


talk some sense to me

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Amputee Eren Yeager, Background other ships - Freeform, Child Soldiers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Foul Language, Guilt, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir - Freeform, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Misunderstandings, One-Sided Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager, Porco Galliard/OC, Slow Burn, Unnecessary gore/violence, War, Warrior Candidate!Eren, childhood friends to lovers trope, dealing with the deaths of loved ones, discrimination against Eldians, memory transfer nonsense, please help these emotionally constipated dumbasses, romantic drama/cliches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2020-12-20 19:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 159,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: "I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right in front of me." - "I Found" by Amber RunORThe minute Marcel returned from the mission on Paradis Island, he swore that he will confess his feelings. How was he supposed to know that Marcel has been dead for the last five years?





	1. the lopsided doll you left behind

**Author's Note:**

> If I think about it logically, I think it makes complete sense that my new workplace will block a lot of things so that I can't work on fics or personal life things. But no streaming music? Really? How am I supposed to get through the day? That said, if the format of my story seem different than usual, uh... haha... Don't tell my workplace, ok?
> 
> There are manga spoilers in this one. Mainly of the Warriors and their backstory. I plan to focus on the 4 years gap from the Liberio side. So take that as you will. 
> 
> I didn't really think much about how this universe came to be (That's a lie. I have everything planned out, but I don't think it'll play a big role in this story. If curious, ask and I'll make a note of it somewhere). Just think of it as a hand-wavey, Eren was born and raised in Liberio (so Carla is in Liberio and Dina had the Attack Titan in Paradis) and decided to become a Warrior. As of now, he is a Warrior Candidate along with Porco and Colt. Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, and Marcel have left for Paradis Island five years ago (So 15 year old Eren).
> 
> All in all, it's just an excuse to write that long romantic Porco x Eren I promised Porco. Or, at least, the plan is a very long story with lots of romantic drama and childhood friends to lovers cliches and slow burn and all that infuriating nonsense. So if that's not your cup of tea, consider not reading this.
> 
> Here are the planned ships: Eren -> Marcel (with implied Marcel -> Eren), one-sided Reiner -> Eren, past Ymir x Krista/Historia, confused Porco -> Krista which should lead to some short lived Porco x OC. But as everyone should know by now, I'm absolute shit at following plans, especially my own. So I'll let you know as things change. 
> 
> Warning: Manga spoilers. Some sort of Warrior Candidate!Eren AU. End game Porco x Eren. Character death. Background war. Unnecessary gore/violence. Foul language. Child soldiers. Background other ships. Childhood friends to lovers trope. Slow burn. Guilt. Dealing with the deaths of loved ones. Memory transfer nonsense. Romantic drama/cliches. Please help these emotionally constipated dumbasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, what a cute dog!"
> 
> Marcel drops his head in his hands and groans. "It's not a dog," he tells his mom. "It's a bunny."
> 
> His mom lets out a soft gasp of surprise. Hearing that, Porco glances over at them. He stares disinterestedly at the doll Marcel has been so carefully working on and returns his attention back to his comic.
> 
> "It's lopsided."
> 
> Just a little, Marcel wants to cry.
> 
> "W-well, you tried your best," his mom tries to say. "I'm sure the Grice family will appreciate your efforts."
> 
> But will they really? How can anyone like this very sad looking creature? No matter how he turns it in his head, it'll be for the best that he buries this somewhere it won't ever be seen again.
> 
> "By the way, aren't buttons hazardous to babies? Eren said that you need to be careful with baby toys since every little thing can fall off and babies will try to eat it," Porco says offhandedly without looking up from his book.
> 
> Why would Porco mention this after Marcel finished making his stupid doll? Why couldn't he have said something before Marcel attached the buttons for eyes? He knows it's not out of malicious intent, but he can't help but to resent his brother anyways.
> 
> "I'm... going to gift them something else."

**Part 1: Warning Sign**

"We need to talk," comes the four most dreaded words strung together.

Eren finds himself immediately glancing around for escape options.

Door - Currently unoccupied but closed. It might be worth it to make a run for it. After all, Eren is the fastest out of all the Warrior Candidates (and Pieck in her human form). So he's pretty confident he will be able to at least make it to the door. Opening it to escape is a different story.

Window - Porco is standing a bit too close to it. It seems he prioritized stopping Eren from escaping through the window over the door. Damn him for knowing that Eren would default to the window as a method to escape. Since they're on the first floor and the window leads to the courtyard, it really is the perfect escape option. But alas, escape isn't looking too good through it right now.

Air vents - Requires jumping on the table and leaping to yank off the cover before jumping again to go through. Not worth the effort nor the time.

The best possible exit is the door, even if he accounts for the time it'll take to open it. But it's possible that Porco thought this through. If that's the case, then he'll be able to react fast enough to stop Eren before he can attempt to open it. Eren could very possibly end up trapped by the door. If he could just have some back up from the others, though...

Pieck is diligently making notes in her language notebook with whatever new vocabulary and grammar she's finding in her book that she's reading. Her original goal was to master the Oriental language from Hizuru before Marcel's return (Something about wanting to beat him in something academic for once). But since that mission stretched on for way too long, she switched it to mastering three languages. From the way she's going, Eren won't be shocked if she has at least five mastered before Marcel finally gets here (That idiot should just come home already).

Zeke left the room with the coffee pot, presumably to make more coffee. That means it'll take him at least three minutes to walk all the way down to the bathroom to get water and return, more if he is stopped by a Marleyan officer. Eren can't recall when Zeke left. It was a while ago, right? For his own sake, Eren honestly hopes that Zeke isn’t stopped by anyone and returns quickly.

As if sensing danger, Colt glances up from his crossword puzzle. He meets Eren's eyes. Then Porco's. Then he puts his head down and pours all his focus into the crossword puzzle. Willingly ignoring Eren's SOS because of Porco's potential wrath, huh? Eren isn't going to forget this any time soon. See if Eren picks up an extra piece of pastry for Colt tomorrow morning. No, he'll give Colt's share to little Falco. Take that.

No additional help from anyone in the room. If he makes a visible attempt to escape and Porco stops him, there'll be hell to pay. At this rate, it'll be the best possible plan to just wait for Zeke to get back for back up. Alright. Then for now, Eren will play nice and see what Porco wants. He just needs to stall. C'mon, Zeke. Don't take too long.

"Sure, what is it?"

"When are you going to return Marcel's doll?"

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Of all the possible topics in the world, Porco just had to pick that one. Not the shirt he borrowed two days ago after they got drenched in the pouring rain. Not the book from two months ago because it looked interesting and not at all like something Porco would like (Porco's tastes in stories are always more romantic-inclined. Eren's are more action and adventure based. No one asked, but Marcel's tastes used to be that of mysteries and thrillers. Eren wonders if it has changed). Not the pocketknife from a week ago from when Eren cut an apple in half for the two of them and forgot to return it.

But that damned bunny doll.

He glances at the door, willing Zeke to come back faster.

"A-ah... t-that... haha..."

Porco stares at Eren, watching the way he fidgets with surprising patience. When it becomes clear that Eren has no idea how to answer, Porco lets out a long sigh.

"I mean, I don't really care either way."

Then don't bring it up, asshole!

"But it just seems kinda weird that you haven't returned it yet, you know? It's a doll. The hell are you doing with it that you haven't given it back already?"

Damn you, Porco. If he doesn't care, then he shouldn't ask! Why the hell does it matter anyways? As Porco said, it's just a doll. What the hell is he planning to do with it once Eren gives it back? That's far more suspicious than the fact that Eren hasn't given it back, now isn't it?

The doorknob turns.

Finally! Eren finds himself grinning before he can stop himself. Porco seems to have read what that grin means because his lips begin to curve into a scowl. But that's too late! Eren must have lulled Porco into a false sense of security by engaging with him. Because when Eren bolts for the door, Porco doesn't react right away. If Porco didn't see that one coming, then this is Eren's victory!

The door opens before Eren gets there. And just a bit, Eren's really glad that he didn't move any earlier.

"Good. You guys are all here," Commander Magath says as he walks in.

Eren straightens and salutes. He hears the others moving to greet the Commander, too. Oh, so now they're paying attention. But when Eren needed their help, they all ignored him.

"Zeke?" Magath asks.

"Getting water for coffee, sir," Eren answers.

Magath scowls. "Of course, he is. Fine. I'll wait."

Although having Magath in the room makes everyone tense and uncomfortable, Eren is rather grateful for it. It gives him the perfect excuse for ignoring Porco.

*

"Zeke and Pieck, both of you will be dispatched in three days for the next wave of war efforts," Commander Magath says.

Eren wants to complain that it's too soon. Zeke has been home for less than a month since the last war effort. What do you mean another one? But he's no longer the brash, young child he once was. He doesn't voice his dissent.

"Will any of the Warrior Candidates be coming with us?" Zeke asks.

Magath levels a rather judging look at the three Warrior Candidates. And yeah, Eren gets it. The three of them are not very reliable. That's why they were passed over in favor of the other Warrior Candidates to inherit the titans. Colt is too anxious and meek. Porco is too stupid. Eren is too aggressive. In fact, Eren won't be shocked if the Marleyans are currently looking into getting more Warrior Candidates that aren't so faulty.

"It was deemed unnecessary to have the Warrior Candidates as well."

Translation: The Marleys don't trust their current three Warrior Candidates.

Eren would laugh if it wasn't so damned pathetic.

*

"You guys are lucky," Colt remarks lightly as he flips through a children's book.

The three Warrior Candidates are at the bookstore to look for small gifts for Zeke and Pieck to enjoy while they're out on their mission. Or at least, Eren and Porco were. Colt is looking through the children's books out on display for Falco. But now that he's said those words, both Eren's and Porco's attentions move away from the book about coffee for Zeke to Colt.

"Lucky?" Porco echoes.

Colt glances up from the book and gives them a rueful smile. He's going to say something really self-deprecating, Eren thinks. That's the only time Colt smiles like that.

"Even if you guys weren't 'acceptable' Warrior Candidates back when we were kids, both of your older brothers are current Warriors. Eren, you'll inherit the Beast Titan. Porco, you'll get the Jaw. But I..."

"There are still three other titans you can potentially get. Four, if you don't mind growing boobs. I bet you'd make a great Colossal Titan. Both you and Bertolt are quiet and meek," Eren points out.

Porco nods in agreement. "And out of the three of us, you're the most meticulous. Isn't that why Pieck was chosen for Cart? By that logic, you'd be a great Cart Titan, too."

Colt stares at the book, looking uncertain. There's more to this than just the topic at hand, isn't there? Eren exchanges a glance with Porco. From the look of it, Porco has arrived at the same conclusion as Eren.

"Did someone say something?" Eren ventures to guess.

Porco cracks his neck, getting ready for action. Eren rolls his eyes at him. Show off. What's that going to accomplish? Frighten Colt? The person they should be aiming their anger at isn't here.

"It's... not like they're wrong, though. We're slowly approaching the time to open up the Warrior Candidacy exams again. What if those kids outperform me? What if I can never be a Warrior?"

If Marcel was here, Eren imagines that he would've known exactly what to say. Marcel would smile friendly and comfort Colt. He'd be patient and take care of this so that it'll never be an issue for Colt ever again. That's just the kind of person Marcel is.

But Eren is not Marcel. And Porco is most definitely not Marcel.

At times like these when Eren doesn't know what to say, there's just one thing he can do. He glances at Porco, who grins back at him. It takes Colt two seconds too late to realize what's happening. By then, Eren has Colt caught from behind, preventing him from escaping.

"N-no! Don't do this! Please!" Colt begs, his eyes wide in fear.

They, of course, don't listen.

Porco mercilessly tickles Colt's sides until Colt is breathless and in tears. When Eren thinks that Colt has been properly punished, he lets Colt go. That becomes a signal for Porco to stop, too. They make sure to apologize to the bookstore employees for making so much noise. And probably because of their status as Warrior Candidates, none of them dare to complain.

"Don't think too much about it," Porco tells Colt. "At the end of the day, we're all just fodder for Marley to do as they want. Anyone can tell you that both Eren and I were the better choice for the Armored than Reiner. But they chose him anyways. It might end up like that or it might not. Who the hell knows what they think?"

"But I don't think it'll be bad to have another 13 years to live with your brother," Eren says lightly.

That must have been the correct thing to say, because Colt's eyes light up. There's an almost shy smile on his face as he looks down at his feet.

"Oh," he says, giggling softly. "I see."

Eren feels himself relaxing at the sight. What a relief. It was solved so easily. Perhaps he's not as bad with words as he first feared he was. He thinks it'll impress Marcel for sure.

"By the way, if you're getting that book for Falco, make sure it's not the latest one. He already has it," Eren adds.

Colt's expression falls. "Huh?"

"Jeesh, you spoil that kid rotten," Porco mutters, shaking his head. He holds up the coffee book they were looking together just moments ago. "But your pick for your own brother is this. Zeke is going to cry if he hears."

"N-no, he won't!"

But Eren isn't sure if that's the truth. Zeke has cried for far less. It's completely possible that Zeke will cry if he hears that Eren is more in-tune with Falco's tastes in books. But in his defense, Falco actively tells Eren what he likes and doesn't while Zeke professes his love for anything and everything Eren gets him. It makes it hard to pick presents for his older brother because of it.

"Y-you're not going to tell him, are you?" he finds himself asking finally.

Porco stares at him for a beat longer before smirking. Eren realizes that he made a mistake a step too late.

"If the War Chief asks of us, we can't refuse him, you know. But I guess we could be convinced to forget that this happened for... ice cream. What do you say, Colt?"

Colt smiles. "Chocolate ice cream."

"You guys are the worst!"

*

It's nearly dinner time when Eren finally gets home with gifts for both Zeke and Pieck. There's no need to be secretive and hide that he has a gift for his brother, but Zeke absolutely adores surprises. So Eren does what a good brother should and pretends badly that he doesn't have anything for Zeke (Belatedly, he can't help but to think this might be the reason why Zeke is so convinced that Eren can't lie).

He knows it's working from the way Zeke's eyes light up in anticipation and Carla laughs. Grisha, at least, looks amused by his attempts.

"Let me just put my things away and I'll join you for dinner."

*

When he gets to his room, he is greeted by the sad reality of Marcel's bunny doll on his desk. Its poor left arm has ripped off from its body, and the stuffings keep falling out, despite Eren's best attempts to keep them inside the body.

The poor bunny fell into this state when Eren was over at the Galliard's two days ago, looking for relief from the pouring rain. While Porco left to find him some dry clothes for them to change into, Eren discovered this little guy in the corner of the bookshelf in the living room.

Around the time Falco was born, Marcel decided that his gift for little Falco will be a doll that he made (Porco made a rattle, by the way. And Eren helped deliver the kid, so he wins by default. Oh, in case you were wondering, Marcel gave up two weeks before Falco was born and handmade a children's book instead). He spent months beforehand practicing. This little bunny tucked here must have been one of the failures, because its stitching is a mess and its left arm is much larger than the right. The button eyes were put on lopsided, too. But all the little mistakes makes it all that more charming.

Eren thought it was cute.

So he did the natural thing of picking it up.

How was he supposed to know that the arm will fall off?

Thinking back on it, he realizes that he probably could have put it back before Porco returned and pretended that he had nothing to do with that doll. But it turned out he was more honest than he ever gave himself credit for. Because he hid the rip from Porco and borrowed the damned bunny.

But you see, Eren has been helping out around the house ever since Zeke became a Warrior and was sent off on missions. He's stitched up rips and fixed buttons on clothes. And when he or Porco doesn't want their parents to realize whatever stupid thing they've done, he's also stitched up some nasty gashes on himself and Porco. So it's not just ego speaking when he says that his stitches are professionally neat and pretty.

It is way too glaringly obvious that his stitches are nothing like Marcel's amateurish ones.

And therein lies the problem.

No matter how much Eren tries to replicate Marcel's stitches, the arm will not attach back to the body like it should. On top of that, the stuffings in the left arm have fallen out, making the arms even out. Eren fears that at this rate, the bunny will lose all of its individual quirks that Marcel put in.

He wants to return the bunny. Of course, he does.

But he also doesn't want to give up and return it like this.

Sorry, Porco. Wait a bit longer for this doll.

*

A week after Zeke and Pieck have left, it becomes clear why Magath didn't want to send the Warrior Candidates on the war efforts.

The Warrior Candidacy Test have opened up again.

"Children between the ages of five to seven are given the chance to win honor for their family..."

Porco leans in close to Eren's ear so that he won't be overheard by anyone else. "Honor, my ass."

"You can say that because your brother already won that honor," Eren whispers back.

"Not much of an honor to begin with. He hasn't been around for the last five years, in case you forgot."

"That has less to do with honor and more to do with him."

Porco rolls his eyes, pulling back a bit, a clear sign that he's going to get aggressive. Eren can't help but to grin at that. It's been a while since they sparred. An entire day, in fact. Once upon a time when Marcel was still here, he used to keep track of the wins and losses of all of their little squabbles. But they've long lost count in the five years that Marcel was gone. Eren is certain that he's winning, though.

"Shall we let our fists speak for us?" Porco says, pretending to be a polite gentleman.

Eren laughs. "Why, darling, I thought you'd never ask."

*

Magath heaves a heavy sigh when he sees the leftover signs of Porco's bloody nose and the beginnings of a black eye on Eren. But he must have more or less gotten used to this, because he doesn't lecture them like he used to when they were younger.

"I was going to remind you about the importance of upholding your dignity, especially with the Test coming up. But I see that it wouldn't have mattered."

It takes everything Eren has to not grin like an idiot. And he thinks that this is a sign that he has matured that he isn't purposefully riling up Magath like he used to.

"Sir, will it be expected of us to help out during the Test?" Colt asks, mercifully taking the attention away from Porco and Eren.

The two of them shoot their friend a grateful look, but it doesn't look like Colt is looking at them. Now that Eren looks closer, he can't help but to note how pale Colt looks. Did something happen?

"Of course," Magath says. He pauses for a second with a disgusted look aimed at Porco and Eren. "At the very least, I expect you three to take this seriously. These new Warrior Candidates will be your juniors, so treat them as you would a younger sibling."

Eren wonders if Magath realizes that neither Eren nor Porco has a younger sibling.

"Now then, these are what we're looking for in terms of skills and personality. If you see any kind of foul play, I expect you guys to report it."

*

Colt's mood does not improve, even when Porco and Eren double-team with jokes and small pranks. And seeing that Colt hasn't told them why he's so down, Eren understands that this has to do with the Marleys or the upcoming Test. So he and Porco both patiently wait until they're back in the interment zone to demand answers.

"Falco wants to take the Test."

Just a little, Eren wants to rewind time so he doesn't have to know about this. He opens his mouth and then shuts it fast. Because what are you supposed to say? Knee-jerk reaction says that he should congratulate Colt. That he should be celebrating something as "wonderful" as the Grice family pushing out of the hell of shame that Colt's uncle forced them in. But he knows what it means to be a Warrior. He heard Zeke break down in the bathroom in the middle of the night, thinking that everyone else was asleep. He saw the fragility in Pieck's smiles, just a second away from shattering. And that's not to mention his own feelings on their short time limit or the growing fear that keeps gnawing at him that with every day Marcel doesn't return, he's losing another day that could have been spent together.

Knowing that, how can he say such insincere things as '"Congratulations?"

"I-it's possible he might not make it," Porco says softly.

Colt makes a face. "Porco, _I_ made it as a Warrior Candidate. You don't believe that."

"You make it sound like you're not a good Warrior Candidate," Eren protests. "You're level-headed. You make good decisions. And you're not an unpredictable egghead like Porco and me. The only reason they didn't choose you when we were kids was because the others were in leagues of their own... except for Reiner. I still don't get why that guy was chosen. So..."

That's not it. Those are not the words he wanted to say. He finds himself burying his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say or how to respond."

Colt's smile is crooked. "Yeah, I figured. Sorry for dropping this on you guys. I... don't know how to respond either. I know Falco wants me to be supportive. But... it's scary. I don't want my baby brother to go through this. I don't want him to be under constant watch by the Marleys. I don't want him to have a time limit on how long he's going to live. I don't want him to be a soldier that has to take others' lives under orders. But most of all, I don't want him to end up like me."

"How... are your folks handling it?" Porco asks.

"Just what you'd expect from adults," Colt grumbles bitterly. "They're ecstatic."

Eren wishes he knew what to say. He wishes he knew what to do. And from the uncertain look on Porco's face, it's clear that he doesn't know either. They're both action-oriented people who prefer to swing their fists over comforting others.

If someone as kind as Marcel was here, what would he have said? If someone as kind and smart and in-tune with other people like Marcel was here, what would he have done?

Marcel, Eren finds himself thinking not for the first time in the last five years, please hurry home.

*

"Eren!"

The loud shout is the only warning Eren receives before Gabi throws herself at him from behind. With a loud giggle that tugs at the corner of Eren's own lips, Gabi grins up at him. She recently lost her front tooth. And that gap in her smile endears Eren a lot more than he thought it would.

"Hey, Little Bug," he greets.

"I'm not a bug!"

She releases him so that he can face her. A quick glance assures him that she doesn't seem to have any visible injuries. So that can't be the reason why she waited for him at the clinic. Then...

"I'm going to be a Warrior Candidate like you!" Gabi tells him excitedly. "So you can't call me 'Little Bug' anymore!"

He freezes.

As shameful as it sounds, he can't bring himself to smile. He can't bring himself to be excited with Gabi. It might be because he just talked to Colt and Porco about this. But he didn't really think about it. Gabi is about Falco's age, isn't she? Who else falls into that category? Which other small child that stops by the Jaeger Clinic will also end up at the Test? Which one of them will suddenly have their life spans shortened to just 13 years?

"Eren?" Gabi asks hesitantly. She must have picked up on his unease, because her excited grin is gone.

He needs to encourage her. He knows that. You never know who is listening in on your conversations. One wrong word can mean the worst for his family. He's gotten the lecture about how they lost Zeke's mom plenty of times before to not know that by now. He has been schooled in how to behave in public since birth to not know this by heart. He knows what he has to do. He knows what he has to say.

"Think you can keep up?" Eren manages to say.

He ruffles her hair to prevent her from seeing his expression. He doesn't know if it's believable, but she bursts into a fit of giggles. Before she notices again, he needs to grin. C'mon, he's so good at this when adults or Marleyans are around. So why is it so hard to pretend in front of children?

"Mommy said that my cousin is the Armored Titan. Do you think I can inherit that when it's time?"

"I don't know. You have to be really good to be a Warrior," Eren teases.

It's easier to grin now. When he's just teasing someone, it's easier to not think about what it means to be a Warrior or a Warrior Candidate. Or that Zeke has been sent out to fight again. Or that Marcel hasn't returned from his mission from five years ago.

It's easier.

"Is that why you're not one right now?" Gabi asks.

Eren laughs and pinches her cheeks. "What's that, Little Bug? You want me to pull out all of your teeth?"

"Mean! You're mean!"

*

The button eyes of Marcel's doll stare at Eren almost pityingly. Eren moves it face down so he doesn't have to see it anymore.

*

In the days leading up to the Warrior Candidacy Test, there are more families with children that stop by for a check-up. Few families take the time to ask Eren about what it's like to be a Warrior Candidate. Eren doesn't know what else to do but smile in answer.

"I hate it," Eren admits to Porco's back.

He's in Porco's shared room with Marcel (not that Marcel has been around for the last five years for this to count as his room anymore). They're both on Porco's bed. He has his face buried against Porco's back, and Porco's doing the good friend thing of pretending that he can't tell that Eren is crying by pretending to be more interested in the magazine in his hands.

"You're sending your kid to become a dog for the Marley. How the hell is that honorable? What the hell's so great about killing others for their sake? What the hell's so great about dying for their wars? I would rather have Marcel and Zeke at home than for my family to have 'honor.'"

There's just the smallest of tenseness in Porco's back. That's the only warning Eren has before Porco suddenly turns around to face him. He feels Porco's arms around him. And it's only then he realizes that Porco is trembling. That he has been selfishly demanding to be comforted, but Porco needs it just as much as he does.

The two pretend that their eyes aren't red and puffy when Eren leaves before it's dinner time.

*

Six children are chosen as Warrior Candidates.

It makes Eren sick to his stomach to congratulate them with a smile.

*

Training with the new Warrior Candidates feels like a spit to the face at times.

Eren knows it's because they're literally training bunch of babies who are holding guns for the first time in their lives. But damn, he feels so impatient. For the sake of training these kids, the three of them were not sent with the Warriors to provide support. He knows that in the long run, their help isn't all that necessary compared to the might of a titan. But sometimes there's a sinking feeling in his gut that makes him fearful that Zeke, like Marcel, won't come back for multiple years after leaving.

Since he knows these kinds of feelings of his will be grating for Porco and Colt, he keeps it to himself.

It takes Zeke and Pieck two months to wrap up the battle.

But instead of heading home, they are sent out again. This time, to Paradis.

*

"Marcel's coming home!" Eren shouts at the bunny doll. "Please! Fix yourself!"

The doll does not move. It does not answer. It doesn't fix itself.

Eren groans.

*

"Do you think that Marcel has changed a lot?" Porco asks hesitantly during lunch.

Eren pauses in mid-bite of his sandwich to glance at his friend curiously. The two of them have been abandoned by Colt, who insisted that he needed to eat lunch with his little brother who protested against that. Colt looks like he's out of place, sitting with bunch of children while eating lunch. Eren and Porco are a bit further away. They use the tree in the courtyard to provide back support and shade.

"I mean we changed a lot, too," Eren points out. At least, he would like to think so.

Porco makes a face. "But did Marcel change? They were on that island for five years. What if his temper became short? Does he still care about the detective series he used to love? Will he be happy with the fact that we've diligently collected every single book that came out for him? Will he... be happy to see us again?"

It's unusual for Porco to put this much thought into anything. This must really be messing with his head. Eren thought that Porco would be happier that his brother is finally coming home. But perhaps that's too naive of a thought process?

"What did you break?" Eren asks.

"Why is that your immediate reaction?! You have zero tact."

Eren rolls his eyes. "Well, it's not like thinking like that is going to help anyone. Marcel is Marcel. Whether he changed or not is something we'll find out. Worrying about it now isn't going to change who he has become."

There's a look on Porco's face that Eren isn't sure how to read. Then Porco glances away to eat his sandwich.

"Hey, are you still going to do it?"

"Do what? Don't be so vague," Eren complains.

Porco makes a point of not looking back at Eren. Whatever he wants to say, he thinks it's going to make Eren mad. That's stupid. Porco should just say it instead of beating around the bush. He should know Eren better than that by now.

"I mean confessing. You said that you wanted to confess to him when he came back. Are you still going to do that? He won't be the same person as he was five years ago. It's very possible that the things you liked about him then isn't the things you like now."

"And?" Eren asks. He finally takes a bite of his sandwich. "At the end of the day, it's still Marcel. For the remainder of his short life, I want to spend it by his side."

"What if he doesn't want to?"

Again, Porco won't meet his eyes. Where is he trying to go with this? Does he want to hear Eren say that he gives up that badly? But how can he give up when he hasn't even seen Marcel yet? Unless Marcel brings back someone from Paradis while saying, "I plan on spending the rest of my life with this person," Eren refuses to give up.

Why should he?

Marcel promised him.

It's something that Eren never told Porco.

But on the night before Marcel was sent off, the two of them snuck out. There's no place in Liberio that is private enough for a talk, especially not for children their age at the time. So they defaulted to the cemetery. Because who would ever expect children to talk privately there in the middle of the night?

"There's something I want to tell you when I return," Marcel said. "Will you please wait for me?"

Eren isn't stupid. He knows what Marcel plans on saying.

So he's going to be the petty boyfriend who says it first. If Marcel wanted to say it first, he shouldn't have made Eren wait five years.

"I'll lock him up and refuse to let him leave until he agrees," Eren jokes.

Porco's head snaps over to him in disbelief. "You can't do that! He's my brother! You can't hog him like that!"

Whatever reservation Porco had before that made him so hesitant and uncertain seems to be gone now. That's good. Eren doesn't know how to be gentle. When Marcel returns, he can comfort them and soothe away their worries like he used to. But until then, all Eren can do is joke around and hope that it's enough for Porco.

"Hah! I made you look at me!"

He laughs as Porco's expression turns into that of pure disgust.

"You're the worst. I hope Marcel rejects you!"

*

Everyone from the Warrior Division gather together at the harbor to greet the returning heroes. Although it's such a glorious occasion, no one else from the Liberio internment zone has been invited. It's just those from the Warrior Division.

That should probably have been a sign.

Eren shifts his weight from his left foot to his right, unable to stand still at the thought of Marcel finally returning home. Sure, his brother's coming home, too. Not to mention the others, but... it's Marcel.

He's been waiting.

"If you need to use the bathroom, you should probably do that first," Porco snickers.

Eren turns to him with a grin that's all teeth and no charm.

"Don't start, you two," Colt warns them.

The two of them pout at their friend, who just gives them a stern look. Can't Colt tell that Eren and Porco are just trying to work off their nerves? Does he have to block them off like this?

"Oh, there's the ship!"

Eren straightens.

Finally.

After five years of waiting, Marcel is home.

*

...

Hey, this is a joke, right?

A damned joke that they're playing. Zeke probably let it slipped just how much Eren was looking forward to their return. Pieck jumped in on it, because she loves to play around like that. Reiner and Bertolt had no balls to refuse her. Annie didn't care enough to dissent. So Zeke felt bad for being the party-pooper and went along with it. And Marcel...

Someone, please tell him that they're joking. Because there's absolutely no way that this can be the truth, right?

"I-I'm sorry," Reiner chokes out, his voice shaking with tears. "I don't know about Annie's status, but both Bertolt and Marcel perished in the line of duty. I... I'm the only one who made it back."

Eren's fist makes contact against Reiner's nose before Porco and Colt both restrain him. But he felt the crunch of Reiner's nose against his fist. He sees the red of blood before Reiner covers it up with his goddamned titan healing.

It takes him a second to realize that the yelling he's faintly registering is coming from himself.

"Tell me that you're joking! Tell me that you're lying! Reiner, you fucking asshole! Why the hell are you the only one back? Return him! Return Marcel!"

It's a joke, right? It has to be a joke. It has to be. There can't be anything else. There can't be-

"Eren," Zeke says.

His voice is gentle but firm. He stands right in front of Eren, both of his hands on Eren's shoulders.

"If you throw a fit like that, Porco can't grieve."

Porco can't...?

The fight leaves him. Seeing him relax, both Porco and Colt releases him. Colt looks heartbroken. He looks like he's desperately looking for something to say that might be comforting, but he's coming up empty. And...

Porco won't meet Eren's eyes.

*

The funeral is held two days after the return.

There's no body to mourn.

Not for Bertolt.

Not for Marcel.

Not for Annie, but she's not confirmed dead.

They bury two empty caskets in the ground.

And then their attention turns towards the new Jaw Titan that was brought back from Paradis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is.
> 
> Marcel's doll that Eren borrowed and never returned.
> 
> It's been placed by the grave marker with Marcel's name where Marcel isn't buried.
> 
> It's been fixed, Porco notes. The left and right arms are equally sized now. The eyes are still lopsided, though. Guess Eren couldn't fix everything.
> 
> Because that's why Eren always dodged the question whenever Porco asked about the doll, wasn't it? That's why Eren borrowed it.
> 
> To fix and give it to Marcel as a welcome back gift.
> 
> As a...
> 
> Porco just barely chokes back his sob. Damn it. Damn it. This isn't how it was supposed to be. This isn't the happy future Porco always imagined since they were kids. This isn't...
> 
> "This isn't fair at all, Marcel. Why the hell didn't you prioritize coming back? It wasn't just me waiting for you at home. It wasn't..."
> 
> What the hell is he doing, crying at this empty grave like Marcel is here?
> 
> But it's not like he can bother Colt. Not when Colt has his own family circumstances that he's dealing with. And Eren...
> 
> Porco can't get the sheer grief on Eren's face out of his mind. The way Eren screamed at Reiner to give Marcel back. The broken way Eren turned to look at Porco.
> 
> He never thought of himself as a coward before.
> 
> But he doesn't think he can stomach seeing that expression on his friend's face again.


	2. the jaw titan you left behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He gets the idea from Zeke.
> 
> One day, he lost the rock-paper-scissors match and had to return to the Warriors Headquarters to grab Porco's forgotten lunch bag. While walking past Magath's office, he overheard it.
> 
> Zeke's plea.
> 
> "Please let Eren inherit the Beast Titan after me."
> 
> It's genius.
> 
> A lot of people praise Marcel for being smart, but he really has nothing on Zeke. He didn't even consider that he could ask for something like that from Marley. Hell, he honestly believed, like everyone else, that you had to just be satisfied with what is given in life. That you should make the best of your situation because it's not like you can change it.
> 
> Just accept that the world is cruel.
> 
> That there's nothing to do but live as happily as you can right now.
> 
> But with that simple plea, Zeke was able to give Eren 26 years. 13 until Zeke died. Then 13 more for Eren. 26 years for his little brother to enjoy.
> 
> Then couldn't he do the same for Porco?
> 
> At best, all he's doing is buying time. All he's doing is delaying the inevitable.
> 
> But if both Eren and Porco can live 26 more years, then wouldn't it be worth it? If he can buy even a second more for the two most precious people in his life, why wouldn't he do it?
> 
> Even if it means that he'll have to die before them, even if it means that they'll live for much longer than him... If he could let them have few more years, then he doesn't mind who or what he has to sacrifice.

Reiner said that her name is Ymir (Hah).

There's an air of resignation about her. Like she's long given up. Or perhaps it's more that she never had any hope to begin with. Whatever the case, she keeps her head down and doesn't respond to anyone or anything. Just in case it's an act, the Marleys keep her chained up in a cage. But it's highly doubtful that she will fight to free herself. That's just how broken she looks.

Eren hates her even before Pieck says that she's the Jaw Titan.

That she murdered and ate Marcel.

That she's the reason why Marcel never returned.

That she is the only thing Reiner bothered to grab to bring back.

"I-it wasn't... really like that," Zeke says hesitantly.

Eren knows that Zeke's intentions aren't bad. He knows that his brother would never say or do something to purposefully hurt him.

But it hurts anyways.

Why is Zeke protecting Reiner? Can't he just side with Eren like he normally does for any other topic? Eren doesn't want to see reason right now. He just wants to bitch to try and get rid of this anger in his heart, because no one is letting him get near Reiner enough to punch him again. And everyone is doing their utmost best so that he doesn't get anywhere near Ymir.

"I heard the report," Eren grumbles. "You guys were overwhelmed by this group called 'Survey Corps' and a monster called the 'Ackerman.' The only reason you escaped was because you used a swarm of pure titans as distraction. But it still irks me. Reiner dragged her back in the middle of that kind of chaos. Why?"

There's a frozen look on Zeke's face before he looks away from Eren, clearly uncomfortable. He knows something. Either that or he guesses something. But whatever it is must be something that would hurt Eren to be said out loud, judging from the way Zeke hesitates so much.

Eren wonders if his brother realizes just how easy he is to read right now. Or is it more that he thinks he can read his brother and is attaching anything negative that comes to mind? With how frustrated and angry he feels, he wouldn't put it past himself. This must be the "angry" part of the process of grief. He is pushing aside all rational thought and refusing to let go of his childish bitterness. 

"I'm not a child. Stop hiding things from me."

"Eren, that's not it. It's not because I think you're a child. It's because I'm your brother that I'm worried."

There's a soft look on Zeke's face that Eren doesn't want to see. He doesn't want Zeke's pity. He doesn't need to be treated like glass. He just wants Zeke to be honest with him. Without worrying over whether or not this is going to "hurt" him, he wants Zeke to just tell him.

"Maybe he wanted to give you and Porco closure."

Eren snorts. "Reiner's not that kind of person."

"People change, Eren," Zeke says firmly.

It's not like he doesn't think that people can't change. After all, he just has to look at himself (and Porco and Colt) to know that. He's just childishly throwing a fit. That's all there is to this. And it looks like Zeke is starting to understand his mood, because Zeke's expression softens.

"I think you should talk with Reiner."

... Or not.

Eren doesn't want to.

Not because he thinks Reiner is selfish and won't say anything redeemable. Not because he believes Marcel should've lived and not Reiner, and no matter what Reiner says won't change that. Not because of those kind of self-serving thoughts.

But because he's scared.

When he hears Reiner's side of things, he fears he'll end up empathizing. He'll start thinking that it was inevitable. There was nothing else that could have been done. Marcel had to die. Bertolt had to die. Annie had to disappear. Ymir had to be dragged here. Reiner had to survive. This is something that cannot be helped.

But the moment he starts thinking like that, isn't that the same as admitting that Marcel went to that island to die? That Eren let the person he wanted to spend the remaining of that short 13 years go off to die? That there was never any hope on that island. There was no way to succeed this mission. They were just throwing lives away.

He hates that thought more than trying to understand or forgive Reiner.

"I don't want to," he whines.

Zeke ruffles Eren's hair. "In that brief time I was on that island, I was terrified that I wasn't going to make it back. I'm sure for Reiner, who had to be there for that long of a time, he-"

"I don't want to hear it."

There's a soft sigh, but Zeke doesn't push any more on that topic.

"Have you talked to Porco and see how he's doing?"

Eren makes a face. There's no need for Zeke to nag. But he knows where Zeke is coming from. Porco's eyes were bloodshot this morning. Damned idiot probably cried all night where he knew no one would find him. And Eren gets it. Eren is Porco's friend. He's supposed to say or do something about this.

But he's at a complete loss as to how to approach this, especially when Porco is making a point of not meeting his eyes. That means Porco doesn't want to see him. So he doesn't want to just impede on that until Porco is ready.

It'd be easier to wait for Colt to make the first move. At the very least, Colt is more gentle and won't just punch Porco with a coarse, "Just get over it." But the problem is that Colt currently has his hands full because of the whole Falco the Warrior Candidate situation.

"I'll... talk to him," Eren says reluctantly.

It earns him a soft chuckle from Zeke, which makes him pout. He's trying his best here, and Zeke is laughing? Honestly, Zeke has no tact!

"You know, I'm in the mood for something sweet. Did Mr. Hoover ever bring back the limited time pastry you love so much?"

"The strawberry one or the blueberry one?"

"Either one."

Eren pretends to think about it so Zeke doesn't realize just how often he went there. "The blueberry ones are back... a-according to rumors, anyways."

Zeke laughs and motions for Eren to lead the way.

Eren supposes he'll forgive his brother if he pays.

*

"Eren, are you feeling better?" Falco asks, his brows furrowed in worry.

The other young Warrior Candidates are behind him. How irresponsible of Eren. Did he make these children worry about him that much? His mom would be disappointed if she knew. 

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry for worrying you," Eren tells them.

They look relieved. That's good. Eren was scared that his smile wouldn't look sincere enough to convince them. Or perhaps it's because those words are what they want to hear that they'll swallow it, even if it's clearly not the truth?

... He's doing it again, isn't he? Damn it. He needs to stop being so damned negative. At least not to these kids.

"U-uh, I heard that you like sweets," Udo says shyly. "F-for lunch, my mom packed me an extra dessert, would you like one?"

"A-and I have some chocolates!" Zofia adds.

"And candy!"

The children all look up at Eren with excited eyes. And it would be really bad of him to refuse something they're all so sweetly offering him.

"Well, if you guys insist..."

"Hey Eren..." Gabi hesitates.

It's so unlike her that it makes Eren tense immediately. His eyes scan her quickly to see any sign of visible injury. Seeing none, he relaxes just a second. Because hey. Wait a minute.

Isn't Gabi's cousin...?

"Is... Reiner a bad person?"

His gut-reaction is to agree. Reiner is a horrible person. Not only should he have never become the Armored Titan, but he should never have returned from Paradis. Then at least, Eren could mourn as no one made it out alive. That the Devils of that Island are too cruel for any of their proud Warriors to have made it out. But because Reiner is alive, that becomes hard to believe.

Marcel could have survived, his traitorous mind keeps supplying. Marcel could have. He's smarter, stronger, and faster than Reiner. He's so much better than Reiner that it makes absolutely no sense for him to have died. But because he prioritized saving Reiner's life over returning home, he didn't make it. Because he found Reiner more important than Eren and Porco put together.

He doesn't think that that's the truth. He's pretty sure that he's way off-base and is constantly making things much more bitter than it should be. So in that sense, he supposes that he's not fine.

He's not sure if it's possible to ever be fine.

"T-there's... no such thing as a 'good' or 'bad' person, Gabi. Just people who are on your side or against."

"That's not true," Zofia argues. "Mom said that the Eldians on Paradis Island are devils. They're evil."

Eren finds that he doesn't have anything to say against that. Devils. The people that took Marcel away and returned just Reiner. Almost as if to say, "We don't want leftovers." And isn't that hilarious? Eren is the same way. If he had a chance, he would pick Marcel and return Reiner, too.

"But at the end of the day, Reiner is a Warrior. That alone means he's not bad," Eren says even though he doesn't believe his own words.

The kids nod, looking at him like he said something wise.

"So you are friends with him, right?" Gabi asks.

She's going somewhere with this. He really doesn't want to encourage this.

"It's hard to call someone I haven't seen in five years a friend," he says evenly.

"Then you guys can become friends. The clothes Auntie Karina got him don't fit him at all. He looks sad in them. Can you please take him shopping today? I'll help you out."

Why is everyone going out of their way to make him talk to Reiner for? It's annoying. He'll have to face Reiner eventually for Warrior duties. But if he could, he'd rather not go out of his way to spend his free time with Reiner.

"Unfortunately, I already have something planned for today," Eren admits.

Technically speaking, he doesn't have to visit Marcel's grave today, especially since it's not like Marcel is buried there. And on top of that, he's sure that his family will understand that he won't help out at the clinic today if he cites Gabi as his reason.

But if it'll get him out of going anywhere near Reiner...

Gabi sighs heavily. "Okay, then tomorrow."

It'll be too suspicious if he suddenly decided that he has plans until the ends of time, right?

"Tomorrow."

*

"Oh."

He wonders if it's bad of him to be caught so off-guard by the fact that Porco is here. It's Marcel's grave. Of course, Porco will come here, even if everyone knows that Marcel isn't buried here. Marcel will never be buried here. How can he when they don't even have a body to mourn?

That's just yet a perk of being a Warrior. You'll never leave a body behind to be mourned. If Reiner hadn't brought someone who can turn into a Jaw Titan, Eren would have argued that Marcel wasn't dead. That Marcel was somewhere on that island and Reiner made all of that up so he could run away from his duty, from his mission. If only Ymir didn't exist... 

"Y-you too, huh?" Eren mumbles.

Porco looks away. "Yeah."

It's awkward.

It hasn't been this awkward between the two of them since two days after Marcel left and the two of them had a huge fight about... What was it now? Eren doesn't even recall. It was such a long time ago, and it wasn't over anything important. At least, he doesn't think it was. But the two of them blew it out of proportions. If it hadn't been for Zeke stepping in at the time, Eren fears that the two of them might have stopped being friends back then.

To have that kind of awkwardness return between the two of them after five years is frustrating.

But it's not like he knows what to do. What are you supposed to say to a friend who found out that his brother has been dead for the last five years? How are you supposed to comfort them? Because the only thing Eren can think of right now is to challenge Porco to a spar and get his mind off of this. And he's pretty sure that's not what you're supposed to do. Because you're supposed to face your grief in order to be able to heal from it or whatever, right?

If it was Marcel, what would he have said? ... Eren should probably stop thinking like that. It's not like there will ever be Marcel to advice him through things like this in the future. Without wondering what Marcel might do (and not having any answers), he should start taking steps himself to figure it out.

But how should he even start?

"I... didn't think you'd fix it."

Eren glances over at Porco, who is doing everything he can to not look at Eren. Then he finds himself looking back at the grave marker. Eren placed the bunny doll there when he stopped by and no one else was around. He didn't think anyone would realize he did it. But it seems Porco already put it together. Then again, it would be quite pathetic of Porco to not realize it after making such a big deal about Eren returning the doll.

"I was going to return it to what it originally looked like. But I couldn't replicate Marcel's stitches."

Oh. Porco scoffed just now. But he still isn't looking in Eren's direction. It definitely can't be that he's angry at Eren, if he's willing to laugh. So why isn't he looking at Eren?

"That's probably better for that doll."

"Hey, did I do something wrong?"

Porco let's out a startled sound that sounds a little exasperated and a lot frustrated. "The hell are you on? Something wrong? The hell would you think something so stupid for?"

"Because you won't look at me. What else am I supposed to think?" Eren demands, starting to feel annoyed himself.

There's a pause as if Porco didn't think of that. He purses his lips, pouting like some kind of a child when Eren's the one who wants to explode.

"It's... not because of you. It's..." Porco hesitates like he's not sure at all what he wants to say. He rubs the back of his neck, growling lowly. "Okay, fine. It is you. I don't know how to face you."

Looks like it's Eren's turn to be frustrated. "What the hell does that mean?!"

"You like Marcel! ... Liked. You wanted to be with him. But he... He's not here anymore. He's dead. And I... I don't know how to comfort you. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? I'm no good at being all sweet and shit. That was always Marcel."

"You lost your brother, Porco," Eren points out. "I'm supposed to comfort you. Not the other way around."

The two of them stay silent for a second longer before finally meeting each others' eyes. Their lips twitch. Then the two start laughing.

"What the hell? Are we stupid?" Porco asks between his laughter.

"Hey, let's just do it the way we've always done it. None of this 'comfort' each other crap."

Porco moves to stand by Eren's side so that they can both look at Marcel's grave marker. Their shoulders brush. Eren can't believe how that simple motion puts him at ease better than any words that could've possibly have been spoken. And perhaps that's just how they should've handled this from the beginning. Perhaps they should both have thought of what they can do instead of what they're supposed to do.

They stay in that comfortable silence, shoulders just shyly brushing, for a while longer.

*

Colt glances at the two of them with a relieved smile. "And here, I was preparing a speech. But you guys figured it all out, huh?"

"Now you've caught my attention. What was the speech?" Eren asks.

"Yeah, Colt. Spill," Porco demands.

Colt grins widely and doesn't answer. For once, Eren finds that he doesn't mind.

The three of them are at the Jaeger Clinic, helping out. Eren, of course, doesn't really have a choice in this since it's his family's clinic. But Porco and Colt have made it a mission to help out at least three times a week, given that they're not overwhelmed by other things. They started doing this three years ago after Eren broke his arm during a mission and needed help. Since helping out at the clinic meant basic first-aid knowledge which came handy during missions, Colt and Porco never stopped.

"You know... Falco asked me if he could help out at the clinic, too," Colt says, changing the topic.

"Oh, that would be great. We're always short on help!"

It's only after those words leave his mouth that he realizes why Falco would want to work at the clinic. He mentally winces at the crestfallen look on Colt's face.

"There's no harm in helping out." Porco rolls his eyes at them. "And since he's already a Warrior Candidate, it'll be better that he knows this than not."

Colt nods, looking dejected. "Yeah, I know. But..."

They patiently wait for Colt to finish his thought, but he must have spotted something because he suddenly tenses. Eren and Porco glance at one another before following Colt's line of sight.

Ah.

No wonder Colt became so distracted.

Reiner and his mom are both here at the clinic. It looks like they're stopping by for a quick check up and chat before going shopping. Or, much more likely, Karina is here to brag to Carla. About what, Eren isn't too sure. He isn't aware of anything good that happened recently to Karina aside from Gabi becoming a Warrior Candidate, but that's already old news.

"Oh, boys. Good timing," Carla greets the three of them with a bright smile that Eren doesn't like at all. "Since we're not all that busy today at the clinic today, why don't you guys help Reiner? I'm sure he'll appreciate your suggestions for clothes."

And now even his own mom is working against him. Eren feels frustrated. What do people think will happen if he talks to Reiner? It's not going to bring Marcel back. It's not going to undo the failure of this recent mission. Not to mention, seeing Reiner's face like this is starting to piss him off. He won't be able to keep his cool long enough to talk in this state.

But you know what? If they want him to talk to Reiner that badly despite all the signs why this is a bad idea, then fine.

He'll do it.

"Sure," he says with what he personally feels is a cheerful grin.

Porco jabs him harshly in the side as if to warn him to stop. Eren doesn't get why he looks so worried for. It's not like Reiner is anything they can't handle. Not to mention Reiner can easily heal any damage they deal while he won't be able to fight back in case he accidentally hurt them. No matter how Eren turns it in his head, they have a clear cut victory. And as long as they don't kill the guy (which, hah, how are they even supposed to manage something like that with titan healing working against them?), it's not like they'll get in trouble with Marleys.

"I-I think I'll be fine. Y-you don't really... have to... t-trouble yourselves," Reiner says uneasily. His eyes flicker from Porco to Eren to Colt and then back to Porco. Eren wonders which of the three Reiner is the most scared of.

"What are you saying, Reiner? This is a great opportunity for you to get reacquainted with everyone," Karina says brightly. "I'll leave my boy to you."

*

"I... er... a-appreciate this," Reiner mumbles, looking more like he wants to run away.

"You should be," Eren says.

Porco rolls his eyes at Eren while Colt tries to give Reiner a small smile. Eren doesn't point out that Porco has made no effort to talk or that Colt's smile looks sickly. At the very least, Eren is engaging with Reiner, which is more than he can say for the other two. See? Eren is healing. 

Reiner looks down at the ground. "Still, thank you. It... really means a lot-"

The only reason Eren's punch doesn't land this time is because Porco moves to block him and Colt pushes Reiner out of the way. By the time Eren shakes Porco off, Reiner's look of surprise has eased into resignation.

It reminds him a little of the new Jaw Titan.

Eren hates them both for just accepting this.

"Keep your cool," Porco reminds Eren lowly.

He makes a small motion with his head, pointing out that they're out in public where anyone walking by can see and hear them. Among those of the Warrior Division, this isn't even close to a problem. But if this was reported to the Public Security Authorities instead of the Warrior Division by a layperson, it could potentially get Eren labeled as a traitor and marked to be "sent to heaven."

Damn it. Eren can't believe he lost his temper so easily. He gives a small smile of thanks to Porco.

When he feels a little less likely to explode, he turns to look at Reiner. Colt has a nervous smile on his face as he tries to talk to Reiner about mundane things in a voice that's a bit too loud. Probably to cover Porco and Eren. He should thank Colt later. Reiner has a tight smile on his face as he nods along to whatever Colt is saying.

"Reiner," Eren calls.

Immediately, Reiner snaps to attention. His back is rigid and shoulders tense. There's just a hint of fear in his eyes as he looks to Eren. By his side, Colt looks just as bad. Except instead of looking at Eren, Colt is desperately looking to Porco as if to silently plead with him to stop Eren. It would be insulting if Eren didn't understand where Colt is coming from.

"Don't misunderstand. This isn't for you. Gabi asked me to help your sorry ass, and Zeke and my mom asked me to talk to you since you're so pathetic. That's all there is to it."

Did Reiner just relax? This bastard is mocking Eren, isn't he?

"S-sorry for assuming," Reiner says despite looking so relaxed.

Later, after they reported to the Warrior Division, Eren is going to beat him where no one will stop him.

*

"Pffft! Hahahaha! You look ridiculous!" Eren laughs, pointing at Porco.

Porco doesn't hesitate to pinch Eren's cheeks as his own cheeks turn beet red. "You bastard! The hell are you mocking me for?!"

Eren struggles to keep his laughter under control, which only serves to make Porco howl in rage. The two of them are a bit further away from Colt and Reiner, who are diligently looking for clothes that might fit Reiner. They all started with the same goal, but Eren just found something that he thought would be hilarious. So he wrapped Porco up in a woolly scarf over protests and is now reaping the well-deserved laughter.

Porco takes a quick second to glance around before releasing Eren's cheeks. His voice is low when he next speaks, signaling that he wants a quick private chat.

"You doing okay?"

"I could ask you the same. Are you actually calm or...?" Eren asks.

"Calmer than you," Porco says. "It's been a while since I saw you snap like that. Does Reiner bother you that much?"

Eren shakes his head no. "It's not Reiner that bothers me."

Porco gives him a look of disbelief. But he doesn't push. He just picks up a... Huh? What the hell is that? There are long tassels attached to it with beads strung together. It looks gaudy as hell, whatever it is.

Wait. Wait. Is that a hat?

With a huge smirk, Porco puts it on Eren's head. "Now we're even."

It takes a second for it to register. And once it does, Eren finds himself laughing. Porco beams like he's done something great. Since it doesn't harm anyone, Eren lets him feel proud.

*

"Oh, that's right. What's going to happen to that Jaw Titan?" Colt asks. "The higher ups haven't decided yet, right?"

The four of them have stopped for ice cream after their shopping trip. Reiner insisted on paying, which is the only reason why Eren got the most expensive and extravagant treat that he normally wouldn't touch. Colt and Porco had the decency to both refuse and are now helping Eren try to finish this before it all melts. Reiner has opted on not getting anything. He was sitting with them, twiddling his thumbs until Colt's question drew his attention.

"I thought they agreed on giving it to Porco?" Reiner says.

That's not surprising. There's absolutely no way the Marleys will trust an Eldian. It's a shock that those in the Warrior Division is trusted as it is, but that probably has more to do with how easily the Eldians of Liberio are controlled with a simple, "We'll send your family to Heaven." So from the beginning, there was no way for Ymir to be a Warrior.

"H-huh?! Me?" Porco exclaims, shocked.

They all give Porco a look that makes him flush in embarrassment.

"Why wouldn't they give it to you?" Eren points out. "Family members have higher compatibility rates with the titans, remember?"

"I-I mean, yes. But I'm not inheriting it straight from Marcel. Doesn't that throw things off?"

That's a good point. Eren tilts his head to the side. "I can ask Zeke, if you want."

"Thanks."

"To Porco, huh?" Colt mumbles.

There's a soft look on Colt's face that seems sadder than it should. Eren doesn't like whatever it is that Colt just thought of, even though he can't read Colt's mind. That look on Colt's face is enough of a hint, though.

"Colt! Your ice cream is dripping!" is the only warning Eren gives before he eats the ice cream Colt has been carefully saving on his spoon.

"Eren, you monster!" Colt protests.

But at least the topic has changed.

*

"Mean! Mean! Mean!" Gabi yells. With each word, she punches Eren's back with her little fists.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Eren laughs.

It earns him a pouty glare. "I can't believe you went shopping with Reiner without me! You said you were busy, you liar!"

"My mom asked me to. I didn't have a choice!"

Gabi gives him a look that clearly says she doesn't believe him.

"Then until you make it up to me, you're forbidden from calling me 'Little Bug!'"

Eren just barley contains his laughter to agree. "Whatever you want, Little Bug!"

"Eren!!"

He's still laughing when he feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Someone is watching them. It can't be any of the Marleyan soldiers, since Eren should be used to their gazes by now. It can't be Porco or Colt, since the two of them are more likely to approach them than watch like this. Then...

His eyes unluckily meet with Reiner's.

Then just as quickly, Reiner looks away. Looks like he's pretending that he hasn't been watching like a creep.

It makes Eren uneasy.

"... and you're not paying attention to me! What are you looking at? ... Reiner?"

Gabi glances at Reiner and then peeks up at Eren's face. Her face pales, and she grabs onto Eren's shirt as if to prevent him from doing anything rash. It reminds him a bit of how Falco used to do that when he was younger and didn't want Eren to leave, insisting that Eren could just stay like Colt does (Eren didn't hear the end of it from Colt for days afterwards). 

"Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong," Eren says as lightly as he can make it.

Gabi doesn't look like she fully believes him, but she latches onto his words anyways. He is thankful for small miracles.

*

The news that they have been attacked catches Eren completely off-guard.

"Attacked?" he asks, snorting. "Someone's stupid enough to do that to Marley?"

He realizes that that is not how the rest of his family feels from the muted expressions on their faces.

"Well... there's no one in the world that's invincible," Grisha says evenly.

Eren finds himself thinking of Marcel at those words. It's not quite that he believed Marcel to be invincible. But he definitely believed that Marcel will be able to make his way back without trouble. Is his current thought of Marley being the strongest another form of believing in Marcel? The thought makes him infinitely sad.

"Both of you will be sent, won't you?" Carla asks softly.

Zeke nods reluctantly. "I can't imagine Marley not responding with their full force."

Their full force, huh? Aside from the Warrior Division, does Marley have other powerful divisions? It's just them, isn't it? Damn. They're going to be expected to do some headache-inducing things. On top of that, Colt, Porco, and Eren will have to look after the children and...

Hold up.

"... like they knew that we failed this mission," Zeke sighs, looking distressed.

Their grandpa squeezes Zeke's shoulder. "That's not your fault. There are always spies everywhere."

"That's right," their grandma agrees, nodding. "You mustn't blame yourself."

"Hey, is Porco going to inherit the Jaw Titan before we go off?" Eren asks.

He doesn't know why he bothered asking. The answer is damned obvious. Of course, Porco will. Why wouldn't Marley make sure of it before going off to war? He shouldn't have asked. Because his family look guilty as hell, and he really doesn't have the patience right now to deal with that.

"I'm done eating."

Abandoning his half-eaten dinner, Eren runs for the Galliard's.

*

"So you ran all the way here," Porco deadpans, giving Eren a judging look.

The two are in Porco's shared room with... Porco's room. This is just Porco's room now, even if there are still Marcel's things all over the place. Eren sits on Porco's bed while Porco leans against the door. Now that Eren is here, though, he can't quite recall why he had felt so panicked that he ran all the way here for.

"Are you stupid or-"

"Yes, I'm stupid! Shut up! Sorry for worrying about you. I guess next time, I'll just cheer mentally that you get to kill your brother's murderer and leave it at that!" Eren snaps.

Porco rolls his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic! I'm not saying I don't appreciate it. It's just... I thought you didn't want to do the whole comforting thing."

"This isn't comforting! This is... this is... Damn it! It is comforting, isn't it?" Eren groans. He buries his face in his hands, trying to hide that his cheeks are burning.

There's a soft sigh and then a sound like Porco is moving around. Then Eren feels the space on the bed next to him dip down. When he peeks from between his fingers, he sees that Porco has sat down next to him on the bed.

"Since you're here anyways, I might as well as take advantage."

That's the only warning Eren gets before Porco rests his forehead against Eren's right shoulder.

"I'm relieved," Porco admits in a soft whisper. "I'm glad I'm not killing Marcel."

Eren can't breath.

It's something he knew in passing but never fully registered. If he inherits the Beast Titan, he will be killing Zeke. And likewise, Porco would have killed Marcel if everything had gone according to plan. They would both have to kill their own brothers all for the sake of continuing this sick system that benefits only the Marley. And? If the two (or any of the Warriors, for that matter) decide to have children, would those kids be forced to inherit the titans, too? Is that why most of the previous Warriors chose to not have children?

"If I keep thinking of it as getting revenge for Marcel, it's easier. But I... keep wondering what kind of person this Ymir is. I know, we've all heard the reports. But that's just what the Warriors who were sent out saw. What did Ymir see? ... How much did Reiner hide in his reports of his five years there?"

Eren wants to say something. He wants to do something. But he finds himself frozen as he listens to Porco's thoughts and questions.

Not for the first time, he wishes that it was Marcel that made it back and not Reiner. But that won't solve this problem before them. Marcel had a limited amount of time. All that would do is buy them a few years before Porco will have to face this, except worse because he'd have to kill his own brother instead of Ymir.

Slowly, Eren lifts his left hand up. But he doesn't know what to do with it. He wants to try comforting Porco, but he doesn't know how. Just as slowly, he finds himself putting it back down.

Porco falls silent after a while of quietly voicing out his thoughts. Eren listens without being able to say or do anything.

*

Zeke quietly stands next to Eren as the two wait for Porco's inheritance to finish. Colt stands a bit further away with the young Warrior Candidates, all peeking glances at Eren to try to gauge how he's feeling. Reiner and Pieck are not here, choosing instead to prepare for the upcoming war strategy meeting.

This tense silence is starting to make Eren go mad.

Is it bad of him to wish to hear something, anything? Even if it's a loud explosion or even gunshots, he'd take it over this grim silence. Why are they all so quiet anyways? They're supposed to be celebrating Porco's sudden promotion from Warrior Candidate to Warrior. At the very least, they should pretend to be happy in front of the Marleys. They-

The door to the underground opens, and Porco walks out, followed by Marleyan soldiers. He glances at them with an awkward smile.

"Yo," he greets.

No one stops Eren from moving towards Porco first. In fact, it's quite possible that they all expected that Eren would move first. Aside from the Marleyans who keep their weapons close in case they have to use it, no one seems too bothered that Eren have made his way to Porco.

"Er... H-hey?" Porco tries, still looking awkward.

Eren pinches Porco's cheek.

"Seriously?" comes the exasperated and slurred word.

What a relief. Eren finds himself giggling as he releases Porco.

"Hehe. It is Porco, after all."

"The hell's that supposed to mean?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That giggle is not Eren's or Colt's. It's too feminine. But that said, it can't be his mom's (she hasn't laughed since Marcel was sent to Paradis Island) or Pieck's (Pieck's laughter is always intermittent with snorts). Perhaps it's one of the young Warrior Candidates? It's a possibility, but Porco doesn't think that that's right.
> 
> No, he feels like he knows this person very well. This person is someone very dear to him.
> 
> Damned sleep paralysis. If he could just open his eyes to check, he wouldn't feel this confused. If he could just see who it is that's giggling...
> 
> He feels something soft brush against his cheek. It didn't feel like someone's finger or hand. Then what just... Huh? C-could it be...?
> 
> Did someone just kiss his cheek?
> 
> Forget sleep paralysis. This is no time to be sleeping! He has to see who that was. He has to!
> 
> With just his sheer will, he forces his eyes open and...
> 
> There's a blonde girl with a smile like a goddess. Porco is certain that he has never met her before. But seeing her like this makes his eyes water. Like he's looking at someone very important to him. Like this person is someone close to his heart.
> 
> Like...
> 
> Like he likes this person very, very much.
> 
> And judging from that kiss, she likes him back, doesn't she?
> 
> A light turbulence of the airship snaps Porco from his... dream? Vision? He has no idea what that was. But the girl is no longer here. 
> 
> He has fallen asleep on the airship to fight in a new war against the idiots who attacked them. Eren and Colt are reading a magazine together. The other young Warrior Candidates are excitedly looking out the window. Zeke and Pieck seems to have started a simple card game that Reiner is watching intensely. It seems they all decided to leave Porco alone to sleep since he just inherited the Jaw Titan. 
> 
> Porco shakes his head. Right. Right. This is reality. There's no beautiful blonde goddess with a smile of gold. 
> 
> Although he is a bit curious as to who she is, he's not going to worry about it. She was probably just some leftovers from a comic he read or something. He moves to see what magazine his friends are looking at.


	3. the bits of yourself you left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has graphic violence, raw emotions, and OCs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Marcel? You alright?"
> 
> He wonders exactly what's showing on his face for Eren to ask that question. There's nothing wrong. How can anything be wrong? He's pretty sure that he bought Porco those extra years that Zeke bought for Eren. His two most precious people will be able to live for a while longer. His two most...
> 
> A sob dares to escape his mouth. He rushes to cover it up and try to assure Eren that he's okay. He's fine. Really. There's nothing wrong. Everything is fine. Everything has to be fine.
> 
> There's a hesitant touch on his shoulder. Marcel finds himself slowly looking up at the worried look on Eren's face.
> 
> He did that.
> 
> Without meaning to, he made Eren that worried. He made Eren this hesitant. He...
> 
> His eyes begin to water. He can't hold the sobs back anymore (not that he was doing a good job of it to begin with). And isn't this so damned stupid? What he did was a good thing. What he did was set up the future for the better. He gave Porco 13 more years to match Eren's. He made sure that the two won't be lonely. That they'll be together. That they'll be able to keep each other company.
> 
> But what about him?
> 
> Why couldn't those extra years include him as well? Why couldn't he also be alive with them, be together with them? Why does his own life have to end so short in comparison? Why does he have to be alone?
> 
> Eren looks completely caught off-guard by Marcel's tears. And Marcel can't even blame him. Not knowing what to do when your friend suddenly starts to cry is normal. It's perfectly okay. Because if Eren knew how to comfort Marcel, he might selfishly rob Eren of those extra years Zeke worked so hard to buy him.
> 
> "I'm okay," Marcel lies. "Just got something in my eye."
> 
> Eren gives him a look of pure disbelief. But he doesn't seem to know how to approach this topic.
> 
> Good, Marcel thinks. He'll just leave it as that. Then this will just become yet another incident that doesn't matter. This is just something that's easily forgettable.
> 
> Eren's arms are warm around him. Eren's presence is soothing beyond words. Eren is-
> 
> "Shut up. You're not okay."
> 
> It's so beautifully cruel that Marcel can't help but to love and resent Eren in the same breath.

"Our main priority is to crush our enemy and stop them from advancing forward," Magath explains to them. "For that, the Warrior Candidates will be key."

Magath doesn't even seem to register the way the young Warrior Candidates are looking at him excitedly. Eren wishes that he'd notice them. Notice them and say something to discourage them from running onto the battlefield. But he supposes that's too selfish of a thing for an Eldian to want. At the end of the day, they're all just tools for Marley to use.

"Eren, Grice-"

Both Falco and Colt snap to attention. Magath notes that with a scowl.

"Colt. Not Falco. You two with Galliard-"

Porco leans in just a bit to touch shoulders with Eren.

"-will work on infiltration on ground... What, Braun?"

Both Gabi and Reiner straighten. Magath curses under his breath at the realization of just how many name changes are needed now. If that bothers him, he should consider not making family members Warriors. But that's not something Eren is allowed to voice.

"Reiner, what?" Magath snaps.

"O-oh, I was under the impression that Galliard will be with the other Warriors to get used to his titan," Reiner manages out.

The expression on Magath's face doesn't change, but they all feel his mounting irritation. Eren makes a mental note to not push the Commander if he doesn't want the children to bear the brunt of that anger.

"Galliard, stay with Zeke and Pieck. Zeke, I expect Galliard to be caught up and ready for battle. Reiner, join Eren and Grice... Colt in recon. The rest of the Warrior Candidates will stay in this headquarters and train. Dismissed."

Eren finds himself unexpectedly releasing a breath he hadn't realized he's been holding. Good, he thinks. Magath isn't so unreasonable that he'd send bunch of children out for recon. It's probably because bunch of kids asking for information is too suspicious. Eren can't imagine a Marleyan actually caring enough about Eldian children for it to be anything else.

Porco lightly punches Eren's shoulder. "Be good without me." Then he squeezes Colt's shoulder. "Keep your eyes on this one."

The difference in treatment would be insulting if Eren hadn't already gotten in trouble a few times during recon missions. But in his defense, how was he supposed to know that his intuition was correct in following that shady man? Or that the warehouse he decided rest in turned out to be where the dealing will be held? He just has bad luck, okay (Or perhaps it's that he has way too good of a luck)? It's not like he purposefully go around looking for trouble.

"B-be careful," Falco tells the recon team.

It's echoed by the rest of the young Warrior Candidates, some more reluctant than others. Gabi kicks at the ground and grabs Eren's sleeve.

"It's not fair! I bet we'll be good at recon, too!"

"Little Bug," Eren sighs, clicking his tongue. "Don't you get what the Commander is doing?"

That catches the rest of the young Warrior Candidates' attention. Actually, it feels like everyone's watching Eren for his words of wisdom. They better not mock him for this later. That means you, Porco.

"You guys are our secret weapons. We can't tip our hands to the enemy that we have so many capable Warrior Candidates, now can we?"

Gabi's eyes light up. "Secret weapons!" she whispers breathlessly.

The young Warrior Candidates seem to have fallen for it. Eren feels just a tad guilty. He's taking advantage of their naive innocence to trick them into thinking the way he needs them to. Isn't that the same thing the Marleys do?

"Nice," Pieck mouths with her thumb up.

He doesn't feel particularly proud of it, though.

"Then shall we talk about dividing our task?" Colt suggests.

*

The information that Magath asked them to focus on is the typical gauging the reaction of the people. Are the people of this town that they've come to on the side of Marley or the attackers? If the Warriors publicly announce their presence here, how would the people react? Are there any enemy among the people, recruiting? If so, can any of them get access? Any and all information that they can get their hands on, they need to bring back.

For this purpose, they've been provided with Marleyan clothes and permission to take off their armbands for the week of this mission. It's important that they're not automatically recognized as Eldians and held up. This is typically a secret that the higher ups pretend doesn't happen. Thinking about it like that, Eren wonders if maybe the true reason why Magath refused to send the children out is to continue to keep this hush-hush.

This also means that the three of them will not return to the headquarters for the duration of this mission. Eren is dreading how awful this week will be to spend with Reiner. At least they've been given a rather generous sum of spending money for this mission. But he's not sure if the money is enough to deal with the headache that is Reiner.

"Oh, I get it. Since the other Warriors are high-profile, we're not using them!" Reiner says, snapping his fingers.

Eren makes a face. No, that's not it at all. Everyone knows the titans, but very few people know their human forms. There's no fear of being discovered. Eren would be shocked if the people even knew Magath's face, to be honest. If anything, this is just a precaution Magath is taking because he doesn't trust Porco with the Jaw Titan. If it turns out that Porco cannot control his titan, then there will be two titans ready to put him down.

But he doesn't want to admit that out loud, especially not to Reiner. Because doing so will cement the fact that Porco shouldn't have inherited a titan. That Porco was never a good Candidate. That the Marleys were right all along in choosing Reiner over Porco.

"Sure. Whatever. Let's just get going," Eren grumbles.

Colt lets out a soft sigh but doesn't scold Eren for his attitude. Instead, he just gives Reiner a small smile that looks crooked. "See you both here in two hours? We can figure out where to stay then."

"Here" being in front of a statue of a man on a horse. Eren thinks this might be celebrating someone heroic, what with how much care has been put into maintaining it. But the same care hasn't been given to the label by the statue. It is too worn out to be readable. Do the people of this place know the statue too well to care about the label? Then they probably don't get much outsiders. Eren makes a note of that for when he's approaching locals.

"H-huh? We're going off alone?" Reiner asks.

"It's suspicious if we clump together," Colt says gently.

Reiner looks like he's about to have a panic attack. What a great hero who survived the Paradis Island. He panics at the thought of doing a solo recon mission. Is that why Annie disappeared? Because she got tired of pulling his weight, especially after Mar-

...

That's no good. He needs to stop feeling so bitter. If this attitude of his ends up getting in the way of the mission, he won't hear the end of it from Zeke. It's for his brother's sake. It's not for Reiner.

That's the only reason why he suggests it.

"Colt, you stay with Reiner. I doubt he'll be able to do anything by himself anyways. Show him the ropes and things. If that's it, I'm heading off."

He hates the look of shock on both of their faces. Can't they just look away and pretend that they didn't see him do something kind? He'd much prefer that over this.

"I'm not saying this for your sake, Reiner," Eren snaps. "It's for Zeke. He'll be upset if I mess up the mission because of my feelings."

Reiner dares to smile. Why the hell does this guy always have to mock Eren for? Does he want to be beaten instead of going on this mission? Maybe that's what he should do. Tell Colt to go get information while he beats up Reiner.

"W-we should go off then," Colt says quickly as if realizing Eren's thought process.

"Fine."

*

If he were older (and it was closer to nighttime), he would most definitely try the bar for information. But as it is, it's too obvious that he's not old enough to enter (It's possible that if Reiner wasn't too anxious, he might be able to pass off as an adult. But Eren isn't going to trust him to do something like that). His next course of action is to go to the back alleyways.

It's easier to do this if he has Porco backing him. But that's not something he can ask for. Not when Porco has his own problems to deal with.

Oh.

From now on, they won't be able to work together on the field.

Eren realizes belatedly he didn't think about what it means for Porco to become a Warrior without him. He had always believed that he and Porco would become Warriors at the same time. They will live their 13 years of term together, and when the time comes, they will die together. That's how it should have been. But with how things are now, Eren will doubtlessly live with Colt by his side. Porco would be long dead by then.

He shakes his head.

Now is not the time to be thinking about things like this. He should be focusing on his mission. Porco is probably getting his ass handed to him by Pieck and Zeke double-teaming against him. So while his friend is working hard, Eren should also achieve results. It's not like Colt can do much with Reiner shackling him down.

If only Mar-

He forcibly stops that train of thought before it can go any further. For the entirety of this week, he swears, he will not rely on thoughts of someone long gone to survive.

*

The thing about back alleyways is that you have to search for some time before you run into someone. And just because you spot someone doesn't mean you'll automatically be able to talk to them either. But if you're patient, you'll be able to find something useful eventually. This, of course, is not something that Eren stumbled upon by himself. It was in a book that Colt read that they jokingly decided to try out. Since it worked out for them, they just never stopped.

As it happens, it takes Eren just three different tries before he runs into some punks picking on a kid. Today is a good day, he thinks to himself. Usually, this takes a few days.

"Hey, I'm a bit lost, won't you point me in the right direction?" Eren asks as he approaches the group with a sheepish smile.

The group as a whole tenses. The person getting picked on has a look of annoyance. This person clearly doesn't need to be rescued. He'll probably get mad if Eren jumps in, huh? Okay. In this situation, it'll be better if Eren continues his talk like a lost tourist.

"We're busy," one of the guys snaps.

Eren lets his smile become apologetic. "My friends and I were supposed to meet back at the statue but I can't seem to find it. Do you know where it is?"

There's a frustrated sigh before another guy moves to block Eren's view of the guy getting picked on. This guy fakes a smile on his face. Eren returns it with a friendly one of his own. That seems to make the gathered group feel a bit guilty. Heh. Eren's acting must have gotten better again if these guys can't tell that it's fake.

"Which statue?" the guy asks.

"The... uh... The horse one?"

"There are five horse ones," another guy says, just a pause away from irritation. "Which horse?"

Five? Really? Eren doesn't remember seeing that many. They really like their horses here, huh?

"Something-something there's a dude on it?" Eren tries.

The group lets out a collective sigh like Eren's an idiot. It's annoying, but Eren will just have to play up the clueless tourist role until he can get some information out of this.

"Is the dude pointing?" the guy who's getting picked on asks.

Eren thinks about it. "I... think so? Off into the distance."

"Oh, it's Dum-Dum!"

... Who?

"Uh... He's... Kyle, what's his real name?"

"Captain Dumar," the guy getting picked on offers.

"Oh right! Thanks, Ethan. Captain Dumar. It happened like... what?"

"Fifteen years ago," the guy getting picked on fills in.

The others nod. "Yeah! Fifteen years ago, there was a disease that hit the town pretty badly. And Dum-Dum rode to the nearest military base for help, right? The idiot fell into a ditch! He was stuck there for three days. In the meanwhile, the base sent someone with medicine for everyone in town. So everyone was fine by the time they realized that Dum-Dum never came back."

... The reason why that statue's label is so worn out is probably because the story is embarrassing.

"Why make a statue for someone like that...?" Eren wonders.

The gathered guys all laugh. "Because it's funny!"

What a guy, Eren thinks. This Captain Dumar sounds like he's as just as useless as Reiner.

*

"So what are you doing here?"

The guy who was getting picked on is apparently actually good friends with the rest of the group. It looks like they had a minor disagreement, which led to such a misleading situation. No wonder this guy looked like he didn't want any help. He introduces himself as Ethan when Eren introduces himself. And from the left, the other guys' names are Tom, Kyle, Matt, and Wilson.

"This is the middle ground, if you will," Eren explains.

"The middle ground?" Wilson asks.

Eren nods. "I have two penpals. We've been exchanging letters for a while now, and we finally decided to meet up. Judging from our locations, this was the middle-most place for all of us to meet."

"That's cute," Tom says, laughing.

"You guys picked a bad time," Ethan tells him with a frown. "We were attacked a few days back."

Eren sighs. "Yeah, I only heard about that after I arrived. But it doesn't really like anyone's all that worried."

"Well, with someone like Captain Dumar guarding us..." Ethan grins wryly at Eren's expression. "Let me guess, you thought he was dead?"

"S-sorry! I'm more used to statues being made for dead people."

Kyle laughs. "Yeah, I know what you mean. If you could die of embarrassment, though, my uncle would definitely be dead fifty times over!"

That's... a connection Eren didn't expect to learn about.

"It's because there's really no need for Marleyans like us to become soldiers," Ethan continues, shaking his head. "After all, those monsters will just show up and take care of the rest! No wonder the rest of our military is in shambles."

"Oh no, here he goes again!" the others groan. They mock-whisper to Eren, "This guy is crazy gung-ho about Marleyan might."

"It's important!" Ethan insists while the others shake their heads at him. "If we had a more powerful military that isn't reliant on those monsters, we would never have been attacked. Those attacks started because those monsters failed their mission. It's all their fault!"

Those words sting more than Eren expected. The words of protest are on the tip of his tongue, but he forces them all down. Speaking up about that right now will just end up casting suspicion on himself. He's getting the information he needs. So right now, he just needs to go along with it.

"Get off your high horse, Ethan," Kyle sighs, rolling his eyes. "It's because of those monsters that we can get away with not enlisting and fighting in wars. And it's why our friend Eren here can travel to meet his penpals. Isn't that right?"

Eren offers a sheepish laugh. "That's exactly it."

Aside from Ethan, the rest of the guys seem to be on the same page as Kyle. But the question becomes whether or not this is a sentiment echoed by the rest of the town.

"Oh, there it is," Matt says, pointing at the statue.

It's not time to meet up by any stretch of imagination, but Reiner is standing by there like an idiot. Where's Colt? Did Colt abandon Reiner here after realizing just how useless he is? Is that why Reiner is anxiously looking around? This is bad. At this rate-

Reiner's eyes light up at the sight of him. Damn it. Damn it.

"Eren!" Reiner shouts. He waves excitedly, seemingly completely unaware of how much that attracts attention.

What the hell happened for this guy to look this happy to see Eren? Isn't he supposed to be scared of Eren?

The plan that Eren so carefully constructed relied on Colt and Reiner having already left this area. Seeing that his friends weren't around, Eren would casually suggest that they hang out together. And the group would take him to the best spots a tourist would normally not know about so that Eren could pick up more information by observing the townfolks. It's a little hard to do that if Reiner is making a fool of himself like this.

"That your penpal?" Tom asks, a loose grin on his face.

Eren forces himself to smile. "One of them, yeah. That's Reiner."

He waves at Reiner, hoping that the dumbass will get a hint. He, of course, is sorely disappointed. Reiner beams at him like some kind of a dog and comes running. Even before Eren or anyone can speak, he begins to talk.

"I'm so glad you're here! Colt said that he wanted to check something out and left. I wasn't sure what else to do. So I just waited here. But some of the people were giving me the stink eye and... E-Eren? You alright?"

Reiner's high of seeing someone he knows must have worn off. His face slowly pales as realization sinks in. Yeah, you dumbass. You finally see reality now? This is why the Paradis mission failed, because you're this clueless. Everyone died (Well, Annie's whereabouts are technically unknown) because of Reiner. No one can convince Eren otherwise.

"Y-yeah. Just fine. It's just strange to see you talking. I didn't think you'd look just like your picture, my dearest penpal!"

Eren mentally winces. That's such an unnatural way of speaking. But Reiner got the hint, right? He's not going to be an idiot and play along, right? He's not that clueless, right?

There's a blank look on Reiner's face. If this guy dares to mess this up...

"To be honest, I thought you'd be taller from your pictures," Reiner says with an easy smile that pisses Eren off.

Ass. But he's playing along, so Eren can't get too mad. He's not mad. He's not.

"I'm normal height. You're just freakishly big."

Reiner chuckles like they're good friends joking around. Eren hopes that's the vibe they give off to the locals. Even though it grates him to lower himself to this level, information is information. Right now, making sure that they don't fail is more important than his pride. Every bit of information can be something crucial that keeps those kids away from the battlefield.

He can't fail.

"Thanks for your help, guys," Eren tells the others.

"Yeah, no problem. Don't go getting lost now. Not everyone's as friendly as we are."

C'mon. Think. He needs to come up with an excuse to get these guys to show them around town. He needs to-

Reiner's stomach lets out a loud growl. His cheeks dust red as he laughs self-consciously.

"Sorry about that."

Eren can't believe he's mentally thanking Reiner for this.

"Hey, do you guys know a good place to eat? Preferably somewhere that other tourists won't swarm at. We want good food, not what tourist spots say to eat," Eren says.

"Is that okay? Aren't you missing a friend?" Matt asks.

Eren shrugs. "Reiner here sounds like he'll faint if he doesn't eat. Besides, if Colt saw something and went off, then he's most definitely not going to be back for at least a few hours. He's a flower nut."

"Then want to grab something at my folk's place?" Wilson suggests.

*

Wilson's folk's place is just a regular restaurant. Although it's still the middle of the afternoon, there are still stragglers here eating. The whispered conversations between them sound interesting. Reiner better realize what Eren's doing and keep the rest of the guys with them occupied.

"... going to attack again?"

"I'm sure the monster division will move before that."

"But what if those anti-titan weapons are actually-"

"So what kind of letters do you guys exchange?" Matt asks, snapping Eren out of listening.

Why isn't Reiner answering already? Does Eren really have to step in? For something this simple? Reiner, aren't you way too useless?

When he glances over at Reiner, he realizes with a start that Reiner's face is beet red. Why? Why is Reiner's face red? Just answer the stupid question instead of blushing! Can't he see that Eren is trying to get information from the others in the restaurant? Why can't he for once be helpful?

"J-just... n-normal letters," Reiner says, face turning even redder.

Matt whistles lowly. "'Normal' letters, huh?"

The other guys leer knowingly for some strange reasons. Eren doesn't really get it, but he figures he might as well as expand since Reiner is failing miserably at the one task Eren trusted him to do. Lesson learned. Never trust Reiner.

"The three of us have matching hobbies. Colt likes flowers. Reiner likes to hike. And I like photography. That's all there is to it."

"I-it's just..." Reiner smiles softly, looking quite gentle with that blush of his. "Exchanging letters with you means a lot to me."

There's something about the way Reiner is acting that makes the hairs on the back of Eren's neck stand up. His entire body tenses, getting ready to fight or run (he's not sure which at this point). Is he disgusted? Is he angry? He can't figure out his own feelings. All he knows is that he doesn't like this. He can't stand this.

If Reiner keeps this up, Eren will quite possibly snap.

"You're exaggerating! Our letters are really nothing fancy," Eren says firmly.

He feels like puking. He feels like puking. He feels like-

The smile on Reiner's face dims in a manner that's painfully familiar. He lets out a soft chuckle that sounds self-deprecating. That sounds so much like Ma-

Matt sighs and shakes his head. He pats Reiner's shoulder consoling. "You have it rough, too, huh?"

"'Too?'" Reiner echoes.

Matt motions at Wilson, who blushes.

"Don't," Wilson warns.

But Matt grins widely, signaling that he's not going to listen. "Wilson here has a crush on this girl, Vi, right? And he-"

"Don't say it!" Wilson whines.

It goes ignored as the others jump in with wild laughs and jokes. Their voices overlap the stories they're all trying to say. This cacophony of sound gives Eren just enough respite to snap himself out of it. Focus on this. Focus on their laughter and stories. Focus on right now.

The mission. Remember that? He can't fail. He can't let something like Reiner get in his way. He is better than that. Because if he isn't, then the children will suffer.

It's for the children. It's for Falco and Gabi and Udo and Zofia and-

"When he asked her out, she responded that they were already outside!"

Deep breaths. It's fine. He's going to be fine.

"Were you already outside?" Eren asks curiously.

See? He's fine. His voice didn't shake. His smile is firm on his face. He is fine.

"Yes," Wilson groans. He drops his head in his hands. "Haha! Very funny. Just... leave me alone."

"I don't get it. If you were already outside, then she's right," Eren says.

There's a stunned silence as everyone turns to stare at Eren in disbelief. Huh? Was that not the right thing to say? But he's not sure where he got lost from their long list of stories. When he asks for them to explain themselves, there's just a long heaving sigh.

Wilson squeezes Reiner's shoulder. "You have it really hard."

Eren doesn't like the way everyone else seems to be in the loop but him. Seeing no choice, he switches the topic.

*

Wilson's dad raises a brow when he hears that Eren and Reiner are penpals.

"Didn't know you kids still do things like that," he remarks. Then a little more seriously, he adds, "But now really isn't such a good time. We were recently attacked."

"I heard after I arrived," Eren informs him.

Reiner nods. "Ditto."

"Well, I suppose you guys just have to sit tight for few days at most. The Monsters of Marley will get here soon enough to take care of it. Until then, I'm sure Dum-Du... I-I mean Captain Dumar will keep us safe with his volunteer army keeping the enemy at bay."

Eren notes the way Reiner tenses and wonders why. Could it be that because he was away in Paradis for so long that he didn't realize how the public saw the Warriors? No way. He can't be that naive... can he? Actually, Reiner has always been that glossy-eyed naive. Who else would believe that Reiner's dad is a Marleyan? Even Eldians don't want to touch Karina. Why would a Marleyan ever fuck her? Everyone knows that, but Reiner stubbornly held onto the belief that his dad was a Marleyan.

"It's thanks to those monsters that we get to travel like this, though," Eren says lightly. "Right, Reiner?"

That must have snapped Reiner out of whatever he was thinking of, because he turns to Eren with a smile. Eren pushes down the urge to punch him. Mission, he reminds himself. For the kids.

"I just hope those monsters don't destroy our town too much. It'll be annoying to clean up."

From the short bits of conversation Eren heard, it doesn't seem like people care all that much about any sign of war. He also hasn't seen any sign of dissent from Warrior Division being used here. In fact, everyone expects for them to take care of this problem as quickly as possible.

It's too little information that he's gathered thus far to arrive on a conclusion. But as of now, he feels confident saying that they should be able to safely launch an attack without any backstabbing from the townspeople.

Until then, he's a little curious about this "anti-titan weapon" that the people were talking about earlier.

*

The group returns the two of them to the statue after the meal, where Colt is waiting for them. With cheerful goodbyes and promises to meet up later, the three of them decide to look for a place to stay for the week.

"From what I've seen, they seem more annoyed that we haven't acted faster," Colt whispers lowly as they walk through the street.

Eren nods. "That's what I've found, too."

"Does this mean that it's over?" Reiner asks hopefully. "We're done with recon?"

"N-not quite. This little information isn't conclusive. It'll probably take a few more surveying to be able to say for certain we have good enough information," Colt says.

Reiner, this asshole, dares to look disappointed. Should Eren remind him that Reiner is the one who almost messed up this mission?

"You know, I'm a bit shocked to see the two of them together," Colt says lightly.

"You left him. If anything, I'm shocked you'd be so irresponsible," Eren grouches.

"It couldn't be helped. Can you imagine trying to get information with Reiner anxiously standing behind you?" Colt pauses when he realizes that Reiner is giving him a betrayed look. "I-I mean... I-it's just because you're not used to it yet. A-and think of it this way, you'll probably never do another recon mission, since you're a Warrior."

Reiner doesn't look very comforted by those words. "Eren, I was helpful, wasn't I?"

There's just one way to answer that question, of course.

Probably because of that, Colt moves to physically stop Eren while Reiner takes few steps back. Colt grabs Eren by the shoulders and forces Eren to meet eyes with him. Despite not saying a single word, Eren gets the message loud and clear.

He forces himself to take multiple deep breaths to calm himself. When he feels calmer, he whispers a shaky thanks to Colt.

"You have to be careful," Colt reminds him. "Falco will never forgive me if his favorite brother goes down."

"You're his favorite brother," Eren says, letting himself smile.

Colt grins. "Glad we settled that dispute so quickly."

The two share a brief moment of laughter before separating. That good mood doesn't last for too long, though. Eren's eyes land on Reiner. He's staring at the two of them with a hooded look that makes Eren uncomfortable. What? Does he want a fight? The hell does he always have to be so-

Colt squeezes Eren's shoulder, reminding him to be calm.

This is going to be a long week.

*

The inn they pick is so cheap that Eren can't help but to wonder what kind of problems this inn has for its low price. Despite how cheap it is, the three of them opted to share one room. Whatever money they use during this week will be taken directly out of their paychecks. They can't afford to be careless.

But it's still damned frustrating to be rooming with Reiner.

"I'll take the couch," Eren announces.

Their room has two twin beds and a single couch. They are on the first floor and a window that faces a park. There's a single bathroom with a shower, and a shabby looking desk next to the window. All in all, it's a pretty fancy place for its price.

"I thought you'd tell me to take it," Reiner admits, looking surprised.

"And then you'll go complaining to Magath that we treated our Warrior so poorly?" Eren asks, rolling his eyes. "Hah. Good try."

Reiner chuckles lightly. And again, Eren finds the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. This bastard is doing it again. He's purposefully riling Eren up. He's-

"Eren, I can heal any discomfort away. It's alright. I'd rather you be comfortable."

That kind smile is insulting. That sweet way Reiner tilts his head just a bit is cruel. That gentle tone of voice that Reiner uses is...

It's Marcel.

This fuck is using Marcel's smiles, Marcel's tone of voice, Marcel's mannerism. All the while pretending like Eren doesn't know. Like Eren won't be able to tell. Like Eren won't recognize the very person he wanted to spend the rest of that short life with.

Like Eren didn't love Marcel.

His body slams into Reiner's. Any normal time, Reiner's bigger body would have been able to brace itself enough to catch Eren and stop his momentum. But Eren caught him off-guard. He successfully brings Reiner the ground, just barely missing smashing Reiner's head against the couch in the process.

"E-Eren, wai-"

Whatever Reiner wanted to say is lost as Eren swings his fists down. And Eren isn't a violent person by any stretch of the imagination. You can't be. Not in the interment zone of Liberio. That's a sure-fire death sentence to be "sent to heaven" by the oh-so-merciful Marleyans. What Eren is is action-oriented. He deals with stress (and anger and hate and any other negative emotions in the world) by doing something physical. Typically, it's playing catch ball with Zeke. Typically, it's racing against Colt. Typically, it's being a human playground for the kids that come to the clinic. Typically, it's sparring against Porco.

But Reiner spent the last five years of his life on that blasted island with nothing to show for it. He doesn't know that he's supposed to fight back. Or perhaps it's more that he never knew how to fight back? It's not like any of them has ever been taught that it's okay to fight back. It's easier if you just accept the cruel world as it is. You're supposed to agree with whatever the Marleys give you.

But Eren isn't a Marleyan. There are no Marleyans in this room. It's just the three of them.

Reiner can be as violent as he'd like. Eren has a week to heal whatever injury Reiner gives him.

But to be honest, he doesn't care.

He doesn't care that his fists are drumming down on Reiner's face. He doesn't care that his nose is filled with the stench of blood. He doesn't care that his ears are ringing with his own screams of anguish. Because fuck you, Reiner. Fuck you.

"You are _not_ Marcel! Don't smile like him! Don't talk like him! Don't you dare act like him! Go back to being Reiner. That's all you're good for anyways."

"Eren!"

Colt shoves Eren off of Reiner, pinning him down with all of his weight. Eren can't move. He can struggle all he wants, but Colt planned this strategically. Eren can't do anything but scream out the last of his frustrations.

When he stops, it's only because his throat can't keep up anymore. It's only because the world is blurry with his tears. It's only because it's hitting him yet again that Marcel is gone. He won't sit down next to Eren to cheer him up. He won't ruffle Eren's hair with his charming laugh. He won't ever be here with Eren again. All because he decided to save Reiner.

There's a knock on the door.

"Are you guys okay in there?" the innkeeper asks.

"J-just fine! Sorry about the noise!" Colt yells back as cheerfully as he can.

"If you say so."

Colt looks infinitely tired as he looks down at Eren with a scowl. "You need to keep your temper in check. Don't think I won't report you just because you're my friend."

"Get off of me," Eren mumbles.

He finds it too embarrassing to meet Colt's eyes. He looks everywhere but at Colt's face, noting as a passing thought that Reiner is healing himself. Asshole. He won't even let Eren see the damage he caused.

"Can you keep yourself in check? If not, I don't mind spending the night like this."

"Let me go run it off," Eren says.

There's a small pause as Colt seems to consider that. Then he lets out a soft sigh and gets off. Before the steam around Reiner disappears completely, Eren bolts out of the room.

*

His head is a mess. But that's not a good enough excuse to ruin the mission. Then again, it's not as if there's any excuse that would ever be good enough or acceptable to ruin a mission. At least, not according to the Marleys.

These raging feelings warring inside of him need to be quelled. He needs to be able to smile and play the part of friendly penpals meeting for the first time. It's just for a week. It's just for a mission. He can do this.

C'mon, he's already done worse things.

He's killed for missions. He's broken limbs for missions. He's tortured all for the sake of getting intel. He's done plenty of horrible things that made his skin crawl and keep him up at nights.

What's this in the grand scheme of things?

See?

It's fine.

He's fine.

He's not going to snap at Reiner. He's not going to pummel that asshole every time he opens his mouth.

It's fine.

Eren takes a deep breath. He took two laps around the park next to the inn. It was just enough to get him winded and sort out his thoughts. Now, he feels calm enough to face Colt and Reiner again.

He stares at the door.

It's just a door. Just open it and walk in. It's simple enough motion he's done a thousand times before. Why is he hesitating so much?

He feels frustrated at himself. Why can't he just get on with it?

Slowly, his hand touches the door and-

"... kind, isn't he?"

"Reiner, Eren beat your face in so badly that your titan healing took a while to fix you. 'Kind' isn't the word you're looking for."

"But he said... that I'm not Marcel. In Paradis, after Marcel died, I promised Annie and Bertolt that I'd be Marcel for them. He... He's the only one to ever tell me that I don't have to be someone else."

Eren jerks away from the door like he's been burned.

He can't deal with this.

Like a coward, he turns tail and runs.

*

He wishes he didn't give the bunny doll back. He wishes he had something - anything - of Marcel's that he can hold. Hell, he'll even take Porco's back.

Starting tomorrow, he'll have to pretend that he's penpals with Colt and Reiner. He will have to play the wide-eyed Marleyan who has never seen battle. He will have to throw aside his feelings to focus on the mission.

So until tomorrow comes, can he please just have a little bit of comfort?

He wants his mom's laughing hugs. He wants his grandparents' teasing doting. He wants Grisha's awkward shoulder pats. He wants Zeke's overflowing affections. He wants Porco's light punch against his chest. He wants Colt's back against his own. He wants Falco's worried hugs. He wants Gabi's loud yet reassuring yells.

But more than all of that, he wants Marcel.

He wants Marcel's teasing laughter. He wants Marcel's warm presence. He wants Marcel's bright grins. He wants Marcel's gentle jokes.

He wants Marcel.

Just for tonight, won't the world give him that?

It's fine if it's just a trick of the light. It's fine if it's just a whisper of the grass. It's fine if it's just a brush of the wind.

Please let him believe that Marcel is by his side.

...

He wishes he can say that the world changed. That Marcel appeared out of nowhere, apologizing for his tasteless joke. Or that he was comforted by a presence that felt so much like Marcel as if an angel was watching over him. Or that the world was kind enough to lie to him to make him believe that Marcel was really here.

But that's not the kind of world he lives in.

He remains infinitely alone in that park.

*

When he finally picks himself up from the grass to return to the inn, Colt is sleeping awkwardly against the door outside of their room. Eren feels guilty for worrying him this much.

"Hey," he says, gently touching Colt's shoulder.

Colt jerks awake, flailing slightly to not fall to the ground. Eren helps steady him.

"There you are! You didn't come back after a while, so I..." Colt clears his throat and lowers his voice. "Are you okay? If you want, we can just return with the information that we have. We don't have to do this for a week."

It's tempting.

He wants to throw another temper tantrum and demand it. And then what? They return with incomplete information that can potentially hurt the Warriors? What if that's what forces the children onto the battlefield? What if, in retaliation, the Marleys round up all of their families back in Liberio and "send them to heaven?"

Like hell Eren can allow that.

"I'm okay now," he lies.

Colt pinches Eren's cheeks. "No, you're not. Look how red your ears are getting... You don't have to lie to me. If you're not okay, that's fine. You don't have to force yourse-"

Eren pulls himself free from Colt's hands. He touches his cheeks, feeling a bit annoyed at being treated like a kid. He knows that he's been childishly lashing out at Reiner. But that doesn't mean he should be treated like one.

"But if I don't, then everyone else will suffer. I can't just selfishly ask for that, Colt. For Falco and the other kids. For Zeke and Pieck. For Porco. For our families. It's just for a week. I can do it."

It looks like Colt will protest for a second. But he seems to think better of it.

"I trust you," he says.

Eren finds himself grinning. "And I trust you."

"You know, I didn't mean it. When I said I would report you? I didn't mean that at all. It just came out, and I'm so sorry for saying something so cruel."

"Colt, I know. It's okay."

*

Reiner is sitting on the couch, twiddling his thumb. He doesn't look like he's slept and turns to the two of them when they enter with immense relief on his face. But before he can open his mouth, Eren holds his hand up.

"It's not for you," he says as firmly as he can. "It's for the mission."

He thought Reiner might be crestfallen. He thought Reiner might look a bit depressed. But instead, Reiner brightens and nods enthusiastically.

"For the mission," Reiner echoes.

Eren gets a bad feeling about this, but he's too tired to think on it more.

"Let's just rest up for today. We'll worry about the mission tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porco can't believe he's not even sore after being so thoroughly beaten all day. This titan healing thing is pretty awesome. He mentioned to Zeke and Pieck that he could keep going, but they both gave him a look that said that they wanted to rest.
> 
> But he's antsy.
> 
> His friends are out there on a recon mission without him (Worse still, they have to babysit Reiner). Are they doing okay? Did they run into any trouble? Eren has a bad habit of rushing headfirst into things without proper plans and make things up as he goes. If you're not good on your feet, you can end up not just throwing him off but also ruining the mission. And to be honest, Porco doesn't think Reiner has what it takes to keep up with Eren.
> 
> He wants to get the go-ahead quickly. He wants to be told that his control over his titan is good enough for war.
> 
> He wants to return quickly to his friends.
> 
> They'll probably laugh if they knew, but it's not just worry in his heart. He also... maybe... just a little bit... misses them. It's stupid, he knows. But they've never been apart for more than few hours to go home and sleep (and sometimes, they slept over at each others' places) for the past five years. An entire day is already making him feel so homesick for those two, but to last an entire week?
> 
> He wants to hear Colt's laughter. He wants to see Eren's grins. He wants to talk to Colt, maybe kick him lightly. He wants to spar with Eren and be tickled silly at the end of it all. He misses the two of them more than he misses his own family. And how messed up is that? He thinks he might actually miss them more than he ever missed Marcel.
> 
> A flash of gold catches his eyes, and he finds himself turning to see it clearly. His heartbeat is already racing like he's anticipating something. There's a strange flutter in his stomach that doesn't feel like he had a bad lunch. He doesn't really get himself.
> 
> There's nothing there.
> 
> Why does he feel so crushingly disappointed? What was he hoping for? This is starting to frustrate him. Is this related to inheriting the Jaw Titan? Is he going to be haunted by this flashes of gold in the corner of his eyes until his term is up? What the hell does that even mean anyways? Why gold?
> 
> He doesn't have time to waste on this. His friends can get into really bad trouble if the others realize that they're Eldians disguised as Marleyans for info.
> 
> So why is it that he keeps looking around to find that flash of gold again?
> 
> Figuring he has nothing to lose, he goes to find Zeke to ask about it.
> 
> "A flash of gold?" Zeke asks, raising a brow. "Yes, I'd say your guess that it's a leftover from your previous holder is most likely correct. Often, the strongest feeling the person felt right before death lingers for a bit. But this is the first time I heard about seeing gold in the corner of your eyes."
> 
> Should Porco bring up the blonde girl he saw before? Is she related to this? But he hasn't seen her since. Just flashes of gold. He figures she's not important.
> 
> "I think it should fade with time. But if it doesn't, let me know."


	4. the broken division you left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urk. The promised fluff chapter turned out way too short. But as I'll probably not be around next week, please have this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Pieck, I want your honest opinion."
> 
> She straightens at his words and turns to him with a confident smile. It encourages him more than he thought it would.
> 
> "Ask away," she says lightly.
> 
> She sounds like she's trying hard not to sound eager, he notes. Like she's pretending to be casual about this. Just a little, he wonders if this really is such a good idea. Maybe he should've asked Zeke for advice instead?
> 
> "If I asked him, do you think Eren will agree to be... with me? Regardless of who becomes chosen to inherit the titans or not, I mean."
> 
> Her mouth drops open in disbelief before she quickly composes herself. He doesn't know how to read that expression that passed too quickly. What did that mean? Why was she in disbelief? What did she think that he was going to say if not this?
> 
> "You... Can you handle that?"
> 
> Marcel finds himself taken back at the question. "What do you mean?"
> 
> "Well, it's just... Our lives are Marley's to do as they wish. If you and Eren end up being happy together, wouldn't the two of you start to wonder how much things will be better without the Marley around? How easy things will be if our every day isn't filled with looking over our shoulders in fear?"
> 
> That's not what Pieck wants to say. Marcel knows her well enough to know that much. But he can't figure out what she's hiding. Why is she saying such naive things for?
> 
> "Even if we come to think like that, there's not much we can do to change the current system. At least, not without sacrificing too much."
> 
> Pieck looks at the ground, looking ashamed. Does she feel that way for saying something so obvious? Or is this because she couldn't say what was really on her mind? Marcel wonders if he should ask her. Then he realizes that no, he's too selfish. He doesn't really care what she thinks. He just asked her this to get confirmation for what he already knows.
> 
> "Yeah... I know. Sorry. That's not what you asked. My honest opinion is that Eren will not refuse you."
> 
> He doesn't like the way that's worded.

The three of them meet up with the locals a few more times throughout the week (Eren keeps his word and plays nice, even if it's taking everything he has to not fly off into rage sometimes). But the information that they've found on the first day seem more or less the consensus around town.

If there's anything that's worth noting, it's the rumors of "anti-titan" weapons. It seems the enemy has something prepared against the Warrior Division, hence the provocation of attack. There's really not much information that can be gathered here about it, though. If they want to figure that out, they'll probably have to go to enemy territory.

Eren isn't looking forward to that. Especially if Magath decides that the recon teams must always be a three-man team. He would much prefer working alone or working with Colt than that.

But they have what they're looking for. Whenever Porco is ready, they should be finally able to join Captain Dum-Dum's valiant efforts of keeping the enemy at bay.

Finally, he won't have to stomach smiling at Reiner like they're friends anymore.

*

"Eren!"

Whatever else Zeke wanted to say is completely swallowed up by the rush of children. Eren is honestly shocked by how much they cling to him. He hadn't realized that they were this fond of him. It makes him feel like pushing through the week was worth it.

He grins. "Missed me?"

"We had to clean all week! How is this training?" Zofia demands, tugging on Eren's left arm.

"We don't feel like secret weapons at all!" Udo complains, tugging on Eren's right.

Aggressive, he notes. They must be restless from being kept inside to clean all week. He should help them burn off that energy before they go anywhere near the battlefield. It'll be bad news otherwise.

"Welcome!" Haley manages out before throwing her arms around Eren's left leg.

On Eren's right leg, Tommy hangs on for dear life. Eren feels a little trapped with all of them grabbing his limbs like this. Wait no. He's missing...

"I-I'm glad you're back," Falco tells him quietly.

Whatever else the others wanted to say is completely overshadowed by Gabi's loud, "Eren!" Then he feels a familiar weight slam into him from behind. She wraps her arms around him from the back, wailing all the while.

"What's wrong, Little Bug?"

He knows something must be serious when Gabi doesn't react to that nickname. She just buries her face against his back, possibly wiping her tears there.

"Z-Zofia said... Zofia said...!"

"I said that she'll never make a good wife because she can't clean," Zofia explains.

The younger Warrior Candidates snigger, not that Eren can blame them. But he motions for them to quiet down anyways. In case they forgot, he just got back. He would really like a bit more time before being thrown straight into the middle of their drama.

Now how to douse this situation?

If he were to say that she'll never make a wife because none of the Warriors will ever get to live that long, he'll probably get yelled at by the others, right? What should he do instead? What's the best possible thing for him to say?

...

He got nothing.

Figuring that this is good enough, he ruffles her hair. "No worries, Little Bug. I'm sure there are some freaks in the world who likes a wife who can't clean."

Gabi punches his back and wails louder. Okay, that was clearly not the right thing to say.

"Eren... Why are you always so...?" Colt sighs heavily.

A loud laugh catches Eren's attention. Even before he fully registers the sound, his eyes are searching for the source. His heart soars. Finally. Finally.

Porco grins widely, just barely getting his laughter under control. "Jeesh, you two never change, do you?"

Eren is certain that the grin on Porco's face is echoed on his and Colt's faces. He's sure that the other two also feel a sudden sense of ease, a comfortable feeling like they belong. Almost like they're home. A week really was much too long to be apart.

"If we change that drastically in just a week, I think there's a bigger issue," Eren says lightly.

Porco sniggers as he approaches them. He stops when he realizes that he can't greet Eren with a simple punch or a touch of the shoulder like they normally do because of the gathered kids. The grin on his face slips, just a bit.

"Munchkins, move aside. That's my friend you're hogging," Porco tells them while making a shoo-ing motion at the kids. The kids take that to mean to tighten their hold.

"Wow, very mature," Eren says. In the meanwhile, he tries to free himself from the kids' grips. They cling on tighter.

Porco sticks his tongue at him. "You wouldn't understand. You hung out with Colt all week."

"Well, you hung out with Zeke all week!" Eren protests.

"Unlike someone, I'd much rather hang out with you than Zeke."

That actually makes Eren pause. Is... Porco talking about Pieck? He has to be, right? There isn't anyone else that fits the bill...

When Eren doesn't respond right away, Porco pauses with furrowed brows. He looks like he's thinking hard about what he said that might be causing this disconnect. But he took too long. The conversation moves on away from them.

Falco pats Colt consolingly. "You're always the odd one out, huh?"

"H-huh?! N-no! T-this isn't..." Colt turns beet red before he turns to Eren and Porco. "Take responsibility! My little brother thinks I'm being bullied!"

They laugh. In the background, Eren is aware of Pieck greeting Reiner. But right now, he doesn't want to have anything to do with that guy. He does make sure to give his brother a sheepish smile to let him know that they'll talk later.

Finally, the tension from the week is all but gone. He's going to keep it that way for as long as he can.

*

"Is that so?" Magath says when they finish reporting in to him.

The expression on his face doesn't change, not even at the mention of the anti-titan weapons. Has he already been briefed about those rumors? Then again, there isn't much else for them to do. There's no guarantee that the rumors are even true. And even if it's true, they don't know whether or not these weapons are actually a threat until they face it in a fight. Right now, there's much too little information to panic over rumors. 

"Then we'll go ahead with the battle as planned. Zeke, how was Porco's process this week? Is he usable?"

"Yes sir," Zeke answers without hesitation.

Eren clenches his fist behind his back in quiet cheer. Porco is standing with Zeke and Pieck on the other side for their report, but the two still exchange a grin anyways.

"He's no Marcel, and he needs firm and simple directions. But he is definitely doing much better than we expected."

Just how badly did they think Porco would fuck up? It takes everything Eren has to not burst out laughing. Porco shoots him an annoyed look. Eren shrugs innocently.

"Good. Then let's proceed with the plan. We'll be leaving this place to join the local base at 0500. Dismissed."

*

"We're being deployed!" the kids cheer when they hear the news.

"Technically, we are already deployed," Pieck tells them with a light laugh. "But that's the idea, yes."

"No more cleaning!"

Eren taps his brother's shoulder, grinning at the delighted look on Zeke's face.

"I thought you'd want to talk to Porco more," Zeke admits.

"He's mad at me right now. So how are things with you? You feeling okay?"

Zeke raises a brow. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Then he pauses for a second before realization flashes in his eyes. He leans in, putting a comforting hand on Eren's shoulder. The worry in his eyes are clear as he lowers his voice.

"Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Eren assures him with a laugh. "Jeesh, you make it look like I never ask about you!"

Zeke slumps in relief. "You scared me. I thought maybe something happened."

Eren can't say it.

He knows that he needs to report what he did. And since he didn't say it to Magath, he needs to at least say it to his older brother, their War Chief. There's no way that Colt will report him. But he'd much rather Zeke hears it from him and not Reiner.

But he also doesn't want to see the disappointment in Zeke's eyes. He doesn't want to be yet another reason why Zeke has to deal with their Marleyan supervisors. But if he doesn't say anything now and Reiner reports this, Zeke will be in a bigger trouble.

Seeing his hesitation, Zeke's eyes soften.

"Want to talk about it in private?"

*

The two enter Zeke's make-shift office (to be fair, it looks more like a storage closet. But it's Zeke's own, which is more than what the rest of the Eldians get).

"Want me to get you something to drink?"

Eren shakes his head no. He waits patiently for Zeke to put the water on while building up the courage to say what he needs to.

"What did you want to say?"

No more hesitation, Eren reminds himself.

"I... beat up Reiner."

Zeke doesn't respond. He just keeps staring at Eren, waiting.

"R-really badly. Before he report it, I thought I should. Er... Zeke?"

His brother covers his mouth but keeps as neutral of an expression as he can. Zeke makes a small motion for Eren to continue, but this is bothering Eren.

"Are you... laughing at me?"

That makes Zeke burst out laughing. He holds his hand up to Eren to let him know that he's working on getting it under control. It takes him a second longer than Eren would like, but Zeke does manage to control it enough to at least stop laughing.

"Eren," he says with a fond smile, "you are much too honest for your own good."

It feels like a scolding, even though it isn't. Eren pouts.

"We all knew you'd beat him. No one is shocked or mad. In fact, Reiner himself said that he'll forgive those instances since he can heal. Just don't turn it into a habit, okay?"

"He... said that?"

Zeke nods. "We're not blind nor stupid. Marcel was very special to you. Now, what I don't want from this is for you to become dependent on beating Reiner to feel better. Understand? If you're feeling stressed or down, I'll play catch with you."

Eren has always known that Zeke spoiled him rotten. How could he not when nearly everyone around them pointed it out to them? But Zeke's words today seem extra special. Zeke's kindness feels especially sweet. He wonders if it's because he expected a lecture.

"Thank you," he says. "F-for the offer and for telling me."

"You're very welcome."

*

When Eren rejoins the group, Porco is jokingly looking at the tables and complaining about the dust there.

"I thought you guys cleaned," he says, smirking at the kids.

"We did!" the young Warriors protest.

Gabi frowns. "Wait! I didn't do that part! Didn't... Zofia, you cleaned this area!"

Everyone turns to Zofia with wide-eyes of shock. She looks surprised at being called out, too. She quickly glances around the cafeteria where they've all gathered when her eyes land on Eren. Her shoulders relax, and she turns back to the group with a serene smile.

Eren has a bad feeling about this.

"You're right. I did."

"That means that you can't clean, either," Gabi gloats. "You have to marry a freak, too!"

Zofia nods, completely unfazed. Gabi seems to have realized her mistake a second too late as Zofia opens her mouth and-

"Lucky for me, there's a freak right here. Eren will marry me."

Wait a minute!!

"No!" Gabi yells, shaking her head furiously. "Eren's my freak! He'll marry me!"

Eren's neck hurts from the whiplash from turning so fast towards her. "Don't I get a choice in this?!"

Both girls cross their arms in front of themselves. "No!"

Baffled, Eren turns to Zeke for help. But his stupid brother is laughing behind his hand. Well, that's fine. There are others here who can help him.

Colt - Currently looking at the corner of the room with his hand covering his mouth. From the way his shoulders shake, it's clear he's laughing. To think he'd just dodge Eren's eyes altogether like this is a little hurtful.

Porco - Doubled over and laughing like a madman. Ass.

Pieck - Looks like a second away from throwing another lit match into the fire. Their eyes meet for a second. Don't do it, Eren tells her with his eyes. She just smiles mysteriously.

Rei... Let's not consider him an option.

The young Warrior Candidates - Too young to understand how to help in these situations.

... Damn. Looks like Eren's all alone.

"Well, there's a problem," he tells the girls with as much sincerity as he can muster. "I can't clean either."

"No one cares," Zofia says.

Gabi nods. "Only the wife has to clean."

"Now that doesn't sound like a very fair marriage," Pieck points out.

That makes the two girls stop and consider that. Eren is hopeful that this will be the last of the conversation when both Gabi and Zofia turn to Pieck with a smug smirk.

"You can't clean either, can you, Pieck?"

"Someone who can't clean or find a freak to marry would say that."

How absolutely terrible! They just murdered Pieck in front of everyone! It takes everything Eren has to not just burst out laughing. From the sharp look she shoots him, he knows that he isn't fooling anyone.

"Hm, then maybe I'll just marry Eren," Pieck says, her smile looking anything but friendly.

Zeke finally comes to the rescue.

"I think you guys should give my brother a choice."

Gabi shakes her head no. "If we do, he'll just pick Porco or Colt. That's not fair to any of us."

What about fairness for Eren, Gabi? Ever consider that?

"But it's not like we're planning on getting married," Colt tries.

That seems to make Zofia and Gabi pause a bit. Seeing that, Eren quickly turns to Colt and Porco in desperation.

"I don't think there's any problems with us getting married," Eren tries. "I-it's like... proclaiming our friendship a-and... m-manly bonds!"

Eren buries his face in his hands in an effort to hide his growing blush. He did not just say that. Oh god. That's so-

"Pfft!!! Hahahahahaha!"

Shut up, Porco. Stop laughing so hard. No one asked you, you... you overgrown child!

He feels someone's hand on his chin pulling his face up. Eren comes face to face with Porco's mischievous grin.

"Unfortunately for you, I'm not a freak. So you'll have to learn how to clean real fast before I die."

"Whua-?! Why am I the wife? You be the wife!"

Porco sniggers and jabs his thumb as his own chest, releasing Eren along the way. "Because there's no way I can learn how to clean! I broke all the vases last time!"

"Don't be proud of that, you ass! Colt and I struggled to clean everything and explain to Magath that it wasn't on purpose!"

"Oh, so that was you three," Pieck says with a knowing smile.

Eren gets the feeling they just unwittingly gave her a new piece of ammo against them. He foolishly hopes that this isn't going to bite them in the butt later.

"Fine! No marriages!" Eren decides, stomping his foot. "We'll... We'll all be single! Everyone in the Warrior Division is hereby forever single!"

"What?!" Gabi exclaims.

"You can't do that!" Zofia whines.

"Tyranny!" Udo protests, even though he didn't care about this all that much before. 

Falco and the other two Warrior Candidates all raise their fists up in the air. "Down with the oppressor!"

... Where did these kids even learn such words? No, better question. Are those words something the Marleyans might get them in trouble for? Eren makes a mental note to talk to them about the importance of watching what to say in public.

Zeke frowns. "That doesn't sound very... welcoming, Eren. If you like someone, you should be allowed to be with them."

Ugh. That's just like them, teaming up against Eren when things get a little hard. Eren will just like to remind all of them that...

That for him, the one he likes is...

"That's easy for you to say, Eren. Marcel is dead."

Porco says exactly what Eren is thinking.

Eren's heart aches.

He doesn't know what kind expression he has on his face, but he understands that he must have ruined the mood, because no one is laughing now. He should laugh it off. He should just brush this aside like a joke it clearly is. C'mon. Everyone's waiting on him. This is a joke. A...

There's a look of frozen guilt on Porco's face that clearly says that he regrets saying it. He didn't mean to hurt Eren. It's just one of those joking things that just popped out. Because that's just how Porco deals with things. He makes jokes of it and then he spars with Eren.

Eren knows that.

He knows it.

That's why he has to turn this into a joke.

That's why he has to laugh.

That's why he has to...

"H-hey..."

"I want to be alone," Eren says, interrupting whatever Porco might have said.

He turns and leaves without giving anyone a chance to call out to him.

*

But that's a lie.

He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to be alone.

He wants someone to come after him. He wants someone to sit with him. He wants someone to talk to him or let him talk to them. He doesn't care which at this point.

Please, just don't let him be alone.

If Marcel was here, he would have ran after Eren. If Marcel was here, he would have sat next to Eren. If Marcel was here, he would have joked lightly next to Eren to help keep the depressing thoughts out of his head. If Marcel was...

If Marcel was here, then that joke wouldn't have bothered him.

Porco would never have so carelessly said it. Would never have felt the need to joke about things like that. Because he wouldn't have been so hurt and betrayed by his own brother's death. And Eren knows that. He-

Someone sits down behind Eren and presses their back against Eren's, silencing all thoughts in Eren's head. The two of them sit in silence of the lawn next to the headquarters that won't be theirs for long. Then...

"I am sorry," Porco says softly. "I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't trying to hurt you."

It doesn't make the sting of Porco's joke any less. But Eren feels better hearing it out loud.

"I know. I know you didn't mean it. I should've laughed. Sorry for just running away," Eren says.

"I was waiting for you to hit me, actually. It caught me off-guard when you ran."

The two fall into another comfortable silence.

"Hey Porco, is the offer still on? Can I hit you?"

"Only if I can hit you back."

"Then shall we have a match right here? Right now?"

Porco presses firmly against Eren's back before standing up. He moves to stand before Eren, holding his hand out. Eren wonders if Porco realizes just how cool he looks right now with the light from the building illuminating him from behind.

"Why, darling, I thought you'd never ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurs to him just how unfair this fight is only after seeing Eren holding his bloody nose. The strength he put in his leg to knock Eren from standing suddenly leaves him. He can't.
> 
> Any damage he receives, he'll heal. But Eren can't do that.
> 
> Eren will have to heal slowly. Like how Porco used to do.
> 
> This is an unfair fight. From now on, all of their spars will be like this. Porco will have to watch where he hits Eren. He-
> 
> Eren punches Porco's face full-force. The world spins just for a second before Porco focuses back on Eren. That pearl of laughter is from Eren, isn't it?
> 
> Cheeky bastard.
> 
> Porco tackles Eren to the ground, trying to lock his friend in a submission hold. But Eren's flexibility is working against Porco. Damn it. This is the best way to stop fighting. Can't Eren see that? If Porco can't punch or kick, then he'll just try grips and holds.
> 
> A flash of gold catches Porco's eyes.
> 
> And he doesn't even get it. How can there be gold here? It's pitch black with the only lights coming from the headquarters. Why is there gold?
> 
> Eren knocks Porco off in that second's distraction. He pins Porco to the ground, grinning widely. The blood from his nose drips down onto Porco's cheek. Bastard. He probably did that on purpose.
> 
> "You two, what are you doing?"
> 
> That voice is distinctly female. That uniform marks her as someone from the Eldian Volunteer Army. But what Porco can't stop staring at is her hair.
> 
> It's gold.
> 
> Not pale yellow like Reiner's. Not closer to brown than blonde like Porco's. But gold.
> 
> Just like the flashes that he's been seeing.
> 
> "It's just a friendly spar. You must be new if you don't know," Eren explains. He gets off of Porco and offers a hand.
> 
> But Porco can't focus on anything but that golden hair. 
> 
> "Is that so? My apologies," the girl says. "But we have a battle to prepare for early in the morning. I suggest you two turn in for the night."
> 
> "Will do."
> 
> She leaves first. Then and only then, Eren turns curiously towards Porco. He stares at Porco and then in the direction that the girl left. And because it looks like he's about to arrive on a very misleading conclusion, Porco quickly changes the topic.
> 
> "Your nose is still bleeding."
> 
> "I think it's a cheap price for victory," Eren says lightly.
> 
> Porco normally would argue and complain that it wasn't Eren's win or some other reason why this doesn't count. But he can't get that girl's golden hair out of his mind.


	5. the pathetic me you left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay... So uh... have another chapter... haha.... >_>
> 
> Warning: Gruesome OC deaths. Beginnings of war. Discrimination against Eldians.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marcel thought about it long and hard.
> 
> How should he go about telling his little brother that he likes Eren?
> 
> He doesn't think he can just come out and say it. Porco will doubtlessly react badly to that.
> 
> "You're stealing my friend!" is something Marcel can imagine Porco say, even if they're both friends with Eren. And maybe even a slice of "Traitor!" So without triggering Porco's anger, Marcel needs to carefully approach the topic.
> 
> "So like... if you had to tell Porco something but you knew he wouldn't like it... How would you go about saying it?" Marcel asks.
> 
> And he knows how backwards this is, okay? He's asking Eren's opinion on Porco's reaction to something that he can't tell Eren because it involves him. But it's not like Marcel has a long list of people he can talk about Porco with. It's frustrating, but he really just has Eren for this.
> 
> "Did you break one of his toys?" Eren asks.
> 
> No tact at all, this one. Marcel is starting to really regret asking him for help.
> 
> "N-not quite... More like... I'm planning on taking a toy that we've shared for a long time and making it exclusively mine."
> 
> He mentally winces at talking about Eren like a toy. He hopes that Eren never figures out what they're actually talking about.
> 
> "Just take it. If he wants it back, he'll fight for it."
> 
> That's way too cruel! Eren, is that how you do things with Zeke? Marcel makes a mental note to be nicer to Zeke in the future.
> 
> "I... want to talk it with him first. Explain to him that this isn't because he did something wrong or anything. I just... don't want to share anymore."
> 
> Eren shrugs. "Then talk to him. What's the issue?"
> 
> Marcel is at such a loss for words that he doesn't know how to respond. He opens his mouth and then soundlessly closes it. Yeah, he thinks. This was a mistake to think that he could ask Eren's advice on this. Eren isn't the type to care about dancing around the topic. He goes straight to the root of the issue. And Porco is the same.
> 
> Both of them charge relentlessly forward without any care as to what's around them. It's starting to sink in for Marcel just how dangerous it will be for these two to be alone.
> 
> "I know that you're right. I just... I'm struggling to build up the courage to do so."
> 
> Eren tilts his head to the side as if he can't understand that feeling. Marcel wonders what that's like. To be able to be certain enough to run forward without any hesitation.
> 
> Then Eren holds his hand out for Marcel to take.
> 
> "Then I'll lend you my courage."
> 
> _I want to be with you forever..._ If Marcel were to say such selfish things, would Eren keep his hand up? Would Eren smile?
> 
> Would Eren like him back?

Even with the excitement of being deployed, the kids are still kids. They yawn loudly and move sluggishly at Eren's prodding in the morning.

"C'mon, guys. Everyone else is ready."

"But even if we go, they won't let us do anything," Tommy complains.

That's Eren's plan at least. But saying that will probably make these kids upset.

"Yeah, most likely, it'll just be Porco who gets all the action," Eren says with a dramatic sigh. "That guy sure likes to hog all the limelight for himself. But you know, that's just what happens when you become a Warrior. Our job as Warrior Candidate is to make sure that he shines, okay?"

He smiles at the adorable pouts on their faces.

Please let them keep this innocence for as long as possible.

*

The Eldian Volunteer Army is set up and ready for them by the time they arrive. As soon as Magath and Zeke are greeted, their attention turns towards the children.

Eren understands the tightness in their eyes. He knows where they're coming from and how they must be feeling inside. But none of them voices it out loud, just as he knew they wouldn't. Not with the Marleyans standing so closely. Because, at the end of the day, that's all they can do.

Silently look the other way.

"I suppose we'll be working close together," a Marleyan officer says cheerfully. He pauses when he spots the Eldian armbands, and the smile on his face freezes.

In times like this, it's best to just keep his head down and let Magath take care of it.

"Captain... Dumar, was it? I believe you have been informed about our situation and how we will be proceeding?" Magath says.

Oh, so this is that Dum-Dum that Eren has heard so much of. He looks disappointingly average. Eren thought he'd look a little more like the statue. Maybe it's hard to capture likeliness on stone? He should try it later. Except maybe not on a marble statue, since those are probably expensive. They are surrounded by a forest. It should be fine for him to try wood carving, right?

"Y-yes sir. We are ready to support the Warrior Division in whatever ways you require."

"No need. Just stand back and don't get in our way."

Dumar looks insulted but seems to respect the difference in their ranks enough to not say anything. Eren can't help find it quite amusing. Even Marleyans have to obey their little pecking order, huh? And in this current situation, Magath outranks everyone else. Then, as Magath's division, does the members of the Warrior Division also outrank everyone?

Probably not, right? But it's a nice thought.

"Hey Por..."

The rest of his words die on his lips when he realizes that Porco's staring at something. He follows the gaze to... a girl? Wait. Isn't this the girl from last night? The Eldian Voluntary Army soldier who tried to stop a spar between Eren and Porco. Now that Eren thinks about it, Porco kept staring at her last night, too.

H-huh?! C-could it be...?

"Hey Porco, you're going to set her on fire with how hard you're glaring."

Porco flinches. He looks to Eren with wide eyes and the beginnings of a blush, looking more peeved than not. Would you look at that? Eren's guess must be correct.

"I am not. Shut it."

"Does she owe you something? You were staring at her last night, too, weren't you?"

Porco pauses. Then his eyes light up. "Oh! That's it! That has to be it!"

"What is?"

"She owes me something. That's why she keeps catching my attention! Jeesh, and here I was trying to figure out why I kept staring at her."

He looks relieved, Eren notes. In fact, Porco looks so relieved that he slings an arm around Eren's shoulders.

"I'll buy you ice cream when we get back home."

There's something about the way Porco is acting that bothers Eren. He knows he shouldn't complain when Porco is promising to buy him ice cream. But it just feels off. He wishes he could put his finger on exactly what about this feels so wrong.

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Colt yells. He gets between the two of them and puts his arms on Porco's shoulders. "Go back. You've been what?"

Porco and Eren don't really get what the big deal is, but they explain the situation to Colt. Colt looks agitated the more they talk. The two exchange a glance before looking worriedly at Colt.

"Why are the two of you so stupid?! Porco, you like her! She doesn't owe you anything. You're looking at her because you like her!"

Both Porco and Eren burst out laughing. Their laughter trails off when they see how serious Colt looks.

"Porco can't be in love. He's... He's Porco," Eren points out.

"Yeah. Don't be gross, Colt," Porco adds.

Colt shakes his head at them. "No, you guys stop being childish. What's wrong with Porco being in love anyways? Isn't this a great thing? Porco, you should enjoy youth to its fullest. That means falling in love!"

"Ugh. That sounds like a pain," Porco grumbles.

Colt is crestfallen. He tries to convince Porco to think otherwise, citing youth and other things why Porco should pursue love. Eren thinks it's kinda stupid. If Porco doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. There's no reason to force that.

"It's fine, isn't it? There's nothing that says that we have to be in love or whatever," Eren says.

Porco shoots him a grateful smile. "Exactly. We should be more focused on this battle plan. Remember that?"

"But you'll die in 13 years!"

Colt must have realized just how loud that carried because he quickly looks around with a sheepish smile like nothing's wrong. When he turns back to his friends, his eyes are serious.

"You're on a time limit now, Porco. You can't just go through life like nothing is wrong. Before your death, you should try everything there is to life. I... I don't want to lose you like we lost Marcel, Bertolt, and Annie. At the very least, I want you to live life to the fullest before that time."

Even though he knows what Colt is saying is right, Eren can't help but to feel a sting in his heart at those words. That's right. Porco only has 13 years left. When they were younger, 13 years seemed like a forever and a half. He felt confident that they would have more than enough time to do everything they wanted to do. But now, he can't help but to feel that it's not enough.

13 years can't be enough to do everything he wants to do with Porco and Zeke and Pieck.

"Porco, you should try falling in love," Eren says lightly.

"Ugh, not you too!" Porco groans.

But now that it's two vs one, it seems to have occurred to Porco to take it a little more seriously. He lets out a heavy sigh.

"I'll keep it in mind. But really, that kind of mushy-gushy stuff isn't for me."

Eren grins teasingly. "Eh? But you had no problem proposing to me yesterday!"

"Well, yeah. You're different. Duh."

It makes Eren laugh at how simple the world is in Porco's mind. He wishes that the whole world could be that simple. It'll make the painful things in life easier to deal with.

*

The enemy that Captain Dumar and the Marleyan volunteers worked so hard to hold at bay goes down within minutes of titan attack. They don't even have to bother with pure titans either. It's painless and easy to the point that it seems almost moot that they waited a week before finally attacking.

"What was the point of all of us being deployed?" the kids groan.

Eren laughs. "Isn't it better like this? We get to celebrate victory without doing anything hard."

"It feels dishonest," Falco admits softly.

The other kids nod. Eren doesn't blame them at all. It's a feeling he himself felt when he was younger. At that time, Marcel had laughed gently and said...

"It's not dishonesty. A victory one of us brings is a victory for all of Warrior Division."

"So a failure will be everyone's failure?" Udo asks, looking terrified.

That... is one way to think of it. Eren doesn't think he made that connect until much, much later. These kids are definitely smarter than he was at their age.

"That's why supporting each other is so important," Eren says instead. "It'll let us share the celebration of victory while lessening the burdens of failure."

The kids nod like they understand, but Eren isn't sure if they really did. At the very least, he doesn't think he really gets it, even now. But hey, these kids are definitely smarter than he was at that age. Maybe they really do get it.

"So when Reiner failed, you guys supported him?" Gabi asks.

Her words ring like an accusation in Eren's ears, but her eyes shine bright with innocence. She doesn't realize how hypocritical Eren is right now. It makes his insides burn with shame. How can he stand around preaching about support when he would much rather punch Reiner to the ground again?

"We... probably could've done a better job," he dodges.

Gabi seems to accept those words, but Falco looks doubtful. Seeing his expression, Udo and Zofia seem to have drawn their own conclusions. Damn these kids for being so smart.

"He's kind of a pathetic guy. So please take care of him," Gabi says.

Eren wonders if his smile is as strained as he feels.

*

Coward, he finds himself thinking. Coward. Worthless, useless coward.

He should be doing exactly as he told Gabi and the other children by celebrating the victory with the rest of the Eldians. He should be showing them what supporting the other members of the Warrior Division means. Lead with example, not with his words. It's something he admired so much about Marcel.

But he can't do something that simple.

And instead, here he is, patrolling the parameter with a rifle.

Anyone else could have taken this job. It didn't have to be him. Hell, the Eldian Volunteer Army soldiers looked rather shocked that a Warrior Candidate would volunteer for such a job when he should be celebrating with everyone else. And he knows, okay? He should be there to congratulate Porco for a job well done. He should be ruffling Porco's hair and treat him like a kid after his first mission as a Warrior.

But he doesn't want to see Reiner's face.

Coward, he accuses himself.

"... in trouble!"

"But aren't you curious? What do those monsters look like?"

Voices in the forest? They sound young, too. Bunch of teens decided to peek in on the Warriors, huh? How annoying. Eren should just scare them away with a warning shot or something. No need to do more than terrify.

"C'mon, Kyle! Your uncle's Dum-Dum. Just sweet talk him into letting us go!"

... This is bad.

It's the locals that Colt, Reiner, and Eren got information from. Damn it. If these locals see the three of them, then this could only end in one way. They will accuse the "damned Eldians" for not only having their armbands off but also for masquerading as Marleyans. There's no way the higher ups will try and protect them. Especially not Eren and Colt, since they have plenty of Warrior Candidates to replace the two of them. Reiner will most definitely be eaten by one of the kids. And, if the locals decide that that wasn't enough, it's possible for all of their families to be "sent to heaven" on top of all of that.

Is it possible to hide so that the locals won't see them? He doesn't think it's impossible, but he also knows his own luck well enough to believe it'll work out.

Then what are his options?

He could potentially abandon his duty right now and run to explain the situation to Magath and hide with Colt and Reiner somewhere. And? What if the locals use Kyle's connection to Dum-Dum to get in before all of that can be set up? Or if someone else lets it slip? They didn't even bother with using fake names, so it's possible to get into heaps of trouble through that. There's too many variables that Eren can't account for.

Then what?

The only thing else that he can think of is...

His eyes land on his rifle.

No. No. Doing that will be worse. If it comes out that he purposefully killed bunch of Marleyans, it'll end up worse. It's a bad plan. Hell, it can't even be called a plan. No matter how he looks at it, it's such a bad idea that it's not even funny.

But who would know that he killed them?

Even if they won this battle, this is still a war zone. If Eren makes the claim that an enemy attacked, who would be any wiser?

It's dirty. It's dishonest. It's absolutely disgusting.

But it's the only thing he can think of to do.

He readies his rifle.

"Hey, what's that light?"

... Light?

And really, he should have seen this coming. He was supposed to be on watch. This is exactly the kind of thing he was supposed to watch out for. Not bunch of locals who wanted a peek at monsters. Why did he get so focused on these guys that he forgot to pay attention the reason why he was out here?

The words of warning falls out of his mouth much too late.

By then, the world explodes with enough force to knock Eren off of his feet. His ears are ringing, and his vision keeps fading in and out. He thinks he might be on the ground, but it also feels like he's unsteady on his feet. Or maybe it's that he's on his hands and knees? He honestly can't tell. Everything feels like it's spinning. He can't make heads or tails of it.

There's something he needs to do. There's something nagging in the forefront of his mind that he can't quite access. What was it now?

Something...? Someone...?

The kids! He needs to warn everyone about this attack. Hell, isn't it possible that multiple of those explosions were dropped? Did they get firebombed? No, that's not important. What's important is that he needs to go warn-

He feels something warm push him down (or at least, he's assuming that this is down. He's still disoriented and can't tell up from right). That something warm grips him tightly, securely holding his head. The world shakes around him. More explosions, he guesses. He's being protected by this something warm from more explosions.

Ah, that's right. It's not "something" warm. It's "someone" warm.

The ringing in his ears won't stop. His vision keeps fading in and out. There's the beginnings of a headache building in his head.

That's why he makes the mistake.

It's just for a second. But in that second, he honestly believes that it's Marcel protecting him. That it's Marcel holding him tight to keep him safe. That it's Marcel's warmth that he's feeling against his body.

Then another flash of explosion lights up the area and he becomes much too aware of his mistake. Of course, it's not Marcel. Is he stupid? Marcel is dead. To mistake Porco for Marcel is... It's too cruel. Both to himself and to Porco.

He knows that. He knows it.

He knows it, okay?

But his heart aches anyways. His vision swims, not because of the flashes of explosion but because of the hot tears. He's certain that his face is twisted in shame and self-loathing. What a relief it is that due to Porco's protective hold, they can't see each others' faces.

Because otherwise, Porco would know.

That without a doubt, Eren wanted it to be Marcel.

*

He wonders how long they stayed together like that. How long did he waste being protected by Porco? Are the others okay? What about the locals? He imagines the Warriors are more or less fine since they can heal. But what about the kids? Did they make it out alive? What about the rest of the Eldian army? Magath?

Eventually, the explosions stop. The world slowly calms to a soothing night as if the explosions never happened, even if Eren's ears are still ringing. Porco takes his time to untangle himself from Eren. Is the smoke around them leftovers from the explosion? Or is it from Porco's healing?

"You... A-are you okay?" Porco asks.

His voice is shaking, Eren notes with effort. Shaking and uncertain. Did he think that he accidentally hurt Eren? Eren isn't injured. Sure, his head is pounding and the ringing in his ears won't stop. But he's fine.

"'M 'ine."

Huh? That's funny. He meant to say that he's fine. But his voice sounds all slurred and not at all like it's forming words. Maybe there is a reason why Porco sounds so worried. Did Eren get injured somewhere down the line and he didn't even realize it? Well, whatever. That doesn't matter right now. They need to focus... Why is the world still spinning? Didn't the explosions stop?

Porco hesitantly cups Eren's cheeks. The way his brows furrow in worry is similar to Marcel. How funny. Eren never noticed that before. How, in the last five years, did he miss that? Or maybe he's just imagining it? That's possible, isn't it? His head aches so much. He feels nauseous. He's just mistaking everything. In fact, he shouldn't even be thinking outside of making sure that the kids are safe.

"Do you know who I am? Er... wait, no. I'm supposed to ask... Do you know who you are?"

Eren puts his hands over Porco's and pull them away.

"I'm fine," he manages out with a lot of effort. His words are still slurred. But at least they're understandable now.

Porco's shoulders slump in relief. He gives Eren a rueful grin that makes it hard to get annoyed at him.

"Your head's bleeding, so I feared the worst. But you seem fine."

There's a million questions that's building in Eren's mind. The first and foremost being why Porco is out here instead of at the celebration for victory. But the question that Eren brings himself to ask isn't that.

"The... o-others?"

Porco's expression falls. "Sorry. I don't know. When I realized you weren't there at the victory celebration, I left to look for you. They're... they're probably just fine. Zeke is with them."

Zeke is with them. That's good. That's good. That has to be good. Zeke is level-headed and calm. He'll be able to properly figure things out...

But there's a nagging feeling in his heart that points out the worst. If the first explosion caught him unawares, then it's possible that the entire world fell into chaos before Zeke could bring them under control. In that situation, isn't it also possible that Zeke's healing wasn't fast enough to reassure everyone? It's possible that everyone fell into panic and was caught in...

He feels sick.

"Hey, are you sure you're fine?" Porco asks.

It feels like he's holding something against Eren's head... Huh? Is that Porco's shirt? When did he take that off? And what about his prized bomber jacket? It didn't get dirty because of the explosions or anything, did it? The last time Eren accidentally got ketchup on Porco's jacket, he gave him so much... Why does his head hurt so much?

"T-there were... locals," Eren manages out.

Porco seems to understand from just those words. He takes Eren's hand and forces him to hold the bloodied shirt against his own head. Then Porco goes for a quick look around.

In the meanwhile, Eren takes the time to try and take in deep breaths. It feels like the world spinning has lessened somewhat, which is good. But the pounding headache hasn't dimmed in the slightest. That coupled with ringing in his ears and nausea could only mean one thing.

He has a concussion.

How fucking delightful.

Porco returns with a grim frown. He shakes his head to let Eren know that he didn't find anything. Then most likely, those locals are...

Eren decides against thinking more on it.

"Can you stand? Do you want help? Here, lean against me."

When was the last time Porco treated Eren this gently? He can't recall. When Eren broke his arm, Porco's treatment was much rougher. But that was also because Porco knew Eren could take it. Does he think that Eren can't handle this now? Just how weak of a person does Porco think of him?

"I'm fine."

But he struggles to stand upright. And when he does stand, he can't keep his balance to stay standing. He ends up reluctantly borrowing Porco's shoulder.

"Hey, I think you should rest when we get back to the others."

Eren pretends that he didn't hear Porco. But Porco seems to understand where he's coming from anyways, because he doesn't say anything more.

*

Walking is difficult. And because he's leaning so heavily on Porco, he knows he's forcing Porco to slow down to support him properly. But the world still hasn't stopped spinning. He can't catch his balance as he would like. He feels so frustrated and impatient. Is everyone alright? That's all he wants to know.

They arrive to chaos.

Eren should have expected it. He didn't see the bombing coming either. So of course, everyone else would have been caught off-guard. Especially in the middle of a celebration. So it only makes sense that the rest of the group has fallen into chaos. Eren is disoriented as it is, the loud yells and people running around really doesn't help.

He feels Porco's hold tighten. "C'mon, let's get you looked at by a medic."

It's stupid. There can't be any medics right now. Everyone is fending for themselves as it is. Porco can't seriously be thinking of pulling a medic away from this emergency situation?

"Eren!"

Zeke looks frazzled but otherwise unharmed. That titan healing sure is handy for situations like this.

"He can't walk straight, and his words are slurred," Porco reports right away before Eren can stop him. "He insists that he's fine, but I don't think he is at all."

"That might be a concussion... Is that blood? Eren, do you have a head injury? Porco, help me get him to-"

Eren grabs his brother before the two of them can get lost in the rush of panic. With as serious as a look as he can muster, he weakly manages out, "The others?"

Zeke's expression is stiff. That is answer enough for Eren.

"W-we... can't find some of the kids. Pieck and Colt are looking for them now. You er... probably don't want to hear this, but after the first explosion, Reiner transformed and kept the rest of us safe with his armor."

Reiner did...?

"He's healing now. Don't worry. We won't put you next to him-"

"T-that's fine," Eren forces out. "I'll rest."

*

Both Zeke and Porco look beyond worried to put Eren down next to where Reiner is siting, covered in his own smoke. While Eren understands their concerns, he wants them to focus on the kids first. Eren sends them away with stern commands that he really hopes they understood.

Then he's left to watch as the medics run around, trying their best to help those with the worst injuries first. Eren should help them. He didn't help out in his family clinic for nothing. But he fears that if he stands, he'll end up falling down or worse, vomiting on one of the patients. Creating more trouble for the medics isn't an option right now.

"Reiner, can you hear me?" he asks without glancing at the smoke-covered body.

There's no answer. Good. That means Reiner can't hear him, right? He's been blasted so much by the explosion that he can't do something that simple.

"Thank you for protecting them."

For once, he's really glad that there's no reply.

*

Falco is the first of the kids to run to Eren. There's stressed tears in his eyes as he wraps his shaking arms around Eren.

"Are you alright?" Eren asks him.

"Y-your head's... b-b-"

"Falco," Eren says as gently as he can, "I asked a question."

Slowly, Falco nods. "I'm okay. W-we were... p-playing hide and seek. I hid in the storage. A-are the others?"

"Everyone is looking for them. Don't worry. It's going to be okay."

"Uh... Y-your head..." Falco tries again.

Eren offers him what he hopes is a comforting smile. "I'm fine. But if you want, do you think you can help me bandage this? The shirt is getting soggy."

With Falco successfully distracted from the situation at hand, Eren finds himself glancing around nervously. Please hurry, he finds himself thinking.

Please let those kids be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't sit well with him. He shouldn't have left Eren alone like that. Even if Eren is the one to have begged him and Zeke to go find the kids, Porco should have stayed. And now, he's been asked by the desperate looking medics for help in taking care of the injured. If he's going to be nursing people anyways, shouldn't he be by Eren's side?
> 
> Is Eren really okay? Is he really fine?
> 
> Eren is the type of person who will put others before himself. Even when he's not feeling well, he'll push through if it means he can protect someone. Hell, Porco won't be shocked if it turns out that Eren is now helping the medics to take care of the injured instead of resting. That guy's just that careless when it comes to himself.
> 
> Yeah, he can't focus at all.
> 
> Porco turns to leave to find Eren. And just for a second, he sees it. The flash of gold.
> 
> And damn it. Damn it.
> 
> He should be worried about Eren. He should be worried about Colt. He should be worried about the missing children.
> 
> But his eyes are drawn to that golden hair. He finds himself staring at that damned girl again.
> 
> She must have been at the celebration when the attack hit. She's not in her full uniform. There's a nasty gash on her forehead that a medic is looking at. She looks like she's seen better days, but she's alive with all of her limbs intact, which is more than he can say for most of the injured.
> 
> He doesn't think this is quite relief that he feels. No, relief was when he wrapped his arms around Eren when the bombing started. Relief was when he felt Eren's warmth against his own, a constant reminder that he made it. He wasn't too late. He can protect Eren. Relief was when he saw that Eren's green eyes haven't lost their will to fight in the slightest.
> 
> Then what is this feeling that he feels when he sees her?
> 
> He considers it for a second longer before tossing it aside. Who the hell cares? He should go make sure that Eren hasn't given a medic a heart attack by fainting in the middle of helping out.
> 
> It's easier when he focuses on an action.
> 
> No, that's not right.
> 
> It's easier when he focuses on Eren.


	6. the little brother you left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Porco's birthday is 11/11. And originally, I wanted to make a pocky day story for his birthday.... As you can probably tell, that didn't happen. So instead, I'm pushing to get 3 chapters up. This is the first one.
> 
> Warning: Gruesome depiction of violence and war/Aftermath of a bombing. Background character deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end, Marcel takes the coward's way out.
> 
> He doesn't tell Porco anything. He doesn't tell Eren anything. How can he?
> 
> Porco is absolutely devastated by the news that he won't be inheriting a titan. Marcel doesn't know why he didn't see that one coming. Of course, Porco will be devastated. He wanted so badly to be a Warrior, even if he didn't know what that fully meant. For Porco, it must have felt like Reiner snatched his rightful place from under his nose.
> 
> Eren seems to be in similar state of shock.
> 
> Both of them sit with dazed looks on their faces. And no matter how many times Marcel tries to explain to them that this isn't a measure of their worth, that not inheriting a titan right now is a good thing, he doesn't think it's getting to them.
> 
> Did he make a mistake? Should he not have done this? He can't figure it out. Was he in the wrong? Should he have not tried to manipulate the outcome like this? He...
> 
> "Marcel," Eren calls out. He holds his hand out for Marcel to come towards him.
> 
> When Marcel does as bid, Eren pulls him into a hug.
> 
> "I know I should be congratulating you for becoming a Warrior, and I will. But just for now, will you comfort me?"
> 
> Cute, Marcel thinks as he holds Eren tightly. "You did well, Eren. It might not feel like it now, but you did amazing."
> 
> An offended sound is the only warning Marcel has before Porco body-slams into the two of them. Marcel releases Eren to catch his balance. Then he makes sure that Eren is okay before turning to Porco's betrayed eyes.
> 
> "That's not fair! Comfort me, too!"
> 
> It takes everything Marcel has to not burst out laughing as he pulls his little brother into a hug.

"We should retaliate right away!" Captain Dumar yells out.

No one is paying him any heed. They're all too busy trying to figure out whose injury is the most severe. It's clear that Dumar is becoming more and more frustrated that the Eldians before him aren't jumping to his bidding. But really, does he think that they can launch an attack right this minute?

"Stand down, Dumar. We know," Magath snaps.

He makes his way to Reiner, probably to check up on the damages. There's a disgusted look on his face as he lets out a deep sigh.

"Still healing, huh?"

Magath's eyes then land on Eren. Eren quickly stands to salute, only to stumble a bit. It takes him a few seconds to catch his balance and turn to look at Magath. The world is still spinning slightly, but that's better than being accused of not showing proper respect.

"Wasn't Galliard with you?"

"Yes sir. He took most of the damage for me."

Magath lets out a small curse. "Is he injured like this one?"

"No sir. He's looking for the missing Warrior Candidates with Zeke."

"Great." Magath turns to the Marleyan officers next to him. "Get Galliard. We'll launch a counter with him and Zeke. Keep Reiner here. If he's well, use him as a shield for any stray attacks."

Are they seriously going to focus on countering? No one here is in good enough of a state to defend themselves properly if there's another...

Oh, Eren gets it. It's frustrating, but he understands what Magath and Dumar want.

This counter is in preparation for another attack. If another round of explosions go off while they're madly trying to recover, it's possible to lose the entire force. Before that can become an option, they're launching this counter. They're going to silence the enemy once and for all. At the very least, it'll prevent this place from being bombed again so that the missing Warrior Candidates have a chance of surviving.

"Anything I can do to help, sir?" Eren asks.

Just now, Magath's eyes flickered to the sloppy bandages around Eren's head (sloppy only because Falco hasn't done this before. When they return, Eren makes a mental note to sit down all the kids and teach them basic first aid). Is Magath... worried...? Hah. What a dumb question. Of course, he is. If something happened to Eren, Zeke will become hard to control.

"Stay with Reiner and instruct him on what to do next. When you find the missing Warrior Candidates, keep them all gathered here."

"Yes sir."

"Eren!" Porco yells as he rushes over towards them. He gives Magath a sloppy salute before turning his attention back to Eren. "What are you doing standing? Sit back down."

"Galliard, we are launching a counter. I'll brief you along the way. Come," Magath commands.

Porco's eyes remain worriedly on Eren.

Idiot. What's he doing? He should hurry to obey Magath before this turns into a problem.

Eren makes a motion for Porco to go, but the dumbass still hesitates.

"I'm fine. Falco's taking care of me. So go," Eren tells him.

Porco opens his mouth as if to protest but wordlessly closes it. He hesitates for a bit before lightly punching Eren's chest. Then he turns and follows after Magath.

Jeesh, has that guy always been such a worrywart? Porco has always been more rough, hasn't he? Rough and childish. Or maybe Eren is remembering wrong? His head is still aching, even though it's not as bad as before. Maybe he's just getting things confused. Like how he confused Porco for Marcel. Yeah. That's what it is. Don't think too much on it.

"You guys are as close as ever."

Eren flinches at the voice and turns to glare at Reiner. How unlucky, it looks like Reiner healed his face first. Eren rather liked the guy when he was quiet and unable to observe or hear.

"I wonder... how different the mission would have been if it had been you guys."

Eren... has thought of it himself. If he had been the one to inherit the Armored Titan, how would things have turned out? Would he have been able to protect Marcel? Would the four of them have been able to succeed in their mission? Would they have brought back the Founding Titan with fanfares as heroes? Or would Eren be the one currently covered in smoke, trying to heal after failure after failure?

"Don't think useless things. Focus on healing," Eren tells him curtly.

At the end of the day, no matter how many “what if”s they think of, it won’t change what has happened. Why bother make themselves bitter with such thoughts? It’s better to focus on the present. Besides, no matter what you think of, you really won’t be able to predict what will happen until it happens. It’s possible that everything will go right. It’s possible that things will actually end up worse. Rather than wondering, isn’t it better to live in the present?

"R-right. Sorry."

Falco's worried eyes look to the two of them. Then hesitantly, he tugs on Eren's sleeve.

"Y-you said... be supportive."

For just a second, Eren is scared that he's going to snap. That he will jerk his hand away from Falco and yell at the poor kid. But he somehow manages to keep his temper in check, despite his headache. He thinks he might become a saint at this rate.

"Falco, do you mind getting me some water please?"

There's yet another pause as Falco seems to consider that for a second longer. Then he nods slowly.

Eren waits until he's out of earshot before finally letting himself sit down to rest. He wants to sleep for a bit, but he can't bring himself to relax. As soon as the kids are all fine, he'll rest then. Until then, he needs to keep himself together.

"Reiner, how much have you healed?"

"My legs are functioning. I think some of my insides are scrambled, though. It doesn't feel too good there. My arm... has seen some better days."

"If another wave of explosions come-"

"I'll protect you."

Eren scowls. "No, you dumbass. Protect Falco."

Reiner makes a soft "oh" sound and falls quiet. Eren figures that that'll be all. And he's fine with that. He'd rather not talk to Reiner more than he has to. But then Reiner opens his stupid mouth again.

"I'll protect you both."

Ugh. Is this wave of nausea from his concussion or because of Reiner? Either way, Eren isn't looking forward to this wait.

*

Pieck returns with Zofia in her arms and Gabi by her side. There's dark bags under her eyes as she calls for medics for help.

Eren struggles to stand and is helped by Falco. The two make their way with a medic.

"She was in a tree when the explosions started. The tree toppled and one of the thicker branches pierced her leg. Can you help?" Pieck asks the medic.

"I'll do my best. Let's put her down first. Hey sweetie, what's your name?"

"... Zofia," she answers from Pieck's arm.

"You're a Warrior Candidate, right? That means you're very brave and strong. This is going to hurt a lot, but that's okay. Because you're a Warrior Candidate."

Zofia nods slowly as Pieck puts her down on a cot. Eren makes a motion for Falco to go cheer Gabi up as he comes by Pieck and the medic's side. The medic nods at Eren in acknowledgement.

"Okay... First, we'll have to pull that branch out. Can you two hold her down and keep her still as you can? If we can get something like a gag, that would be good, too..."

*

"That leaves Udo, Haley, and Tommy," Eren mumbles to himself.

Gabi and Falco are huddled by Zofia's cot now that the medic has removed the branch and bandaged her up. They'll have to keep watching her to make sure the wound doesn't get infected. In the middle of their operation, Reiner came to join them. He hasn't said anything and is quietly standing by the kids. Eren doesn't really care what that guy does so he returns his focus to the problem at hand.

"Colt is looking for them," Pieck says. Then she nods towards Eren's bandaged head. "How are you?"

"It doesn't hurt," Eren lies.

He still feels nauseous and a bit dizzy. But putting all his focus on helping Zofia out really helped. Or at least, he'll keep telling himself that. Because if he doesn't, he might actually go crazy at how helpless he is.

"Magath took Porco and Zeke for a counter," Eren lets her know.

She looks tired. "Do they expect me to follow?"

"No clue."

"Got it. I'll check in with them." Pieck pauses. "Hey, I'm glad Porco made it to you in time. Even if you did get banged up a bit, I'm glad you're alive."

"Hah. Thanks, Pieck. I'm glad you guys are okay, too."

*

The next to arrive is Udo.

He's panting and gasping for breath. As soon as he arrives, he pauses for just a second to gather himself. Then he begins to yell.

"Please help! Tommy is stuck under a boulder. Colt is trying to get him out, but he's not strong enough. Please!"

Then it must have sunk in for him just how the situation is here, because his face falls. There's no one strong enough to move the boulder, he must have thought. Because everyone's too injured. There is no hope.

Taking a hopeless situation and turning it into hope is what Marcel would have done.

"Where are they, Udo? I'll go," Eren says.

He surprises himself by not stumbling despite the world spinning. He surprises himself by looking confident despite wanting to puke. He surprises himself by smiling encouragingly at Udo as if he can do something like lifting a boulder when he's running on fumes.

"T-this way!"

A hand on Eren's shoulder stops him from taking another step forward.

Reiner's expression is stern as he stares Eren down.

"Stay here with the kids. I'll go get Tommy out."

"Don't be-"

Reiner takes a step close and lowers his voice. "You're unsteady on your feet. You plan on burdening Colt?" Then he takes a step back and loudly says, "If all else fails, I'll transform and lift the boulder. Afterwards, I'll protect this area in my titan form."

It's such sound logic that Eren can't find holes in it. He wants to argue just because it's Reiner. But every second they waste here is a second they could've used to help Tommy.

Eren nods.

The grin on Reiner's face looks cocky, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. It reminds Eren of how Reiner was before he left for Paradis Island. The cocky brat who thought he bested both Porco and Eren. But there was always something a little empty behind him. Like his cockiness was all a show for him to hide behind.

"It's not for you," Reiner adds lightly. "It's for Colt and the kids."

Eren feels the corner of his lips twitch up into a mockery of a grin. It feels more like a snarl than a grin. But it's a step in the right direction, isn't it?

For the first time since Reiner's return, he doesn't have an immense need to punch Reiner.

"Get to it then."

Reiner gives a mocking salute before running off with Udo.

Eren's head injury must be quite bad if he's actually trusting Reiner to do something right again.

*

"I think you should lie down," Falco says worriedly.

Eren is about to disagree when he sees both Falco's and Gabi's worried expressions. As he is right now, standing around unsteadily is probably not doing any good for anyone. Falco's right. He should at least sit.

"Sorry for worrying you," he tells them both.

*

He must have been more tired than he realized.

He could have sworn he just sat down to rest a bit.

But the next thing he knows, it's midday when he opens his eyes. He's in a bed with a window by his side. Judging from the number of beds in the room, this is the infirmary of a military base or a hospital. And out of everyone, he was given the bed right next to the window.

What luxury.

His head still aches, and there's a faint ringing in his ears that seems to have returned. When he tries to sit up, a hand on his chest stops him.

"Stay resting for a bit longer, Eren."

Zeke.

Then the enemy must have been taken care of. Everything must be fine. All that's left is probably the clean up.

"T-the others?"

Eren's words are slurred again. On top of a parched throat, he'd be shocked if Zeke understood him.

Zeke comes to his side with a water canteen. He helps support Eren to be upright enough to get some water down.

"You're asking about the others, right? It's... It's not too good. Zofia's injury will most definitely take a month or so to recover. She might be transferred back to Liberio hospital to heal for now. Tommy was... They got the boulder off of him, but we didn't have the tools needed to... to help him. We haven't found Haley but... We think we might have found what's left of her armband. Luckily, Udo, Gabi, and Falco have minor injuries comparatively. Colt's mental state looks like it took a hit from being unable to help Tommy. But physically, he should be fine."

It's like that, huh?

Eren closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

It doesn't feel real. It can't be real. This is just a bad dream, right?

The throbbing headache begs to differ.

He rests his head against his brother's chest and cries.

*

When he next wakes up, it's Porco dozing off by his side. The blood red of the falling sun dyes the room. It gives Porco a rather picturesque glow.

He's in what has to be an uncomfortable plastic chair. His brows are furrowed, possibly due to his position. His uniform is clean and his hair has been perfectly gelled back. That means he probably had to report in front of Marleyans officials. That must have been tiring.

And despite that, this idiot came here to check up on Eren, huh?

Eren slowly sits up and reaches for Porco. Just before his fingers can brush against Porco's cheek...

"... Hey Eren..."

He jerks back, feeling his face heat up. Damn it! He did it now. Porco is going to be relentless in his teasing. This is the worst. Why did he have to wake up now? Couldn't he have waited few more seconds to...

To?

... What was Eren trying to do in that moment...?

A second passes.

And another...

And...

Eren glances at Porco.

Still sleeping.

This idiot dare to still be asleep after embarrassing Eren like that?

Feeling peeved, Eren reaches over and grabs Porco by the nose. It doesn't take long for Porco to jolt awake, gasping for air. He turns to scowl at Eren and freezes at the grin on Eren's face.

"Hah! Got you!"

Eren's laughter trails off when he sees the look on Porco's face. What's that expression? Why does Porco look so-

Porco throws himself at Eren, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He's shaking. He's shaking, and possibly just a second away from crying.

In a choking voice, Porco manages out, "You idiot... Don't... worry me."

Eren feels his cheeks heat up. What the hell is this guy being so embarrassing for? Of course, Eren's fine! Eren is always fine. Porco should know that well enough! Why the hell is he putting on this show for?

But he can't bring himself to push Porco away.

He blames it on the fact that he didn't get caught for his embarrassing act. He blames it on the fact that the sunlight in the room is just so beautiful for him to get angry. He blames it on a thousand other things and not himself, because if he doesn't, he'll actually have to think about what exactly is making his heart race so much right now.

With a soft sigh, he puts his arms around Porco and holds him back just as tightly.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you're okay, too... Porco, thanks. I... wanted to see you, too."

*

Porco fills Eren in on all that has happened afterwards.

The "anti-titan" weapon does exist. Or at least, a prototype of it.

"It shot a clear hole through Zeke's Beast Titan. But it seems that that's all it could manage to do. We've confiscated all of their information and remaining weapons, but there's not much for us to go on."

Eren nods. "How annoying. So we don't know if it can defeat the Armored?"

"From the calculations drawn, it sounded like they need more advancements before they can come to that point. Right now, it's just a projectile no different from what they shot at us."

"But still... they were able to create something like that..."

The two fall into uneasy silence.

"B-but you know, we know their name now. They called themselves 'Mid-East Allied Forces.' We have concrete enemy that we're fighting against," Porco says. "So... t-that's a step forward."

"Yeah, but now it's going to be launched into a full-scale war. How annoying. We're going to have to stay out on the field for a lot longer than we thought."

Another silence settles between them.

"Are they at least giving us some time to... mourn Tommy and Haley?" Eren asks.

Porco nods. "Two weeks. We'll head back as soon as the clean ups are done here. Then we'll have those two weeks, and then it's back to the grind."

"I... wonder how we should apologize. It's our failure to... to let that happen," Eren mumbles.

Porco must be feeling much better if he can punch Eren's shoulder for that.

"Don't think like that. We did everything we could in an unpredictable situation. How were we supposed to be prepared for a bombing? On top of that, those kids were out playing hide and seek of all things... It's dumb luck."

Saying it like that makes it feel so impersonal.

"Dumb luck... huh?"

Just like it was dumb luck that Marcel was chosen as a Jaw Titan and therefore, had to participate in the mission in Paradis? Just like it was dumb luck that Marcel didn't return but Reiner did? Just like it was dumb luck that Porco happened to be there to shield Eren from the explosions?

Just like it was dumb luck that three of their six young Warrior Candidates are out for the count?

"Oh, by the way, Captain Dumar is probably going to stop by to talk to you."

Eren blinks. "Me?"

"Apparently, his nephew and few of that kid's friends all disappeared on the night of the bombing. You mentioned there were locals nearby, right?"

He forgot about that. Rather, he wanted to forget. And now it looks like he'll be facing the wrath of a Marleyan for not protecting those locals.

Damn it.

Whether he killed them himself or not, he'll have their blood on his hands, huh?

Hey Porco, is this also "dumb luck?"

*

There are bags under Captain Dumar's eyes. His face is pale and sickly. He probably hasn't slept in days since the bombing. With the most hopeful eyes, he looks to Eren.

This is going to be cruel.

"I'm sorry. I only heard the locals nearby. The bombing started before I could approach them about the dangers of being near the war zone."

Dumar lets out a soft sigh but nods in understanding. He seems determined to believe in something. The light in his eyes haven't left quite yet. Eren is more than content to leave him to that delusion. Let him believe that those kids are alive somewhere. Let him believe that they'll return one day. Let him have that glimmer of hope.

Magath stands next to him, looking neutral as always.

"But you know, even for a Warrior Candidate, aren't you way too healthy looking after taking the brunt of the bombs outside?" Dumar asks, his lips pulling into a sneer.

Now that he's gotten what he thinks he wants, he's going to get rude, huh? Typical Marleyan.

"I was lucky that my friend was there to protect me," Eren says politely.

Dumar snorts. "What would Eldians know about friendships?"

This is petty.

There's no reason for Eren to say this. There's absolutely no reason for him to crush the hope that he gave Dumar.

But Eren's head is aching, and his temper feels a little short.

"I... do recall that one of the locals called another 'Kyle.' I... believe they said something about getting a... 'Dum-Dum' to cover for them if they get in trouble...?"

That's what does it.

Dumar's face crumples. The hope in his eyes have been smothered. That's right. Those kids are gone. There's no hope that they'll ever come back. There aren't even bodies to mourn.

Just like how Eren doesn't have Marcel to mourn.

Hey, how does it feel? It hurts, doesn't it? It's more painful than feeling the world shake as you get knocked off your feet. It's worse than getting stabbed or having your limbs broken.

You say that Eldians are nothing better than animals. That you are justified in this kind of treatment towards them since they're not human.

And yet they both feel heartbreak the same way.

"T-that's a lie!" Dumar yells. He reaches to grab Eren but is stopped by Magath.

"You asked him to tell you the truth. Not sweet words to bolster you. If you can't handle reality, you shouldn't have asked."

Eren is shocked that Magath would protect him like this. But that shock is quickly tossed aside by Dumar's reaction.

Dumar covers his face, just barely stifling sobs. His words sound like things that Eren has said about Marcel. Things like how they were too young. That they still had the future before them. That there were so many things he wanted to do with them.

Seeing this man's grieving face (Seeing his own grief reflected on this man's face), Eren realizes just how cruel his words were.

He shouldn't have said those things. He shouldn't have said anything at all. He should have just silently taken the verbal lashing like he normally does.

Why did he say anything at all?

Why had he been so ready to plummet someone else into the same misery as he feels?

*

"Eren," Magath says sternly once Dumar has been sent away.

Here it comes, Eren thinks. A tongue-lashing.

"Sir?"

"Thank you for telling him the truth."

Eren can't quite wrap his head around that. He made that man grieve. He snatched away that man's hope. Why is Magath thanking him? Magath never seemed like that much of a sadist... Did Eren misjudge his Commander?

"It's better to know for certain than to cling onto false hopes. It's far better to face the truth and learn to move on from these losses."

Although they're talking about Dumar, Eren can't help but to feel like Magath is talking about Marcel.

Move on, huh?

It's something Eren knows that he needs to do. He can't keep clinging onto Marcel as he has been for the last five years. He needs to let go. He needs to move on. To heal.

Most importantly, he must never mistake Porco for Marcel again.

"Also, here."

Magath places a sealed letter in Eren's hands. He gives Eren a meaningful look that's way too loaded to be good news. Then Magath turns and leaves, not even making sure that Eren looks at the letter.

How suspicious.

Eren looks at the letter. The seal looks like an official Marleyan document. How scary. It's not going to be one of those the minute he breaks the seal something bad is going to pop out of the letter, right? He scoffs at such a dumb thought.

He rips the seal and opens the letter.

Ah, no wonder Magath left as soon as he received it. It seems the higher ups have yet another use for Eren that will most definitely get him killed before he'll ever inherit Zeke's titan. They must be quite angry with him to give him this treatment.

_Become a double agent... huh?_

Infiltrate the enemy lines. Spy on the enemy while pretending to sell out information about the Warriors and Marley. Above all, keep it a secret from everyone else.

According to Zeke, Colt is currently in a depressed state, so he can't be trusted. They wouldn't dare risk any of their Warriors, not after the failure of the Paradis mission. And it's not like the other children can do something like this.

So that leaves just Eren. Besides, it's also the perfect opportunity for them to punish him for being so distracted while on guard duty. This bombing disaster is his fault. Tommy's death, Haley's disappearance, Colt's depression, Zofia's wound, the rest of the Warrior Candidates' horror, everyone's injuries and downcast mood, and all the losses and people dead...

All of this is his fault.

No wonder Magath went out of his way to protect him from Dumar's wrath. No wonder Magath seemed to be kinder than usual.

Can't lose their double agent before the mission even starts.

If he's discovered, the Warrior Division will wash their hands of him. No one will come to protect him like Porco did. Like Zeke would have, given the chance. In fact, he'll end up betraying their trust in him for the rest of their short lives. Then he will die at the mercy of the enemy, possibly after being tortured.

Or it's possible that the plan is to scapegoat him. Use him as a double agent. When he is no longer useful, make an example of him to show the rest of the Eldians what happens when you try to betray Marley.

The anti-titan weapons are not good enough reasons to stand against them.

He'll have to dispose of this letter secretly so that no one else finds out. Let's see. Pieck and Zeke are especially sharp. How should he go about fooling them?

"What a pain..."

*

"Hey Porco, is this a joke to you?"

Porco scowls. "The hell are you saying? Can't you see that I'm doing my best here?"

But that's not the problem.

That's so not the problem, and if Porco thinks that it is, he's sorely missing the point.

With an annoyed growl, Eren tries to throw the blanket off to get out of bed. Porco immediately pushes him back down and holds him down.

"I want to stretch my legs. I've been in bed all week, Porco! My headache is gone. I'm fine."

Porco shakes his head almost frantically. "No, you're not! Zeke said bed rest is good for you. Shut up and rest!"

"You shut up and get off of me!"

When Eren struggles against the hold, Porco, this asshole, gets on the bed. He pins Eren down, using his entire weight to minimize Eren's struggles. Then he smirks down like this is his victory. Damn him. Does he delight in torturing the injured this much?

"Hah! Would you look at that? Now you have no choice but to obey."

"Should... we come back later? You two look... like you guys shouldn't be disturbed," Colt says with an amused raised brow.

Despite the lightness of his voice, he looks tired. How is he handling the whole situation? Has someone talked to him about relieving stress? If not, should Eren offer to take him out for a race? Except Colt's the type to prefer quiet ways to deal with his emotions than something physical. Maybe Eren should bring up the whole wood carving thing?

By Colt's side, Gabi, Falco, and Udo all refuse to look at the two of them in bed. While it's great to see all three of them look healthy and well, Eren is a bit confused as to why they're all blushing like that. It's not like Eren and Porco wrestling is anything new. No need to avert their eyes.

"Colt, Colt! Listen to this! This guy is a tyrant! He won't let me get out of bed!" Eren whines.

Seeing that, Porco snarls at him. "Oh, shut it, you big baby!" Then to Colt and the kids, he adds, "Can you believe this guy? A patient should know his place and obey his caregiver!"

"You're not my caregiver! And if you are, I demand a refund!"

Colt covers his mouth to try and stifle his laughter. But it must not have helped, because he bursts out laughing. He turns to the two of them with a bright grin on his face. And in that moment, Eren understands that they'll be fine.

There's no need to worry.

"I'm glad you guys are okay," Colt says. "But we should probably be quieter to not disturb everyone else."

*

"So you are okay, right?" Gabi asks, looking worriedly at Eren.

He smiles. "Yup! And if Porco will please get off of me, I'll be even better!"

Porco pretends that he doesn't hear, that asshole.

"Are... all the missions like this?" Udo asks quietly.

Eren finds the smile on his face frozen. He knows he should be encouraging. He knows he should be lighthearted. But he finds that he doesn't want to lie about this.

"No. They're not. But... if we do go to war, it'll become worse than this."

All three of their expressions fall. Eren makes sure to embed those expressions into his heart. When he finds himself faltering in the middle of his spying mission, he'll think of them. He'll think of Zeke's gentle hair ruffles. He'll think of Colt's laughing face.

He'll think of Porco asleep by his bedside.

That should give him the resolve to keep going.

**End of Part 1 (Warning Sign) **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite all the protests, Eren dozes off to sleep in the middle of their talk. See, he was tired, after all. Porco shakes his head. Honestly, this guy needs to learn how to take care of himself better. Porco can't always be around to watch over him anymore.
> 
> Seeing that Eren has dozed off, the others leave. Porco waves them all goodbye until he realizes that there's really no need for him to stay on top of Eren like this.
> 
> He gets off of the bed and comes to stand by Eren's side.
> 
> How peaceful.
> 
> Eren looks quite angelic like this. No sign of his infamous scowl or brilliant grin. Just a soft smile on his face. Porco finds it almost unfair. Direct that at Porco sometimes, too, won't you? As Eren's best friend, shouldn't Porco have seen all the expression there is to see on Eren?
> 
> He gently moves Eren's hair out of his face, exposing his forehead. Was Eren's hair always this soft? Don't they use the same hair products, especially when deployed? Then why does Eren's hair feel softer? Is it because Porco gels his hair? Should he not gel it for a few days to compare? But he likes having his hair out of his face. Not to mention Eren once mentioned that it looked cool in passing...
> 
> "... Porco..."
> 
> Shoot. He's been caught.
> 
> He jerks back like he's been burned, feeling his face heat up. He can't look at Eren. Damn it. Damn it. Laugh. Mock him. He'll just take it and...
> 
> "... Sorry."
> 
> Why...?
> 
> Why? Why? Why?
> 
> Why would Eren ever feel the need to apologize to Porco?
> 
> If anything, it should be Porco apologizing. For not being able to properly protect him. For not protecting the kids. For not being by Colt's side. For letting things get to this point. For being completely useless even though he has the power of a titan.
> 
> Eren has nothing to apologize for!
> 
> It's out of pure pettiness.
> 
> Porco flicks Eren's exposed forehead as hard as he can. It makes Eren jerk awake and look around wildly in shock.
> 
> With a superior smirk, Porco announces, "Hah! Revenge!"
> 
> Eren stares at him blankly for a second. Then his face contorts into one of rage and immense frustration.
> 
> "You ass! I was trying to sleep!"
> 
> But it's infinitely better than Eren's mumbled apologies.


	7. interlude - a jaw titan's love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Porco's birthday celebration. 
> 
> An interlude, meaning it has nothing to do with the main story. You can safely ignore this chapter if the following isn't to your tastes.
> 
> Warnings: Ymir x Historia. Character death. Memory-transfer nonsense.

The first time Ymir eats something sweet after turning back into a human, there's a pang in her heart that she doesn't know how to describe. She thinks it might be something negative, though, because her eyes are beginning to water. And not in a good kind of way. Her taste buds are definitely enjoying this taste. But there's such a strong feeling associate with this taste that she decides that she doesn't like sweets.

The first time she sees the sunset, there's an almost melancholy feeling that settles heavily in her heart. She feels heavy. Like suddenly, her limbs have become three times their normal weight. She feels sluggish. Like her body has shut down, leaving just her mind to roam free. It's a feeling quite like she's trapped in the pure titan's body. She takes care to never watch the sun set again.

The first time she hears the sound of children laughing in the streets, she's suddenly hit with an inescapable feeling of loneliness. Her heart feels hollow. Like someone took a spoon and dug it out of her. She could have sworn that her own happiness lied in solitude and thinking only of herself. But she feels an acute ache of missing...

Is it someone specific that she's missing? Or is it a general someone that she's missing?

As long as she finds someone - anyone - will this feeling go away?

*

It's not due to personal feelings that she picks the church.

Or at least that's what she likes to tell herself as she curls up on the pew, staring up at the glass-stained ceiling that must have costed a fortune.

At the very least, it's peaceful here at this time.

The food in the pantry is always full. She can sleep here all she wants. And, as long as she's careful about dodging the few priests here and there, no one will nag at her. She doesn't think her loneliness can be filled up by these priests or their worship of the walls anyways.

But something they say catches her attention.

The bastard daughter of the true king within the walls have agreed to join the Survey Corps to die.

"Good riddance!"

"Now we don't have to waste any more resources to kill her!"

It seems so ridiculous.

These priests who preach on and on about the importance of living and the value of life are celebrating the potential death of a young girl.

At best, it's a whim.

At best, she's just bored.

At best, she's tired of staying in the church and wanted to see something new.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the loneliness in her heart that makes her sing at the thought of someone just like her.

Don't be silly. Why would you think that?

*

Krista Lenz is...

Is?

What is Krista Lenz?

Physically, she's small. She's small and lithe, and Ymir often wonders if Krista is getting enough to eat. She seems like the type to fly away if the wind blows a little too hard.

Mentally, she always puts others first. She rushes to others' side with thoughtful kindness that seems much too self-sacrificing that it grates Ymir's nerves. She never once seems to consider herself until someone else inquires about her. That typically means it's Ymir watching over her every move and action to figure out exactly how she's feeling. Because if Ymir doesn't do that, Krista will collapse due to fatigue.

She frustrates Ymir to no end. Or rather, perhaps it's that Ymir feels frustrated at herself?

Ymir can't figure it out.

Why does she feel so bothered by Krista? Why does she keep watching over Krista? Why does her eyes keep trailing after Krista? Why is it that she can't seem to get Krista out of her mind?

"Eh? Isn't that just love?" Sasha asks with her mouth full of bread.

Ymir almost swallows her spoon. "What are you talking about?!"

"You can't stop thinking about her. You can't stop looking at her. You always want to be around her."

"I didn't say the last part," Ymir snaps.

Sasha shrugs. "It's love."

Ymir can't believe she's getting schooled on "love" by Potato Girl, of all people. She rubs the back of her neck, trying to find a way to reclaim her lost pride.

"By the way, you might want to be careful. Krista's really popular."

Sasha points. Ymir doesn't want to look. She really doesn't want to look.

But she finds herself turning to look anyways.

Reiner is grinning widely as he talks excitedly to Krista. Krista has a polite smile on her face, but it's clear that she's not at all interested. Bertolt gives her a pitying look but makes no move to help her.

Damned bastards.

Ymir pushes the remaining of the food left on her plate at Sasha as a thank you. Then she turns and marches to rescue Krista from unwanted attention.

"Yo Reiner, why don't you pay more attention to your boyfriend? He looks rather lonely," she says with a sharp grin.

"I would if I had one," Reiner remarks with an equally sharp grin. "But let's just say circumstances never lined up."

Krista gives him a worried look. "Oh, I didn't realize you had someone you liked!"

Whua...? No, Krista. He's just... No. Stop. Why are you so dense?

There's a surprisingly gentle look on Reiner's face as he looks away. For just a second, Ymir might have even said that he looked human. But what really catches her attention is the look of confusion on Bertolt's face. Is this someone that not even Bertolt knows about?

"Yeah, he... was someone I treasured with all my heart... Now that I think about it, he was kind of like you, Krista."

"Like me?" Krista echoes, surprised.

Reiner chuckles. "Overly kind and thoughtful. Stubborn to a fault. He never pays much attention to himself, so every day was worrying. But when he grinned, it was easy to believe that nothing will ever be wrong."

There's something about the way that he's talking that pisses Ymir off. She's not even sure why. Is it because he arrived on the same conclusions about Krista as Ymir did? But anyone would've noticed that about Krista if they had even two brain cells to rub together. And unfortunately, Reiner's a lot sharper than his dumb face makes him look.

So why does she feel so angry? Why does she feel so betrayed?

"I wanted to give him the world."

Krista's brows furrow. "Did... something happen to him?"

Reiner's expression freezes. Then it becomes hooded as he forces himself to laugh.

"I-it just... didn't work out. That's all."

But his voice is harsh, a clear warning to everyone to not ask more. Krista looks worried, but she seems to understand lines.

Ymir, however, never claimed to be nice. She sees the line and bolts across it.

"Of course, it didn't. You're such a creep. I bet you scared him off because of that."

Reiner's eyes flash with something that Ymir can't read. But she doesn't care. How dare he? How dare he? Reiner doesn't get the right to say the things he did. Reiner doesn't get to pretend after all that. Reiner, you fucking asshole, that person is-

"T-that's enough!" Bertolt says. His voice is raised just enough to catch all their attentions. But his face is pale as if in fear. "Please. Just leave it there."

"Fine," both Reiner and Ymir agree.

But she can't shake off this anger. She can't shake off this feeling like she's been betrayed by Reiner. She can't shake off this feeling that she knows that person. That person that Reiner described... i-isn't it...?

Krista gently puts her hand on Ymir's arm. "Are you okay?"

All thoughts of Reiner goes out the door.

Because look. Look.

Krista is looking at just her.

*

Ymir doesn't want to admit it, but Sasha was probably right.

This is probably love.

Why else would Ymir's mood soar when her hand touch Krista's? Why else would her heart skip a beat when Krista grins teasingly at her and joke right on back? Why else would her cheeks flush red when Krista leans in so close that Ymir can smell her soap? Why else would she have to constantly stop herself from finding reasons to touch Krista?

Why else would she jump headfirst to rescue Krista against titans without any regard for her own safety?

Why else would she feel so content when Krista wraps her arms around Ymir and cried out, "I won't forgive you if you leave me!"

Why else would her heart sink to her stomach when she realizes that Krista is also a titan shifter?

*

"I think the strongest feelings the previous shifter had before we ate them is transferred to us," Krist... Historia says with her head in Ymir's lap.

"Yeah? What kind of feelings did your previous shifter leave you?"

Historia reaches up and cups Ymir's cheek. "Regrets. Regrets for leaving her son and husband behind. Regrets for the people whose lives were lost. Regrets for leaving me. So I want to live without any regrets. Hey Ymir, won't you please stay by my side?"

Ymir kisses her and promises her the rest of her life.

*

She should have put it together then.

She should have put it together in the thousand and one times similar occurrences happened and she felt something that wasn't quite her own emotions.

Historia received regret from her previous titan holder. And Ymir?

What did Ymir receive?

"You still haven't figured it out? You don't like Kris... Historia. You never did. That love you think you feel for her? That's Marcel's feelings for Eren."

Reiner's eyes are full of pity as he looks down at her on their way to Marley.

She lashes out against him. Because what the hell would Reiner know? What would he understand? Her feelings for Historia is real. Her feelings for Historia is her own. There's no one else influencing her. There's no dead person's feelings bleeding in.

And then she sees Eren.

The broken way he screams at Reiner to give Marcel back. The vicious way he swings his fists before he's stopped. The howls of rage and hurt he hurls at the sky. Until finally, finally, he's calmed by their War Chief.

She sees a reflection of Historia in Eren.

She recalls the way Historia shrieked at her to come back. To stay. That it's okay for the rest of the world to burn if it means that they can be together. The frantic way she tried to cut her skin, trying to transform again to give chase. The way she cried and screamed until finally, finally, a Survey Corps member had to knock her out to carry her away to safety. Because they can't allow the next in line to the throne die miserably while out fighting titans.

Reiner is right. They're similar.

And Ymir should've figured it out.

She should've realized the truth.

She should've put it together when she offered the sweets that she's saved for this occasion and Historia's smile froze a little before she stammered out that she didn't like sweets with a haunted look on her face that Ymir couldn't dare ask more about.

She should've put it together when she offered to brush Historia's hair and couldn't help but to note that it's not right. The hair that she's so used to ruffling, the hair that she's so used to admiring isn't this color, this length.

She should've put it together when she wrapped her arms around Historia and the giggles she heard were too high-pitched. Except that's not right. This is Historia's normal giggles. Why did she think that it was wrong?

She should've put it together.

She should have.

The reason why she chased after Historia with her eyes. The reason why she couldn't stop thinking about Historia. The reason why she wanted so desperately to be with Historia...

That was all Marcel.

Her feelings weren't real.

All this time, she was just deluding herself. She's never escaped the previous titan's hold on her life. She's never escaped Marley. She is still the little girl who was arbitrarily chosen to play the role of the witch Ymir.

She gives up.

The only thing she thought she could rely on (her love for Historia) turned out to be nothing but a lie. The only thing she had to believe in. The only thing that kept her sane through the ride to Marley...

Everything's a lie.

*

The door to the room with the cage opens. The only light is the small candle the person holds as they make their way to Ymir's cage.

Judging from the candle, she guesses that it's some time in the middle of the night. They don't bother with food or water for her. So that's not why this person is here. She's not stupid. They're just debating amongst themselves to figure out when they'll eat her. There's no need to waste resources on her. So who is visiting her? What do they want?

At first, she guesses Reiner, but the build is much too small. Then...?

"Ymir, right?"

The voice belongs to someone that she has personally never met, but she can't help but to note how familiar it is. She can't help but to lean towards that person as if she's been waiting for them.

"I'm Eren Jaeger."

"Pleasure," Ymir rasps out.

There's a small pause before the guy reaches into his pack and pulls out a canteen. He lets Ymir drink a bit of water from it. It's a kindness that Historia would show. It burns Ymir more than she'd like.

"Eh? How kind. Did you fall for me?" Ymir asks with a smirk.

"You killed and ate Marcel, right? Have you seen it? His memories?"

So that's why he's here. She can't imagine that anyone would willingly let him come near her, especially not after he punched Reiner like that. So most likely, he snuck out to see her.

How flattering.

This swelling of want in her heart is because of Marcel, isn't it? Damn, that boy was head over heels for Eren.

"Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. What's it to you?"

That's a lie.

She's actually never seen a single shred of memory from Marcel. She can't tell if it's because he's such a secretive person that he refused to let anyone else see his thoughts and feelings. Or if that's just how things are normally. The only thing she received from him are the impressions of the strongest he felt when he died. And from the way Eren stands before her, she's pretty sure it wasn't one-sided.

"I love him," Eren says with certainty that makes it impossible to tease him. "Er... loved. When he returned, I was going to confess. But the truth is, he told me to wait for him. That he had something he wanted to tell me. Do you know what that is?"

She doesn't have to see Marcel's memories to know what that might have been. She feels Marcel's feelings acutely enough to know. But the thing is, Marcel is dead.

What will telling him the truth do? It's crueler to tell the truth.

"No clue," she lies.

He lets out a soft sigh. "Yeah, I figured. Whether you talk to me or not, you'll die. You have no reasons to say anything to me."

Oh, that's the direction he took it? He's a lot more pragmatic than Historia. With how much Reiner harped on this guy being self-sacrificing and kind, Ymir expected more Historia-like naivety. She's pretty sure it's Marcel who finds this quite charming.

"If you want, I can just say bunch of shit that'll make you feel better. Or things that will make you want to kill me. Think of it as my service for taking away your beloved."

Green eyes observe Ymir for a second longer.

"You seem more lively now," he says. "You looked like you gave up before."

She realizes that it's true. The minute he walked in and started talking, Ymir unwittingly became... excited? Hopeful? No, those aren't quite right. But it's true that she doesn't feel completely hopeless. Is that Marcel's wants of wanting to be near Eren? Or is that her own curiosity?

"You remind me of someone I love dearly," she says.

Eren giggles.

Ymir is struck by how wrong it sounds. Historia's giggles are clearer. It's filled with love and affection in just a single sound. It's a beautiful sound that's absolutely nothing like Eren's. Eren's... sound like he's in pain. Like he's taking all the hurt, all the sadness, and making himself laugh instead of cry.

"I'm glad. That means I get to snatch someone else's dearly beloved. I wonder if your person will suffer as I did. Haha!"

... Huh?

Hey, that's not what anyone else said.

Reiner said that Historia and Eren were alike. Marcel's feelings made her believe that they were alike.

But the cold-eyed boy before her now is absolutely nothing like her beloved Historia. The cruel smile on his face is something Historia would never have on her face. This kind of sadistic train of thought isn't how Historia would think.

This person is nothing like Historia.

Oh, she realizes. Oh.

She was wrong. She, Reiner, Marcel, and everyone were all so wrong.

Historia and Eren are nothing alike.

Her feelings for Historia is her own. She might have first noticed Historia because of Marcel's feelings. Because yeah, if you look shallowly, Eren and Historia are pretty similar. But her feelings are real.

Her love for Historia is real.

It's just as she thought at first. Her feelings are her own. A dead person did not influence her thoughts or feelings. This is all hers.

"He was going to tell you to give up on him. His time is limited as it is. He wanted you to move on and find someone else," Ymir lies.

She said it to hurt him. She said it because she wanted to see that cold glint disappear. Because she wants to protect Historia at least this much.

But instead of a look of hurt, she receives a blush.

Eren blushes and looks away, looking quite touched.

...

Huh?

"So he did like me back..."

Did... this guy say all that to extract that information? And she fell for it without realizing the truth.

This guy is dangerous.

If it had been him who had come to Paradis instead of Reiner... It's quite possible that Paradis might not be standing.

"Move on, huh? I wonder how you're supposed to do that..."

The coldness from before is all but gone. Ymir can't tell if this guy faked that, too. How much of this person is fake in order to get what he wants? Is this something new that Marcel didn't know about in the last five years? Or has this person always been like this? Hey Marcel, is this also part of Eren that you loved?

The door to the room yanks open, and three rifles point inside. The Marleyan officers only relax when Eren holds his hands up and explain who he is.

"What's a Warrior Candidate doing here? Do you have permission?"

"Yes sir," Eren says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an official looking document. "Commander Magath ordered me to extract as much information from her as we could to compare to Reiner's report."

"You're supposed to tell us about things like this beforehand," one of the soldiers growl.

The soldiers don't bother to take the document from Eren. They take Eren's words for it. After complaining and berating Eren for a bit longer, they finally leave.

"That paper's fake, isn't it?" Ymir asks, fascinated.

Eren doesn't answer her. Instead he reaches down and picks up his candle.

"I have what I want. There's no need for me to stay here any longer."

Ymir wants to stop him. She's not sure why. Maybe she misses talking to someone? Maybe she wants to find out more about the whole Warrior Division and what their deal is? Maybe she's just bored. But she can't think of anything that she can say or do to stop him.

"But as a thanks for the info, I should probably tell you this. The one who'll eat you is most likely going to be the little brother of the one you killed."

"Revenge, huh?" Ymir mumbles.

The smile on Eren's face is crocked. He no longer looks like the cold person from before. No, he looks much younger now. Like a child who's seen too much of the world.

Like Historia.

Like Ymir.

Maybe that's just how all Eldians smile.

"If... you dare hurt him in any way..." Eren leans in close. His green eyes burning holes in Ymir. "I will fuck you up."

It's a hollow threat.

What can he possibly do?

By that time, Ymir will be long dead to the world. There's no way for him to come after her. But something about those eyes terrify her. Although logically, she knows that he cannot hurt her in any way, she can't seem to believe it.

"Enjoy your last days."

Then Eren's gone, leaving Ymir alone in her dark cage.

*

She thinks about it in her remaining days.

About her feelings for Historia. About her regrets of not being able to properly say goodbye to her. About her stupidity for believing even for a second that this feeling isn't real. That Reiner would ever be right.

This feeling is hers.

She loves Historia.

*

"Hey, how firm are you in your grasp of self?" she asks Marcel's little brother.

"What?"

Ymir grins. "What I mean is get yourself an anchor. Someone or something that will ground you in reality and remind you who you are. Don't get confused."

"The hell are you talking about? An anchor?"

"Let's just say that there's a rather cute cat that'll fuck me up if you can't get yourself together. So for both our sakes, do your best, Little Brother!"

She laughs in the face of her death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porco feels groggy.
> 
> He thinks he had a really long dream. Long enough of a dream for him to feel that he's been asleep for a long time. But he doesn't think that much time has passed, since the airship they're on to return to Liberio is still airborne.
> 
> Both Colt and Eren are using him as pillows on either side of him. Although he's a little tempted to shake them both awake so he can stretch his legs, he decides to let them rest. They're probably both tired from everything that's happened. And unlike him, they can't just heal their fatigues away. 
> 
> But now he's bored.
> 
> Maybe he should poke Eren until he wakes up? No, no. Eren needs to rest (Not to mention Zeke will murder him). And he can't bother Colt. That'd be rude.
> 
> Too bad he didn't bring a marker or a pen. He could've at least passed the time by doodling on Eren's face.
> 
> C'mon, there has to be something else that he can do! 
> 
> He glances around the airship for something interesting. 
> 
> The children are conversing lowly amongst themselves. Pieck is flipping through her language book. Zeke seems to be writing the report they'll have to submit. And...
> 
> Unluckily, his eyes meet with Reiner's.
> 
> Reiner flinches and quickly looks away, looking quite like a guilty man along the way. Has... he been staring at the three of them the entire time? 
> 
> Ugh. What a creep.
> 
> Hold up. 
> 
> Now that he thinks about it, he hasn't really had the chance to talk to Reiner, has he? Any time there could've been an opportunity, Porco always took the time to look after Eren. Well, he says that. But the actuality is that he just didn't want to focus on Reiner. He didn't want to think nor unpack the long list of grievances he has against that guy. So it was, as it always is, much easier to focus on Eren.
> 
> But with the upcoming war, it'll be expected that he gets over his personal problems for the sake of Marley's victory.
> 
> He really, really doesn't want to. 
> 
> The airship shakes, possibly after hitting a rough patch in the air. The tremors snap Colt awake, but Eren continues to sleep on. 
> 
> "How are you so defenseless? You're going to get attacked like this," Porco grumbles, poking Eren's cheek. 
> 
> He tries not to be too fascinated by how soft Eren's skin is. Just how much lotion does this guy puts on? Porco wants to pinch Eren, just because.
> 
> Colt sleepily glances at Porco and then at Eren with a soft smile. "Good thing we have our big, bad Warrior protecting us."
> 
> "Hush, you."
> 
> "But you know, Eren's sleeping so soundly because you're the one protecting us."
> 
> Porco puts his hand on Colt's face and physically pushes him away. Colt flails and falls off of his seat. 
> 
> "Favoritism! This is favoritism!" Colt yells.
> 
> "Shhh! Eren's sleeping!" Porco hisses.
> 
> Colt lowers his voice to a whisper. "Favoritism!"
> 
> Porco rolls his eyes.


	8. interlude - a day in the future with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of Porco's birthday celebration.
> 
> An interlude, meaning it has nothing to do with the main story. You can safely ignore this chapter if the following isn't to your tastes.
> 
> This one is set some time in the future where Porco and Eren have finally gotten together. So please think of it as this is what we're building up towards. In that sense, I suppose there's mild "spoilers" for the ending of this story. But like... we all knew going in that Porco and Eren are getting together... Right???
> 
> Warning: Porco x Eren (Established). PDA. Fluff.

Eren wakes to a kiss on his mouth and then on his nose. And just as he bleary opens his eyes, Porco goes for another kiss on the mouth.

"Morning," Porco sniggers, grinning widely like he knows a secret.

"Morning breath," Eren grumbles in response.

Porco must find it hilarious, because he goes in for another kiss. When Eren tries to pull back, Porco charges relentlessly forward, stealing kisses after kisses like he can't get enough. This guy has no plans on stopping, does he? Fine. Eren will play along.

Eren waits for Porco to go for another kiss. When he sees his chance, he grabs Porco's head to prevent him from escaping with just a light brush of the lips. He deepens the kiss, feeling delighted when Porco opens his mouth and goes along.

A pillow comes flying at the two of them, hitting them with way too good of accuracy. The two separate long enough to see Colt's annoyed face.

"I'm in the room!" he snaps. "Can you two please have some decency?"

Eren knows that he should take this request seriously. Colt is their precious friend. And it's not like Colt is asking for much. But he also can't help but to find it all to funny.

"It's just kisses, Colt," he says innocently. "We haven't done anything really indecent."

If all the world's venom can be condensed and put into a glare, it will probably look like the one Colt is giving Eren.

"If you want, you can join in," Eren adds.

Porco suddenly pushes Eren down, pinning him against the bed with a sneer. "You think I'm going to share? My, Eren, don't you have too good of an opinion of me? You're finally mine. I'm not letting you go anywhere."

Eren finds himself much too charmed by such words. He peeks up at Porco coyly from between his fluttering eyelashes.

"And what exactly are you planning on doing to make me stay?"

"Ugh. You guys both suck," Colt tells them. "Why can't you do things like this in your room? Why do you always come to where I am?"

Porco and Eren actually pause to think about that. It's true. As Warriors, both Porco and Eren are allowed their own private rooms. But since they're together (the official reason is that it saves money), they've opted to have one room to share together. Instead of going there, the two of them often find themselves coming to Colt's room that he shares with Falco.

... Speaking of...

Falco's face is beet red as he refuses to look at anywhere near Eren or Porco. He hides behind his brother as if that can make the scene before him go away.

Damn.

They should probably stop playing around, huh?

"I don't know. Habit?" Porco says with a shrug.

Colt looks disgusted. "Look, I'm really happy for the two of you. I really am. But I need both of you to stop involving me when you two are going to get intimate. I really don't need to know that much about you guys."

"Aw shucks, Colt. Are you-"

Colt throws another pillow at Eren's face to prevent him from saying anything more.

"I didn't even finish!" Eren howls.

*

Porco leans heavily against Eren, dramatically claiming that he's too tired to walk.

"Darling, why don't you carry me?" he asks with a smug smirk at Eren.

Eren rolls his eyes and tries to look annoyed, but he knows he's failing from the way his own lips curve up into a grin. Porco sniggers, knowing he's won.

"You asked for it."

With that, Eren goes for a fireman's carry. He distributes Porco's weight evenly across his shoulders and carry him like a sack of potatoes.

"You unromantic ass!" Porco yells when he realizes what has happened.

Eren laughs.

*

It seems Porco took what happened in the halls rather seriously. Because when they settle for breakfast, he immediately aims for Eren's fruits.

"You have your own!" Eren exclaims. He knocks Porco's fork away with his own.

The two grin at each other and begin to dramatically swing their forks, making a show of an epic battle.

"How do you have so much energy in the morning?" Pieck asks them as she joins them at the table. "Weren't you two busy being together last night to sleep?"

Eren shakes his head. "Nah. We just slept. Colt told us not to do anything indecent while he's in the room."

Pieck chokes on the coffee she was carefully sipping. "Y-you went to Colt and Falco's room? Falco's too innocent for you two to do this to him! How dare you?"

"We didn't do anything!" Eren turns to Porco for support and realizes with a start that this stupid ass has eaten all of Eren's blueberries. "Hey!"

"Should've guarded them better," Porco says with a bright grin.

"You have your own!" Eren whines.

Porco rolls his eyes. He stabs a blueberry from his own plate and instead of offering to Eren like Eren wanted, puts it in his mouth. Then he grabs Eren by the front of his shirt and crashes their lips together. It's because Eren was complaining earlier that his mouth was open to begin with. And Porco, this ass, takes full advantage of it.

By the time Porco pulls back, all Eren can taste is the blueberry Porco shared. He feels his face heat up.

"I... I can't... b-believe you..." Eren mumbles, trying to glare at Porco.

Porco smirks. "Want another one?"

"You guys are gross," Pieck groans. "Get a room!"

*

The one thing Eren didn't think that he'd inherit when he became a Warrior is paperwork.

"Why is there so much...?" he groans when he sees the fresh stack on his desk.

Zeke gives him a rueful smile. "Come on, complaining isn't going to make this go away."

Eren knows that Zeke is right, but it doesn't make him sulk any less.

"Colt was complaining earlier that you two barged into his and Falco's room last night," Zeke mentions suddenly.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I keep forgetting I'm not sharing a room with Colt anymore."

Zeke sighs exasperatedly, but it sounds fond anyhow. "You should give him some breathing space. He looks like he's starting to get sick of seeing you two."

And Eren gets that, he really does. But...

"I... don't want him to think that we don't want him. We're all still friends. And just because Porco and I are together doesn't mean we don't want Colt at all."

"Eren, Colt is stronger than you think."

If Zeke is saying so, it must be true. But Eren finds it hard to believe.

"At the very least, why don't you include Colt in... less intimate moments?"

*

Lunch break cannot come soon enough.

Eren races against Porco to finish their food first, earning disgusted looks from Pieck and Colt both. Then the two rush outside.

The nice weather of autumn is limited before the cold breeze of winter settles in. They can't waste it!

It's things that they've done as kids. Climbing trees while challenging each other to get to a higher branch. Wrestling in the crunch of the fallen leaves. Playing tag even though it's just the two of them.

Then it's things that they've never done as kids.

Porco tackles Eren to the ground into a pile of leaves, laughing all the while. Eren leans up to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. He lets each kiss lengthen, letting Porco decide if he wants to deepen it. And just when Porco decides to go for it, Eren pulls back with a smirk.

"Ass," Porco says, rubbing their noses together.

"Love you, too."

Porco rests his forehead against Eren's. "I love you."

*

Their break ends much too shortly.

Eren finds himself back at his desk, going through the paperwork with sluggishness. Reiner smacks him lightly on the head with a sheet of paper.

"Where'd your enthusiasm from lunch go?"

"This is just boring, Reiner! Why do we have to take care of paperwork? We're Warriors! We should be fighting!"

"Pray tell me, what should we be fighting?"

"Boredom," Eren replies wisely.

Reiner's stern expression cracks. He quickly looks away to pretend that he's not chuckling, but Eren knows his victory when he sees it.

"Come on, Reiner. You also think this is boring, don't you?"

"Boring or not, this is our duty now."

"Then want to do mine for me?"

"Eren, please."

He laughs easily and waves away Reiner's tense look. "I'm just joking. I know. I'll get this done."

"You know... If you finish this early, you can go see Porco."

Eren finds himself freezing. He slowly turns to Reiner, checking to see if there's any sign of an obvious deceit.

"You promise? I can go to Porco?" Eren asks.

There's a look on Reiner's face that says that he's regretting this, but he nods anyways. "Yeah. As long as you finish everything."

Eren smirks. He cracks his knuckles and settles in to look at the paperwork seriously.

*

"Unbelievable," Pieck sighs, shaking her head. "So you can do it if you try."

Even Zeke looks like he's at a loss for words. Reiner rubs his temples like he's not the one who instigated this.

"Since everything's done, I can go, right?"

Before they can say anything else, Eren bolts for the door.

*

Unlike Eren, Porco was deemed not very helpful with the paperwork. That means, he's usually running drills with the other soldiers or training the Warrior Candidates. So he should be...

Eren spots Porco in the courtyard from his place on the second floor. He immediately opens the window to yell out. As he expected, Porco finds him without much trouble.

"I'm done with work!" Eren yells.

"Then come down! Let's spar!"

With a grin, Eren does as bid.

He throws himself out the window without any care. Faintly, he hears Porco cursing before rushing to break his fall. But doesn't Porco know? This is just the second floor. Eren can survive a fall like this no problem.

But there's something sweet about crash landing on top of Porco anyways.

"You ass! Take better care of yourself!"

Laughing, Eren kisses Porco as thanks.

*

How is it that no matter how many times Eren kisses Porco, it doesn't feel like it's enough? Is it greed? He wants more, more, and even more? And? Once there's nothing more to take, what will he want?

Porco kisses him roughly, their teeth clattering from the force.

And oh, that's wrong. It's not a matter of taking until there's nothing left. Because Porco takes just as much as Eren does. So it's more that it's an exchange.

A practice stick comes flying at them and hits Porco's back. They break from their kiss enough to look at where the stick came from.

"If you're not going to spar, then leave! No one wants to see you two be gross!" Gabi yells at them.

"Come on, Little Bug! This is also a form of sparring," Eren says lightly.

Porco smacks him for that. "Don't teach kids weird shit."

"You're the one who kissed me first."

"Maybe I should kiss your pretty mouth shut."

Gabi lets out a loud groan. "I liked you better when you weren't trying to eat each others' faces!"

Laughing, Porco and Eren decide to focus on sparring for now.

*

"I totally won three times. Don't lie," Porco snaps.

Eren rolls his eyes. "The last one doesn't count. Your arm was outside of the line."

"There are no 'lines' in real battles!"

"Just like there's no kisses in real battles?" Eren teases.

Porco's cheeks flush. "T-that was... You liked it! A-and you kissed me, too! So you can't just blame that one on me!"

"Are you just going to kiss your enemies to submission, too?"

Although it was meant to be just light-hearted teasing, Porco grabs Eren and pulls him close. His right hand rests against the back of Eren's neck. His left grabs hold of the back-most belt hoop on Eren's pants. Their fronts are flushed together and their noses are just shy from brushing.

"Don't be silly. It only works on you."

"And likewise," Eren says leaning in for a kiss.

Porco, that asshole, bites down on Eren's bottom lip instead. He grins like a satisfied cat before releasing Eren's lip. He then leans in and-

"Aren't you two being quite friendly?"

The two of them flinch at the stern voice and jump away from each other. They leave a big enough gap between them so that Zeke can see that they have no intention of continuing.

"H-hey, Zeke," Eren stammers.

His brother's lips are set in a firm frown. This is going to end up in a lecture, isn't it?

"There is something called a time and place..."

*

"This is your fault," Eren grumbles.

Porco rolls his eyes. "Shut up and peel faster."

As punishment for fooling around in the middle of the hallway, Zeke assigned them to cooking tonight's dinner. Eren is of the opinion that they shouldn't be punished at all. But when he tried to argue against his brother, Zeke threatened to give them bathroom cleaning duty instead. Honestly, no fairness in this world at all!

"Hey Eren."

"Wha-"

Porco puts a piece of carrot he has been cutting into Eren's mouth so that half of it is sticking out. He then leans in and bites off the part sticking out, his lips brushing against Eren's. With a smug smirk, he kisses Eren lightly before pulling back.

"What do you know? Vegetables can taste sweet."

"Y-you... b-borrowed that from a book," Eren accuses, struggling to keep his voice as even as he can.

Did that just happen? Did Porco really just lift something straight out of a romance novel?

Porco sniggers and holds up another piece of carrot.

"Want another one?"

Eren grabs Porco by the front of his shirt and yanks him close for a kiss. Their kiss this time tastes of carrots and laughter.

"... Are you two serious right now?"

The two of them break away slowly to Zeke's heavy sigh. Zeke shakes his head, rubbing his temples.

"I should've put you on different duties."

"W-wait, Zeke...!!"

*

What isn't fair is that Porco gets to stay in the kitchen for cooking duty while Eren has to clean the gutters. Granted, it's not the bathrooms, so he should be grateful. But come on. The gutters? It rained two days ago, damn it! The gutters are filled to the brim with wet leaves. Does Zeke want him to suffer?

"I'm going to shave his beard when he's sleeping," Eren grumbles. "No, no. I'll braid it. A-and... put bugs in it! Yeah!"

"Ah yes. That's a very mature way of dealing with this."

Eren turns to glare at Reiner. "Eavesdropping is a bad habit, Reiner. Shall I teach you a lesson?"

Reiner sighs like he's talking to someone stupid. He shakes his head dramatically before grinning at Eren.

"I thought I'd lend a hand to a certain someone with the gutters. But if you don't need it..."

"Ah, ah! Reiner! I didn't mean it! Come on, have a heart! Please, help me out?"

Reiner dares to make a show of thinking about that. "I don't know... What do I get out of this?"

"I'll do anything!" Eren stops. "Okay, maybe not anything but... oh, I know! I'll go shopping with you for Gabi's birthday present."

Just as he knew it would, Reiner's eyes light up.

"Deal!"

*

The sun starts to go down before they can finish. Eren is pretty sure that this means that they can stop. But just in case, he stays on the rooftop to watch the sun go down. The vibrant red slashes the skies in one last attempt to dye the world before it's all swallowed up by the darkness of the night. It's breathtaking to see. Eren makes a small note to himself to bring Porco and Colt here to watch this.

"Enjoying the view?"

Eren turns in surprise and joy. Porco presses his finger to his lips, reminding him to be quiet. This rascal snuck out, didn't he? The teasing words of being unable to be apart from him is at the tip of Eren's tongue, but he holds it as Porco comes to sit next to him on the roof. Their knees knock into each other, but there's something oddly comforting about that brush of contact.

"Zeke's going to be mad when he finds out," Eren says lightly.

"He'll probably make us scrub toilets for weeks," Porco says.

The two stifle their laughter the best they can so Reiner doesn't realize that they're together. It would be bad if the Vice-Captain or whatever Reiner's newest rank is runs off to report to the War Chief.

Eren pulls Porco into a kiss first. It makes Porco snigger as he snakes his arm around Eren's waist.

"We've seen each other all day," Eren says when they pull back. "But I missed you."

"Careful there. That sounds dangerously like you're dependent on me," Porco laughs.

Eren approaches close as if he's going for another kiss. Porco's smile eases, and he tilts his head, ready for one. And just when Porco's guard is down...

"Ow! You ass! That's my nose!"

"Hah! Take that!" Eren crows.

The bite marks on Porco's nose is light enough that they'll fade away very quickly. Eren doesn't think Porco will allow another chance like this again. Damn it. He should have bitten harder.

"Eren, Porco's up there with you, isn't he?" Reiner asks from the ground.

Porco and Eren exchange a look. Porco makes a motion for Eren to cover this up. Eren nods determinedly.

"N-no... I-it's just m-me up here!"

Porco smacks his forehead. Eren wants to cry in sheer embarrassment. How did he mess this up this badly? It's just Reiner. Why is he struggling to lie?

There's a small silence before Reiner speaks up again.

"Hey Eren, did you know that you can't lie to those you care about? Since you care about me that much, I suppose I'll look the other way just this once."

Reiner's voice oozes with smugness, that bastard. If he wasn't doing Eren a favor, Eren would've punched him.

"Care about Reiner, huh?"

Eren glances at the pout on Porco's face. Is this guy seriously throwing a fit over that right now?

"You're such a kid!" Eren exclaims. He grabs Porco's cheeks and pinches them. "I love you. I love you. I love you! How many times do I have to say it?"

Porco yells incomprehensibly until Eren releases his cheeks. He rubs at them, glaring at Eren defiantly.

"You have to say it at least fifty more times," Porco declares.

Eren rolls his eyes. "Fine, you brat! I love-"

Porco grabs Eren and kisses him to prevent him from speaking. Any time Eren pulls away to say the three words, Porco kisses him again and again. It ends with Eren breathlessly gasping from laughter and Porco grinning down at him.

"Would you look at that?" Porco says, clicking his tongue. "You couldn't even say it once. Hey Eren, are you sure you love me?"

Eren pulls Porco down and presses their foreheads together.

"Ass."

Porco chuckles and rubs their noses together. "Love you, too."

"I love you, Porco."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porco groans awake, feeling annoyed by a stuffy feeling. It feels almost like he's drenched. No, that's not quite right. It's more correct to say that his chest is drenched. When he looks down, he sees the mess that is Eren's brown hair on his chest.
> 
> That's right. They returned to Liberio for a short two week break. Unlike Colt who had to go home with Falco, Eren opted to stay over the night. And this guy... Did he seriously drool on Porco's chest in his sleep?
> 
> "Eren, you ass..."
> 
> He trails off when he realizes that no, that's not quite right.
> 
> Eren isn't drooling.
> 
> He's crying.
> 
> This dumbass is crying in his sleep.
> 
> Any anger he felt earlier dries up within seconds at the sight. 
> 
> When they were younger, Eren often had nightmares that he never remember once he woke. It was especially bad during overnight missions, so Marcel suggested that Eren got used to sleeping away from home by sleeping over at their place. Eventually, the nightmares seemed to have stopped, but their habit of sleeping over periodically didn't.
> 
> Or perhaps it's not that the nightmare stopped, just that Eren got better about hiding it?
> 
> Porco wipes the tears away, but he knows that he's not tackling the problem at the root. In order to help his friend not cry silently in his sleep, what should he do?
> 
> "See Colt, it's not because I'm here that Eren can sleep soundly. What good am I if I can't protect him from his stupid nightmares?"


	9. how lonely i've been without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now back to our regular program of cliched romantic dramas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Bertolt is always watching Annie, Reiner supposes that he is always watching the Trio of the Warrior Division.
> 
> It's hard not to stare. 
> 
> Porco and Eren are an explosive combo to begin with. If Marcel isn't there to douse the fire and make sure that everyone is alright, then he's pretty sure that the two would raze everything around them to the ground without any care as to who gets caught. Consumed by their inferno, if you would. And the only person in the world who can unflinchingly touch that fire is Marcel.
> 
> When you see a raging storm be stopped by a single person, wouldn't you stare, too?
> 
> But to say that he's watching the three of them comes off as dishonest. 
> 
> Then who is he watching? Well...
> 
> Porco is mad dog that becomes predictable once you know his tricks. There's only so much that he can do, and it becomes obvious with more observation. His bite may match his bark, but with no brain to back it up, he's not too scary by himself.
> 
> Marcel is calm, courageous, and charismatic. Marcel can put Porco in his place. Marcel can outshoot Bertolt. Marcel can best Annie in hand-to-hand. Marcel can outsmart Pieck in a verbal fight. Marcel speaks to the Marleyan officers without stuttering. Marcel treats all of them equally and fairly, even though Reiner can't quite keep up. Marcel so easily pulls all of them together as a group, giving them a sense of purpose and unity. 
> 
> How can the gap between Marcel and Reiner be so vast? They're the same age, but Marcel is leaps and bounds over what Reiner can do. The hero that Reiner has always envisioned is personified in Marcel, while Reiner is still struggling to disassemble and reassemble the rifle within the time limit. Marcel is on a playing field much higher than the rest of them, kind of like Zeke. But Zeke at least has his age and experiences to prop him up. But Marcel?
> 
> Marcel must be what people call a genius. 
> 
> There's no way to reach him. He's far too above Reiner's level. Even if Reiner studies and works at it for a thousand years, he will never be able to scratch the surface of Marcel's talent. Hell, none of them can. And given a few years, Marcel will be able to outdo Zeke, too. Reiner is pretty sure of that.
> 
> No one in the world can catch up to Marcel.
> 
> And then one day, Eren flips Marcel to the ground and stands with one foot on Marcel's chest. The manic grin on his face at that time is still etched into Reiner's nightmares. The chilling howl of victory Eren let out still sends shivers down Reiner's spine. 
> 
> The only one of them to be able to defeat Marcel is Eren.
> 
> It's obvious when he puts it like that, right?
> 
> The one Reiner watches is Eren.

**Part 2: Makeshift Gauge **

"We need to talk."

The four most terrifying words strung together have just exited Porco's mouth. Added to that threat is the most fierce scowl on Porco's face that Eren has seen in a long while. No matter what Eren says or does, this will turn into a fight.

If Eren stays here to face this, he'll most definitely be late to the meeting.

And you don't understand. He spent the last six months building up enough cred in the streets to be trusted enough to be invited to this meeting. If he fucks this up, there's a high chance that he'll never have a chance like this for another six months, if he's lucky. The Marleyan higher ups are being annoying as it is, demanding to know when Eren will come back with the information on the enemy. And most likely, this meeting won't even give anything worthwhile. Just more trash.

But it's a foot in the door. This is how he's going to build the trust needed to worm his way into the enemy's side.

He can't afford to waste this chance.

So although he'd really like to deal with Porco properly now (if he doesn't, he'll most definitely feel the sting of it later), he can't. He finds himself glancing around their newest makeshift base they've been in for the past two months to see if he can get some help.

Colt - Currently is glaring at Eren and not looking away. On any other times, Eren would've been impressed that his friend isn't looking away and encourage it. But given the context of the setting... This guy is on Porco's side, isn't he?

Zeke - Has a rather concerning frown on his face. Instead of his typical gentle smile that would let Eren get away with whatever he wants, Zeke looks like he's... Like he's hurt by something. Shoot. He's on Porco's side, too, isn't he?

Pieck - Has a pleasant smile on her face that seems to scream, "I'll enjoy watching you get mauled." Definitely not someone he should trust right now.

The children - Look rather disappointed by something. Disappointed but also determined. Falco has his sleeves pulled up. Udo pushes up his glasses in preparation. Gabi tenses, ready to run (probably to tackle Eren). Zofia... Who gave Zofia that threatening looking stick?

Reiner - Just walked into the room and looks very confused as to what's going on. Good. If all else fails, it looks like Eren can at least throw Reiner under the bus to get out of here.

But the problem is escape from this rather large group of people.

How should he go about doing this?

"Can we do this later? I-"

Porco grabs the front of Eren's shirt. Damn. There goes any chance of escape without confrontation. If Eren lets Porco hit him a little, will it be enough to diffuse this situation? Eren glances quickly around to see if anyone would be willing to help. Nope. Nope. They all look like it's a good thing that Porco grabbed him. Why do they always have to make this so difficult?

"Come now, Eren. What's more important to you than me?" Porco snarls.

If he can figure that much out, why can't he put the rest of this together? Then again, it's because he can't that Eren is the one to play this part.

"Plenty of other things. Like Zeke," Eren tells him with a sweet smile.

He sees his brother falter. Good. C'mon, Zeke. Rescue Eren.

Porco snorts, not realizing how hurt Zeke looks by that. "Like hell anyone would believe that. You've been dodging him, too. Eren, what the hell have you been up to for the past six months?"

"Ah... you know," Eren says with a shrug.

It serves to make Porco mad as he knew it would. Right now, he doesn't have a lot of time. The best thing to do is to end this as fast as he can by making Porco mad. Because then, it won't be a discussion that they all try to have, but a fight. Mentally, he apologizes to Porco and promises to make it up to him later.

"No, I don't. That's why I'm asking."

Come on, Porco. Get mad.

"Just lay off. Who cares?"

Porco reels his head back and smashes it against Eren's. Why is it that this is the only way Porco ever uses his head? And is it just him or did Porco's head get harder since inheriting the Jaw Titan? Damn it, that really hurt.

"Try again," Porco growls.

What? Is he planning on headbutting Eren until Eren says what he wants to hear? Barbarian! This is so not how you're supposed to extract information. Porco, let someone else take the lead!

But if this is how Porco is going to be, then he gives Eren no choice.

"Hey Porco, aren't you way too dependent on me?"

Like he knew it would, those words make Porco freeze. Eren opts to ignore the expressions of disbelief on everyone else's faces.

Eren motions at Porco's hold on his shirt. "This is exactly what I mean. I spend a little time away, and you react so violently."

Oh no. No, no, no. Porco, don't look so hurt. You're supposed to get mad. Get mad, Porco. Please, Eren can't... He can't play this role properly if Porco doesn't get mad. Just... Just for once, just go along with Eren and-

"I was just in your way, huh?" Porco mumbles, releasing Eren. He looks away, refusing to meet Eren's eyes.

And this is exactly the result that Eren wanted. He needs to go and focus on the upcoming meeting. He doesn't have any time to waste here. Any information he can get is something that will aid Porco and everyone in the war efforts. He needs to focus on that.

But it's so damned hard.

The words of apology hangs in his mouth in bitterness. But he can't say them. Not without blurting out the truth. An apology without any explanation will just ring hollow. It'll be better that he stays quiet for now.

He wishes he can reach out to his friend.

*

Their eyes are full of suspicion when they regard Eren, so he smiles charmingly at them. It doesn't seem to help his cause at all.

"You expect me to believe a Warrior Candidate would choose to side with his enemy?" one of them growls.

"Eh? Why wouldn't you? Wait, wait!" Eren holds his hand up in the air with a wide grin. "Don't tell me you're one of those dolts that fell for the Marleyan propaganda like my parents?"

"Propaganda?" another one ventures to ask uncertainly.

Eren giggles delightedly. "Don't you know? The ones who will be 'sent to Heaven' first are my family. All it takes is one fuck up from me."

"What? So you're some sort of a noble kid who wants to save your family?"

Why do every non-Eldians always look so disgusted by such a thought? Eren wonders where the disconnect comes from. At the end of the day, aren't they all humans?

"That's one way to think of me. But... truth be told, I'm more interested in saving myself. My big bro is the Beast Titan, you see. They expect me to kill and eat him when his time is up. And once that happens, my timer starts. I don't want to live for only 13 more years after that! No way. I'm going to live a long life~"

There. He gave them exactly what they wanted to hear. An untrustworthy Eldian who only cares for himself. It must be what they wanted to see, though, because they fall into silence, watching him.

"How do we know that your information isn't fake?" comes the logical question.

Eren grins. "How do I know that you're not just going to kill me for showing up? I don't. Just like you don't know whether or not I'm going to betray you. Isn't that the fun part of these meetings?"

There's a tense silence that makes Eren fearful that he might have made a mistake. Although the smile on his face doesn't slip, he's sweating bullets on the inside. Come on. It took him six months to get to this spot. He had to sacrifice so much of his personal free time that he could've spent with his friends and the young Warrior Candidates. He hurt Porco for this.

This cannot go to waste.

"Heh. Fine. Let's see how long that cockiness of yours last."

*

He feels so damned tired.

But this is most definitely a step forward in the right direction. Now, he'll just have to wait for the next meeting and slowly earn trust. Ugh. Just how much of his time will this take up?

He misses Porco. He misses Colt. He misses Zeke. He misses the little kids. He misses everyone and his carefree days of spending time with them. If he could, he would so much rather abandon this and go running to them.

But it seems he's a lot more rational than he ever gave himself credit for.

Rational...

The look of hurt on Porco's face flashes in Eren's mind. No matter what he says or do, he will never be able to undo that hurt.

He covers his face and forces himself to take a deep breath. Regretting that isn't going to help anyone. He needs to get himself together. Right now, he needs to focus on getting information.

So that they don't lose anyone else again.

He can't falter.

*

Porco, that asshole, is waiting for him by the door for when he gets back.

The minute Eren walks in through the door, Porco grabs him by the front of his shirt and shoves him against the wall. Eren considers lashing out but stops when he sees the look in Porco's eyes.

That's not hurt. That's not betrayal. That's not anger.

That's sheer desperation.

"Eren, just... talk to me. Did I do something? Why are you pulling away? If you don't say anything, I'm not going to understand. You know I'm stupid. If I said something wrong or did something that annoyed you, just tell me. I'll apologize. Just don't... don't do this."

His heart aches.

It hurts. It hurts so damned much, and there's nothing he can do about it. He wants to come clean. He wants to tell Porco everything and explain. But he knows that doing so will leave too much to chance. Telling someone that he's a double agent is something he must not do.

He already ran that option a thousand times in his head. And he's no Marcel when it comes to plans, but he's not stupid either. The most likely scenario is that the information will get leaked. Not because Porco is careless, but because the more people know the truth, the easier it is for information to get out. All it takes it just a simple slip of the tongue.

He covers his eyes with his hand. "I'm tired. Leave me alone."

Porco is apparently not done. He pushes Eren's hand away to reveal his eyes.

"Say that again to my face."

It's terribly cruel. Porco knows all of Eren's ticks when he lies. If Eren lies unconvincingly, Porco will definitely-

"Oh, sorry! I didn't realize someone was here," Reiner says with a small yelp.

Eren sees his chance. Vaguely, he's aware that this is going to hurt Porco even more. But if he doesn't take this chance, he knows he'll tell Porco everything. For the sake of the mission, for everyone in the Warrior Division, Eren has to do this.

"You want to know that badly? Fine. I was with Reiner."

Porco is too shocked to react to that. Eren uses it to push him off. He grabs Reiner and drags him out of there.

*

"Uh... i-if you could not... involve me, I-I would-"

"Reiner, if anyone asks, I was with you, got it?" Eren snaps.

There's a stunned pause before Reiner shakes his head no. "Please don't involve me. I-"

Eren grabs him by the front of his shirt and glares at him. For a second, it looks like Reiner will shake his head again. For a second, it looks like Reiner will push Eren away. For a second, Eren readies his fists to "gently" convince Reiner.

Then Reiner closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again, he's an image of a calm that Eren feels completely taken back to see.

Has Reiner always been this collected of a person?

"Alright," Reiner says. "You're not the type of person who hurts others for fun. If you're going out of your way to do this, then it has to be because you're trying to keep them safe from something. And if you're not saying why you're doing this, it's because you're not allowed to talk about it for whatever reasons. That's fine. I will help you."

... That's not fair.

That's so not fair that Eren wants to tear out his hair. Why the hell does Reiner understand but Porco doesn't? Why is it that the words that Eren wanted so desperately to hear from Porco are coming out of Reiner's mouth? Why the hell couldn't Porco make that logical jump to arrive at Reiner's conclusion?

Why the hell is Porco so damned stupid?

His eyes begin to water. He doesn't want to look weak in front of Reiner. He doesn't want Reiner to think that it was for the best that Eren was skipped over for being a Warrior. He doesn't want Reiner to feel glad that he was the most suitable person to inherit the Armored, even though he has a long list of failures under his belt.

Angrily, Eren tries to wipe the tears away. But it's hard to stop the tears once they begin to fall. How long has he been waiting for someone to tell him that? How long has he been so desperate for someone to reach out to him?

How long has he been so lonely?

There's a hesitant touch on his shoulder. Reiner's face is blurry thanks to the tears in Eren's eyes. But that helps.

He can pretend that this isn't Reiner.

Eren clutches tightly to that person's shirt and cries.

*

It's warm. Warm and comfortable and... Why does his blanket smell so unfamiliar...?

He bolts awake, glancing around wildly to figure out where he is. He's in bed. Not in his room that he shares with Colt, though. This is a single. That means it's one of the Warrior's room. But there's no sign of Porco's jacket or Zeke's familiar cigarette smell. That means...

Eren peeks over the bed and sees Reiner on the ground, sleeping.

This was clearly done so that Eren would be a little more at ease when he woke up. At the very least, Eren wouldn't have reacted kindly to waking up in bed with...

His face burns.

Damn this idiot. Why the hell couldn't he have just left Eren on the ground or whatever instead? That would have been far kinder than... than...

He doesn't want to think about this. He carefully gets out of bed and rushes for the door. As quietly as he can, he opens the door and closes it behind him. There. Let's never do that again and forget that this happ-

"... Eren?"

Oh, come on.

Zeke stares wide-eyed at the door and then to Eren and then back to the door. It's clear that his brain is reeling from all the wrong conclusions. Eren really should correct it, but he also knows that this is technically to his advantage. What should he do...?

"It... it uh... w-wasn't your room," Eren says lamely.

If Eren's ears are red, it's due mainly to embarrassment and not just because it's a bad lie. But Zeke probably can't tell.

His brother's eyes are locked onto his ears. Eren wants to cover them up very badly. They're probably beet red, judging from how hot his face feels.

"W-what are you doing up so late?" Eren asks in hopes of changing the topic.

Zeke's eyes glance one more time at Reiner's door before turning back to Eren with a strained smile.

"J-just... t-thought maybe I should smoke a bit to help sleep. You uh... Does Porco know about...?" Zeke makes an awkward motion towards the door.

"What does Porco have to do with this?" Eren snaps.

Zeke opens his mouth and then wordlessly closes it. He nods slowly. "R-right. You're right. I er... t-that wasn't-"

"Stop being so weird!" Eren groans. "Zeke, I don't need your approval or anything. I just... didn't want this."

Realization dawns on Zeke. He lets out a small, "Oh!" of understanding. Whatever he thought of, it's wrong. But Eren doesn't have the luxury to correct him.

"You know you didn't have to keep this a secret like this? I won't judge you. I'm a little hurt that you couldn't trust me enough to tell me. But... I think I can also understand why. You must have been very confused and guilty, right?"

Eren can't meet his brother's eyes. This is lying by omission. He's lying to the one person he knows will never lie to him. He's lying to the one person who has been nothing but sweet and-

"Hey," Zeke says. He puts his hand under Eren's chin and lifts it so that Eren can see the comforting smile on his brother's face. "It's going to be okay."

Is it really? Why is it so hard to believe in those sincere words?

Seeing his hesitation, Zeke chuckles. He ruffles Eren's hair affectionately. Just a little, it makes him believe that maybe, just maybe, it really will be okay.

*

"It's not even that I want to push Porco away! I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Why can't he just understand where I'm coming from and what I'm trying to do? Isn't he supposed to be my friend?"

Zeke chuckles like he finds the whole thing amusing. It makes Eren a lot more sullen than he should be.

"Stop laughing at me and cheer me up!"

It's been a while since he threw a fit like this. It's been a while since Eren slept over in Zeke's room, demanding to be pampered like a little kid again. And just like always, Zeke spoils him rotten.

"Here we are," Zeke says, handing over the mug of hot chocolate. "No whipped cream this time, I'm afraid."

"Marshmallows," Eren demands.

Zeke laughs and ruffles Eren's hair. "Not today, nope. You should go rest after this. I'm sure Colt wants to talk to you, too."

Eren pouts as he sips his hot chocolate. He really worried everyone, didn't he? And now with Reiner as his excuse, will this really turn out for the better? All he's doing is buying more time with more dishonesty. It feels dirty. But it's not like he can just come out and tell the truth either.

What a pain.

"Once the war is over, I'll get you as many marshmallows as you want in your hot chocolate."

"Then I want you to make it really, really chocolaty," Eren says.

Zeke's brows hit his hairline. "You want it chocolaty _and_ with marshmallows? T-that's a lot of sweets. Even if you like it that much-"

"Chocolaty with marshmallows!" Eren insists. Then after a thought, he decides, "And your choco-chip scones!"

"Pfft... Hahaha! Alright, alright. Your ever reliable big brother will make you the sweetest meal."

A comfortable silence settles between them as the two take the time to sip their respective hot chocolates. Eren can't believe he forgot how relaxing this can be. Just being in the presence of someone he loves, even if they're not talking, feels so soothing.

"How long have you and Reiner... er..."

Scratch that. This isn't soothing at all.

Eren covers his face. "Please don't ask. I don't want to talk about that."

"B-but you guys are being safe and-"

"Don't ask!"

Zeke nods slowly. "R-right... A-and he's not forcing you to do anything you don't want, right?"

If anything, it's more that Eren is coercing Reiner.

"Nothing like that... But if it turned out that I was the one forcing him, are you going to side with him?"

There's a conflicted look on Zeke's face. He seems to think about it carefully before he comes to a decision.

"I'll help you break him so that he will never refuse you."

Eren snorts. "Yeah, no thanks. I'm not looking for a broken toy... It doesn't bother you? That it's Reiner?"

"I won't say that I'm not shocked, because I am. But you really can't control who you'll develop feelings for." Zeke sips his hot chocolate. "But thinking back on it, that guy has always liked you."

... Huh?

"What are you talking about?" Eren asks.

"Did you not notice? Since you guys were Warrior Candidates, he's often watched you."

... Huh? Watched? What's Zeke talking about? Eren is having a hard time wrapping his head around this. Watched? Reiner has been? Wait... Now that Eren thinks about it, Reiner did talk about Eren's personality and nature like Reiner knew it very well. How would someone who has spent a good portion of time away in Paradis know that?

"What a creep," Eren mumbles.

Zeke gives him an exasperated look. "I somehow don't think you have any right to say something like that."

"I have every right!" Eren protests.

"You were the one who never noticed. And you probably wouldn't have even realized that you liked Marcel if we didn't talk about it, either," Zeke sighs. "Eren, sometimes, I worry that you're too dense."

Eren feels his cheeks heat up. "I am plenty sharp! You don't need to worry at all! A-and... I-I would've realized that I liked Marcel... eventually. Probably... S-stop sighing!"

"Poor Reiner."

"Stop pitying him!"

*

True to his word, Zeke sends Eren back to his room once the hot chocolate is finished. Eren quietly sneaks into his shared room with Colt. The lights are off, and it's clear that Colt is sleeping. But what makes Eren pause is that there seems to be a lump under his blanket.

Colt isn't the type to prank people like this. But Eren wouldn't put it past Porco. But would Porco really do something like this after how badly Eren pushed him away? This is most likely not a prank. Then...?

Slowly, Eren reaches for the cover and pulls it off.

There's a soft whine of discomfort from Porco. He was sleeping soundly before Eren rudely pulled the blanket off. Which is all fine and well, except why the hell is this guy sleeping on Eren's bed for? He has his own private room. Why wouldn't he just sleep there like a decent human being?

Porco groggily reaches for the blanket and pauses. He squints. Then he must have realized that Eren is here, because he bolts upright.

If there was light here, Eren is certain that he would see that Porco is blushing.

"T-this isn't-!"

Eren covers his mouth and holds a finger up. "Shhh! Colt's sleeping."

He watches as Porco's eyes glance in the general direction where Colt is before focusing back on Eren. Seeing that Porco is calmer, Eren releases him.

"What are you-"

It seems Porco is not actually calm.

He grabs Eren by the front of his shirt and yanks him down towards the bed. Then he twists around so that Eren ends up on the bed with Porco looming over him. Porco has one of his hand by Eren's head and another by Eren's shoulder. Then the asshole dares to pin Eren's legs down with his own. Now if Eren wants to get away, he'll end up making way too much noise and wake Colt up.

Porco leans way down so that his lips brush against Eren's ear. His breath feels awfully warm against Eren's skin. Eren can't tell if it's Porco's warmth that's heating him up or the sheer embarrassment of being caught this easily.

"Hey," Porco whispers. "We weren't done talking."

"This is... a little excessive for a talk, isn't it?" Eren tries.

Porco scoffs. "Then stop running and answer me. You and Reiner. For how long?"

How lucky that Porco asked such a vague question. Eren can get away with just as equally vague answer.

"Six months ago, before the war was declared and we got firebombed... Udo came running to say that Tommy was stuck under a boulder. When I tried to go, Reiner stopped me. He... looked really cool then."

Eren feels Porco's hand touch his ear. Ah, so that's why Porco's been so focused on his ear. It's to check whether or not Eren is lying.

"You're not lying?" Porco asks in disbelief.

Is it that hard to believe that Eren would find that moment cool? Credit should be given where credit is due. And in that moment, Eren honestly thought that Reiner could be trusted.

"So for six months, you two were..."

The words of protest are at the tip of Eren's tongue. It takes everything he has to not blurt it all out. He needs Porco to think like this. He has already reasoned all of this out. So why does he so irrationally want to tell the truth? Why does it hurt so badly to keep up this lie in front of Porco?

"What about Marcel?"

Eren finds himself freezing at the question. Marcel? Why is Porco bringing up...?

"Now that he's dead, you're just... erasing him?"

His fist has already made contact by the time he realizes what has happened. Porco reels back in shock, and that gives Eren just enough of a leeway to switch their position. But Porco, that asshole, was apparently waiting for that. He uses the momentum from the movement to push the two of them off of the bed.

They crash land on the ground. Eren's left elbow rings in pain. He's certain that Porco's right side is probably aching, too. Except maybe not, since Porco can heal pretty fast? Damn titan healing. At the very least, that's what Eren's going to blame for why Porco recovers faster than him.

Porco pounces. He shoves Eren to the ground, just rough enough to knock the wind out of Eren. And in that second of distraction, he presses his palm under Eren's chin and pushes up, forcing Eren to come up with a strategy without using his teeth. But that's just fine. He still has his legs.

Eren wraps his legs around Porco's shoulders. But it seems Porco knows him just a bit too well. Porco releases the pressure under Eren's chin and redirects it to Eren's neck.

And it's not even that this is something new. They've done this plenty of times during their usual spars.

But for some odd reasons, the grip Porco has on Eren's neck is much tighter than usual.

For some odd reasons, Eren finds it hard to breath.

"P-Porco... I-I c-can't-"

Eren grips Porco's hand, trying to loosen it somehow. What's Porco doing? Does he want to kill Eren? It's hard to breath. Why is Porco always so damned-

He thrashes in an effort to break himself free. But Porco's grip doesn't lax even a bit. Fine. He wants to play it that way? Then Eren will return the favor. He digs his nails into Porco's hand, desperate for just a bit of air. Please. He can't breath. His vision is threatening to go dark. He's struggling to keep his conscious from fading. Damn you, Porco. Why do you always have to be so-

"What are you two doing?!"

Colt's yell is like a bucket of ice water on their faces.

What _are_ they doing?

This can't even be called a spar. They're being much too vicious for that. No, it's much more honest to say that they were aiming to... to?

Weren't they trying to actually hurt each other?

Slowly, they both release their holds. Colt rushes to pull them apart, even though Eren doubts they'll try that again any time soon.

Faintly, Eren is aware that Colt is lecturing at them. But he's too busy gasping for air. Damn it. Why did Porco have to go for his neck, of all things? There was absolutely no need to hold so tightly.

"... Eren? Are you alright?" Colt asks. He moves to be by Eren's side, brows furrowed in clear worry.

Like hell Eren can say that he isn't alright in this situation. Doing that will turn Porco into a villain. And yeah, they were fighting just a few seconds ago, but this is just how they've always done things. They're bad with words, so they let their fists speak for them or whatever. That's all.

"I'm fine," he manages out. "It was just our usual spar, Colt. Don't worry."

Colt looks a second away from protesting. So Eren squeezes his shoulder and grins. It seems to help, because Colt relaxes.

"You guys really startled me this time. Can't you please leave sparing for the morning?"

The door opens and shuts quietly. Colt and Eren glance at each other and then at the closed door. Why did Porco leave without even saying goodbye? Really, this is fine. Porco doesn't have to feel guilty. In the end, it's Eren's fault that this all cropped up anyways.

With a soft sigh, he pats Colt's shoulder and stands up.

"Going after him?" Colt asks him with a wry smile. "When you get back, please be quieter. I want to get some sleep."

"Can't promise anything, I'm afraid."

Colt pretends to sigh dramatically. Then he becomes just a bit serious. "You really are okay, right? It looked serious."

"I'm fine. Thanks, Colt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?
> 
> Is he stupid? Crazy? Why would he do that? Why did he do that? Eren is fragile. He knows that. He _knows _ it. So why did he go against Eren with the intention to kill? 
> 
> His hands are shaking when he looks down at them. This isn't something he can just blame it on his hands either. He did that. This isn't some "I lost control of my body" situation. He knowingly put his hand around Eren's throat to...
> 
> To kill him?
> 
> Did he really want to kill Eren over something as stupid as Eren moving on from Marcel? No, that's not it. That can't be it.
> 
> He's not that pathetic, is he?
> 
> "Porco!"
> 
> That's the only warning he has before he feels Eren's arms wrap around him from behind. Just this simple action makes him feel so much calmer. Just something like this can make Porco feel like things will be okay. That he's overthinking it. He just needs to take a deep breath and relax.
> 
> "Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't mean to push you away. I didn't want to hurt you. I-"
> 
> Porco turns around to face Eren. The movement loosens Eren's grip around him, and those green eyes lock onto Porco in surprise and... Damn it. Why the hell is Eren crying? It's bad enough that Eren's voice is raspy, probably because Porco choked him. The one in the wrong is Porco.
> 
> "Why the hell are you apologizing? I lost my temper. I'm the one who choked you! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-"
> 
> Eren throws his arms around Porco. Porco wonders if he has any right to wrap his arms around Eren.
> 
> "I'm not erasing Marcel. I'm not forgetting him. To be honest, I don't think I can, even if I tried."
> 
> Those words are what he wanted to hear. Eren's arms around him is exactly what he wanted to feel. 
> 
> So why does he have this lump in his throat that makes him feel so damned conflicted? This is simple, isn't it? Eren isn't forgetting Marcel. Eren being with Reiner is... No matter how Porco feels about it, it's a good thing. Eren should move on. Telling his friend to live while clutching to the ghost of his brother isn't the kind of person Porco wants to be nor is that the kind of life he wants for Eren.
> 
> Then why does his chest feel so stuffy? Why does he feel so damned frustrated by everything?
> 
> "I want you to be happy," Porco admits.
> 
> He feels Eren nod. "And I want you to be happy."
> 
> But if Porco in his state of anger stays nearby, wouldn't he continue to do this? Wouldn't he continue to hurt Eren like this? 
> 
> This is what Eren meant when he said that Porco was too dependent on him, isn't it? Maybe it's time that Porco learns how to walk without his friend by his side.
> 
> Slowly, he wraps his arms around Eren. He tightens his hold, trying to get every bit of comfort before he leaves.
> 
> "It's pretty late. Want to sleep over?" Eren asks softly.
> 
> Just one night is fine, isn't it? Tomorrow, he'll properly learn how to be independent. But for tonight, he wants to stay in Eren's arms.
> 
> Just for tonight, please let him pretend that nothing has changed.
> 
> "Yeah. No hogging the blankets this time."
> 
> "You stole them first! Why were you in my bed anyways? You have your own room."
> 
> If Porco says it's because he saw Eren crying in Reiner's arms, it'll ruin the mood, right? If Porco says it's because he thought Eren would spend the night with Reiner and wanted to comfort himself, it would make this finally good mood between them sour.
> 
> "I was planning on a prank but fell asleep."
> 
> "Pfft! That's just like you!"


	10. how yearnful i've been without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention there's going to be misunderstanding and lots of eye-roll worthy rom-drama cliches? Because there will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They don't really learn about each other's sleeping habits until their first overnight mission together. 
> 
> "That's talent right there," Porco says, shaking his head in amazement.
> 
> "Doesn't that hurt?" Reiner wonders as he tilts his head to match Bertolt's strange position.
> 
> "Don't just look and wake him," Marcel scolds them. He shakes Bertolt awake with a lot more gentleness than anyone else uses. Then he glances around. "Where's Eren?"
> 
> Colt and Reiner shrug. Seeing that, Porco snorts.
> 
> "Probably went to sleep with his brother after that nightmare. Maybe he's too embarrassed to face us! Hah!"
> 
> Unlike the rest of them, Zeke was given his own room. Being older sure has its advantages. Not that it means much if Eren snuck off to sleep with him.
> 
> "Don't mock people for their nightmares, Porco," Marcel sighs.
> 
> Porco scowls. "He's the one who was crying in his sleep."
> 
> So the yelling last night was from Eren... Reiner frowns. 
> 
> "Is he missing home?" he wonders out loud.
> 
> The others shrug. "Maybe?"
> 
> "We should cheer him up," Bertolt suggests sleepily.
> 
> Reiner nods. That sounds like a good idea. From what he's seen, Eren has a sweet tooth and likes fluffy things. But it's not like they have any money to buy candy, so that's out. Fluffy things... Aside from picking a stray off the streets, Reiner can't imagine that one working out. Then that leaves...
> 
> His eyes land on Porco.
> 
> "What?" Porco growls, lips drawing into a scowl.
> 
> Marcel elbows him and motions for Reiner to speak. 
> 
> "It'll probably cheer him up if you challenged him to a fight. He likes being active."
> 
> Reiner doesn't know how to read the expression on their faces. But then Marcel smiles like everything is fine.
> 
> "Great idea. Why don't we all have a race then?"
> 
> But there's something a bit strained about the way he says that.
> 
> Reiner wonders if he said something wrong.

Someone's crying.

Eren feels himself tensing. Who the hell made one of his own cry? He's going to give them hell. Just because they're Eldians, they're supposed to be looked down on and left to cry alone? Don't make him laugh.

...

Oh.

He's the one crying, isn't he?

When Eren sleepily opens his eyes and wipes them, he spots Porco watching him with a bored expression on his face.

"Ass," he grumbles. He lightly smacks Porco's arm and quickly wipes his eyes. "Wake me."

Porco sticks his tongue out. "Hell no! You punched me last time I tried!"

"That was like three years ago. Let it go!"

"Must you two fight first thing in the morning?" Colt groans.

Porco and Eren both offer their sheepish apologies. Since they're up anyways, Eren figures he might as well as get ready for the day. He steps out of the warm bed and into the cold morning. On second thought, he kind of wants to retreat back under the covers.

"You've gotten quieter," Porco remarks lightly.

Eren glances at him curiously. "About what?"

"Your nightmares. You don't scream anymore when you have them. Hey, you still don't remember what you dream about?"

"Nope."

And if Porco could please not make it sound like Eren only have nightmares, Eren would be grateful. Yeah, he used to get them a lot when he was a kid. But it's really calmed down since then. He rarely gets them these days as it is. It's just bad luck that Porco happened to be here this time.

"That sucks."

Porco stays huddled under the blankets, this ass. Eren reaches over and yanks it off.

"Get to your room and change!"

"Let me stay for two more minutes! It's warm here!"

"Hell no! If I have to be cold, you do, too!"

"Ass!"

Colt groans. "Guys, please."

Porco and Eren glance at each other and grin. Colt thinks he can get away with staying in the warm bed?

"Hey Colt," Eren calls innocently.

It must have occurred to Colt exactly how dangerous this situation is, because he thrusts a finger towards them.

"Don't you two dare! Don't you two-"

The rest of his threat dissolves into a shriek of disbelief while Porco and Eren howl with laughter. Not only did they steal Colt's blanket, but they've also shoved him off of his bed and onto the cold ground. Colt gives them both a nasty look before launching himself at them.

Eren gets the feeling that today's going to be a good day.

*

Reiner, to his credit, keeps the distance between the two of them the same as always. It lets Eren pretend that yesterday didn't happen.

"We're still doing more drills? Shouldn't we attack them by now?" Porco groans when he hears today's plans from Zeke at breakfast.

"We don't have enough information yet," Zeke says.

Eren mentally winces. That's his fault. Well, it's not his fault that their enemy is comprised of paranoid people. But it is taking him much longer than he'd like. Going home after a year of war seems like a pipe dream now. It'll probably span at least two years or so.

"Good morning!" the children chime as they join in for breakfast.

Udo pauses and stares between Eren and Porco. "Oh, you two made up then?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? We were never fighting," Porco says.

Eren snorts. "Yeah, it was just Porco sulking."

Porco shoots him an annoyed look before stabbing one of Eren's blueberries. Keeping eye contact, he then eats the blueberry with a smirk.

"You monster!" Eren gasps.

It prompts scattered chuckles and relieved looks from the kids. He worried them a lot, huh? Eren wishes he could tell them the truth. But that's not really an option right now.

"You can have my blueberries," Falco offers.

Eren ruffles his hair. "You're the only one who gets me!"

"I-I could give you mine!" Gabi insists.

"Yes, yes. You're both good kids!" Eren says, ruffling her hair.

Udo and Zofia stare at him. So he motions them over, too. He absolutely adores the little giggles that leave their mouths when he ruffles their hair. Once they look satisfied, he releases them to go get their breakfasts.

"It looks more like they trained you," Porco says as he continues to eat Eren's blueberries.

Eren rolls his eyes. He knocks Porco's fork away with his own. "No one asked you, thief."

"Yes, yes. Stop being so stingy."

Porco stabs his own strawberry and holds it up for Eren to eat. This is a trap. This is so clearly a trap. From the way Porco is grinning to the almost casual way he's holding up the strawberry, it all points to the simple fact that this is an obvious trap.

And Eren, it turns out, is a lot more trusting than he let on.

He opens his mouth to eat it.

That asshole immediately moves the strawberry away and into his own mouth. He then smirks smugly at Eren.

"Porco, I demote you from my friend."

Normally, that would've made Porco laugh. Normally, that would be taken as a joke.

But just now, Porco's expression froze.

"H-hey..."

Before Eren can finish speaking, Porco turns his attention away like nothing is wrong. He talks to Colt about breakfast. It's clear that he's doing his utmost best to ignore Eren. That there is a hint. Eren just saw something very important. But he doesn't know how to begin to process it.

"Eren, look! They even have blackberries!" Falco says as he rushes back with his plate of fruits.

Eren will just file this away to ask Zeke about later.

*

They say drills, but in reality, it's a cover for Eren to report to the higher ups, since it'll be suspicious if he alone goes to talk to the Marleyan heads. But if everyone is running drills and looks to the Marleyan heads for orders, it looks pretty natural for Eren to slip over and report back.

"... Still nothing on battles," Magath sighs.

Eren nods. "They won't trust me for things like that for a while yet. And even if they do, it'll probably be some kind of a test."

"A test?" Magath's second asks, looking dumbfounded.

Hey, if you're going to be the second to a Commander, can you please get a brain? If Eren explains to him, he's going to get mad, isn't he? Dealing with Marleyans is always such a pain. He wonders how Zeke can do it so easily.

"It's only natural," Magath says sharply. "We can afford a few calculated loses if we win the major ones."

"But we also can't let them think that we've lost on purpose. It's a fine line to walk," Eren adds.

Magath's second lets out a long sigh. "Just how long is this going to take? We shouldn't have trusted an Eldian for this job."

Then why don't you send a Marleyan and see where that takes you? Eren is rather proud of himself for not snapping. That will doubtlessly get him and his family into trouble that they don't need. Let's see. How does Zeke handle things like this? Right. Smile sheepishly like he has no clue.

"No, Eren is the best person for this job. He's crafty enough to fool them and good on his feet."

Eren feels his eyebrows raise. Is Magath... complimenting him?

Then Magath meets eyes with him, giving him a stern look that's much too familiar. "And if all else fails, he's easily disposed of."

There we go.

That makes more sense.

Eren grins. "Let's hope it won't come to that."

It takes everything he has to not burst out laughing at the annoyed look on Magath's face.

*

To make sure that things don't look suspicious, Eren takes a detour to the Eldian clinic and offers his help. As he suspected, they keep him too busy to think about anything but the work at hand. It's just what he needs to take his mind off of everything and just focus on the now.

"I told you he's here!"

Eren glances over at the young Warrior Candidates who all grin brightly at him.

"How long have you worked? Have you taken a break?"

The doctor in charge gives Eren a small push towards the kids. "Go and keep them company. You've done plenty here, Eren."

"Is that an order, sir?" Eren teases.

The doctor gives him a rueful grin. "Get out of here, you brat."

"Yes sir!"

*

"What did you guys do for today?" Eren asks the kids.

"Drills. Boring stuff," Udo says. "What did you do?"

"Packing first aid. Looking over some charts. More boring stuff."

Gabi makes a face. "This war business sure is dull."

"That's a good thing," Eren reminds her.

They must have thought about what happened six months ago. The kids look down at their feet. Shoot. Eren shouldn't have said that. What can he do to lift their mood up again?

"But you know, if this keeps up, they might let us go home in shifts."

As he had hoped, the kids look at him with wide eyes of excitement.

"We can go home?" Zofia asks.

Eren nods. "Just for a short while. Since they don't need all of us right now, it'll be like short vacation time."

"Would I be able to go home with Colt?" Falco asks uncertainly.

"We'll request it. I can't imagine it'll be too much trouble for them to arrange."

Eren just hopes that the Marleyans don't purposefully mis-schedule it to screw over the Grice brothers. His guess is that he won't be allowed to take any kind of rest, since they don't know when a meeting might happen. In his steed, he hopes that these kids can see their family.

"Ah, it's Reiner," Gabi says. She tilts her head to the side, confused. "What's he doing?"

Eren really doesn't want to turn to see what Reiner is doing. In fact, he would much prefer if they could take a different route and go anywhere that Reiner isn't. But he thinks that's much too petty to the guy that he's coercing into helping him out.

With a soft sigh, he turns to look.

And yeah.

What the hell is Reiner doing?

At a quick glance, it just looks like Reiner is just casually walking in place. But he keeps looking around to make sure no one is watching. When he thinks that the coast is clear, he turns to the wall next to him and tries to... jump? The wall is about 2.5 meters tall, so it's just a bit high for Reiner to peek over without jumping. Actually, it's starting to look like Reiner's jumps are not high enough to look over the walls.

"Did he accidentally throw something on top of the wall?" Udo guesses.

"Pfft... Hahahaha! What a loser!" Eren laughs.

Falco elbows him and gives him a chiding look. Eren tries to look innocent, but the kids all give him a dirty look. Tch. What's wrong with him having some fun?

"Let's help him," Zofia says.

From the way they're all looking to him, he gets the feeling that he's the one who's supposed to do all the work. They're not going to let him out of this, are they?

"We're all members of the Warrior Division," Falco says quietly.

Great. Now they're throwing his words back in his face. Why are these kids so damned kind?

Eren rubs the back of his neck. "Alright, alright. I get it."

Reiner better not make this into a big deal.

"Hey! Reiner! You need help there?"

No surprise. Reiner flinches violently and spins towards them with wide eyes. His face turns beet red as he stutters to defend himself. Eren and the kids approach him so they don't have to keep yelling to talk.

"What you lose?" Eren asks.

Reiner hesitates for a second longer before he takes a step towards them and lowers his voice.

"There's a cat. I think it might be stuck."

The kids all turn to Eren with pleading eyes. And look, even if they didn't turn to look at him like that, he was planning to help, alright?

"Reiner, help me up."

There's no need to look at Eren so shocked. It's not a lie that Reiner is much bigger than Eren, so why wouldn't he ask for help?

"Y-you don't mind?" Reiner asks.

Eren raises a brow. "The hell's that supposed to mean?"

"M-me... t-touching you. Is it okay?"

On one hand, Eren understands where he's coming from. It's not like Eren wants Reiner to come anywhere near him either. But this is for the sake of rescuing a cat. Eren's willing to swallow his pride.

Is Reiner?

"We're trying to save a cat, remember?" He says. "It's for the cat. Are you going to help me or not?"

After a second's hesitation, Reiner nods firmly. He approaches Eren and...

Huh?

This dumbass...

Why the hell is he lifting Eren in a bridal carry for?!

"Are you... stupid?" Eren finds himself asking. "How the hell does this help anyone?"

Reiner frowns. "I'm... lifting you...?"

"No! You... Ahhh! You're such a pain!"

Eren thrashes until Reiner puts him back down. Then he holds his hands together with his fingers interlaced. He motions for Reiner to do the same. Once Reiner does so, Eren lowers Reiner's hands so that he can easily step on it.

"Oh!" Reiner mumbles. "I get you."

Took him long enough. Porco would've been able to figure it out from seeing the wall.

"Alright. Ready?"

Reiner nods.

Eren steps on Reiner's interlaced hands. In that second, Reiner gives him the boost needed to let Eren jump up and reach the top of the wall. Eren pulls himself up to the top with ease from there. The other side of the wall is a cliff side leading to the ocean. This wall was probably put here to prevent anyone from falling off on accident, but Eren finds that such a shame. The view from top of this wall at the ocean is breathtaking.

The ocean stretches on beyond the horizon and further on. It reflects the bright and sunny sky, only disturbed by the crashes of waves against the cliff side below him. Seen like this, it feels almost like he's seeing the endless possibilities of the future laid out before him. The world is so impossibly vast.

And this future is not something an Eldian can grasp.

The endless possibilities is not something meant for them.

A soft meow snaps him out of his thoughts.

Eren glances over to his left and sees the cat that Reiner mentioned. It looks to Eren curiously. But when Eren reaches for it, it quickly darts away. If it's that skittish, then it'll probably be for the best that Eren doesn't pay it any attention.

Taking a deep breath, Eren looks out at the ocean once more. If he peeks at the cat, it'll know his true intentions. He just have to fool it long enough to get it to approach. That means he needs to show it that he's not interested in it at all.

There's a seagull flying over pretty close the water over there. Did it find something? Eren wonders if the water is cold. Judging from the distance of the cliff to the water, he'll most definitely be impaled by the rocks below if he were to try to jump into the water for a swim. What a gorey death. No wonder this wall was put into place. They probably got tired of cleaning up bodies.

He feels something tentatively brush against his leg. But it's not time yet. Eren won't look at the cat just yet.

Later, he should bring Colt and Porco here. It'll be pretty cool to watch the sunrise together. He doesn't think it'll be easy to get the kids up here, so that's probably out. Maybe he should look for a safer place to watch the sunrise from? But the point is to feel the exhilaration of seeing something so beautiful where if you were to fall, you'd end up dead, isn't it?

... Perhaps he shouldn't bring Colt.

With a soft meow, the cat climbs into Eren's lap.

Perfect.

He grabs the cat by the scruff of its neck, preventing it from running away. The cat hisses, possibly angry. But Eren just grins at it.

"Let's get down, alright? Yo, Reiner! Hold your hand out."

Eren leans over the safe side of the wall and holds the cat out for Reiner to take. The distance between where the cat is and where Reiner's hands reach is short enough that Eren doesn't hesitate to drop the cat. What he didn't expect is for the cat to take this chance to try and escape.

It lands on Reiner's hands for a second before it tries to jump away. But because Reiner tried to grab it at the same time it tried to jump, it ends up smacking straight into Reiner's face.

"Pfft.... Hahahahaha! Reiner, you look ridiculous!"

*

"Eren! Eren!" Colt screams as he bolts for him.

"Huh? What? What happened?"

His words are swallowed up as Colt throws his arms around him, yelling incomprehensibly. Eren turns to the kids for help, but they're all preoccupied with the cat to care about Colt. Reiner just gives him a helpless shrug.

"Colt, calm down and talk. What?"

With tears in his eyes, Colt begins to shake Eren by the shoulders. "Porco! That bastard! He did it! He asked out a girl!"

"E-eh...?"

*

Porco has an embarrassed flush on his face as he scowls at all of them over dinner.

"Stop staring at me!" he snaps.

"But you asked out a girl!" Colt repeats. He slams his hands on the table for emphasis. "You! Porco! Asked! Out! A! Girl!"

"You're annoying!"

Eren tries to focus on the meal in front of him. But he doesn't have any appetite. His brain registers that the food before him is warm and smells delicious. In fact, this is probably more fancy a meal that they're getting here than they would ever at home. But his tongue can't seem to taste it. His stomach can't seem to accept the food.

Perhaps he caught a cold while being at the top of the wall? Why else would he not be hungry?

"Who is this girl you asked out?" Pieck asks, looking amused.

Porco's flush darkens. "S-she's no one special."

"She's the girl that he couldn't stop staring at before! Uh... It was what? Six months ago? When we were first deployed? Before the bombing. Eren, remember? Porco kept staring at this one girl?"

"Oh, the soldier, right?" Eren manages uneasily.

Colt nods. "That one. It just so happened she was at the drills today! It's like the world is saying 'It's fate! You two are meant to be!' Ughhhh.... I'm really happy for you, but I'm also frustrated! Why was it you first?"

"Wait, wait. Colt, you're leaving out the most important part of the story. Did she say yes?" Pieck asks.

"Oh, did I not mention that?"

You really didn't.

"Of course, she said yes!" Colt laughs. "Who in their right mind would reject a Warrior?"

Porco scowls. "Are you saying that if I wasn't a Warrior, she wouldn't have said yes?"

"Well, I mean... it's you, Porco. Other than Eren and me, I doubt anyone would willingly put up with you."

"Shut up! I'm plenty of a good catch!"

Normally, Eren would laugh. Normally, he would jump in on teasing Porco. Normally...

He puts his fork down.

Quietly so he won't disturb this merry mood, he leaves.

*

What is this feeling? He has no word for it.

His chest feels heavy. Almost like something or someone is pressing down against it. But he knows that there's nothing there. Absolutely nothing is physically touching him. So it has to be all in his head. But why?

Why does he feel like this?

Is it a cold? But it's not like any colds that he's had before. So he doesn't think it's some kind of an illness. They've also been stationed here for the past two months, so this can't be because he's in a new place. Given that, what is this feeling?

Seeing that it's started since Colt told Eren about Porco's new girlfriend, could it be related to that?

But what about this situation is bothering him? If Porco finds someone to love, isn't that a good thing? Porco is enjoying his short life. Finding someone to fall in love with is something that all books say is a good thing. So this is a good thing. Porco having a girlfriend is good.

So why does his chest feel so heavy? Why does he feel so frustrated? Why does he want to desperately to throw a fit like a little kid?

"That's just like you."

Eren wants to cover his ears. But even if he does that, this idiot before him will most definitely not get the hint. How annoying.

"What do you want, Reiner?"

He's outside of their current headquarter with his back against the building. Reiner leans against the wall, looking at Eren. No intention of leaving any time soon, huh?

Annoying.

"I was worried because you suddenly left without saying anything. Are you feeling unwell?"

Go away. Eren wants to be left alone. He's struggling to figure out how he's feeling as it is. He doesn't want to try and explain his confusion to someone else.

"It didn't look like you ate much either. You seemed okay when we were getting the cat so-"

"Stop talking," Eren says.

Reiner falls into silence for a few seconds. Then he opens his stupid mouth again.

"Is it because of Porco?"

Damn it. Why can't he just stay quiet? Is that so hard to do? Eren wants to mull over his thoughts in peace. He doesn't want to interact with other people.

Reiner stays silent for few more seconds. Then he moves to squat before Eren.

"You know... Bertolt was always quietly by my side in those long years in Paradis. It felt so natural that I never really questioned it. No, it's more honest to say that I took it for granted. Sometimes, I feel like if I look over my shoulder, he'll be right there."

Eren doesn't want to hear this.

He doesn't need Reiner's pity. He doesn't need Reiner to act like they're friends. He just-

"There were so many things that I should have said. But because I was arrogant in my belief that he'll always be there, I didn't. The 'I'm sorry's for dragging him and Annie through that. The 'Thank you's for sticking with me... I never got the chance to say anything at all."

Reiner tries to smile, but it looks strained. Just what is this guy trying to do? Eren doesn't understand his actions at all. What's the point of this story? Or is he so lonely now that he doesn't care who listens as long as he can talk? If the latter, then can't he just talk to Pieck or someone with infinite patience?

"So you should go talk to Porco. Instead of sulking alone here like this, talk to him. Say everything you need to say. Otherwise, neither of you will be satisfied."

Eren opens his mouth but finds that he doesn't really know what to say. He wordlessly closes it and stares at Reiner for a beat.

"If you're curious as to why I'm doing this, rest assured, it's not for you. It's for me. For me and Bertolt. A selfish want to atone for the past. And if that's not enough of a reason for you, then think of it as a thank you for helping me rescue the cat."

Eren wonders what expression he has on his face.

Because Reiner's smile just became a lot more natural.

*

Eren waits until it's late. Or perhaps it's better to say that it's early in the morning? He's not sure. At the very least, the sun should be coming up in half an hour or so.

He leaves Colt a written note in case they don't come back in time for breakfast.

Then he goes to Porco's room.

*

"Ugh. It's so cold. What the hell do you want to talk about this late? ... Early? What time is it anyways? The sun isn't even up," Porco grumbles as he follows Eren towards the wall.

"C'mon, we're going to miss it if you keep slowing us down!"

Porco groans but picks up his pace anyways. "Just what could you have possibly have found that's oh-so-amazing?"

"You'll know when you see it!"

"Ugh. You're so not cute."

*

It's just as Eren predicted.

The minute they get to the wall and Eren turns to Porco, Porco gives him a judging look before interlacing his fingers together. He prepares to help Eren up the wall without a single word from Eren. This is why Porco is so...

Eren charges forward. Porco braces himself and helps propel Eren up to the top of the wall. From there, Eren reaches down to help pull Porco up. The minute Porco sees the ocean, his lips pull into a grin.

"So that's your aim."

The two of them situate themselves at the top of the wall, staring out at the ocean. It's colder than Eren expected. Even though he has his jacket on, he still feels a chill. Maybe he should have borrowed a thermos from Zeke with something hot to drink. He definitely shouldn't have come with just a jacket. Even a blanket would have been better than this.

"Hey," Porco says, motioning for Eren to come closer.

He unzips his jacket and holds it open for Eren. Of course, Eren doesn't refuse such hospitality. He snuggles in as Porco does his best to wrap the jacket around both of them to keep them as warm as he can. The jacket doesn't zip all the way, which makes sense. But Eren's left leg is flushed against Porco's right. And at the very least, their warmth pooled together like this is much better than sitting shivering and alone.

"Your hair is cold. Don't put it next to my face," Porco complains.

"What? What's that? You want to smell my shampoo?" Eren teases as he tries to shove his head towards Porco's face.

"Ass."

Eren giggles.

The two settle into a comfortable silence as they stare out into the ocean. It's peaceful like this. Almost like there's no one else in the world except for the two of them together. And would that be so bad? If the world was comprised of just the two of them. If this quiet moment between them could stretch on forever...

"I thought about it a lot," Porco says suddenly.

Eren shifts so he can stare at Porco's face. Porco meets eyes with him.

"You, thinking? Uh-oh."

"Shut it." Then after a second's hesitation, Porco continues with, "What you said before... about me being too dependent on you? I thought a lot about it."

No, that was... Eren bites his words back before he says something that will harm the mission. But already, he's regretting this decision. He's regretting that entire night. He regrets saying those words.

"And you're right. I depend on you. I don't know when it started, but if you're not by my side, I... feel antsy. Yesterday, too. I really hurt you badly when you finally told me the truth. And today... I saw you and Reiner. You looked really happy laughing with him, and I realized that if I keep depending on you and forcing you to stay with me, you'll just end up unhappy."

Today? What...? Oh, does he mean because of the cat? That was because the cat landed on Reiner's face. It was the circumstances that was funny. It wasn't because Eren particularly enjoyed being with Reiner. But can he say that? Can he really say that without accidentally blurting out the truth?

Damn this mission. Why the hell does he have to turn into a liar for the sake of Marley?

"I don't want to hurt you like I did ever again. So I'll become independent. I won't rely on you as much. So Eren, be happy."

There's a lump in his throat that makes it hard to swallow. Eren doesn't know how to approach this. What should he say? How should he respond? Magath said he was good on his feet and that's why he was chosen for the spying mission. But Eren honestly doesn't know what to do right now.

Why does his chest ache so much?

"Hey? Say something," Porco says. "D-don't leave me hanging. It's awkward."

"Does being with that girl make you happy, Porco?"

Ah.

Porco's face is red. Porco looks away from Eren, clearly embarrassed. Porco really likes her, huh?

It becomes so hard to breath. His chest... No, this is his heart. His heart hurts. He doesn't understand why he feels like this. This is clearly just a consequence of his own actions and words. If he didn't want this to have happened, he should've picked his words more carefully. He should have...

Why does he even feel like this anyways?

He should feel happy for Porco. He should feel happy that Porco's love is reciprocated. He should feel happy that Porco will take a step away enough to give him time to figure out the whole spying mission.

This is a good thing.

That's what he should focus on.

"I'm happy for you," he manages out as the sun begins to rise over the horizon. And, to make sure that he sounds sincere, he grins as brightly as he can. "I should've said this earlier, but congratulations."

Porco glances at him, looking like a second away from saying something. But he doesn't. Instead, his eyes find Eren's. Eren thinks that Porco might be searching for something. But Eren doesn't know what. What is it that Porco is looking for? If he wants to check whether or not Eren is lying, he should be looking at Eren's ears.

So then what is Porco searching for in Eren's eyes?

By looking into each other's eyes like this, what are they trying to get from each other?

He's not too sure.

But there's something quite comforting about staring into Porco's eyes as the darkness of the night is chased away by a brand new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He said he was going to be independent. 
> 
> He said he was going to give Eren this distance. So that Eren won't ever be hurt again.
> 
> So why is he longing for Eren again?
> 
> Why are his eyes scouring through the drills to find Eren? Why does he feel so anxious to find him? Why does the thought that Eren might be with Reiner right now make him feel so...
> 
> "Looking for your girlfriend?" Pieck asks with a delighted smile.
> 
> R-right. He has a girlfriend now. He... He should be focused on her. Damn it. He can't be a bad boyfriend already. Stop bothering Eren. Eren deserves to be happy.
> 
> "S-something like that," he mumbles.
> 
> Pieck giggles. "Let me help you look! What did you say her name is?"
> 
> ... Huh? Did... he ever ask her for her name? Now that he thinks about it, all he knows about her is how she looks. Ugh. How shallow is he? He fell for her because of her golden hair. Yeah, he knows that she's part of their Volunteer Army. But... what does he actually know about her?
> 
> It seems Pieck has figured out the answer from the elongated silence. The smile on her face falls.
> 
> "Pock? Do you... not know her name?"
> 
> "I-I just... forgot to ask her."
> 
> There's a look on her face that he doesn't want to know what it means. He shakes his head. 
> 
> "Whatever. It's fine. I'll just ask her when I see her next."
> 
> "What's Eren's favorite book?"
> 
> Porco raises a brow. Why's she asking something so random?
> 
> "_Skeleton Island._ It's the third installation of a treasure hunter series, _Golden Hunt._ Eren outgrew that series, but that third one is his favorite because Marcel got it for him for his seventh birthday."
> 
> Pieck nods slowly. "And what's his favorite song?"
> 
> "Huh? His mom's lullaby. Duh. C'mon, everyone knows that one."
> 
> "His favorite-"
> 
> "Pieck," Porco interrupts, "What are you trying to get at?"
> 
> She makes a vague motion in the air. "Don't you think it's... kind of weird that you know all of this about Eren but not anything about the girl you asked out?"
> 
> "I've known Eren all my life. I literally just talked to this girl twice. Give me time to get to know her."
> 
> He doesn't like the way she looks so doubtful. And look, he gets it. He's shallow as hell for picking this girl. But he's going to be a good boyfriend. He's going to be independent from Eren.
> 
> Just you watch.


	11. how lost i've been without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reiner doesn't often get the chance to be alone with Eren. It's not due to anything he's doing or outside interference. It's just that Eren is always surrounded by people.
> 
> If Marcel and Porco are not by Eren's side, it's Zeke. If it's not, it's Colt. If not, then Annie. Then Pieck. Then the other kids of the Liberio internment zone. Then...
> 
> "Oh, we're partners?" Eren asks.
> 
> He doesn't sound all that enthused, not that Reiner blames him. Eren probably hasn't forgiven him for taking the Armored Titan and the last Warrior position. At least, this is only a small drill they'll be working together and not a real mission. So it should be relatively painless. 
> 
> "L-let's work hard together," Reiner says, feeling more uncertain than he should. He's a Warrior, for pity's sake. He should be the one taking the lead.
> 
> Eren rolls his eyes. "I'm not going to bite you. Relax."
> 
> Somehow, Reiner feels awfully disappointed by that.
> 
> The drill goes without a single hitch to the point that Reiner feels confident that they make a pretty good team together. Sure, they don't talk much outside of what's strictly necessary. And it's mainly Eren giving orders and Reiner clumsily rushing to obey. But they finished the drill before anyone else. That means that they're a great team, right?
> 
> "Yo Porco! How was it working with Zeke?" Eren laughs when Zeke and Porco arrives next.
> 
> "Your brother is terrifying!" Porco exclaims. He must have belatedly realized that Zeke can hear him, because he blushes and lowers his voice. "But he's also really cool."
> 
> "Isn't he? Zeke's the coolest!"
> 
> "Nuh-uh! Marcel is!"
> 
> That.
> 
> "Marcel! How was working with Colt?" Eren and Porco asks with huge grins on their faces as they rush to Marcel's side when Marcel and Colt returns. 
> 
> That.
> 
> Reiner wants that.
> 
> That bright grin on Eren's face as he greets his friends. That excited warmth Eren shows to those he loves. Not the clinical or professional way Eren treated Reiner during their drill together. Not the cold and detached way Eren pushes Reiner away. 
> 
> What should he do to earn that kind of warmth? That kind of friendship?
> 
> What should he do with this crippling loneliness in his heart?

"Huh? Their weakness?" Eren asks, raising a brow like he doesn't actually care.

Inside, he's sweating bullets again. What should he say? What should he do? One wrong word and he could potentially end up dooming his friends and brother. Should he lie? But what if they already know the truth and are just testing him? What is the best possible way out of this?

Their eyes feel so hostile on him as he pretends to chuckle like he finds the whole situation funny. But really, he wants to do anything but laugh.

"They're monsters! You think they have a weakness? They heal everything from having their limbs blown off to having their heart stabbed. If it wasn't for the fact that they die in 13 years, I'd be tempted to inherit it myself."

Ah, just now. The temperature in the room dropped, didn't it? That's not the answer they wanted to hear. But like hell Eren will give away that their napes are vulnerable. Even if these people don't have the technology to blast through a titan's hardened nape, it's possible that it's only a matter of time that they do. Given that, it'll be far better to stay far away from this topic.

"No, no. You're going about this the wrong way. If you want to find their weakness, you have to look for mental or emotional ones."

They're looking at him like he's a monster. And to be honest, he doesn't blame them.

What the hell is he saying? He's risking the Warriors' mental and emotional well-being in order to save their lives? Is he stupid? This isn't better. This is horrible. This is-

"Tell me, how long will it take for the next anti-titan weapon to be ready for action?"

There's a tense silence. They probably don't want to tell him anything, even if they knew.

Eren pretends that that's part of his prediction and scoffs. "Exactly. Instead of waiting however many more years for a technology that might not even work, go after the Warriors when they're human."

It's only after those words leave his mouth that he realizes that they'll never go along with this.

These people (and everyone else) do not see Eldians as humans.

That's why they defaulted to a monstrous weapon as their silver bullet.

They will never agree to this.

"But since you're insisting on this, I suppose I have some homework to do," he says, sighing dramatically like he finds all of this a pain.

"Shouldn't you already know their weakness?" comes the predictable complaint.

"Ah yes, I'm sure my dearest brother will love to tell me how to kill him in his sleep. That way, when he suddenly and mysteriously dies, the Marleys won't come after me and my family. Be reasonable. The Marleys kept a tight lid on this on purpose. A fodder Warrior Candidate wouldn't be given such high level information."

He can't figure out if he took a step away from their trust or towards it.

Damn it. This is so frustrating.

*

"Hey."

Eren glances at the man approaching him once the meeting is over. Izan. He often stays back in these meetings, but there are times when others look to him when things get tense. He obviously has power, but the people here are adamant on not letting Eren know. In this situation, should he play dumb? Or should he reveal a bit of cards that he hold?

With a fake smile plastered on his face, Eren decides on taking a risk.

"What can I do for you... Mr. Izan, if I recall correctly?"

There's a shocked pause. As Eren suspected. He wasn't supposed to know about this man's importance. Now how will this change the way they treat him?

"I don't remember introducing myself to you."

"Call it a life-saving skill I've learned. I don't like letting any detail escape me."

The man's lip curve into a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "My, and this isn't enough to get the weakness of the Warriors?"

"Unfortunately, there are some things that even I am helpless in," Eren says with a shrug like he doesn't care. "Or I suppose that's just how important that information is to the Warriors and Marley alike to hide."

That must have been a good enough reason, because Izan doesn't immediately dismiss it. Now then to redirect the conversation...

"What was it that you wanted from little old me?"

Izan stares at him blankly for a second more, possibly calculating Eren's worth, before grinning. Well, to call it a grin might be too humanizing. It looks more like a demonic pull of the lips to show off his teeth. It's quite animalistic. And isn't that a funny thought? This person before him look more like the "non-human" monsters that everyone claims Eldians are.

"I'm curious as to see exactly what your reach is. Won't you participate in this small experiment?"

*

15 non-Marleyans.

It'll be one story if they wanted him to sneak 15 Eldians into the Eldian Volunteer Army. But they expect him to sneak 15 non-Marleyans into the military?

This clearly reeks of a test. But what are they trying to find out? If he does it flawlessly without any issues, they'll know that he has help from the Marleys. So that's clearly out. Purposefully getting caught for doing something like this would make it too obvious when the Marleys don't get rid of him or his family. Then he needs to try something on a smaller scale...

"Oh, Eren! You're back!"

Of all the rotten...

Did he really have to run into Reiner on the way back to the headquarters?

Eren turns to scowl at the guy, who dares to grin brightly at him. Huh? Wait a minute. Reiner's nose, ears, and cheeks are flushed. His eyes are slightly wet. And from the way he shivers just slightly...

Has this guy been waiting for Eren outside? But why?

As soon as the question enters his mind, he realizes the answer. It's because Reiner agreed to work with him, isn't it? Since it'll be suspicious for Reiner to be around the headquarters when Eren left, this guy took the chance to leave, too. That way, it'll be seen as if the two of them were out together, even if they really weren't.

The anger and frustration at seeing the guy melts away somewhat. Without thinking, Eren reaches over and touches Reiner's forehead. It's cold. Just how long did he stand outside for? Why didn't he find some place inside to hide in? Why does Reiner always have to be so stupid?

"E-Eren...?" Reiner asks, voice tinged with hope. His face flushes even redder.

Eren sighs and rubs the back of his neck. Jeesh, way to make a guy feel guilty.

"Follow me."

*

Eren takes Reiner to the kitchen of the headquarters. The least he can do, he figures, is to make hot chocolate or something to warm the guy up. He picks up a log and starts up the fire in the fireplace. Then he prepares the kettle with water. Like hell he'll waste delicious (and expensive) milk on Reiner.

"A-are you going to make me something? You don't have to if you don't want to," Reiner says.

Then why the hell do you sound so hopeful, you idiot?

"Shut up. It's not for you. I'm making myself something warm to drink. And if it just so happens that I make extra, you can have the leftovers. It's for me."

Eren sets the kettle over the fire and glances at Reiner. Ugh. Someone that big shouldn't smile that shyly. It's disgusting. Eren could've done without seeing that.

Shaking his head, Eren turns his attention to look for any kind of hot chocolate powder. Is there none in here? But he really doesn't want to ask Zeke for the delicious ones in Zeke's room that his brother has collected carefully through the years whenever he went out on missions, all for Eren. He doesn't want to share those with Reiner. But if there's none here...

"Hey Reiner, do you want to ask Zeke for coco powder or do you want to stay here to watch the fire?"

"I'll watch the fire. I'm... not sure if Zeke would give me any, even if I ask in your name."

That's a fair point.

Eren nods. "Alright. Protect that kettle with your life."

"Understood!" Reiner says, giving him a mock salute.

There must be something seriously wrong with him for wanting to laugh like they're friends.

*

"Zeke, can I have some coco powder?"

Eren peeks into his brother's room and pauses when he sees his brother hold up a finger for a moment. Zeke finishes writing what he needs to before looking up with a smile.

"Should I heat up some milk for you?"

"Nah. I have water prepared in the kitchen. But I couldn't find any powder... What are you writing? Letter to dad?"

Zeke chuckles and shows him the official document requesting vacation days. "Not quite. I figured we should start requesting it now. Maybe we'll be able to go home for the holidays."

Eren wonders if he'll be allowed that break. But he probably can't let Zeke know that.

"That'll be nice. Do you think Grandma will make that pink fluff? The really sweet one?"

"I'm sure she'll be happy to make it if you ask," Zeke says. He moves to get Eren's favorite brand he always bring whenever they're out on missions together.

"No, not that one. The cheap stuff is fine."

Zeke turns to him in surprise. "Oh, are you not drinking this with Colt and Porco?"

"Nope. Just... thanking Reiner."

There's a conflicted look on Zeke's face that Eren doesn't really want to deal with.

"I think it's fine to give him the better one. You're thanking him."

Zeke pauses when he sees the expression on Eren's face. His brother shakes his head and sighs.

"Poor Reiner."

"Stop pitying him!"

*

Reiner, this idiot, is asleep when Eren returns. So much for guarding the kettle with his life. But he at least had enough sense to pour the hot water into mugs so that the water doesn't all evaporate. Eren doesn't want to explain to the kitchen staff why the kettle became burnt in the morning.

He sets the tin of coco powder on the table and goes to wake Reiner.

It looks uncomfortable sitting on the chair like that by the fire. At least, it's probably warm. But Eren can't imagine it's good for Reiner's neck... Oh, right. He can just heal that. Still... Even knowing that, Eren finds it hard to just walk away.

"Hey, I'm not going to carry you to your room."

No response.

"Reiner! Hey!"

Eren nudges Reiner's chair. It earns him a small mumble of discomfort but no sign of waking up. Annoying. He doesn't want to kick the chair, since the point is to thank Reiner and not make him suffer. But he doesn't exactly feel all that obligated to wake him up either. Maybe he should just make the hot chocolate and leave it for Reiner?

That's good enough, right? It's not like they're friends.

He takes his time to make hot coco, glancing at Reiner periodically. It looks like Reiner might be having a nightmare. His brows are furrowed, and he keeps whimpering. And it's not like Eren owes the guy anything (Actually, he probably does, since Reiner is covering for him), but it's in bad taste to leave someone having a nightmare alone.

At the very least, Eren would want someone to wake him if he were having a nightmare.

This isn't for Reiner, he tells himself. This is for himself. Something like building good karma for the future. So maybe Porco will actually wake him up next time if he has a nightmare instead of just watching him sleep like the sadist that he is.

"Hey," Eren says, gently touching Reiner's shoulder.

Reiner jerks awake.

He grips Eren's hand as he looks around wildly, searching for the monsters from his nightmare. Eren hates just how much of himself he sees reflected in Reiner's frightened eyes. So he does the only thing that makes sense. He covers Reiner's eyes with his free hand.

"It was a dream, Reiner. You're fine."

There's a tense pause before Reiner forces himself to take a deep breath. It seems to relax him somewhat, so Eren moves his hand away from Reiner's eyes. Eren doesn't like how bright Reiner's eyes are trained on him. It looks too much like he's being thanked for something that he doesn't deserve.

He looks away.

"Hey, let go of my hand."

"R-right. Sorry."

"The hot coco is ready. It's going to get cold if we wait any longer."

Without waiting for Reiner's response, Eren turns his focus to the drink.

*

There is not enough coco powder.

It occurs to Eren belatedly as he's drinking what seems to be mildly flavored hot water that because he's so used to letting Zeke make hot coco for him, he has no idea how to make it himself. On one hand, Reiner hasn't said anything. But on the other, he really doesn't want to give the impression that he's stingy or that this is how he thanks people. Even if it's just Reiner, it doesn't sit right with him.

"Hey, give me your mug."

Reiner looks curious as he hands it over. But his face falls when he sees Eren open the tin for more coco powder.

"I... don't need anymore. That's expensive, right? This is fine. You don't have to-"

"Shut up. It tastes like shit. There's nothing fine about this," Eren growls. He picks up the spoon he used before to scoop a more decent amount to put in.

Reiner dares to put his hand over Eren's to prevent him from putting the spoonful of coco powder in their mugs.

"No, really. I insist. I don't need any more," Reiner says with a forced smile on his face.

Eren tries to free his hand by yanking it out of Reiner's grip. And because Reiner is a weak-willed idiot instead of a fighter like Porco, Reiner immediately releases Eren's hand. Eren, of course, expected more of a fight. This unpredictability ends up with the spoonful of coco powder thrown in Eren's face.

"O-oh! I-I'm so sorry! E-Eren, are you alright?!"

You mean aside from a blow dealt to his pride and Zeke's wallet?

The reason why his eyes are watering is because he has coco powder in his eyes. Got it? It has nothing to do with the frustration of losing what could have been another mugful to this most infuriating idiot that Eren has the bad luck to meet. It has absolutely nothing to do with the mounting irritation of the situation at hand.

Fuck. This is humiliating.

He shakes off the powder the best he can, hoping against hope that Reiner doesn’t see his watery eyes.

"Eren?"

Fuck.

Because Eren didn't answer him, Reiner has gotten out of his seat and is now hovering uncomfortably close. Damn this guy. Why can't he just sit still and wait patiently for Eren instead? Or at least be a decent enough human to not get this terribly close? Eren doesn't need his goddamn pity.

Eren puts his hand on Reiner's chest to try and push him away.

"Don't lean in so close. I'm fine."

"B-but you're... you're crying..."

"Shut up! Get away from-"

"Hey Eren! Zeke said you had hot coco..."

Whatever else Colt was going to say is gone within seconds. The bright grin on his friend's face disappears and is replaced at first by confusion and then rage. Just a step behind him is Pieck, whose expression is frozen at the sight before her. And behind them is a girl that Eren has yet to meet. The blonde girl that Eren recognizes all too well as the one that is now dating Porco.

And Porco...

Porco kicks Reiner off of Eren without any clever remark. That’s the only reason why Eren knows that this is serious. And as if to prove Eren’s fears true, Porco rain down punches without any qualms. And Reiner, that idiot, lets Porco be. Reiner turns himself into a punching bag, even though that's not...

Damn it all.

Colt and Pieck rush to Eren's side, but this is really not what it looks like. He needs to calm that wild look in these two's eyes, but more than that, he has to stop Porco. He can't pretend to be a victim when it was just... dumb luck.

"Porco, that's enough."

But it seems that Porco is too caught up to hear him.

Damn it all.

Eren grabs Porco from behind, wrapping his arms around Porco's middle to pull him away from Reiner. He feels Porco tense in his arms. But Porco has stopped hitting Reiner, so that's a victory, right? Reiner is covered with mild steam. And damn, just how hard did Porco hit when it's only been a few seconds at most?

"That's enough," Eren repeats softly.

Porco doesn't look like he's satisfied. But he relaxes to let Eren know that he'll stop. When Eren releases him, Porco turns to him.

"Are you alright?" Porco asks with more venom in his voice than is strictly necessary. 

"I'm fine-"

"You're crying. You're not fine. What the hell did that asshole do?"

"Nothing. I'm fi-"

Porco grabs Eren by the shoulders. "Stop defending him."

It's only then that Eren realizes how badly Porco is shaking. It's only then he realizes just how hard Porco is working on holding his anger back. It's only then he realizes the worry in Porco's eyes.

This is so awkward.

"Porco," Eren says, struggling to keep his voice even. "I spilled coco powder on myself. It got in my eyes. Reiner was being his stupid self and tried to help when I didn't need it. Whatever you think just happened, it didn't."

He feels his face get hot with embarrassment. But he keeps his eye contact with Porco to try and convince him of his honesty. Porco's eyes flicker to Eren's ears. Eren doesn't know what Porco saw there, but it must have been fine, because Porco sighs.

"I don't remember you being so clumsy," he says, releasing Eren.

It seems that now that his worry has melted away, he's starting to get annoyed. Yeah, well, how do you think Eren feels, Porco?

"Tell me about it," Eren grumbles.

Then he turns to the others, who still look like they don't believe Eren's words. Not to mention Porco's girlfriend look really awkward about the whole situation.

How to calm everyone down?

"You guys still want hot coco?"

*

"Oh, you two haven't met yet, have you?" Pieck asks.

There's still a tremor in Pieck's voice. She doesn't believe Eren's words about spilling the coco powder, it appears. And although Eren understands that this sharpness of hers is the reason why she was chosen as a Warrior, he's really resenting her for letting it show on her face right now. They have a guest. They should at least do their best to pretend that they're a happy division. If it gets out that the sole returnee of the mission to Paradis is bullied by the rest of the division, Eren is certain Reiner will somehow end up screwing over Eren's life further as a spy. 

"Helen, this is Eren. He and Porco are very close, as you've seen. Eren, this is Helen. She's the soldier that Porco asked out."

With a tight smile on her face, the girl turns to Eren. "Pleasure," she says.

She doesn't offer to shake his hand, he notes. He doesn't know if it's because she's still nervous about that mess she just witnessed or because he's a Warrior Candidate. After all, even if they're both Eldians, Eren highly outranks her. He knows that he should extend his hand and be friendly to let her know that it's fine.

But it seems that he's not that good of a person.

"Sorry for that display earlier. We're not usually like... this."

The smile becomes even more strained. Eren wonders why he feels so victorious at the sight.

"The water's boiling!" Colt announces, interrupting them. He makes his way over to them with the hot kettle. "Hot, hot! Move out of my way!"

He pours water for their mugs and pauses when he realizes that they still need more. With a small groan, he returns to boil more water.

Eren sniggers. "Work hard, Colt!"

Colt shoots him an annoyed glare.

Since there's enough water for three more mugs, Eren decides he'll start making hot coco for those three. He scoops a decent amount on his spoon to put in and...

"Stingy. Is that all you're giving us?" Porco asks from Eren's left.

As Eren feared. This was far too little! No wonder it tasted like shit.

"D-don't be silly! Of course, I'm going to give more than this!"

Porco levels him a look that says he clearly doesn't believe Eren. He reaches over to try to grab the spoon out of Eren's hand.

"Here, let me take care of it."

"No! I'm going to do this! Let go!"

Unlike Reiner who released his hand right away, Porco's grip on Eren's hand is firm. It's clear that Porco is willing to fight for his right to make the hot coco.

And that.

That excites Eren more than he expected.

His lips pull into a wide grin that's echoed on Porco's face. It feels like it's been forever and a half since they had a decent enough spar. One where they're just playing around more so than expressing their anger. One where they-

"We have a guest," Colt reminds the two of them by grabbing their shoulders. "Here, I'll take care of the hot coco. So you guys both let go."

"No!" both Eren and Porco exclaim.

Colt scowls at them. "I'm the most trustworthy out of the three of us!"

"You totally are not!" Porco groans.

Eren turns to Pieck. "Which of us is the most trustworthy?"

The strain that was in the corner of Pieck's smiles is gone now. Her smile is natural as she tries hard to hold back her laughter.

"I'd actually make the argument that I trust Reiner more than the three of you!" she dares says, knowing it'll spark another argument.

Reiner, who has been quietly standing to the side to not catch their attention, lets out a small yelp. "L-let's not pull me into this!"

"No, Reiner. I think this is great," Eren says, scoffing. "Come over here. Let's see how trustworthy you are."

"E-Eren, l-let's not..."

"Are you saying you're too good for us?" Porco asks. His eyes are sharp as he regards Reiner.

"Come on, Reiner! Join in the fun!" Colt says, completely missing the hostility.

With a defeated sigh, Reiner makes his way over to them.

Eren's eyes flicker towards Porco's girlfriend, wondering how she's taking the whole thing. It looks like she's relaxed considerably since Pieck started laughing. There's a soft smile on her face like she's treasuring the scene before her.

She's pretty.

Eren wonders why he feels so defeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry about them. They're not... always that crazy," Porco says with a shake of his head.
> 
> At Colt's insistence, Porco is walking her back to the soldier's barracks in Base Rupes. Helen said that she didn't need it. But it's not like Porco has anything else to do after this. Eren was going to return the coco powder tin to Zeke, so he'll probably spend some time talking to his big brother... Not that Porco was planning to take Eren's time. 
> 
> He's going to be independent. 
> 
> "No, I... thought it was sweet," Helen says with a light laugh. "You guys seem like close siblings. It reminded me of my little brother."
> 
> So she's an older sister. Porco feels pretty happy to know a little more about her.
> 
> "How old is your brother? What's his name?"
> 
> Her face falls. Even before she says the next part, Porco understands that she no longer has a brother. In that sense, they're quite similar.
> 
> "He's... dead. Unlike Liberio, there wasn't a Warrior Division that I could've joined in hopes of getting him the medication he needed... That hot coco, too. I've never had anything like it before. Even though we're both Eldians, it's quite striking how different our lifestyles are."
> 
> She doesn't sound bitter. She's just stating the facts. But Porco feels guilty anyways. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should’ve realized just how privileged he and the rest of the Eldians from Liberio is.
> 
> "Sorry. Liberio is... really a special place, especially for us Eldians."
> 
> She gives him an apologetic smile. "It's not like I'm blaming you or anything. I think if there's a chance offered before you, you'd be stupid to not take it."
> 
> A silence falls between the two for a second before she breaks it with a new topic.
> 
> "So how long have you known them? Did you meet all of them during the Warrior Candidacy Test for the first time?"
> 
> Porco shakes his head. "I've known Eren for much longer than that. His folks run the clinic in Liberio, and he helps out there a lot. Let's just say that when I was younger, I often had bumps and scrapes that he and his family looked over a lot."
> 
> "What kind of person would you say Eren is?"
> 
> The way that's phrased is particular. But Porco doesn't think much of it. She's probably curious since Pieck mentioned that Eren and Porco are close. That's all there is to it.
> 
> "Honest to a fault. He's also pretty righteous. Even if you wrong him, he'll put that aside and help you out if you need it. Kind of like how he defended Reiner despite everything. He can get pretty childish and annoying, but at the end of the day, he's endlessly thoughtful and kind. He's also stupidly stubborn. Even though it's clear to everyone that he's no good at putting coco powder in, he still insists that he'll do it. Just rely on me for things like that, damn it."
> 
> He pauses when he realizes that he might have gone off-topic. With a sheepish smile at her, he tries to recover.
> 
> "Sorry, that got a bit personal."
> 
> "No, it's alright. It's nice to know that you care that deeply for your friend. Maybe one day, I'll matter that much to you, too."
> 
> He wonders why his gut reaction is to disagree. Just what is he disagreeing to? As his girlfriend, it makes sense that one day, she'll become someone important to him. Is it that he doesn't think anyone would ever be as important to him as Eren is, now that Marcel is dead? Is it because he disagree with her assessment that Eren and he are friends? 
> 
> Just what is it that he's feeling?
> 
> "This uh... might be a bit forward of me, but... are you free this Friday? Do you want to go on a date?"
> 
> He knows that this is the next logical step when you're dating someone. But he finds himself hesitant to agree anyways. It's stupid. He doesn't understand himself. He's the one who asked her out first. Why the hell does the idea of a date make him so...?
> 
> "Yeah, sure. I don't have anything planned anyways."


	12. how desperate i've been without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To say that Reiner is friends with Bertolt is like saying that Annie and Pieck are friends. They're acquaintances. They're comfortable to a degree with each other, because they're always paired up as leftovers.
> 
> But it's not a "friendship" in the sense of the trio.
> 
> No matter how anyone looks at Marcel, Eren, and Porco, they are most definitely friends. They laugh and fight. They stand on equal ground. There's a base amount of trust that the others will always have their backs, no matter what they face against. Sometimes, even without saying anything out loud, the three always know how the others will react.
> 
> Reiner doesn't think he's alone in wanting to have that kind of closeness the three of them have. Because there are times when Bertolt hovers just close enough but not quite like he doesn't know how to approach.
> 
> And to be honest, Reiner doesn't know how to approach either. How do you become as close as the trio? How do you begin to build that trust, that friendship? 
> 
> How do you make friends?
> 
> Is it in the way Porco and Eren pick fights with each other? Is it in the way Marcel ruffles Porco's hair? Is it in the way Eren holds the two's hands without any bashfulness? Is it in the way Marcel leans a little closer to Eren than strictly necessary? Is it in the way Eren's smile for Marcel always seem a little sweeter, little more special...?
> 
> But that's not something that Reiner can naturally do. Even thinking such thoughts make him turn pink. Because it's... Well, you just don't do that.
> 
> Reiner wonders if this is the difference between someone as alone as he is and the trio.
> 
> Later, much later, he'll realize that the relationship Marcel and Eren has isn't the same as friendship. But he hasn't made that leap of logic yet.
> 
> He, just like Eren, believed that was friendship.

The decision that Magath arrives on is to let Eren handle the 15 non-Marleyans. Eren will pour over their profiles and decide which of them will be the least harmful to the Marleyan army. Then he will physically sneak those profiles into their filing system to make it appear as if these guys have always been part of their Non-Marleyan Army from the beginning.

On one hand, it's giving Eren quite a lot of power as an Eldian. But on the other hand, it also means that Magath will accuse Eren of betrayal if Eren gets caught.

It sucks.

It sucks quite a lot.

But what's he going to do? Refuse?

He's managed to narrow down the list to six people that he thinks he'll be able to sneak in. But before that, he needs to put in the ground work to make sure that the other non-Marleyans in the military won't sell them out. Because if they get sold out, it'll only be a matter of time before the dogs come sniffing at Eren's feet. At the very least, he should make some friends in the Non-Marleyan Army to help him out.

Honestly, this mission is such a pain.

*

"... Excuse me?"

Izan's smile doesn't reach his eyes. It's just a humorless stretch of the lips that gives Eren the creeps.

"We're going to attack Base Rupes."

That's the base where the core of the army (in other words, their Eldian Volunteer Army and the Non-Marleyan Army) is staying at. The Marleyan higher ups and the Warrior Division are staying at a separate location in case of an attack like this. The location where they run the drills are on the wide field fifteen minutes off of the base that eventually leads to the cliff side.

In plainer terms, this is the base where Porco's girlfriend stays at.

Wonderful.

"I'm thinking... this Friday. It's just going to be a small thing. Nothing fancy enough to draw out the Warriors. But that kind of shake should be enough for you to sneak those files in, am I right?"

So if Eren refuses, it'll be seen as he's not actually on their side? Annoying.

"I might not be able to put all 15 files," Eren warns.

Izan shrugs. "It is what it is. Put as much as you can in there. And bring back what you don't. We'll use that as a basis to go forward."

He means a basis to determine Eren's loyalty. If Eren puts all 15 in, it'll seem suspicious. But to put in too little would be equally as such. What's a good number? What's a good middle line? Is the six that he picked out okay? Should he go over this again? Damn it. If only he had someone else to bounce some ideas off of. He desperately misses having Colt and Porco by his side.

"What exactly are you planning for that little shake?" Eren asks.

Izan sniggers. "It'll be a surprise."

Explosions, Eren determines. He smiles back just as fakely as Izan.

*

There are two things that need to happen. One, he must not stop the attack on Base Rupes. Two, he must use that attack as a cover-up to sneak those files in.

Annoying.

This is so damned annoying.

If he reports this to Magath, will the Commander allow the attack to happen without letting it slip that Eren reported it? Will there be enough of a gap of time for Eren to sneak those files in? What if the Marleyan heads don't even blink twice at the base being attacked? After all, all the Marleyans are safe here. It'll just be Eldians and non-Marleyans getting attacked.

There are too many variables to this plan that makes it a headache to try and figure things out. How should he go about to eliminate these variables? What should he do to shape the outcome the way he needs it to be? If Marcel was here, what would he have chosen to do?

"Eren, are you listening?"

He flinches at suddenly being addressed. Falco is looking at him worriedly. The other kids look are watching him carefully, waiting on him for an answer to a question that Eren didn't hear.

"S-sorry. I missed that. What's going on?"

Gabi groans. "Pay attention, Eren! You're the one who said we should review first-aid!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Eren says, forcing a laugh.

Udo frowns and puts his small hand on Eren's forehead. "It feels a bit hot. Do you have a cold?"

No, Udo. Your hands are just really cold. But Eren feels quite touched by the gesture.

"Is it because Porco has a date this Friday?" Zofia asks, looking at Eren in a way that reminds him a bit too much of Pieck.

And... huh? A date? P-Porco has a...? Why does it suddenly feel like he lost his footing even though he's sitting down? Why does he feel so unsettled by this simple news? Of course, Porco has a date. Porco has a girlfriend now. It's only right that Porco goes on dates.

No, that's not what he should focus on. He should focus on the fact that it's on Friday.

"Do you know where that date is going to be at?" he asks them.

The four children give him a judging look. And belatedly, he realizes that it's not like he can admit out loud that the base is going to get attacked. Shoot. An excuse. He needs to come up with an excuse that's believable. What should he say? What makes sense?

"Porco is still your friend," Falco says slowly. "Even if he gets a girlfriend and goes on dates, he still cares about you. You don't have to be worried."

This sounds way too rehearsed for it to be something Falco came up with on the spot. Colt, you idiot, just how badly did you worry your little brother? Huh? Wait a minute. If Falco is saying this to Eren, doesn't that mean Eren worried Falco as much as Colt did?

Damn it.

"T-that's not why..."

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Isn't this the excuse that he wanted? It's perfect. He doesn't have to come up with anything, because it was brought up by Falco. All he has to do is play along. Besides, with how disbelieving the kids are looking at him, it's clear that they all think Falco is right.

So let's just use that.

"I-I'm not particularly worried," Eren mumbles.

They look smug to know that he's admitted that. Eren feels his cheeks flush. Damn these kids for making him feel like this when he doesn't actually care. What he cares about is that it's on Friday. That's all.

"If you didn't want Porco to go on dates and things, you should have treated him better," Gabi tells him matter-of-factly.

Thanks, Little Bug. That doesn't help Eren at all, but he gets what she's trying to say.

"Yeah, seriously," Udo says, nodding. "Isn't this all because you told him off?"

Please, can they just tell him where Porco and his girlfriend are going on their date instead of this?

"You hurt his feelings, so he's getting back at you through this. You guys are so childish," Zofia says with a fake sigh.

They're really going to make Eren beg, aren't they?

"B-but I'm sure if you talk to him, you guys can get through this together," Falco says cheerfully.

Eren hugs Falco. "You're the only one who cares about me."

The other three let out loud yells of protest. They tug on Eren's arms and try to separate Eren from Falco.

"We care!" they insist. "We care!"

Eren laughs and pull them all into a giant bear hug. "I know. Thank you."

*

"Pieck, have you seen Porco?" Eren asks after an hour of search came up blank.

"He went with Colt to shop for Friday's date," she says.

Then she stops when she realizes who she's speaking to. She suddenly gets defensive with a very cautious smile on her face. Huh? Why is she acting like that? Is the Friday date supposed to be a secret or something?

"With Colt? Tch. That's a shame. Hey, maybe you know the answer to this. Do you know where Porco is going on his date on Friday?"

Why does she look so nervous?

"I-I didn't hear. But it sounded like he was going to pick her up from Base Rupes and figure things out from there."

So potentially, Porco might get involved in the attack. That's bad. Porco's too good of a person. If he were to see that the people of the base are coming under attack, he will most definitely rush to defend them. Then wouldn't that be seen as the base having upped their defense? That would doubtlessly be led to Eren having spilled the beans to the higher ups to protect Base Rupes.

No matter what, Eren has to prevent Porco from going there on Friday.

But if he does that physically, then how will he sneak the profiles in here? If he's near Porco, there's no doubt that Porco will take that to mean to stick close to Eren. There will be no reasonable time for Eren to do his damned mission.

Damn it, Porco. Why the hell do you always make things so complicated?

"H-hey, are you alright?" Pieck asks.

She looks really concerned as she looks to Eren. He wonders what kind of expression he's making for her to say something like that.

"I'm fine. Sorry for worrying you."

Pieck nods slowly like she wants to believe him but knows better. Then with a bit of hesitance, she adds, "If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thanks."

He's about to walk away when he realizes something vital.

He can use this.

Why does he have to stop Porco himself? Why not ask Pieck for help? If Pieck is the one stopping Porco, then Eren can take care of the profiles while making sure that Porco stays far away from the attack. It's a win-win.

"H-hey, actually, can I get your opinion on something?"

*

The two sit together in her room for privacy.

"I don't want Porco to go on this date," Eren says without much fanfare.

Her mouth drops open. She stares at him with wide eyes that seem to be accusing. So he tries to explain himself the best he can.

"It's not like I don't want him to not go on any date. I just... Does it have to be this Friday? Isn't that too early? We don't even know anything about this girl. And Porco thinks he likes her? Doesn't that just reek of foul play?"

Why is it that the more he speaks, the more it sounds like he's voicing his actual thoughts? Huh? Does he... actually feel this way? N-no way. He just wants to stop Porco from messing up his mission. That's all there is.

That's all there can be.

It's a good thing that Porco has a girlfriend. It's a good thing that Porco is falling in love and going on dates. It's all very good things.

He's just against this one date on Friday.

It's just this date that he wants to stop.

... Isn't it?

Pieck covers her face, looking far too tired. Eren wonders if he should have figured out what his own feelings are before he came here on an impulse. That would've at least helped Pieck a bit, wouldn't it?

"Hey Eren, I want to be on your side. I really do. But that's not very fair to Porco. You understand that, right? Porco decided to ask this girl out. Porco decided to go on this date. Whether you or I disagree with it or not, Porco made this choice. It's not up to us to interfere with that."

The way she worded that is important. She's giving him a hint. The only problem is that he can't figure out what that hint is. Pieck, it's too obscure. He's not that sharp, even if he's smarter than Porco. Can't she just spell it out for him? What is she hinting at? What should he say or do to get her on his side?

"What if she doesn't make him happy?" Eren pushes.

Pieck moves her fingers so that her eyes are visible to Eren. "That's not up to you to decide."

"If she hurts him?"

"Porco can heal."

It's clear that Pieck is waiting on him to pick up the hint. But he's starting to get impatient. What's he suppose to get? Why do they have to play this kind of a game? Aren't they on the same side? Why can't they just honestly tell each other how they feel?

"I can make him happier."

Eren covers his mouth.

What the hell? What the hell? Why did he say that? Does he really feel like that? Well... it's... probably not a lie. He knows best how to make Porco happy, but that's because the two of them have known each other since forever. He also knows how best to hurt Porco, too. This doesn't mean anything.

It doesn't mean anything.

"Porco made his choice," Pieck says lightly.

Yes, yes. He chose her and not Eren. He gets...

Oh.

Oh!

"What if he chose me?"

Pieck puts her hand down, smiling confidently like he knew she would. Her eyes are bright, encouraging. And he gets it.

It's not that she was just leading him around by the nose. She wanted him to figure it out for himself. If she had just said it, he would most definitely would've just denied it all. But now that he's said it out loud, he can't take it back like an immature brat.

She knows him too well.

"Thanks, Pieck."

"Don't thank me yet. We haven't established anything."

*

Maybe there was nothing to be worried about after all.

When Eren reports to Magath about the attack on Friday, Magath doesn't even bat an eyelash.

"We'll let them catch us by surprise," he says without care. Then he glances at his second. "Understood?"

It's clear that his second doesn't like that. But he must have understood the importance of this to their strategy, because he nods.

"Yes sir."

With that taken care of, Eren turns his attention to actually important tasks.

*

In the following days until Friday, he takes some time to get to know the non-Marleyan Army. He thought it would be rough since he's an Eldian. But it turns out that their non-Marleyan forces are too dead-eyed to pay any attention to him.

If there are new members mixed in here, these people won't care.

It seems so odd to him. Even Eldians from other internment zones still had fire in their eyes. But these people look like they've lost their will a long time ago.

Is that what happens when your country gets taken over? But it's not like they're treated that horribly. At the end of the day, Eldians will always get the worst treatment in the world. So what the hell do they have to be so dead-eyed about?

"You're young," the woman introduced as Yelena says. "You'll understand when you're older."

Eren doesn't believe her.

*

Porco never brings up Friday's date to Eren.

Eren has been waiting for Porco to bring it up first, since it'll be too obvious that Eren has been investigating if he brings it up. But if Porco doesn't say anything, then it ends with Eren not having said anything at all. What's even more frustrating is that Colt hasn't brought it up either. Not even to whine about how Porco is going to go on a date before either of them.

It makes Eren feel lonely. It feels too much like Porco is purposefully pushing him away.

If Eren hadn't chosen to tell Porco to be less dependent on him, would this not have happened?

"Porco, you free tomorrow?" Eren asks on Thursday over dinner.

Yeah, he lost his patience. Don't give him that look, Pieck.

"Why?" Porco asks without answering the question.

Mean. Is it that hard to be honest with Eren? But Eren notes that everyone else has stopped eating to stare at the two of them. Hm? Why do they all look like they're preparing for war? It's just an innocent question.

"I want a new jacket. I'll buy you dinner as thank you if you come with. C'mon, we haven't hung out in forever! Let's play."

Porco scoffs. "Are we playing or getting a jacket?"

"Both?"

There's a soft puff of laughter. Porco grins easily at Eren like there's nothing wrong.

"Sounds good. I expect a really fancy dinner in return."

... What about the date...? But Eren can't bring that up without seeming like an asshole that's forcing his friend to choose between his friend and his girlfriend. Hey, someone, please say something!

"Ehhh? Maybe we should eat in instead," Eren complains while sweating on the inside.

Porco sniggers, looking like he's far too amused by their usual talk. "Stingy. But if we're eating in, I demand seafood pasta."

"And where exactly am I supposed to get said seafood?"

"Go for a swim," Porco says with a leer.

"Uh... P-Porco, I know it's not really my place to say anything but... D-don't you... have a prior engagement tomorrow?" Colt brings up slowly.

Eren mentally cheers. Thank you, Colt. Eren knew he could count on one of his friends.

Porco shrugs. "I can push that back. It's rare for Eren to be free these days since he's oh-so busy."

Is that okay? Hey Porco, this is your girlfriend. Are you really okay with putting her aside for Eren? Especially for their first date?

Eren wonders why he feels so damned happy. That's rude, isn't it? He's being rude to Porco's girlfriend? But he finds that he doesn't care. See, Pieck? Porco chose Eren. And that means...

He's not too sure what that means, actually. But it's important.

"Well, I guess it has been a while since we all hung out. I'm kind of looking forward to that seafood pasta, Eren!" Colt says.

... Huh?

Eren and Porco both look to Colt in astonishment. And it's not until Colt said those words that Eren realized that he didn't even think about inviting Colt. Colt seems to understand that there's something wrong, because he looks to the two of them with hesitancy.

"Erm... i-it is for all three of us, isn't it?"

"O-of course, it is! Why wouldn't it be for all three of us?" Eren says. His laugh sounds way too forced.

"I-it's best when all three of us are together," Porco adds, sounding just as forced.

Eren wonders why he feels so conflicted.

*

But now he's running on a time crunch.

He has to wait for that attack on Base Rupes, whenever it may be. And when the higher ups in the headquarters go running out, he needs to sneak in, look for where all the files on the non-Marleyans are kept, and put these six profiles that he carefully selected in. Afterwards, he can reward himself with a night out with Colt and Porco.

Yes, for once, things are looking pretty bright for him.

Everything will go right.

It's going to be great.

It was supposed to be great.

"Where... did you say the kids are...?" Eren asks, his voice hitching an octave higher.

Pieck laughs. "Falco said he felt bad for Helen because his brothers are selfishly taking up Porco's time. So the kids picked some flowers to take to her."

"T-to her... M-meaning... to Base Rupes...?"

It must have dawned to her that something is wrong. Her smile slips.

"Eren? Is everything alright?"

No. Nothing is alright. This is horrible. This is...

Calm down. Panicking right now is going to help no one. What he needs to do right now is prioritize saving those kids without jeopardizing his mission. That means he can't go himself to rescue them. Then who can he rely on?

Porco - The Jaw Titan is fast, so he'll be able to run to those kids without any issues to protect them. On top of that, the children will trust Porco without question. But the whole point of today was to keep Porco away from that base. So even though Porco is possibly the most reliable person Eren can think of right now, he's the worst possible person for the job.

Zeke - Zeke is smart and crafty. He will be able to take care of those kids safely without any problems. But the problem comes after that. He will definitely ask questions as to why Eren knew about the attack. And if Zeke realizes that Eren has been playing spy... Eren doesn't want to see Zeke become heartbroken over something they can't control.

Pieck - The Cart Titan is also pretty fast. But she poses the same problem as Zeke in that she'll start to ask questions. And once she does, it's only a matter of time before Zeke catches wind of what's happening. This is the problem with smart people. They gather together and suffocate everyone else.

Colt - It's possible that Colt isn't fast enough to get there in time. On top of that, Colt doesn't have titan healing like the rest of the Warriors. That will mean that he would have double hard time to keep both the kids and himself safe. Eren would prefer not putting his friend through such an uncomfortable position.

That leaves...

"Eren? You alright?" Pieck asks again, looking a second away from touching Eren's shoulder.

No, he's not. Just the thought of asking help from _that guy _ is making his skin crawl. But it's not like he has a choice right now, does he?

"Do you know where Reiner is?"

Pieck's lips press into a thin line like she doesn't like the fact that he changed the topic. But he can't explain things right now.

Right now, he needs to make sure those kids are going to be safe.

*

Reiner doesn't even blink twice at Eren's request. He doesn't ask questions. He doesn't second-guess Eren. He just nods and runs to do as Eren asks.

Porco wouldn't have done that.

Porco would've demanded an answer once everything was over. He would've given Eren the most judging look and threatened to not do anything until he was promised answers, even if it was given much later. And even though Eren wouldn't have promised anything, Porco would've ran off to do as Eren asked. And in return, Eren would've told him everything.

Eren wonders why he is thinking of Porco when he has already decided that Reiner is the better choice.

*

It feels like he's sitting on pins and needles.

Are the kids okay? Did Reiner get to them in time? When is the attack going to start? If he keeps pretending that everything is okay by smiling and talking to Colt, will everything turn out for the best?

He hates how many variables are in this.

If he was someone smarter like Zeke or Marcel, wouldn't he have a better plan prepared? Or is he putting them on a pedestal? Maybe there is no better plan. Maybe this is the best that that can happen.

Why can't he believe that?

"... and you're not even listening, are you?"

Eren snaps his head up at Colt, who looks amused at him.

"S-sorry. I got lost in thought. What did you say?"

Colt makes a show of sighing heavily, which lets Eren know that it wasn't anything serious.

"About today. You knew Porco had a date, didn't you? Isn't that why you suddenly decided that we need to hang?"

Eren feels his cheeks flush. "Y-you have no proof."

"But you know, I'm glad. I... also really wanted to hang out with the two of you. It's been hard to do that since Porco became a Warrior. I know I'm the one that said Porco should find love. But I didn't think it'll be this bitter-sweet."

"I feel bad, though. It's their first date."

Colt shrugs. "Isn't that Porco's fault for asking out someone in the middle of a war? Besides, he should've realized what kind of jealous assholes his friends are."

Eren feels his lips twitch.

"Isn't that why he chose us over her today?" Colt asks, grinning widely.

"We are terrible friends."

Colt laughs. "Damned straight!"

*

The news that something happened arrives by a messenger who rushes into the headquarter with a wild look in their eyes.

A small shake, Izan had said.

It was so small that they didn't even realize the attack happened until an hour later, when the people of Base Rupes realized that they haven't reported it yet to the higher ups. And with this kind of powerless attack, Izan wants to face against the Marley?

Maybe Marley's worry of them to send a double-agent is what Eren should find humorous?

"If Mr. Braun wasn't there, we wouldn't have been able to quell them so easily!" the messenger explains with an easy grin.

...

Eren is going to kill Reiner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porco tells Helen that he won't be able to make it to their date early in the morning so he can spend the rest of the day in high spirits to good off with his friends. 
> 
> "H-huh? W-what do you mean cancel? I-it's our... f-first date...?"
> 
> Helen sounds more confused and uncertain of herself than Porco expected.
> 
> "Yeah, but we can have a first date any time. I have a limited time that I can spend with Eren."
> 
> "W-wait... I..." she falters. 
> 
> A small part of Porco feels guilty for suddenly dumping this on her so last minute. But it's not really like he was looking forward to this in the first place. He's sure that she understands. 
> 
> When he leaves the base and heads back, he finds himself already feeling giddy. What kind of jacket should he suggest Eren get? Eren tends to look good in greens and browns, but he doesn't think a black jacket would be out of the question. Well, it's Eren. He's surprisingly pretty good at making himself look good in anything he wears.
> 
> Perhaps they should all get matching bomber jackets...? That's probably a little silly, isn't it? Yeah, he much prefers it when Eren is wearing his jacket anyways. So bomber jackets are out. That way, it'll force Eren to borrow one from Porco if he wants to wear it.
> 
> "About today. You knew Porco had a date, didn't you?"
> 
> He finds himself freezing in the halls of the headquarter when he hears Colt's voice. 
> 
> "Isn't that why you suddenly decided that we need to hang?"
> 
> And huh? Huh? T-that... That can't be. Why would Eren purposefully go out of his way to...? E-Eren is a very kind person. He's not the type to... 
> 
> "Y-you have no proof."
> 
> Eren's voice just shook. Even without looking, Porco knows that Eren's ears must be red. So it's true. 
> 
> Eren purposefully...
> 
> Porco quickly turns on his heels to get out of the area before he hears more that he shouldn't. 
> 
> This isn't fair. This isn't fair.
> 
> How the hell is Porco supposed to be independent if Eren...
> 
> He feels his cheeks heat up. He's pretty sure the reason why his heart is pounding has nothing to do with how fast he's walking. 
> 
> Without a doubt, he should be upset. His date (the very first date that he'll ever be on) has been interrupted by his two friends. No, by Eren who went out of his way to disturb it. He should be mad for Helen. He should be annoyed. He should be...
> 
> He wonders why he feels like he can touch the stars if he were to jump right now.


	13. how resentful i've been without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The difference between a Warrior and a Warrior Candidate is not all that strikingly obvious. At least, not among them. Zeke is singled out a lot, but that's more because he's the oldest and has been part of the division since he was a kid. Aside from Zeke, the rest of them still feel like bunch of Warrior Candidates.
> 
> Until Magath starts the Warriors-only meetings. 
> 
> It's a badge of honor.
> 
> They don't actually discuss anything all that important, Reiner doesn't think. But he likes being part of it because it means that he made it.
> 
> He's sitting at the big kids' table now.
> 
> It's a little weird to see Marcel without the other two, but that's not really any of Reiner's business. Besides, Eren and Porco both wait for Marcel and Zeke to come out of the meeting to walk back home together. So it's not like Marcel lost anything. 
> 
> Marcel didn't lose anything, right?
> 
> Because there's this frozen look on Marcel's face when they finish their meeting and come outside. Curious, Reiner follows his gaze and...
> 
> Eren and Porco are sitting by a tree, giggling together. They're situated with Eren's left leg over Porco's right. Reiner can't imagine that it's any comfortable, but the two don't seem to notice that at all. They laugh at whatever joke that's shared only between the two, heads so close to whisper secrets that only friends can have. 
> 
> "They're as close as ever."
> 
> Reiner glances back at Marcel, who continues to watch Porco and Eren with a look that Reiner isn't sure how to name.
> 
> "They're that close to you, too," Reiner says hesitantly.
> 
> Marcel glances at him and gives him a tight smile. 
> 
> But it doesn't last long.
> 
> "Ah! Marcel! Are you done?"
> 
> Eren's eyes are bright as he runs for Marcel without any care as to who sees. He throws his arms around Marcel. The tightness in Marcel's smile is gone. A breathless laughter leaves Marcel's lips, and he holds Eren close to himself. It feels a little like they're in a world of their own. Like there's no one else that can see them. Or perhaps it's more that they don't care who sees?
> 
> What's that like?
> 
> To hold someone so radiant in your arms? To have someone look at you the way these two look at each other...?
> 
> And perhaps what gets Reiner the most is how content Porco looks at the affectionate display before him. Like this is how the world is supposed to be. And without feeling that throbbing loneliness like Reiner does, Porco can honestly feel glad for these two. Like he's not afraid of being left behind or left out.
> 
> What's that like?

The attack itself is too minor for the Marleyan higher ups to care. It doesn't provide Eren with enough of a time frame to sneak into the office to sneak in the profiles.

But Reiner's return from Base Rupes does.

Apparently, there was someone dumb enough to get caught by Reiner among the people who came to attack the base. That person is currently being detained in Base Rupes for interrogation. But thanks to that, Eren has just enough time to take care of the profiles before going off to find this "hero" of theirs.

It's odd to see Reiner surrounded by people who are looking at him favorably. Eren wonders if that's rude to think. Probably, right?

Everyone around Reiner right now are either from the Eldian Voluntary Army who probably followed him back to "report" back. And a few scattered Marleyan officers. Good. Eren timed it right, then. If he had stayed any longer to sneak the profiles in, he probably would have been caught.

He spots the ball of energy running straight towards him before he sees the three more that gets added to the pile. The young Warrior Candidates must have spotted him.

Gabi runs at him with a bright grin on her face. Figuring that she'll be asking for a bear hug like she normally does when they're in Liberio, Eren opens his arms and prepares himself to be tackled down by a small child of pure energy.

But Gabi, it seems, might have spent a little too long with Porco recently.

She dodges his outstretched arms and barrels straight into his back.

"Oof! L-Little Bug... Why?" Eren manages out weakly.

But he has a hard time even pretending to get mad when Gabi grins so brightly at him. The other three arrive at a more reasonable pace and waits patiently for their hugs. Eren wishes Gabi will learn from them and not Porco.

"Eren! Eren! You should've been there! It was so cool!" Gabi exclaims. She excitedly punches the air, and Eren feels quite glad that those hits are not aimed at his back for once. "There was this little 'pop' sound and Reiner was all 'Get down!' I thought he was just an annoying lug who ate all the food at home, but it turned out that he's actually pretty cool!"

Trust Reiner to trick the young and impressionable children.

"He was really cool," the others say, nodding along to Gabi.

Eren feels his smile strain.

"Oh, Eren!"

And now Reiner is rushing over. Because, of course, he is.

"I-I..." Reiner's eyes do a quick sweep of the area. It seems he knows just enough to not just blurt out that Eren sent him out. He clears his throat and straightens. "It's good seeing you."

... Lame. Does he really think such words will convince anyone that he's not being suspicious?

"Ohhhhhhhh! Reiner said it's good to see you! And you didn't punch him!" Gabi squeals.

Zofia giggles. "Looks like your relationship improved."

The words of protest is at the tip of Eren's tongue when Falco speaks up.

"What a relief."

"Now we just need Porco to stop pretending like Reiner doesn't exist!" Udo adds.

Good luck with that.

Eren lets out a heavy sigh and rubs the back of his neck. He glances at Reiner, who offers a sheepish smile in return.

"Good job, Mr. Hero," Eren manages out evenly.

He hates the way Reiner beams at him like that was a compliment.

*

Even without Magath saying anything, Eren reports in to the Commander as soon as he can get away.

"It's unfortunate what happened with Reiner. Can you still earn their trust despite this?" Magath asks.

Eren hasn't realized that Reiner kept him out of any reports. He just can't figure out why. What does Reiner get out of this? Before it was decided on who would inherit the titans, Reiner sometimes accused Porco of betraying Marley for being too outspoken. Eren honestly can't imagine that kind of a person willingly omit information in his reports.

Just what is Reiner trying to play at?

"I'll do my best to convince them it was an accident. But it's possible that this might set me back."

Magath sighs. "I don't understand why Reiner was there in the first place."

It's not like Eren can admit that he messed up. But to throw Reiner under the bus now, after Reiner covered for him doesn't sit right with him either. Decisions, decisions...

"It seems he went to pick up the young Warrior Candidates," Eren admits. "Erm... Porco was supposed to go on a date with his girlfriend."

"Porco has a girlfriend? And you're fine with that?" Magath asks, his eyebrows jumping to his hairline.

"It stops him from interfering with the mission, so I can't complain."

There's a look on Magath's face that Eren isn't sure how to read. His gut instinct is to call it guilt, but he can't think of a reason why Magath would feel guilty that pertains to this situation. Ergo, it can't be guilt. Then what is that expression that Magath is making?

"Since I didn't want him anywhere near Base Rupes, I got him to cancel the date. But apparently the kids thought that that was rude, so they went to the base to get her some flowers. Reiner probably went with them to make sure that they didn't get side-tracked or lost."

Eren is rather impressed with his ability to defend Reiner of all people. Jeesh, no wonder Magath was certain he would be a good double agent. This confirmation doesn't make him happy in the slightest.

"I see your relationship with Reiner has improved."

It really doesn't have to be phrased like that, does it? It's not that their relationship improved at all. It's just... if Reiner were to disappear now, then it'll become a headache to find someone else to cover for him without asking for anything in return. It's a purely selfish motive. It has absolutely nothing to do with Reiner himself.

"Seemed like just yesterday that you were beating him up at the harbor..." Magath shakes his head. "How would you rate his current state of being? He seemed almost unusable when he returned from that island."

Eren wants to so desperately insult Reiner. It is childish at best and rather pointless thing to do. What's it going to accomplish? No matter what he says, Magath and the other higher ups most definitely have their own ideas on how Reiner is. This is probably a test to see how much Eren's own bias is blinding him.

In that case, all Eren has to do is speak favorably enough to convince Marley that he isn't a threat. He is still thinking as a good Eldian should. He is still a loyal dog, despite playing spy.

He finds himself smiling meekly as he looks down at the ground, giving himself a touch of shyness. There. Now whatever he'll say will look genuine like he has recently started to see Reiner in a positive light. Didn't think his ability to trick their enemy will be used against you, did you, Magath?

"He protected those kids from the attackers. And he's been earnestly helping everyone out... At the very least, he's been working hard to make up for his mistakes. I don't think that should be forgotten."

Hm? Why does Magath look so disgusted? Shouldn't he feel impressed at how mature Eren is being instead? Did Eren miscalculate something...? No way. This is probably just a normal Marleyan reaction. Yeah. That makes more sense.

"I see... By the way, your brother turned in a request for a leave during the holidays coming up for both of you. But you understand our current situation, correct? If it turns out that the form for your request got lost somewhere, it's something that makes perfect sense."

Yeah, Eren figured it'll be something like that. They can't afford to let it slip to someone as smart as Zeke, despite Zeke being such a loyal dog to Marley. After all, Eldians are all untrustworthy scum, right, Magath?

"In return, I will grant you one favor. Is there something you're lacking? Sweets? Clothes?"

My, how lowly does Magath think of them to believe that something like a sweet or some fabric will make up for not seeing his family for the holidays? But that's a sentiment best left in his heart to never let see light of day. Especially not in front of a Marleyan.

"If you will, could you please make sure that both Colt and Falco get the same time off to go home? It doesn't have to be for the holidays. But just let them both see their family together."

There's an unreadable expression on Magath's face. Eren isn't sure if it's because Magath doesn't want Eren to know what he's thinking or if it's because Magath honestly doesn't know how to react. To be honest, he's not sure which is better. Or if one is better than the other.

"Alright," Magath says finally. "I'll make sure of it."

How nice. If Eren knew he could earn favors from his Marleyan Commander by doing something as simple as being a double agent (Well, he supposes it's not actually all that simple), he would have done it in a heartbeat much earlier.

"Maybe I'll request a bar of the expensive Marleyan chocolate while I'm at it, too," Eren says lightly.

"Don't push your luck."

Laughing merrily, Eren cheerfully salutes and dismisses himself.

*

Porco's lips are set into a deep-set scowl when Eren sees him next.

And it's not even like Eren is an asshole or anything. But something about seeing Porco in such a bad mood makes him cackle. That, of course, sets Porco off.

"The hell you laughing at?!" Porco yells, lightly kicking Eren's leg repeatedly.

It doesn't hurt in the least. Porco's always good about that when it comes to joking around like this. Even though Porco's face is beet red and he looks embarrassed to hell and back, he takes care to not accidentally hurt Eren.

"Were you looking forward to our date that much?" Eren teases.

Porco switches from kicking to grabbing Eren's cheeks. "Shut up, you ass! Who would ever want to go on a date with you?"

Eren tries to free himself while laughing. It goes about as well as he expected, which is to say, not at all. If it isn't for Falco worriedly getting involved, Eren is pretty sure that Porco wouldn't have stopped.

"For shame," Colt says, shaking his head at them. "You guys need a little kid to remind you to be mature?"

Eren glances at Porco, who glances back at him. Without a single word between them, the two reach over and pull Colt's cheeks from either side.

"Jerks!" is probably what Colt is trying to say while his cheeks are being pulled.

"And? And? What else?" Gabi asks as she and Reiner make their way to join the gathered group.

Reiner looks tired as he tries to keep up with Gabi's enthusiasm. And although Eren knows that it's a good thing for Gabi to take an interest in her cousin and all that, he can't help but to find it irksome. Isn't he Gabi's favorite? Why is Reiner getting all of her attention? Reiner wouldn't be a hero if it wasn't for Eren.

"If it isn't the man of the hour," Porco grumbles.

He and Eren both release Colt. Immediately, Colt pinches both of their cheeks in revenge. Whatever else cool thing Porco must have planned to tell Reiner gets lost in the humiliation. Eren tries hard not to laugh at Porco since his own cheek is getting pinched. But it's hard not to laugh when Porco looks so ridiculous.

Porco kicks him lightly in response.

*

The Eldians at Base Rupes invited the Warrior Division to join them for a celebration as a thank you to Reiner for stopping the attack.

Truth be told, Eren would have much preferred to have ignored it and gone on his shopping trip with Colt and Porco. But Zeke made it clear that they should all go to show a united front. Then Zeke gave Eren's shoulder a small squeeze and smiled encouragingly. Eren gets a small feeling that his brother is misunderstanding something really important here.

But now that they're at Base Rupes, Eren feels his apprehension melt away by the merry mood.

"I'm sure you guys have better food and drinks as Warrior Division members, but please don't hesitate to eat your fill!" are the words they receive often as their plates are filled to the brim by the well-meaning soldiers.

They've also received some alcoholic beverages, despite Zeke's protests to keep those away from the kids. And since Zeke has oh-so-kindly volunteered to be on watch duty for the kids, Eren and Colt both decide to have fun.

"Maybe you should strip, too!" Eren yells out.

Colt sticks his tongue out at Eren before turning his attention back to the partner dance around the bonfire with a rather cute soldier. Porco snorts and sits down next to Eren, holding a cup of water. After a moment's hesitation, Eren decides that he should probably sober up a bit and accepts it. But it should be noted that Eren really didn't drink that much.

"My, didn't realize you were that desperate to see someone naked," Porco teases.

"You wouldn't understand since you have a girlfriend."

Porco rolls his eyes. "You have Mr. Hero over there. Or are you lonely because he's not paying attention to you?"

"Then maybe you should pamper me in his steed," Eren teases.

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

It's not funny anymore. No matter how much water he drinks, he feels like his mouth won't stop being dry. Damn it, Porco. Don't just suddenly turn the conversation serious. Don't look at Eren with such worried eyes. Don't. Just don't.

"Shouldn't you look for your girlfriend and apologize?"

"Why? I already apologized. And right now, my stupid friend is brooding alone and pouting because his boy-toy won't look at his way."

Eren pushes Porco. "I'm not pouting!"

Porco sniggers. "Don't worry, it's very cute."

"Shut up, you ass! I'm going to pour this water on you."

"What water? You drank it all... Were you thirsty? Should I get you more?"

How does Porco switch from joking around to worried so quickly? Eren didn't drink all that much, but he feels like Porco still manages to spin him around. Ah... That's wrong. It's not Porco that's spinning him. It's the alcohol. Right. This home-made alcohol must be stronger than he realized.

"But if I drink anymore, I'm going to have to pee so much," Eren whines in hopes of returning their teasing mood back.

"Go pee, you idiot. It's better than a hangover."

Eren holds his now empty mug for Porco to take. Despite letting out a heavy sigh like this is a chore, Porco still goes off to get Eren more water. Oh, look at that. Some of the other soldiers are trying to pull Porco into the dance around the bonfire. Perhaps Eren should warn them that Porco has two left feet? But in the same breath, it'll be pretty funny to see him struggle to dance with a partner...

"May I sit here?"

His thoughts are rudely interrupted by the polite tone of voice.

Porco's girlfriend. Shoot. What was her name...? Right. Helen.

"Go ahead," Eren says, standing up. "Porco should be back soon."

"No, I wanted to talk to you."

It's because he's the one who stopped Porco from coming to the date, isn't it? Damn. This is going to be such an awkward conversation. Should he just apologize now and get it over with?

"I'm... sorry about tonight. I'm sure you were looking forward to your date with Porco. I... and Colt. The two of us kind of ruined that, didn't we?"

Helen's lips are pulled into a thin line. She looks like she tasted something sour as she looks at Eren. Then she closes her eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. With it, she manages to school her expression into more of a neutral one.

Scary.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't go out of your way to continue to do something like that," she says evenly.

Eren nods. "Promise. This was a special case. But I definitely won't be getting in the way of you two. Well, if that's everything, I'll just be go-"

"May I ask what it is that you're trying to accomplish?"

What a strange question to ask. Isn't there just one answer to such a question? What he wants to accomplish? Obviously it's safety and happiness of those he loves. Why else would he have thrown away his pride to become a dog for the Marley? Why else would he choose to keep everyone in the dark to become a double agent?

Why else would he risk everything for something that can only end in his death?

But those are words he cannot say to some random stranger, even if that person is dating his best friend.

"It'll be obvious if I phrase it like this," Eren decides. He leans in close to her so that no one else can hear them. "If you ever hurt Porco or anyone of the Warrior Division, I will personally make it so that you, your family, friends, and anyone else you care about burn."

He steps back with a friendly smile.

"Good talking to you."

Helen stares at him with that same neutral expression. Amazing. His threat didn't even shake her up a bit? Does she have the nerves of steel? No wonder Porco was so charmed by that. Eren is someone who is too emotional. As Zeke often said, he's too honest, even if he's working on it to not be so obvious anymore... Wait. Why is he comparing himself to her?

"That'll be a rather short list of people to burn. I only have myself left as someone to care about," she says.

Then her lips stretch into a humorless smile that doesn't seem to hold an ounce of warmth. Just a little, he feels bad for bringing it up the way he did.

"But yes, you're right. That made it infinitely clear exactly what your priority is."

It feels a little like he lost, even though they weren't fighting. Eren doesn't like how uneasy this conversation topic makes him.

So he chooses to run.

*

It's only when he's away from the bonfire and the merry celebration that he remembers that the non-Marleyan forces are on this base, too. But this is a celebration for stopping the attack on the base, isn't it? Why should only the Eldians celebrate it?

Eren pokes around for a bit until he finds the usual suspects hanging out on their own.

"There's a party over there, you know," he tells them as a greeting.

Tired eyes lock onto him for a second before quickly dismissing him without a word. Jeesh, a cheerful bunch as always, aren't they?

"What? You guys gave up alcohol when your countries were taken over or something? C'mon, it's not poisoned, if that's what you're worried about. Then again, I suppose since it tastes like that, it's probably not wrong to call it poison."

"Jaeger, just leave us be," Yelena says. "Go back to your party."

Is it their reluctance to join in with bunch of Eldians? Or is this their refusal to allow themselves to be happy? Eren is hoping for the latter, because that will be easier to deal with.

"What's wrong, Yelena? Can't hold your liquor? C'mon, I'm not saying you have to smile or enjoy yourself. But there's nothing wrong with getting to know the people who'll die on the battlefield with you."

"And why would we want to get to know the people who are just going to die?"

Eren laughs. "Because I, as a Warrior Candidate, will do my best to protect you all."

"You can't save everyone," someone grumbles, shooting Eren a dirty look.

"Didn't you hear me? I said I'll protect you. I'm not strong nor skilled enough to save anybody. But if it's the matter of protecting them, then even a kid like me can make a difference. If I can make it so that one more person can see another night, then that's enough."

He doesn't think he said anything important. In fact, this sentiment is similar to what he grew up with since he was a small child. Both his dad and his grandpa used to say that as doctors, their job is to save as many lives as they physically can. As a Warrior Candidate, saving people the way a doctor does is not something Eren can ever do. Not with his hands as bloody as it is.

No, a duty of a soldier... of a Warrior is to protect those who stand behind his shield.

The non-Marleyan forces stay quiet for a beat longer. Then they slowly move to join Eren as if to silently ask him to lead them to the celebration.

Eren laughs and leads the way.

*

There's a shocked silence when the Eldians see who Eren brought. But Eren expected that.

"See? This alcohol right here isn't served anywhere else in the world. It was made by our own doctor," Eren brags to the non-Marleyans.

The discomfort is obvious on everyone's faces. Amazing, even though the Eldians were drunk just seconds ago, they look like they've managed to sober up in an instant.

"Here, have a drink," Eren says, forcing the non-Marleyans to take a cup each.

"W-we don't have to-"

Eren lowers his voice in a mock whisper. "It's because it tastes like horse piss, isn't it? Yeah, I don't blame you. But you have to pretend to be polite and drink it at least once."

"You stupid brat! You only say that because you don't appreciate good alcohol! You'll understand when you're older just how delicious this is!" the doctor yells.

With a look on his face that makes it clear that he's still uncomfortable, he turns to the non-Marleyans.

"It'll... probably not be good enough for your tastes. But I'll be delighted if you could take a sip."

Yelena surprises them by taking a big gulp. She pulls the cup away from her mouth and turns to Eren. In the same mock whisper, she says, "Horse piss."

Then she turns to the doctor with something that might be called a grin in some very grim societies.

"You made it yourself, did you? Let me guess, you're a fan of stronger drinks? Then what you need is..."

Eren takes a step back to watch the magic unfold. With that simple introduction, both sides seem to be less uneasy. He won't go as far to say that the non-Marleyans look less tired or dead-eyed. But there's at least a little less barrier between the two groups. Eren hopes that this small work of fostering good relations carries on when morning comes.

*

With everyone on the base more or less distracted with the celebration, Eren decides now is a good time as any to take care of one more duty.

The idiot who was caught in today's attack is being held somewhere within this base. Knowing the structure of this place, Eren has a pretty good idea where. And it turns out that he's right.

"How miserable," Eren says as he walks into the room that reeks of blood.

The idiot is tied down on a chair, possibly resting from whatever interrogation. From how strong it smells of blood (and the missing fingers on the idiot's hands), Eren has a good idea on exactly what happened. But man, to be able to keep quiet for this long when... let's see... It looks like at least four fingers missing total.

"You know, Reiner is the weakest of all the Warriors. If this is the best you can do against him, you might as well as give up on fighting Marley now."

There's just the smallest of stirring to let Eren know that the idiot is listening.

"Honestly, what will you guys do without me?"

Eren cuts the rope using one of the tools left behind at the interrogation table. He returns the tool back, knowing that the owner of these will realize at once that his own tool was used to let the idiot go free. Then he heads towards the door to leave.

"W-what are you doing? Is this a trick? I-I won't fall for a cheap Eldian tactic!"

When Eren glances back, the idiot is looking at him with fearful hope. If Eren had been part of the interrogation, this is probably when this idiot would have spilled everything. What a shame. To think a time will come when he regrets not being part of an interrogation... But alas, he already has the information this idiot might have been able to give.

"It seems that you're under a grave misconception, so let me help clear that up for you. Of course, this is a cheap Eldian tactic. I'm using your escape to make myself look useful to Izan. Lucky for me, you're such an idiot that you got caught by our weakest. I suppose I should be thanking you for that."

The wheels seem to be turning in the idiot's head. Eren wonders what kind of a conclusion this person will draw.

"Doing this won't win you any favors with the Captain. I'm not anyone important enough for saving me to do you any good."

This person truly is an idiot. But Eren will at least say that he's a kind idiot. Who the hell looks at his rescuer and say that he's not important enough that this rescue won't mean anything? Wouldn't the normal reaction be to run away and never look back?

Honestly, this world is full of surprises.

To think that Izan is their Captain on top of all that. What the hell is someone that important doing in such dinky little meetings? Ah, but that explains why everyone kept looking to Izan for approval. If Eren does well with him, will it be enough to secure himself a place by the enemy's side?

... If so, then maybe Eren should consider switching sides.

Hah. Like hell anyone would ever trust an Eldian. Besides, what would switching sides accomplish? He has too much to lose in that kind of a deal.

"Then shall I just kill you? Might as well as wag my tail to my Marleyan overlords and present them with your corpse and the knowledge that you were working for 'Captain Izan' since I can't win any favors with Izan through you. Maybe I'll get a nice bone for a job well done."

The idiot's mouth shuts with a clack. His brows furrow in worry and fear. Eren feels just a tad bit bad for teasing like that.

"Don't worry. This secret stays with me. The rest of the people on base are too busy celebrating to notice you if you're careful. But if you get caught while escaping, don't expect a second help from me."

"H-hey, what's your name?" the idiot asks.

"To think there are still people who don't know me. I'm Eren Jaeger. Warrior Candidate."

The idiot nods. "I'm Alvaro. I won't forget this kindness."

"Pfft... What's with that? I'm an Eldian. I don't do kindness. This is all for my own selfish gains. But if you decide to talk me up to Izan, I won't complain."

Eren doesn't stay any longer to listen to any replies.

*

He leaves the cell door wide opens and heads down the hall. Will this really be enough to get on Izan's good side? At the very least, this should give Eren a hint as to how Izan treats his man. But at the end of the day, he's not sure how much that knowledge will help him. If only there was a sure-fire way to check how much-

"Eren? W-why are you... here?"

Eren freezes at the sight of Reiner staring at him wide-eyed. Reiner probably knows where this hallway leads and what it means that Eren is walking from this direction. Damn. Then if he learns about the idiot's escape tomorrow morning, Reiner will most definitely realize... Wait no. Judging by the expression on Reiner's face, isn't it pretty clear that Reiner is already suspecting something?

"I can ask you the same thing. What are you doing here and away from the celebration held in your honor?"

"Y-you weren't around. So I went looking for you," Reiner admits softly.

Can this guy for once mind his own business and stop looking for Eren every chance he gets? Isn't that like the first sign of becoming a stalker?

He doesn't know how long he has before Alvaro decides to move. He needs to handle this quickly or at least move their location. Damn it, Reiner. Why are you so set on getting in Eren's way?

"D-did... you know? That there was going to be an attack here today? Is... Is that why you asked me to protect the kids? I wasn't supposed to have interfered with the attack, was I?"

He absolutely hates the distressed look on Reiner's face. Can they please have this meltdown talk later? If Alvaro hears this, he'll definitely arrive on the wrong conclusion. And the last thing Eren needs is to watch all his hard work go up in flames because of Reiner and his big mouth.

"Eren, are you on their side? Are... are you betraying Marley?"

Don't just come out and say it, Reiner! What if someone is listening in? They may be on friendly territory, but those kinds of words could potentially lead to Eren's family being in danger. And yes, Eren is supposed to be Marley's double agent. But he hasn't shown enough result for them to decide to keep him over reports of his betrayal. Made worse if a current Warrior is backing those reports. No matter what worth a Warrior Candidate has, it can't be enough to outweigh a Warrior's concerns.

"Those are some dangerous accusations you're throwing at me," Eren growls lowly.

Words alone won't be enough to convince Reiner. Then what should he do? What can he do to throw off Reiner's suspicions as quickly as he can?

Eren steps in close to Reiner so that they're almost touching. This probably would have been much more threatening if Reiner hadn't suddenly grown so tall. Damn it. Just you wait, Reiner. Eren will soon have his own growth spurt and catch up.

"Got any proof, Mr. Hero?"

Reiner's eyes stay locked onto Eren's. If this was Porco, he would have checked for Eren's ears while pushing for Eren to answer questions after questions. But this isn't Porco. This isn't someone who knows Eren's ticks and tricks. This isn't someone smart or clever as Zeke, who would definitely try to make Eren trip up with complicated questions. This isn't someone he doesn't want to hurt like Colt or Falco or any of the kids.

This is just Reiner.

And Reiner is an opponent Eren has defeated multiple times.

"Or are you pettily saying those words because you're looking for a way to crush me again? Mr. Hero, do I make you insecure? Should I-"

Reiner's arms wrap around Eren. The only reason Eren stiffened is because he can't comprehend what's happening. What the hell is Reiner doing? Why is he doing this? What does this accomplish? What the hell is going through Reiner's head right now?

"I told you. I'll be on your side. So if that's what you want to do, I'll stand with you."

Who is this person?

No, seriously. This can't be Reiner. But this isn't something that Marcel would do either. Then...? Huh? Wasn't Reiner the most loyal to the Marleyan cause? Because his dad is a Marleyan or whatever. Reiner and Porco often fought over that, didn't they? Eren can't be remembering wrong. Then... Then...?

Just what the hell happened on that Island in those five years for Reiner to have changed this much?

"You must think me weak if you think I'll fall for such-"

Reiner's hold tightens for a second before he pulls back. There's a sheepish smile on his face that seems much too shy. Much too sweet.

"Not a trick. Just... wanted to be honest with you."

Eren feels like puking. He shoves Reiner's chest and feels frustrated when he hits nothing but solid mass of muscles. Damn him for not even letting Eren take his anger out like this.

"I don't need your pity! Don't put on this damned show and just report me. Isn't that what you've always wanted to do? Put me down and in my place? After all, I'm just a Warrior Candidate. How dare I show off in front of you?"

Reiner grabs Eren's wrists to stop him from trying to shove him again. His expression is calm. Like this doesn't bother him. Like this is just fine. Like...

"Then why don't I show you exactly what I want?"

To be honest, Eren doesn't quite understand what Reiner's intention is by leaning in suddenly. All he knows is that the alarm bells in his head is going off like crazy. And he cannot, must not, allow this (whatever this may be) to go Reiner's way.

He refuses to lose to Reiner.

Not Reiner.

With everything he can gather, he yanks his left arm free from Reiner's grasp. He then puts his hand on Reiner's face to stop him from leaning in any further.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hisses lowly.

Why does Reiner look so disappointed? Did he really think that Eren would let him just do whatever he wanted? Did he really think that Eren was so weak that-

"I want to kiss you," Reiner says, pulling Eren's hand on his face down.

It doesn't register.

Eren doesn't understand those words. What the hell is Reiner talking about?

Reiner must have understood Eren's confusion, because he leans in again and-

It clicks.

Eren jerks back away from Reiner like he has been burned. Reiner lets him go, disappointment clear on his face.

"W-what...? So if I don't kiss you, you'll report me? Hey, isn't that too villainous for a hero, Reiner?"

"You finally called me by name." The disappointment disappears into a beaming smile. "I don't need a kiss, Eren. This is more than enough for me."

Eren shakes his head. "I don't understand. What the hell are you talking about?"

Reiner crosses his arms in front of himself, pretending to think about this. Eren watches him warily, not liking how so much of this feels like he's being pulled into Reiner's pace.

"You know, Zeke mentioned that you're pretty clueless about love, but I didn't think it'll be this bad."

No. No, no, no. Reiner did not just say. He did not imply... When the hell did Zeke talk to Reiner?!

"Eren, I like you. I'm not expecting an answer now or for you to return my feelings. Of course, if you do, I'd be very grateful and happy. But that's not why I told you that. It's my explanation. It's why I'll side with you, no matter what you decide."

That's... that's so damned...

"And without expecting anything from me, you'll just unconditionally agree with me?"

Reiner nods.

"B-because you... l-like me?"

Again, another nod.

"You..."

Eren's fist collides with Reiner's face in an all-too-familiar way. And although Eren would have preferred to have continued to hit Reiner to vent, he stops himself. No, that's a lie. It's less that he stopped himself and more that he's too unstable to continue to hit Reiner. His eyes are starting to water, and he feels his body tremble. He would like to blame it on the alcohol, but he's long sobered up by this point.

"Why do you insist on turning me into the villain? Don't do this to me! Reiner, please... I-I can't love someone with a time limit. I can't stand to lose someone else like Marcel."

The smile on Reiner's face looks sad but accepting.

"I know," he says.

Eren wishes Reiner wasn't so damned gentle. He wishes Reiner wasn't so kind. He wishes that it wasn't Reiner before him. That it was someone who wouldn't have made him focus on how weak he is, how pathetic, how pitiful. That it would be someone who would help distract him with a raw emotion like anger. Someone who wouldn't look down on him like this and face him head on.

Someone who would look him in the eyes and know just how much Eren can take.

...

He wishes it was Porco before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Where's Eren?"
> 
> It's not until Porco sees Helen's expression fall at the question that he realizes that he probably should have asked about her before Eren. But it can't be helped. That guy is drunk right now, and Porco lost count of just how many times Eren has made a dumb decision while drunk and almost got the three of them in some huge shit with the Marleyans (Okay, fine. Porco was also drunk at the time and egged him on. And it was only because Colt was just sober enough to stop them that they didn't all end up dead or worse). 
> 
> "He didn't say where he was going," Helen says evenly.
> 
> Porco sighs. "That's just like him. Sorry. I need to go find him."
> 
> "Why are you always so concerned about him?"
> 
> It's such a strange thing to ask. Why wouldn't Porco be concerned over Eren? And why must there be a "reason" to be worried about a friend? Especially one as accident-prone and trouble-magnet-ie as Eren is? But would something so unsatisfying be enough of an answer?
> 
> "You know, my brother is dead, too. He and Eren... Well, it's not quite like they were together or anything. But Eren really loved Marcel."
> 
> Helen tilts her head to the side. "So he's your brother's widow? And that's why you care?"
> 
> That's not the only reason. How could anyone think that that's the only reason? Of course, it's not just because of Marcel. Eren and Porco are just as close as Marcel and Eren were. Their relationships shouldn't be compared like that. At the end of the day, all three of them honestly wanted the best for each other. 
> 
> Why does there need to be a reason why?
> 
> "And I told you, we've known each other for forever. It comes with the territory."
> 
> She doesn't look all that satisfied with the answer. But it's not like the truth will change if he lies. Why does this matter anyways? He's wasting precious time to find Eren before he does something stupid. 
> 
> "Then if we're done here..."
> 
> "Do you think he's trustworthy?"
> 
> Porco doesn't even glance back at her. He snorts and tells her honestly, "Hell no. Why else do you think I need to go find him?"
> 
> Then he's off.


	14. how focused i've been without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please note that "Amputee Eren" has been added as a tag. It's not in this chapter, but will be in the upcoming chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's love."
> 
> Reiner stares blankly at Bertolt, who nods towards Marcel and Eren. The two of them have mischievous grins on their faces as they giggle and whisper lowly to each other. From how Porco keeps glancing at the two of them in cautious wariness, it's obvious that the two are probably going to pull a prank on him soon. 
> 
> To Reiner, this scene looks like how the trio are. The three of them impossibly close for anyone else to approach. 
> 
> "Oh, yeah. It's definitely love," Pieck agrees as she comes to join them.
> 
> Annie doesn't even glance up from the book that she's flipping through. "Love."
> 
> "H-how is it love?" Reiner can't help but to ask. 
> 
> Better yet, how can all of them tell right away when Reiner still can't tell? This is just how they've always been. 
> 
> "Isn't it just friendship?"
> 
> Pieck shakes her head. "No, no. Not between Marcel and Eren. You see how close they are? That's not friendship level. That's love. Friendship is what's between Porco and Eren."
> 
> "You can love friends," Reiner points out.
> 
> "When you love like that, it's past the lines for friendship."
> 
> When it's clear that Reiner doesn't get it, Pieck pityingly pats his shoulder.
> 
> "One day, you'll fall in love and you'll understand, too."
> 
> They're teasing him. That much is obvious. But Reiner can't help but to wonder exactly who these guys have fallen in love with that they can tell that Marcel and Eren loved each other.
> 
> "This isn't going to get solved between us," Reiner decides. "Let's go ask them."
> 
> And before anyone can stop him, he marches up to the trio to ask, "Do you love each other?"
> 
> Marcel's cheeks flush a dark red, and he suddenly can't meet anyone's eyes. But Eren?
> 
> Eren grins brightly like he always does and says, "Obviously! Marcel's my best friend!"
> 
> "Stop leaving me out!" Porco yells, immediately tackling Eren down to wrestle.
> 
> Reiner nods to himself, feeling satisfied. But when he turns back to look at everyone else to point out that he's right, he notes that everyone seems frozen in shock as they stare nervously at Marcel. And yeah, even Reiner sees it. The slightest touch of hurt in Marcel's smiles. 
> 
> This, Reiner wonders, is love?

Reiner, this asshole, stands patiently and waits for Eren to wipe his tears and calm himself. Eren would have preferred it if Reiner had thrown a fit. If Reiner had gotten mad that Eren couldn't return his feelings or even if it was something as simple as Reiner losing his temper at Eren for refusing to trust him. Or maybe even something as simple as Reiner leaving. Eren could have taken any of that. 

But Reiner continues to play the saint with a soft smile that seems much too sad.

Blame Eren. Get mad. Why the hell won't Reiner be anything but kind? Why can't he be more like Porco? Fight. Struggle. Don't just stand there and take it.

It's suffocating.

"C'mon, let's get out of here before someone thinks you made me cry again."

Reiner pauses for a second before smiling brightly. "I mean, I did make you cry. So it's-"

Eren kicks him lightly to shut him up. Instead of a familiar grin of challenge like Porco would have had before they fell into their typical routine of a light spar, Reiner laughs merrily.

"You're really cute when you're flustered."

"S-shut it!"

A small sound catches Eren's attention. Right. Alvaro. How did Eren forget? How much did that person hear? Damn it. Maybe Eren should just kill him instead of letting him go? No, Alvaro is an idiot. It should be fine. 

This has to be fine.

"By the way, how good are you with alcohol?" Eren asks in hopes of leading the conversation far away from anything Alvaro can use against him.

Reiner's expression falls. "Because of the titan healing, it's similar to drinking water."

"Then don't heal yourself. C'mon, let's see if I can out-drink our Hero."

It doesn't even occur to Eren that Reiner will take that the wrong way until Reiner sweeps him off his feet and in his arms. This damned oaf and his stupid bridal carries...

"Can I take that as an invitation?" Reiner asks with teasing grin.

"Put me down!"

*

This guy has to be healing himself. How else is he able to match Eren, drink for drink? And as if to mock Eren, Reiner keeps worriedly trying to stop him while showing absolutely no sign that he's getting smashed.

"D-don't you think you're drinking too much? Here, let's st-"

Eren snatches the cup of alcohol back and chugs it down. Then he grins at Reiner, waiting for Reiner to either match him or admit defeat. The other drunk soldiers (both Eldians and non-Marleyans. It seems they finally all warmed up to each other thanks to the drinks) holler and mock Reiner for wanting to back down. It's more or less how Eren has kept this challenge going when Reiner clearly doesn't want to. As always, this guy is super bad with the idea of "betraying expectations" of a large crowd.

Hero complex goes both ways.

With a small sigh, Reiner finishes his own. The other soldiers leap to fill their cups to the brim.

"I really think we should stop," Reiner says.

Eren sniggers.

"Oh? Are you admitting my victory, Mr. Hero?"

...

Or at least that's what Eren wanted to say. But he stumbles over his words, and everything out of his mouth seems to slur and run together. He's not too sure if he even made sense to anyone else listening in. But from how drunk everyone else is, he's sure it doesn't matter.

"You're going to have a hangover. Eren, if you're not careful, I'll..."

Hm? Why did Reiner suddenly stop talking? Actually, what's this chill? It feels a little like... murderous intent...?

The rosy warmth of alcohol disappears within seconds as Eren turns sharply to find the danger and...

Oh shit.

That's really dangerous.

Porco glares at the group gathered with a deep set scowl. Whatever merry mood everyone was in becomes replaced with fear. Eren gulps.

"This is over," Porco says with surprising calmness.

The others all scramble to get out of there, looking relieved when Porco doesn't snap at them. Eren stands to follow, except he underestimated just how much he drank. He stumbles a bit and is steadied by a firm body pressed against him.

"Thanks Rei..."

Porco, to his credit, doesn't lash out. He just tightens his hold on Eren and helps Eren stumble away from the crowd to a quieter area. The silence between them stretches uncomfortably until Eren can't take it anymore.

"You mad?" Eren asks.

"Yes."

It must be really bad if Porco admitted that out loud. Eren butts his head lightly against Porco's chin.

"Sorry."

"You don't even know what you're apologizing for," Porco growls.

And Eren's head isn't clear enough to think about exactly what he did wrong. Guessing around randomly is probably going to make Porco snap, especially if he can't get it right fast enough. So the best thing to do will be...

Eren stops the two of them and attempts to stand on his own. It goes about as well as he figured, and he ends up crashing back into Porco's hold. Porco's chest is broader than his now. They used to be similar sizes (Actually, Porco was smaller. Eren used to tease him that it was because Marcel stole all his food, to which Marcel pointed out that it was Eren who did that) and look at this unfairness. One day, Eren will bulk out, too. And then he's going to rub it in Porco's face...

Will Porco be alive by then?

"If you throw up on me, I'm going to kill you," Porco warns.

Eren grabs Porco by the face and examines very closely. Porco gives him a tired look but doesn't pull away. There doesn't seem to be that many wrinkles that Eren doesn't recall seeing before. But this can also be because of the low lighting of just the moon over them. Oh, and the alcohol. But you really shouldn't just blame everything on alcohol and-

"How long are you going to stare?" Porco snaps, cheeks slowly turning red.

He pulls himself free. But that knocks Eren's balance off. Seeing that, Porco quickly grabs him and pulls him back in to Porco's secure hold. But if they're standing like this, they won't be able to get anywhere.

Well, do they have to go somewhere? It's not like anyone's waiting for their return. So why don't they just take their time?

Eren wraps his arms around Porco and rests his head against Porco's shoulder. Softly, he hums under his breath.

"Hey, you're making it impossible to walk."

"Dance with me."

Porco can easily overpower him right now. With how drunk Eren is, he doubts he'll be able to resist much. But Porco doesn't force Eren to go wherever it is that he wanted to go. With a soft sigh like Eren is using up the last bit of his patience, he holds Eren tightly and moves to Eren's hums.

As Eren said, Porco has two left feet. But lucky for him, Eren is too drunk to be a good partner. It's probably more honest to say that they're swaying together than that they're dancing. After all, if Porco releases Eren even just a bit, Eren will fall down. And Porco'll end up stepping on Eren's toes and tripping over his own foot if they try anything more fancy than this.

"You're off-beat," Eren complains.

"And you're off-key," Porco grumbles.

The two laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

*

It's hot.

There's fire all around him, but that's all he registers of it.

It's hot.

Rather, that's all he can register. Because he doesn't have time nor resources to allocate any more of himself on the fire. Right now, all his focus is on his goal.

The familiar streets of Liberio are twisted with fire and debris. But he can't slow down to mourn the loss of his childhood. He'll do that properly once he has accomplished his goal. But until then, he can't allow himself to become distracted.

It's frustrating. He should be able to run faster than this. But it feels like his legs won't obey. Like...

Huh?

Is he missing...?

*

"What do you mean, escaped?!"

Ugh.

Eren blearily opens his eyes. Why are they yelling so loudly first thing in the morning? Thanks to Porco shoving water down Eren's throat (and a lot of bathroom usage), Eren doesn't have any hangover. But that doesn't mean he wants a loud yell to be his wake up call. Besides, aren't other people hung over?

The Warriors stayed over the night. But Magath will probably expect them back quickly. They should hurry back to make themselves presentable.

"Morning," Porco says, holding yet another cup of water.

Eren accepts it and chugs it down before attempting to speak. "What's going on?"

"Ah, the guy that Reiner caught yesterday apparently escaped. Zeke and Reiner are dealing with that, so don't worry about it. How are you feeling? Need meds?"

"No hangovers, if that's what you're worried about. Your vigilant mother-hening was most definitely what I needed," Eren says lightly.

Porco rolls his eyes. "You're welcome, you brat."

Eren passes the empty cup back so he can slowly stretch and get ready for the day. He notices that Porco is watching him warily and scowls.

"What?"

"You looked like you were having a nightmare."

Did he? Eren can't remember anything like that. To be honest, he feels pretty well rested. And if it wasn't for the rude awakening, he feels that he would have continued to sleep well. Wait, no. More importantly...

"I keep telling you to wake me up!"

"You woke up just fine, didn't you?" Porco growls. "It's not like you even remembered that you had one anyways."

Ass.

Eren grumbles complaints and wishes for a refund for a friend under his breath while getting ready to leave. As he does so, his annoyance ebbs and is replaced by the sudden realization that they're missing their friend.

"How's Colt?"

There's just a bit of guilt in the way Porco stands. It seems Porco forgot about taking care of their other friend because he hyper-focused on Eren.

Eren wonders why he feels so happy when Colt is probably suffering because of it.

"Don't grin, you sadist. In case you forgot, you're the reason why I couldn't go to check in on him," Porco says.

"Huh? Me?"

Porco's eyes light up with mischief. He grins widely and leans in close. "You don't remember? You latched onto me and refused to let me go anywhere. Any time I tried, you teared up and begged me to not leave you."

Eren feels his cheeks heat up even though he has no recollection of such embarrassing things. He shakes his head and tries to refute Porco. But that grin on Porco's face... He really clung onto Porco like that? N-no way, right? That's so embarrassing! Of everyone, why was it Porco? ... Well, it's better than Reiner, he supposes. But why couldn't he have latched on like that to Zeke instead? At least Zeke wouldn't use it against him like Porco is!

"And then..." Porco grabs Eren's cheeks and pulls. "You had the nerve to puke all over me, even after I told you I will kill you!"

"Did not!"

Porco releases his cheeks with a stink eye and points to the corner of the room where his beloved bomber jacket has been hung up to dry. Eren realizes that he's lost the argument.

"Want to go buying jackets together?"

Porco flicks Eren's forehead. "I don't want a new jacket, ass."

"Fine! Fine! I'll wash it for you!" Eren groans, rubbing the spot where he was hit.

"I already did that!"

"Then what do you want from me?!"

There's a small pause as if Porco didn't expect that. But whatever thing that popped into his head must have been something terrible, because Porco looks frustrated as he glares at the ground. Just what did he think of...?

"It's nothing. Shut up. Let's go get Colt."

Eren is curious, but he also knows that Porco won't budge. He'll have to bring it up later in a less tense setting.

*

"Good morning, Eren!" Reiner says with a beaming smile when he spots Eren in the morning. He all but rushes to Eren's side, looking quite like an overgrown dog. If he had a tail, Eren suspects it would have been wagging.

"How are you feeling? Any hangovers? Do you want meds?"

Eren waves the questions away. "I'm fine."

Reiner seems to relax at those words. He smiles, reminding Eren of last night when Reiner said that he wanted to... to...

Eren feels his cheeks heat up. He quickly look away in hopes that Reiner didn't see that. Damn it. Why did Reiner have to say something like that for? Now Eren can't get his mind out of the gutter.

"Oh? Isn't the atmosphere between you two reaaaally good?" Pieck asks as she glances at the two of them with an amused quirk of the brow. "Did you fight with Porco, Eren?"

Hey, is that really the only instance you can think of why Eren would hanging out with Reiner?

"We didn't fight. Porco's just being a jerk," Eren insists.

"You puked on me," Porco growls, kicking Eren's leg lightly.

Eren sticks his tongue out at him and receives another kick in answer.

"Good morning," the kids chorus tiredly.

Zeke looks like he's been through quite a lot in just one night. How badly did the kids push him? Or does this have more to do with Alvaro escaping? Knowing Gabi's pure bundle of energy, he's suspecting the former.

"You okay?" Eren asks him.

"Just craving my morning coffee."

*

Magath looks unimpressed at the group of them when he spots them returning from Base Rupes. He shakes his head but otherwise doesn't interact with them. Seeing that they've seemingly escaped his wrath for now, the members of the Warrior Division rush to clean up and get ready for the day.

*

"You guys were there all night. What do you mean you let the captured target escape?" Magath's second yells.

"With all due respect, that man didn't have any information that could have helped us. We also made sure to place him in such a way that he won't learn of our base's layout. There's nothing that man could have gotten from escaping," Zeke argues.

Assuming, of course, that Alvaro didn't see Reiner and Eren's talk. That's a can of worms Eren really doesn't know how to deal with.

Magath glances at Eren with a questioning look. Eren is assuming he's asking whether or not Eren did it, because Eren gives a small nod. Magath lets out a small sigh before turning to his second and Zeke.

"Yelling at each other isn't going to fix this issue. For now, we'll operate on the basis that the enemy knows everything that we know thus far. We'll start by doubling the security of Base Rupes," Magath decides.

"Yes sir."

*

"That was much lax than I thought Magath would be," Zeke remarks lightly over lunch.

Zeke is too sharp for his own good. Eren is honestly shocked that his brother hasn't put together the fact that he's a double agent. Perhaps it's just Zeke's own blinding trust? If Eren wasn't Zeke's little brother, would Zeke notice? Somehow, that seems sad, too.

"That's a good thing, isn't it? We won't get in trouble for drinking and partying last night," Eren points out.

"True..."

He probably shouldn't let Zeke mull over this any longer than necessary.

"By the way, how'd you manage to keep the kids in line? I thought for sure we'd have lost one come morning."

Zeke lets out a heavy sigh. "I did the one thing I promised I wouldn't do again because of what you did last time."

What Eren did...? Oh.

"You let them have a sip if they behave?"

His brother covers his face, clearly regretting his decision. Eren laughs and pats his brother's back.

"Lucky for you, these kids are good kids unlike me!"

Zeke groans. "Don't be proud of that!"

*

In the following weeks, the only thing that changes in Eren's life is Reiner.

It seems that Reiner has somehow gotten it into his head that it's fine to stand as close to Eren as he wants. And normally, Eren would be able to just shove him away without an issue, but... Every time he sees Reiner's smile, he's reminded of Reiner's confession. It freezes Eren just long enough for Reiner to settle by his side like this is where he belongs. And by then, Eren's blushing too hard to be able to tell Reiner off.

"Hey, I'm... not judging in any way, but... A-are you and Reiner a thing?" Pieck asks one day.

Her brows are furrowed in worry. And look, Eren gets it. He's the last person that someone as sweet as Reiner should be together with. Hell, his answer to most things is to punch Reiner in the face. And yeah, that's really not a good basis for a relationship. But it's not like he can admit the truth here, now can he?

"I-it's not..." Eren bites his tongue, feeling his cheeks burn. "It's not any of your business."

Pieck stares at him for a bit longer, clearly searching for something. Eren would rather her just say it than just staring like this.

"And... you actually like him, right? You're not... trying to get back at Porco or anything?"

... Huh?

Eren stares at her blankly. "Get back at Porco? For what? What the hell did he do? And why would I use Reiner for that? If it's a business between me and Porco, it stays our business."

Pieck lets out a soft sigh of relief.

"That's good. It worried me how distant Reiner always kept himself from the rest of us. I'm glad that he's finally taken the step to reach out to someone."

If she's really glad, then why does she still look uncomfortable? When he points that out, she gives him an uncertain smile.

"I guess... I'm just a little caught off-guard. I always thought that it would be you and Porco, you know? But Porco hasn't budged from his girl. And you have... Reiner."

"If you say that near Colt, you'll break his heart. The three of us are friends, Pieck. Nothing more. Nothing less."

Pieck sighs dramatically to cover up her feeling. "You won't even let a girl dream?"

"Get us away from your sick dreams!"

The two grin and laugh easily. Pieck even pats Eren's shoulder as if to silently congratulate him.

Eren wonders why this thread of conversation makes him so nauseous.

*

It isn't a lie to say that Eren expected Izan and the others to treat him differently. Whether it be because he saved Alvaro or because he snuck six of non-Marleyans into the Non-Marleyan Army. But none of them mention any of that.

Just a little, Eren feels a little sullen that they won't acknowledge that he accomplished these things. He knows it's childish, alright? But he can't help it. He put quite a lot of effort into getting this far. And it's all being ignored.

"Hm? You guys play chess?" Eren asks when he notices a board to the side.

The pieces are a mess. Eren can't think of actual players putting the pieces down like this on purpose or any possible way for normal players to be able to arrive in this kind of position. Then is there a bigger meaning to this...?

"Do you play?" Izan asks, suddenly interested.

"I know the rules, but I've never been able to defeat my brother." Eren pauses for a second before adding, "The pieces here seem pretty odd. Don't tell me you guys were doing battle plans with chess pieces?"

He meant it as a joke, but everyone else tenses up and stares at him like he said he'll blow this place up. If they react like that, then it becomes too clear what this is, doesn't it? And they want to bring Marley down? Please, learn to be discreet.

"Heh. Since you've already figured that far out, we might as well as involve you."

"I-Izan, is that really a good idea?"

But Izan doesn't seem to care. He motions for Eren to come close to the board. There's that animalistic grin on his face again. Eren doesn't like what this implies for him.

"We all already know that the Warriors have insane healing abilities. But we've never really tested that against our bombs. More specifically, firebombing. How long can a titan withstand being constantly bombed at? How many can they withstand?"

They can't have that many bombs lined up. And even if they do, are they seriously planning on wasting it all on a test?

"They'll just heal," Eren says with a shrug.

Izan clicks his tongue. "You're being unimaginative. How long does it take for them to heal from that kind of an extensive damage? Even if they don't die from it, we can learn valuable things. Such as, how much time does that buy us? Does their healing slow if they're constantly attacked? Is there any kind of limit to their ability?"

That doesn't sound good at all. Experimentation is one thing, but risking the Warriors' lives like that? Eren himself doesn't know what the answer to the questions Izan is asking. Perhaps because of that, he feels reluctance settle in his chest.

"In our next attack, we'll pull one of the Warriors away to the cliff side where a team will be waiting with explosives. We'll see for ourselves exactly how strong a Warrior's healing is."

"The others will rescue whoever you isolate like that. There won't be much time to experiment in that scenario," Eren points out.

Izan clicks his tongue. "What do you think you'll be doing then? You handle keeping everyone distracted until we run out of explosions."

No, more so than that... Eren needs to stop them from choosing a random Warrior. In this kind of situation, someone without any kind of defense like Zeke and Pieck would definitely be in a greater danger than Porco or Reiner.

"By the way, how are you planning on dragging just one Warrior away? What are you going to do if just one doesn't come or if no one comes?"

There's a sharp look on Izan's face. Did he really think that Eren wouldn't ask about something this important? Depending on who they're aiming for and what strategy they use, it's possible that none of the Warriors will move. It's just a heads up that Eren is offering, but it's possible that Izan's taking it as Eren is prying for information he shouldn't have.

"We have our ways," is all Izan will say.

But with that admission, Izan revealed just how little they still trust Eren.

*

"... is what he said," Eren reports to Magath.

"They certainly know how to be a pain in the ass," Magath grumbles. "So then what's your conclusion? Do we let them have this experiment? Or do we shut it down?"

Eren finds himself grinning widely. "Come on, Commander. We can't allow them to think that we're so careless to allow our Warriors to get caught so easily."

"How nasty," Magath's second remarks. But he's grinning lightly, so Eren thinks that he might also be warming up to Eren.

"Besides, if they can do something like that this without an issue, then I'll be out of a job as a useful spy. So I'd appreciate it if we could make it as impossible for them to isolate any of our Warriors."

"Then it should be Zeke and Pieck teamed up and Reiner and... Oh, M-maybe not Reiner and Porco..." The second frowns, trying to figure this out.

Magath glances at Eren and motions. Tch. Eren has to come up with something? Well, even if he complains, he already has a pretty good idea on how it should be.

"It's safer to go with Pieck-Reiner and Zeke-Porco teams. One, because it divides up the titans that can act as shields for maximum protection. Two, this formation minimizes internal conflict. And three, it makes sure someone stupid is always with someone smart."

Both Magath and his second have looks on their faces that says that they know exactly what Eren is talking about. Good. At least Eren doesn't have to explain that any further. He doesn't mind embarrassing Reiner, but he'd like people to not think Porco's a bad Warrior.

"Then we'll work with that in mind. Keep us updated on any changes."

"Yes sir."

*

Someone's cold hand is resting against Eren's forehead. It feels nice and comforting. Eren opens one eye and is greeted with the sight of four curious pairs of eyes. Seeing that he's awake, Falco pulls his hand back with a relieved smile.

"Are you slacking?" Gabi asks, poking Eren's cheek.

"Everyone else is working hard," Zofia adds.

Udo shakes his head. "For shame, Eren."

"M-maybe he was tired," Falco says, coming to Eren's defense.

To be honest, Eren is slacking. His meeting with Magath ended earlier than the drills, so he dozed off in the shade of this tree. He's not too sure how much time has passed. But seeing that the drills are still in progress, he figures the kids are on their break.

"I slept terribly last night," Eren whines. "I need all the rest I can get!"

The four glance at one another. Then hesitantly, they turn back to Eren like they're not sure if asking this is appropriate.

"Did uh... Reiner not treat you right?" Gabi asks, brows furrowing.

"Reiner? I was with Porco," Eren says. "Why would you think Reiner?"

The four relax. "Oh, that's why. That makes sense then."

Wait, why does it make sense that Eren would have a terrible night if he's with Porco? Guys, explain yourselves better!

"I mean, you and Porco fight all the time," Zofia says with a shrug.

Udo nods in agreement. "So it makes sense that you'd have a terrible night if you spent it with Porco."

"G-go back to why you think I was with Reiner," Eren says.

"Pieck said you two are together," Falco answers without much fanfare.

Gabi grins widely. "That means you'll be a Braun soon, right?"

What? No. Gabi, don't just change Eren's name like that. If anything, the name change should be... Wait! Why are they changing names for?!

"Hm? Aren't you two going to get married?" Gabi asks as if that's the most obvious things in the world. "We'll be real family. Not like Falco's fake one."

Falco shoots her a hurt look but doesn't seem to know how to counter that. To be honest, Eren himself isn't sure how to deal with this situation before him either. 

"Wait, can Reiner clean? If so, wouldn't it be Reiner who becomes a Jaeger? Gabi, you still won't be a real family with Eren in that case," Zofia points out.

Gabi lets out a loud shout of disbelief. "Eren, you need to brush up on your cleaning skills! Don't let anyone take away your wife duties!"

Eren buries his face in his hands.

"All of you are forbidden from talking to me."

"Ehhhh?! What's with that! Eren!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I suppose we'll be spending quite a lot of time together," Zeke says with a light laugh after Commander Magath tells them of the newest partnering system.
> 
> And it's not like Porco wants someone specific to be his partner. But he feels like this set up seems too much like the higher ups don't trust him. Like they put Zeke here to keep his eyes on him. Then again, it's not quite like Porco wants to be paired up with Pieck either. And don't get him started on Reiner...
> 
> Why are all the current Warriors such pain to deal with?
> 
> "I'll try not to hold you back," Porco says.
> 
> Zeke laughs and hits Porco's back. "Don't be so stiff! Just be your regular self. It's fine."
> 
> But there's still some level of formality that he should show, isn't there? Even if Zeke is Porco's friend's brother, it doesn't change the fact that he is their War Chief. Since Porco doesn't bother with respect when they meet in familiar settings, he should at least try during their Warriors meetings and whatnot.
> 
> "Aren't you a bit too lax?" Porco wonders.
> 
> "Well, I know you, Porco. Besides, if Eren hears that I demanded respect from you, he'd probably get mad at me."
> 
> Porco finds himself grinning despite himself. More so than mad, Eren would be exasperated. He'd give his big brother an annoyed growl and shake his head at the "childishness" of it all. 
> 
> "But this does complicate the matters for your first date, doesn't it?" Zeke asks.
> 
> "Huh? First date?"
> 
> Zeke nods. "Because Eren got in the way of it the first time around. But since we're forbidden from going anywhere without the other, you'll end up with an uncomfortable chaperone for your date."
> 
> Ah. That's right. Porco forgot about that. He should probably reschedule that... Except wait. Zeke's right. Who wants to be on a date where someone else will be forced to tag along? That's the perfect excuse for Porco to dodge another date until Magath gets his head out of his ass long enough to stop this ridiculous partnering (Seriously, why the hell do they need partners all of a sudden?). 
> 
> "It's fine. We'll just wait until the war is over or something. It was bad of me to ask someone out when we should've been focused on this."
> 
> Zeke's expression looks sad. Not pitying. Just... mourning something.
> 
> Porco doesn't get why. He's feeling pretty great for not having to think more on a date.


	15. how lucky i've been without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their missions become routine. 
> 
> Marcel, Annie, and Reiner are the initial attack group to bring down the defenses of their enemies. Zeke then provides them with artillery support. And once they send the signal, Pieck brings Bertolt in for an explosive wipe-out. 
> 
> There's no need for anyone else. They are the only weapons Marley can possibly need. 
> 
> Go in, decimate their enemy, and return home. 
> 
> There's no greater honor than the celebration of victory waiting for them at home. There's no greater joy than his mom's smiles and cheerful "My little hero." The passerbyers' praises and ruffles of his hair makes him beam. 
> 
> It makes him pity Porco, Eren, and Colt. The three of them are left behind despite being part of the Warrior Division. Although they're technically part of the celebrations and festives, they never really feel like it. Instead, the three of them quietly hang back. It's not until everything is over that Porco and Eren run off to join Marcel, who always looks like he resents all the celebration. And effortlessly, the three of them grin like nothing is wrong.
> 
> The trio as always, united. The world returning to its status quo.
> 
> "They're leaving me behind," Marcel admits one day softly while they're on a mission.
> 
> It's just the Warriors together. They're on their way to their next destination to destroy. And Marcel suddenly drops that line.
> 
> Reiner watches in amazement as both Zeke and Pieck assures Marcel that Porco and Eren are most definitely not leaving Marcel behind. Annie glances at him for a second before standing up and physically moving away. A clear sign that she doesn't care nor wants to hear more. Bertolt just awkwardly glances at Reiner as if silently asking him what to do. Reiner shrugs in answer. 
> 
> Marcel doesn't seem to notice any of them. He has his head buried in his hands, quite possibly struggling to hold back the tears.
> 
> Reiner can't wrap his mind around it.
> 
> Marcel has two precious people in his life that means the world to him. What's there to be so depressed about? What's there to be so upset about? Why isn't Marcel always happy? He has everything Reiner ever wanted. But if Marcel gets upset like this, then what the hell does that make Reiner who doesn't even have half of what Marcel does?
> 
> "It won't be long. One day, I'll come home to find that there's no room left for me. I... thought I was ready for that. I thought I was prepared. It only makes sense. Of course, I'll die first. I only have 13 years. But it's painful to watch them become closer and closer."
> 
> Both Zeke and Pieck falls silent. The looks on their faces say clear that they know exactly what Marcel is talking about. But Reiner doesn't understand that. Reiner can't quite grasp exactly why Marcel is feeling down.
> 
> "They're still closest to you," Reiner points out. "Aren't you guys best friends?"
> 
> "Putting Porco aside since he's my brother, I... I don't want to be friends with Eren. I want... I want to be more. I thought he felt the same. But he... he's..."
> 
> "I'll talk to him," Zeke says firmly. He puts a hand on Marcel's shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. "Eren's surprisingly slow when it comes to his own feelings. You'll see. He does want you, too, Marcel."
> 
> For the first time in a long while, Marcel looks hopeful. And not for the first time, Reiner wonders what it means to love someone.

In the months that pass, Eren's greatest joy is watching Izan and the others look more and more frustrated.

He had to watch his brother's face fall into confused despair when the higher ups announced that they never received Eren's request for leave for the holidays. He had to pretend that he was fine with not having a vacation and cheerfully wave goodbye. He had to watch everyone else take their vacation time in pairs for short duration in those months. All but Reiner, because of course, Reiner didn't submit any paperwork for leave (At the very least, that didn't look like it was on purpose. Reiner looked genuinely surprised to see that Eren would be staying behind, too).

So if Eren has to suffer through this, then they should, too.

The mark is a year and five months since the war began when Izan finally snaps.

"Can you do it?"

Eren lazily looks at him with a teasing smile. "Do what?"

"Call one of the Warriors out. For our experiment."

"Ehhh? I thought you had someone who was going to take care of that for you?" Eren says, being difficult on purpose. "I thought you didn't need a filthy Eldian like me."

Izan looks like he's a second away from hitting Eren. Okay, he should probably stop before he gets killed.

"It's going to be super difficult, you know. How am I supposed to get just one Warrior to follow me if you guys couldn't do it?"

"Figure it out," Izan grits out.

Eren makes a show of sighing dramatically. "Aren't your expectations of me waaaaaay too high?"

"Then what about this? If you do this right, I'll introduce you to our General."

... Huh? Just like that? Isn't that way too easy? All Eren has to do is pick one of the Warriors to get firebombed (Obviously, Reiner) and he gets to meet the enemy's General?

Hell yeah, sign him up!

"It might take me some time to set this up," Eren says.

After all, he's going to not only have to convince Magath but also Reiner. Even though he gets an inkling of a feeling that Reiner will rush to do as he asks, he also doesn't feel too comfortable asking someone to put their life on the line like that for his sake.

"That's fine. But if you can do it, we'll acknowledge you as our own," Izan says.

Eren really hopes that this man is the type of person who keeps his word.

*

"Reiner, are you stupid? What part of stay in pairs did you not understand?" Eren asks when he spots Reiner waiting for him alone.

If Izan and the others knew about this, they would never have given Eren a deal to meet their General. No, they'd just wait by the side of the road for Reiner to walk by... Wait. Do they even know that Reiner is a Warrior? Sure, Reiner has a different colored armband. But do non-Eldians pay attention enough to know what that color means?

"But if I'm not your cover, you'd be in trouble, right?"

Eren doesn't have a good answer to that. "Yeah, yeah. Have you eaten? Want to grab dinner before we go back?"

"Yeah!" Reiner pauses as if realizing something. With a hesitant look, he says, "Y-you know you don't have to go out of your way to do that, right? You don't owe me anything. You don't have to make yourself uncomfortable for my sake."

"What's that? You're buying dinner? Sounds great. Maybe I'll ask for the most expensive thing on the menu."

Reiner stares at him blankly for a second before he relaxes. There's a light blush dusting his cheeks as he chuckles. "Thank you."

"Don't know what you're talking about. C'mon. Let-"

"The fuck are you two doing?"

Reiner and Eren turn to see Porco, who is seething at them. From the casual way that Porco is dressed, it's clear that he hasn't been on duty for a while. Then what's he doing out here? And where's Zeke?

... Don't tell Eren that this idiot saw Reiner standing out here alone and ran out alone? Do neither of these two idiots realize why the partner system has been set in place?

"We're getting dinner," Eren says honestly. "What are you doing? You know all Warriors are supposed to walk around in pairs."

Porco points at Reiner. "The hell you think this guy's doing then? Dinner? Are you kidding me? Just eat at the headquarter. As you've said, we're supposed to be going around in pairs. Last I checked, you aren't a Warrior."

Eren has nothing he can say in response. He finds himself sulking at the rough treatment, even though he knows it's justified.

"Hey, if you're here and I'm here, then where are Zeke and Pieck?" Reiner asks.

Porco's expression freezes. Eren is certain that his own face is reflecting the alarm on Porco's.

"L-let's hurry and find them!"

*

Zeke and Pieck, because they're both smart and sensible people, are reading together in the commons area. It seems the minute they realized that their assigned partners have disappeared, they did the correct thing of waiting together to minimize any potential attacks. Eren lets out a sigh of relief when he sees them.

"Oh, welcome back. How was your date?"

Pieck has a neutral smile that makes Eren think that she doesn't really approve. Yeah, well Pieck, get in line.

"You two were on a date?" Porco asks, his voice dripping in venom.

And what the hell's this guy's issue? Oh. Is it because Reiner shouldn't have been out alone? Although that makes perfect sense, it ticks Eren off. Where the hell does Porco get off on being judgmental? He bets that Porco has been sneaking out to see his girlfriend. At least Porco was out having fun. But Eren? He was dealing with the stupid spy mission, so you're welcome!

"Shove it. I bet you go out all the time to be with your girl. Why can't others have fun, too?" Eren snaps.

Hm? Why is everyone looking at Eren like that? Did he say something wrong?

"E-Eren, Porco hasn't gone any dates since we started the partner system," Zeke says, looking worried. "This system was set up to stop any attack on a Warrior who is alone. If you and Reiner were alone together, then that's inviting trouble."

Shit.

Porco hasn't...? Eren covers his face. He messed up. He just assumed and got mad like a child. He is clearly in the wrong here. And even if Zeke is trying not to point fingers, it's clear that he's worried about the situation before him. Damn it, Reiner. If you would just think for two seconds...

He pulls his hands down from his face.

"I'm sorry. I childishly lashed out without knowing anything."

Porco looks like his anger has cooled somewhat. He looks away from Eren, shielding his expression so that Eren can't figure out what he's feeling.

"Eren, I understand that you just wanted some time alone with Reiner. But do you see how dangerous that could have been? You two were lucky you didn't come under attack."

Zeke's worry must have hit a boiling point. He's starting to sound angry. Damn it. The last thing Eren wants is for his spying mission to be discovered because of something dumb like this. At the very least, he supposes this entire discussion will be moot soon. He just needs to report to Magath about the meeting with the enemy's General that he was promised.

"I'm sorry, too," Reiner says. He moves so that he's standing in front of Eren as if to protect him from Zeke's slowly fraying patience. "It was my fault that I believed my armor to be strong enough to protect Eren, no matter the attack. I realize that that was overconfident of me. I'm sorry for worrying you."

Zeke doesn't look very happy about those words, but he looks a little more at ease. Is Reiner's words more comforting than Eren's? Zeke, isn't that backwards?

"Just... be more aware," Zeke tells the two of them.

"Oh, I know! If you guys still want to go on dates, why don't you just go on a double date?" Pieck suggests.

When they all stare at her blankly, she makes a show of sighing and shaking her head at them.

"Double date. You know? When two couples go on a date together? This way, you guys still have two Warriors while still being able to go on a date. Jeesh, get with the times, you guys."

Hey, what the hell are they doing in the middle of a war? Is that really something that they should prioritize? Eren is fine with them just saying that they won't go on any more "dates" and let this just be forgotten through time. But Zeke's eyes are all shinny and happy as he nods enthused.

"That's a wonderful idea, Pieck! Now you two can be with your loved ones without feeling awkward about any third wheels and you won't be in danger."

This is a bad idea. There's absolutely nothing here that seems anything remotely like a good idea. But when Eren's eyes catch sight of Porco's, he finds himself speaking before he can think.

"Sure. Let's do it. When's Helen free?"

*

"Their General? So soon?" Magath's second asks in disbelief.

"But this attack could potentially make it so that one of our Warriors will be out of commission for a while," Eren reminds them.

"The Armored Titan is strong enough to survive any kind of explosions they throw our way," Magath's second laughs. "This is great! We'll get you some poison. And you can get rid of their General in that meeting."

Magath shakes his head. "There's no guarantee that it'll actually be their General. We'll tread carefully as we have been."

"It also makes me uncomfortable the circumstances of how it was asked of me. This isn't a test. They're desperate," Eren says.

Mentally, he adds that desperate people are dangerous. But surely even Marleyans understand that, right?

"It'll be best that we hold it off for as long as we can."

The second shakes his head. "No, no, no. This is our chance. We should be pushing forward."

Eren doesn't understand why Magath looks like he's actually considering what his second is saying. Isn't it obviously stupid? Magath said so himself. They should tread carefully. They should take the time to figure out every little detail before committing to anything.

Or is this because they believe their titans to be undefeatable? Because they believe that there's nothing in the world that can defeat them?

Because they've never seen any of the Warriors as human that will be hurt when they're put under that kind of explosive fire?

"Get in contact with Izan. Set it up for next week," Magath decides. "We'll decide on the rest of the detail with the rest of the Warriors."

*

"Wow, someone's in a nasty mood," Yelena remarks as she smirks at Eren.

Eren has been enjoying sulking by himself while watching the drills, so if she could leave him alone, he'd be grateful. But in the same breath, it's not like Yelena to come check on him when he's down. Sure, the Non-Marleyan Army have more or less warmed up to the Eldian counterpart (It threw the six that Eren snuck in to the army for a loop when they realized that they had to play along. Aside from Onyankopon, who seems to be good enough on his feet and friendly enough to be able to play the part, the others eventually got caught and 'disappeared.'), but it's not like they go out of their way to check on each other like this... Or at least, Eren didn't think they did.

He's a little touched by the gesture.

"Ehhhh? Are you worried about little old me?" he asks her with an easy grin.

She returns his grin with one of her own. "The little ones were worried about you but couldn't get away from their instructor. I personally think you're old enough to not need little children, or me for that matter, to look after you, but hey, what does a non-Eldian know?"

Eren finds himself laughing despite himself. Seeing that, she comes to stand next to him to watch the drills with a small smile on her face. A pleasant silence settles between them for a bit. Then she opens her mouth.

"I've always wondered... How come you never join in the drills? Are you injured somewhere?"

"Nothing of the sort. My family runs a clinic, so it's expected of me to help out the medics here. You'll notice that Zeke's usually not involved in the drills either."

She lets out a soft "Oh" of understanding. "And here, I thought you were a fragile maiden, waiting for your prince to come dashing to cheer you up."

"And who's supposed to be my prince?"

Eren doesn't appreciate the way Yelena laughs without answering his question. Another comfortable silence settles between them. They watch the drills before them for a bit longer before Eren speaks up.

"Hey, thanks for checking in on me."

She surprises him by ruffling his hair. "We're comrades who'll die on the battlefield together. This is the least I can do."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you rather liked my words," Eren teases.

"That's because I did."

Eren shuts his mouth with a surprised clack and stares at her blankly. Slowly, he feels his cheeks heat up, which makes her laugh.

"We are those who have lost our country and home. The idea of 'comrades' is something we had to abandon. But here's a small cat telling us that he'll protect us. How can we not respond in kind?"

He doesn't know how to react. He thinks his face might be turning even redder. He thinks he might have to say something. But his mind is drawing a blank. What is he supposed to say? What is he supposed to do? He...

Yelena's smile turns mischievous. "So instead of sulking and waiting for your prince, why don't you go find him yourself?"

*

And just who the hell is supposed to be Eren's "prince" anyways? He feels grouchy that she pretty much forced him to leave his spot so that she can sit down. There were plenty of space back there. They could have both sat comfortably!

The sound of light laughter catches his attention. Normally, he wouldn't have glanced twice at such sounds. But he recognizes that laugh.

It's Porco.

He curiously peers around the corner and is rewarded with the sight of Porco laughing with the other soldiers, both Eldians and not. It looks like a fun joke was just shared. Eren always thought that Porco has more of a scowl when he deals with other people. But this makes it clear that Porco can get along with other people if he tries. Look how open that laugh looks. For a usual grumpy bug, he looks like he's having a blast.

Eren grins.

"And then this one time, seven-year-old Eren really wanted to eat sweets, right? Well, he-"

... Wait a sick minute! Is that blast at the expense of Eren's dignity?!

Eren rushes over to cover Porco's mouth before the rest of that embarrassing story comes tumbling out. The other soldiers burst out laughing at how red Eren is.

"S-shut up! Shut up! The hell do you think you're telling people?"

Porco's eyes are shining in mischief as he licks Eren's hand in an attempt to free his mouth. Eren is embarrassed to say that it works. He yelps and pulls his hand back, glaring at Porco all the while. Porco dares to grin at him like this is his victory.

"Just letting people know how cute you are."

"But why?"

Porco makes a show of shaking his head and sighing dramatically. "And here, you always lecture about getting to know the people you'll die with on the battlefield. Was that just pretty words, Eren? Did you not mean it at all?"

When Porco uses his own words against him like that, Eren finds it hard to say anything back. Even if it's petty, there has to be something that he can say! He wrecks his brain for something and comes up frustratingly blank.

"Y-you could've just... a-asked me," he mumbles, feeling his face burn.

The laughter gets louder as some soldiers even smack Eren's back like that's supposed to be supportive.

"You're really cute alright!" they say.

It doesn't make Eren happy at all.

"W-want to know what's even cuter?" he finally manages to say. "When Porco was five, he saw a goat for the first time at the traveling zoo and-"

"Whoa! Whoa! There's no need to bring that up!" Porco yells, covering Eren's mouth as quickly as he can.

Aha! Revenge!

Eren sticks his tongue out and licks Porco's hand. But this bastard dares to not even blink at the grossness of it all.

Instead, he grins widely and whispers, "Guess what my hand touched before this?"

Gross. Gross. Gross.

Eren doesn't know exactly what Porco touched, but he most definitely knows his friend well enough that it was something disgusting. Porco cackles, but at the very least, Eren knows his hands are clean... Well, cleaner than Porco's.

Resentfully, he pulls himself free and glares at Porco, who continues to laugh merrily.

"Wow, you two sure are close," Onyankopon remarks with a cheerful smile.

How much of what he sees right now is going to get reported to Izan? How much of this is considered "vital" information?

"No way, we're not close at all!" Eren says at the same time Porco says, "Damned straight, we are!"

The two of them stop and glance at one another in shock. As if feeling the sudden shift in the atmosphere, the other soldiers stop laughing. Onyankopon is watching. If Eren says too much, he'll end up giving himself away. But in the same breath, he can't bear to see that hurt expression on Porco's face again. The last time he pushed on and ignored Porco's feelings, he ended up in a spiral of lies that chokes him every time he breaths.

So this time, he's going to pause for Porco.

"Oh come on, Porco! We both know that 'close' isn't close enough to describe our distance!"

That's relief in Porco's eyes. Relief and joy. Porco ducks his head just a bit, letting out a soft chuckle that sounds way too happy for such simple words. Then he throws an arm around Eren's shoulders with a wide grin on his face.

"Haha! What did I tell you? The cutest guy you'll ever meet, right?"

Eren wonders why his cheeks feel so warm. It's just Porco being silly, so why does he feel like he just won a fight? Why is his heart racing so much? Why does he feel like he won't be able to stop grinning for a while?

"Friendship sure is nice!" Onyankopon says brightly.

Right.

Right.

This is friendship. Of course, this is friendship. What else will it be? He and Porco have been friends since forever and a half.

So why does those words hurt him so?

*

Next week Thursday.

That's when Helen will be next free to go on a date.

Then at the very least, Eren should hold off on Reiner's death sentence until after Thursday.

With that in mind, he approaches Izan.

"Some time after next Thursday?" Izan asks. He seems to pause for a bit to think about something before he nods. "Alright. Then next Friday will do."

That soon?

Maybe Eren should have pushed it a bit more? But he feels like Magath wouldn't have approved. Damn it. Why is everyone around him trying to hurry everything along so much? The war has already been going on for nearly a year and a half. Are they suddenly realizing just how taxing it is to be in a war?

"But I'm shocked you were able to set it up so quickly. I did hear rumors of it... You are... 'close' to one of the Warriors, are you not? Don't tell me you're doing something as cruel as sacrificing him? Or maybe you're putting your big brother on the chopping block? You Eldians never cease to amaze me."

So Onyankopon reported that incident, huh? Then it's safe to assume that anything that Onyankopon saw is something that the enemy knows. He should make a note of that to use later. Let's see, what kind of fun chaos can they cause with this?

"Eh? You're surprised by that? But I thought you already knew what us Eldians are like... Don't tell me you started thinking of me as human, Izan?"

The frozen expression on Izan's face is not what Eren expected to see.

This guy... Did he actually...?

"For an Eldian, you're not bad. That's all," Izan says, trying to play it off like he doesn't care.

Eren sniggers. "I'm going to warn you now, Izan. My standards are quite high."

"Shut it, you."

It's not impossible, Eren can't help but to think. From both the non-Marleyan Army and from Izan just now, he was able to confirm that it is possible for people to consider Eldians as humans. Sure, it might take some time. It might even take some outside circumstances to force them.

But it's not impossible.

*

"W-wait a minute. We've been working so hard to avoid this very trap. Why are we engaging them all of a sudden?" Zeke asks when Magath makes the announcement to everyone of the Warrior Division.

Typically, these types of meetings will only be limited to the Warriors. But Magath must have thought that Eren needed to be here, because the Commander is giving him a pointed look as if to tell him to console his brother later. The only ones not here are the kids, but that has more to do with Eren requesting that the kids be kept out of this.

Funny how his requests are suddenly getting an ear now that he might have a chance to meet with the General, right?

"The first is to test exactly how powerful their explosions have gotten. The second is to figure out their current arsenal. And lastly, it's to show everyone that the titans are undefeatable," Magath's second announces.

Where does that confidence come from? They already know that it's possible for the titans to be defeated. They've learned that the hard way from the mission to Paradis. Was it really not enough that they lost three of their Warriors in that five year span? They have to risk another Warrior's life for something as meaningless as this?

"I understand," Reiner says as if he's not bothered by what this could lead to.

It's frustrating.

The reason why Reiner has to play such a role in the first place is because of Eren. It wasn't enough that he forced Reiner to cover for him from the others, now he's forcing Reiner to risk his life for such a dumb reason as meeting the enemy's General? Just how much more of a villain is he going to be? How much more is he going to take from Reiner?

"It's only for an hour," Magath continues. "That hour should be more than enough to declare to the world that we are still the strongest. The rest of the Warriors will wait on standby to aid in your escape afterwards. All you have to do is survive the explosions for one hour."

But if the anti-titan weapon were deployed and it successfully pierced through Reiner's Armored...

Colt squeezes Eren's shoulder and gives him an encouraging smile. Eren appreciates the gesture, but it doesn't lessen his guilt in the slightest.

*

His hand catches the hem of the back of Reiner's jacket as they're leaving the meeting room. Reiner glances back at him curiously, but stops walking so that the two of them will be left behind in the hall. As if understanding what they're trying to do, the others go on ahead. But Eren knows them a bit too well. They're probably all watching somewhere hidden.

But at this point in time, he doesn't want to think about that.

He wants to properly apologize to Reiner.

"We go on our date before the mission, right?" Reiner says lightly. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Are you really?"

Reiner lets out a small, uncomfortable laugh. "Don't laugh? But Helen... reminds me a bit of Kris... Historia."

"The holder of the Attack Titan?" Eren asks, surprised.

From how Reiner described her, she sounded like the type of person who was too good to be true. That doesn't sound like Helen. At least, not from what Eren has seen of her. Perhaps Reiner just doesn't understand girls? 

"Yeah. They both have long blonde hair."

Eren closes his eyes to hold back a groan. Reiner, what the hell? Are you seriously saying something as dangerous as a rouge titan shifter is like Porco's girlfriend just because they have the same hairstyle? Please, grow up. Even Porco isn't that stupid.

Continuing this line of conversation is going to give him a headache. Eren takes a deep breath and opens his eyes.

"The mission next week... Marley is asking you to die."

Reiner stays quiet for a second before he lets out a soft, "So it is that."

Eren rests his forehead against Reiner's back. It's not fair how sturdy Reiner's back feels. It makes Eren want to believe that things will be fine. That Reiner will be able to survive the bombing, no matter how many times he is attacked. There's no need to worry. The Armored Titan was made for something like this.

"It... feels really good to have you worry about me," Reiner admits.

Without hesitation, Eren punches the small of Reiner's back, earning himself a small chuckle.

"I wondered where Gabi learned that. It was you, huh?"

"Shut up. I only teach good things to the kids. She learned it from Porco."

No wait. That's not what he wanted to say. He doesn't want to get side-tracked. Damn it, Reiner. Don't change the topic.

"Are you really okay with this? There's a good chance that you won't make it out alive. T-then... it's possible that your last day will be-"

Reiner turns around suddenly, forcing Eren to jerk back. A scowl begins to form on Eren's lips for being interrupted, but the serious expression on Reiner's face makes him lose steam.

"What's with that? Eren, I'm the Armored Titan. Do you have that little faith in me?"

"Armored or not, you're still the weakest person out of all us. I would be more assured if it was someone like Porco but you're not. You don't even fight against me. How am I supposed to believe you'll be okay?"

He hates that look of hurt on Reiner's face. That look of disappointment. But what else is Eren supposed to think? Since returning... No, since they were children, Reiner has always been dead last. And it's clear that returning from the mission in Paradis didn't change him in the slightest when it comes to matters of survival.

But in the same breath, that's not why he brought this up. He didn't just say all that to make Reiner feel like shit.

He wants to apologize. And this is clearly not anywhere close to that.

A frustrated sigh leaves his mouth as he angrily runs his fingers through his hair.

"T-that's not... Augh! Why is it so hard to talk to you? Reiner, what I mean is that I'm here for you. I want you to live past that. Of course, I do. But it's possible that you won't. For all we know, the anti-titan weapons are completed and this is their attempt at testing it out. So... so..."

Eren grabs Reiner by the front of his shirt and yanks him down so that they're more at eye-level. There. Now it feels like they're more on equal grounds.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do. So anything you want, just ask me."

There's a blank expression on Reiner's face. It doesn't inspire confidence in the slightest. Was that the wrong thing to say? Should Eren have come up with an actual apology? Perhaps this was in poor taste? Hey, Reiner, if you don't say anything, Eren isn't going to understand!

"A-anything?" Reiner stammers out in a hoarse whisper.

His voice is lower than usual, Eren notes. In fact, his expression is really dark. No, not dark. Just... hooded. Like he's doing everything he can to not let Eren read him. Like whatever it is that he wants, he knows that Eren would reject it. Just what kind of messed up things does he want? Does he want Eren to get down on his hands and knees and apologize for all the times he beat him up? Or maybe he'll force Eren to hand over all of his hot chocolate and sweets? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but it's a bit too late to take things back. 

"Anything," Eren promises.

Reiner makes the smallest of movements of leaning in. And Eren is prepared this time. Oh, is that it? That's all Reiner wants? Hah. That's cute. Compared to the horrors of losing all of his sweets, this is nothing. Jeesh, Reiner. You could've had anything and this is what you decided on? Simple Reiner. This is why you'll never be anything better than dead last.

Eren closes his eyes and waits.

In one moment, Eren is getting ready to give away his first kiss to Reiner, of all people. And in the next, something yanks him harshly back by the back of his collar.

It makes him flail straight into Porco's chest, where the asshole pretends that he didn't just choke Eren by steadying Eren against him. Porco's eyes are set on Reiner, lips drawing back into a scowl. The hell is he getting so mad for when he's the intruder here?

"Let's not keep everyone else waiting any longer," Zeke says.

Waiting? What's Zeke talking about? Everyone's over there, watching all this unfold. The only ones missing are the kids, and boy, is that a can of worms Eren does not want to deal with. 

Zeke has one hand on Reiner's shoulder, squeezing possibly with more force than strictly necessary. Because that look on Reiner's face is one of pain and possibly fear.

"Was there really a reason to interfere like this?" Eren asks Porco and his brother.

"We're going to be late," is all Zeke will say.

Late for what?

And Porco...

The guy rounds on Eren, redirecting all of his anger. Eren recognizes that look and gets ready to counter whatever Porco throws. It's probably a kick. Porco will definitely come at him with a-

Porco reels back and smashes his forehead against Eren's. And they've joked about it a thousand times, you know. That Porco has a hard head. That his head is just like a rock. But Eren most definitely didn't need a confirmation like this.

"Ow! What the hell?! What is your problem?"

"Who the hell promises anything? Are you stupid?"

No, being mad about that is more stupid than anything else! Eren is about to snap back, but his head is ringing. He stumbles a bit and clutches his head. Damn it, that really hurt!

"H-hey, are you okay?"

Porco grips Eren's arm in an effort to steady him. If Eren's head wasn't hurting so much, he would have tried to headbutt him back. But as it is, he doesn't want to risk losing any more brain cells by doing something like that.

"You are the worst," Eren groans as he leans heavily on Porco.

"S-sorry. I... didn't think it would hurt that much."

"Of course, it'd hurt that much! Your head is a literal rock!"

Porco rolls his eyes. "It is not. Shut it."

"I'm so hurt that I can't walk!" Eren whines. "You have to carry me."

"Yes, yes, you spoiled brat!"

Any normal time, Porco would have thrown Eren over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Any normal time, Porco would have rolled his eyes and made Eren walk by himself. Any normal time, Porco would have shoved Eren down to the ground and laughed like the jerk he is.

But for whatever reasons (maybe guilt? Sure, it hurt a lot, but it's not that bad. Porco doesn't have to do this, not that Eren is complaining), Porco decides to carry Eren in a bridal carry.

If Eren didn't know any better, he would have said something embarrassing like Porco is blushing at how gentle (and dare he say it? Romantic) this is. But Eren does know better. Porco is an idiot who stupidly competes against anything and anyone. That's the only reason why Porco will be grinning that brightly while carrying Eren like this.

It's to show off to Reiner, who looks at the two of them with a look like he's just starting to figure something out.

"Stop grinning, you freak!" Eren groans, smacking Porco's arm lightly. But he doesn't ask to be put down, since this is supposed to be Porco's repentance for headbutting Eren.

... That is the only reason, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hey."
> 
> Eren glances at him suspiciously over his meal, tensing his grip on his fork to get ready for any kind of attack on his food. Porco would just like to point out that he hasn't stolen any food in weeks, so he doesn't get why Eren is getting this defensive for.
> 
> "Why did you think I'd sneak out to see Helen?"
> 
> It's clear that that's not what Eren expected Porco to ask. He gives Porco a blank look for a second longer before he rubs the back of his neck, looking like he really doesn't want to answer.
> 
> "I mean... isn't that the natural thing to do?"
> 
> Although Porco is the one who asked for an answer, he finds that he doesn't like it one bit.
> 
> "So you assumed that I'm a low scumbag like Reiner who forsakes my duty for a girl?"
> 
> Anger flashes in Eren's eyes in warning before Eren carefully sets his eyes on his plate. And now he's not even going to engage with Porco? What? Because he insulted Reiner? Since when were they that close anyways? 
> 
> "Marcel used to sneak out to see me."
> 
> Porco's breath gets caught in his chest. Oh, that's right. Marcel used to sneak out a lot, didn't he? A-and that was... to see Eren? But didn't Eren realize that he liked Marcel during the five year absence? Because when Eren says it like that, it makes it sound like... like...
> 
> "Were you two together back then?"
> 
> Without Porco knowing? How long have they been together in secret? Did anyone else know? Was it just Porco who was in the dark? Hey Eren-
> 
> "No. But I wish we had been. Maybe that would've kicked Marcel into gear to come home instead of getting eaten."
> 
> Laugh. Porco should laugh. This is their typical jokes that they pass between each other to try and heal from Marcel's death. This is just what they normally say to each other. Hell, this is what Porco would normally say. But he...
> 
> "I thought you'd be like him when you're in love. Sorry for assuming."
> 
> Love... Is he? With Helen? He knows that he hasn't been fair to her. He's been dodging every chance to be alone with her using the current partnership system as an excuse. They haven't gone on a single date since their ruined first one. And it's not like he has any intention of starting a family with her or anything since his future is limited as a dog of Marley.
> 
> "Porco? You alright?"
> 
> Oh, he realizes. He needs to call it off with her.


	16. how better i've been without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I lied...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reiner has no idea what exactly Zeke said to Eren, but it must have been pretty impactful. Because Eren keeps staring off into the distance. No, actually. Not the distance. But staring at Marcel. 
> 
> Every time Marcel turns to stare back, Eren's face turns beet red as he scrambles to look away. Reiner thought that Marcel would be hurt again by the treatment, but Marcel surprises him. There's a huge grin on Marcel's face like he can't imagine anything better. 
> 
> "Zeke is amazing," Pieck says, shaking her head. "To think he was able to get through to Eren's blockheaded stubbornness."
> 
> Reiner isn't too sure what she means, but he has to admit that Eren looks cuter than usual. There's just something about the shy way he keeps trying to peek at Marcel. Or the way Eren smiles to himself when he thinks Marcel isn't watching. Or the way his eyes soften...
> 
> The timing is bad.
> 
> Before anything can come from Zeke's talk with Eren, Marley announces their plans to capture the Founding Titan from the Island of Paradis. 
> 
> Every Warrior feels the strain on Marcel's form. But to publicly acknowledge that is to put Marcel down in front of the Marleys. It's best to not say anything. And that must have been the correct thing to do, because Marcel is in high mood when they leave for the island.
> 
> "Don't you know?" he asks, laughing brightly when they ask. "Eren is waiting for me! We just need to finish this and go home fast!"
> 
> Go home fast. So that Marcel can reunite with Eren. So that Marcel can have his happiness back. So that Marcel can make something of his short remaining life with Eren. 
> 
> That excited shine in Marcel's eyes must be love. That breathless giggle must be love. The way Marcel keeps staring off into the sky with the fondest smile must be love. 
> 
> And it must have been love that Marcel kept so close to his heart when Ymir killed him. Because the way Ymir looked at Historia can only be called love. Not just any love, but the love that Marcel held so dear for Eren. 
> 
> Then doesn't it stand to reason that the love that Porco currently holds is also a reflection of those two's love? Or more bluntly, that it's Ymir's feelings, since she is the most recent shifter that Porco consumed. 
> 
> Reiner wonders if he should bring it up to Eren his suspicions of Porco's feelings for Helen. But... is that really a good idea? Because the minute that it's not Helen in front of Porco (the minute it's no longer Ymir's feelings on the forefront), wouldn't Porco's attention shift towards Eren?
> 
> It's selfish. It's petty. 
> 
> But right now, Eren's eyes are on Reiner. He doesn't want to give that up.

Porco is being an overbearing nutcase, and Eren is just about to snap.

In the following days to the double date, Porco has done everything he can to stay by Eren's side while glaring at Reiner. It would be endearing if it wasn't so obvious that Porco is only doing this to get a rise out of Reiner.

Eren puts his hand on Porco's face and shoves him back. "You're driving me up the wall!"

"Shut up! It's for your own good. Who the hell promises 'anything' like an idiot? Unlike Marcel, Reiner isn't a saint. Don't you get that he's going to take advantage of you?"

Porco dares to grab Eren's cheeks and pull as he lectures. It makes it nearly impossible to make his counterpoint.

"Can you two please not do this first thing in the morning?" Colt groans from his bed.

"Look what you've done. You made Colt upset," Porco says, clicking his tongue at Eren as if Eren's the one making Colt upset when Porco's the one talking.

Alright Porco, you really want to do it like this?

Eren tackles Porco off of his bed so that both of them fall to the ground. He makes sure to push Porco down so that Porco's wind is knocked out from the collision. And with that, he takes the upperhand to straddle Porco and pins down his arms to prevent any struggles. Not so tough now, is he?

"What's wrong, Porco? Cat got your tongue?" Eren sniggers.

Huh? Why isn't Porco fighting back? In fact, isn't Porco's face a bit too red? And he's not meeting Eren's eyes... But this is what they've done a thousand times before. Why is Porco being all weird for? It's making Eren feel self-conscious and uncertain. Did he do something wrong?

But it seems that Porco was waiting for Eren to hesitate. He lashes out, flipping their position with much too ease that is completely unfair. Porco doesn't bother with pinning Eren's arms down. Instead, he braces himself by putting his hands on either side of Eren's head. Eren's legs are wrapped around Porco's middle from when they suddenly switched positions. But because of how Porco's legs are positioned, Eren's hips are jutted up from the ground, resting against Porco's thighs, and he has to use his hands to stop himself from falling off of this position.

It's embarrassing how little power Eren has like this. He can't even get good enough grip to switch their position. Damn it. Since when did Porco get good about placing his body like this and...

Wow, Porco's face is really close right now. Huh? Why is Eren's own face heating up for? A-actually, aren't Porco's lips just a bit-

A pillow flies and hits the two of them.

"You both suck!" Colt yells.

*

"The two of you... sleep together in the same bed...?" Reiner asks, his breath hitching just a bit.

"Yeah. What of it?" Eren asks.

Reiner looks like he doesn't really know how to say whatever it is in his head, so he just looks down at his plate. Eren doesn't get why. If he has a problem, why can't Reiner just say it instead of being frustrating like this?

"Doesn't Porco have his own room? And his own bed?" Pieck points out. She seems to be shooting Porco a look that Eren can't quite figure out. But since Porco isn't nearby to deflect her, Eren decides to do it for him.

"He gets lonely since he's not used to sleeping alone. Porco's just being a baby."

Porco kicks Eren's chair as he's walking by. As the one to have lost the race to the cafeteria, he picked up Eren's meal for him. He puts Eren's tray in front of him before sitting down next to Eren.

"Don't be rude," he growls.

Says the guy who just kicked Eren's chair. Eren sticks his tongue out at him.

"Oh, so you guys also sleep with Colt?" Pieck asks, sounding way too interested in this.

"Huh? Don't be stupid. The bed isn't big enough for all three of us," Eren explains before he turns to his meal.

"You can't pay me to sleep anywhere near them," Colt groans. "They're always wrestling and fighting. Please, go to sleep."

"You're just an old man," Porco teases.

Colt glowers at the two of them, even though Porco's the one who made the jab.

Pieck looks exasperated as she buries her head in her hands. "After your double date today, I think you should talk to Zeke, Eren."

"Huh? Why?"

"Just... do it!"

*

"Pieck was acting all weird during breakfast," Eren complains as the three of them make their way to Base Rupes to pick up Helen.

"She's always weird in the mornings," Porco counters. "Actually, she's just weird in general."

Reiner looks like he wants to say something but seems to hold his tongue because of Porco. Eren wonders if he should ask Reiner what he wants to say. But doing so might make him uncomfortable when Porco focuses on him and...

Porco must have stepped on something uneven, because he stumbles. Eren quickly reaches over to help steady him.

"Pfft! Aren't you a klutz this morning? That excited to see your girl?" he teases.

"S-shut it!" Porco snaps, his cheeks red.

Eren laughs and leaves his hand up for Porco to take. "Since you can't seem to figure out how your feet work."

Porco's blush darkens just a shade, but he grabs Eren's hand anyways.

*

Helen looks like she's seen better days.

There are prominent bags under her eyes. Her eyes aren't bloodshot or anything. But she definitely looks very tired.

"A-are you okay?" Eren asks.

She puts her hand up to stop any more questions. "I'm fine. Let's just get this over with."

Is she really okay with this date today? It's not quite that she looks unwell, but she doesn't look very willing to go along with this. Just what did Porco say to her to...

And, of course, Porco isn't even paying attention. He's picking up something from the ground and... He turns to Eren with a huge grin.

"Look! This beetle's shell is cool! It's shiny green!"

Eren might be clueless when it comes to romance, but even he knows that this is wrong. He kicks Porco's leg and makes a small motion towards Helen. But Porco just rolls his eyes and scowls.

"She doesn't like beetles," he tells Eren.

His friend, Eren realizes, is a dumbass like no other.

*

"What? I would so totally look good in that!" Porco insists.

Eren rolls his eyes. "No, you wouldn't. You never look good in blues."

"You're just saying that because you look horrible in reds."

"I do not!"

The two of them are bickering as they normally do as they walk through the streets. As Eldians, it is highly frowned upon to enter a shop if they are not planning on making a purchase. So it's much easier for them to decide from staring into the shop from the windows to make sure that they want something before walking in. The key, of course, is to keep themselves moving so it doesn't look like they're loitering in front of one store.

It's not until Eren catches sight of Reiner in the window that he realizes just how far behind Reiner and Helen seem to have fallen. He pauses in talking to Porco to glance back at them.

"Sorry! Are we going too fast?"

Reiner perks up and rushes to catch up to them, but Helen doesn't bother hurrying. Eren nudges Porco to encourage him to go talk to her, but Porco just gives him a curious look like he can't figure it out. Why did he ask her out if he isn't going to pay any attention to her?

"Sorry for lagging behind," Reiner says with a small duck of the head. "D-did you see anything you'd like?"

"Nope," Porco says.

Eren shoots him a look. "Go talk to Helen."

"So you can be alone with Reiner? Hell no."

"What is your problem?" Eren groans.

"Why don't we talk about the fact that you promised anything-"

Eren grabs the front of Porco's shirt and gives him a small shake. "Why is that the only thing you're focusing on? Come on! I want today to be nice. Give me that."

Porco looks annoyed about something, but he won't meet Eren's eyes. With a small annoyed growl, he shoves Eren's hands off.

"Fine. I'll go talk to Helen," he mumbles. Then he turns to glare at Reiner. "You do anything, and I'll kill you."

Eren lightly kicks Porco's leg. "Oh, shut it!"

He watches to make sure that Porco reaches Helen before turning back to Reiner. There's a look on Reiner's face that Eren doesn't know how to read at all.

"Hey..."

Reiner flinches and gives Eren a sheepish smile. "Sorry. Just... lost in thought."

"Well, stop being lost and focus on me," Eren says.

He realizes belatedly that he should have phrased that better from how red Reiner becomes. Should he take that back before Porco comes running back? Well, it's just harmless words, so it's fine, isn't it? Besides, it's Reiner. They already all know that Reiner doesn't have the guts to do anything.

"C-can I... h-hold your hand?" Reiner asks.

Eren holds his hand out. "Anything else?"

The look of wonder on Reiner's face makes Eren feel guilty. He was supposed to give this to Reiner for all week and all of today. But he got too caught up with Porco to give Reiner the proper attention. He better work hard to make up for it. After all, it's Eren's fault that Reiner will be risking his life being firebombed.

Reiner gently takes Eren's hand in his own, holding it as if it's something fragile. Just a little, Eren feels ticked. It's just a hand. Does Reiner really have to make a big deal of it? He infinitely prefers the way Porco holds his hand. It's much more secure and-

"Your hand is so small."

Does this guy want a fight?

Reiner presses his lips against Eren's hand like this is some kind of a scene from those dumb books Porco likes to read. And huh? Huh?! Why the hell is Reiner...? I-isn't this embarrassing? What the hell? Didn't he want to hold hands? What the hell is this?

Laughing lightly, Reiner squeezes Eren's hand and turns his attention to the streets.

"Then shall we?"

*

It's awkward.

Reiner doesn't bother with much words. He just keeps glancing down at their joined hands with the most disgustingly self-satisfied smile on his face. At best, he chuckles lightly like this is all he needs in life. And it's taking all of Eren's self-control to not just yank his hand free and run the other way.

Likewise, it looks like there's a stiff silence settled between Helen and Porco. The two of them don't even seem to be glancing at each other.

Eren doesn't know much about dates, but he's pretty sure this one sucks.

"Halt. Where are your exit permissions?" the Public Security Authorities officers of this area demands.

"The four of us are together, sir," Eren says.

He frees his hand from Reiner's to pull out the permission papers. When he spots the other three looking at him worriedly, he gives them a small wink and a smile. From the way the officers are furrowing their brows to look at the paper, it's clear that they have no idea what they're looking at.

This is going to be easy.

"As you can see, officers, that is our case. So if you could please not delay us any further, that would be highly advisable."

"T-there's no verification that this is real," one of the officers say, glaring at Eren.

Eren sighs. "You're welcome to go and verify it. But if you would do this Eldian a favor and give me your name?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because otherwise, I'd have to report the entire division to Commander Magath," Eren says with an apologetic smile. "And it's clear that only you want to obstruct our mission."

The officer doesn't like being signaled out like that. But the rank "Commander" is something that he can't easily ignore. He keeps glancing at the others around him as if for asking for back up, but now that Eren has brought someone of higher rank in, they can't just jump in in case they're caught in the crossfire. Now all Eren needs is...

He glances to the side and meets eyes with Porco. Porco gives the smallest of nods of acknowledgement.

"Can you hurry it up? Our target began moving," he says.

That is the nail on the coffin that Eren needed. The officers mutter darkly and return the papers. Then they walk off without a single look back at them.

Eren waits until they're all out of sight before grinning at the other three. His clever words he was planning on saying gets interrupted by Porco, though.

"You're carrying fake permission papers again? Magath's going to kill you if he hears. Why didn't you just wave around your right as a Warrior Candidate?"

Party pooper.

"You have no proof. These are real papers," Eren protests.

Porco rolls his eyes. "Your handwriting is more loopier than Magath's. Not to mention he wouldn't misspell his own name."

H-huh? T-that can't be! Eren checked and double-checked! He pulls the papers back out to look at them.

"I made sure to copy it flawlessly! There's no way..." he stops when he realizes what just happened.

Groaning, he looks up from the papers at Porco's smug smirk.

"Real papers, huh?"

"Shut it, you."

*

"Oh, Colt would absolutely love that."

"That? But it looks so tacky," Porco complains.

"Tell that to Colt. I didn't pick his tastes." Eren pauses when he realizes something. "Hey, isn't it kind of rude of us to get something for Colt when we're out on a date?"

Porco pauses, too. He frowns as he mulls it over in his head. "Yeah, I guess it is. If he really wants it, he should get himself a date, too."

"Would that be triple date?" Eren wonders.

"Pfft... Then four couples is quad date?"

"By that point, I think we're out of seats at the table!"

The two of them laugh. Shaking his head, Eren turns his attention back to the shop and catches sight of Reiner.

Reiner is hanging back, standing awkwardly with Helen, who looks like she really doesn't want to be here. And shoot. Eren did it again, didn't he? Without thinking, he and Porco fell into their usual patterns and bickering, completely forgetting about these two.

"Porco, your girlfriend is over there," Eren points out.

"She's not."

Eren makes a face. "Yes, she is. Look. Right there with Reiner-"

"No, as in we're not dating. We broke up a week ago."

... H-huh?

"W-wait... what do you mean 'broke up?'"

Porco makes a small shrugging motion. "You're not stupid. Figure it out."

This isn't making any sense to Eren. Break up? But why? Because they couldn't go on dates? While that makes sense, aren't they on a date right now? Wait, wait. If they've broken up, then it makes no sense to be on a date, does it? Is that why Helen has been so out of it all day? Huh?

"If you guys broke up, then why are you here on this double date...?"

At the very least, Porco has the decency to look ashamed. He looks away from Eren, face slightly flushed and pouting. So he must know that something about this situation is weird as hell. It's not that Eren is dumb that the situation isn't making sense.

"You were looking forward to it," Porco grumbles.

"I... wasn't particularly. I just... wanted a chance for the two of you to be on a date. Since you guys are dating and all... W-wait! S-so you... forced this poor girl to come along on this date after you broke up with her? Porco, that's-"

"If I hadn't done that, you would've just snuck out with Reiner," Porco snaps. "Because that's what you do when you're 'in love,' right?"

This idiot...

"Porco, what the hell? Are you seriously telling me that you hurt this girl because... Because you wanted to stick it to Reiner? Is that really your priority right now? I can't believe you! Go right now and apologize to her."

Annoyance is clear in Porco's form, but he still won't look at Eren. It's frustrating. Porco must have known that this was wrong. That this was something that was rude to do. So why did he go out of his way to do it, all for the sake of lording over Reiner? What's the point? Haven't enough time passed for them to forget about the whole Reiner inheriting the Armored Titan business? Or does this have to do with Marcel's death? But if it really had something to do with that, wouldn't Porco have brought this up much earlier? And why involve Helen?

Eren grabs Porco's arm to direct him to Helen. "Come on. Let's go apolo-"

Porco yanks his arm free, finally turning to look at Eren in the process. The annoyance must have hit its boiling point, because that glint in Porco's eyes is closer to the line of rage. If Eren pushes him a little more, Porco will most definitely explode in this Marleyan shop.

"I already apologized. Stop acting like you're better than me. I _know_ it's messed up. I know I'm not being fair. But what else was I supposed to do?"

The distance between them sudden disappears in one movement. Porco has Eren by the front of his shirt, pulling them close so that Porco won't yell out in anger. The anger and frustrations they hold right now will only be shared in this close space and not out for the rest of the shop to hear. And for as long as Porco keeps his hold on Eren's shirt, neither of them will be able to run away.

"The minute you realize the truth, you'll just say that I'm too dependent on you again. You'll take whatever chance you see to run as far away from me. Because I'm restricting your movements, right? Because I'm caging you in? Is it suffocating that I'm the one next to you instead of Marcel or Reiner? Hey, why don't you just say it then? That you hate me? That you'd rather it be anyone but me?"

Because that's not the truth. That was never the truth.

But Eren is the one who foolish said those words that Porco can't seem to let go. Eren is the one who pushed Porco into this corner. Hell, isn't it safe to say that Eren is the reason why Porco decided that this was the only possible solution? That he had to hurt an innocent person in order to keep Eren here?

If only Eren didn't lie back then... If Eren had chosen to trust Porco with the truth of the mission, would they have been okay? If Eren had just risked the mission for Porco's sake, would he have been able to prevent his friend from being hurt?

"That's enough, both of you," Reiner says as he puts his hands on both of their shoulders.

Slowly, Porco releases Eren's shirt. Slowly, Porco takes a step back. Slowly, Porco returns to not meeting Eren's eyes.

Eren doesn't know how to handle this ache in his chest.

*

They end up calling an end to the date soon after that. Not that this is much of a date to begin with. All four of them walk in stiff silence to drop Helen off at Base Rupes first.

Saying "thank you for coming" feels like it'll be insulting. But to apologize would make it too obvious that he knew about the circumstances of the break up. Which, again, why did they break up? Eren decides to just play it safe and just wave her goodbye without any words.

Then it's yet another walk in stiff silence to the headquarter.

Porco runs off the minute they arrive. Eren has no doubt that guy's probably going to be sulking somewhere or working his anger off by kicking something. He makes a mental note to check up on Porco later.

But first...

"Hey, uh... S-sorry about today," Eren tells Reiner. "I... wanted to focus on you and do whatever you wanted but... that didn't really happen."

He wonders what that look on Reiner's face is before it transforms into a forced smile.

"You and Porco have always been close, after all," Reiner says.

"Not really... Especially not recently." Eren shakes his head. "Well anyways, back to you. Is there anything else you wanted?"

Reiner hesitates.

"C'mon," Eren says, holding his arms out. "Anything's free game. Surely you have even one thing that you want?"

Probably a kiss, right? Maybe he'll ask to hold hands again. Jeesh, he's such a simple guy. See, Porco? There's no need to worry about any "abuse." Reiner's an idiot, after all.

For a second, Reiner looks like he's about to say something bold. But then he must have changed his mind, because his expression turns resigned.

"Then there's just one thing I can ask for. Eren, go talk to Porco."

Eren drops his arms, feeling a little confused. Because why would Reiner ask Eren to do something that obvious? Of course, Eren will talk to Porco. That's not even a question. The fact that Reiner found this the most important thing to say is pretty insulting. But in the same breath, Eren finds himself feeling glad. Because that means he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

"You sure you won't regret it?"

Reiner makes a face. "Of course, I'm regretting it like no tomorrow. But I... think I'll regret it more if I don't tell you to go. Because at the end of the day, I really don't want you to lose anyone else."

Don't lose anyone else, huh? Eren feels his lips twitch.

"You just keep turning me into a villain," he sighs.

He grabs Reiner by the front of his shirt and yanks him down.

Never let it be said that Eren Jaeger does not repay his debts.

*

"Not quite where I thought you'd be," Eren remarks when he finally finds Porco in the courtyard with a worn out practice dummy.

From the light steam coming off of Porco's fists, Eren won't be shocked if this idiot spent quite a long time out here against the dummy. How lucky that Porco can heal so fast, then. Otherwise, he probably would've broken a finger or two by now.

"Don't you have your precious Reiner to be granting 'anything' for?" Porco growls without glancing at Eren.

"My 'precious' Reiner told me to come talk to you."

Porco groans and punches the dummy. "There. You talked. Now leave."

Jeesh, this guy is stubborn in all the wrong ways. Eren casually walk up to Porco, watching his friend with enough scrutiny to make him uncomfortable. It doesn't take long. Porco finally turns to him with a scowl on his face.

"What?"

Eren makes a motion to punch Porco in the face with every intention to stop before he makes contact. But Porco seems to not be in a trusting mood today. He deflects the punch and grabs Eren by the front of his shirt, almost as if he's getting ready to throw Eren over his shoulder. Eren isn't sure why, but Porco stops himself.

But that's not why Eren is here.

He kicks Porco's leg as hard as he can, earning himself a soft hiss of pain and freedom from Porco's grasp. But it's brief. Porco seems to have picked up that Eren is here for a spar, because he finally takes this seriously.

The uppercut comes at just fast enough speed for Eren to dodge it, which lets him know that it's a trap.

His grin is echoed on Porco's lips. And just for a bit, Eren thinks that they'll be okay.

*

Titan healing is the worst thing that has ever happened to Porco.

Eren groans on the ground, rubbing his forehead where he's been mercilessly headbutted again. Porco has moved to squat next to him, alternating from grinning victoriously and poking Eren's cheek to silently ask if he's okay. The answer, by the way, is yes, he's fine. But he feels like childishly acting up.

It feels like it was just few days ago when both of them would collapse on the ground, gasping for air after their fight. But with a wisp of some steam, Porco is back to full health. No wonder this guy started to go easy on Eren.

And maybe that's where the crux of their issues lie.

The change in their relationship.

"I lied," Eren says, covering his eyes.

He feels Porco still next to him. And he knows that if he doesn't face Porco right now, his dumb friend will refuse to accept Eren's next words as the truth. But it's embarrassing. It's scary. He doesn't want to say anything at all. Why can't Porco just know what he means without a single word being uttered between them?

Slowly, he moves his hand down to meet Porco's eyes.

"You're not too dependent on me. If anything, it's me that is."

Porco stays still, his expression neutral.

It makes it impossible for Eren to figure out what his friend is feeling. And isn't that hilarious? They've been together for this long, and Eren still can't figure that out. Because they've never learned. For them, a quick spar has always been more than enough to get rid of whatever bad mood either of them were in. So they never learned how to do something like this.

Or is that just the best excuse Eren can think of in order to run away again?

"I... said that because I was scared," Eren forces out. "I was so scared that you'll realize the truth. The last thing I want is to lose anyone else again. It... didn't occur to me that I could hurt you like that. I didn't think you could ever be hurt by me. Because to me, you are the strongest."

The neutral expression finally breaks. Porco looks like he can't quite decide on exasperation or fondness. And perhaps there's just a bit of reluctant happiness mixed in there, too. Because there's a tug of a grin on Porco's lips.

"Was it that important that you kept it a secret?" Porco manages out evenly.

Eren nods and then hesitates. "I... was going to tell you. Not right away, but eventually. But when you started pushing, it really freaked me out. I made a really bad decision. For that, I'm really sorry. I can understand if you don't want to forgive me, but I just... don't want to keep hurting you like this. Porco, you are very important to me. I can't lose someone else again."

There's a beat of a silence between Porco lets out a heavy sigh. He relaxes and collapses on the ground, using Eren's chest as a pillow. There's a soft smile on his face as he turns to look at Eren.

"Damned idiots, both of us. Yeah, me too. I can't lose anyone else."

Porco reaches over and gently caresses Eren's cheek. And just when Eren is about to comment that this is much too nice, Porco pinches.

"Next time, consider other people's feelings before you just go off and make decisions on your own! You are fifty years too young to be keeping secrets from me!"

Eren struggles and frees himself with much effort. He pouts at his friend, who dares to grin smugly at him.

"The hell's that supposed to mean?! T-then... you can't keep secrets from me either!"

"Fine by me."

It was this simple. Why did he worry so much? Why had he been so afraid? He wishes he can rewind time and get all of their lost time back. Instead of insulting Porco back then, if he had just said he'll explain later, wouldn't Porco have accepted that far better than this?

"Hey Eren?"

He glances down towards his chest and meets Porco's eyes. There's an easy grin on Porco's face that Eren finds himself mirroring.

"You are important to me, too."

Eren laughs. "Important enough that you'll buy me ice cream when we get back?"

"Don't push your luck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was actually just a little more than a week ago. Porco asked Pieck to come with him and made his way to Base Rupes. Pieck, because he didn't want Zeke to blab to Eren and he most definitely didn't trust Reiner. And with Pieck watching in disbelief, Porco called it off with Helen and begged her for that double date.
> 
> The sting of the slap seemed a cheap price to pay, all in all.
> 
> "Why... did you do that?" Pieck asked, looking at him with wide eyes.
> 
> "Because Eren's looking forward to the double date." 
> 
> Pieck shook her head. "N-no, I mean why did you break up with her? I thought you liked her?"
> 
> "Turns out I don't."
> 
> He didn't want to talk more about it with her. But she kept pushing.
> 
> "What makes you say that?"
> 
> "Because I don't want to sneak out to see her. Hell, I don't really want to see her all that much. I just thought she'd be a good reminder to me to not be dependent on Eren. But fat good that's doing. Even though I said I'd be independent, I keep falling back to him."
> 
> "And why do you think you do that?"
> 
> Porco shrugged. "Because we're friends. What of it?"
> 
> "No, no. Don't run away now," Pieck said. "Come on, Pock. Why do you always fall back to Eren? If you had a choice, who would you sneak out to see? ... Why did you push back your original first date for Eren? Why did you ask someone you just broke up with to come with you on that double date just because Eren is looking forward to it?"
> 
> He didn't like the line of conversation so he shut her down. But he couldn't get it out of his head. Why, why, why, Pieck kept asking. He didn't know. Did there have to be a "why?" Couldn't he just say that he...
> 
> He...?
> 
> Oh, he realized. 
> 
> It finally dawned on him what it was. He finally had a name for that joy when he sees Eren's smiles, the burning need he has to keep that smile on Eren's face. He finally had a name for that warmth when Eren's touches linger on his skin for a second longer even after Eren has pulled away. He finally had a name for that longing when Eren isn't near him. He finally had a reason why he keeps circling back to Eren. Why he keeps searching for Eren. Why everything always returns to Eren.
> 
> It almost made him run to Eren right there and then to blurt out everything he just realized. He wanted to hold Eren in his arms and spin them around. He wanted to caress Eren's cheeks, press their foreheads together, and claim Eren's lips for his own. Again. And again. And again. Until Eren laughingly tells him off. Until Eren's cheeks are as red as his lips. Until... 
> 
> Eren has Reiner.
> 
> Porco realized his feelings too late. 
> 
> Reiner, once again, snatched what should have been rightfully Porco's from under his nose.


	17. i'm ready to stand without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Attempts to throw mic to the ground. Gets tangled up in the wire of the mic and smacks self with it.* That's how I'd describe Porco x Eren.
> 
> Warning: Depiction of gruesome violence and hostage situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He expected this.
> 
> Sure, he hoped for something different, but at the end of the day, Reiner isn't that much of an idiot that he wouldn't see what's in front of him and turn the other way. Paradis taught him that's the sure-fire way to get everyone killed. Besides, he knows exactly how much Porco and Eren revolve around each other. 
> 
> The fact that this hurts is probably a sign that he had hoped too much for something different. 
> 
> This is okay. This is fine.
> 
> Eren was kind enough to hold his hand. Eren was kind enough to gift him a kiss. That is all Reiner needs. That is all Reiner can ask for. To greedily want more, to demand more, is to take advantage of Eren, just as Porco accused him of. And he doesn't want to be that petty child that selfishly forced others to stay in Paradis for a chance of glory, for a glimmer of becoming a hero.
> 
> He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't...
> 
> But would it be so bad?
> 
> To have Eren's eyes locked on him for just a bit longer? To make it so that Eren would never forget him?
> 
> All he has to do is die.
> 
> Eren said so himself. He doesn't want to lose anyone else. So if Reiner were to die during this firebombing that Eren clearly seems to hold himself responsible for, then wouldn't Eren be unable to ever forget Reiner?
> 
> Be remembered like Marcel is? Be held close to Eren's heart like Marcel? Be... 
> 
> "Hey."
> 
> That simple greeting is accompanied by a kick to the chair that Reiner is sitting on. He glances up guiltily at Porco's angry eyes. Porco knows, he thinks unreasonably. Porco knows what Reiner is planning. And he's here to beat Reiner and-
> 
> "Switch places with me."
> 
> ... Huh?
> 
> "If you die, Eren will be hurt."
> 
> Because Eren would be hurt? But wouldn't Eren be the most hurt if Porco was to...?
> 
> "Are you stupid? All I have to do is not die. But you look like you've already accepted death. Unlike you, I'm strong enough to survive a bit of firebombing."
> 
> No wonder Eren loves Porco so much. Comparatively, Reiner is much too weak of a person. Is that why Eren always looked so frustrated whenever he's with Reiner? Is that why Eren kept getting angry? Because he expected a fire that matched his spirit, not someone about to be blown out by the smallest of breezes.
> 
> It feels a bit like he got the last bit of closure he needed. But he's always known that it'll end this way, didn't he? He's watched Eren for so long that he already knows how this story will end. 
> 
> The one who makes Eren the happiest isn't him. He's too weak-willed. He's too petty. He pretends to be as nice as he can, to put Eren first, but he's always been selfish. He'll always default back to making himself happy at the price of everyone else. As he told Eren time and time again, it's for him. It's always for himself.
> 
> The one who makes Eren the happiest wasn't Marcel either. He was too insecure. He couldn't take the steps required to reach Eren himself. Despite being the most important person in Eren's life, he refused to reach out to Eren, choosing instead to sulk by himself. If Zeke hadn't reached out back then, Marcel would never have taken the chance himself.
> 
> The one who makes Eren the happiest... 
> 
> The one who can draw out Eren's smiles without even trying... 
> 
> The one who always thinks of what's the best for Eren...
> 
> That's always been Porco.

What a nice change.

Eren stares at Porco's sleeping face with a soft smile. It's been a while since Eren woke up first. He should do something to Porco for all the times Porco refused to wake him up from his nightmares.

Let's see...

His hand touches Porco's hair. It's always softer than he expects. He's so used to seeing Porco's hair gelled back that it's weird to imagine Porco's hair as anything but. Quickly, he begins to braid it. Porco's going to blow a casket when he realizes his beloved hair was played with like this. If only Eren had a hair tie to keep it in place...

Porco lets out a soft mumble and shifts, pulling his hair free from Eren's hands. Even in his sleep, he can't stand people playing with his hair, huh?

He could always tickle Porco silly. But he feels like that would be a rather uncomfortable way to wake up. So maybe not that. Then...

Man, was he always this bad at coming up with a good prank?

With a soft sigh, Eren sits up. Whatever. He'll just be a mature adult who doesn't do pranks. Hah. That will show Porco. See? Eren isn't a child anymore who just watches people have nightmares. He'll just get ready for the day and-

An arm wraps around Eren's middle and pulls him back down.

Eren ends up with his back flushed against Porco's chest. Porco, this asshole, wraps both arms around Eren's arms and chest, and even hooks a leg over Eren's legs to prevent any kind of escape. With escape blocked, he rests his chin against Eren's shoulder.

"Where'd you think you're going after messing up my hair?" he growls.

Damn him. How long has he been awake? Does he know exactly how long Eren spent, staring at him before finally deciding to pull a prank?

"The braid already fell out. What's the harm?" Eren whines.

"It's the principle of the matter."

Eren groans. Like hell it is! No one believes you, Porco.

He waits for a second until Porco puts his guard down. Then he elbows Porco in the gut. There's a sharp intake of breath before Porco's grip loosens. Eren takes this as his chance to turn and return the favor. But Porco apparently saw that one coming.

The asshole dares to take Eren's momentum and then pushes Eren off of the bed. Eren ends up crashing to the ground with a yelp.

"I hate both of you," Colt groans from the safety of his bed.

*

Should Eren say something?

Porco feels a little clingier than usual. He even grabbed Eren's hand when they left for breakfast without any intention of letting go. He sat way too close during their meal and even offered to give Eren a strawberry without any sign of mischief. And now, he's standing with one arm slung around Eren's shoulder, head leaned in closer than strictly necessary for talking.

It's not like Eren doesn't like it or anything. It just... feels kind of weird. But if he thinks about it, this might just be Porco reassuring himself that their talk yesterday was indeed real. Eren shouldn't make a big deal of it. He doesn't want to give the impression that he lied.

"Hey, did you change your cologne?"

Porco's eyes light up. "It smells good, right? Much better than the previous one... Want to try some on?"

Eren feels like this is a trap of some sort from the way Porco's eyes shine. But he can't think of how Porco can mess this one up.

"Sure. Lend me-"

He shouldn't have trusted Porco.

This asshole grabs Eren in a bear hug and nuzzles his face against Eren's neck. The only reason why Eren burst out laughing is because it tickled. That's all. The only reason why his cheeks heated up is because it caught him off-guard and their close proximity. That's all.

That's all there is. Don't give them that look, Pieck.

"W-w-what are you doing?!" Eren squeaks while trying hard not to let it be ruined by his own laughter. It tickles, alright?

"Lending you my scent," Porco sniggers.

Damn him.

"Just lend me the cologne, you cheapskate!"

*

"Reiner," Eren calls. He lightly taps his fist against Reiner's chest. "I'll be waiting."

He expected to see Reiner smile. He expected Reiner to chuckle or beam or grin. Something that lets Eren know that Reiner is his usual dorky self. Something that lets Eren know that Reiner will be a good, loyal dog to the Marley as always.

He doesn't expect to see the startled guilt. And huh?

Guilt?

What the hell did this guy do to feel guilty...?

"C'mon, let's get going!" Porco says, putting his arm around Eren's middle and directing him away from Reiner.

"We were talking," Eren tells him, exasperated.

Porco glances back at Reiner with a snarl. But at the very least, he's stopped trying to pull Eren away, not that Eren was resisting all that much to begin with. They were just greeting each other more so than talking.

"Go ahead, Reiner. Say what you need to say."

No surprise, Reiner keeps his mouth firmly shut. Eren shoots Porco an accusing look, but Porco doesn't seem to care all that much. With a grin like he's won something, Porco pulls Eren away. Eren can only shoot Reiner an apologetic smile and elbow Porco.

*

Porco is an idiot. That much is something that everyone can agree on.

But Eren didn't think he'd be this much of an idiot.

He grabs his friend's hand to stop him from wandering off. This is a route they've taken so many times before, yet Porco is still getting lost? Jeesh, what will he do without Eren around?

"That's the wrong way. We're going to the meeting room, remember?"

Why does Porco look so endeared? Like this is something he'll treasure deep in his heart? If anything, Eren just indirectly insulted Porco's intelligence level. Shouldn't he be getting annoyed as usual? Is it because they're holding hands? But they've been doing that all morning. So it can't be that.

Porco gently knocks his knuckles against Eren's forehead with his free hand.

"Thought you wanted me to apologize to Helen," he says lightly.

There's something about this that seems off. And they've always said that Eren is too honest for his own good, that he has very obvious ticks when it comes to lying. But it's not like Porco is that much better. It's just that Porco always honestly says whatever comes to mind. So whenever he lies, it just feels slightly off. That's really the best way that Eren can explain it. There's no ticks or tricks to it. No reddening ears. No shifting of eyes. It's just a feeling.

"It... doesn't have to be now. You shouldn't be alone anyways. W-want me to come with?"

For just a second, Eren feels like Porco might cry. In that second, he feels that this isn't about Helen. This isn't about something as simple as an apology. A sense of foreboding settles in his chest. And even when Porco chuckles and smooths away his expression to be something more easy-going, Eren can't let go of the feeling that he must not let Porco go right now.

"The hell are you saying?" Porco asks with a grin. "This isn't something that you should be involved in. Be good and go to the meeting, alright? You're bringing up something important to the rest of the army, aren't you?"

"Want us to wait for you?" Eren ventures.

What's that expression on Porco's face? Eren has never seen it before. He thought for sure that he's seen everything there is to know about Porco, knew everything there is to Porco, but he's finding out that that isn't the case.

He hates it, to be honest.

"Stupid. Don't wait for me."

Porco frees his hand from Eren's grasp, even though Eren doesn't want to let go. This feels wrong. Like... like it's final. Like this is goodbye. But it isn't, right? Porco is just going to go apologize? So why does he feel so anxious? Is it because Porco has been clingy all morning, so any kind of distance feels weird?

Eren knows he shouldn't ask for more. He knows he's being stupid. But this is really bothering him.

"Come back fast," he tells Porco.

There's no answer. Just a cheerful wave.

Then Porco's gone.

*

If there's just one good thing about the firebomb, it's that Magath agreed that the kids should stay in the headquarter during the duration of this. Those kids have probably had enough of explosions to last a lifetime. And if Eren could, he'd like to make it so that they don't have to be exposed to that kind of danger again.

The hope, of course, is that by meeting with the enemy's General, he'll be able to push this war towards an end that is favorable for the Marleys.

He's not so foolish to believe that one meeting will be enough, though. But a guy can hope, right?

"Thanks for gathering," he says with an easy smile.

And here comes the hard part.

Convincing those at Base Rupes to ignore the explosions for the next hour and focus on him. The focus on him part is easy. The ignore the explosions part isn't. He just hopes that the topic he picked will keep these guys engaged enough for the next hour.

"There's going to be a bit of loud noise outside. You know how Marley is. They wanted to test new weapons," Eren says, rolling his eyes. "But the main reason I asked everyone to come here today is because I wanted to talk to you guys about the enemy's anti-titan weapons. Rather, potential counter-plans for them. According to our spies..."

*

The explosions start five minutes into the discussion. Eren forces a smile on his face and assures everyone to not worry. But that can only go so far when the ground shakes like crazy like there's an earthquake. The explosions are deafening, too. Just how much explosives did Izan grab for this? Even if Reiner's Armored is impenetrable, if there's this much attack...

Zeke taps on Eren's shoulder and makes a small motion to come to the side. Eren doesn't like the look of worry and dread on Zeke's face. Is Reiner...?

At first, Zeke tries to talk over the explosions, but Eren can't hear him. Even when Zeke tries to say it directly in Eren's ears, it's hard to make out. Zeke looks absolutely heartbroken as he just drags Eren out of the meeting room and into the hallway.

And would you look at that?

Reiner is here.

Here? But the explosions are going on right now, which means...

Without any word or explanation, it clicks.

The reason why Reiner looked so guilty this morning. The reason why Porco was so clingy. The reason why Eren didn't want to let Porco go. The reason why Porco's words felt so much like a goodbye.

It's all because that damned idiot...

He didn't realize just how angry he got until Zeke physically pulled him away and put himself between Eren and Reiner. Zeke doesn't say anything (not that Eren would've been able to hear over the explosions) and instead pulls Eren into a tight embrace. Then with trembling hands, he points at Eren to return to the meeting.

No. No. That's not fair, Zeke. At least Reiner has a full-body armor. But Porco's armor is only on his jaw. He won't be able to survive past this firebombing.

As if understanding Eren's line of thought, Zeke gives him a strained smile. He squeezes Eren's shoulder and shakes his head. Then he points to himself and then towards the cliff side.

Eren closes his eyes, understanding.

No matter what he tries to say or do, Zeke isn't going to budge from this. He gets it. He really does. Unlike the rest of the Warriors, he doesn't have healing abilities. He can't walk into through the firebombing and expect to not get seriously injured. Moreover, if he interferes with the mission now, all of his hard work would have been for naught.

He gets it.

He really does.

But that doesn't mean that he wants to accept this.

Zeke ruffles his hair with a fond smile. Then he pushes Eren towards the meeting one more time.

Hating his own helplessness, Eren returns to the meeting room.

*

It takes fifteen minutes to go from Base Rupes to the cliff side. Eren would like to think that Zeke will take the other Warriors and rush there right now to save Porco. But it's possible that they'll wait an hour as part of the mission.

It's frustrating.

The person who set this up is him. The person who had no qualms about sacrificing Reiner was him. The person irresponsibly settled with "I'll grant you anything," while looking the other way as he led Reiner to his death is him.

He knows he has no room to complain now that Porco decided to replace Reiner. If Eren really didn't want something like this to have happened, he shouldn't have set it up in the first place. He should've lied to Magath. He should've lied to Izan. He should have pretended that the firebomb was impossible to put together. He should have made it that the probability of losing anyone else was zero.

This is all on him.

Yes, he is frustrated at Porco for running off. Yes, he is pissed as hell at Reiner for letting Porco go. Yes, he wishes he could have gone with Zeke and the Warriors to bring Porco back.

But overwhelmingly, he hates himself for being unable to do anything but sit here and wait.

The sound of explosions deafens any attempts to talk, so they haven't tried to pick up the discussion. But no one has tried to leave (Eren assumes it's because their talks haven't finished). He does appreciate that everyone seems to be uneasily trying to keep the spirit up. Any time he meets eyes with anyone, they give him a sheepish smile that he returns.

Please be safe, he thinks as he waits. Please.

*

The silence feels just as jarring as the explosions when it first began. Eren feels like it's been less than five minutes since his "talk" with his brother out in the hall. Zeke must have been desperate to get to Porco as much as Eren has been. He just hopes that they'll all be okay by the end of it all. Zeke doesn't have any kind of armor as protection. Maybe Eren shouldn't have sent his brother?

"I... guess it's over?" one of the soldiers says, looking relieved.

Eren grins. "Yeah, guess so. Hehe. That was pretty exciting, won't you say? My heart is still shaking!"

That earns him some scattered chuckles. At the very least, it doesn't look like anyone's panicked or thinks that something is wrong. Good. As long as he can keep it that way, Onyankopon shouldn't report that Eren messed up.

A knock on the door catches their attention. After a pause of wait, Helen walks into the meeting room. Eren hasn't even realized that she wasn't with them, which he realizes is bad of him. But he assumed that she would be with Porco. Except now that he thinks about it, Porco probably used her as an excuse to get away from Eren to replace Reiner, didn't he?

"Eren, good. You're here," she says.

The others move out of the way to let her get to Eren. She doesn't look like she's tired anymore. That's good. He would hate for her to stay heartbroken because of Porco. Ah, he should probably apologize to her, too, shouldn't he? Since he is the reason why Porco felt the only way to keep their friendship intact was to date her.

"I'm going to give you a choice."

She holds something up that looks a bit like... Wait a sick minute. Is that a... detonator...? Why does she have something like that? Is it because Porco broke up with her? 

"I have planted bombs all over this base," she says with a serene smile. "If anyone tries to stop me or get in my way, I'll blow all of us up."

Damn it, Porco. Why the fuck did you pick a psycho bitch to date and dump?

"Alright. What's this 'choice' you're giving me?" Eren asks.

She giggles like this is a funny game. "Every minute, I'll let you say a person's name. That person may exit this meeting room. Everyone else gets to stay in here. If you want, you're free to say your own name and leave. But that means no one else will be able to go out."

"We can easily overpower you and stop you," a soldier points out.

"I wonder what's faster... My thumb pressing down or all of you coming after me?"

Eren closes his eyes. He doesn't need to see it in order to know what the outcome of that will be. Alright. She wants him to stay and pick whoever will survive. That's fine. All he has to do is strategically think about who is the most likely to figure out where those bombs are hidden to disarm them. Wait no. Maybe it'll be better if he picks someone who will run to get Zeke? But what if Zeke and the other Warriors haven't finished rescuing Porco yet? Then sending someone there would end up putting Porco's life in danger. Finding and disarming the bombs is the first priority.

Who here will be able to come to this same conclusion? Who here is smart enough to find the bombs? Who can Eren trust?

When he opens his eyes, the very first person who meets eyes with him is Colt, who gives him a determined nod.

This will do.

*

"You know, I'm pretty shocked that you like Porco this much," Eren says, testing the ground. "You guys barely even went on a date. And by the time you did, both of you had broken up."

There's a small pause as if Helen can't quite wrap her head around his words. She stares at him blankly for a second longer before she scoffs.

"You think I'm doing this because of him? Pfft... Is that really it? The limit of your observations? And here, I thought you were good at your job. Makes me really wonder what Izan saw in you. I thought Porco would be useful since he's a Warrior. But he turned out to be completely useless. Sure, it's a bit irksome that he dumped me before I could, but the end result is the same."

It occurs to Eren belatedly that she's right. He hasn't been paying that much attention to her. In all honesty, he found reasons to not interact with her. It just... seemed like a pain. And... he just didn't want to get to know her and keep thinking that she's pretty or nice or that she's a good fit for Porco or whatever.

But if he had paid better attention, would he have realized that she was also a spy? Would he have used that to his advantage? Could he have picked a path that didn't end up with Porco getting firebombed? Could he have prevented being taken hostage along with the rest of Base Rupes?

"Well, that said, I can't exactly say that this is for a noble purpose or to bring down Marley. At the end of the day, everything I do is for myself. I can come up with a thousand reasons like how critical of a role you play in the Warrior Division with how fond the Warriors are of you. And if you were to ever die, their mental state will be damaged enough to shake Marley's greatest weapons. Or how you seemingly have united both Eldians and non-Marleyan Armies together, and that could pave the way for a future without Marley. But let's be honest."

She shrugs with a rueful chuckle that makes Eren quite glad the kids never got all that close to her.

"I just don't like you. Just by existing, everything goes your way. We're both Eldians, but the treatment that the world gives you is a thousand times... better, let's say. I've been on Mid-East Allied Forces side since more than three years ago. I'm the one who gave them the coordinates to bomb the base before the war was announced, risking my own life in the process. I'm the one who should have their respect and trust. Yet you come waltzing in and even before you do anything, you have Izan's attention."

"So your answer is to blow up the base?" Eren asks.

Helen shrugs again. "I don't really care what happens to this base. If someone makes a dumb move and force me to blow it up, I will. But... in actuality, I just wanted to see you squirm. I wanted to see if I can force it. A way to make it so that your good luck and connections can't save you. I think I've accomplished that pretty well."

"If that's all you want to do, then there's no need to involve anyone else, is there? Just let them all go-"

"But it makes you uneasy. You can pretend in front of Marleys, Izan, and everyone else. But you've already shown me your hands. Your priority is protecting as many people as you can, especially if they're those you care about." Helen smiles. "For a spy, you're quite honest, aren't you?"

Eren doesn't have a good answer to that. He clenches his fists and takes a deep breath. Losing his cool will be the worst possible thing to do. Right now, he needs to stay calm and collected.

Right now, all he can do is hope that Colt and the others that he has freed from this room can neutralize this situation.

"I believe that's my minute. The next person I'd like to send out..."

* * *

* * *

Sometimes, Porco thinks that everyone looks down on him just a tad bit too much.

The Jaw Titan might not have a full-body armor, but what he does have is more than enough to protect him from the bombs coming at him. And really, he's quite insulted that they thought that this little will be enough to hurt him.

The canons break under the crunch of his jaw. Bodies are so easily torn apart by a simple swipe of his clawed hand. Magath said rescue will be coming in an hour in the form of the other Warriors, but that's unnecessary. He alone is more than enough to wipe out the dumbasses that dared to threaten Eren's happiness.

Guess he didn't have to tell Eren to not wait for him. But he didn't want Eren to go through a repeat of Marcel of waiting for Porco to return. That didn't seem fair. But how was he supposed to know that the so-called "firebomb" would be this pathetic? If he had known, he definitely wouldn't have said anything. He might have even tried to be cool by ruffling Eren's hair and say something like, "I'll be back soon. Wait for me?"

He wonders how Eren would've responded to that? Probably with an annoyed roll of the eyes and something like, "Oh shut it, you big baby! Just stay then!"

"Y-you're... you're a monster!"

Porco glances at the soldier who must have emptied out his rifle, trying to kill Porco. And wow, rude much? Who is the one who gathered all of their weapons to try to kill Porco exactly? Why is Porco the monster when they're the ones who tried to kill him first? This is just... justified self-defense. If you're willing to point your gun (or bombs or whatever) to take someone's life, then you should be willing to stake your own.

Isn't that what it means to be a soldier? Isn't that what it means to fight for your cause?

How disappointing that this is their enemy.

*

"Huh? What are you guys doing here? It hasn't been an hour yet," he asks.

He has more or less finished destroying the enemy, which is the only reason why he's back in his human form. He was trying to determine if he wanted to jog back to the base or if he wanted to wait for someone to come pick him up. But it seems that the decision has been made for him.

The Warriors are all riding Pieck's Cart Titan, probably because she's the fastest aside from the Jaw. They stare at the devastation Porco has left behind on the cliff side in disbelief before they finally turn to him.

"You're... you're in a good shape!" Zeke says with a beaming smile.

"Yeah, they were pretty easy to take care of. I don't know why we were so worried."

His eyes catch sight of Reiner, who stares at the destruction like he's seeing something else. Is he remembering something from his time on that island? Then it was probably for the best that Porco switched places. Otherwise, this guy would've just stood there and taken all the hits like an idiot instead of fighting back.

Honestly, he doesn't get what Eren sees in Reiner.

Zeke tries to ruffle Porco's hair, so Porco quickly dodges that.

"Don't touch the hair," he snaps.

"But I'm your War Chief!" Zeke protests. Despite that, he laughs it off, clearly meaning it as a joke. It seems that he was really worried about Porco.

In one second, they're laughing and relaxed. In the next, Porco stumbles forward from a blow to the head. The world spins, and he's faintly aware of someone yelling. But that's about all he can make out before everything goes black.

*

He has no idea how long he was out, but when he comes to, it's to the worried Warriors peering down at him. They're all in their human forms, he notes. Just how long has he been out?

"What happened?" he asks.

"You were shot," Pieck tells him slowly. "Do you remember that?"

He was shot? He remembers a blow to the head. So that was a shot. Explains why his head is still ringing. He must not have fully finished healing. Damn. Just how devastating was that shot? Or perhaps there was multiple? But this is super annoying. Did he not wipe out the enemy? He must have missed someone, if they were able to hit his head from the back like that. Damn, that's embarrassing.

"Did you take care of the one who shot me?" he asks.

"Yes. It's been taken care of. Don't worry," Zeke says with a soothing tone of voice.

Porco nods and slowly sits up. There's an excessive amount of blood on himself. If it hadn't been for his titan healing, he probably wouldn't be alive right now, would he? Just a little, he wonders if it's too cliched to think of it as his own brother watching out for him. Probably, right? In any case, he's just glad that he won't be forcing Eren to wait for him any longer than this. By the time they return to the base, he should have healed everything at least.

"How are you feeling?" Reiner asks him hesitantly.

"Fine. A bit annoyed. But I'm fine."

They all look relieved at that. Jut how weak do they think he is? He is still a Warrior like them. On top of that, he can heal. There's no need to-

"That's good. Eren would have been upset if he knew you were hurt."

Is Reiner trying to pick a fight?

"Hey, there's someone approaching us," Pieck says, drawing their attention away.

The rest of them follow Pieck's gaze to someone on horseback rushing towards them. That person pulls the horse to a stop before them. It takes Porco a second to place her.

Yelena. Part of their non-Marleyan Army who seemed pretty close to Eren.

"There's been an emergency. Please come back to the base with me. I'll fill you in on the way."

*

This has got to be a sick joke.

Porco can feel the others' glances at him when they think he isn't paying attention. And he knows, alright? He fucked up. He shouldn't have dealt with Helen that lightly. He should have taken Eren's advice more seriously. He should have apologized and been more sincere. He gets it. Alright? He fucked up.

They're currently keeping even with Yelena's horse as she fills them in. The minute she finishes, Pieck will run them back to the base without any pause. Or at least that's what Porco thinks the plan is. If not, then whether he's done healing or not, he should transform and rush to Eren's side. Fucking hell. Bombs? Eren can't heal. If Helen is unstable enough to plant bombs in the base that she stays in, then who's to say she won't blow it up for shits and giggles?

Zeke grabs Porco's shoulder and squeezes. "Whatever you're thinking, don't. Eren is capable of holding the fort until we get there. You need to focus on healing yourself instead. Got it?"

Porco knows where Zeke is coming from. But doesn't he feel worried for his baby brother? Yes, Eren is great at thinking on his feet, but he's also a huge trouble magnet. For all they know, Eren might be goading Helen into blowing everyone up and-

The explosion doesn't come from the cliff side. It comes from the direction they're running towards.

They all know what that means.

But Zeke keeps his grip on Porco's shoulder firm.

"Focus on healing," he repeats calmly. "We're going to need the Jaw's help."

It's frustrating. It's aggravating. It's suffocating. The only one whose life was supposed to be in danger today was Porco. So why the hell did Eren have to...?

*

The devastation is as bad as he feared. But he will admit that he's rather impressed by how organized the rest of the people feel. There's a group of people who are applying first aid in the courtyard. The rest of the non-seriously injured are trying to dig through the rubble to find survivors. It seems that Colt is currently in charge, shouting orders and keeping things calm. Porco is rather proud of his friend, even if his worry for Eren is on the forefront.

Colt visibly relaxes a bit when he spots the Warriors arrive. Then he quickly straightens himself to report. Zeke wastes no time to take command to sort things out. Porco doesn't miss the way Zeke squeezes Colt's shoulder with a reassuring, "You did well."

"Porco, are you healed well enough to move out?" Zeke asks.

"Yes sir."

"Then make your priority to find Eren. Search through the rubble, taking care not to ignore other survivors. But Eren comes first for you, understood?"

"Yes!"

*

From the broken bits and pieces Porco picks up as he searches desperately through the rubble as the Jaw Titan, he thinks he more or less have a good idea on what went down. Helen planted bombs around Base Rupes with the full intent of blowing it up to cause the maximum amount of damage. From the beginning, it seems that she had no other plans than destruction.

Eren was just a convenient excuse for her.

A spy. She was a fucking spy.

She's the reason why Tommy and Haley died. She's the one who has been selling their information to the enemy. She agreed to date him to keep tabs on the Warriors. And like a fucking dumbass, he gave her the information that she wanted. What was it that Colt said? No one would say no to a Warrior? Of course, they won't. Especially if they're a spy.

Fuck. Fuck.

This is all his fault. The explosion, the destruction, the people that are hurt right now.

And Eren is...

Where the hell is Eren? Porco has been lifting rubble and putting them to the side as fast as his small titan body would allow. This should be the general area of where the meeting room was. Eren has to be somewhere around here. He has to be-

"We're here!"

His body moves before he even registered the sound. He carefully lifts the rubble and...

The brightest of all green in the world looks back at him. It takes a second for Eren to get used to the light and then...

It doesn't matter how much dirt and grime is on Eren. He always looks so damned beautiful. Or maybe it's just the way Eren's entire face brightens at the sight of Porco? The way Eren's body relaxes just a tad. The way Eren's lips curve into a delighted laugh. The way his entire demeanor shifts from desperation to one of confidence. Like he knows that everything will be fine now.

"Took you long enough," Eren says.

There's a shy touch of manic giggle behind his voice. Is he that relieved to see Porco? Well, Porco supposes that he's the same. If he hadn't been in his titan, he would have been laughing nonstop at the sight of the most important person in his life.

Porco reaches over to dig his friend out, and Eren immediately stops him.

"There should be few more people over there. Focus on saving them first. I'm fine."

Like hell. The others will come here soon enough to get those guys out. Porco's priority is Eren. He refuses to listen to Eren and begins to dig.

"I'm saying that I'm fine. Porco, just leave me. Those people over there need you, so just go!"

There's a limit to being self-sacrificing. Eren's so damned stupid. Why can't he just let Porco do this for him? They all already know that this is Porco's fault, so let him make it up to Eren. Let him at least do this much.

Porco ignores the rest of Eren's complaints and focuses on moving the rubble off. He has to constantly remind himself not to hurry, in case he accidentally throw the rubble at the remaining survivors. Besides, if he moves carelessly, he might hurt Eren in the process, too. He doesn't know exactly how the building collapsed on Eren, so it's possible that...

His mind stops at the sight before him.

And oh.

Oh.

That's why Eren told him to focus on someone else, didn't he? That's why Eren didn't want Porco to dig him up. That's why Eren was so desperately trying to push Porco away even though he looked so damned happy to see Porco. That's why...

He wants to scream. He wants to kick something. He wants to rage at the world for the unfairness of it all. Because damn it, damn it. At the very least, Porco can heal himself. This explosion, this whole hostage situation, should've targeted him and not Eren. Eren had nothing to do with this. Damn you, Helen. If you're alive, Porco will make sure that she dies slowly and painfully.

"Porco!"

He snaps his attention back to Eren, who attempts to smile. And Porco realizes that he's wrong. Eren's eyes are not the brightest of green. At least, his left eye isn't. When did that happen? How did that happen? Did an explosion flash too brightly before his eye? Hey Eren, can you even see through that eye? What other injuries is Eren hiding? Where else is he hurt?

"I'm okay. You don't need to worry about me. C'mon, just focus on getting others!"

Porco scoops Eren up as gently as he can, ignoring the rest of Eren's words. He makes sure to keep a careful watch on Eren's crushed left leg. That's probably something that cannot heal through normal means, isn't it? Doesn't that hurt? Why the hell is Eren so set on sending Porco away when he should get first aid?

Eren reaches towards Porco with his left hand. Porco isn't too sure what Eren wants, but he brings his cupped hand close to his face. Eren's hand touches Porco's jaw lightly.

"Ass."

If it wasn't for the way Eren's voice wavers with gratitude and pain, Porco might have even felt a twinge of annoyance.

*

"She was a spy?" Magath asks, rubbing his temples in annoyance.

Porco feels the sharp glare Magath shoots his way and does his utmost best to not react to it.

"Her motivation for this was to help the enemy then?" Magath's second wonders.

Yelena shakes her head. "She made it clear that it wasn't for a noble cause. She was heartbroken after Warrior Galliard dumped her. And her revenge was to target the one most important to Porco."

Magath makes a face and heaves a deep sigh. His second looks just as disgusted. But what Porco is caught by is the startled expressions some of the other non-Marleyans and Eldians shoot Yelena. Porco isn't too sure why, though.

He makes a mental note to ask Eren about it later.

*

49 confirmed dead. 176 still missing. 389 injured, 82 of them in critical.

Eren is among those counted as critical.

After reporting to Magath, Porco stayed out to find as much of the survivors as he could. And once he was too exhausted to stay any longer as a titan, he was given permission to rest a bit. So he made a beeline to Eren's side.

There aren't much in sense of beds. They're lucky if they have clean enough sheets to put the injured on. So Porco knows he shouldn't be too annoyed that Eren doesn't have a better place to rest. He knows that Eren would get angry at him if he were to make a big deal of it. He knows that.

But he feels anxious as he sits down on the ground next to where Eren has been placed. Isn't this uncomfortable? Wouldn't Eren prefer a bed? What if Porco takes Eren straight to the headquarter right now? At least it should be more comfortable than sleeping on the ground, right?

He can't bring up the courage to hold Eren's hand. So he settles for staring at his friend's uneasy sleeping expression. See? It is uncomfortable. Or maybe he's having another nightmare?

His fingers hover nervously over Eren's sleeping form. But once again, he finds himself chickening out. Before, when he didn't know his own feelings, it was because he felt uncomfortable with the knowledge that sometimes, Eren's nightmares were about Marcel. But now that he knows, he can't help but to think that the reason why he always hesitates is because he doesn't want proof that Eren is still clinging to Marcel.

Porco is right here now.

Can't Eren please look this way?

"I thought you might be here."

Porco pulls his hands back to himself but doesn't bother looking up to greet Reiner. He keeps his eyes set on the rise and fall of Eren's chest. At the very least, seeing this keeps his temper in check. If he gets too angry and start yelling or getting violent, he'll wake Eren.

"I'm sorry. But the truth is, Eren and I were never dating."

... Huh?

"I like Eren. I won't deny that. I've liked him since a bit before the war began. But he already turned me down. The reason why we pretended to date is something that I'm not at the liberty to share. But I'm begging you, please talk to Eren. And no matter what he says, please just... stand by him. Listen to him without shutting him down. If Eren meant anything to you, please side with him. Don't question him. Don't push him. Just... be by his side."

Porco doesn't want to look away from Eren. He doesn't. He doesn't want to see what kind of expression is on Reiner's face. He doesn't want Reiner to see what kind of expression is on his own face. He's just going to focus on Eren. Don't look up. Don't.

"And... I don't know how much you know about inheriting the previous shifter's memories, but the strongest feelings our predecessors had is what's on the forefront. For Ymir, the girl who had the Jaw Titan before you, that was her love for Historia. Historia... She had long golden hair just like Helen. If you ever stray from Eren because of Ymir's feelings and hurt Eren, I will take him from you."

By the time Porco's head snaps up, Reiner has already turned tail and ran.

The tiny and petty child who always went on and on about being a loyal dog to Marley seems to have finally grown a spine.

Porco snorts. Is that Eren's influence? Either way, Porco doesn't think that kind of a pathetic person should be with...

Wait.

Wait.

Didn't Reiner just say...?

Slowly, he looks back at Eren, who is mumbling lightly in his sleep. He won't say something cliched like Reiner's words gave him courage, because that's not the case. He just wanted to soothe the furrowed brows on Eren's face. Alright?

He places his hand on Eren's forehead. And after a glance around to make sure no one is watching him, he leans down and kisses the spot he touched.

"Of course, I'll stand by your side. The hell is that even a question? Trust me a little more, won't you? Helen was... She doesn't mean shit to me. But you... Hey Eren, I love you."

The nightmare must have subsided, because Eren lets out a small sigh and relaxes. Porco finds his lips twitch in fondness.

"Ass."

**End of Part 2 (Makeshift Gauge) **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next time Eren wakes up, he's in a soft bed, surrounded by a familiar scent. It takes him a second to place it, though. 
> 
> Home, he realizes.
> 
> He's in his bed in his room in Liberio. 
> 
> Damn, he just had the longest dream. But he doesn't particularly feel the need to get up. In fact, he kind of just want to doze off a bit more and not get out of bed. Just stay here like this, cocooned in the warmth of sleep. That should be fine, right? It's not like there's an emergency or anything...
> 
> No. That's wrong.
> 
> That wasn't a dream, was it? There's a war going on. He played spy for Marley's sake. Porco dated a girl who tried to blow them all up. And...
> 
> There's dread in his chest as he grips his blanket. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he pulls it off. 
> 
> Yeah. Not a dream, alright.
> 
> His left leg was indeed crushed under the rubble of the explosion. It seems the doctors who took care of him decided to cut it, which only makes sense. When he closes his right eye, the world turns black as if both eyes are closed. And that's not speaking of how much his body aches from who knows how long he's slept.
> 
> He was brought back to Liberio because he can no longer fight.
> 
> And? What about Zeke? What about Porco? Colt? Pieck? The kids? Reiner? Yelena? Everyone else? Are they still out there fighting in this damned war? And instead of stealing information from the enemy to help them forge their victory, Eren is in Liberio now.
> 
> A broken Warrior Candidate who will just get in everyone's way if he stayed in the frontlines.
> 
> It's logical. It makes sense. It's better for everyone else that Eren goes home. At least this way, he won't distract anyone nor become a hindrance. 
> 
> But he still feels the bitter tears gather in his eyes.
> 
> Damn it. Damn it. 
> 
> He was so close. The end of the war felt like it was just at the tip of his fingertips. He was promised the right to meet the enemy's General.
> 
> And now the dream is over.
> 
> The curtain has lifted, leaving nothing but a useless Eldian who can't even do something as simple as keeping watch. Who couldn't even figure out that his best friend's girlfriend was a spy. Who couldn't even protect those he swore he would. 
> 
> What good is Eren Jaeger anyways?


	18. interlude - how would things have changed if Eren was a girl?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude, meaning it has nothing to do with the main story. You can safely ignore this chapter if the following isn't to your tastes.
> 
> Warning: fem!Eren. Sexism. Sexual harassment.
> 
> Just as a side note, Part 3 might take a bit of time. Please be patient with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about expanding more on Helen and her frame of mind. But I decided ultimately that she said all that she wanted to say. An interlude about her would be a long recap of everything in part 2 and well... that's boring to write, and therefore to read. 
> 
> So instead, have this fem!Eren what-if scenario because the other fem!Eren story I'm writing doesn't include Porco and... Let's just say that Porco was rather insistent that we do this instead. ;-; Please, save me from him. I want to write other things, too.... haaa....
> 
> I'm sticking with the name "Eren" even though he's a girl in this story. Why? Because I'm lazy and I feel that once I change the name, she'll feel too much like an OC. And we all know what happens when you're an OC in my stories. 
> 
> The following interlude takes place during chapter 14 "how focused i've been without you." That's the drinking celebration party at Base Rupes part 2 (so after Reiner's confession), in case you were wondering.

It's warmer than usual.

In fact, it feels kind of like someone else is in bed with her. Did Gabi and Zofia crawl into her bed again in the middle of the night? Sometimes, if they really miss home or they have nightmares (and let's be honest. Who among them don't have nightmares?), they do that. And to be utterly honest, Eren will always prefer them to think of her as a safe enough place to do that than cry alone in their beds.

She rubs her eyes and yawns. Then slowly, she sits up in bed, taking care not to disturb anyone else on the bed with her. The first thing she notes is someone's arm hung loosely around her middle. Then she notes the well-defined back muscles of the young man sleeping next to her. Next, it occurs to her that this isn't her room, this isn't her bed. And finally, the events of last night comes flooding back.

The members of the Warrior Division were over at Base Rupes to celebrate Reiner "stopping" the attack Izan planned. Eren got piss-poor drunk, trying to challenge Reiner to a drinking competition in hopes of forgetting about that damned... t-talk. Porco was an overbearing mother-hen all last night. But thanks to that, Eren doesn't have any sign of a hangover.

"You're such a good wife," Eren tells Porco affectionately. "If I were a man, I'd definitely marry you."

She reaches over to pat Porco's head. The gel from yesterday must have worn off a good chunk, because it's no longer staying back in a perfectly sleek manner. But there are certain areas that stay in clumps. She ruffles Porco's hair as much as she wants, giggling in delight when it becomes clear that Porco will have a bad hair day today. Hah. That's what he gets for stuffing Eren full of water and then getting mad when Eren said she had to pee.

"Is it that fun to mess with someone's pride and joy?" Porco growls, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Eren answers by ruffling Porco's hair even more.

With a low groan, Porco forces himself up to fend for his hair. He grabs Eren's left wrist, so Eren quickly messes up Porco's hair as much as she can with her right hand. Unfortunately, she doesn't get much done before Porco grabs both of her wrists.

"Hah!" Porco says, grinning. "Not so great now, are you?"

Eren tries to pull her hands free and ends up pulling Porco much too close. That would've been just fine, if Porco wasn't so disoriented from just waking up. He loses his balance and falls on top of Eren, pushing her down onto her back on the bed. His legs are positioned between hers. She feels that if they weren't, they would be painfully on top of her legs. So she supposes that's a small victory.

But the bastard has the nerve to keep his hold tight on Eren's wrists, pinning them next to her head, almost like an after-thought. He has just enough sense to not collapse right onto her chest, which is probably a leftover from all the years of Zeke's threats. But now his nose is just barely touching hers. And really, Zeke, is this any better?

It's only because they're this close that she can't help but to notice it.

"Porco, you have eye boogers."

There's the slightest of pause as if Porco can't quite understand what she just said. Then it must have sunk in, because his face turns pink with embarrassment (Even though it's not all that embarrassing of a thing to have eye boogers. Wait, is it?). Instead of just letting her go to clean himself, the asshole gets petty.

He reels his head back and smashes his forehead against hers.

*

"Who even does that? You are the worst! You could've killed me by headbutting me like that," Eren complains as Porco brushes her hair with his fingers.

It's punishment, in case you were wondering. She has half a mind to demand that he carry her around all morning, too. But she feels like that one might be excessive (Not to mention Zeke might get worried that she drank too much, and she really doesn't want to worry her brother over something stupid like this), so she's just going to settle for having her hair brushed. She doesn't trust him to put her hair up the way she likes it, but if he makes an effort of putting it up in a decent enough ponytail, she guesses she could keep it. To shame him for being so bad at putting up her hair, you know?

"Oh, shut it. No one has ever died of being headbutted. And if anything, it was my revenge for you puking all over me yesterday!"

"I did not!"

Porco stops brushing her hair to point. She follows the finger towards Porco's jacket that seems to have been carefully hung up to dry.

Huh? He's not lying? She puked? B-but she's really good with alcohol! The only time she had to do that was when she was young and naive and didn't know her own limits yet. Since then, she had been perfectly careful about how much she drank, especially if Pieck wasn't watching over her to stop any unwanted advances. And even if she was challenging Reiner, she couldn't have been so stupid as to drink that much, right? Especially not in front of someone who confessed to her and could so easily take advantage of her?

... She really needs to thank Porco for showing up last night, doesn't she?

"S-sorry," she manages out. And because that one didn't sound very sincere, she takes a deep breath. "Sorry. I was stupidly overconfident."

Porco lets out a soft sigh and resumes brushing her hair. "I'm just going to put it all up."

"Not even going to attempt a bun?" she can't help but to tease.

He tugs an extra bit harder than he needs to. "If it bothers you that much, just redo it after we get to the headquarter. Why do you even want your hair up anyways? It looks fine down, and it's not like we're going to be sparring."

That's something that happened two years ago that Eren never told anyone but her grandma. One night, she got into a bad enough argument with Porco while being over at his place that she stormed out. There were some... dumbasses that thought it would be funny to try something with her, and she learned rather quickly how disadvantageous it is to have her hair down. Of course, her being a Warrior Candidate, she resolved the matter on her own without needing any help or getting anyone else involved.

But she learned her lesson.

The only time her hair stays completely down is if she's in safe enough company. She did at one point just cut it off. But it made Zeke heartbroken to not be able to buy her cute hairpins while out on long missions, and she really didn't want to explain to him that she was such a weakling that she was targeted. So she gritted her teeth and settled for her signature messy or half-bun.

"You don't think I look cute with my hair up?" Eren says instead.

"Maybe if you were cute like Pieck, you'd be cute no matter what you did. But as it is, all I see is a spoiled asshole."

Eren rolls her eyes. There Porco goes again about how much cuter Pieck is. Jeesh, she doesn't get why he didn't ask Pieck out instead of Helen then. Or maybe that's because Helen is as cute as Pieck? Eren files away this information as something to research later.

"Fine! You just lost your brushing privilege!" Eren decides.

"Huh? I thought I was being punished?"

She pulls her hair free from Porco's hands and bolts for Porco's jacket in the corner of the room. Before Porco can protest or come after her, she puts on the jacket and runs out the door.

"Hey! Give that back, you ass!"

*

It's much faster to put up her own hair, even if she's on the run from Porco. Maybe she should punish Porco more often to brush her hair. That way, he'll finally learn how to do it properly. Or is that stepping too much into Helen's zone? She should check with Pieck about the proper etiquette for these kinds of situations.

"Eren! Get back here! That's mine!"

She wonders if it'll be too petty to yell back that other people are trying to sleep so Porco should shut up. Probably, right? Not to mention rude.

Besides, it's more fun to just ignore him and run through the halls like this. It makes her think back to when they were just dumb kids who believed the world will always bend for them. Don't you know? They were Warrior Candidates! They were undefeatable!

"I'm going to eat everything from your sweets stash!"

That actually makes Eren glance back. Porco doesn't mean that, right? He wouldn't dare do something so cruel to his best friend, right?

If she hadn't been so distracted by Porco's threat, she would have had more than enough self-awareness to realize that someone was in her path. So all of this is Porco's fault.

She runs straight into someone's well-built chest (way too well-built. What is this? Made out of rocks?). When she stumbles to catch her balance, that someone grabs her to help steady her.

"Are you alright?"

Reiner.

Already, her traitorous mind is replaying Reiner's confession from yesterday. She feels her cheeks heat up. Damn it. Damn it. This cannot be happening. Why the hell is she feeling so flushed for? It's just Reiner!

"Eren?" Reiner asks, head quirked just a bit to the side in concern.

Stop looking at her like that! She feels her heartbeat quicken, and she wants to bury herself in this spot right now. Reiner did not just make her heart skip. That did not just happen. It's just the circumstances. It has nothing to do with Reiner. This has nothing to do with him!

"F-fine," she manages out, unable to meet his eyes.

There's the smallest of pauses before Reiner puts his hand on her chin, gently pulling her head up so they can meet eyes. Any normal time, she would have decked him for daring to touch her. Any normal time, she would have gotten angry at this guy's audacity to talk to her. But for whatever reasons, she finds her body frozen.

Is it because of the damned confession? Is that why she's so off her game? But they're just words. Since when has she been so mentally weak that three words would throw her off like this?

"Caught you!"

Porco grabs Eren by the back of the jacket and yanks her backwards into his chest. He quickly wraps his arms around her to prevent any attempt at escaping. Without a single glance at Reiner, he sniggers in her ear. It tickles just enough for her to squirm.

"Did you really think you can outrun me?"

He reaches for his jacket, fully intent on taking it off of her. And of course, he just had to take it for himself, doesn't he? Can't stomach her wearing his precious jacket? Asshole!

Reiner grabs Porco's hand with a serious look on his face that Eren doesn't expect.

"What the hell are you doing?" Reiner asks, his voice low.

Porco frees his hand without much issue. But he doesn't let his grip around Eren loosen in the slightest. Eren would've liked to have used that chance to run again, but it seems Porco knows her way too well.

"Exactly what it looks like," Porco growls. "Whatever I want with my things."

Oh, he's not laughing anymore. Did seeing Reiner's face ruin his mood? Eren's the same. But she gets the feeling the reason for her ruined mood is a bit different from-

She doesn't even realize that something has happened until she realizes that she is free. Then she registers the thud of someone falling down and... Huh? What's Porco doing on the ground, holding his cheek? Did he get hit? But Eren didn't do anything that could...

Slowly, she turns towards Reiner who is livid about something. From the way his arms are positioned, he clearly just punched Porco.

Huh? Reiner? Punch Porco? No, no. Reiner doesn't do the punching. He's always the one who gets punched. This situation isn't making any sense in her head. And she has no idea how much of it has to do with Reiner's confession still messing with her.

"Eren isn't your 'thing!'" Reiner growls.

And huh? Huh??? What the hell is this guy talking about?

Eren glances down and meets eyes with Porco, who looks just as baffled as she feels. Good. So she's not going crazy. Reiner is making no sense.

"The hell are you on?" Porco demands.

Seeing their confusion, Reiner's anger seems to have cooled. The three of them glance at one another awkwardly.

"E-Eren," Reiner tries. "S-she's not your 'thing.' Y-you said..."

It clicks.

"Are you stupid? Porco was talking about his jacket. Why... the hell would you think that he was talking about me?" Eren asks.

Porco stands up, looking like a second away from punching Reiner. And although Eren would like to see that herself, she knows better than to let them start a fight here. Too many witnesses here think too highly of Reiner. It'll be better that they take this back to the headquarter with the disguise of "sparring" covering them.

"I... I just... erm..." Reiner stammers. "I-I'm so sorry."

"No, I don't want an apology. Answer Eren. Why the hell did you immediately think of her when I said 'thing?'" Porco's voice drips with venom.

"What do you mean escaped?!"

Eren's head snaps towards the yell. That should be because of Alvaro. What good timing. She'll use that as an excuse to redirect Porco's anger for now.

She puts her hand on Porco's arm. The anger in his eyes doesn't look like it'll cool any time soon. But she needs him to be calmer. She makes a small motion towards the direction of the yell. It's clear that Porco doesn't want to go along with it, but he takes a deep breath and nods. At least his head is clear enough that he's not going to fight Reiner now.

The two turn to leave.

"W-wait. I-I'll come, too," Reiner says.

Eren wonders if this guy just doesn't have a brain. Can't he see that she's trying to keep the two of them apart so there won't be a fight?

"Whatever," Porco growls lowly.

Annoyances, both of them!

*

"What happened here?" Eren asks the gathered group in the hallway that leads to where Alvaro was held last night.

As expected, the gathered soldiers turn to Reiner and Porco to answer that question. Eren may outrank the soldiers, but at the end of the day, Reiner and Porco are both Warriors... Although that's how she would like to think, she already knows that it's because she's a girl. They would a thousand times prefer to report to a man.

Whatever. It's fine. She already knows what happened here. She's just going through the motions to not look suspicious.

"The attacker from yesterday seems to have escaped. We're doing everything we can to figure out what happened."

Porco must still be fuming in anger. Normally, he would just go along with things like this without much grumble. But he turns to the soldier with a sneer on his face.

"I didn't ask. She did. Answer to her."

"S-sorry sir!" With that, the soldiers scramble to turn to Eren. "A-anything else you'd like to know, ma'am?"

Eren hates it when they call her "ma'am." But if she says anything about that, she gets a bad feeling Porco might lash out at this poor soldier again. No choice, she'll just ignore it and focus on clearing her name.

"When was it discovered that he's missing?"

"Early this morning. We aren't sure when he escaped."

"Signs of foul play?" she asks, already knowing the answer. Of course, there are signs. She left some on purpose.

The soldier hesitates, which she expected. Admitting that their captive escaped is bad enough, but to admit to someone on their side betrayed them? It's probably a sore point for them. Eren feels guilty for putting them on the spotlight like this.

But it seems that hesitation was a second too late.

"Hey, answer her!" Porco snaps.

Even Reiner flinches at the volume. Is it finally sinking in for him just what kind of a landmine he escaped? Eren hopes so. Because she may be willing to deal with Porco's idiocy and temper, but she's not about to add Reiner on top of that.

She calms the soldier with a soothing smile and a, "Give me a moment."

With one movement, she takes off the jacket. In the next, she throws it over Porco's head and yanks him close to her so that the jacket covers both of their heads. Once upon a time, Eren read somewhere that when your hawk gets antsy, you should cover their head and let them calm in the darkness. She doesn't think she's supposed to be under the hood with Porco for that calming effect, but oh well. It's not a perfect metaphor.

"What are you doing, Porco?" she asks, ignoring the way their noses brush with every movement. "I'm not that weak."

"I know you're not. But these dumbasses-"

She sighs and jabs a finger at his rib. It earns her a loud yelp as Porco jerks back, almost letting him escape from under the jacket. She pulls him back. He lets out a low whine and presses his head against her left shoulder. And now that she thinks about it, isn't Porco more like a hunting dog than a hawk?

"That's mean. I'm just watching out for you."

"Porco, what you did for me last night was watching out for me. This right now is overbearing. I need you to stop."

There's a small pause of silence before Porco nods against her shoulder. That's good. He's being reasonable. That means his anger hasn't hit a boiling point yet. Perhaps that's something only Eren can do? She feels like that shouldn't be something she's proud of, but she is anyways.

"I am thankful. But let me fight my own battles."

He stays quiet for a second longer before he sighs. "Okay. Sorry for being an ass."

She resists the urge to ruffle his hair. Instead, she places her hand on the back of his neck for a second as solidarity. When she feels confident that Porco will be fine, Eren leaves the jacket over Porco's head to go talk to the soldiers.

*

"I'm assuming you released the captive?" Magath asks when Eren next reports in.

"Yes sir. Since any information he might have had is something that I already knew and since it would be bothersome if the information the captive leaked ended up having to do with me, I believed this to be the best option."

Magath's second doesn't look too happy with her words, not that he ever does. Eren could deliver the end of the war on a platter, and this guy will still look at her like that.

"I heard reports that you spent the night with Porco," Magath says, changing the topic. "If you end up pregnant, I expect you to put that child as the priority over this mission."

This talk again.

Since Porco has inherited the Jaw Titan, Magath has hammered on this point quite often (Actually, it was around back when Marcel first got the Jaw Titan, too, now that she thinks about it). It's too obvious what Magath (and the rest of Marley) wants by saying something like that. A child of a Warrior who will be perfect to inherit the Jaw Titan once Porco's time runs out. Someone young enough (like they were) to not question the way of the world. Someone Marley can easily shape into their little tool.

Eren refuses to take the bait by getting mad. Because the minute they realize how devastating those words are for her, wouldn't they turn their disgusting eyes towards Gabi or Zofia or Pieck? The only reason why they're stuck on Eren is because she's always been by Porco's side. As long as she can keep their attention on her like this, she should be able to keep the others safe from this.

"Porco has a girlfriend," Eren says lightly.

"Doesn't matter. If you're pregnant with his kid, you're pregnant," Magath's second points out.

She can't help but to wonder if Helen receives these kinds of talks, too. Just in case, she should talk with her and help her process through this.

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I spend the night."

*

"Pieck, I want a girls' night," Eren declares.

"What did Porco do this time?" is the laughing answer she receives.

Eren rolls her eyes. "That idiot lost his cool about the dumbest thing... Wait, no. This isn't about Porco. Stop laughing and listen to me!"

It takes a bit more of laughing and teasing before Pieck finally settles down.

"Huh? You want to invite Helen?"

Eren nods. "It only makes sense to do that, doesn't it? I mean, Porco has to be serious about her. This is the only girl he's ever shown interest in aside from you."

Pieck opens her mouth and then closes it wordlessly. She stares at Eren with that exasperated endearment that Eren is much too used to receiving from her.

"You still in?"

"Y-yeah," Pieck says. "Just... really proud of you for being so mature."

Eren rolls her eyes. "And the truth?"

"Just completely baffled that a cat fight that can potentially happen will be over Porco, of all people!"

*

Helen looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. But Pieck outranks both of them, so she seems to have settled for silently watching how this will unfold. Eren is grateful that Pieck is here, because she's coming up blank on how to approach Helen.

"I've been really curious," Pieck tells Helen with a sheepish smile. "But what do you see in Porco? He's... kind of stupid."

"He's not stupid. He just... lacks common sense," Eren protests.

Pieck rolls her eyes. "Yes, yes. Enough from the peanut. Helen?"

Eren's protest that she's not a peanut goes ignored to prompt Helen to answer the question. She supposes that she is curious as to what Helen will say, too. But at the same time, there's a part of her dreading it.

"I... can't say yet. I don't know him well enough," she says.

"If it turns out that he's too stupid for you, will you dump him?" Pieck asks curiously.

Helen gives her a helpless shrug. "Maybe? We'll have to see."

Eren wonders why she feels so uncomfortable. Those words are reasonable. Helen hasn't said anything that's glaringly wrong or spiteful. So why does she feel a knee-jerk reaction to disagree with everything that Helen says? This kind of attitude made sense when it came to Reiner. But Helen hasn't wronged Eren... Has she?

"But I suppose I could ask you guys the same. Why have neither of you dated him?"

Pieck's eyes land on Eren for a beat. Then she turns to Helen with a neutral smile. "I can't date stupid people. It'll drive me up the wall."

Helen nods and turns to Eren, waiting for her words. But what's there to say? It never happened because it never occurred to her. Date Porco? No, no. They're friends. Porco doesn't even see Eren as a girl. And Eren... W-well, anyways. They're friends. That's all there is to it.

"We're just friends," Eren reiterate out loud. "Besides, I have... s-someone that... caught my eyes."

"You do?!" Pieck exclaims.

Now that Pieck's attention has moved to Eren, Helen visibly relaxes. Both girls look to Eren in curiosity. Pieck's curiosity is that of excited glee. Helen's more of polite interest.

"Who? Is it someone I know? Ohhh! I should've known you had something fun when you said you wanted a girls' night!" Pieck squeals.

It's too late to turn back now. Eren feels her cheeks redden as she struggles with her words.

"R-Reiner... c-confessed to me."

Pieck's excitement extinguishes within seconds. The sudden shift in mood seems to have caught Helen just as off-guard as Eren. They both look at Pieck, confused.

"Reiner confessed to you? Y-you mean... _that_ Reiner confessed? Not just anyone but-"

"Yes, that Reiner. Reiner Braun," Eren says exasperatedly.

Pieck doesn't look very convinced. "And you didn't kill him on the spot? Sounds fake."

"Is there something wrong with Warrior Braun?" Helen asks uncertainly.

"Oh! No, no. Nothing's wrong. He just has a bad relationship with Eren," Pieck explains quickly. "These two haven't gotten along since Reiner ended up with the Armored Titan instead of her."

Eren notes that Pieck is carefully leaving Marcel out. That's up to Eren to decide whether she wants Helen to know, huh? Thanks, Pieck. Right now, Eren doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk about Marcel. So this will have to do.

"But that was when we were kids. He's... he's probably changed since then and all that. And... and h-he said..."

She's too flustered to finish the rest of that sentence. Already, she can see Reiner's soft smile in her mind, confessing to her as if there's absolutely nothing wrong with this. As if she hadn't beaten him to an inch of his life before. As if she hadn't screamed bloody murder at him before. As if she could ever be deserving of such gentleness.

"Do you want to give him a chance?" Helen asks.

Eren opens her mouth and then shuts it. Yes? No? Maybe? She doesn't know. She covers her face.

"I'm... supposed to, aren't I? At the very least, I should acknowledge that he's trying."

There's a look on Helen's face that Eren isn't sure how to read. It doesn't seem positive, though. Is she remembering something that she doesn't like?

"Why do you have to give him a try just because he likes you? It's fine to say no."

Eren feels touched, she really does. It feels like Helen is watching out for her. But if that's the case, then there's something that's a little backwards, isn't there?

"Then why are you giving Porco a try?"

It looks like Helen didn't think of it like that. Her eyes widen and she stammers to defend herself. But Eren isn't trying to attack her. She's just curious. She makes sure that Helen knows that.

"It's the same for you, too. If you don't want to, you don't have to go along with Porco. That guy can get really selfish and self-absorbed. But he's good at heart. You just have to let him know when you can't stand things."

Eren isn't sure what that expression on Helen's face is. But from the soft way Pieck smiles, she thinks she said the right thing.

"I... want us to be friends. If we have dumb problems or even if it's just silly gossip, I want us to feel comfortable enough to share. Is that okay with you, Helen?"

There's a second's pause as Helen allows that to sink in. Then her expression finally crumbles, and she takes a careful second to hide herself. Eren gets the feeling that she might have been alone for a very long time.

She and Pieck sit next to Helen and talk about mundane things until Helen finally looks up at them and joins in.

*

"Sometimes, you just say and do things that make you so cool," Pieck says lightly.

"Just sometimes?" Eren teases.

Pieck laughs, but it sounds just a tad bit sad. Eren doesn't get Pieck sometimes.

*

Today is not going to be a good day.

She can feel it from the way her entire body seems to feel sluggish and heavy. There's a headache that's settled uncomfortably between her temples. And don't even get her started about how often her gag reflex is acting up even though there's nothing to trigger it.

How wonderful to be feeling like this the minute she wakes up. She groans and covers her eyes.

"Eren?" Zofia asks softly. "You okay?"

"Want us to get Pieck?" Gabi suggests.

"I'm okay," Eren muffles into her arm. And after a second's thought, she adds, "Can you let everyone know I'll join them late? Just... want to rest for now."

"Okay!"

They're such good kids when they're not being mischievous little jerks. Eren blames Porco for his horrible influence. She doesn't even get why they take after Porco either. Doesn't it make more sense for them to take after Colt and his sweetness?

Ah, whatever. Her head hurts too much to think about this for any longer.

*

She groggily wakes up to the feeling of someone's warm hand against her forehead. It's not big enough to be Zeke's nor is it small enough to be the kids'. Therefore, it must be...

"Porco?"

"Yeah, it's me," Porco answers without pulling his hand away. "You feel a bit warm. Did you catch a cold?"

"I don't feel too good," she manages out.

There's a soft sigh as Porco moves his hand to comb through Eren's hair in a familiarly comfortable way. Eren sighs and leans into the touch.

"Magath went on and on about pregnancy and it... really caught me off-guard. Didn't know that you and R-Reiner were..."

"We're not," Eren snarls. "Magath's stupid."

Did Porco just let out a sigh of relief? Does the idea of Reiner getting some before him disgust him that much? Eren mentally rolls her eyes. Stupid guys and their competitions.

"Zeke made some hot porridge. You want some?"

"Later."

Porco doesn't stop running his fingers through her hair. "Want me to sing you a lullaby?"

Even though she doesn't answer, he knows her well enough to do it without further prompt.

*

The next time she wakes up, Porco is dozing by her bedside on a chair he must have borrowed from one of the meeting rooms. What a familiar scene, she thinks.

She feels a bit better. The headache has lessened to a dull throb. She still feels sluggish. But at least she's not gagging at nothing. Maybe she should have considered taking a painkiller. Except those are expensive and she doesn't want to use what might be needed on the battlefield. Even if she is a Warrior Candidate and the daughter of a doctor, she doesn't feel comfortable splurging medicine like that.

"Porco, that looks uncomfortable. If you want, you can sleep on the bed."

There's no answer. He must be pretty deeply asleep.

Only one thing left to do then.

She reaches over and yanks him by the front onto the bed. The force of the movement jerks him awake. But the minute his eyes catch sight of her, he relaxes and lets her pull him close.

"You could've just asked," he grumbles as he kicks off his boots. He then maneuvers the blanket so that it's over them and not stuck awkwardly.

"I did. You didn't answer."

Porco rolls his eyes. "The hell you want me in bed anyways? Wouldn't you rather your boyfriend?"

"Too big. You're the perfect size to be my teddy bear. C'mon, Porco. I'm not feeling well. Spoil me."

"You're such a pain."

Despite the complaint, Porco takes Eren's pillow for himself. He then offers his arm for Eren. When she settles in, he wraps his other arm around Eren. Who needs a blanket when Porco's this warm and comfy? 

This is nice, she thinks. Even if it's just for now. Even if she knows this can't last, this is nice.

"Hey, sing me that lullaby again."

* * *

* * *

The first thing Porco notices is how hot it is. Then he notes just a bit of dampness on his back. Did he sweat in his sleep? Just how hot did it get? Ugh. Gross.

The second thing he notices is the soft giggles and whispering. When he braves opening his eyes, he's greeted with Pieck, Zofia, and Gabi smirking down at him. His gut reaction is annoyance. Damn it. Why do they have to bother him in his own... Wait. Hold on.

"Should've known you'd be the little spoon," Pieck says lightly.

But Porco isn't listening to her anymore.

Because that's not his sweat that's making his back damp.

He kicks off the blankets and turns to Eren. And shit. Shit. He should've realized when she said she wasn't feeling well that there was something wrong. He should've realized just how badly she must be feeling if she decided not to leave the bed this morning. He should've realized that she needed help when she asked for a teddy bear to sleep with.

Her cheeks are flushed red and her breathing is labored and heavy. There's a thin layer of sweat on her, which probably made his back so damp. He didn't imagine it before. She has a fever. 

Without hesitation, he scoops her in his arms, holding her close to his chest. When he turns to the other three, they have already moved to open the door and clear a path for him. Pieck puts a light jacket over Eren's sleeping form. Porco maneuvers so that he's half-holding the jacket so that it won't fall off of Eren.

"To the doctor at Base Rupes?" Pieck asks.

Porco nods. "Let everyone know."

Gabi makes a move to go with Porco, but Pieck stops her. Zofia glances at them and also stands down. Porco doesn't know what Pieck is planning, but he doesn't have the capacity to care about the three of them right now.

Eren needs help.

*

His luck is rotten enough that he runs into Helen on his way to the doctor. She pauses for a second before her eyes land on Eren.

"What happened?"

"Sick? I don't know. I'm going to the doc."

She presses her lips into a thin line, but she nods. He follows her to the clinic.

*

The two of them wait in the waiting room while the doctor looks over Eren in the other room. The initial look on the doctor's face seemed grave, so Porco really isn't looking forward to the diagnosis. If he had noticed earlier, would he have been able to help Eren? Would he have been able to stop the fever from getting this bad? Damn it. Marcel would never have let it come to this point. Would Reiner have been any better? Is it just Porco who can't take care of the most important person in his life? 

"You love her."

Porco's head snaps over to Helen, who has a soft smile on her face. She nods towards the door where the doctor is looking over Eren.

"Eren, I mean. You don't seem like the type to get this emotional for anyone but her."

"What of it?" Porco growls lowly in warning.

Helen shrugs. "Just an observation... Hey, why did you ask me out when you love her?"

Like that's even a question.

"Did you know? Most Warriors don't start families or have children. It's just... too cruel. Because Marley expects those children to grow up to inherit our titans. Ever since I got the Jaw, the pressure on her to have kids intensified. I... was hoping you'd help alleviate it."

"That's something they'll tell me now that we're dating, isn't it?" Helen asks.

Porco gulps. "Yeah... Sorry. I... know I should be more concerned for you, but... if it'll help Eren, I don't really care. Even if I know she'll disapprove, I just... wanted to do something that could help her."

She falls silent. He can't tell if she's angry at him or what. If it'll make her more comfortable, he's fine with calling this off. He'll just come up with a different way to protect Eren... He doesn't know what yet. But surely, he can come up with something, right? If it's for Eren? 

"I see. So that's what it is... That's why she was... She's quite kind, isn't she?"

Porco can't help but to beam. "She is! She's the kindest person I know. But that kindness of hers is also what makes dealing with her such a pain. For once, put yourself first. How am I supposed to understand that she's sick if she just says she wants a teddy bear?"

Helen doesn't judge him or say annoying things about how he should tell Eren his feelings or what have you. She just smiles and nods, looking surprisingly genuinely happy about listening to Porco go on and on about Eren.

It helps keep his mind on something other than worry.

*

"I don't get why you were so worried!" Eren complains, crossing her arms in front of herself. "There was absolutely no need to bother the doctor. I would have just slept through it all!"

She goes on and on about this and that, but Porco is just relieved to be able to hear her voice. For just a second, he really feared that...

"We're now even for my jacket," he decides instead.

Eren gives him a dirty look. "We were even about that stupid jacket ages ago!"

Porco laughs, knowing it'll make her pout. Later, he'll offer her some sweets for forgiveness. But for now, he can't imagine anything better than being by Eren's side.

"Stop laughing, you ass!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this, I realized just how wrong this is because there's no way the leadup to this moment would've been the same if Eren was a girl. In fact, I'm not fully convinced that Porco would've asked Helen out, only because I don't think he'd ever want to put anyone through the whole "You have to get pregnant for Marley" deal. Nor do I think the hostage situation would end up the same way.
> 
> But since this is just a short interlude that has nothing to do with the rest of the story nor does it have to make sense, we're just going to put a seal on it and pretend this never happened.


	19. our feelings for each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I hope you guys have been craving PorcoxEren fluff because that's all we'll be getting for the next 3-ish chapters. ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <strike>Porco, you dumbass. Stop sending me progress reports as letters. They're going to think you're leaking vital information</strike>
> 
> <strike>Porco, the truth is I was actually working as a spy. For Marley's side. I'm not betraying Marley. But if you keep sending me your shitty reports, they're going to think we've both defected. So if you could please have an ounce of brain cells for once and not put both our families in danger</strike>
> 
> <strike>Porco, stop causing Zeke problems and just get along with Reiner. He and I aren't together. We were never together. It was for this mission and oh boy, this is going to take a while to explain, so don't you dare look away from this letter until I'm done, got it? So the thing is</strike>
> 
> <strike>Porco, your mom wants to know when you're coming back. I also want to know, too. When you're back, there's something I</strike>
> 
> <strike>I miss you</strike>
> 
> _Ass._
> 
> *
> 
> "What...? That's not fair! How come even Reiner gets an actual letter?" Porco exclaims when the realization dawns on him.
> 
> Pieck rolls her eyes, but he sees her shoulders shake in laughter. "Why? What kind of sweet nothings does Eren send you?"
> 
> Porco wordlessly holds up the letter he received with a single word written on it. 
> 
> "That's... that's nothing, alright," Zeke notes.
> 
> "It's a waste of paper, that's what it is," Colt says unhelpfully.
> 
> Porco absolutely hates the blush on Reiner's face like he's someone important to Eren. Damn it. This isn't fair. The minute he gets back to Liberio, he's going to have a firm talk with Eren. The most important person to Eren is Porco, isn't he? Then Eren can't treat him like this!
> 
> "Don't mention when I'm going to go home. I've got... a little surprise for my best friend."

**Part 3: Focal Point**

If he keeps lying to himself and says that it's not hard to live missing a leg and an eye, he wonders if he'll wake up one day and believe it. According to some of the veteran patients that stop by the clinic, it's something that can be rough to get used to but will get easier with time.

"That's the coolest thing. Time heals everything."

Eren wonders when he'll start to feel like he's healed.

At the very least, his family doesn't treat him like glass. Living at a clinic does have that advantage (and living with two doctors and their wives who are more than used to dealing with grumpy patients). There's no skirting around the topic of his missing limb or blind eye. Things don't just suddenly turn awkward when they realize that Eren can no longer do some of the things he used to (like it does sometimes when Eren talks to their neighbors or with some of the Marleyan soldiers when he stops by the headquarter). Instead, his family seems to take it all in stride.

"Oh Eren, nice timing," his grandpa says with a kind smile. "Won't you lend me a hand? Because, you know... You can't lend your leg! Haha!"

It makes it nearly impossible to stay depressed when he's fending off such cringey jokes.

"You can't lend a leg either, Gramps. What if your frail body falls and breaks?"

His grandpa laughs and ruffles Eren's hair. "Your claws are sharp as always, Little Tiger! Now, come here. You're going to stitch our good friend's stomach here back up while I coach you. My hands are not as steady as they used to be! Haha!"

And it makes it nearly impossible to pity himself when he is constantly kept busy, trying to help the patients at the clinic.

*

"Eren, have you seen the latest medical journals? I swear I put them down here..."

"Right here, mom," he says, pointing at his dad.

"Sorry, Carla. Do you want them?" Grisha asks.

Carla shakes her head with a graceful smile. "No, no. It's fine. Just curious. You know how your dad gets about these journals."

Eren figured that would be all, but then his mom turns to him with a sweet smile. Belatedly, he realizes that the medical journals was an excuse to lure his defenses down. She's planning something that she knows he's going to hate.

"That's right, Eren! Lelia mentioned that the tomatoes this year are especially delicious. She saved us a box. Won't you be a dear and pick that up for us?"

Lelia being Porco's mom. The trek to the Galliards is something that Eren has made over a billion times before. He knows the way there and back even in the dead of the night with not a single street lamp or stars guiding his way. And don't even get him started on all the fruits, vegetables, and other gifts exchanged by the two families that he (and Porco) had to carry back and forth on so many occasions.

But Eren is a bit stuck on the fact that his mom is telling him to bring home a box of tomatoes. And yeah, he ran small errands here and there since he lost his leg. But a box of tomatoes sound much heavier than a bag of carrots or even a carton of milk. Don't get him wrong, he can do it. It'll take him a very long time, but he can do it. And yeah, he's been pretty grateful to his family for not taking pity on him. But at the same time... There are certain things that aren't as easy for him to do anymore.

"Oh, I can take care of that," Grisha says, putting the journal down to stand up.

The smile on Carla's face feels colder than usual. Did Grisha mess something up recently? Eren vaguely recalls that his dad threw out some scrap fabric that his mom was apparently saving for something or another. But that was two days ago, wasn't it? Surely Carla isn't holding a grudge for that? No, no. There has to be something that happened more recently that's motivating his mom.

"Don't be silly, honey. Finish reading that journal for your dad. Eren, you'll take care of this, right?"

This isn't just about the tomatoes, is it?

Grisha frowns. "I don't think that's a-"

"That's right, Grisha. You don't think," comes the cold interruption.

If Eren lets this go on any longer, his clueless dad will end up sleeping on the couch tonight. Honestly, how did his dad score both Zeke's mom and Carla? He can be so dense when it comes to picking up social cues.

He stands up as fast as he can with his crutch.

"I got it. Don't worry, dad. I can do this much."

Before Grisha can say something else in worry, Eren makes a hasty exit.

*

Lelia looks tired.

Not tired as in she had a bad day. But tired as in the world has slowly but surely been weathering away at her wary soul. She looked pretty bad when Marcel was first sent away. But with Porco gone as well...

Eren can't help but to wonder if she regrets having kids. Or perhaps it's more that she regrets letting them become Warriors? He wonders if his own family feels the same.

"Are you growing out your hair? It looks good, Eren. Kind of reminds me of when Carla was younger," Lelia mentions with a small smile.

It's not because Helen had long hair. Why would anyone think that? Porco already said that Eren mattered more to him. And it's pathetic to be competing against a dead woman. He hasn't fallen that low. It just... so happened that he hadn't had the time to cut his hair yet. Yeah. That's it.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for not bringing anything for you. I... er... left home in kind of a hurry."

But he's pretty sure his grandma set aside that bag of apples in the kitchen for the Galliard family. He should have grabbed that before coming out. Damn it. Now he'll have to make two trips.

The small smile on Lelia's face turns sweet and fond. There's a soft look in her eyes that seem too much like she's treasuring this. It reminds Eren a bit of when Porco thinks that no one is watching and he goes to pat a small animal. Like he's been infinitely charmed by this moment in time.

He can't figure out why she'll smile like that. He didn't say anything that warrants that kind of a reaction... did he?

"Honestly, you two are so alike at times," she says.

It almost sounds like there's a chuckle hidden behind her voice. But she doesn't let it out. She hasn't really laughed since Marcel left. It's something that both Carla and Porco have mentioned in passing before.

"Then I'll get-"

In one second, Eren is standing in front of Lelia by the Galliard home. In the next, someone knocks him off of his one foot and crutch. Eren falls to the ground onto his butt, too surprised to catch himself properly. His crutch is just shy out of his grasp. But before he can reach for it, the someone kicks Eren's chest and presses his foot down, forcing Eren onto his back.

Then and only then does he finally see his attacker clearly.

"Hey, asshole. Let's talk."

Porco's home.

*

"I cannot believe you! I raised you better than that! Oh, Eren, are you alright? Does it hurt anywhere?"

Lelia alternates from yelling at Porco to fussing over Eren in rapid succession that makes Eren a bit dizzy to watch. The three of them are in the Galliard's kitchen, away from any spying eyes. But Eren gets the feeling that everyone can probably hear Lelia's loud yells from outside.

"I'm fine," Eren says.

Lelia nods and turns back to her son. "This is why you don't have any friend other than Eren! If he wasn't such a good kid who is always looking after you, you would have ended up just like your uncle!"

"Didn't you say that he died alone in his house and no one noticed until a week or so later when the smell got bad?" Porco asks, wrinkling his nose.

"Exactly!"

Eren covers his mouth to not laugh at how offended Porco looks.

"I will have you know that Colt is my friend, too!"

"Bully victims don't count!"

"I am not a bully!"

"You used to kick that poor boy for sport!"

Porco at least has the decency to blush. "I stopped, didn't I? A-and how was I supposed to know he didn't like it if he never said anything about it? Fight back! He has legs, too, doesn't he?"

He pauses when he realizes that Eren's shoulders are shaking from laughter. His lips pull into a snarl and he kicks the chair Eren's sitting on.

"Don't laugh! This is your fault!"

"Porco!" Lelia snaps.

"Ahhh! Whatever! It's fine because it's Eren!"

This is probably not a good time to speak up. He really shouldn't get between the two's arguments. But Eren can't stop himself in time.

He smiles sheepishly. "Yeah. It's fine because it's Porco."

Lelia grabs Eren by the shoulders, shaking her head.

"No, no, no. This kind of behavior is never fine. I don't know what my idiot son said to convince you, but-"

"Mom!"

*

Porco ends up carrying the box of tomatoes while Eren keeps him company by walking next to him. Eren imagines Porco is purposefully walking slowly to be mindful about Eren's crutch. But Eren could go faster. He just... kind of wants to spend some time with his friend, even if it's just walking with light talk between them.

"Your hair... Mom's right. It looks good," Porco mumbles.

The question of whether or not Porco likes it better this long is swallowed down. Instead, Eren changes the topic. "You know, now it makes sense why my mom forced me to come visit."

"I asked everyone to keep quiet about it. Don't blame her for it."

Eren glances at Porco, who seems to be doing his best to not make eye contact.

"You know, I... wasn't trying to hurt you," Porco mumbles. "Sorry. I forgot. I keep forgetting. That you're... your leg and... I shouldn't have lashed out. Sorry."

"I don't mind."

There's a self-deprecating sneer on Porco's face. "Because it's me?"

Eren laughs. "Not only. It... gets tiring to have people constantly look down on me because of this. I don't want our relationship to change any more."

Porco stops. It takes Eren a second to stop and turn to face him.

"Hey?"

This asshole is refusing to meet Eren's eyes. From the way he keeps hesitating, it's only too clear what he wants to say. He doesn't agree with Eren, does he? What? Is he too good for Eren now that Eren lost his leg and eye? He can no longer look at the two as equals? It makes sense, but it also burns Eren more than he'd like. Yeah, they can't spar like they used to anymore, but that's not fair. He can find other ways to fight. This doesn't have to be the end of what they have.

Has their conversation of being important to one another become meaningless now that Eren is useless? Has their feelings always been so shallow?

Then Porco must have made up his mind, because he suddenly looks up and meets Eren's eyes. Ah, that's a good look on his face. Even without Porco saying anything, Eren finds himself relaxing. Whatever conclusion Porco just arrived on, the two of them are going to be okay.

"Follow me. There's... something we need to talk about."

*

He doesn't expect for Porco to head towards the gates of the interment zone. The Public Security Authorities officers at the gate glances at them with knowing leers. They don't even make a show of stopping Porco. Instead, they open the gate and let the two of them go, waving in an almost mocking manner.

"T-they didn't even check your papers," Eren points out once they're in a more secluded area so they won't be overheard by passing Marleyans.

Porco smirks smugly. "Well, yeah. I already told them I'll be doing this. Got permission from Magath and everything. What are they going to do? Refuse our Commander?"

That one sounds fishy as hell.

"There's no way that Magath would go along with something like that!" Eren protests.

"But they don't know that. What? You thought you're the only one who can fake papers?" Porco asks, a bite of laughter behind his voice.

That's... That's a joke, right?

"W-whoa! You faked papers, Porco? You, the most honest person I know? The guy who never lies? You faked papers?!"

The grin on Porco's face dissolves into an annoyed scowl. "Is that a compliment or an insult? What's wrong with me faking papers? You do it all the time, and you can't lie worth shit. If you can do it, then I totally can!"

"No, no. That's different! Me faking papers was to ease my dad's paranoia. It just so happened that it was super useful, so I never stopped. But you're... you're honest, Porco. You're a good person. If you start compromising your morals like that, then you can't be Porco anymore!"

Apparently, that's not what you're supposed to say, because Porco suddenly kicks Eren's crutch so that Eren falls to the ground. Yes, it was on the grassy field by the river, but c'mon! That really hurts! A little warning would have been nice!

"You're the worst!" Eren groans, rubbing his butt.

Porco carefully puts the box of tomatoes down and turns to Eren, looking just a second away from kicking again. He makes no motion to help Eren up, which means that Eren has to pick himself up.

"Then don't say stupid shit."

Eren rolls his eyes as he reaches for his crutch. "The hell are you being so sensitive about this, anyways? Were you that bothered by not faking documents? It's... it's really not that big of a deal. Not to mention it's not really something you should be proud of."

It's there just for a second, but Eren catches it. The look of extreme discomfort on Porco's face before it's smoothed away by mild annoyance. There's something more here that Porco is actively trying to avoid, isn't there? This dumbass. Just say what the problem is, damn it. Don't dance around like that. Eren can't read minds. If Porco stays quiet, then Eren fears that they'll end up with their jilted distance as before. And Eren wants desperately to prevent that. They're not going to keep secrets from each other anymore, right? Because they're more important to each other than whatever secrets?

"Just say it," he snaps. "What? Did someone say something to you? Want me to go beat them up?"

Porco snorts lightly, letting Eren know that it's really not that bad. Then don't turn it into something so dramatic, idiot.

"I... started seeing it. Ymir's memories."

It's at the tip of Eren's tongue. The questions about Marcel's last moments. The questions about how much Reiner left out. But his throat tightens to a painful degree that he can't bring himself to say anything. Give Porco that time, he tells himself. Let Porco gather himself and say what he wants to say. Don't trample over Porco's grief.

Not this time.

Because if Eren is hurting this much, then as the person to have seen those memories, Porco must be aching.

"She was... a really pitiful person. I think the only thing she had going for her was Historia, the holder of the Attack Titan."

So what? Is Porco feeling guilty over the whole thing? Is he forgetting that Ymir killed Marcel first? She's the ones who ruined the mission. If it wasn't for that... If it wasn't for that...

A lot of things would be different, huh?

"... For a while after I inherited the Jaw from her, I kept seeing flashes of gold. And a few times, I think I saw Historia, too. But I didn't really put it all together until Reiner said... he said that Helen looks like Historia. Of course, I thought that was stupid as hell. What the hell does that have to do with me? So what if they look alike?"

Eren remembers Reiner mention that. But... huh? Wait, wait. Porco isn't saying...?

"When the memories started, it got frustratingly annoying. Not like I couldn't tell what's real or whatever. But just in a... Is this really my feeling kind of way? Did I choose Helen because of Historia? Was I that desperate to have someone by my side because of Ymir's dependency? Hey Eren..."

Porco grabs Eren by the shoulder and pushes him down onto his back. Curious as to what Porco wants, Eren allows him. They end up in a position they've been in a thousand times in their spars. Porco looming over, right hand on Eren's left shoulder to prevent any kind of escape. His left hand is on the other side of Eren's head to catch his balance. For once, he's not pinning Eren's legs down with his own. Is he that confident that Eren won't be able to flip their position just because he's missing a leg? Sure, Eren hasn't done it in a while, but he doubts it'll be impossible. He just needs to make sure he gets enough leverage.

"What if I am clinging to you as Ymir clung to Historia? What if this overwhelming need of mine to monopolize you comes from Ymir's feelings? What if the only reason why I think you're important to me is because you happened to be close and Ymir's feelings are stronger than mine? Knowing that, can you really say you want our relationship to stay the same? That I am important to you? When I might not even-"

Enough.

This is stupid.

Eren was more than willing to listen to any woes that Porco has, especially since it's been forever and a half since they saw each other. But seriously? Of all the dumb and insecure thing to say, that's what Porco decided to believe? After everything they've gone through, everything they've done for one another, Porco honestly can't tell if their feelings are real?

He grabs Porco by the front of his shirt and yanks him down. Probably because he was caught off-guard, Porco lets Eren pull him. And at the same time, Eren moves his head and...

"Fuck!"

Eren's forehead smashes into Porco's nose with a satisfying crunch. Porco reels back, covering his nose. But like hell Eren will let him run away with just that.

As he thought, all he needs is good leverage to flip their position. Porco lands on his back, glaring up at Eren as steam begins to already heal his nose. But this bastard refuses to just stay down. He braces his left foot on Eren's chest, a clear warning for what will happen if Eren dares to come any closer. So although Eren will like to punch Porco for good measures, he decides to settle for this for now.

"The hell are you on? You want me to beat you? Don't think I won't just because you don't have a leg!"

Eren points at Porco. "See that anger right there? That's Porco Galliard. That's been you since we were kids. You think I don't recognize you? You think some random shithead... Marcel's _murderer_ can just waltz in and take you from me, too?"

Porco's eyes mist over. He slowly but carefully moves his foot so that Eren can get close. Then almost as an afterthought, he puts his arm over his eyes. Stupid. The hell is he crying over this little for?

... Just how badly did this whole situation spook him?

Eren heaves a sigh and settles down next to Porco. He should comfort his friend. He really should. But he's not sure what he's supposed to say. Now that the anger has left him, he finds that he doesn't really know what else to do. Awkwardly, he rubs the back of his neck, trying to think.

"I don't know how to do this comfort shit," he grumbles. "But for what it's worth, you're too honest of a guy to be manipulated like that. I mean, look, you went after Helen because she looked like Historia, right? But you also backed off from her because she wasn't what you were looking for. You already know what feelings are yours and isn't. Don't... don't complicate it more than that."

There's an awkward pause between them as Eren does his utmost best to ignore his crying friend next to him. He wishes he had something better than that to say. He wishes he had something he knew to do to help his friend. There has to be something more than wringing his fingers nervously!

Then Porco moves his arm away from his face. Without care that Eren can see him cry, he throws his arms around Eren. It's not like the force of it was great or anything. But it catches Eren off-guard enough to knock them back down onto the ground.

"I'm... such a damned idiot, huh?" Porco manages out, clutching tightly onto Eren.

"Yeah, but that's what makes you Porco."

Eren receives a light smack for that, but he infinitely prefers this over the awkward silence.

*

The two stay out there for a while longer. Porco uses Eren's chest as his personal pillow, and Eren just barely resists the urge to touch Porco's hair. The sun is starting to set, dyeing the world in a blood red streak that seems much too melancholy. They should probably start heading back before his folks get worried. Faintly, Eren wonders what happened to his crutch. He better not have lost it somewhere...

"Know what an anchor is?" Porco asks suddenly.

"Huh? The stuff that keeps boats in the harbor?"

Porco allows a small nod. "I think that's what you are for me. Even though it should have been so damned simple and easy to figure out, I couldn't see a way out. I felt like I was drowning in my fears. But you... stabilized me. You helped calm me down and see things as they are. S-so..."

What's Porco getting so sappy for? Sure, they haven't seen each other in a while, but there's really no need for all of this, is there? They help each other like this all the time. What of it?

But this must be important to him, because Porco pulls himself up into a sitting position to look at Eren.

"Eren, t-the thing is..."

Porco hesitates, biting his lips in a manner that's uncharacteristic of him. His eyes keep drifting away from Eren's, almost as if he's trying really hard to not look away or run completely. Eren decides to hold back his disgust to let his friend say his piece.

"I..."

Slowly, Porco finally meets Eren's eyes. There's an almost defeated look on his face as he allows himself a lopsided grin.

"I love you."

A second passes. Then another. Then it finally sinks in exactly what Porco said.

Eren feels his cheeks burn. He suddenly can't meet Porco's eyes. His heart is racing in his chest, feeling a bit like it might burst out. What the hell? Who the hell says something so sappy and gross so randomly like that? There's something called time and place, and this is neither!

"You... you're such an ass! Who the hell just blurts shit like that out loud?" Eren yells as he sits up. He shudders and makes a show of rubbing his arms. "Ahhh! I have goosebumps! Gross! You're so gross!"

"W-why is that gross?! Y-you said we're important t-to each other! I-isn't that the same as l-love?"

"Yes, you dumbass! Of course, it is! But who the hell says it out loud?" Eren shakes his head.

Porco narrows his eyes. "Then it's not gross, now is it? C'mon, Eren. Say it. Or I'm going to think that you were just stringing me along. Oh no! Ymir's emotions are too much for me! The feelings I have for you must be fake since you don't return them!"

"Ass," Eren growls, feeling his blush deepen. And a bit more quietly, he adds, "I-I love you, too."

He absolutely loves the sound of Porco's laughter. He loves that grin on Porco's face. He loves how giddy Porco looks as he stands up, dusting himself, before fetching Eren's crutch. He loves the way Porco's hand fits in his own when Porco helps him back up. He loves how, after picking up the box of tomatoes again, Porco just lightly touches shoulders with him. Then Porco skips forward, laughing merrily and stops, looking back to wait for Eren with a grin.

The spots that Porco touched burns.

*

"Good evening!" Porco greets Eren's family with a bright laugh and even brighter grin.

"Porco? Oh, welcome back! I didn't realize you were in Liberio!" Eren's grandma says delightedly. "Have you had dinner? Would you like to eat with us?"

"I think my mom expects me back. Family dinner for my first night back, you know? But you can definitely expect me to be taking Eren away tomorrow... Ah, is that alright?"

Carla beams, looking quite satisfied about something. Eren has no doubts that his mom expected this when she sent him out. From the soft way Grisha smiles at them, Eren assumes Carla filled him in.

"I doubt anyone would complain, Porco," Eren's grandpa assures him.

That smile on Porco's face is way too cute. Eren feels personally offended. Where the hell does Porco get off smiling like that? He has a desperate need to kick his friend. And if his leg wasn't what it was (and his family wasn't watching), he definitely would have.

"That's a relief," Porco says. Then he glances at Eren with a huge grin. "Prepare yourself. Tomorrow's going to be awesome."

Eren feels his cheeks heat up without knowing why. Why is his heart racing for? It's just Porco. It's just their usual hang out. Sure, it's a little weird that Porco is asking for permission for once. They usually just run out, but it's probably because Eren has obviously been working at the clinic since coming back to Liberio. B-because Porco doesn't want to seem like a kidnapper.

He gets weird about the strangest things.

"O-of course, it is. When is it not when we're together?" Eren manages out.

Porco sniggers and touches shoulders with Eren. "When, indeed."

Eren feels like his blush will never leave his face.

*

"You two... seemed closer than usual," his grandma says, smiling like she knows a secret.

After they sent Porco off with the bag of apples (it was as Eren suspected. His grandma wanted to get that to the Galliards), the Jaegers sit together for their dinner.

Eren's blush hasn't calmed down at all. He thinks it's possible that his family is all grinning that widely at him because they know a lot more than they're pretending. Is it that funny to mock him like this?

"N-not really. We're always about this close," Eren protests.

His grandpa raises a brow. "That was the first time he ever asked for permission to take you out."

"It's because he hasn't been around in a while. He's trying to get back into the swing of things," Eren insists.

"Eren, you were blushing the entire time... You're still blushing," Carla points out.

Nope, nope. His mom clearly has no idea what she's talking about. Yeah, Eren's blushing, but so what? It doesn't mean anything. They can't make it mean something if Eren refuses to accept it.

His family glances at one another, the grins slowly disappearing. Good. Stop having fun at Eren's expense. Can they just drop this topic and return to their food? It's delicious, by the way. His grandma is amazing at making food as it is, but Carla always adds a small twist to things that make everything taste just a bit better. Eren's trying to learn when his grandpa and dad aren't always calling him into the clinic to help out.

"Just a question," Grisha says slowly. "If this is what happens normally, then why are you blushing so much?"

Why...? Look, if Eren could figure that out, he thinks he can surely stop blushing. Seeing that he hasn't, he must not know. Can his dad just put together something that simple for himself for once? Or would Grisha like Carla to spell that out, too?

"B-because... Porco was being really gross today!" Eren manages out.

His grandma's brows furrow in concern. "Gross? How?"

"It can't be as gross as the time you guys made mud pies and fed it to Colt," Grisha says.

Eren chooses to ignore his dad to elaborate.

"H-he just... blurted out that he loves me after saying some really sappy stuff."

"Ohhhh! He finally said it!" Eren's grandpa cheers, surprising Eren. He squeezes Eren's grandma's shoulder, the two of them sharing a sweet smile of celebration.

Carla giggles. "Galliards sure are an impatient bunch!"

Eren chooses to ignore the outbursts, even though he feels like his blush deepened.

"Who even says things like that randomly? Of course, I know he loves me."

He absolutely hates the disbelieving looks everyone shoots his way.

"We're friends," Eren explains. "Of course, we love each other! There's no need to be so sappy and gross with something so obvious."

The mood just died. He doesn't understand why. They asked, and he answered. If they didn't want to hear his answer, they shouldn't have annoyingly kept pushing for it.

Carla turns towards Grisha with clear annoyance. "This is all your fault!"

"M-mine?!" Grisha exclaims.

"Why did your lack of social cues and common sense get passed on?" She turns to Eren with a patient smile that looks like it's a second away from cracking. "Eren, Porco wasn't talking about friendship when he said he loves you. You probably understand it implicitly because you're blushing. Think over what Porco means tonight and face him tomorrow."

Eren's grandma sighs. "And with Zeke being a social recluse, we're never going to see our grandkids get married before we're dead."

"At the rate they're both going, I doubt they'll be getting married at all," Eren's grandpa says.

"Why do you even want to see more weddings anyways? Dad had two. Isn't that enough?" Eren grumbles.

He receives a rather long scolding for that one.

*

There's nothing to think about. He and Porco are friends. Full stop. There's no if's or but's. They are happy with how they are. There's no need for everyone around them to pretend like there's more. This is how they've always been. And this is how they'll always be.

So why does he feel disappointed?

He finds himself thinking back to Zeke's words to him back when Zeke was trying to help Eren figure out his own feelings about Marcel.

_"Friendship is all fine and good. And I'm sure Marcel won't deny that. But is that really all you want, Eren? For things like this, it's okay to be selfish."_

It's not that he's trying to be selfless or anything. He just... doesn't think he himself understands what he wants. More so than that, he doesn't want to assume Porco's feelings just because of his family teasing him. Ugh. Why couldn't Zeke have come home, too? That way, Eren could rely on his brother's calm sense instead of his family's... stupidity!

A soft tapping sound on the window catches Eren's attention.

For just a brief second, Eren is nine again. Marcel is trying to get his attention by throwing pebbles at his window. The two of them are going to sneak off into the night somewhere (probably the cemetery again) to talk or hang out or whatever.

But when he tries to move towards the window, he is painfully reminded of exactly who he is and when this is.

What the hell is wrong with him? Marcel has been dead for about eight years now. He seriously can't be still hanging on to him. For how long is he planning on clutching onto Marcel's memory? Isn't it time to let it go? And in return...

The tapping sound on the window stops when Eren gets close enough. When Eren opens it, Porco grins up at him from the ground. Just now, Eren's heart skipped a beat, didn't it? Just now, Eren's own lips echoed Porco's grin.

Oh.

Even without Zeke here, it seems Eren has finally matured enough to figure out his own feelings.

He supposes he owes his family an apology.

*

The first thing Eren does is throw down his crutch. Porco catches it, looking a bit confused. Then he must have realized what Eren is planning, because his head snaps up in alarm.

Porco drops the crutch and braces himself. And just as Eren knew he would, Porco catches him with just a bit of struggle.

"You're lucky I can heal," Porco grumbles.

Eren sniggers in answer. "C'mon, before my family thinks it was a burglar."

"Yeah, yeah."

But Porco makes no move to put Eren down. And instead, he just turns to leave.

"Hey, my crutch?" Eren asks.

"Don't worry about it."

No, no. Eren is going to worry about it. Does Porco think these things grow on trees? Eren had to wait nearly a month to get his last time. And yes, part of that was because his grandpa sent the wrong measurements at first, and another part was that his dad thought the one that arrived was for another client. But that's neither here nor there. Eren doesn't want more drama to get another crutch.

He smacks Porco. "Pick that up right now. At least kick it to the side so people won't take it. If I lose that because of you, I'm going to beat you with the new one that comes!"

"Ugh. You're the worst princess!" Porco grumbles.

Despite that, he nudges Eren's crutch with his foot until it's half-hidden by the bushes by the clinic.

"There, happy?"

"... Why the hell am I a princess?"

Porco's snigger tickles Eren's ear. "Take a wild guess."

Damn Porco for being able to make Eren feel this flustered. His head is too light-headed to be able to venture a guess. Later, he promises himself, he will come up with a way to get back at Porco for this. He doesn't know how yet, but he will.

*

The two stand in front of Marcel's grave, Eren leaning rather heavily on Porco. The flowers have been changed, Eren notes. He always changes it in the morning when he stops by. But someone else has switched it out since then. He wonders if Porco did it.

"You know Marcel isn't really there," Eren says as a reminder both to himself and to Porco.

"Yeah, but it won't feel right if we don't do this."

Honest as ever, this one. Eren sighs and motions for Porco to go ahead.

Porco hesitates for a second. Then he clears his throat.

"Yo Marce. My... My time will be coming soon, so we'll see each other then. A-and you can punch or kick or yell at me all you want. But until then, I plan on being happy with Eren. You've got no objections, right?"

There's no answer from the empty grave, not that Eren expected any. But Porco's right. It won't be right if they don't do this properly.

"Marcel... eight years is a long time to keep someone waiting. When my own time comes, let's properly talk about everything. But until then, I swear to treat Porco well. So don't worry about us, okay?"

The two stand in the silence of the cemetery for an answer that they know they will never receive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "By the way, what was with your letter to me? You wrote so sincerely for everyone else, but you literally wrote a single word for mine."
> 
> Like hell Eren can say that he went through at least fifty different drafts before giving up and sending just that single letter. But in his defense, Porco sent a progress report, and how else was he supposed to react?
> 
> "Next time, I'll send nothing," Eren decides.
> 
> "That's not it! A-at least... n-next time, say something cute."
> 
> "Like don't steal my strawberries?"
> 
> Porco groans. "You're the most unromantic idiot!"
> 
> *
> 
> The man named Izan is careful to a fault. It's a type of caution that comes with being burned before. And while that must work great for Izan and his side in this war, it's a rather huge pain in the neck to deal with.
> 
> "Not interested. Go find someone else to sell your ideals to."
> 
> No plans on even listening all the way, huh? It'll be frustrating if it wasn't expected that this is the outcome. Perhaps the saying "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" is no longer relevant in this world anymore?
> 
> "Hey! Izan isn't going to listen to you if you just barge in without any bargaining chip. Any footsoldier could have told you that."
> 
> Without much fanfare, the soldier holds up an envelope. In it is a picture of a young man with the brightest green eyes and information regarding the man. A Warrior Candidate who was recently retired to Liberio due to an... incident. The picture is a bit outdated, and as if to make up for that, there are few more blurry pictures of said young man with a crutch.
> 
> "Eren Jaeger," the soldier explains. "If you can get this guy on your side, Izan will listen to you. Or at least, Izan will listen to him."
> 
> That sounds much too convenient. Why would Izan listen to an Eldian who is a Warrior Candidate? Aren't they on the opposite side of the war?
> 
> The soldier grins. "Because this guy saved our Alvaro. He's the only Eldian anyone will ever listen to around here."
> 
> Eren Jaeger... huh?
> 
> Erwin Smith thanks the soldier for the information.


	20. our kisses for each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter for this story for the year 2019. ^^ In case I don't see you, Happy New Year! See you in 2020!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright.
> 
> He can do this. 
> 
> It's going to be great. Awesome, even. All he has to do is hold Eren's hand. He's done it a thousand and one times before. Just hold it and...
> 
> "Hey, you left my crutch behind, remember? Are you going to carry me back or what?"
> 
> ... Okay, so Porco definitely didn't think this through. Damn it. So much for walking around with the one he likes while holding hands. They... probably won't be able to do that as easily anymore. What else did they lose? In that explosion that engulfed Base Rupes, what else has become nothing but a memory for them?
> 
> "I'll carry you, of course. Like that's a question!"
> 
> But he really wanted to hold Eren's hand. Why can't this unromantic asshole get a hint?
> 
> "If you want, I can walk," Eren offers when he notes Porco's hesitation.
> 
> "Shut up!"
> 
> Then again, this isn't too bad either. Holding Eren in his arms is charming in its own way. But he's going to have to get creative for their date if he wants to hold Eren's hand. 
> 
> And he has the perfect thing lined up.
> 
> *
> 
> "Those dumb boys," Carla sighs, shaking her head. "Is this their best effort of sneaking into the house?"
> 
> In their defense, Grisha would just like to point out that Porco and Eren are whispering to each other this time. It's just that they're also running into various items around the house and hissing curses at one another. Then the two of them must have finally made it to Eren's room, because there's blissful silence.
> 
> And it's only then that it occurs to Grisha something rather important.
> 
> "Is... Porco staying the night...? I-in Eren's... r-room?"
> 
> Carla cheerfully pats his shoulder. "Maybe we'll have grandkids to look forward to soon!"
> 
> "Y-you know that's not how it works!"
> 
> She lets out a small hum like she knows something that Grisha doesn't. And... no, no. He's a doctor. He knows how babies are made, and this... 
> 
> "R-right? That's not how it works?"
> 
> Carla's composure finally breaks into the cutest little giggles. She pats Grisha's shoulder consolingly. "Just teasing you, hon. Sorry."

Someone's running their hand through his hair. It feels quite soothing. Eren sighs contently and leans into the touch, not quite ready to wake up just yet.

He's rewarded with a soft laugh and a "Good morning."

"I'm not awake," Eren protests.

"Uh-huh. Sure you aren't."

That should have been a hint.

But maybe Eren spent just a tad bit too long away from Porco. Because when this asshole immediately goes to tickle him, he isn't ready for it. It takes him much too long to finally grab Porco's arms to stop him, and by then, he's completely out of breath from laughing so much.

"Morning," Porco says, grinning widely.

"You're an ass."

Porco laughs as if that's the funniest thing he's heard. For just a second, he comes close and... he pulls back, cheeks dusting faintly red.

"W-well, anyways. Let's uh... g-get ready for today."

Huh? What's with that reaction? What? Does Eren's breath smell bad or something? Well, Porco's breath does, too! They've dealt with that over a thousand times in the morning, haven't they? The hell is Porco being weird for?

"Hey, you left my crutch outside last night," Eren points out. "Don't tell me you've already given up on carrying me?"

"Don't be silly."

Porco lifts Eren off the bed with such ease that it makes him feel just a tad annoyed. It's not like he wanted to see Porco struggle or anything. It's just... he has been keeping up with doing whatever he can to keep his muscles after being abandoned in Liberio, and muscles weigh more than fat. So can't Porco even for two seconds pretend like Eren is heavy?

"Like hell I can leave my precious princess behind."

"The hell am I a princess?"

Porco just laughs in answer. And for just a second, it happens again. Porco leaning in just a tad bit more before he jerks back to put a little bit of distance between the two of them. The blush on his face is so glaringly obvious.

It bothers Eren.

*

His family doesn't even seem all that surprised by the fact that Porco joins them for breakfast. It's not like Eren was planning on hiding the fact that Porco stayed over. But he thought they would at least be a little surprised. How did they even realize that Porco stayed the night?

"If the two of you learned the meaning of being discreet maybe," Carla tells him with a light laugh.

"We were really discreet. We didn't fight or anything," Eren protests.

Huh? Why are his family members all giving him that look for? They were really quiet last night! They whispered and used their inside voices. Yeah sure, they accidentally ran into things here and there. But that's no different from when Zeke is home and he gets hungry in the middle of the night.

"Hey, hurry up and eat," Porco reminds him as he shoves the last of his toast into his mouth. "I want to stop by home before we go."

"Then you go ahead. I'll catch up with you after I'm done."

Porco kicks his chair. "Shut up and eat."

"Jeesh, what a great way to treat your princess," Eren grumbles.

His family glances at each other, mouthing, "Princess?" Eren is just a second away from publicly shaming Porco in front of his family, when Porco grabs Eren's plate and puts it on top of his empty one.

"Since my princess is such a spoiled brat," he says with a grin that looks more like a sneer, "I have no choice but to feed you, now don't I?"

"Whua-"

Porco tears a piece of toast off and shoves it into Eren's mouth to prevent him from saying anything in protest. The only way to be allowed to talk seems to be to finish eating. Such an annoying guy. Despite thinking such a thought, Eren eagerly opens his mouth for another piece of toast. Porco rolls his eyes but complies.

"Somehow, it feels like absolutely nothing changed between you two," Grisha remarks lightly.

Eren opens his mouth to remark, but Porco just takes that chance to feed Eren. This guy really wants him to hurry up, huh? But no one said anything about Eren having to obediently listen. He darts his tongue out, licking the crumbs off of Porco's fingers for him. When their eyes meet, Eren grins.

It's almost like someone turned on the lights in a dark room. Porco's face turns beet red within seconds. And instead of owning up to the fact that he's blushing, he throws the remaining toast at Eren's face and stands up abruptly.

"I-I'm going to get your crutch from outside!"

By the time Eren shouts out "Don't throw food," Porco has already left. Eren grumbles under his breath and dusts the crumbs off of himself.

"Yeah," Eren's grandpa laughs, "they haven't changed at all!"

*

"Are we supposed to be different?" Eren can't help but to ask his family. "Isn't it fine to just be as we are?"

Carla raises an amused brow, a clear warning sign that she's going to tease him before she gets serious about answering. "What do you mean, Eren? Aren't you two just friends?"

Eren wonders if his own face is as red as Porco's was before he ran out. Seeing that, his mom grins widely. Ah, it's not just his mom. Damn his family for being so damned involved in this. Why does it matter to them anyways? Well, it makes sense that they'll care. That's not what Eren means. It's just... Ah, he's going around in circles.

"Y-you were right. I'm sorry for being stupidly stubborn. I-I... l-like Porco... a lot."

"As friends, right?" his grandma pushes, smiling widely.

Eren drops his head in his hands. "M-more than friends. I just... really like him."

"Who do you like?" his grandpa teases.

"I like Porco, alright? I like him more than as friends. I... I really love him!"

He expected his family to laugh at him, so he's not too bothered by that. What he is, though, is by the feeling of someone leaning against his shoulder. When he slowly dares to look up from his hands, Porco grins widely at him, almost like he doesn't remember how to stop grinning.

"You love me that much?" he asks, coming a tad bit closer than strictly necessary.

They did that on purpose, didn't they? And Eren walked right into their trap. Damn them all.

"S-shut up, ass. You love me just as much."

Porco touches their foreheads together. "Yeah, I really love you, too."

For just a second, it feels like there will be more. Like there's something more that Porco wants to say or do aside from this. Then the moment passes and Porco pulls back. Eren can't tell if the blush he has is leftover from the confession or from something else.

Porco has pulled away quite a lot today. Eren's starting to think the first time wasn't due to morning breath.

Then why does Porco keep pulling away?

"A-anyways, here's your crutch. Huh? You still haven't finished? Want me to feed you more?"

"I'm fine!" Eren tells him. To prove himself, he bites into his toast with all intention to finish it fast.

*

"Eren," Carla says, pulling him to the side with a more serious expression on her face. "Your question before... about a change in your relationship? You don't have to hurry that kind of things. Those things will come naturally even if you don't push it. Just go at the pace that you're used to."

He's not too sure what he expected to hear. But those words are more encouraging than he thought they would be.

"Is... that really okay, though? Porco has a time limit. There's... just ten years left for him."

Carla gently touches Eren's cheek. "Yes, that's more than okay. Just be happy. Treasure the moments that you do have left. You and Porco both, can you do that for me?"

Eren nods. Because isn't that the easy part? As long as they're together, they'll be able to find a way to grin again.

Perhaps this being together thing won't be so bad.

*

Lelia welcomes them warmly without any teasing. She does firmly lecture Porco on proper etiquette of treating his partner right while handing him something that he hides from Eren. Porco's dad jokes a little with them to let them know that he's fine with the two of them. But there's still a bit of wary tiredness to him that's similar to Lelia like he's seen too many tragedies to be completely happy for them. Like he knows how these types of stories always end.

It makes Eren wonder if maybe his own family share the same kind of fear. Is that why Carla went out of her way to tell him it's okay to take his time?

"What did you get from your mom?"

Porco grins. "You'll see soon enough."

"You don't need to report into the headquarter today?" Eren recalls Zeke complaining about that when he got to come home for a short while. Every day until he left, he had to report in as a sign of proof that he hadn't ran away or other some nonsense.

"I need to do what?"

Okay, let's take care of that first before something horrible happens to Porco's family.

*

Although all they're doing is checking in to let the Marleyans know that their precious Warrior didn't run off, they're forced to wait an ungodly amount of hours. In the end, they settle on a bench in the hallway of the headquarter, staring out the window to watch the Marleyans walk past.

"Sorry for making you come with me for this," Porco says, wincing.

"It's fine. What else would I have done? Wait for you at home?" Eren reminds him. He nudges Porco and motions to a Marleyan walking by. "Green hat. That's another point for me."

"What? That's totally not green. Get your eyes checked... And just saying, thanks for being here. I er... r-really missed you."

Porco dares to peek a glance at Eren, blushing lightly. It makes Eren's own cheeks heat up. Why the hell does Porco keep dropping these bombs on Eren's lap like they're not embarrassing? And why the hell does he look so cute doing that? Ugh. Eren's going to get back at him for this. He hasn't decided on what yet. But he will.

"T-then why'd you take six months to come see me?"

Okay, he knows that's not really a fair thing to ask. None of the Warriors were allowed to leave after the initial explosion for about two months. And after that, there were battles after battles that cropped up that made letting any of the Warriors go home for a while nearly impossible. The only reason Zeke was allowed was because of dumb luck and things just happened to line up. Then it took Porco nearly two more months afterwards to be approved to come to Liberio.

So he knows it's not because Porco didn't want to see him. But in the same breath, waking up alone in his room after the explosion wasn't exactly the most encouraging thing, alright? Especially after years and years of being together. He's not being petty for no reason.

"Ah yes, I'm going to put my family in danger to run to your side. Don't tell me to do something you wouldn't do... Hey! That's a red hat! That's my point! Hah! Looks like I'm winning again."

Eren curses when he realizes that Porco's right. "Green hats are more fashionable. Why would they choose to wear a red one?"

"Easy for you to say. You look good in green because of your eyes."

As if to prove his point, Porco lifts Eren's chin up to examined Eren's eyes. Eren can follow Porco's thought process just by the shifting expressions. The initial expression is that of a gloating grin. Porco's strangely proud of how good looking Eren is, isn't he? Then the expression falls slightly, most definitely because Porco remembered Eren's blind eye a beat too late. That's guilt there now.

Eren pulls himself free from Porco's grasp.

"Don't. It wasn't your fault. The last thing I want is your pity."

"But if I hadn't pissed off Helen or even taken Reiner's place, none of this would have happened. At the very least, I would have been by your side to protect you."

... Since when did Porco start looking at him as someone who needs to be protected?

It burns him more than he'd like to admit. He's always thought of the two of them as equals. As standing on the same solid ground to be able to see eye-to-eye. But perhaps Porco never felt that way? When did that start? Was it when Eren started drifting away for the sake of the double-agent mission? Was it when Porco started to date someone, even if that was in retaliation to Eren's poorly chosen words? Was it when Porco received the Jaw Titan? Was it when they first heard of Marcel's death and Eren lost his temper at Reiner?

"Is that why I'm a 'princess,' Porco? Because you think I need to be saved?"

Porco knows him too well. He immediately grabs Eren by the shoulders, preventing him from escaping.

"No, you stupid idiot. You're a princess because that's how much I want to spoil you. Don't just say your piece and run off. You're always like this."

Eren tries to shrug it off, but it seems that Porco isn't going to have it this time. He pushes Eren down to minimize the struggle, pinning him much too easily to the bench. Damn him for knowing exactly how to stop Eren. And damn himself for wanting to be caught. Because he wants to be comforted. He wants to hear what Porco has to say. Because don't you know? He hasn't heard Porco's voice in so long. He hasn't felt Porco's presence next to him for so long. He doesn't want to run away. He doesn't want to leave any more space between them. He just wants to give up and curl up next to Porco, even if he knows that won't solve anything.

"I know you don't need to be saved. I know you don't need protection. But who the hell doesn't want to protect the one they love? This isn't just about your leg or your eye. I would still want to save you, even if you were fully healed. That's just because I don't want to see you hurt. And... Hell, you're the same, you ass! Isn't that why you tried to chase me away from the rubble? Because you knew I would be devastated to see you were hurt? It's the same damned thing! It's because we love each other!"

But is it really? Can Eren really believe those words? Porco is an honest idiot, but he's also really dense about how he feels. It's possible that what he's saying doesn't actually match up because he hasn't realized it yet. And if that's the case-

"Can you two please take your flirting elsewhere?" one of the Marleyan soldiers asks. "We got it. You're here, Galliard. We really don't need to see you two go at it in public."

"N-no, t-this isn't-"

The soldier puts their hand up. "Shut up and get out."

*

It's not until they're back in the interment zone that Eren shoves Porco lightly. Porco rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at him. Probably learned his lesson of not knocking Eren off of his crutch in front of witnesses. That'll probably come after they've arrived in a more secluded area for a spar.

Once Eren thinks of it that way, he finds that his behavior from before was rather childish. Of course, Porco doesn't think less of him. Since when has Porco ever given any indication that he thinks like that? No. Porco's too busy trying to come up with a way to kick Eren down when no one is watching so he doesn't get scolded. 

Despite having confessed to each other, they really haven't changed.

"Hey, sorry," he manages out as they walk.

It's a little mortifying to meet eyes with Porco, so he keeps his gaze lowered.

"I... guess it bothered me more than I thought. But... I don't want to be pitied by you."

"Because you want us to be equals, right?"

Eren nods. And just because he's a bit curious, he peers over at Porco to watch him. Porco, that ass, must have realized what Eren's doing, because he meets Eren's eyes and smirks.

"Hey, I've never pitied you in my life. I wanted to beat you down. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to make it so that you'll never be hurt. I've been upset that you got hurt. And I've been confused as to what to do because I had no idea how to comfort you. But I never pitied you."

It's amazing how at ease Eren feels at those words. Logically, he knew this. He knows what kind of a person Porco is. But when he actually hears it, he feels more confident in his logic. Maybe that's why Porco became so lost and confused in those six months they didn't see each other. Because he didn't have any kind of confirmation from Eren to stop himself from spiraling out of control. And maybe, that's just the problem of spending time apart after being together nearly all their lives. You start doubting every little thing that you logically know is true.

"I mean, look. Even without a leg and an eye, you still beat me to the ground. And even though Magath doesn't like to admit it, he relies on you a lot. You have no idea how often he stops in the middle of giving commands to look for you. Face it, he regrets sending you home."

"Magath does...?"

Then again, Eren supposes that that makes sense. He has been supplying Magath with inside information. It must be blinding to suddenly realize that that support is gone. Hey wait. While they're on this topic...

"Oh, that's right," Eren says. "Porco, let's go somewhere private. I have something I need to tell you."

Huh? Why did Porco just suddenly turn pink? They're just talking... This idiot, he just thought of something dirty, didn't he? Eren feels his own cheeks heat up.

"Whatever you're thinking, it's wrong!"

*

"... Huh? A... double agent?"

Eren nods. "Yup. That's why I needed you to back off. I... wasn't dating anyone, let alone Reiner."

Porco opens his mouth and then wordlessly closes it. The he covers his face, trying to smoother the blush on his cheeks.

"I thought you were going to say something about how much you love me," he bemoans.

Eren rolls his eyes. "I told you, you're wrong."

Then a little more seriously, Porco lowers his hands to meet Eren's eyes.

"Reiner mentioned that you two weren't dating. And that we should talk. I thought he meant that more as in he was fine if the two of us were to get together. So there was another layer..." At the sight of Eren's hesitation, Porco narrows his eyes. "There's more?"

"He er... thought that I was trying to betray Marley. I don't remember if I ever corrected him. But it er... should be fine if I tell everyone that I was a double-agent, right? I mean, it's not like I'll be returning to the battlefield any time soon."

Porco frowns as he thinks about that for a bit. Then he sighs. "I don't know. Every time it feels like we're about to win this war, something dumb happens and it drags on even longer. We've managed to push the fight to the navy, but apparently, they're struggling out there."

"Well, yeah. They've been sending out their best ships to Paradis every year," Eren says.

From the way Porco stills, Eren realizes that he didn't know about this. Then does Magath know about this? How much information has Eren been able to gleam from being in Liberio that the Warrior Division is not privy to? How much of this should Eren have reported? Except would Magath have even accepted such report?

"You didn't hear about it? The higher ups haven't given up on Paradis. Most of our Navy's forces have been focused over there. It's no wonder they're struggling so much. The best thing to do would be to give them support with the Warriors, even if you guys aren't used to fighting on water. They won't be able to handle enemy forces by themselves."

"What... the hell? What do you mean to Paradis? We're in the middle of a war!" Porco exclaims.

Yeah, that was pretty much Eren's own reaction when he first heard the news.

"Are they trying to lose the war? Why the hell wouldn't they focus on this instead of splitting the forces? It makes no sense!"

Eren nods. "But good luck convincing the higher ups of that. Even if defeat is right in front of their eyes, they'll march straight into it with full confidence of their victory."

"It's stupid, that's what it is," Porco grumbles. He sighs and leans against Eren so that their shoulders brush. "And we are the dumbasses that pay the price."

It's not funny at all. Their families' lives (and their own) are at stake because of the stupidity of something called pride of the past. But the two of them burst out laughing anyways.

*

Eren finds himself raising a brow when Porco reaches into his pocket for his wallet.

"You're paying? For ice cream? Wow, am I dreaming?"

Porco rolls his eyes. "Shut it. I told you I'll buy you ice cream, didn't I?"

Did Porco really say that? Eren can't remember. Just how far back is Porco referencing? He knows he should just accept it as Porco's good will, but does that count if Eren has no idea what Porco is talking about?

"Seriously? You don't remember?"

"Then remind me. How did it come up?"

There's a small pause as Porco scrunches up his face, thinking hard. When few seconds passes with clear sign that Porco also doesn't remember, Eren struggles to keep a straight face.

"What the hell? Hahaha! Just say you wanted to spoil me. You don't have to make up something."

"Stop laughing! I swear there was something that made me promise you ice cream... Augh! Whatever! Pay for your own!" Porco snaps.

"Wait, wait! Don't be like that! Haha! C'mon, Porco. I thought I was your princess," Eren teases.

The ice cream shop owner gives the two of them a dirty look. "Can you two please stop flirting and just pay?"

*

Porco keeps glancing at his watch as they eat. Is there some place he has to go? Eren doubts that it has something to do with his family, since it's doubtful that either of their families would expect them back any time soon. Then...?

"If you need to shit, I'll hold your ice cream for you. Can't say if it'll still be here when you get back, but I'll hold it."

"You are the most unromantic asshole in the world," Porco tells him.

"Hey, you chose me," Eren reminds him.

Porco scowls. "I w-wanted to... do something special."

Special? Like... romantic-special? H-huh? L-like holding h-hands and kissing a-and... s-s-stuff? Eren feels his cheeks heat up at the thought. No way, no way. Porco probably means something stupid. Something that's not romantic. Eren has no idea what that can be, but it has to be something stupid. It has to be. I-it can't be...?

"Like sparring?" Eren blurts out.

He receives a light kick to his calf.

"No, you dumbass. Something r-romantic. Since we're dating, it's only right, r-right?"

Is it right? Eren suddenly feels a little light-headed. He has no idea if that's because his face has heated up too much and now his brain is frying. But he's blaming it all on Porco. Because up until this moment, they were fine. And now Porco's bringing... something romantic special into this? What the hell does that even mean?

"J-just shut up and follow me!"

Is it too late to refuse? It is, right?

With a soft sigh, Eren decides that it's much too late to refund Porco. He made this decision (rather unwittingly) when he realized that he likes Porco, and he's going to stick to his guns. Besides, he doubts he'll know what to do if Porco leaves his side again.

... That's right. This peaceful and silly moments cannot last.

"If it turns out to be stupid, I'm going to mock you for three days," Eren decides.

Porco rolls his eyes in answer.

*

Just before Porco says anything, this is stupid beyond reason. The only reason why Eren is refraining from mocking him is because it's also hella cute. And Eren may or may not be way too flushed to coherently mock him properly.

"I-it doesn't have to be anything fancy," Porco mumbles, face beet red. "I just... want it to be matching."

Eren thought for sure that Porco would be too embarrassed to meet eyes with him. But Porco must be really serious about this, because he maintains eye contact despite looking so damned flushed. Eren is certain his own face reflects Porco's nervousness, though.

No matter how he turns it in his head, it's weird.

Two guys, trying to get matching rings? Are they getting married or something? Well, yeah, they like each other but... isn't marriage like... the ultimate step?

... Damn it. He just imagined it.

A married life with Porco, where the two of them live together... Wouldn't it just be the same as they've always been when they're out on missions? Huh? Could it be that they've been married all this time without realizing it? C-could it be that that's why their families have been so supportive? Because they thought Porco and Eren were together since... since when exactly...????

"Are you going to help me choose or what?" Porco asks.

"Hey Porco, have we been married this entire time?" Eren finds himself blurting out instead of helping with the rings.

"Huh? The hell are you talking about?"

Eren makes an uncomfortable motion between the two of them. "The things that we do. It's pretty much like we're married, isn't it? M-married without the ceremony or the official documents and whatnot."

"And the ring," Porco points out. "We don't have... What? You don't like it? Tch. Fine! If you're that uncomfortable, we don't have to get anything."

The shop owner seems to have realized that his potential buyers are about to walk out, because he quickly rushes over with various recommendations. Porco's shimmering anger eventually disappears with much prompting, but Eren knows that they'll talk about this later. And look, it's not that Eren doesn't want matching rings.

He's just trying to wrap his brain around their new relationship that feels almost the same as it's always been but not.

*

"If I'm not back in time to pick up the rings, hold it for me," Porco says as the two of them head back from the ring shop.

Eren can't help but to feel surprised by that. "You don't want me to get it to you as fast as possible?"

There's an embarrassed pause as Porco struggles to keep his blush off of his face. He seems to struggle with something before he finally turns to face Eren. He opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. Hesitates and closes it.

"Just say it," Eren snaps.

"I want to put it on your finger. Our rings? I want us to put it on for each other. That's why it's fine if I don't get the ring right away."

"L-like exchanging wedding vows and stuff?"

Porco's blush deepens as he nods. "A-again, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. Hell, I'm fine with just the two of us doing it somewhere private. I-I don't need you to promise me anything dumb or whatever. I just want a ring-exchange."

The two of them both look away from one another, faces red. A rather awkward silence settles between the two of them. Eren doesn't like it at all. It feels a little prickly. Like this silence between the two of them will end up tearing them apart if left for too long.

"Hey," Porco begins at the same time Eren does.

They look at each other for a second and burst out giggling. Looks like they were both on the same wavelength, huh?

"Go ahead," Eren tells Porco.

"It's... okay, you know? If you don't want to do this? If you think I'm moving things too fast or you realize this isn't what you want with me, you can tell me. Mom... also said that I might be moving things way too fast when I said I wanted to get us matching rings. But I'm just... so damned scared. There's this war looming over us, and there's still Paradis to take care of. The time we can have together is limited to what Marley wants to give us. And I... Ten years is supposed to be a lot, but the more I think about it, the more I become certain that those ten years will be robbed from us."

Eren can't even fault his reasoning. Because yeah, he knows exactly what Porco is talking about. He felt it even more acutely as someone who has been left behind in Liberio.

They won't have all ten years.

At least, Marley won't allow them to.

It's bitter. He hates it more than he would like to admit. But there's not much that they can do to change the current system in place. At least if he was still deployed, the two of them could spend time together even if they're out on missions. But with how broken his body is...

Eren reaches over and grabs Porco's hand. He feels his cheeks heat up when Porco shoots him a surprised look, but he refuses to let go. This is probably when he's supposed to say something reassuring. This is probably when he should do something more than just hold hands to remind Porco that he isn't alone. But he honestly doesn't know what else to do but this.

"Hey, isn't it uncomfortable to walk like this?" Porco asks, worry clear on his voice.

"Shut up. It's for you. How can it ever be uncomfortable?"

There's the smallest pause as Porco allows that to sink in. Then with a light laugh, he squeezes Eren's hand. "What do you know? Perhaps there's some hope for my unromantic idiot, after all."

"Who are you calling an idiot?" Eren grumbles.

Porco sniggers, leaning in just enough to make it even more uncomfortable to walk on crutches. "You rather be called an ass? I mean, that is all you wrote in your letter. Maybe that's just what you prefer."

Eren can't quite shove him away, not with both hands occupied and his one leg supporting his body weight. Damn Porco. From the smug smirk on his face, he knew this would happen, huh? Eren is going to get back at him for this. He's not sure what he'll do yet, but he can...

Oh, that's right.

He leans in suddenly, making the smirk disappear from Porco's face. There's just a bit of alarm in Porco's eyes. And Porco can try all he wants, but Eren doesn't miss Porco's attention shift from Eren's eyes to his lips and back to his eyes. Would you look at that? Porco's cheeks are heating up.

Heh.

Eren blows in Porco's face and uprights himself, laughing delightedly at the look of confusion that turns into utter disbelief on Porco's face.

"What's wrong?" Eren teases. "Were you expecting something else from this 'ass?'"

He thought that Porco would turn red. He thought Porco might release their joined hands to throw a fit. He thought Porco might even throw all caution to the wind and knock him down to the ground regardless of witnesses.

He doesn't expect for Porco to grab him by the front of his shirt with his free hand and yank him forward. Their lips collide with such force that Eren's teeth hurt. He won't be shocked to taste blood in his mouth later. It's not even that Eren imagined that their kiss would be romantic and soft and whatever, but he thought for sure it'll at least be nicer than the one he and Reiner shared.

Just as suddenly as Porco grabbed him, he lets go. At first, there's a self-satisfied smirk on his face and a flash of superiority in his eyes. Then it must have sunk in exactly what he did, because his expression falls. He buries his face in his free hand and groans.

"Damn it, Eren! Why the hell did you have to do that for?"

"M-me?! You kissed me! Hell, that was more like a headbutt than a kiss! My teeth hurt!" Eren protests.

Porco dares to shoot Eren an annoyed glare as if this is all his fault. "You goaded me! I was saving our first kiss to be super sweet and romantic but you... You made it into a fight!"

"I didn't do that! You did!"

But he's now starting to feel a bit guilty. It was supposed to be something silly. They were supposed to laugh about it. But now Porco is pouting at him, and... Ugh. Eren can't believe he's doing this.

"Hey," he says.

He leans in again so that their noses brush. Porco gives him a defiant glare, clearly expecting another prank. But Eren isn't just an unromantic asshole, alright? He can be sweet, too. It's just that all these romantic business makes him nervous and embarrassed as hell. He just... needs some time to get used to all of this.

"Is that why you've been leaning in and pulling back? Because you thought it wasn't romantic enough of a moment for a kiss?"

Porco's answer is a sullen glare.

Damn it. The guilt settles heavily in Eren's stomach. Fine. Fine. He gets it. He messed up.

"Sorry. That wasn't fair of me."

There's the slightest of pause before Porco forces himself to take a deep breath. "No, I should've realized that my unromantic lover won't even think about our first kiss. It's frustrating, but since it's you, I guess I'll have to just accept it."

"Or," Eren draws out. "We can make up for that first kiss with more."

He doesn't give Porco a chance to figure out what that means. He just leans in and shows Porco the proper way to kiss someone. Softly and gently, pouring all of his love in that simple point of contact. Even if Eren is unromantic down to his bones, he will make an effort for Porco. Does Porco understand that now?

When he pulls back, Porco grabs the back of Eren's neck with his free hand to stop him. There's the softest of smiles before Porco kisses Eren. This is much better than their first headbutt-like kiss, isn't it?

"I think we need a few more to make up for that first one, don't you think?" Porco asks when they pull back just enough to catch their breaths.

Eren laughs and happily obliges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carla glances at her son, who has been dazedly staring off into space ever since he returned home from his date. There's a light blush on his cheeks that darkens just a tad when he must have remembered something. It's quite adorable just how much her son takes after Grisha, even if both of their denseness gets frustrating at times. 
> 
> "Eren, something good happen during your date?" Grisha's mom asks with a soft smile on her face.
> 
> There's a pause of silence as Eren stutters and struggles to put his thoughts in order. Then quietly, he admits, "W-we kissed."
> 
> "What of it? You guys kissed all the time when you were little," Grisha says tactlessly. 
> 
> And yes, they did. But you can't just... Grisha! Carla is going to have to have a long talk with him tonight about this, isn't she?
> 
> "W-what are you talking about?" Eren asks, brows furrowing. "We never kissed before this."
> 
> "You don't remember? When you were younger, you believed that you had to kiss all injuries for it to heal. And every time Porco got a split lip-"
> 
> Eren lets out a loud yell that makes all of them jump. His face is now beet red as he quickly covers his ears, refusing to hear anymore. Then he's gone, screaming at the top of his lungs to block out anything else Grisha might say.
> 
> Grisha looks confusedly at Carla, but she's too busy laughing to explain what just happened. Sometimes, that denseness of his is the most charming thing about this man.
> 
> "I love you," she tells him honestly.
> 
> She giggles at how flushed he still gets at those words. But as always, he tries hard to compose himself so he can say those words back. 
> 
> She hopes both Porco and Eren find this kind of happiness for their time left together.
> 
> *
> 
> "Ah, so that's what we're doing in the end."
> 
> He can't say that he's too shocked. Commander Erwin has always been a gambler when it comes to strategies. And even if he personally disagrees with their newest orders, what is he going to do about it? It's not like they have much choice in terms of options that they can take.
> 
> The world outside of the walls turned out to be much crueler than the devastation of the titans. Sometimes he regrets from the bottom of his heart for choosing to follow Commander Erwin instead of living a comfortable life within the walls as a Military Police member.
> 
> Marco Bott isn't looking forward to this bloodshed.


	21. our promise to each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol. First chapter of the new year and it's smut. >_>
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains smut of bottom!Eren nature. If that isn't your cup of tea, please skip it. To my knowledge, this should be the only smut scene in this story. But seeing that it wasn't supposed to happen at all but did, it's highly possible that Porco and Eren will make it happen again. Just... warning you now because I suck at writing smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porco dreads being apart.
> 
> Logically speaking, he knows better than to selfish demand that Eren come to the frontlines with him. Especially not when Magath will take that as a sign to send Eren out into the field again. Don't get Porco wrong. He's certain that Eren will be able to resume his spying mission without any hitch, because he's just that good when it comes to dealing with people (Porco assumes it's because of working at the family clinic for so long). But Porco worries, alright?
> 
> Eren is the type of person who will mind his own business and somehow manage to have trouble fall into his lap. 
> 
> Don't get Porco wrong. Eren does plenty to go out and find trouble, too. But the sheer amount of trouble that they always got into had more to do with trouble finding them. 
> 
> When his mom hears his worries, she lets out a sound that seems like she might be chuckling. Recently, she feels more and more like she's ready to laugh, like she's finally taking a step towards healing from losing Marcel. Porco is looking forward to the day that she can finally laugh as she used to before.
> 
> "I don't think Eren is the only one who gets himself in trouble often," Porco's dad remarks lightly. His eyes are locked on his wife's face, the softest smile on his face as he treasures this moment. 
> 
> It feels almost like the first real sign of the Galliards finally taking the steps needed to get better. Porco wishes he can stay here longer instead of returning to war. He'll have to remember to ask Eren to watch over his family in his stead... Well, with how things are, maybe he should somehow convince his folks to move in with Eren? The two families might as well just get used to being in-laws, right?
> 
> "But I can heal myself, no matter what kind of trouble I face. But Eren..."
> 
> It's probably rude of him to want for Eren to inherit a titan as soon as possible, right? But the longer Eren waits, the longer Porco would have to wait for Eren to join him in death... He should probably never voice that thought out loud, especially not in front of his parents.
> 
> "Augh! Whatever! I'm going to go see him."
> 
> His parents wave him off cheerfully.

Damn it. Damn it.

This isn't fair. This isn't right. This has to be some kind of a sick joke, right?

He can't breath.

The smoke and fire all around him make it impossible to register anything but his grief. There's a lump in his throat that won't go away. His eyes water, whether due to the smoke or his own overwhelming emotions, he doesn't know. The only thing he registers is that it's much too hot.

Please, please. Let this just be a dream. Please, please. Let this just be a joke.

Please...

*

The first thing Eren registers in his groggy state of mind is the feeling of something warm and soft against his cheek before it disappears. Then the feeling returns in short bursts all over his face. It takes him just a second to realize exactly what's happening.

He opens one eye and is rewarded with Porco's grin.

"Morning," Porco tells him before he kisses Eren's mouth.

"Who let you in my room?" Eren mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

"Your grandma. She was worried that you were sleeping too much." Then with a soft smile, Porco brushes Eren's hair out of his face. "You feeling alright? It looked like another nightmare."

"It's not like I remember it..."

Then it sinks in exactly what Porco has done. Eren is wide awake now as he stares at Porco.

"What?" Porco asks him.

"You woke me up."

There's just the smallest bit of blush on Porco's cheeks as he glares at Eren defiantly. "S-so what? I thought you wanted me to wake you when you have nightmares."

"I just... never thought you would," Eren admits. A little softly, he adds, "Thanks."

Porco beams before going straight for another kiss. And it's not like there's anything wrong with encouraging good behavior. Eren laughs into their kisses.

*

Zeke was given an entire week to stay at home, probably because that's just the power that comes with being the War Chief. But Porco was given three days, including the day he arrived. That means today is the last full day they will have before Porco has to leave tomorrow.

"So given that, is there anything you want to do?" Eren asks.

Porco frowns, thinking hard. "I don't know... I'm feeling pretty satisfied with what we did yesterday... Maybe just... hang out together?"

Such a boring answer.

Then again, it's not like Eren has anything in mind either.

"Is there anything the others want from home? Maybe we can pick something up for them. Especially the kids," Eren suggests.

There's a soft puff of laughter that Porco quickly smothers. He gives Eren a toothy grin like he didn't just laugh.

"That's just like you to think of others."

"I-I don't always think of them!" Eren protests.

Porco sniggers and pats Eren's shoulder. "Hey, it's cute. Charming even. In fact, I'd say it's one of my favorite things about you."

"Why does that sound like an insult when it comes from you?"

"That's because it partly is!"

Eren makes a face. "Ass."

Instead of knocking Eren off his one foot as he normally does, Porco turns to Eren and pulls him for a kiss. There's a huge grin on his face like he just won this fight. And Eren hates the fact that Porco is probably right.

"Love you, too," Porco sniggers.

*

Let it go down in records that Porco and Eren were most definitely not flirting. That Marleyan has no idea what he's talking about. The two of them were talking like usual, gearing up for a fight. So Eren has no idea where the guy got the idea that they were flirting.

But the daily check-in at the headquarter is over and done with in a flash thanks to it. So Eren supposes they should appreciate it even if it's a little annoying.

After all, this means more time for him to spend with Porco.

*

If memory serves (and he has to rely on his memory and not Porco, because the dumbass just stared blankly at Eren when asked), Zeke was finished with the last three books that Eren got him. At least, that's how it looked from how worn and well-read those books looked. So Eren would like to pick something new out for his brother to read.

The problem, of course, is this stupid brat of his lover who is staring at him instead of even pretending to help.

"Can I help you?" Eren asks, shooting Porco an annoyed glare.

"I'm just... trying to memorize every detail about you before I leave."

W-what the hell's with that kind of smoothness?!

Eren feels his cheeks heat up as he tries to play it cool. But how the hell is he supposed to pretend like those words are nothing when they come from Porco? Damn it. For Eren's sake, can Porco please not just drop bombs like that in public? Because his heart is fluttering and he feels like he might explode with a loud yell that will doubtlessly disturb other shoppers.

"Hey."

Porco moves suddenly so that he's standing right next to Eren by the bookshelf. If Eren isn't careful, this guy is going to trap Eren here. Except why is Porco doing that for? They've already gotten earfuls when they were younger about fighting in shops. T-then...

Oh.

Is Porco going to... k-kiss him...? R-right now? In public? In the middle of a shop? W-where everyone can s-see? That's so... indecent!

Eren finds himself leaning back away from Porco until his back hits the bookshelf. Damn. He forgot how close he was already standing to the bookshelf to begin with. Porco, this asshole, probably knew that Eren had no place to run. And if Eren bolts right now, they'll most definitely end up causing a commotion and annoy the other shoppers and the shop owners, so that's out of the picture. Which means that Eren should just... accept his losses and get ready for a kiss? H-he definitely isn't against it. In fact, maybe he should close his eyes and wait? And if anyone asks, he can just blame it all on Porco.

"Don't make that kind of expression for anyone but me," Porco says.

He puts his hand under Eren's chin and gently lifts it. There's a cutest little pout on his lips as he inspects Eren's face.

"You're too damned cute when you blush like that."

Just when?! When did Porco learn to talk like that?! Wait... Could it be? Maybe it's not that Porco suddenly learned this, but he's always known but never had a chance to use it! That's right. Porco has always loved romance stories, hasn't he? So he's probably just recycling the things that he read somewhere to make Eren's heart beat like crazy!

Aha! Eren has figured you out, Porco. Just you wait. When Porco returns home next time, Eren is going to study up on all sorts of romantic gestures. That way, it won't just be Porco that makes Eren all flustered and nervous. Porco can have a taste of his own medicine! Hah!

"W-what about you?" Eren mumbles.

He grabs Porco by the front of his shirt and yanks him closer. Their noses bump uncomfortably, but at this distance, there's just one thing left to do, isn't there?

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice how cute you are when you pout?"

Porco kisses Eren lightly on the lips. "Not as cute as you."

"I don't know... You're really-"

"Excuse me," an employee of the book shop nervously says with an apologetic smile. "D-do you mind taking that kind of things outside of our shop? O-our manager recently went through a bad break up and..."

The employee makes a small motion towards the back of the store, where they can all clearly hear someone sobbing. Eren winces.

"S-sorry about this," he and Porco both say.

*

"This is the thirty-third times we've been kicked out of that book store," Eren remarks lightly.

Porco rolls his eyes. "No, it isn't. Don't make up numbers. It should at least be sixty."

The two meet eyes and giggle, even though they should really be apologizing to book store employees and owner for the sheer amount of times they've caused trouble.

"But this is a pain. Now that we've been kicked out of there, what are we going to do about presents?"

"We don't need to get them anything," Porco points out. "They'll eventually all get their vacation time anyways. So why not just focus on me?"

Eren finds himself echoing the grin on Porco's face. "That sounds like you have something fun in mind."

"Oh, I do."

*

"F-fuck! Porco, y-you..."

The rest of his words are drowned out by his own whimper. He can't believe this. This just cannot be happening. As if relishing in his disbelief, Porco's voice sounds five times more smug than usual against Eren's ear.

"What's wrong, darling? Did you think I'd go easy on you?" Porco purrs.

It should be noted that Eren wasn't so foolish that he stopped training his body once he lost his leg and eye (Part of it was rehabilitation, and the other part was just his own stubbornness). He's still a Warrior Candidate, you know. Not to mention, what else was he going to do with all this free time that suddenly appeared from being home? Sure, he didn't have a good enough sparring partner who didn't look down on him, so he never got to develop a satisfying fighting technique.

But this is demoralizing on so many levels.

"I-I give," Eren manages out.

Porco releases the painful hold and throws his head back to laugh. It takes Eren a few seconds to get the blood back to his limbs by stretching. He takes that time to glare at Porco, who looks much too pleased with himself. If Porco didn't look so damned cute, Eren would have been much more insulted.

"Where did you even learn those holds?"

"The Non-Marleyan Army. Some of them have some scary technique. When they saw me, they insisted on teaching it to me. I'm assuming it was payback for something you did, because damn, they did not go easy."

Porco levels a glare at Eren that seems much too accusing. Eren gives the most innocent smile he can muster.

But that's really annoying. If Porco added holds to his arsenal, Eren's going to have to develop something that gets around that. Which country's martial arts should he look up for that? Heh. This is actually starting to get fun. The only downside is that he won't be able to win easily against Porco right now.

... Unless he gets smart.

"One more time," Eren demands.

The two of them are using the Galliard's backyard (only because they don't want to disturb any patients coming to the clinic with their sparing). So it's not like there's any time limit to this aside from what their own patience can handle. As expected, Porco doesn't refuse him. He looks much too smug as he returns Eren his crutch and helps him to his feet.

But Eren has something rather fun planned.

He just has to make sure that he doesn't get caught too fast. This match will be a check on how quickly this broken body of his can react.

Heh. Porco always gives him the best kind of challenges.

He swings his crutch towards Porco's head, knowing it'll be dodged. Porco doesn't disappoint. He ducks and lunges forward for Eren's middle. Like hell Eren will let that happen! He lets go of his crutch, uncaring of exactly where it lands. Then he grabs one of Porco's arm. That should throw off the hold enough for Porco to think twice.

As expected, Porco stops mid-lunge with an amused grin. That's right. Eren has zero plans on letting Porco win this with ease. Porco yanks his caught arm back, watching carefully as Eren is pulled forward. And damn it. Having just one leg knocks him off balance too easily. But like hell that'll keep Eren from keeping an eye on Porco.

It's a good thing he did. Because that asshole looks to have been aiming for Eren's throat. To block that arm coming at him, he should let Porco's other arm go. But that would mean he leaves himself vulnerable for a second attack. No, no. It's far better to use both of his arms to stop both of Porco's, one for each arm. It means he'll be unsteady on his one foot, but that should give him the opening he needs for his special move.

Porco quirks an amused brow. He yanks both arms back, knowing that Eren will end up falling forward towards his chest. But see, this is where Porco messed up. Why would Eren try the same thing twice?

Eren quickly releases both of Porco's arms and grabs Porco by the front of his shirt. Without giving Porco a chance to think or breath, Eren closes the distance between their lips. Whatever complaints Porco has is nothing but a muffled moan now.

Yeah, it's cheap.

And yeah, Eren would normally never have done something like this. But desperate times calls for desperate measures. At least he has a fighting chance against those damned holds now. All he has to do is...

Porco's hand grips the back of Eren's neck, refusing to let Eren pull away. His other hand wraps around Eren's waist. Their bodies are pressed against each other in a way that's much different from their usual spars.

And damn. Eren didn't consider this.

He thought for sure that Porco would be stupefied. That Porco would freeze up. That it would give Eren just enough of a leeway to pin Porco down for a victory.

How the hell was he supposed to predict that Porco would take it as an opportunity instead?

Eren leans back to catch his breath, but this damned asshole refuses to let go. Fine! That's how Porco wants it?

He pulls back, knocking himself off-balance on purpose. It does exactly what he wants for once. The two of them fall to the ground. Eren is prepared to let his back hit the ground and to lose his breath for a bit. But he doesn't expect for Porco to be a complete asshole about it by kissing him right away.

It takes much too long to finally push Porco away enough to catch his breath. As if to get revenge for that, Porco kisses Eren's fingers, then his hand, and then-

"Pfft! That tickles!"

"Shut it," Porco grumbles against Eren's wrist. "You started this."

W-wait. That sounds almost like Porco wants to...?

"W-what if someone sees?" Eren squeaks.

Porco presses a light trail of kisses down Eren's forearm. Then he pulls back, grinning down at Eren wolfishly.

"Then they see us."

Please, have some shame.

Eren doesn't need to see how smug Porco looks to know how red he must have gotten. Damn it. Why is it that Eren's plan of making Porco flustered ended up like this?

"I... don't like it," Eren grumbles. "I don't want others to see you."

Oh.

That got Porco flustered. Porco's gaze drifts away from Eren's, clearly embarrassed. But then he must have mustered courage somewhere, because he meets Eren's eyes again with an almost defiant pout.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't want others to look at you either. I want you to be mine and just mine. Isn't that selfish?"

Eren rolls his eyes and pulls Porco close to him. He touches their foreheads together, feeling embarrassed by what he's about to say.

"Isn't it only obvious that we'll be exclusively for each other? What? Were you planning on fooling around with other girls?"

"Never." Porco kisses Eren's mouth lightly. "I just want you."

That's good. If Porco had said otherwise, Eren might have done something rather unforgivable. But if both of their hearts are aligned, then it's easier.

"Me too. I just want you, too," Eren says.

The two stay like that for a while longer, their lips brushing occasionally as they whisper softly to each other.

*

"... Is that my boxers?"

Is Porco seriously focusing on that instead of the fact that Eren is only in his boxers on the bed? And he dares to call Eren the unromantic asshole?

The two of them came inside the Galliard residence in search of food to eat. Since Porco's dad is off at work and his mom is out shopping for dinner, the two decided on something light for snack and then a shower. Eren finished his first and was staring at some of the books in Porco's room when he got this idea (Okay fine. One of the covers reminded him of something like this. Shut up).

"W-what if it is?" Eren grumbles, pouting at Porco.

"No, just... you look really good in it."

Damn it, Porco. Don't say such hopeful things while looking away from Eren to pretend to dry his hair. Eren already knows that Porco's hair is too short to need that kind of vigorous drying with a towel. Damn it. Damn it. This is making Eren five times more self-conscious than when first got undressed and onto Porco's bed. Maybe he shouldn't have done this at all. He's starting to regret everything.

"I-I bet... I would look p-pretty good out of it, too," Eren says lightly.

He gives Porco what he thinks is a meaningful look, but this idiot is too busy looking away to notice. Eren wants to die of embarrassment. Please! For the love of all that is pure, look at Eren! He's practically naked! On Porco's bed! Why the hell doesn't this bother Porco at all?!

"Oh, I believe it."

"Porco," Eren groans. "That's an invitation for you to strip me, you dumbass."

There's a small pause as Porco lets that sink in. His brows furrow for a second and...

"W-wait, for real? Y-you want to...? To...?" Porco gulps, unable to finish his sentence.

But he's finally looking at Eren, his face beet red. So at the very least, he seems to finally have understood Eren's intentions. He pulls the towel off of himself slowly. But he keeps his eyes locked on Eren, taking in every last detail exposed before him.

"You don't want to?"

Porco is surprisingly clumsy as he makes his way to Eren. He actually stumbles and almost fall on Eren before finally catching himself. He has both his hands on either side of Eren's head, looking down at Eren with a look in his eyes that seems almost desperate, almost needing. That's good, Eren can't help but to think. They're both thinking of the same thing then.

"Are you sure? We don't have to do anything you don't want. A-and if we're moving too fast-"

Eren kisses him to shut him up. For guys like them, that simple action is worth more than anything they can say to each other. And really, Eren should have just done this from the beginning instead of bothering with words.

Porco's lips are confident against his own. There's nothing more comforting than feeling Porco press against him. Of feeling Porco's arms wrap around him, holding him close. He feels Porco's almost shy hand slip under his boxer before becoming bolder enough to squeeze his butt. For just a second, the two of them break apart from their kiss to grin.

Eren feels like this is the perfect opportunity to say something cheesy. You're supposed to, aren't you? Say something that will get across just how much Porco means to him, just how much he wants this, just how much he loves Porco. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that there's really no good words that can get everything in his heart across.

So he settles for grabbing the hem of Porco's shirt and pulling it over his head. Porco releases Eren's butt just for a bit to allow for that movement and then returns his hand. The hard muscles from the years of training together are a sight to behold. If there's just one disappointment, it's the simple fact that the scars from their years of dumbassery are all gone. It feels just a bit like they're erasing their past. And when Eren inherits the Beast from Zeke, wouldn't the last bit of their shared scars disappear for good?

Porco kisses Eren's cheek. Then his nose. He presses their foreheads together as if to offer comfort.

"I'm going to get jealous if you're that lost in thought. What are you thinking of when I'm squeezing your ass like this?"

"Just that you're as unromantic as me." Eren says with a roll of his eyes. Then a little more seriously, he meekly adds, "There's... a lot that's changed suddenly."

Porco takes a moment to untangle himself from Eren and looks at him seriously. "Are you having second thoughts? If you don't want to do this, that's okay. But you need to tell me now before I do something I can't take back."

"I-it's not really second thoughts. I want to do this with you. I want you. That won't change. But I'm also really scared of what's to come. There's a lot that we don't know in our future, and everything changes so suddenly. What if you go off and I never see you again? What if the Marleys decide that I'm not good enough to give the Beast Titan to and they take back my Warrior Candidacy? What if this is it? The last time we'll ever be together?"

The expression on Porco's face doesn't change. He keeps it neutral as possible, which is starting to make Eren really nervous. Then slowly, Porco breaths out, rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish expression.

"Jeesh, why the hell do we always worry over the same things? ... Hey, let's do this. Let's promise each other to meet again. No matter what happens, we'll find each other. So all we have to do is survive until then. Everything else can be secondary."

It can't be that simple. Eren is sure that Porco knows that, too. But having something simple to hold onto is exactly what they need. Even if logic dictates otherwise, if they can have this glimmer of hope...

"We will meet each other again?" Eren asks.

Porco nods. "Always. No matter what. If you can't move, I'll come to you. And if I get stuck, you'll come to me. So there's no need to worry. We'll always meet again."

Eren is going to keep Porco's certainty and warmth close to his chest. When his doubts get loud, he's going to remember this moment and recall how Porco's lips taste against his own.

And he'll be fine.

*

He covers his mouth in hopes that he can hold back some of the rather embarrassing sounds he's making. It doesn't seem to have helped.

Porco pauses in kissing down Eren's inner thigh from his knee to pull Eren's hands away.

"Don't do that. How else am I supposed to know if I'm doing this right?"

"The fact that you even know what's right is creepy," Eren complains.

Porco bites the spot he recently kissed, making Eren yelp. He pulls back just enough to lick the spot and smirks smugly at Eren.

"That sound? Means you liked it very much. And..."

He kisses the tip of Eren's cock before taking it in his mouth. He sucks on it nosily before backing off, licking it with a self-satisfied grin. Eren doesn't know how to describe the squeaks he made aside from that they're embarrassing. He didn't even know he could make some of those sounds. Damn it. What the hell? Why does Porco know so well what to do? This can't be because he read romance books, can it? Eren's going to borrow a few to take home for... r-research purposes.

"That sound means you want me to do it again."

It's not wrong. Eren wants to stubbornly refuse, but he rather liked having Porco's mouth around him. And in these types of situations, it's much better to be honest, right?

"Y-yeah. P-please do it again?"

Porco stares at him blankly for a second before burying his face against Eren's inner thigh. Eren sees that his ears have gone red. Too fucking late to feel shy, isn't it?

"Hey, don't look away."

The asshole's answer is to bite down on Eren's inner thigh again, sucking hard. He must have gained confidence from the soft whimper Eren lets out, because he lets go to face Eren. The grin on Porco's face is lopsided, Eren notes. It definitely doesn't look like the smug little smirk from before. Good. They're finally on even playing field again.

"When did you get so hot?" Porco mumbles.

"Isn't there something else your mouth is supposed to be doing?"

Porco's soft laughter tickles as he takes Eren's cock in his mouth again. He moves carefully, keeping one hand on Eren's hip probably to stop Eren from moving too suddenly. His mouth is hot. Made especially more so when Porco's tongue languidly touches Eren's cock. Eren finds himself gripping Porco's blankets tightly as his breath gets caught in his throat. And then he stops himself because hey, what is he doing? In these kinds of moments, there's something else that he should be grabbing.

Slowly, he dares himself to reach for Porco's hair. And thank god for the shower before this, because Porco's hair is soft to the touch. To be honest, it looks good like this, coming apart a mess under Eren's hands. Or maybe Eren thinks that way because what he absolutely loves is the way Porco's eyes focuses on him with that mussed hair and-

His mouth lets out an unwilling startled yelp that dissolves into a moan.

H-huh? Just now. Porco just...? T-that's a finger, right? W-why the hell is Porco teasing his ass for? It's not quite a finger inside, but it still feels weird as hell. A-and wait a minute. D-doesn't this mean that Porco w-wants to...??? H-huh?! W-w-wait. Eren doesn't think he's mentally or emotionally prepared and-

Before Eren voices out his concerns, Porco suddenly deepthroats him. Eren's words get drowned out in his own moans and gasps. He's sure that his grip in Porco's hair probably tightened too much, but Porco enthusiastically bobs his head and takes in as much of Eren's cock in his mouth and then pulls back before returning all over again. It feels so good. Damn, why did it take them this long to try this? Later, he promises to return the favor for Porco. Because he's pretty damned sure that Porco would look gasping and panting when Eren sucks him off. And who knows? Maybe it'll feel good to have his own hair pulled in that situation.

Has Porco been staring at him the entire time? Eren's head a mess from how good Porco's mouth feels. He didn't even notice Porco staring.

Is he watching Eren's yelps and moans, the way Eren's body shakes and twitches with every touch? Is he watching Eren's body tense as he struggles to not buck his hips into Porco's mouth? Is he watching as Eren's thoughts spiral and disappear from pure pleasure? Does he know just how hot he looks with his eyes locked onto Eren? Does he know how much Eren loves him?

He cums with a low moan and a shudder. Porco pulls back and coughs, looking more peeved than Eren expected. Way to ruin a good high from cumming.

Ass.

"Warn a guy next time, won't you?" Porco grumbles.

Ah, but that promises a next time, doesn't it?

"How was I supposed to know that you'd be so damned good at sucking dick?" Eren growls.

Porco can hide it all he wants by reaching for something, but Eren saw that twitch of self-satisfied grin. What the hell is he trying to get anyways? Water? ... Candy?

O-oh.

Lube and condom.

Eren feels his cheeks heat up at the sight. R-right. They're g-going to...

"Guess it was worth reading those books!" Porco says cheerfully.

No, no. There's a limit to what reading can teach you. No way that Porco learned all of this from just reading!

"The hell's with that? I never tried it with someone else, if that's what you're asking. Like there's anyone other than you I want to do this with."

Ugh. Damned Porco for being able to say such cheesy things with the cutest blushing pout in the world. And damn him for being able to turn the conversation away from the condom and lube long enough for Eren to feel comfortable again.

"Hey," Porco says with the slightest bit of embarrassed scowl on his face. "It's my turn."

Like hell Eren forgot. He has no idea how well he'll be able to handle Porco's cock in his mouth but he's planning on doing his best and...

Why the hell is Porco lifting Eren's hip? When did he put that condom on? H-hey, why is he pouring lube on his fingers?

Porco wraps Eren's right leg around his middle while keeping his focus on Eren's face. It feels like Porco is waiting for Eren to protest, almost like he knows this will pick a fight. And Eren wants to. Not just because he's easily baited, but because he feels embarrassed as hell.

But he wants to give Porco this.

Unlike Eren who will be spending yet who knows how long here in peaceful Liberio, Porco is going off to the battlefield. If this little can make him happy, then why the hell won't Eren indulge him?

"I-it's fine," Eren manages out through his embarrassment. "G-go ahead."

Porco's expression softens. He leans forward and catches Eren's lips. And while Eren is distracted by Porco deepening the kiss, Porco slowly eases his finger inside. It feels weird to say the least. Eren isn't sure how he likes it. But he's not about to tell Porco to stop just because it feels weird. He's sure he'll get used to it eventually.

They break apart from the kiss for just a second before Porco presses a lighter one against Eren's lips. Then it's a kiss on Eren's nose. Then on his cheeks. Then-

Eren interrupts Porco's path by kissing Porco on the mouth. It prompts a soft laugh against his lips. Porco's body feels sturdy against his own. Porco's lips are warm and inviting. It feels good like this. Comfortable, even.

A second finger joins the first. It feels less stranger than before. Eren feels comfortable enough to say that he thinks he'll be okay to take in a whole... He catches sight of Porco's cock and decides that he'll be patient.

"W-would that even fit...?" he finds himself wondering between their kisses.

"I'll make it fit."

What terrifying words...

Porco must have realized just how those words came across, because he rubs his nose against Eren's. "It's not supposed to hurt. I'm going to take this as slowly as possible, so there's no need to worry."

"To be honest, you knowing so much about this is scaring me more."

"Ass." As if to emphasize that, Porco lightly bites Eren's nose. "Do you know how many books I've read about this? You really think I wouldn't do my research when you're concerned?"

"Hey, that almost makes it sound like you knew I would say yes," Eren points out.

There's a defiant pout on Porco's face as his cheeks heat up. "It... It was just in case, alright? I wasn't going to force you into anything. B-but if you said yes and I wasn't prepared, that'd be the worst, right?"

Eren pulls him down for a kiss, letting his hand stay in Porco's messy hair. And wow, he's messed with Porco's hair a lot today. It's nice. Normally, Porco would throw a hissy fit whenever anyone touched his hair. Maybe this is a sign that their relationship has deepened? Or is this just a sex thing? Eren really hopes that Porco will let him play with his hair more, even if they're not having sex. 

"I trust you."

Porco kisses Eren's temple. Then seems to pause for a second before he begins to shower Eren's face with kisses. Eren finds himself laughing as he tries to sneak some of his own kisses in, too.

By the time Eren feels used to the third finger, he starts impatiently demanding for more.

"Aren't you getting tired of waiting?" he tries. "I'm ready. Just put it in!"

"What if it hurts? I don't want to risk it," Porco reasons.

Did Porco forget the reason why he started putting his fingers up Eren's ass? C'mon! They're going to get absolutely nothing done at this rate.

Eren grabs Porco by the face and pulls him close so that their noses touch.

"Are you saying that because you think I won't feel good?"

Porco gulps heavily, staring at Eren with unabashed want. And that. That's what Eren wanted to see.

Why bother with holding back? When it's just the two of them, they should just reach for what they want and claim it. Haven't they been together long enough to know exactly what the other can take?

A cock is most definitely much bigger than three fingers. But Porco takes it slowly, giving Eren as much time as he needs to get used to the size. Eren didn't think it'll feel this good to have someone's cock up his ass, but here we are. Or perhaps that's just because it's Porco's? He doesn't exactly have many experiences to compare this one to. And when he does, he wants it all to be Porco's anyways, so he supposes it's all moot.

"I'm going to move now, okay?"

Eren nods and buries his face against Porco's shoulder. He receives soft kisses against his hair in return.

It's slow at first. Slow and uncertain, both of them trying to get a feel for this while doing their utmost to not hurt the other. Then they find their rhythm. It feels good. So, so good to have Porco thrust in and out of him. Yeah, it was worth it to take that long of a time to get used to this. Because Eren can't imagine this pleasure being marred by pain (although just a bit might add to this. He makes a note of it to try it later. Because, of course, there will be a later. Eren has no plans on letting this be the last time).

And there.

He has no idea what Porco just did, but there, just there, he felt a jolt of pleasure. His breath gets caught into a stuttering gasp. And he finds himself gripping Porco tightly, his nails digging in in probably a painful kind of way. But Porco sounds positively giddy as he hits that spot again and again.

Eren can't tell you more in details of exactly everything else that followed. He remembers a desperate kind of pleasure. Of knowing that this was building up to a release that's going to feel even better than anything he's had before. He remembers clinging to Porco, possibly gasping and moaning and making those damned embarrassing sounds that he honestly can't recall much about. But the rest of the detail gets blurred away by Porco's warmth, Porco's mouth, Porco's cock, and most of all, his own pleasure.

Porco buries himself deep inside of Eren as he cums. Then it's a flurry of kisses and "I love you"s all over until Eren follows shortly afterwards. Or at least, that's what Eren thinks happened.

By the time he's catching his breath, Porco is busily kissing down his neck and his shoulder. So Eren pulls him back up for another kiss on the mouth. The two meet eyes and laugh into their kiss.

Eren rests his forehead against Porco's, feeling content.

"Hey Porco, I love you," he whispers.

Porco lightly pecks his mouth. "And I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ahh, I really don't want to go tomorrow," Porco groans as he buries his face against Eren's shoulder. 
> 
> Eren runs his fingers through Porco's hair, but Porco has an inkling of suspicion it has less to do with comforting him and more to do with fascination of touching Porco's hair. Does Eren really like it that much? Maybe Porco should let him touch it a little more often? He's not completely opposed to the thought. It feels nice to have Eren pamper him. But he's a little annoyed at the thought of others trying the same.
> 
> "Then you should do your utmost best to end the war," Eren says lightly.
> 
> Porco lets out a whine and peeks out to pout at Eren. "You don't care that I'll be gone for who knows how long?"
> 
> "It's fine."
> 
> Ass.
> 
> "Because we'll find each other at the end."
> 
> Eren's grin is so damned bright. Porco has no choice but to kiss it.
> 
> *
> 
> "To think I'll be on the field with you again."
> 
> Marco glances at Jean's smug grin with a wry one of his own. "I can say the same to you. How's Military Police life?"
> 
> "Shit ever since her highness came into power. But hey, lower ranks like me aren't allowed to complain." Jean pauses for a second before he becomes serious. "Hey, is Commander Erwin really planning on...?"
> 
> "Do you disagree?" Marco asks instead of answering.
> 
> Jean makes a face that makes it clear that he also hates the offered plan. 
> 
> "But what else can we do? Any kind of option was robbed from us since... those traitors attacked us. This is just due justice."
> 
> Logically speaking, Marco agrees. But he still has his doubts. He wonders if that makes him too soft.
> 
> "Are you going to be okay flying again? You haven't since you moved to the inner walls, right?" Marco asks, changing the topic.
> 
> Jean smirks. "Don't underestimate the Military Police! We've kept ourselves in top shape since the whole thing went down three years ago. We may not be able to rival you Survey Corps members, but we're ready for this."
> 
> Ready... huh?
> 
> Marco wonders if his smiles look as sickly as he feels.


	22. our lives without each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting this chapter on, the "background war" that I've been using as a backdrop for the rom-drama will become forefront. This means we'll have war-related/titan violence (such as more explosions and all the fiery scenes I've been eluding to in Eren's nightmares), gore, heavy politics, and select Paradisian characters more prominently. 
> 
> If these are things that are of no interest to you, please feel free to consider the previous chapter as the end to this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porco forgot how warm it is, how great it feels, to wake up next to Eren. To be able to wrap his arms around Eren and bury his face in the crock of Eren's neck. To be able to play with Eren's hair while Eren sleeps. To be able to touch Eren's sleeping face and (this is a new one) kiss it again and again until Eren mumbles and wakes up.
> 
> Being on a mission without Eren really is the worst.
> 
> Or maybe it's become even more so because he went home for a bit? He had Eren in his arms. He held Eren close to his chest. And now he feels the absence so acutely that it's making his heart ache.
> 
> "Did Eren reject you?" Pieck asks tactlessly during breakfast.
> 
> "Huh? The hell you think that for?"
> 
> "You've been super moody since you got back."
> 
> The others nod in agreement to Pieck, stopping the words of protest from leaving Porco's mouth. Damn them. He feels his cheeks heat up as he awkwardly fiddle with his fork. Does Eren care if Porco tells them? He forgot to ask before he returned. Does Eren want to tell the rest of the division together? Or does he want them to know right away?
> 
> Well, it should be fine since it's their division, right? Aside from missions, they really don't keep secrets. There's no real need for it.
> 
> "It's... the opposite."
> 
> The others give him a blank look. Do... they not understand? Then again, every one of them are single. They probably can't wrap their heads around the idea of dating. Heh. That's right. Be in awe.
> 
> "Eren and I," Porco tells them with a smirk, "are dating."
> 
> "No, you're not. Reiner and Eren have to get married. So Eren can be a Braun like me," Gabi declares.
> 
> And... what the fuck have you been teaching this kid, Reiner? No, no. Don't blush and look away. Fix this misunderstanding.
> 
> Falco stares at Colt. "If you and-"
> 
> "Purge that thought immediately! I am not interested in either of my friends like that!" Colt snaps.
> 
> "But Porco and Eren got together, so you can just join them. Then you won't be forever alone and I'll have two new big brothers!"
> 
> Colt glowers at Porco as if this is all his fault.
> 
> Zeke clears his throat to get all of their attention. "Porco, I don't mean this in a rude way, but... does Eren realize that you're dating?"

Eren pokes the scrambled egg on his plate with his fork.

It's been a week since Porco returned to the battlefield. It's too early to be expecting a letter or the news that the war ended, right? How the hell did he manage to live an entire six months without Porco before?

"Still feeling down, huh?" his grandpa says worriedly.

"I'm fine," Eren assures him. "A little peeved at myself. But fine otherwise."

It doesn't seem to have convinced his family in the least. Eren tries to give them a smile, but they look even more worried now. He's doing his best here. Can't they throw him a bone?

"Why don't you run some errands for me today instead of helping in the clinic?" his grandma suggests.

"I'm really fine," he insists.

He doesn't get why they look so worried. He's really fine. Yeah, he feels a bit down, but it's not like he can't get over it. They're making it sound like he only has Porco in his life or something. He'll like to point out that he has plenty he can do even without Porco next to him.

But since it's clear that his family isn't going to believe him, he sighs and accepts.

*

It becomes clear that his grandma didn't really have something in mind when she decided to give Eren some errands. The list of 'to-do' she hands him looks like she jotted down the first things that came to mind. Since it's like this as is, Eren decides once he finishes this, he'll stop by the ring shop to see if the matching rings are ready.

Now that he has a goal for the day, he's starting to feel better already. Perhaps he should pick up some fruits while he's out, too. The tomatoes were delicious. So it's only right to find something just as delicious for the Galliards to enjoy.

"Oh, Eren, while you're out, can you check in with the Warrior Headquarter to see if Zeke sent any package? He mentioned in his letter that he sent something two weeks ago, but if it still hasn't come, I bet the package is being checked."

"Yeah, sure. No problem."

Eren hopes that his brother sent sweets.

*

The rings are ready for him when he goes to pick them up. They're just simple golden bands with their names engraved on the inside. So Eren figured it shouldn't take too long.

"Are you sure you guys don't want something a little fancier?" the shop owner asks, his eyes set on Eren's arm band that denotes him as a Warrior Candidate.

Does he think that Eren has a lot of money because of this arm band? He hates to disappoint, but the one who paid for the rings is actually a combination of Porco's and Marcel's Warrior pay. As a Warrior Candidate, Eren gets a fraction of pay that the two of them gets.

"This is fine. Thank you."

"Then when you guys are ready for a wedding, you should come back. I'll even throw a great discount."

Eren smiles. "I'll keep that in mind."

*

Half of him wants to put on the ring to see how it fits. But he fights the urge and instead string both rings on a necklace to put around his neck. Porco said he wanted them to do a ring-exchange together. That means Eren can't get ahead of himself and put it on beforehand.

He touches the rings and grins. Porco better return fast before Eren's patience runs out.

*

"I'm off to the headquarters," Eren explains to the gatekeepers.

They grin knowingly at him. "Impatient to see if your lover sent you something nice?"

Eren feels his cheeks heat up. The words of protest is at the tip of his tongue, but he has learned since long ago to not talk back to any Marleyans. The closest he gets to talking back is with Magath, but that's only if their lives (read: the kids' lives) are in danger. And even then, it's more of light teasing than anything with a bite to it.

"T-there's nothing wrong with that. I miss him," Eren manages out instead.

The gatekeepers laugh and motion Eren through.

*

"I don't care how things were done elsewhere. This is how we do it in Liberio."

Now here's a scene he hasn't seen in a long time.

Two Public Security Authorities officers loom over a small, young lady. There are knowing leers on their faces, and it's almost embarrassing how obvious their intentions are. The lady's back is to Eren, so he can't quite tell if she's frightened. But she stands proudly like a nail about to be beaten down.

Her armband is on the wrong arm, Eren notes. Just where could she have come from to get something that obvious wrong?

"But we're not complete monsters," one of the officers drawls. "We'll give you a choice. You can go work off your sin or we can keep this hush-hush between us. What will it be?"

"What does that mean? 'Hush-hush' between us?" the lady asks.

Her voice is calm. Is she stupid? She has to be, if she doesn't know what the officers mean. But at the same time, she holds herself with a certain kind of elegance that Eren can't recall any of the Eldians he has ever met having. It feels like she's lived quite a sheltered life. Almost a "princess" kind of feel, if that makes sense.

"You're a pretty little thing. And we officers are a hard-working bunch who deserve a treat now and then. Get it?"

Disgusting.

"Hey, what's with that defiant glare? You're just a bitch. You should be grateful to us for showing mercy."

Enough. If this goes on, that lady isn't going to survive.

Eren cups his hand around his mouth and shouts out, "There you are, Lucy!"

He makes his way over to the lady and the officers with a relieved smile. First, diffuse the tension. Then he'll figure out what the deal is with her. But the Marleyans need to come first.

"Thank you so much, officers! I've been looking everywhere for her!" He lowers his voice and leans in towards them. "She's a patient from the clinic. I don't know how, but she ran off early this morning. To think she made it outside the gates... Really, thank you. This could've become really dangerous... Huh? Lucy, your armband's on wrong. It's supposed to be on the other arm, remember?"

The officers seem at first baffled by the sincerity Eren pours into his thanks. And then a little bashful. But then one of them glances at the lady and scowls, possibly recalling her attitude. Damn it. Not enough, huh? And here, Eren tried so hard to be sugar sweet. Just how badly did this lady hurt their pride?

"That's too convenient an excuse. Even if you're a Warrior Candidate, there are things you shouldn't poke your nose in. Where's your proof?"

Proof, huh? None of the fake papers he has on him can be used in this situation. He never thought to make one about an escaped patient. Is that just a sign of his lack of creativity? No, no. This situation is what's strange, isn't it?

"The thing is..."

Eren makes a show of hesitating. If there's one thing that he has learned, it's that human curiosity is a powerful thing. Sprinkle a bit of secrecy over it, and he'll have these Marleyans eating out of his hands in no time. Heh. To think the techniques he's worked on to get intel out of their enemies will be used on Marleyans like this.

"Do you remember Orkaneu-Wolfram disease from a few years back? She hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, but my dad thinks-"

The officers both pale. "Mention important things like that first! T-take her back to the clinic! Now!"

Eren gives them a relieved smile.

"Thank you so much for understanding!"

He turns towards the lady with a friendly smile and freezes. She looks awful like Helen. But no, no. Helen is dead. Helen is dead and he just needs to focus on making his act as realistic as possible.

"Lucy, I know you don't like hospitals, but we're trying to help. Won't you please come back with me?"

The lady stares at him in long silence before nodding stiffly. When Eren starts moving towards the interment zone, she follows a few steps behind him. This is just until they're out of sight from the Marleyans. Then he'll go his separate way from her.

He doesn't want to spend another second with someone who looks like a dead woman.

*

"Why did you help me?" the lady asks once they come to a secluded area of the Marleyan side of Liberio.

Since she was out here when he found her, he thinks it's only right that he leaves here here and not bring her inside the interment zone. It's easy enough to get inside the interment zone if you're an Eldian. But not so much to get out. At least this way, she can choose for herself when she wants to go where.

"Why wouldn't I help?" Eren asks, feeling confused. "We're Eldians. The rest of the world is pretty much our enemy as it is, if there's even a little we can do to help each other, we should."

She seems to think over that very seriously. Then a little quietly, she asks, "What's... that disease you said I had?"

Eren feels his lips twitch into a smirk.

"It doesn't exist. But because the name sounds so formal, they're not going to question it."

"But they looked panicked when you mentioned it."

"Simple. They're not going to question a doctor's kid on his knowledge of diseases. And they're not going to admit that they don't know something an Eldian does. Then you lead with the idea that this disease is something that happened before, and you get panicked soldiers who doesn't think to question you."

The lady tilts her head to the side, still staring at him. Her expression is neutral, so he's not too sure what she thinks of him. But to be honest, he doesn't really care.

"Make sure you switch the armband around. And if you can, avoid officers," Eren tells her. "Good-"

She grabs his crutch to stop him from leaving. "If you leave me alone, this will happen again. At least until I find the rest of my... companions, accompany me."

Bossy.

But he supposes he can't blame her. She's probably frightened by what just happened. If Eren hadn't stepped in, he doesn't want to imagine the torture she would've suffered. But in the same breath, she looks too much like Helen. It leaves a nasty taste in Eren's mouth.

"Not interested," Eren says.

"You're the one who got me labeled as a runaway patient. If those guys find me again, who knows what they'll try. I'm not saying protect me. I'm saying take responsibility for what you said until I find my companions."

What a pain. But he can't fault her logic. It is partly his fault for jumping in without any real plan.

"Okay, fine," he agrees. "Where did you last see your companions? Do you have a time you're supposed to meet back up?"

There's a small pause as if she didn't expect it to be so easy. Then she makes a small uncomfortable expression that makes him really not like where this is going.

"I... er... r-ran away from them," she says.

Helen-lookalike, Eren decides, is a huge pain in the ass.

"If you ran away from them, then why do you want to return?"

Why is she looking at him like a scientist looking at a specimen? Like she's preparing herself to dissect Eren. He doesn't like this at all.

"We... had a fight," she says slowly. "And I got the confirmation that I wanted, so it's time to return to them."

To apologize for the fight? There's a lot that she's leaving vague, but it's probably a personal thing. He shouldn't pry. He's not interested in her life anyways.

"Where was the last time you saw them?"

"At a hotel by the harbor. We're staying there for a bit."

By the harbor...? That's Marleyan territory. What are bunch of Eldians doing... Oh, maybe she's the only Eldian? And because she's spent so long with non-Eldians, she doesn't know how to put the armband on correctly? He thinks that's something that he can believe. But it feels a bit too much like he's trying to come up with excuses for her.

"If we go to the harbor, will you be able to point it out?"

She nods.

"Alright. Let's do that then."

*

The two make their way to the harbor in relative silence. Most people give them a wide berth, and no one thankfully reports them. Eren suspects that it's his own armband. These people probably can't tell the difference between the armband of a Warrior and a Warrior Candidate.

When they get near one of the hotels, a rather well-dressed man runs towards them. He's a good looking man. And there's no sign of an armband on him. So Eren's theory that she's the only Eldian might be correct.

"There you are! Where have you been?" the man asks the lady. "We're not home anymore. You can't just run off..."

He trails off when he realizes that Eren is there. His eyes dart from Eren's face to the armband and then down to Eren's missing leg. Then they snap back up to Eren's eyes. "Did you help her?" he asks.

"He did," the lady answers for Eren.

"He wouldn't have to do that if you didn't run off," he grumbles. Then a little more sincerely, he turns to Eren. "Thank you. I'm sure she caused you a lot of problems, and I'm really sorry about that... Uh... if you want, I can buy you a meal. You free for lunch?"

This is probably better than heading home to his worried family. But Eren really doesn't want to get involved. The promise was to get this lady to her companion. The job is done and-

"Sure. He'll love to," the lady answers for Eren.

He's starting to really not like this person.

*

"I'm Jea... Jack," the man says.

Fake name, Eren notes. Why else would someone trip over their own name like that? But seeing that he doesn't really care what their names are, he decides not to push.

"Nice to meet you, Jea-Jack."

The man shoots him a wry glare. "Jack. Just Jack. And this is-"

"I'm Lucy," the lady says matter-of-factly.

"Lucy?" Jack asks, looking as shocked as Eren feels.

"That's what Eren said. I'm sticking with it."

Jack looks annoyed, but he doesn't say anything more. He turns to Eren, clearly waiting for introductions. But Eren is a little caught on the fact that this "Lucy" knows his name. Something about this situation is not settling well with him. She's not Helen's twin or something, right? There's not going to be a repeat of the explosion that robbed Eren of his eye and leg, right?

"Eren Jaeger," he manages out with a smile. "But uh... I'm shocked that you knew my name."

"The officer called you 'Eren,'" Lucy tells him.

Oh... did they? Eren honestly can't recall. But there's no reason for her to lie to him. He's probably just nervous because she looks so much like a dead woman.

"And you're that Warrior thing," Jack adds, motioning at Eren's armband.

Right. Warrior Candidate. He can't believe he forgot about that.

"I'm taking a bit of a break," Eren says.

Jack glances at the crutch and doesn't ask more.

"Do you have any preference on what to get for lunch?" Lucy asks, mercifully changing the topic. "If not, there's this sandwich shop I rather like."

"We're going there again?" Jack groans.

The two of them talk like they've known each other for a long time. But in the same breath, it feels like there's a wall between them. Not quite in the sense that their relationship is a farce, but more like there's just a slightest bit of disconnect whenever they talk. Have they not seen each other in a while? No, that's not quite it. Eren can't quite put his finger on why their relationship bothers him so.

"You don't have to come," Lucy says.

There's just a bit of tenseness in Jack's form. Then he looks at the ground, an annoyed scowl on his face. "Can't do that," he mumbles.

And ah. That's what it is. Their relationship doesn't feel equal. Is it because she's an Eldian and he isn't? Eren feels like that makes the most amount of sense in his head. But at the end of the day, he doesn't really care all that much for their drama. The fact that he figured out this much just from observation is already prying too much into their lives. He would much rather forget about meeting these two and return home.

"Alright, I'll give this sandwich shop of yours a try," Eren says, turning the conversation away. The faster they finish their lunch, the faster he can go back, right?

Jack shoots him a grateful look that doesn't seem all that happy. Eren pretends he doesn't see it.

*

It's uncomfortable as hell. He should've realized that it'll be a Marleyan shop that they wanted to come inside of. And Eren may wear the armband of a Warrior Candidate, but that's all he is in the end. A Candidate. He isn't a Warrior. He isn't someone the Marleys will be comfortable seeing. How the hell can Lucy eat without a single care? Even Jack looks uncomfortable by the amount of stares they're getting.

"M-maybe we should to-go this," Jack mumbles.

Lucy raises an elegant brow at him, almost as if mocking him silently with that simple gesture. Jack drops his gaze to his food. Despite the fact that she's the one wearing the armband of an Eldian, he's the one who seems inferior to her.

"We're going to get the shop owners in trouble if we stay," Eren reasons.

Lucy looks unconcerned. "They're the ones who let us come inside and accepted our money. If it makes them that uncomfortable, they should speak up."

Although Eren understands where she's coming from, he feels like he won't be able to eat, just because of the sheer amount of stares they're receiving. He shouldn't have accepted this invitation for lunch. But in his defense, how was he supposed to know that they were going to go to a Marleyan shop? He thought they were going to eat something inside the hotel, hidden from anyone else's gazes.

"I'm done eating," he says, standing up.

"You haven't touched any of your food," Lucy points out.

Jack grabs Eren's arm to stop him from leaving. The look on his face seems to scream that if he's going to suffer, he'll make Eren suffer, too. Jeesh, aren't they some great companions?

"I forgot there's something I need to do. So if you'll excuse me," Eren says, pulling his arm free from Jack's grip.

"Thank you for today," Lucy calls out after him. "See you around."

He doesn't want to see them around ever again. But he gives them a polite smile anyways and waves.

*

There is indeed a small package from Zeke that has been clearly rifled through. Eren won't be shocked if the Marleyans already took some of the more expensive whatevers that Zeke sent. It makes him a bit depressed, but seeing that there's a small box of chocolates still intact (along with other smaller trinkets), he feels immediately better. There are six pieces of chocolates in the box. Eren can't wait to bring that home.

Ah, but because Zeke isn't home, that means a single chocolate will be left out. He wonders if he can use "his depression because Porco isn't here" as an excuse to eat two. Would that be too selfish?

It's not quite that he's lost in his thoughts. But he somehow didn't expect to run into someone's firm body. He could've sworn the path before him was empty. So why...

"Sorry about that," Eren says and...

It happens for just a second.

He thinks he's looking at Bertolt's sheepish smile.

"It's alright."

The illusion is ruined by the deep and soothing voice. It's no longer Bertolt smiling down at him. The person before him looks absolutely nothing like Bertolt, to be honest. He's much shorter and blonde, even if he has a good build to him. Not to mention Bertolt's nervous anxiety is nowhere to be found. This man exudes confidence and charm of a leader. But most importantly, this man does not have an Eldian armband on. Why the hell did Eren think of Bertolt?

"I-I'll watch where I'm going," Eren says quickly. "Please do forgive me."

He takes a step back when the man stops him by grabbing his arm. It's only then that he hears someone curse and dodge him behind him. If the man who is clearly not Bertolt didn't stop Eren, he probably would've bumped into someone else, huh? Damn it. What's wrong with him? Did he get so excited by the box of chocolates that he forgot just how dangerous the Marleyan side of Liberio is?

"Be careful," the man tells him with a charming smile.

"T-thank you," Eren manages.

Any other time and on any other person, that charming smile is probably something that will soothe the person receiving it. But Eren has met one too many snakes to believe in such a fake smile. Or perhaps it's the flash of Bertolt that he saw? It's making him feel more on edge than he normally would around a Marleyan. There's something in the back of his mind screaming at him to run. To get away. He doesn't understand exactly what it is that's giving him that vibe, but his instincts have never steered him wrong.

"I-I'll be on my way."

Eren tries to pull himself free from the grasp. He doesn't have an explanation for why the man's grip tightened around his arm for just a second. Then the man relaxes a bit with a small smile that seems confused. Like he himself doesn't know why he is gripping Eren like this. There's honest fear in Eren's heart. If he stays here any longer, he's certain he'll end up like Aunt Faye. Although the smiles on this man's face look genuine, Eren can't bring himself to trust them at all.

"Sorry about this," the man tells him.

But he doesn't make any move to let Eren go. If Eren were to pull his arm free, would he get in trouble? If he tries to run away, would he put his family in danger? Damn it. Damn it. Why the hell did this have to happen now?

"But while you're here, maybe you can answer a question for me. That armband color means you're a Warrior, correct?"

"Warrior Candidate, sir," Eren says.

The man nods seriously. "I haven't seen anyone else with different colored armbands. Where are all of them?"

There's something about that question that really bothers Eren. But he can't quite put his finger on it. It's an innocent enough question to ask, especially from someone not from Liberio. Who wouldn't want to come leer at the Warriors like animals in the zoo?

"In the frontlines, sir," Eren answers, knowing that if he doesn't, he could get in trouble later.

"Is that so?" the man asks, looking disappointed. Finally, he releases his grip on Eren's arm. "Any chance they'll be home any time soon?"

"That depends on how quickly the war ends."

The man nods. "I see. Thank you for your time."

Oh, thank god. It's a dismissal.

He doesn't have to stay here any longer. He can actually leave. He's not going to end up like Aunt Faye. He's going to be able to go home.

Eren feels the man's eyes stay trained on him until he leaves the area.

*

It's not until he's back in the interment zone that he realizes that he no longer has the box of chocolates. The rest of Zeke's package is still there, though. He decides that losing a box of chocolates is a cheap price to pay to escape that man. And if he doesn't mention it to the rest of the family, Zeke'll just assume that the Marleyans took the chocolates for themselves.

He isn't sure why he feels the need to hide this incident. But he gets this uncomfortable feeling in his chest when he thinks about telling his family what happened. He can't figure himself out. Is he ashamed for running away? But that was for the sake of preserving his own life. Why would he feel ashamed for that?

No, it's nothing that simple. It can't be. Otherwise, he would have already figured it out.

When is this stupid war going to be over? He desperately misses his brother and Porco.

*

For just a second, Eren actually considers asking Reiner about the circumstances of Bertolt's death. But then he changes his mind. Because Reiner has already reported that enough times, hasn't he? And if Eren wants to know more, he doubts Reiner will deviate from anything he's already told the Marleyans.

No, what he should consider is asking Pieck or Zeke for information. Or maybe even Porco. Porco wasn't there, but he did mention he was starting to see Ymir's memories. Maybe these three will be able to provide information that Reiner doesn't know about or didn't see.

The problem, of course, is bringing it up. It's not like he can send them a letter, since the Marleyans will check all of that. So he'll have to wait until one of them comes home. Zeke and Porco recently had their vacations, so they won't be coming back any time soon. And to his knowledge, Pieck doesn't take vacation days unless it's a holiday to see her dad. The likelihood of any of the three coming home soon is as likely as the Marleyans asking Eren to return to the frontlines.

He'll just forget about it. It can't be that important anyways.

Besides, it's not like he spends a lot of time outside of the interment zone now that he doesn't have to report into the headquarters every day. It's fine. It's going to be fine.

He wonders why he can't settle this feeling of unease.

*

A knock on the door in the morning interrupts their family breakfast.

Figuring it's a patient, Grisha goes to get the door. He returns relatively fast, a bit pale-faced but otherwise seemingly in good mood. In his hand is the box of chocolates from Zeke.

Eren feels a chill at the sight.

"A Public Security Authorities officer stopped by with this. Apparently, a Marleyan saw this fall out of the package yesterday, Eren. He gave it to the officers to return to us."

"O-oh. A Marleyan did?" Eren's grandma asks, sounding surprised.

Eren feels like he can see that charming smile of that man and shudders. He puts down his fork and reaches for his crutch.

"I'm... going to take a walk."

"You don't want a chocolate?" Carla asks.

Eren shakes his head and leaves.

*

He misses Porco.

He misses having someone by his side that can help take his mind off of things. Someone who can easily kick Eren and get him to stop worrying about every little thing. Who cares about that man and whether or not the box of chocolates were returned? What matters is that they're back, isn't it? In fact, he should be thankful to the man for getting the chocolates back. So why does he feel so damned uneasy?

"Eren!"

He glances up at the sound of his name and is surprised to find Lucy inside the internment zone. He thought for sure that she'd stay with Jack outside in the Marleyan part of Liberio. Perhaps she got caught by the Public Security Authorities officers and was forcibly brought back in here?

"Hey," he says as greeting when she approaches him.

"Walk with me."

The words of protests are halfway out of his mouth when he stops himself. Isn't this a good excuse? He can take this time to calm down. Returning home right now will just make his family worried anyways. So he'll just take a few seconds to take some deep breaths. Surely by the time he returns home, he'll be feeling much better?

"Alright."

*

"I'm surprised to see you without your guard. What was it now? Jea-Jack?"

She scoffs. "I ran away."

Hey, should she really be running off like that on a whim? Jack looked really panicked yesterday when she did that. Then again, it's not like it's any of his business whether she runs off or not.

"Do you like living here?" she asks suddenly.

Eren blinks. "I guess? It's where I grew up, so I'm comfortable here."

"Have you ever considered moving anywhere else?"

Hah. That sounds easy in theory. But for Eldians, Liberio is probably the best as it gets. He doesn't know if it's because the Warrior Headquarter is right there. But they really are allowed to get away with a lot more than any other locations Eren has been to.

"Not particularly, no."

Lucy looks a bit disappointed.

It's annoying. What the hell does it matter whether he wants to move somewhere else or not? This is where he grew up. This is where all of his memories of childhood reside. Why would he want to leave it behind?

"Well, what about you? It's clear you're not from around here. Why are you traveling?"

There's a look on her face that makes it clear she hates this question. He thought she'll dismiss it, but she forces herself to answer it, surprising him.

"There's something I have to do. And that required me leaving... To be honest, I didn't like it all that much where I was. But being here now, it makes me quite homesick. Perhaps I liked that place more than I first realized."

"Can you not return there anymore?"

If so, is that because of the current war happening? Did the Warrior Division accidentally cut her off from her home? Is that why she came to Liberio? But that still leaves the question of why she travels with those who are not Eldians... Unless... She did have her armband on wrong when he first met him. What if these guys just aren't used to wearing armbands...? N-not used to...?

Lucy's smile is grim. "Something like that."

He winces. Should he apologize? Or is it better to stay silent? It's not like the Warrior Division went out of their way to start this war. But at the end of the day, it is the Warrior Division that caused the destruction left behind.

"But it's alright," Lucy continues. "If this works out, I should be able to see her again."

"... Her?"

She smiles brightly, giggling like she knows a delightful secret. Whoever this "her" is, she must be important to Lucy. Eren feels like he understands how she feels, just a bit. Because he also feels just as giddy when he thinks of Porco.

He sees the looming gate before them and stops.

"You should know your way back from here, right? Then I better return before my-"

He recognizes that flash of light that shines from back where they came from. But that's impossible. Why would there be a flash of light? The only time those kind of flashes appear is when a Warrior shifts or...

Or Marley releases bunch of pure titans.

Someone grabs him by the arm to stop him from going towards the flash of light. He glances back at Lucy, who shakes her head.

"You... don't want to go there."

But she doesn't understand.

If that flash of light came from where they came from, then...

His family...

And that's when the explosions begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am happy for you two, I really am," Zeke says. 
> 
> Porco doesn't point out that he sounds like he's trying to convince himself. He doesn't think that's a smart idea right now.
> 
> "I'm just very confused because I thought he liked Reiner."
> 
> Is he allowed to talk about the whole situation about Eren being a spy? Well, that should really be something that Eren shares with the group, right? He shouldn't intrude more than he already has.
> 
> "You'll have to ask him for the details, since I don't fell comfortable speaking for him. But you can rest assure he never liked Reiner. The only one he liked is Marcel and me... Heh. I suppose you can say it's the Galliard charm."
> 
> Zeke stares at Porco for a second longer before he sighs. "Maybe it's not too late to change Eren's mind. I think Reiner is a great choice."
> 
> "W-what the hell's that supposed to mean?!"
> 
> "Heh. That was a joke, Porco." Zeke pats Porco's shoulder with a self-satisfied chuckle. "Welcome to the family!"
> 
> Somehow, those words don't seem very comforting nor welcoming.
> 
> *
> 
> "What are these?" Hange asks, picking up one of the chocolates from the box. She sniffs one and grins. "They smell pretty sweet. Where did you get these, Erwin?"
> 
> "A rather cute cat dropped it on the ground," Erwin answers with a smile.
> 
> Hange glances at the empty syringe by Erwin's side with a knowing look. She puts the chocolate back in the box without any prompt.
> 
> "What if no one eats these? Wouldn't that be a waste of spinal fluid? It was so painful to extract it to begin with." 
> 
> She keeps her voice light like she's talking of a joke. Recently, she's been doing that a lot. So there are things that can still shake her, even after everything that happened. Does she disagree with him? With his methods? But she must be unable to think up with anything aside from what Erwin already has. Otherwise, she would have spoken up against it.
> 
> Erwin closes the box of chocolates and redoes the bow. "It's fine if they don't eat it. We still have plenty of other weapons. I just thought this would make a... rather romantic return gift."
> 
> "What are you going to do if our target eats them instead?"
> 
> "Come now, Hange. You know me. I have it all figured out."


	23. our hopes for each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But you know, I'm kind of shocked that you didn't fight harder, Reiner," Zeke mentions lightly after a briefing with Magath about their next mission. "You looked like you were smitten with Eren."
> 
> Porco's head snaps up. He finds himself glaring at Reiner, who seems to be doing everything he can to not look in Porco's direction.
> 
> "I... want Eren to be happy," Reiner mumbles as he blushes at his food. 
> 
> Ugh. Look at this guy, pretending like he's important when Eren's heart was always for Porco. Well, okay. Maybe not "always," since Marcel was important, too. But Eren loves Porco. That's what matters right now.
> 
> Almost as if he can read Porco's mind, Colt elbows him. 
> 
> "It's probably better this way. No matter who likes him, Eren will just go off and do his own thing. At least Porco will be able to keep up with him instead being dragged around like Reiner would be," Pieck says lightly.
> 
> Porco didn't realize that Pieck thought so highly of him. His lips twitch into a grin before he can stop himself. Colt gives him an exasperated look. Shut up. Stop reading Porco's mind.
> 
> "But doesn't that mean that we'll be the ones who have to clean up the mess behind them?" Colt points out as if to get back at Porco.
> 
> There's a slight pause as if Pieck didn't think about that. Slowly, she turns to Reiner with a sheepish smile.
> 
> "M-maybe I spoke too soon. Reiner, are you sure you don't want to-"
> 
> "You guys all suck!" Porco snaps.
> 
> They all laugh (except for Reiner, who is still doing his best to not look towards Porco). 
> 
> "We're kidding, of course," Pieck says as if Porco can believe her.
> 
> Colt nods. "As long as you two are happy, we'll support you."
> 
> "But if you dare hurt Eren," Zeke stops the threat there. After all, this threat has always been the same whether Eren was dating someone or not. 
> 
> Porco sighs. As always, everyone is a pain. But he will be lying if he said he regrets telling them.

His ears are ringing.

Slowly, Eren pushes himself upright, wondering when he fell down. He spots his crutch a bit of ways from himself and reaches for it.

Then and only then does he registers the sound.

Mass panic and hysteria accentuate the crashes all around them. It's no longer just the explosions now. The buildings crumble and fall, raining rubble down on the masses below. Some of the older, wooden buildings have caught on fire. The smoke and stench add to the chaos before him.

Someone grabs Eren's crutch and puts it in his hand. Then they help Eren to his foot. The Marleyan gatekeeper grabs Eren by the shoulders and looks him in the eyes, desperation and panic clear on that aged face.

"Eren, did Commander Magath say anything about a drill?"

A drill, huh? As if this kind of destruction can be attributed to that. Not to mention the flash of light Eren saw earlier... Hah, he'd sell his soul for the confirmation that this is a drill.

"This isn't a drill. We're being attacked."

Eren surprises himself by how calm he feels. Ah, he realizes. He must be in shock. It isn't that he's calm. He's numb. The destruction and chaos before him registers as something that is happening and as something he needs to take care of. Already, he has a list of perpetrators as well as a list of priorities that he needs to focus on. But his brain seems to have blocked out any emotional response.

How lucky.

"First thing first, we need to get this information to the Warrior Division."

To be honest, his own first thing is actually getting as many people as he can out of here and to somewhere safer. But there's no way the gatekeeper will agree to that kind of a demand. It's frustrating, but it'll be for the best that he comes with a strategy on how to trick the Marleyans into letting everyone out.

The gatekeeper nods. He starts helping Eren towards the gate of the interment zone, yelling at the Eldians gathered there to make way. The others immediately does so once they see Eren. The other Marleyans nervously look at the two of them while discreetly glancing at the increasing destruction around them.

"Send a runner to the Warrior Headquarter," the gatekeeper commands to the others. "This is an emergency, not a drill. We are under attack, and we need the Warrior Division home."

As soon as he finishes, one of the Marleyan officers run off to do as commanded. Then the gatekeeper falters and turns to Eren. The others, seeing that, follows his gaze to Eren, awaiting further instructions. If the situation wasn't what it was, Eren would have laughed at the irony.

"Open this gate," Eren says, just to test the waters.

He expected complaints. He thought for sure the Marleyans will scowl at him and tell him to take a hike. He doesn't expect them to hurry to open the gate.

... If only he could have this kind of power on a daily basis.

"Listen up," he tells everyone else gathered. "Get as many people as you can to the Warrior Headquarters. We'll use that as the basis of operations. There's an underground bunker we can use. Take the children, the elderlies, and the injured there. If you are able-bodied, help people get there. It doesn't matter if they're Eldian or not, keeping people safe comes first. And if you don't mind the thought of getting your hands dirty, grab weapons to fight."

With that figured out, he turns back towards where the flash of light came from. He knows better than to believe that his family will be okay. But there's a part of him that clings to hope.

Someone grabs his arm to get his attention.

"Eren, aren't you coming with us?"

Lucy looks curious more so than worried. Does she not realize the situation that they're in right now? Or is this more of a desensitization of losing her home once before?

"This is just a fraction of people who live here. I'm going to pass the word along to everyone else I can."

She nods and releases his arm. "Then I'll come with you."

"Don't be silly. You should go with everyone to safety."

"And if you meet someone who needs to be physically moved, how exactly are you going to do that with your crutch?"

Although Eren understands what she's getting at, he's of the opinion that her build is much too small to be of any help either.

"We'll help," comes the surprising resolution of the other able-bodied Eldians. "It'll be easier if we all work in pairs and split up. Cover more ground that way, you know?"

The people who had been anxious to run out of the gates are volunteering to come back. Eren appreciates it more than they would probably realize.

"Thank you."

Now he can focus on his family.

*

It's hot.

The fire becomes thicker the further he goes in, but that's all he registers of it. Rather, that's all he can register. Because he doesn't have time nor resources to allocate any more of himself to the fire or the explosions or the destruction. Right now, all his focus is on his goal.

The familiar streets are twisted with fire and debris. But he can't slow down to mourn the loss of his childhood, the loss of everything that he came to treasure. He'll do that properly once he has accomplished his goal. But until then, he can't allow himself to become distracted.

Faster, he begs his leg. Faster, he begs his arm clutching the crutch. Everyone in his family will doubtlessly be rushing to try and get people out of this danger, disregarding their own lives. He needs to hurry in case they're in trouble. Not to mention that flash of light from before is still worrying him.

"Eren, watch your step," Lucy warns.

The warning comes just in time. Eren barely dodges a piece of rubble on the ground that he might have tripped on in his haste.

"Thanks," he manages.

"You... probably don't want me to ask, but... is your home in this direction?"

Eren finds his lips stretching into a humorless smile. "Yeah. Petty, isn't it? Everyone is injured and worried about their families. And instead of doing my duty as a Warrior Candidate to get them all to safety, I'm more concerned about my family."

"There's nothing wrong with that. If... those I loved were in the direction of hell, I'd also march into it," Lucy says.

"Are you close to your family?" he finds himself asking as they dodge the debris.

Lucy makes a face that seems to say that it's complicated.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"It's not that. It's... My family wasn't... exactly the most welcoming bunch. Not that I blame them, mind you. My dad cheated on his wife, and I was the result. But you can't have that kind of reputation, right? What would the neighbors think? So I was sent far away. The woman who ended up taking care of me felt more like a mom than my own mom."

"Family or not, having someone you are willing to walk through hell for is good. It means you are kind enough to let someone touch your heart."

It's something that Carla told Zeke when they were younger. Eren overheard it and never forgot. Funny the things he's thinking of suddenly in the middle of this crisis.

She surprises him by laughing. "My, I didn't take you for a sentimentalist!"

"Oh, shut it."

The two exchange grins and return their attention to the task at hand. And so quietly that Eren believes that he imagined it, Lucy whispers, "Thank you."

*

The smoke is thick in the air, making his eye sting. The visibility is bad as it is, but with just one eye, he fears that he might have missed someone who can't call out for help. Lucy stays a few steps behind him, quite possibly to keep an eye out for danger while giving him some space to work his crutch.

There are fewer people they meet the further they go in. Eren wants to take that as a positive sign that these people have gotten out, but he can't quite bring himself to believe it. His luck isn't that good.

Between the lack of visibility and the intermittent shakes of the world caused by distant explosions, Eren probably would have missed that crying child if Lucy wasn't here with him.

"Hey, I know you're worried about your family, but there's a kid in that building."

It takes him a second to see the small girl, wailing at the top of her lungs as she desperately hits the window. Eren's family will understand if he explains that he had to stop to help a kid. At least, he'll receive a scolding from everyone if he doesn't stop to help.

"Thanks for pointing her out. I would've missed her otherwise."

Lucy looks relieved. Did she think he would ignore a child in this situation? Then again, it's not like they know each other well enough. He should just feel glad that she's not the type of person to ignore a crying child who clearly needs help.

The two of them make their way to the building. The kid brightens at the sight of them and obeys without question when Eren motions for her to get away from the window. As soon as he's sure that she's at a safe enough distance, he raises his crutch and shatters the window.

"M-my mom!" the girl chokes out, pointing behind herself. "S-she's not getting up!"

Eren takes his crutch and make sure to get rid of all glass shards in the window edge so that they can climb in. Once he finishes, though, Lucy stops him.

"You won't be able to help her mom with your leg like that. Wait out here."

Without waiting for his answer, she climbs into the building through the window. Then she picks up the kid and passes her to Eren.

"I'm going to get your mom out, so you don't have to worry, okay?" Lucy says.

The kid looks like she wants to protest but then decides to trust Lucy. She nods firmly and clings tightly to Eren. After a second's pause, she notices Eren's armband.

"You're a Warrior Candidate?" she asks, her voice filled with hope.

"Yeah, that's right. So you don't have to worry. We're going to save you and your mom," Eren says, hoping against hope that they will be able to turn this uncertainty into reality. And in an effort to distract her from worries and the destruction, he asks, "What's your name?"

"I'm Maxi. What about you?"

"Eren. I help out at the Jaeger Clinic."

"Oh, I know you!" the kid says excitedly. "Mom says you're a hero!"

Hah. What a bitter thought. What kind of a hero can't even save a little girl and her mom?

"And... you're always kissing Mr. Galliard."

Eren chokes. T-that's right. He and Porco haven't exactly been discreet about hiding their affection for each other in public, have they? But to be called out like this by a small child, especially in this kind of situation, is really...

"Is he fighting the titans right now?"

... Huh?

"W-what do you mean?" Eren asks, feeling his throat slowly close up.

"There are titans walking around. We were hiding from them when the fire started. Is... is he not fighting them?"

T-titans walking around? Titans, like pure titans? Or more like shifters? All of their shifters should currently be on the frontlines, so she has to mean pure titans, right? So that flash of light he saw was really... But that still brings up the question of why. Did someone accidentally release them in the middle of the interment zone? But that doesn't account for the explosions. There has to be something more to this. He feels like it's almost at the tip of his tongue. This situation right now, isn't this-

"I'm back!" Lucy yells, interrupting his train of thought.

She half-drags and half-carries an unconscious woman towards the window. Eren puts Maxi down to help getting the woman outside of the building. Then Lucy jumps out.

"Hey," he tells her seriously, "can you take Maxi here and her mom to safety?"

Lucy glances at him with a knowing expression. For just a second, he fears that she'll insist that they all head towards safety. But then she must have understood how he felt, because she nods.

"Don't die," she whispers.

"Heroes don't die," Maxi tells the two of them proudly.

Lucy shoots Eren an amused look.

"You heard her. I won't die," Eren says lightly.

"Yeah, I know. Neither of us will die here."

Hah. Is she bossing their fate around as well?

Lucy moves to support the woman and smiles at Maxi. Eren takes that as his sign to go his way, too. He begins his trek towards the Jaeger Clinic again when his ears pick up their light talk.

"So your name is Maxi? That's really cute."

"Thank you! What's your name?"

"Mine...? It's His-"

Whatever else Lucy might have said, it's lost to Eren.

He comes face-to-face with a titan that looks quite like his grandpa.

*

Damn it. Damn it.

This isn't fair. This isn't right. This has to be some kind of a sick joke, right?

He can't breath.

The smoke and fire all around him make it impossible to register anything but his grief. There's a lump in his throat that won't go away. His eyes water, whether due to the smoke or his own overwhelming emotions, he doesn't know. The only thing he registers is that it's much too hot.

Please, please. Let this just be a dream. Please, please. Let this just be a joke.

Please...

The titan stares at him for a second longer before shifting his attention to something beyond him. Eren doesn't have to turn to look to know that the titan is ignoring him for three meals. Even if his life is safe, that means nothing if it's in exchange for others'.

"Grandpa! D-don't you think I'll be more filling than those people?"

Slowly, the titan turns its attention back to him. That's right. Come after Eren. He'll use his crutch to knock out the titan's eye when he's close enough. That's really all he can do in this situation where he has no other weapon. This just has to work.

His grandpa's eyes look sad on that titan. Or maybe that's just Eren projecting? The titan's hand comes towards him. And...

"Got you!"

The nape of his grandpa's titan explodes, flinging flesh and blood everywhere. But as all titan corpses do, all of it disappears into the air as nothing but smoke. There isn't even a trace of his grandpa left behind. Eren can't quite decide if that's a good thing.

"Are you alright?" asks the one who, in one second, both saved Eren and killed his grandpa.

It's a young man about Eren's age that he has never met before. He has short black hair and freckles on his face. There's a slight panicked look on him like he's a second away from apologizing. Like he's guilty about something.

He lands in front of Eren and retracts what looks like grappling hooks back into its holster. The outfit this man is wearing is different from the ones that Reiner and Zeke described. The weapon the man holds is different from the ones that was described or brought home by Zeke. Technological advancement, it appears, has graced itself to all of Marley's enemies.

"How... many titans have you killed?" Eren asks.

"My squad has discovered and killed three."

Three...? If this was a massive release of titan spinal fluid, then there should be more pure titans around. The way the man worded it is important. He said his team discovered and killed three. That means there was a total of three titans about, which is way too few. Then more likely, there was something that...

Oh.

The chocolates.

That's right. If he takes a step back and thinks about it, it makes no sense that the Marleys would have returned the chocolates that they found on the ground. They would have eaten it themselves without a second thought. And seeing the soldier in front of him right now (and remembering the man who felt like Bertolt and Lucy's true name), it's only obvious what all happened.

The attackers are Eldians from Paradis.

Wait.

If it really was the chocolates, then shouldn't there be four titans? Unless one of his family members didn't eat one? Then did they die, suddenly surrounded by three titans? Was that person the first victim?

Almost as soon as these questions form in his head, he receives the answer in the form of a giant hand slapping down.

The man who was standing before him is gripped tightly in that hand. And Eren watches in disbelief as the titan who looks uncomfortably similar to his mom opens its mouth to eat that man.

"Stop! Don't! If you do that, you can't ever take it back!" Eren shouts.

The titan stops and glances at him. Eren can't tell if it understood, but this is a good sign, right? Carla's eyes stay settled on Eren for a beat longer. Then the titan puts the man back down on the ground next to Eren. It walks away, heading towards one of the many buildings on fire.

Eren doesn't know if that'll be enough to kill a titan, but he understands his mom's decision. And if this man's squad is really around, then they'll probably make sure that his mom doesn't do anything she will regret.

To their knowledge, there is no way to turn a pure titan back into human without eating a shifter (There is a theory that the Founding Titan might be able to undo this, but it's not quite like they have a spare Founding Titan around to test). And as of now, their shifters are too far away. And even if she could, he doesn't think she would want to live stolen 13 years.

Slowly, he turns his attention back to the man, who seems to be unconscious.

Eren has a choice.

Abandon this man - It's a fair enough option. It's not like anyone would realize he could've saved him. Besides, does he really owe the man who killed his grandpa and is on the same side as the people who turned his family into pure titans? If Eren just left him, his squad will eventually come and save him. He doesn't have to do anything. The only problem with this is his own feelings of guilt.

Find someone to come help him carry this man - But while he's gone, would this man survive? More importantly, can he really convince others to save someone who is objectively their enemy? What if the titan that looks like his mom comes back and eats this man in the meanwhile?

Use the man's weapons to fly out of here - He... He's tempted, to be honest. It sounded like something out of a fantasy book when Reiner first reported about it. But he just saw this man use it to kill a titan and land in front of him. Assuming it wasn't damaged when the titan that looked like his mom grabbed him, Eren should be able to use it, right? No, no. Even if it works, there's no guarantee that Eren would be able to use it without training.

Drag this man to safety - Seeing that he crossed off all the other options, this is really the only thing left to do.

But...

He glances down at his leg. Lucy... Oh, right. That's not actually her name, is it? He should call her by her real name.

Historia was right when she said he'll need help.

It's a struggle to bend down low enough to support the man on his shoulder. Don't even get him started on how hard it is to find balance on his single leg. But he has the man supported by his body. All that's left is to navigate through this mess and return towards the gates.

Ahhh, this is going to be such a pain.

*

"Eren! We were told you were in this direction. Do you need any... Who is that?"

Perfect timing. Eren doesn't have to worry if his own body is going to make it to the gate. But first, he's going to have to quell that look of worry on their faces.

"It's our enemy," Eren tells them simply. "Or rather, one of their soldiers. I doubt having him hostage will grant us anything, but he should be able to give us valuable information."

"We should kill him. He's the reason why our homes-"

Eren shakes his head firmly, figuring this will make them angry. But more so than anger, it's dissatisfaction on their faces. Dissatisfaction and pleading. They're taking his word as law. What a strange position to be in.

"And if it turns out that they planted bombs somewhere else? If it turns out that they've already cut the landlines so we can't contact the Warrior Division? If it turns out that we can't barter his life, we at least will be able to get information about this situation. Right now, we're running around blind. It's unpleasant."

"Once... you get all the information you need, will you hand him over to us?"

Eren nods. "No problem."

That seems to mollify them for now. That's good. He really doesn't want to stay here any longer to discuss this.

"How many others have you found on the way to me?" he asks as he hands the man over so he can focus on his crutch.

"I think we've evacuated everyone that's easily findable. Everyone else is probably buried under the rubble or... d-dead."

Eren nods. "How are things outside of the gate? Do any of you know?"

That makes the others pause. Ah, so they don't know about the state of the rest of Liberio.

"Our enemy has the ability to fly around. They dropped explosions on us inside the interment zone, but there's no guarantee that they haven't dropped them outside as well. It's possible that the same kind of destruction awaits us outside of these gates."

"H-huh? B-but they're Marleyans and we're Eldians...? W-why would they... a-attack both?"

"To them, the enemy is the enemy. According to Reiner, they don't even know the difference between Eldians and Marleyans. So most likely, they believe anyone outside of their island to be... What? Why are you making those faces?"

"A-are our enemy f-from... Paradis?"

Oh, did Eren forget to mention that part?

"Those damned devils from that island are attacking us? We should have wiped them out when we had the chance! How dare they?"

Are they just going to ignore the part where only Reiner made it back from the original team sent to that island? That's underestimating the people on that island too much. Even if it was just a pure titan that acted on instinct, that island killed Marcel. Looking down on them isn't an option. The hellfire scene before them right now should be proof enough.

"Save that anger for later," Eren advises them. "We need to get out of here first."

He glances over at the man who shifted slightly. He's awake, isn't he? But he must prioritize survival, because he doesn't let the rest of them know. That's fine. Eren isn't so heartless that he'll reveal it. They can get answers once they're some place relatively safer than this.

*

Ah, it's just as he feared.

There wasn't much of a difference between opening the gates and not. In fact, he wonders if it might have been much better to have left the gate closed. Because out here, the Tybur Family's War Hammer Titan is wrestling against the Female Titan and other flying soldiers of Paradis.

From where he is, he can't quite make out all the details of the Female Titan to assure himself that it is Annie. To be honest, he's not sure if that's a good thing or not. Does he want it to be Annie who has betrayed them? Or is it better for Annie to have been eaten by their enemy?

"Head for the Warrior Headquarter for now," he says.

But he's not even sure if that place is safe.

*

It's probably not safe, but the Eldians that Eren sent out seem to have made camp here anyways. Eren probably should have thought of a safer place, but in this hell they're in right now, he doubts there's such a place. At the very least, if he was the one attacking, he would hit all the military bases like this one and hospitals first. Thinking of it like that, he's kind of shocked that the Warrior Headquarter is (partially) still standing.

"W-we found some weapons. But we're not too sure if it'll help..."

They don't have to mention the titans fighting for Eren to know what they mean.

"How's the space for everyone? It's tight, isn't it?" he asks, mentally wincing when he spots how crowded this place has become.

"It might have worked if it was just the injured, but..." They lower their voices. "Those damned Marleyans started showing up to demand treatment as well. We know you don't want us to turn them away, but they're being really annoying and pushy."

Shit. Right. The Marleyans.

They really should have stayed within the interment zone, but it's too late to think like that right now, is it? He should have thought this through from the beginning. Damn it. Why the hell wasn't he blessed with Zeke's strategic mind? If he was even a fraction of smart that his brother (or even Marcel) was, then wouldn't this be much easier?

"Thank you for doing that. How are the medical supplies holding? I imagine there wasn't too much in this building."

"T-there's some... b-but you're not thinking of giving some to... that enemy soldier, are you?"

Eren glances at the man. "He doesn't need any. No worries. I was wondering if the hospitals might be standing for us to get some supplies there."

"We'll go check."

"Thank you."

Alright. The supplies for medicine is being looked into. He should check to see if the river is drinkable. Then there's the matter of injured Marleyans. There really isn't enough space to house both Eldians and Marleyans here. But it's not like he can turn people away when they're asking for help. More importantly, if they're all gathered in one spot like this, would the enemy take this as their chance to get rid of all of them at once? It's possible that once the War Hammer goes down, the attention will fall to this spot. And from the sounds that they can hear from here, it seems that their War Hammer is losing. The Paradis Eldians probably brought that monster with them.

Eren nudges the man with his crutch.

"Hey, is there any sign of surrender that your people understand? White sheets? Red crosses? Something that lets them know that we're not a threat, and we won't fight back? Hell, it can even be something that says we surrender. I just want to keep everyone here safe."

The others around who heard him rush over with protests, but Eren stops them with a glare. He nudges the man again.

"I know you're awake. Answer me."

Brown eyes look up at Eren warily. "White sheets. But there's no guarantee that they'll abide by it."

That's fair. Eren nods and then turns to the rest of the people gathered.

"Find white sheets and put it up. Make it as obvious as possible all around this Headquarter. We're here to save as many people as we can. Not to start a fight."

"B-but he said they won't abide by it!" comes the protest.

Eren nods. "So because of that, we should just let the enemy kill us without trying anything?"

There's a moment's hesitation before they run off to do as he asked. Good. Next, water. He needs to-

"Hey, why did you save me?"

Eren glances at the man who slowly sits up to stare at Eren. The guilt from before seems to have been replaced by curiosity. Eren wishes he'll go back to pretending to be asleep so he can figure out their situation. But he supposes he'll have to push that back for now.

"I can ask you the same thing. You didn't have to save me from that titan. But you did."

"But that's because I disagreed with our Commander's order. Using... what do you call them?"

"Pure titans?"

"Ah, right. Pure titans. I... don't believe people should be turned into titans against their will to be used as weapons."

At the very least, this man's moral compass lines up with Eren's. But what good is that when both of them are too powerless to do anything about it? As long as those at the top find pure titans useful, their families and neighbors will always be targets. And that's not to say anything about overhearing Zeke's sobs through the bathroom door without knowing how to help his brother after those kinds of missions. 

"Your turn," the man says. "Why did you save me?"

"Info. And possibly barter your life away for everyone's here."

The man stares at Eren for a beat longer. "Alright. Let's say that that's why you saved me. Then why are you saving Marleyans? Eldians have lived their whole life under their rule. This is the chance to get rid of them. Why not take that opportunity?"

"Too much thinking," Eren says, waving his hand. "We're in a crisis right now. Everyone's priority should be saving as many people as they can. Marleyans? Eldians? Who the hell cares? That part of the argument can come once there are people alive enough to fight."

"You're so-"

"Eren! I heard you're back..."

Historia pauses when she spots the man on the ground. Her expression becomes stiff as the man's eyes flash in realization. That's clear anger in his form, but he seems to be quite good at holding it in. Eren would be impressed if things weren't so dire right now.

"Great timing, 'Lucy.' We were just about to discuss you."

She seems to understand exactly what Eren means by those words, because she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Then she faces Eren not as "Lucy," a random girl off the street, but as "Historia Reiss," the holder of the Attack Titan.

"How did you know?" she asks sharply.

"You literally said your name to Maxi," he points out.

There's a small pause as her cheeks go pink. "Y-you heard?!"

"More importantly..." Eren points his crutch at the man. "How much do you care about me killing this guy?"

"Y-you won't do that. He's... t-too useful with his... uh..." She stares blankly at the man. "Marco, what are you good at?"

"Are you... seriously asking me? We trained together for... for three years! Why don't you know this?" the man exclaims.

Historia shrugs. "I didn't pay attention."

"Hey Lucy, don't go running off on your..." Jack pauses when he sees the situation before him.

He glances at the man on the ground (Marco, is it?), then at Lucy, then at Eren. Annoyance is clear on his face as he seems to be thinking of how to get out of this situation. Eren should probably make it easier for him.

"I want to protect the people gathered here. If that means I have to kill him or you, Jack, I will."

"Oh, you're not going to aim for me?" Historia asks, sounding surprised.

"You have the Attack Titan. It's a pain to kill titan shifters."

Jack does a double-take. He gives Historia a look that clearly says that he's super frustrated with her right now. Then he turns to Eren with sincere seriousness that makes Eren believe whatever he's about to say is the truth.

"If it's just the matter of protecting the people here, there's something easier you can do. In fact, if you do this, all of our forces will pull out of Liberio. No need to kill anyone else."

That sounds too good to be true. Eren can't believe that at all.

"Until I hear it from someone in command of the military, I can't trust those words," Eren says.

Jack nods. "Fair enough. Want to meet Commander Erwin?"

"What? Are you just going to summon him from a magic circle?"

"Close."

With that, Jack takes out a flare gun and fires a bright red smoke into the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What's this?" Porco asks when Pieck hands him a book on languages. "I don't really care about learning new languages."
> 
> She just winks and laughs to herself as if she knows something that he doesn't. Then she waves and leaves, looking far too satisfied by something. This is suspicious beyond reason. 
> 
> Hesitantly, he opens the book and quickly slams it shut. His cheeks are burning red, isn't it? Damn it. Damn it. What the actual hell, Pieck? Why does she have a detailed photo book a-about... m-males having s-s-sex?! And... if it's disguised as a language-learning book... d-doesn't that mean that all this time when they thought she was being studious, she was actually reading...?
> 
> "Oh, are you going to start learning languages, too?" Udo asks when he sees the book.
> 
> This can only end badly if Porco doesn't cut it off now.
> 
> "N-no. I-I'm... h-h-holding this for Pieck."
> 
> He's going to return this book right away... After he flips through it a bit. Y-you know. Just in case he can learn some cool tips or whatever.
> 
> He can't wait to see Eren again.
> 
> *
> 
> The War Hammer Titan finally falls under the combined might of Levi's Squad and Hange's (Having the ability to turn into titans sure is a powerful tool). 
> 
> Erwin himself personally took care of the harbor. And they made sure to cut any kind of communication Liberio wanted to send out before starting the attack. The Warrior Division won't know of this until they see it in the news at least. Ah, what a shame Erwin won't be there to see the look of despair on that Beast's face.
> 
> The only hiccup they've come across with their plan is that Historia is missing again. But in this kind of destruction, what can she possibly do? She's standing among those who killed her beloved, but she has yet to transform. That already tells Erwin plenty of her intentions. Besides, whether she wants to stay behind here while the rest of them finishes waging this war or come with them as a silent observer, it doesn't impact Erwin's plans much. Rather, he would prefer that she stay hidden than get in their way. This would have been easier if she just quietly stayed behind.
> 
> "Commander Erwin, the red smoke signal went up."
> 
> Looks like their target has been found and is ready to negotiate. Erwin didn't think that this plan would end up going this smoothly. If he knew, he would've done more than fill chocolates with the titan serum. It seems like a wasted opportunity. Then again, it's not like the Beast is here to suffer personally.
> 
> "Alright. All troops, give Levi and Hange Squads a hand in detaining the titan shifter. Remember, that person is our insurance for if something goes wrong. It's fine if they don't have limbs as long as they can no longer shift. My squad, we're going to go pick up our target."
> 
> "What about our Queen, sir?" 
> 
> Erwin grimaces. "If she wishes to come with us, she will have to come find us. If she'd rather play hide and seek, then we leave her behind."
> 
> That's relief in his men's eyes. As he suspected. Historia makes them nervous. Well, no matter. Right now, the target comes first.
> 
> Eren Jaeger, huh? 
> 
> Let's see what the Beast's little brother is like.


	24. our wishes for each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If I step back and think about it, it was so obvious," Colt mumbles, shaking his head. 
> 
> "What was?" Porco asks. 
> 
> "That you two love each other."
> 
> Porco makes a face. "It was not obvious! We were both really shocked when we realized it!"
> 
> "You literally asked Eren to marry you."
> 
> "T-that was a joke! We joke about getting married all the time! I... I mean, it's not really a joke anymore, b-but-"
> 
> Colt rolls his eyes. "You two are so dense. No wonder it took you two this long... Actually, the real shock is that you two managed to figure it out at all. With how you two are, it should have taken you at least forty more years to figure out your feelings."
> 
> "Take that back!" Porco snaps. "We figured it out really fast, didn't we? We are not that dense. We are not that slow."
> 
> But if he thinks about it, if it hadn't been for all the craziness that has happened in their lives, the two of them probably would have lived contently without ever realizing how good it feels to be with one another. In that sense, he supposes this war wasn't just a mess of tragedies... He probably should never voice that out loud.
> 
> "So... you're thinking of marriage, huh?" Colt asks suddenly with a wide grin.
> 
> "You'll be my best man, right?"
> 
> Colt pretends to think about it. "I don't know... Eren kicks me less."
> 
> "Hey!"
> 
> His friend laughs at the offended look on Porco's face, letting him know that it's all in good fun. Porco knows that, he does. It's just damned annoying that everyone seems to go out of their way to tease him like this. Just a little, he dreads how terribly these guys are going to tease Porco and Eren when they all reunite. But his want of seeing Eren again outweighs that dread by a thousandfold.
> 
> "Don't talk too loudly about marriage, though. Zeke might actually burst into tears," Colt says lightly.
> 
> "He's the one who welcomed me to the family. He doesn't get to take that back!"
> 
> Colt laughs. "Let's finish this war fast. Weddings are best held as a celebration of the end of a war, don't you think?"
> 
> Porco definitely can't see a flaw in that logic. 
> 
> A wedding, huh? He'll definitely make Eren the happiest person in the world.

_"He was terrifyingly charasmatic. If he gave the order, many gladly threw their lives away, believing that they were fighting for the good of humanity. Due to circumstances, I never met him personally. That... was probably a good thing. If we had met, I think he might have been able to convince us to switch sides. He's that kind of a man."_

When Reiner reported that about the man known as "Commander Erwin Smith," Zeke had a traumatized look like he was relieving something painful. Then quietly, he reported his brush with that Commander.

_"That man led a suicidal charge against me. I... honestly believed that he had given up and had convinced his men to all die in front of a might that they couldn't win against. But he had something else planned. In exchange for the lives of everyone following him, he almost killed me... He is the second person I never want to face against again."_

_"You didn't kill him?"_ Magath demanded, his voice thick with accusation.

Zeke's laugh sounded bitter. Bitter and angry. _"I tried. But who knows if he actually died under that volley of rocks. If fortune is on our side, he did."_

_"And if not?"_

_"Then..."_

The man that scared Zeke that much stands before Eren with a charming smile of a kind leader. And really, Eren should have seen this coming. Should have known this would be their fate the minute he saw Bertolt in the shadow of this man. Should have realized it the minute this man showed an uncomfortable interest in the Warriors.

"Did you enjoy the chocolates?" the man asks lightly.

Eren moves before he can stop himself. He grabs the man by the front of his shirt, his lips drawing back into a snarl. In that second's movement, he feels rather than hears the guns and weapons pointed at himself. He needs to back off. He needs to let go. He's the one who wanted this meeting. If he can't do something like control himself, what kind of fate is he leaving the people of Liberio who gathered here at the Warrior Headquarter under his orders?

But this damned man...

"I saw you drop them, so I just had to return them to you. Were they delicious?"

Let go, he orders himself. His own personal vendetta can come later. He needs to prioritize the people. No matter how much this hurts, he needs to at least hear what this man wants. Is there a possibility of saving the people here? If so, then he needs to focus on that. Put it aside. Revenge can come later.

Slowly, so slowly that his muscles seem to ache with his dueling wills, he finally releases Erwin.

The weapons pointed at him do not relax. But in retaliation, the people of Liberio have their weapons pointed at them. It's the worst kind of stand-off, in Eren's opinion. It doesn't matter who fires first, but a lot of people will end up dying or get injured. And right now, the goal is to prevent that. If he has to put aside his own feelings, then everyone needs to, too.

Eren takes a step back and holds his hand up to the people of Liberio with a strained smile. They seem to understand, even if their expressions are twisted with anger. How strange. Marleyans and Eldians alike are listening to him right now, united by the tragedy of having their home bombed. Was it always possible to accomplish something like this?

"My... family had a bit of a shock when they ate them," Eren manages out to Erwin with grin that feels a twitch away from a snarl.

Erwin nods, looking satisfied. He makes no move to ask his men to put their weapons down.

Bastard.

"Commander, they would like to make a deal with you," Jack says.

He, Marco, and Historia stands closer to Eren's side than strictly in the middle. Eren wonders if that means they're siding with him. Probably not, right? At the very least, Eren shouldn't count on them for helping him figure this out.

"A deal?" Erwin asks, chuckling. He keeps his eyes trained on Eren, even though Jack's the one who spoke. "Surely you jest? There's nothing you can offer as leverage. You lost."

"He hasn't. He still has quite a lot he can offer," Historia says, moving to stand by Eren's side.

Erwin raises an amused brow. "Is that so, your Highness? Then I suppose I must listen to what he has to say."

On one hand, Eren is thankful that he has been given a chance to talk instead of being immediately dismissed. But on the other hand, he doesn't appreciate having others speak for him. He doesn't even know what Erwin prioritizes. He has way too little information to be a good judge on what he should offer. Damn it. These guys seem convinced that he has something that Erwin would want. But what?

What does he have that can be of an interest to the enemy Commander?

Think about what Zeke said. Think about what Reiner said. There's something very important that he cannot overlook. Think...

"You know, my brother mentioned this..."

There. Just now, the amusement in Erwin's eyes disappeared. Fascinating. Is this man as scared of Zeke as Zeke is of him? Eren doesn't think he'll be able to use it just yet, but he makes a note of it. If he can survive long enough, it'll surely become useful.

"In order to take him down, you sacrificed yourself and the men who followed you. You are the type of man who believes that not all life is equal."

Erwin stares at Eren for a beat longer before smiling. It's still as charming as before, but there's a sharpness to it. Did Eren hit a nerve?

"So whose life are you planning on selling?" Erwin asks softly.

And that's just it, isn't it? Whose life is worth Erwin's interest?

Marco - Jack moves just slightly to hide Marco behind himself. He glares at Eren as if to dare him to make that move. Lucky him, Eren has no intention of using that man. Besides, Eren doubts Marco has any worth to Erwin. Otherwise, he would have been kept closer. Not to mention Marco's words to Eren about disagreeing with the Commander's order feels like a hint.

Jack - Same issue as Marco. Eren doubts his worth to Erwin. From how things played out, he guesses that Jack is Historia's body-guard/watcher. But any simpleton can play that role. And just because Jack is important to Historia doesn't mean he is to Erwin. But then again, he moved to shield Marco and not her, so Eren's highly doubtful of exactly how they're all related.

Historia - She looks disinterested. Her bodyguard moved to protect someone else and not her, and she doesn't seem to care. In fact, she doesn't seem to care that Eren could potentially use her, too. That already speaks volumes to him about exactly what her worth is to Erwin. It's fine. He wasn't planning on using her to begin with.

Zeke - Now there's the thing, isn't it? He suspects that Erwin would be greatly interested if Eren were to dangle his brother's life. But Eren has already tried something like that before. It ended with him almost losing Porco and actually losing his leg and eye. If he could, he'd really appreciate not losing anything anymore.

So that just leaves...

"Mine."

Erwin smiles kindly. "That's quite a bloated ego you have of yourself, isn't it? What makes you so sure that your life is worth more than the people standing next to you?"

He's trying to bait the people of Liberio. But the people seem too angry at him to listen properly. Taken that way, if Eren says the wrong thing in front of them, their anger will be directed at him. It's a double-edged sword. But he's always been quite good at playing with fire. Isn't that right, Porco?

"The chocolates. If I was just another fodder in your mind, you wouldn't have bothered with such a... personal gift. I don't know if it's because you have a grudge against my brother, but you targeted us Jaegers specifically. It's quite... romantic, shall I say?"

There's a stunned pause as everyone turns to look at Eren like he's crazy. But because they're looking at him, they miss the look in Erwin's eyes. Like he just found a new toy to play with. Just a little, Eren wonders if maybe he made a mistake in doing this.

Erwin laughs, snatching everyone's attention back to himself. "Clever, aren't you? Alright. I'll hear you out. What do you want in exchange for your life?"

"Leave Liberio," Eren says without hesitation. "Take all your men. Let the people remaining a chance to survive."

"That's it?" Erwin asks, shocked.

What the hell does that mean? What did he think Eren was going to say?

"If you want to leave some of your medical supplies behind, I won't complain," Eren adds.

Erwin chuckles to himself, shaking his head as if he's amused by something. This is starting to piss Eren off. What? What the hell does he find so damned funny?

"Alright," Erwin says. "We'll leave a bit of our medical supplies behind for you and be on our way. And in return, you will come with us willingly, is that correct?"

"That's right."

Erwin smiles. "Perfect."

*

"You... should reconsider," one of the Liberio Eldians says, glancing at the Paradis Eldians with wariness. "Our Warriors will be here soon. There's no need for you to sell yourself like that just for our sakes. We just need to buy some time."

"And when exactly will they be arriving? There will be no one left if we try to buy time against them," a Marleyan snarls.

Eren hates to admit it, but he agrees with the Marleyan. They have nothing here that they can use to fight back. The War Hammer Titan might have been useful, but they don't have the luxury to wait around for what a Tybur might decide on (and for that matter, Eren doesn't hear any more sound of destruction. Did the Tyburs give up to save themselves?). It's neater to agree with the Paradis Eldians for now.

"What guarantee do we have that they won't double-cross us?" another Eldian points out.

"There's no guarantee. But we don't exactly have many options," Eren says.

"If you're someone the enemy wants, we need to keep you close to us."

Eren gives a tired smile. "C'mon, let's be honest. With my leg and eye what they are, I'm more of a liability if I stay here. I can't help carry people or supplies. I won't be able to fight. All I'll be is a strain on the remaining resources. At least this way, I'll be a drain on our enemy."

They look like they might protest, so Eren shakes his head.

"But before I leave, I want you guys to pass on a message to Zeke. Report to him everything that happened and then tell him that the enemy brought three of their Titans."

"H-huh? Three...?"

Eren nods. "Tell him not to underestimate them and to not get overconfident. I don't know who else they brought, but I imagine that Ackerman monster is here, too. Tell him... that the rest of our family didn't make it. But if he dares to use that as an excuse for vengeance, then he better give up on me."

"W-wait a minute! If those monsters killed your family, then why shouldn't Zeke seek revenge?"

"Because their Commander is the type to use that to his advantage. If Zeke approaches carelessly or blindly in anger, it's the same as him giving up on even a slim chance of making out of this."

The people of Liberio goes quiet. Eren feels bad for leaving them behind like this, but he can't think of a better way to protect them.

"A-and can you tell P-Porco..."

"I'm not passing anything sappy," comes the sharp warning. "Or any messages of you giving up. Those kinds of things, you need to tell him yourself."

Eren feels his cheeks flush. "I-it's nothing like that. Just tell him I lov-"

"No, no, no! You tell him that yourself!"

*

Just how hard is it to pass three words to Porco anyways? Eren grumbles to himself as he returns to checking in on the order of things. Too many Marleyans try to stop him to complain about the Eldians everywhere. And look, he gets it. But right now, there are a lot of people who needs medical attention. Can't they just focus on saving people first?

"Eren?"

Maxi tugs on Eren's sleeve to get his attention. When he glances at her, she beams and holds up a candy for him to take.

"Keep your strength up!"

"Thank you," he says.

He takes the candy and puts it in his mouth immediately. Sweets are most definitely the best pick-me-up right now. Let's see, what else is there to do? He sent out a group to check on the water supply. The medical supplies from the hospital is a no-go, due to the two titans' fight destroying the building. Where else can he check? Is there any shipment that was supposed to come in that they can use? Hell, is the harbor even safe to use? Commander Erwin seems like the type to torch anything that can be used as retaliation.

"U-uhm... i-if you want, I can tell Mr. Galliard your message," Maxi says.

Eren blinks and turns back to her. "Huh?"

"I know it's rude, but I overheard. I wasn't trying to listen. But you want to tell him something, right?"

A thousand and one thoughts rush through Eren's mind. But he can't just blurt that all out to her. He doesn't want to overwhelm her or punish her for her kindness. He needs to narrow down the things that he wants to tell Porco.

For a second, he considers it. Telling Porco that if Eren dies, to move on. But that's irresponsible on so many levels. He already knows what Porco would do. He would stubbornly live until the end of his term, pass on the Jaw, and come find Eren in death to beat him up. That's the kind of guy Porco is. No, what Porco needs isn't such frivolous words. Rather...

"Can you please tell him to keep his promise? I have both our rings, so he better come find me."

Maxi nods. "Okay! I'll tell him that!"

"A-and tell him I love him, okay? I love him lots and lots. So... he shouldn't keep me waiting."

*

The Paradis Eldians leave three crates of medical supplies, two barrels of water, and three boxes of blankets. Eren checks over those to make sure that nothing seems tempered with and is relieved to see that everything seems fine. If there are any complaints, it's that this is too little. This won't be enough to help everyone gathered here. But it's better than nothing.

"I know it's going to sound rough, but you need to ration what's here. Focus on those with the most critical injuries first. They need to get first priority. Until the fires die down and the Warrior Division gets back, keeping the casualty rates down is the most important thing."

Eren repeats instructions like that multiple times, but he's not confident that it has sunk in for everyone. They nod like they understand his words. But can they really do it when the situation calls for it? Not to mention there's no food in the supplies given to them by the Paradis Eldians. Eren asked a group to go scavenge in whatever remains of nearby buildings and shops, but is that really enough?

Can these people really survive?

"You're treating them all like kids. There are grown adults mixed in there. Shouldn't you at least trust they'll know what to do?" Jack asks, looking curious.

"When you lived your entire life believing the Warrior Division will take care of all crisis for you, it's hard to figure out what to do. Not to mention mixing everyone together in one spot like this is a recipe for disaster," Eren sighs.

Jack seems to think about that for a second before letting out a soft, "Oh. You mean the whole 'Marleyan' and 'Eldian' thing, right?"

Eren keeps forgetting that these people came from a world where that divide didn't exist. With how careful Marco was about the topic, he thought Jack would... Oh, his name probably isn't Jack, is it?

"Hm? Ah, it's Jean."

"Jea-Jack," Eren mumbles.

He receives an annoyed glare in response. "Haha. Shut up."

Eren hates how much that reminds him of Porco. How much does he miss Porco that he's seeing him in other people? It's a little frustrating. He should be glad that Porco isn't here to learn that his parents didn't make it out of the initial explosions. But he finds himself selfishly wanting Porco to curl up next to. He doesn't need to be comforted. He just wants to feel Porco next to him.

"The other soldiers treat you differently," Eren says to distract himself. "Why?"

Jean looks annoyed, but he doesn't take it out on Eren. It feels like that anger is aimed mainly at himself.

"I don't know how much you know about how things work on our island. But long story short, I'm not from the same division as most of the people here. They're part of the 'Survey Corps,' and I'm from the 'Military Police.' We... do different things and normally would never be on a mission together like this."

Reiner mentioned that in his reports. Military Police was an option only to the top ten of the class. 'Elitism' among Eldians who don't realize that there's a bigger overlord. Then from all the clues Eren has to piece together, the picture becomes something like: Jean joined the Military Police and was given guard duty to watch over the Attack Titan for this mission to attack Liberio.

... Then why didn't Historia join in on the attack? Rather, she stood by Eren's side the entire time. She even stood by his side when it came to deal with Erwin, too.

Oh.

How perfect.

They're not on the same page about things, are they? Eren can use that. Sure, he may be going "willingly" with the Paradis Eldians, but he has no intentions of going quietly. He'll rip them apart from the inside.

He's still a proud Warrior Candidate.

*

"If everything is in order, then shall we take our leave?" Erwin asks.

He holds his hand out as if offering to escort Eren. It's mocking. This man is going out of his way to make sure that Eren understands that he holds no power here. Then it's only natural that Eren pushes the balance of power between them. Just you wait, Mr. Charming. Eren will wipe that smugness off of this man before their ride is over.

"I want to verify with my own eyes that all of your men left first."

Erwin doesn't even blink at the request. "Alright. I'll leave one of my men with you to bring you to the blimp. You can verify for yourself that we've left and come up with him."

*

Eren isn't sure why, but he thought it would be Marco or Jean that gets the job of bringing him to the blimp. But he supposes Marco is too low of a rank and Jean belongs to a different division. Either that, or Erwin doesn't trust those two. It's easy to tell why Erwin doesn't trust Marco, especially with what Marco said about not agreeing with his Commander. But what about Jean? Is it because of Jean's allegiance? That guy did stand in front of Marco instead of Historia. Eren better figure out everyone's relationship fast. One wrong move will destroy any chance he has at getting the intel he needs.

There is a small man standing in front of Eren with a rather nasty glare on his face.

"You must be the troublemaker," the man dares to say with a sneer.

Hey, which one of them set off explosive on whose home?

"Levi, play nice," Erwin says without much care. Then he motions to the man. "This is Levi Ackerman. He is my most trusted man."

Erwin doesn't bother introducing Eren. Not that it matters. From the disdainful way Levi is glaring at Eren, it's much too clear that this man knows who Eren is. And now that Erwin has said this man's name, Eren knows who he is, too. The number one person who terrified Zeke during his mission in Paradis Island is this midget.

"I thought you'd be taller," Eren says lightly.

The man doesn't react. So he's not the type of person who is sensitive about his height, huh? That's fine. Eren will find something else to poke fun at.

Erwin stays with them to watch the bulk of the soldiers get on the blimp. Then he cheerfully waves goodbye and leaves.

"Go ahead," Levi says, motioning with his head. "Look around."

It's so flippant. This kind of confident is at least reassuring in that Eren doesn't have to worry of back-stabbing. But just to be a pain, Eren makes sure to check every nook and cranny, even if he knows that there's no logical way for a human to fit there.

"Normally, these types of attacks are used to occupy an area. But if you guys are willing to leave like this, then that's clearly not your goal. Were you aiming for the War Hammer?" Eren asks.

Levi doesn't answer. And although Eren gets that they're enemies, isn't telling this much manners?

"Then was it revenge? You just wanted to kill a lot of people?"

No answer again. There isn't even a twitch of muscles that might denote guilt. Is this man a stone? How is he not reacting to anything? Are the topics that Eren bringing up not good enough? What can Eren ask to push this man to show his cards? What is the weakness of the man who scared Zeke?

"Oh, I see. You were just 'following orders.' And here, I thought you had some noble purpose. But in the end, you turned out be just like us of the Warrior Division. Hey, does that burn? Do you even care? You're just like Zek-"

He didn't see the kick until it already struck him. By then, he's on the ground, spitting out a molar that got knocked loose and some blood. What monstrous strength. Eren will be shocked if his cheek isn't bruised. Even Porco doesn't hit him this hard in their countless spars.

"You're quite chatty. Not what I expected of _that man's_ brother," Levi says, glaring Eren down. "If you're done, we're going back."

Eren wipes his mouth but doesn't reach for his fallen crutch. Instead, he looks up at Levi from the ground.

"Is following that man really worth it?" Eren asks.

Levi stares at him for a beat longer. "What about you? Is following Marley worth it? Worth... this?"

He makes a vague motion at the destruction around them. And man, what an unfair guy. Those two aren't worth comparing at all.

"If I don't follow Marley, my family will be killed. Does Commander Erwin have a gun against your family's heads?"

"I don't have any family left."

Eren winces. Did they die because of Reiner and the others? Because of Marley's greed of wanting the Founding Titan? Is this something Eren should apologize about? But it's not like Eren had a hand in those attacks. Wouldn't it just come off as condescending?

"Once upon a time, I had no choice but to follow Erwin. In order to protect what was left of my pride. But..."

Levi goes quiet, lost in thought. He must have thought of someone important to him, because his expression softens. So even the great Monster of Paradis can make a face like that. Not entirely a heartless monster, is he? Then without a doubt, he has a weakness. Eren just has to find it to exploit. Don't worry, Zeke. Eren will protect his brother this time around.

"The air outside the wall is different. That's all."

With such cryptic words, Levi picks up Eren's crutch and gives it to him.

"Are you done or what?"

"Yes, I'm done," Eren says.

He doesn't remark on the fact that Levi never answered whether it is worth following Erwin or not.

*

Reiner's and Zeke's reports could never have prepared him for the rush of exhilaration that comes from using the vertical maneuvering gear. He has ridden on plenty of shitily made aircraft before that let in the air in worrisome amounts. But it's a completely different feeling to have your body move against the air current. It reminds him of parachuting out of an airship. But the difference is how accurately he (Well, Levi, really) can maneuver to get to their destination.

If Eren could have used this, would he have been able to reach his family faster? Would he have gotten more people out to safety? Because at the very least, the vertical maneuvering gear doesn't seem to require both legs to operate it. Even he should be able to use it.

Even he...

If, when Zeke brought one back from Paradis, Eren had said let's figure out how this works, would they have been able to make some for the rest of them? Would they have had weapons to fight this invasion off of? Would he have been able to do something other than helplessly flounder in the fiery destruction of his hometown?

He knows thoughts like these won't help his situation now. He knows that all it'll do is sap him of his strengths and leave him depressed. So no matter how frustrated he feels at past him, he needs to focus on the now.

He wonders if it'll be hard to sneak one of the vertical maneuvering gears for Porco to try later. Probably, right?

What a shame.

*

"Welcome to our ship," Erwin greets cheerfully when Levi lands on the blimp with Eren in tow.

His eyes land on Eren's swelling cheek, looking surprised and then troubled. He doesn't say anything to Levi, but the soft sigh seems to be enough of a scolding. Levi shoots Erwin an annoyed look but seems to reluctantly look guilty. It makes Eren think of a hunter and his dog.

So that's their relationship.

Almost as if that was rebuke enough, Levi politely hands Eren's crutch back.

"Unfortunately, I have some matters to attend to, but I asked Hange, Leader of the Fourth Squad, to show you around," Erwin says instead.

"That's me!"

Eren turns to address the person who spoke and...

It's just like what happened with Erwin. For just a second, Eren sees Annie. But the bright grin on the person's face makes Annie disappear just as quickly as she appeared. And Eren understands what happened even without being told of it. A small part of him had hoped, to be honest, that Annie was alive somewhere and they would all meet again, even if it was on the opposite side of the war. He feels bitter to find out about her fate like this.

"Call me Hange," the person says, holding her hand up for Eren to shake.

Eren hesitates for a second before accepting the handshake. Hange stares at him with a rather worrying look on her face before she smiles (fake) and lets go.

"This ship is really spacious and great. I'll show you all of my favorite snacking spots!"

*

This Hange goes on forever and forever about every little thing that catches her interest. On any normal occasion, that would have been the perfect intel-gathering person for Eren to leech off of. Except the way she monologues and segways into non-sequitur topics in neck-breaking pace is spinning Eren around in circles before he can take proper notes on what she's giving away.

No wonder she was chosen to show him around.

He feels more lost by what she's saying than the layout of the blimp. And with how much she talks, he keeps losing track of exactly where they're walking.

"Yeah, and then this one time, Oluo burst out laughing and snorted the wine all over the food!"

Wait, wait. Who's this Oluo again? And when did they start talking about wine and food?

"We'll probably not be able to have a meal together as a big group since we're on this blimp and the biggest room we have is the meeting room. So it might end up with you eating on your own. But if you want, I'll stop by so we can at least talk together!"

Wouldn't it just be her talking his ears off?

"By the way, what kind of food do you like to eat? I've become a huge fan of seafood pasta ever since I had some. But at the end of the day, nothing beats the taste of delicious beef!"

Meat is a privilege set aside for Marleyans. The best Eldians get is eggs. As Reiner said, they sure had fancy food inside of the walls... Maybe the real reason why Reiner ended up bulking up so much is because the food they were allowed to eat was so much better there. Hah. Maybe Eren should demand those fancy food for dinner. Might as well as be a leech while he's here, right?

"But more so than cows, I think horses are cuter! There's just this rugged charm about horses, don't you think?"

Huh? To eat?

"And here is Levi's room. Don't go in there if you don't want to get pierced by knives! Haha! That guy's a literal demon if you enter his space without properly washing up first. Ooooh, Petra! Hey, hey, have you met Eren here?"

And on and on and on.

*

By the time Hange directs him to a small single, he is too tired to ask whose room he has entered. He assumes it's hers, since she makes herself comfortable and sits down on the chair and motions for him to join her at the table.

"Now, it's your turn! Tell me about yourself!"

To be honest, he would much rather collapse somewhere and sleep. Was that her goal from the beginning? To make him feel so tired from listening to her talk so that he'll accidentally slip vital information? Heh. They're underestimating him way too much. Don't they realize he lived his entire life playing nice for the Marleys?

"There's not much to tell. I'm Eren Jaeger, Warrior Candidate," Eren says as he sits across from her.

She smiles widely. "Oh, come on! I just went on and on about my life for a while now. Return the favor a bit, won't you? What are your hobbies? Do you like anyone? What's life like inside of the interment zone? We've gotten some information, but it's all outdated stuff or from the Marleyans' perspective. So I've been really curious."

"As you saw in the city you just destroyed, Liberio is split between the interment zone for the Eldians and the rest of the city for Marleyans. It's typically a beautiful place. Especially the river that runs through. But thanks to the explosives you guys dropped, there's no way that Liberio will be able to return to its former beauty for a long while. I'll be shocked if that river ever returns to its pristine state."

She doesn't react to those words. Instead, her smile gets wider. Did she... enjoy causing that destruction? Then Eren needs to change his tactics before all he ends up revealing to much of his heart.

"The building that Erwin and others found me in is the Warrior Headquarter. It's the only place in the Marleyan side of Liberio that allows Eldians with special permission to set foot in. Seems fitting that that's the place that everyone evacuated to, right? Marleyans and Eldians alike, fighting for the remaining few supplies in hopes to live one more hour until the Warrior Division gets there. Too bad you destroyed the hospital while wrestling against the War Hammer Titan. I wonder how many doctors and nurses you killed because of that."

The smile looks strained now. Does this bother her or not? Come on, react. What is it that she feels when he talks like this? Is she guilty? Does she think that she's in the right? Does she want him to shut up? React and do something more than just sit there and smile. Show Eren the weapons he can use to destroy them.

"But you know what's possibly even worse? The sheer amount of children that are dead now. It wasn't just a hospital you two destroyed. There was a school nearby. Did you even notice that you crushed children? Hey, did you feel their tiny bodies-"

She bursts out laughing.

The next words are frozen on his tongue as Eren stares at Hange in disbelief. Why the hell is she laughing? What's so damned funny?

She gets her laughter under control but still giggles from time to time.

"Well," she says between her giggles, "it can't be helped!"

... Huh?

Her eyes look manic. With a wide grin on her face that feels more and more fake as the seconds pass, she shrugs carelessly.

"People die all the time. Horrifically, tragically, and everything in between. That's just what it means to live: To die."

"Are... people's lives a joke to you?" Eren asks.

"Of course not!" Hange insists, waving her hand in the air in a dismissive way.

Her words and her action do not match up at all. Eren can't figure out her intention at all.

"This is just the fact of life. Everyone dies. Even at this moment in time, somewhere in this world someone is dying. Eldian, Marleyan, someone in between, it doesn't matter. Someone is dying. So there's really no point in grieving over people's death. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

Eren snorts. "And that justifies you killing people?"

The smile finally falls. Her expression looks to Eren in something akin to desperation.

"No, no. That's not it. They were going to die anyways-"

"You don't know that. They could have lived long and happy lives. They could have been the next person to have stopped this stupid war. But you made the decision for them to end their lives today."

"Then what else am I supposed to do?!" She yells, finally losing her composure. She slams her hand on the table and glares Eren down. "This was an attack that had to happen. Even if it wasn't me fighting, those people - those kids - still would have died. People die. It happens when there's a war. To hang my head down and cry over every single death is too taxing, and all it'll do is sap moral. So I'm laughing! Either way, the dead won't come back. Either way, the dead don't care what we do. They're dead."

Slowly, Hange seems to realize exactly what she has done. She stares at her hand as if to blame it for her loss of temper. This has been cruel enough. She may be an enemy, but Eren doesn't delight in torturing others for fun. He knows that he'll never be able to take this back.

But he has to look after his own. He has his own pride as a Warrior Candidate.

"Is that the conclusion you arrived at when Reiner and Zeke killed your comrades?" Eren asks.

He forces his expression to stay neutral as he can. He forces himself to not wince back at the look of despair on her face. He forces himself to not look away from that anguish. If she's suffering because Eren pushed her, he's going to face it. He's not going to laugh it off like it never happened. He's not going to look away and distract himself. He's going to face her head-on. It's the only way he can think to atone for this cruelty. 

"No," she says finally. There's a twitch of the lips as if she can't figure out if she wants to laugh or to cry. "It's something I've learned long before that. Before we realized that there was a world outside. Before when we thought the worst monsters we'll ever face were the mindless... Ah, what was it that you guys call them?"

"Pure titans," Eren supplies.

She nods. "Back then, too, the only thing I could do was laugh. As I lost yet another squad mate... As everyone died to save me... all I could do was... Moblit, you damned idiot..."

Hange covers her face with her hands. There's a soft sound like she's choking on her sobs.

Eren finally looks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of all the rotten...
> 
> Porco feels his lips pull into a scowl at the sight of Reiner in the garden. Reiner must have felt the murderous intent, because he flinches and turns towards Porco with a reluctant look on his face.
> 
> Since it's clear that neither of them want to deal with the other, Porco decides to be the mature one and turns to leave.
> 
> "H-hey wait," Reiner calls.
> 
> Porco should just leave. He really doesn't have to stay here to listen. But he's also curious. Reiner has gone out of his way to avoid Porco as much as Porco avoided him. To suddenly approach Porco like this means he wants a fight, right?
> 
> ... Damn, he misses Eren. 
> 
> "What?" Porco growls as he turns to face Reiner.
> 
> There's a wary look on Reiner's face. Wary but determined. "G-good uh... luck. W-with Eren and everything."
> 
> Porco makes a face. The hell does he need to hear that from Reiner for? Ugh. Now he feels like all the good luck in the world will start dodging him, just because Reiner said it. 
> 
> "I... know you'll make him happy. But... man, this is hard. I thought I could make him happy, too."
> 
> This guy is picking a fight. Porco snarls, waiting for an opening to take advantage of.
> 
> "But Eren chose you. So if you dare hurt him, I'll throw caution to the wind and bring you down."
> 
> Then Reiner leaves before Porco can pay him back for such a haughty attitude. Hah. It took him three years, but it seems like Reiner is finally back to his spoiled bratty self. Porco won't be shocked if Eren had a hand in that somehow.
> 
> That just seems like something Eren would go out of his way to do.
> 
> "Even when you're not here, you're a pain," Porco groans. "I can't wait to see you again."
> 
> *
> 
> "So it is like that. I thought he might be hiding something... to think it was this..." Zeke sighs and takes a moment to wipe his glasses to buy him some time to think. "So what exactly are you proposing, Yelena?"
> 
> "With the power of the titans on our side, we can very easily turn the tide of this war," she says. 
> 
> There's an unspoken "but" there. She doesn't need to voice it for Zeke to know what she isn't saying. If Zeke agrees to help Yelena and the other non-Marleyans (and a few Eldian Volunteer Army soldiers. Jeesh, Eren had been busy), he is agreeing to give up the rest of his family for the sake of his little brother's future.
> 
> And to be honest, that kind of selfish thing doesn't sound like something Eren would want.
> 
> "Let me think about it," Zeke manages out.
> 
> Was Eren really planning on betraying Marley? Did he not want to inherit the Beast that badly that he was willing to throw his family away? Was he really exchanging information with the enemy?
> 
> If so, then what should Zeke do?


	25. our trust in each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But are you sure you want to be with Eren like that?" Gabi asks for the umpteenth time.
> 
> Porco rolls his eyes. "Yes. I do."
> 
> She huffs angrily and crosses her arms in front of her chest. 
> 
> "Why does it matter that much anyways?" Porco asks. "Eren will still treat you like a little sister, even if you don't share the same last name."
> 
> "But Eren has all the best sweets!" Gabi says.
> 
> Porco doesn't get it. Seeing his confusion, Zofia comes to the rescue.
> 
> "So when he dies, his sweets will go to whoever is his family."
> 
> ... What...? Why are these kids always so...?
> 
> "Don't bank on his death!" Porco exclaims.
> 
> "But that's what'll happen, isn't it? Reiner and Zeke will die. Then you. Then Eren. In the order of when you guys got your titans. And then it'll be our turn to live 13 years," Udo says matter-of-factly.
> 
> Porco doesn't think that he thought about that until much, much later. At least, he was older than these kids now when it finally dawned on him exactly how short 13 years are. These kids are sharp. And possibly because of that, they try to focus on lighter things to distract them. Or at least that's how Eren would have described it.
> 
> "You know all he has to do is leave a will behind. You don't have to be related to get things," Porco points out.
> 
> They all turn to look at him with wide eyes of shock. Porco isn't sure why, but he feels his cheeks heat up as he glares defiantly at them.
> 
> "W-what?"
> 
> "You're smart?" Falco asks.
> 
> These damned little...
> 
> "Hey munchkins, start running."
> 
> It takes the four of them a second to realize what Porco means. By then, they all shriek in delighted fear as they run away.
> 
> It's been a while since they played tag. Let's remind these kids remember why no one likes Porco when he is "it."

Eren lets Hange be as long as she wants to cry. He stays rooted to his seat, glaring at the corner of the room. At one point, he did consider leaving, but it doesn't bode well with him to make someone cry and then leave them alone. It's not like he knows how to comfort her either. So it's just awkward all around.

He loses track of exactly how long it takes for her to get herself in control. But eventually, her stifled sobs becomes quiet and her shoulders stop shaking.

Eren wonders if he's a terrible person for feeling relieved.

"Ah, jee... Sorry about that. I haven't cried like that in years... You're surprisingly a real good company, you know that?"

That's actually the first Eren has heard that. He's heard so many times that he sucks at comforting someone. But to hear that he's good company when someone's crying? It seems like such a blatant lie that he can't help but to smile.

"Thanks."

... Huh? Why is she thanking him for? He really didn't do anything. This is starting to really freak him out. There's no reason to thank him. If anything, shouldn't she be angry at him for pushing her? Reiner did mention this, didn't he? Eren hadn't believe it at the time, figuring it's just Reiner being stupid as always. But it seems the Paradis Eldians really are backwards.

"I... really didn't do anything," Eren mumbles, trying not to fidget.

The smile on her face looks genuine now. "You'd be surprised at how far a little bit of kindness goes."

He doesn't recall being kind to her.

"Now I'm hungry. It's a bit late for lunch and way too early for dinner... Oh well! Here, I'll ask them to get us food!"

Huh? Lunch? Did everything really happen in the span of just one morning (and early afternoon, too, from the sounds of it)? It feels almost surreal. Do the remaining survivors of Liberio have something to eat? They are in Marleyan territory, but would the Marleyans really block the Eldians from eating whatever they find in nearby buildings and shops? Eren honestly doesn't know.

"Hey! We're hungry! Get us some food!" Hange yells, poking her head out the door.

Someone must have come to talk to her about something, because she lets out a comically loud wail in protest.

"No, no! This is work! This is work! I'm working really hard! Augh! Fine, fine. I get it."

With a rather defeated look on her face, she turns to Eren with a sulking pout. "Sorry. Looks like I have to 'return' to work. But don't worry. Someone else will stop by with food for you. If the food tastes bad or anyone tries to pick a fight with you, you let me know, alright?"

Then she's gone, quite like a hurricane. It makes Eren wonder if maybe this is supposed to be his room. But for a hostage, isn't this way too extravagant? It's even better than the rooms typically set aside for the Warrior Candidates.

The room itself is pretty spacious. There's a bed in one corner of the room, and adjacent to it is the table that Eren is currently sitting at with three chairs. There's a bookshelf on the other side of the wall, and it seems to be filled with children's picture books.

After a second's hesitation, Eren decides to check them out. These must be what Paradis Eldians read to their children. It seems innocent enough, if not a little familiar. Some of the stories seem like a variation of the ones that Eren read when he was a kid. Perhaps they have a little more in common than Eren first thought.

"I'm coming in," is the only warning Eren has before someone opens the door with one sharp knock.

Don't people typically wait a bit afterwards? Who just barges in like that?

The answer, it turns out is, Jac... Jean. He carries with him a tray of two plates and two mugs. Eren assumes that all the food isn't for him. How amusing. Is the Attack Titan's guard going to hang out with their hostage?

What for?

"Don't you have Historia to look after, Jea-Jack?" Eren asks.

"Haha. She told me to keep an eye on you."

Jean sets the tray on the table and sits down. He motions for Eren to join him before biting in one of the sandwiches on one of the plates. After a beat of pause, Eren returns to the table. He glances at the food and the drinks before reaching for a sandwich on the plate that Jean picked.

"It's not poisoned."

"That's exactly what someone who poisoned the food would say," Eren reasons.

Jean rolls his eyes. He takes a sip from one of the mug and then passes it to Eren, silently proving that it really isn't poisoned. Surprisingly a decent guy, huh? Eren accepts it.

"Was the tour okay? Squad Leader Hange is... an intense person," Jean says.

Intense, huh? Eren feels like that's missing a couple descriptor.

"Frankly, I don't remember anything about the blimp. She changed topics so fast..."

Jean chuckles. "Yup. Even among the Military Police, there's very few people who likes Hange... Well, I guess that's not fair. It's all of Survey Corps that's hated."

"All of them...? Ah. Because they kept pushing to go out the walls, right? But in the end, it was that drive that got you guys out here to set my home on fire."

There's the smallest roll of the eyes as if Jean finds Eren's tactic childish. Eren feels his cheeks heat up, even though he knows he's in the right.

"If you want pity, you're asking the wrong guy." Jean takes another bite of his food and chews slowly.

Tch.

Annoying, but fair. Eren follows Jean's motions and bites into the sandwich. He must have been hungrier than he thought, because he finds himself finishing it within seconds. Then he finds himself staring at Jean to check the other plate of food for poison. Jean meets eyes with him and smirks. He takes his time eating, damned asshole.

"You know, there's something that's been on my mind," Eren says to distract himself from the food he refuses to let himself have. "What did you think I was going to negotiate with when you called Commander Erwin?"

"To be honest, I just wanted to watch you squirm."

... This annoying little...

"But I figured you knew why we were there."

Why, huh? No matter how Eren turns it in his head, there's just one answer to that, isn't there? Why else would Paradis Eldians come attack Liberio, the home of the Warrior Division?

"For revenge."

Jean pauses eating to look at Eren in shock. Eren doesn't like what that means.

"You uh... d-didn't know? We wanted your help. Why do you think Commander Erwin emphasized that you came with us willingly?"

That makes no sense. Why would they need Eren's help for? In case they're blind, Eren is missing a leg and an eye. He has been removed from the battlefield for so long that he doesn't even have accurate intel anymore (Porco's reports don't count). So what can he possibly offer that Paradis Eldians want?

"The Mid-East Allied Forces said they'll only work with us if you were on our side."

... Huh?

That makes even less of sense. Not the part where Paradis decided to ally themselves with the Mid-East Allied Forces. Why wouldn't they? They all have the common enemy in Marley. But the part where the Mid-East Allied Forces name-dropped Eren. That... doesn't sound right. Why would they ever...? Because they thought that Eren was on their side? But he's useless now. Even they should have received word of Eren's missing limb and eye. So why would they willingly choose him?

The only thing that he can possibly think of is that they believed he would either be impossible for the Paradis Eldians to convince or they wanted an excuse to team up with Paradis Eldians. Given the fact that Paradis now has three titans (four, if you count the Founder. But there's no way they would allow such an important titan to leave), the latter makes more sense. Then did they give up on their anti-titan weapons? Or is the plan to make the titans wipe out each other and then they'll turn their weapons on the remaining Eldians?

All of this is making his head hurt.

Eren takes a sip from his mug.

"Hey, wait a minute," he says, "that means... I didn't have to bargain like that. Commander Erwin was the one who had everything to lose."

Jean nods and takes another bite. "Why'd you think he started laughing so hard?"

When Jean says it so bluntly like that, it makes Eren want to rip out his hair and cry. Are you kidding him? There was another option? He could've forced Erwin's hand for more? He could've done more for the people back there? He could've been more than just a dead-weight?

"Why... didn't you say anything? You could've easily-"

"Huh? And why would I do something so troubling for someone part of the squad that destroyed so much of my home?" Jean asks. "What? You thought you were special or something? Did you conveniently forget that your squadmates... your _brother_ killed how many of ours? Everyone lost their homes here. Few of them, multiple times. You have no ground to demand anything from us."

That's right.

Eren keeps forgetting. He's not the only one who has suffered. He's not alone in his grief of losing his family. After all, Zeke turned an entire village of people into pure titans during his mission to bring back the original Paradis group. Compared to that, only having his own family (no matter how much that hurts) turned into pure titans was a cheap price to pay for what happened to these people. Everyone here has suffered...

Actually, he can go even further. Everyone who has ever faced against the Warrior Division has suffered something like that. Having their homes destroyed, especially by titans, isn't something special that only they have went through. If Eren starts thinking about this like that, his anger fizzles away into nothing but dreaded grief. This is something that they did. This is a grief that he (and the rest of the division) forced others to go through. What they did was sick. There's no arguing that.

"Hey," Jean says, a bit sharply than is necessary. He glares at Eren for a second before glaring at a spot on the table. "I didn't say that for your pity. Go back to yelling at me."

This guy really makes it hard for Eren to blindly hate him.

"How... many people did you lose?"

There's a tense silence. Eren thought for sure that Jean would put his sandwich down and leave. But he doesn't. Instead, he lets out a heavy sigh.

"I don't know how much that _traitor_ told you. But the military squad that _they_ stayed with was mine. There's just four of us left alive after everything that happened."

Four counting Reiner...? Eren doesn't want to ask. Not with how much bitter anger Jean seems to hold against Reiner. It feels almost like Jean hates Reiner more than the little brother of the Beast Titan. And perhaps he does. To Jean, Reiner is someone who has personally betrayed him and left the rest of their squad for dead, whereas Eren is...?

"Hm? Well... You haven't personally wronged us. It's not like you were there to give the order or whatever. Not to mention, you saved Marco... Why did you bother doing that? In fact, what was the point in trying to save everyone? Marleyans and Eldians clearly hold no love for each other. Hell, I felt the difference in treatment when walking around the streets with Historia when she was wearing an armband. So why bother? Wouldn't it have been the perfect time to get rid of all the Marleyans who ever oppressed you?"

It's a fair enough question.

If it had been any other time, Eren wouldn't have hesitated to have said that they should have abandoned the Marleyans to their fate. He doesn't have the time nor the emotional capacity to take care of bunch of whiny brats who wanted to be put first, just because of their ancestry. But when the explosions started to shake the world and he saw what was left of his family...

"We've already lost so many people as it was. Would I really feel justified in my revenge for my inaction? Would that really make me happy? If I add to the death count, would I really feel satisfied? Wouldn't that kind of revenge just be hollow?"

Jean doesn't say anything. He instead finishes the sandwich and reaches for another one on the untouched plate. This time, he doesn't bother making eye contact with Eren to prove his point. He just bites in, looking lost in thought.

Eren waits a second before allowing himself to eat the last sandwich.

*

Jean affirms to Eren that this room is indeed Eren's once they're both done eating. He also mentions that if Eren wants other types of books, Jean can look around for something else, but to not hold his breath. It's surprisingly more hospitable than Eren expected. When he mentions as such, Jean's cheeks flush red and he does his utmost best to not look in Eren's direction.

"W-why wouldn't it be? You're a 'willing' passenger on this blimp, and that's the same as saying that you're our comrade. I don't know how it is with your Warrior Division, but when we say comrades, that means we'll be fighting to the death together. M-might as well as... g-get comfortable."

Those words are so damned familiar that it makes Eren blush as well. Did he sound that naive and foolish when he said those words to the Non-Marleyan Army? Why were they so taken by him by it? No matter how Eren hears it, it's cringey, if not embarrassing as hell.

"Don't make that face!" Jean snaps. "I'm trying my best here!"

"Aren't you too good of a person, Jea-Jack?" Eren finds himself teasing in hopes that his own embarrassment gets covered up with this.

"Shut up."

Eren chuckles and realizes with a start that this must be how Yelena felt. It's not just that those words were cringey and embarrassing. But it was more the willingness to reach out, wasn't it? That Jean (and Eren at the time) wanted to put in the effort. A little bit of kindness in this cruel world.

"Thanks."

Jean freezes for a second before he nods. Then stiffly but quickly, he walks out of the room.

Eren wonders if Jean ate something weird and is rushing for the bathroom. Belatedly, he realizes that they ate the same thing. Should he also make a dash for the bathroom, just in case?

... Would they allow him to go to the bathroom?

Perhaps he was too quick in his judgement that the Paradis Eldians aren't a bad bunch?

*

It's not until he finally decides that he'll risk their wrath and try to go to the bathroom that he realizes that there aren't even guards posted by his door. He can willingly walk out and to the bathroom on his own whenever he wants.

The only problem, of course, is that he has no idea where said bathroom is, thanks to Hange's rather confusing tour.

He could just walk around until he finds it. But he's not too sure how well the others will take that. Just because there aren't guards at his door doesn't mean they want him to just wander around. He'll definitely make a lot of people uncomfortable.

... But does he care?

Well, if they have an issue with him walking around, they should have posted guards.

With that as his comfort, Eren decides to go look for a bathroom.

*

The good news is that most people shoot him an annoyed glare but otherwise leaves him be. The key word in that is "most."

Eren glances back and sees someone quickly dodge behind the corner of the hallway. Is this person supposed to be a discreet guard? So that Eren would feel at "ease" among "comrades?" Or is this person someone with a personal vendetta against a Warrior Division member? Should Eren allow himself to be cornered to test out some strategies he's been working on to fight Porco? Ah, but he really wanted to do that with Porco...

While thinking such thoughts, his eyes catch sight of the windows. He peers outside. Despite the blimp not being as fast as the airships that Eren is used to, they're moving pretty well. Will the Warrior Division be able to keep up at this rate? Have they arrived in Liberio yet? There are still so many things that have been left ambiguous. Maxi will be able to pass his message to Porco just fine, right?

He stares at the forest below him for a beat longer. Now that he thinks about it, if in order to get the allegiance from the Mid-East Allied Forces, the Paradis Eldians need Eren, then if he were to...

"Oh, they're letting you walk around?"

Historia.

The person who was following him no longer seems to be there. Did seeing the Attack Titan spook them? Eren feels relieved that he can save his strategies for Porco.

"Good timing. Where's the bathroom?"

*

With business taken care of, the next place Eren finds himself is in Historia's room. The place is a little fancier than Eren's, but not by much. At the very least, there's a small tea set and some snacks prepared on the table. But aside from that, there doesn't seem to be too much of a difference. Perhaps all the rooms here look like this? Where did Paradis get their hands on a blimp like this anyways? The Marleyan Navy shouldn't have provided them with one, since they don't have any. So...?

"I'm sure you have a lot of things you want to ask. I can't say I'll answer all of them, but feel free to voice it," she says as she pushes one of the tea cups towards Eren.

Isn't that way too lax? But she did help him save Maxi in the chaos of things. He should at least see what she wants. With that thought in mind, he accepts the tea and sips it.

"This is pretty nice," he says, even though he has no idea how to distinguish tea. If it was coffee on the other hand... 

Historia grins victoriously. "It better be. I stole it from Captain Levi's secret stash."

From the monster Ackerman?!

"I-is that a good idea? He's... he's a monster, you know?"

The grin on her face turns mocking. "Eren, are you scared of that midget?"

She didn't see the look of sheer terror on Zeke's face after he woke up screaming in the middle of the night after he returned from Paradis. She didn't hear Zeke's usually calm and soothing voice shake and break with fear as he talked of that monster. She didn't feel Zeke tremble because of those nightmares.

"Midget or not, his skills are well-known even in Marley."

Although, that might just be the Warrior Division that paid attention to Zeke's words. He doubts the Marleyans would ever fear Ackerman the way Zeke does.

"You guys are quite well-informed... Is that how you knew I was the Attack Titan?"

Eren nods. "Although I suppose our information is probably outdated by... three years? I didn't recognize the gears that Marco was wearing."

"Ah, you guys probably got information from Reiner, huh? And I imagine your brother also filled you in on what he saw..."

There's a small pause as if she realizes something important. With a look on her fact that seems much too tragic, she glares at tea before her. Eren wonders if he should look away to give her some privacy. It feels like once he realized who she is, it became much too easy to read her.

"She didn't say anything," Eren blurts out. "The previous Jaw Titan? She never said anything worth using to the Marleys. You don't have to worry about that."

That's relief on her face. She lets out a small breath of air and takes a sip of her tea.

"Thank you... Uh... M-may I know about her last moments...?"

"I'm... sorry. I don't know much," Eren lies.

She nods slowly. "I see. I suppose that was cruel of me to ask you about that when you're together with the current Jaw Titan."

Eren flinches. That was probably bad of him to try and keep Porco hidden. It's no secret to anyone in Liberio that the two of them are together, especially considering even Maxi knew about them. Then it stands to reason that Historia eventually heard about it, too.

"Sorry," he mumbles. "But... I'm not budging on Porco. Even if it means I'll end up fighting everyone on this blimp by myself, I won't hand him over."

"Pfft..."

Historia quickly hides her face by pretending to drink her tea. When Eren shoots her a look, she pretends she doesn't see it.

"Hey, don't laugh at me! I'm surprisingly really good at fighting, even with just one leg."

Her shoulders are shaking now. Does she find making fun of cripples that funny? He doesn't even get why she's laughing in the first place. Shouldn't she feel insulted? Her beloved was cruelly killed (and at the time, Eren didn't even blink his eyes about it. He wanted Ymir dead for killing Marcel), while Porco gets to live on. If it was Eren, he doesn't think he would be able to handle losing Porco like Historia lost... Oh wait. That's how he lost Marcel... B-but the comparison still stands. Eren wanted Ymir dead for killing Marcel. Doesn't Historia hate Porco for killing Ymir?

She clears her throat and finally puts her teacup back down. With a bright smile on her face that still feels like she's laughing at him, she picks up one of the cookies and bites in.

"You know, if this was three years ago, I would have hated you," she says lightly.

"I won't blame you if you hate me now," Eren tells her.

She stares at the cookie for a second before finishing it. It seems like she's buying herself some time to collect her thoughts. Eren lets her.

"But the person that Ymir ate was Porco's brother, right? If we keep trying to get back at each other like this, we'll just end up more jaded and filled with hate. I won't say something irresponsible like forgiveness is better, because it's not always. But at the very least, I don't want you as an enemy."

Eren thought that she stood on a different platform in comparison to Erwin. But perhaps he had been too hopeful? At the end of the day, they are on the same side. And what Eren can't figure out is if that side is against him personally or...

"Because you need me to get the Mid-East Allied Forces on your side?"

Historia smiles but shakes her head. "Good guess. But not quite... How much do you know about the Attack Titan's abilities?"

"The...? Uh... It just... attacks, right? Versatile like the Female Titan or whatever?"

"Yes. But it has an extra bit of ability. It grants the user the ability to peer into the future of its next holders."

The next...?

It seems it's Eren's turn to buy time now. He takes a long sip of his tea, trying to figure out why she's bothering to tell him this. She seems to be amused by that.

"So I already know how this war of ours will end."

He's curious. He wants to know. He wants to know really badly. From the smirk on her face, it's clear that she knows. Is she going to dangle that over his head until he says something? But what? What does she want to hear him say? He's not budging on Porco. He made that clear, didn't he?

"Shall I tell you?" she asks, giggling lightly.

"Feel free."

"Marley will be forced to surrender," she says. And before he can react, she continues on. "You and your Jaw Titan will be able to have a happy life. The rest of the Warrior Division, too. In fact, the rest of the world will finally be able to live without fear of Marley's warmongering. That isn't to say it'll be easy or that it'll bring about peace for forever. But it'll be enough. You will be satisfied."

... Like hell that kind of a fantasy can come true. The minute she said that the Warrior Division can be happy after Marley surrenders, he knew that she was lying. If Marley surrenders and falls, the Warrior Division will be the first to burn. Then it'll be their family members, except the Paradis Eldians already took care of most of them. He doesn't know who she's trying to fool with such sloppy story, but he's kind of glad that she's saying something so easily proven wrong.

"Ah yes, and then the Survey Corps will bring peace and prosperity to all of Paradis Island and be hailed as heroes, right? And the entire world will hold hands and play together like good little kids. Maybe they'll even share their snacks."

"Does the thought of a happy future frighten you?" she asks, picking up another cookie.

"Nothing of the sort," he assures her. "I just find what you said suspect. There are certain things in the world that cannot happen. Rather, the world will rather be destroyed and ravaged than to ever let it come to pass. Letting any kind of Eldians live in peace, rather alone in happiness, is among top five."

She smiles like she knows exactly how Eren feels. It makes Eren actually consider that she might be telling the truth for exactly two seconds.

"And yet that is the future you will accomplish."

"Pfft! Hahaha! Now I know you're joking! Are you kidding me? Me? I'll bring about world peace? I'm a Warrior _Candidate._ I have about as much power as a newborn baby, except maybe less because of my leg and eye. A-and you think... hahaha!"

Historia gives Eren a few seconds to get his laughter under control. She eats her cookie slowly and sips her tea, watching him with a surprising calm.

"Well, I definitely appreciate the good laugh," he tells her lightly.

For just a second, she looks like she might say something more. But she must have changed her mind, because she giggles.

"Glad you find it funny!"

*

"By the way," Historia says while pretending like she's not super interested in knowing the answer, "how do you like Jean?"

... Huh? What kind of question is that...? Why does it matter whether Eren likes her bodyguard? He gets a really bad feeling about this.

"I brought him along because he seemed similar to your Jaw Titan. But I wasn't sure if you'd feel uncomfortable because of that."

"My Porco's cuter," Eren assures her.

She rolls her eyes in response.

"But he seems like a good guy. Reasonable, too... If I had to compare, I'd say he comes off as more level-headed than Porco. But again, Porco's much cuter."

"I see... He's going to be on your duty from now on."

"So you can run away more easily?" Eren asks.

She grins. "You know it!"

*

They talk about nothing important, keeping it as light as they can. And when they finish their tea, Eren decides to head back to his room. Wouldn't do to stay alone with a girl in a room for too long. His heart only belongs to Porco, after all.

Eren cheerfully waves goodbye and steps out.

"You two sounded like you were having fun," comes a rather annoyed voice.

Jean is leaning against the wall, looking irritated. He has his arms crossed in front of him. It's the perfect picture of a pissed boyfriend. And if Eren hadn't known about Historia's preference, he would have wondered.

"Did you want to be invited?" Eren asks. "We weren't saying anything private. You could have easily come in if you wanted to see Historia."

The irritation seems to be tinted in embarrassment now, Eren notes. Jean opens his mouth and then closes it. He looks torn between yelling at Eren and explaining to him exactly why he's so crossed. Eren raises a brow in a challenge.

"Look, I get that you guys out here don't have royalty and all that out here. But show some respect, will you? That's our Queen you're gossiping over tea with."

...

It seems Eren might have misunderstood something huge here.

*

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Your... Q-Queen? W-why would someone that important be here in Liberio? A-and... W-why the hell was she walking around Liberio without any proper guards or servants or-"

"Why do you think I'm so frustrated?" Jean snaps. "And on top of that, instead of bringing someone with higher rank who has served the royal family, she forced me to come along! Do you know what that does to my relationship with my higher ups? I'm going to be lucky if I'm not put on toilet-cleaning duty for the rest of my..."

Eren quickly looks away to hide his laugh. So that's what it is. He thought that Jean was probably put on Historia duty to make sure their Attack Titan didn't get lost or stolen. To think there was another layer to the story...

"You find my troubles funny?"

"Y-you have to admit that it's pretty funny," he manages out between giggles.

Jean shoots him a nasty look in response. But he seems to understand where Eren is coming from, because he looks to be sulking.

"But when did she become a Queen? Reiner never-"

Eren sees Jean move before it registers in his head what he said wrong. Jean grabs Eren by the front of his shirt with a nasty scowl on his face.

"Don't say that _traitor's_ name in front of me again," Jean growls lowly.

That was Eren's bad. Unlike Eren who finally got the time to talk to Reiner, these guys have sat on their hate and betrayal for the past three years. This reaction Jean showed him just now is the same as how Eren reacted when Reiner first returned without Marcel.

"Sorry," Eren says, wincing slightly. "That was bad of me."

Jean makes a face like he's angry at himself. He releases Eren and rubs the back of his neck, looking like he's doing his best to rein the last of his anger in.

"No. You didn't know. I shouldn't have gotten that mad. Sorry, too."

"You're a good kid, Jea-Jack."

"Don't ruin it." There's a small pause before Jean adds, "The answer to your question, by the way, is about a year ago when she ate... A-anyways, two days before we left for this mission, she suddenly declared that she'll be coming along. It was the most stressful time to be in the Military Police. No matter what anyone said or pleaded, she ignored all of them and said she just needed me as a guard."

Eren recalls how willful Historia was back in Liberio, especially inside of the Marleyan restaurant. He imagines obeying that kind of headstrong person's orders can get rather tiring. After all, it's tiring to listen to Marleyan higher ups' orders at times.

"We both have rather troublesome bosses, don't we?"

"What are you talking about? She's not my boss. She's my Queen," Jean corrects with a confused frown.

Eren sighs and sorely misses Porco, who would've laughed and joked along.

"It was a... Never mind."

*

Jean doesn't seem to care too much on making Eren return to his room, so Eren decides to walk around again. It feels weird to have someone follow him just a few steps behind, but he supposes this is what Historia meant by Jean will be on Eren duty. If there's just one thing that's bothering both of them, it's the simple fact that the person who was following Eren around before is now following both of them.

Eren contemplates picking a fight. But Jean seems like the troublesome kind of guy who would get involved on purpose...

Decisions, decisions.

His eyes catch sight of a door next to a window. Could it be? Is that the exit? If Eren were to open that right now, would everyone inside be flung out? Wait, before he does something so irresponsible, he should consider what that would mean. It looked like they were flying over a forest from peering out the window earlier. Combined with the speed that they're flying at, it's quite likely they're still in Marleyan territory. If Eren could get down somehow, he should be able to make his escape and save himself...

If he could get down...

No matter how he turns it in his head, there's no way that he'll be able to get down safely to pass the message!

Maybe if he were able to steal one of their vertical maneuvering gears... But there's no chance of that happening, so he shouldn't focus on something so fantastical.

"How are you enjoying looking around the ship?"

Eren feels himself tense. He has to remind himself to be calm for a few seconds before he can finally turn to face Erwin's charming smile. Behind him, he's vaguely aware of Jean saluting.

"Shocked, actually. I didn't think you guys would have enough technological know-how to be able to build a blimp."

Erwin chuckles. "We took it from the air yard in Liberio."

That makes more sense. There's no way that the Navy would have something like a blimp on hand either. They might have smaller aircraft for emergency situations, but they won't be able to afford to put a blimp this size on their ship, especially not when they were trying to fight Paradis.

"Have you ridden in these often?" Erwin asks, making a vague motion around them.

"No. Blimps are for higher class Marleyans. I doubt even the Commander of the Warrior Division has ridden on one," Eren answers lightly.

It's there for just a second. The softest of a nostalgic smile as if Erwin is recalling a fond memory close to his heart. Eren wonders if this man realizes just how much of Bertolt he's letting through. Or perhaps it's just that Erwin never had a chance to deal with Bertolt before? And now that he's in Bertolt's hometown, meeting people Bertolt had been close to, he's starting to falter?

Well, it's a nice enough thought, even though Eren can't bring himself to believe it. Bertolt wasn't a strong person. He was easily overwhelmed by the smallest of pushes. There's no way for Bertolt to win against someone like Erwin.

"Then I hope you enjoy this little treat from us," Erwin says, looking less like Bertolt now.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to bribe me."

Erwin chuckles and holds his hands out in front of himself to show that he has nothing hidden. Eren doesn't believe it for a second.

"You know, I'm rather shocked that you took a Marleyan with you to fly this blimp," Eren mentions.

"We didn't," Erwin assures him with a proud smile. "One of our own is flying it. You probably thought of us as technologically backwards, but we're quite good at picking things up."

That's all Erwin. There's no more sign of Bertolt. Eren wonders if maybe he saw the last of Bertolt. Just a bit, he hopes so. He wants his former comrade to move on and not cling to life when he's long dead.

"Color me impressed. I didn't think any of the pilots would give up the daily code that easily."

Erwin's smile freezes on his face. Even without him saying anything, Eren realizes with dread that this guy probably had no idea about the daily code.

"What uh... is that?" Erwin asks slowly.

"We're at war. Even if it's a friendly ship flying overhead, there's no guarantee that it is," Eren begins.

Erwin curses softly under his breath. It seems he caught on even though Eren didn't finish saying everything. He supposes he doesn't blame Erwin for not knowing. It's a relatively new system that was put in place after an attack from what seemed to be a friendly ship about a year ago. From what Eren gathered, it seemed neutrals and allies are all given different codes that change monthly while Marleyan-operated ships are always changed daily.

Almost as if to mock them for not knowing this beforehand, the blimp begins to shake violently. Bright red light flashes all around them as the sound for alarm goes off. Confused and panicked Paradis Eldians began to yell, trying to figure out what's going on.

Eren covers his face and just barely holds back his urge to scream.

"W-what's going on?" Jean asks.

"Oh, nothing much. Just the Marleyans on the ground realizing you're not an ally and firing," Eren manages out more calmly than he expected.

Something must have hit the blimp rather critically. The entire place shakes and begins to turn, knocking them all off the ground and onto the wall of the blimp.

Eren wonders if maybe he should have chosen to stay behind in Liberio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The high of victory from battle disappears almost instantly when Porco sees the expression on Pieck's face. It's not just Pieck either. That same expression is shared across those who was benched for this battle. The expression of despair and fear. 
> 
> "Did something happen?" Zeke asks at the same time Commander Magath orders, "Report."
> 
> Pieck opens her mouth and then quickly covers it to stifle a soft sob. Porco feels his heart sink. Colt glances at Pieck for a second before he speaks up with a shaky voice.
> 
> "Liberio was bombed."
> 
> It doesn't sink in. Porco understands that Colt just said something, but his brain isn't processing those words. 
> 
> The children cling tightly to Pieck and Colt. They probably want to be comforted, but it's hard to focus on that when...
> 
> Liberio was...?
> 
> "That can't be true!" Magath's second snaps. "We would've heard something like that through an SOS. Don't make up dumb lies to go home."
> 
> T-that's right. There's no way that something like that happened. Liberio is where the top heads of the Marleyan government and military are. If something happened there, the Warrior Division is the first to be pulled back to protect them. 
> 
> So why can't Porco believe that?
> 
> "T-their lines were cut."
> 
> Magath holds his hand up to stop his second from yelling anymore. 
> 
> "And how did you hear about this?" he asks seriously.
> 
> "The towns and cities near Liberio saw smoke go up. They sent messages to Liberio to ask if everything was alright and received no answer. So they reported it to us."
> 
> Magath's second pales at those words. No, no. Don't do that. Get mad. Please, get mad. Because as long as he's mad, that means there's a chance that this is all just a tasteless prank. Liberio isn't... It can't...
> 
> "We're going to Liberio," Magath declares.
> 
> From their location, getting to Liberio will take around six hours on their airship. That's not mentioning all the last minute orders to hold down the fort that Magath (and Zeke) has to give before things can be declared "ok" to leave. Damn it. Damn it. That's too long of a time. If Liberio really was then...
> 
> He finds himself back in the ruble of Base Rupes. Is that going to happen again? Are they going to arrive much too late again?
> 
> Is Eren...?
> 
> Porco slaps his cheeks. Eren will be fine. They promised. They will see each other again. Porco has to just hang onto his sanity until they can.
> 
> They will meet again.


	26. our message for each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you hear that? It's the sound of me breaking out all the one-shots I want to work on after this is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren is fine, Porco stubbornly tells himself despite the worried looks on everyone else's faces. Because if he doesn't believe it, then that's the same as calling Eren dishonest. And Eren might have lied to him here and there, but Eren has never broken a promise. 
> 
> Therefore, Eren has to be fine. 
> 
> So Porco turns his worry towards those he isn't sure will be okay. His parents, for one. Eren's folks, especially Eren's grandparents. The bookstore employer and employees. The ice cream vendor who only stop by the interment zone whenever he hears that one of the Warriors are in town. His neighbors, who always felt like they were overbearing, but damn it, Porco's known them all his life.
> 
> "W-what if... m-mom and dad are...?" 
> 
> "Falco," Colt snaps, catching everyone's attention. His face falls when he sees his little brother flinch. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Colt says, "W-we can't... be sure of anything. I know this isn't what you want to hear from me, but we... should prepare ourselves for the worst."
> 
> No one dares to glance towards the Grice brothers. It's not like they'll be able to say anything comforting either. At this moment in time, believing blindly that everything will turn out fine will just end up hurting them more when they arrive. 
> 
> Porco knows that.
> 
> He really does.
> 
> But he believes that Eren will be okay anyways. 
> 
> It's something that Eren mentioned while they were waiting for Marcel. That Marcel had the ability to turn any kind of lies into the truth. 
> 
> Porco isn't so naive to believe that he is on the same level as his dead brother. And it's not quite that he believes that Eren can pull a miracle like that, either. But...
> 
> They're not useless kids who stood by on the sidelines while everyone rushed past them. At least, not anymore. They've both fought in wars and stood on the battlefield against all sorts of enemies. 
> 
> Eren is fine.
> 
> They promised, you see. And Porco is positive that they can turn that into the truth.

Eren feels Jean's body slam into his and hears a crack of wood that makes him want to cry. Because that has to be the sound of his crutch breaking. And damn it. Can't these people please have an ounce of respect for the crippled? That's not asking for much, is it?

Then Jean braces himself, gripping the wall that's now their floor. And belatedly, Eren realizes that Jean is using himself as a seatbelt of sorts to keep Eren from getting injured as the blimp continues to come under fire. Why is this guy so damned cool?

"C-C-Commander, what should we do?"

Eren is rather proud of his ears to be able to pick up the question in the middle of panic and sirens. Because if he hadn't, this next part of the exchange would have caught him too off-guard to stop properly.

"Stabilize the ship. I'll go and-"

"Don't you dare! You are the Colossal Titan. If you release your titan here, you'll set the entire forest ablaze!" Eren yells.

Erwin doesn't look too shocked that Eren knew about his titan, even though Jean does. But this is really not the time to pause, now is it?

"Get Hange," Erwin orders.

*

Eren supposes that he should give credit to the Paradisian pilot for keeping calm enough to land the blimp into the Female Titan's arms. She sets them safely down on the ground, stomps out some of the more urgent fires, and runs off, probably to deal with the people who shot them down. Eren can't quite tell from where he is, but he imagines that the monster Ackerman went with her with few other soldiers.

But now the focus is...

It's not quite that he regrets making these guys leave medical supplies back in Liberio. He can't regret that. In that situation, the people of Liberio needed those more. But he understands that the panic and chaos before him right now is partly because of that decision he made.

He has partial responsibility for causing this.

"Sorry about your crutch," Jean says, wincing as he holds the broken parts of the crutch for Eren to look at.

"You didn't have to go and get it."

More importantly, why the hell did Jean think to prioritize that when there's plenty of broken tree branches all around them that Eren can use? Shouldn't they all be more worried about pulling everyone to safety and looking over the injured? Why doesn't human life come first for these people?

"But how else will you walk? I don't want to keep carrying you," Jean says. He looks irritated as he glares at the broken parts of the crutch as if to will it back together.

Eren picks up a sturdy-looking branch next to him and uses it as a cane. Jean's expression goes blank. It seems this thought didn't occur to him. So perhaps it was less of "Eren's life is more important as a hostage" and more of "there's a lot of things happening right now and it's hard to think clearly."

"How is the status?" Eren asks, nodding at the destruction.

After the blimp was placed on the ground, Jean evacuated Eren to a spot further away from the rest of the people before returning for the broken parts of the crutch. And now, everyone is scrambling to help each other or get supplies out of the blimp. Erwin is shouting orders with a grim expression on his face. It's odd to see that charming smile gone, but Eren supposes smiling right now wouldn't be very "leader"-like.

"Bad. Squad Leader Hange is our main doctor," Jean says.

He doesn't have to say more. Eren gets it. Who the hell only brings one doctor, especially if said doctor is their titan shifter? As soon as he feels just a twinge of irritation from the question, he realizes the answer. Of course, they would try to minimize important personnel they'll be taking. This is an away mission to a far away place that none of the Paradis Eldians have been before. Everyone they brought are those they are prepared to lose. If anything, the strange thing is that they brought their Queen along.

Eren wonders if Historia has already appointed the next in line before she came. He imagines so. Besides, if Paradis didn't make her do that before she came, he... he honestly fears for their future. Or perhaps that is the point? They're giving everything up on this suicide run?

"Alright. Then I'll step in."

Jean immediately stops Eren. "Are you actually going to? Or is this a ploy to kill us?"

If Eren was still a spy, he supposes he would've failed. It didn't even occur to him that he could use this chance for something like that. He wonders if that makes him too soft. But even if it does, he doesn't think he can bring himself to pretend that this isn't his problem that he didn't have a hand in causing.

"Guess."

It takes Jean a few seconds to register that. Eren sniggers at the look of utter bafflement on Jean's face. Then he decides to take pity on the guy and taps Jean's chest.

"If you think I shouldn't, I'll defer to your judgement. But right now, isn't doing something better than standing around?"

There's a small pause as Jean seems to consider that. With a heavy sigh, he nods.

"Any sign of foul play, and I'm pulling you back out here."

"Fine."

*

"You've got to be kidding me. Like hell we can trust him!" A red-haired young man snaps, pointing an accusing finger in Eren's direction.

Eren grins cheerfully at the look of scorn. "And if you keep doing what you're doing, your patient's going to end up without a leg like me."

"You're just saying that! We set your hometown on fire. We killed bunch of your neighbors, friends, and family. There's no way that you'll help us!"

"Oh, so you are aware of what you did," Eren says lightly.

The red-haired young man scowls but can't seem to come up with a good enough response. The other Paradis Eldians have the decency to refuse to meet Eren's eyes. And really, that's enough. Eren is fine with taking that as their apology and move on. Because at the end of the day, they're all just trying desperately to survive in the only way they know how.

By eliminating anyone that stands in their way.

"My family... The people of Liberio that were killed or left in critical... They're not coming back. Whether I help you guys or not, that's not going to change."

"Hah! Look at you, pretending to be all high and mighty now!" the red-haired young man scoffs. "You think we didn't see you grab Commander Erwin in anger? You're just itching to off us for what we did. I know how snakes like you work. I bet you sent them a message to shoot us down from the sky!"

"Floch, that's enough!" Jean snaps.

Marco steps forward to stop Jean from physically lashing out. Eren thought that would be all, but then Marco turns to the rest of the gathered people.

"I know we are all tense from what just happened. But Eren helped me out back in Liberio. Even though his leg is like that, he faced against a titan without any hesitation and dragged me back to their base for medical attention. When everyone around him protested against it and tried to kill me, he protected me. Please give him this chance."

What the hell are these two doing? Why are they backing Eren up like this? As Jean said, if things get too much, they can just pull back. There's no need to try to convince everyone like this. What even is that going to accomplish? Jean is already isolated due to his position as a Military Police member and for being Historia's guard. Him defending Eren like this is going to only widen that gap. And if Marco gets involved like this, then he'll end up with a target on his back, too.

Can't these two figure out something that simple?

Tch. Looks like Eren has to go save them. Honestly, they keep underestimating him. He can handle himself just fine.

Still, it'll be a lie if he said he didn't feel touched.

"I don't mind if you bad-mouth me if it's warranted. But can you not make me sound stupid?" Eren asks.

They all turn to look at him with slight frozen looks on their faces. Even Jean and Marco look confused. That's fine.

Eren is used to playing the "bad" Eldian.

"Alright. Let's say that. For just a bit, let's ignore all the people injured and the ridiculousness of the notion of Marleyans firing down a blimp on the orders of an Eldian. Let's ignore the fact that in this scenario, I risk my own life if the blimp fell down wrong. And let's discuss your concerns."

The red-haired young man flinches when Eren keeps his eyes trained on him. Heh. That's right. This is for you. Listen carefully as to why such short-term thoughts are stupid beyond belief. Man. No wonder even Reiner was able to trick these people if they can't think such simple things through.

"I kill off the people who are the most injured here, and then? What happens after that? The rest of you kill me for revenge? Oh wait, you can't do that. You need me to convince Mid-East Allied Forces to be on your side. So maybe you'll do something lighter. Maybe get rid of my other leg. It's not like you need me to walk or anything, right? Oh, but wait! You don't have any doctors! What if you cut off my leg and I end up losing my life? Haha! That would be quite terrible for everyone involved, wouldn't it?"

Eren giggles at the look of shock and disbelief. Did this really not occur to them? What's it like to live in a world where you don't have to think like this every day for every little thing, every little decision? Eren can't imagine how dull their brains must get.

"Well, since I don't want to die. Let's put that aside and consider your next point. The idea of me killing everyone here. It'll be pretty simple actually. All I have to do is take advantage of the current situation and poison everyone. You guys won't realize exactly what killed you until you're writhing on the ground. And then? Then what happens? How the fuck do you think I'm supposed to survive alone in this forest with one leg? What? You think one of the 'nice' Marleyan who shot us down is going to save me? The minute they see anyone who isn't one of their own, they'll just kill me on the spot."

Eren grins at the red-haired young man (Floch, was it?).

"So in your eyes, what exactly do you see as incentive for me to kill everyone? Short-sighted 'glory?' A sense of accomplishment before I die?"

Floch seems to be unable to come up with a retort. His face turns as red as his hair as he sputters. Eren knows he's not making any friends by saying something like this, but that's fine. It's not like he wants to be friends with Paradis Eldians. Besides, it'll be better for both Jean and Marco to remember that, too.

"Move aside if you have nothing more to say. If we waste time like this, someone might die. Then where will I be without any protection?"

The Paradis Eldians look disgusted by Eren's words. When Eren takes a step towards one of the injured, they move to block him. And just a little, Eren wonders if maybe he said something wrong somewhere. He can feel Jean's annoyance aimed at his back, and look, Eren's trying really hard to figure out what he did wrong, alright? This typically works with other Marleyans... Where did he go wrong?

A sudden hand on Eren's shoulder makes him flinch. Even before the person speaks, Eren knows that it's Erwin. Who else would make such a bold move?

"Can you help them?"

Erwin's eyes are terrifyingly intense. It's not desperation. If Eren were to say that there's nothing he can do, Erwin would probably accept that as is. No, this feels more like a test. This man is assessing Eren's... Eren's what exactly? His worth was already decided when the Mid-East Allied Forces pointed him as someone the Paradis Eldians can use. So what is Erwin trying to figure out?

"Isn't that what I just said?" Eren asks softly.

That glint in Erwin's eyes is bad news. It seems too much like the glint of an addict when they finally get their hands on their drug. Or perhaps a better comparison would be a gambler who has been rewarded with a high-risk play. It leaves a rather nasty taste in Eren's mouth to know that whatever it was that Erwin bet on, it was rewarded by Eren's decision just now.

"Alright," Erwin says, nodding. "Then I'll support you."

Without giving Eren a chance to recover, Erwin turns to the rest of his soldiers. He does not remove his hand from Eren's shoulder. How condescending.

"I understand your concerns, but Eren here isn't our enemy. I'll take all responsibility for anything that happens. So for now, please aid him in any way possible to help as many of the injured as we can."

This reeks of foul play. Eren doesn't like this at all. But it's too late to back out of this now.

He should focus on the injured. Once everyone is fine, then they can go back to killing each other or whatever.

*

"Anything I can do to help?" Historia asks as she approaches Eren.

Titan healing sure is great. Neither Historia nor Erwin has a single scratch. But that also means that Eren can reliably ask the two of them to run errands for him. Except, of course, Erwin has disappeared somewhere (Eren wouldn't be shocked if Erwin gave support to Eren like that to keep him distracted from seeing whatever secret the Paradis Eldians have to hide. If that's the case, then Eren better find an excuse to escape... as soon as he's done taking care of the injured, of course).

"How good are you with herbs?" Eren asks her.

"Pretty good. Need some for medicine?"

He nods, feeling relieved. "I asked Jean and Marco, but they were both pretty clueless."

She sniggers. "That's what happens when you ask inner-city boys. Leave it to me."

"It feels kinda weird that I'm sending out a queen to pick herbs."

"That's because I'm an awesome queen."

It's not until he's laughing that he realizes just how stressed he had felt until that moment. And thanks to laughing just a bit, he feels tad bit better. He shoots her a thankful grin and is rewarded with an innocent smile like she has no idea what he's thanking her for.

He sees the charm in following a queen like her.

*

"H-hey!"

Eren pauses in helping wrapping bandages around a burn wound to glance up at the red-haired young man from before. What was his name? Floch?

"I got this," Marco tells Eren quickly, making a motion for Eren to go see what that guy wants.

From that simple gesture, Eren understands that whatever is going to happen, it's going to take a long time. Does he have the patience to deal with this? Well, he supposes he can always use the injured as an excuse to run away...

"Yes?" Eren asks Floch.

There's a scowl on Floch's face that seems to scream this guy absolutely hates this. Either he's been forced to come do this (Seeing that Eren hasn't seen Jean in a while, he has an inkling of a feeling he might know why Floch is here) or he is greatly hurting his pride by standing in front of Eren right now. Really, Eren doesn't need him to talk to him. They can go back to ignoring each other. It's fine.

"T-thank you."

Oh no, Eren just barfed a little in his mouth. Why the hell is he being thanked for?!

"N-no wait. I-I meant... S-sorry. For the things I said. I-I'm not sorry for what we did, though. You guys deserved all of that and more! B-but... you are helping us now, and... y-your skills are good. This doesn't mean I trust you or anything. It just means that I'm acknowledging your skill. So don't misunderstand!"

Eren tilts his head, trying to comprehend this scene before him. Is there really any need to waste time by saying something like this? Whether Eren is hated by this guy or not doesn't matter in the long term.

But he's not a complete asshole.

"Pfft... I get it, I get it. I'm the bad guy, right?"

Floch stares at Eren for a beat longer before that must have sunk in. His face turns as red as his hair again as he does his utmost best to pretend that he isn't sputtering. Eren can't help but to laugh at that. Now that they've gotten past the initial hostility, the Paradis Eldians are rather cute.

"It's fine, Floch," Eren tells him. "I won't misunderstand. You have your own situation. Likewise, I have mine. You don't have to say more than that."

"But why does it have to be like that?!" Floch yells, making Eren flinch.

What the hell is this guy talking about??? They were just about done with this conversation, weren't they? Why did it suddenly explode into this?

"Doesn't it bother you? I... didn't want to bring it up, but Jean broke it down for me."

So that guy did do something so troublesome. Eren doesn't understand why Jean bothered. At the end of the day, they are enemies. Does Jean still not understand that?

"Why do you want to be seen as a villain? You could have just explained that you're a good person who wanted to help people and-"

"And you would have believed me?" Eren asks.

Floch flinches. "M-maybe not at first but..."

"I showed you exactly what you wanted to see. And in return, I got what I wanted. Knowing that, can you still say that I'm a 'good' person?"

"See? You're doing it again! And I almost fell for it! But I have my eyes on you now. You're not going to get me again. I know your secret, Eren Jaeger! Unlike the rest of those scumbags, you are actually a good person! ... Ah, could it be? You had no choice but to pretend to be like this because of circumstances?"

Eren feels like there's a huge misunderstanding building here.

Floch puts a hand on Eren's shoulder with pitying eyes. "That must have been so hard for you. Don't worry. We are here now. I'm sure it'll take you some time to get used to, but you don't have to pretend like that anymore. You can be who you are. We'll make it so that you can be free! You can just rely on me... I-I mean us! You can rely on us!"

What...? Just how did he come to this conclusion...?

"E-Eren! W-what should I do?" Marco yells in panic.

Perfect timing.

"My patient calls," Eren says quickly.

He gets out of there as quickly as his one leg balanced by a cane would allow. For his sanity's sake, he decides to put Floch out of his mind for now.

*

"There you are," Erwin says cheerfully.

He stands over where Eren is working, blocking the precious few light they have before the sun disappears past the trees. If the patient Eren was looking over was someone more critical, Eren would most definitely would have snapped. But as it is, even with this little light, Eren can do something as simple as applying splinters to broken bones.

"As you can see, I'm rather busy," Eren tells him.

"I'll get out of your way soon. But I figured you'd like this."

Erwin places a lantern in front of Eren with a wide grin on his face. The source of it doesn't seem like it's from a candle, though. It doesn't flicker as flames would. Huh? But Reiner didn't mention anything about Paradis having enough technology to have electricity... Oh! Iceburst stones! When Reiner explained that that's what powered the vertical maneuvering gears, Zeke theorized that it might be made from titans. Eren hadn't really paid more attention to it at the time. He's regretting it a little right now.

"Hm? What's wrong? Are you curious about this lamp?" Erwin asks lightly.

The grin on his face makes it clear that he brought this on purpose. He's baiting Eren with iceburst stone. Annoying. This damned man is so damned annoying.

"No. It's iceburst stone-powered lamp, right?"

Erwin actually looks disappointed. "You've heard of it already? Ah. That's right. Cadet Braun probably informed you. What a shame, I was looking forward to teaching you."

Eren feels a shiver go down his spine. What the hell does that even mean? Why would anyone want to teach their enemy about their natural resources? Did Erwin want to brag? No, this man is more cunning than that. There has to be something more to this. Is it because of whatever bet Erwin won when Eren decided to help the people here?

"If you have that little to do, why don't you help your injured men?"

"And I will. But first, I believe we have a conversation we never got to finish."

"I don't recall such a thing," Eren tells him honestly as he finishes up with the splint.

Erwin smiles like he thinks Eren is a slow child who needs infinite patience. It's mocking.

"So you're not interested at all in knowing what I want to use you for?"

This is a clear bait. Like hell Erwin would actually tell Eren the truth. He just wants to dangle this in front of Eren to watch him squirm. Then calmly, Eren should go about his business.

He reaches over and picks up the lantern and stands up. Without giving Erwin another second of attention, he moves on to the next patient.

"We should still have some balm left for burn wounds. Hold on, I'll go get-"

"Here you go," Erwin says, holding a familiar container for Eren to take with a charming smile.

"Are you just going to follow me around until I listen to you?" Eren asks as he takes the container with a mumbled thank you.

Erwin laughs brightly like they're good friends joking around. "I thought you wanted me to look over my injured men."

Damn this man. Does he find it funny to make fun of a kid half his age? Okay, fine. Eren probably doesn't count as a kid anymore. But he's most definitely younger than Erwin. Erwin must be what? As old as Grisha? Older? Probably younger than Eren's grandpa, though, right? ... It's probably rude to ask.

Eren puts the lamp down so he can focus on applying the balm. At least, he would have liked to focus on this, if not for Erwin staring holes at him. What? Is this guy just going to stand there and stare until Eren listens to what he has to say? How did a childish guy like this end up becoming such a feared Commander?

"Fine," Eren grits out. "Enlighten me. What do you plan on using me for?"

He pretends that he can't feel Erwin brighten. Ugh. You're a grown man. You have men to lead. Act mature, why don't you? Even Zeke plays the cool War Chief in front of his men.

"By now, you should have more or less come to the same conclusion as I have about what the Mid-East Allied Forces will do in terms of being Paradis’ ally.”

Like hell that's even a question. If Mid-East Allied Forces are willing to swallow their pride of working with Eldians, then most definitely, the plan is to make the two titan forces face against each other. It won't matter who is remaining as the victor. They will wipe out whoever is left. It's a classic three-way tactic to use that benefits the Mid-East the most.

"I want to make a more permanent allegiance."

That would require them to defeat the Warriors first. Eren isn't so foolish as to believe that a flawless victory can be achieved in that kind of a battle. Not to mention many people would end up being hurt in a clash between multiple titans. In that kind of situation, Erwin really believes that the Mid-East Allied Forces will keep any kind of word on an allegiance with Eldians?

"My thought process was to use the iceburst stones as part of the negotiation. If we can offer something more than just the titans, that should begin to show the rest of the world that we are more than just weapons to be used."

Naive. The world has lived for too long believing that Eldians are monsters. There's no way that that mindset can be changed so easily by waving around a resource. More than likely, that resource will end up just being taken and the rest of Paradis wiped out. Eren could probably go even a step further and say that every Eldian by that point will be killed to ensure no one will become a titan again. Either that or whichever side takes over afterwards will take on the "Marley" role of monopolizing the titan power.

"But to even begin that kind of negotiation, we will need someone who not only can vouch for us, but also have the respect and trust of everyone else."

... N-no way. This guy isn't thinking...?

"What do you think about working with me?" Erwin asks with a grin.

Eren buys himself some thinking time by pretending to be focused on applying the balm.

Let's put aside the ridiculousness of the thought of an Eldian negotiating for a bit. So Erwin's grand plan was to make Eren vouch for them? Because he thinks that the Mid-East Allied Forces will listen to Eren? Hah! Right, right. They're putting aside the ridiculousness of that for now. First, there's the issue of making the rest of the world see Eldians as something aside from monsters or tools. And believe Eren when he says that that's near impossible (In small groups, he's seen it work. But would it really work for a bigger group? Can he really make it work for the rest of the world?). Second, there's the problem of making iceburst stones look valuable when compared to gasoline and electricity. Eren doesn't think this part will be too hard to do, but it'll be selling that thought to the others that will be. Third...

"Are you seriously asking for my help after you turned my family into pure titans and set my hometown on fire?" 

He didn't realize just how angry he had felt about that. The words tumble out of his mouth with such venom and force that it surprises him. This is the problem with holding everything in. He ends up exploding at the worst possible moment. But right now, he needs to be calm. He can't deal with Erwin without a clear head.

"Yes," Erwin says without a hint of shame. "Of course, I'm not asking for help for free. I'll do whatever you want of me as atonement. You want an equal amount of Paradisians to die as did in Liberio? Sure. That can be done. You want to turn some of us into pure titans before killing us? That's fine, too. Ask away."

That grin on Erwin's face says that he knows Eren would never ask of those things. How frustrating. So that must have been what Erwin has been assessing all this time. The things to offer to Eren to have him be their spokesperson. And what? When Eren fails to get them what they want (because, of course, he will. He's an Eldian. No one will listen to him), they'll kill him and move on with life?

What an awful deal.

"Present to me Ackerman's head. Then we'll talk," Eren says lightly.

Hah. Take that. There's no way that Erwin would ever even consider-

"Levi's head? That's all you want? Sure. That's easy!"

T-that's... a joke, right?

Eren slowly turns to face Erwin. It's a grim smile on Erwin's face, but he looks determined. This guy will actually do it. If Eren asks for it, he will sacrifice his best soldier? The one that they believe to be "humanity's strongest?" So Eren can get rid of the source of Zeke's nightmare with a wave of his hand right now?

He could defang Paradis right here.

He could...

"Isn't Levi supposed to be one of your best man? Aren't you too willing to sacrifice him?"

Erwin chuckles, seemingly not minding Eren's question. "Does it come across that way? But given your track record, I have full confidence that you won't ask for Levi's head in the end. Nor will you ask for anyone else's life to compensate for those that were lost."

If Erwin thinks he knows about Eren just because of what he's seen thus far, then he has another thing coming. Does he think Eren is a Warrior Candidate for looks? He has dirtied his hands for worse.

"Because you are the opposite of me," Erwin concludes.

Eren doesn't know what to say to that. His insistence of having Levi's head flies out of his mind.

"What are you talking about?" he asks blankly.

"As you said," Erwin says, motioning to himself, "I am the type of person who does not believe in equality of all living things. But you are not like that. You treat all living thing as precious. Otherwise, why would you have bothered to have saved both Marleyans and Eldians back in Liberio? Why else would you be working right now to help my men?"

T-that's because... Liberio was one thing since that's his hometown. Who the hell would ever want to see their hometown become that kind of a wreck? In that situation, there was nothing to do but help everyone. And right now is... It's because Eren felt guilty because it's partly his fault that no one has medical supplies. It has nothing to do with Eren's own moral values!

For two seconds, can these damned Paradis Eldians stop treating Eren like some kind of a good person?! His hands are as bloody as the rest of them. Stop pretending like Eren's some kind of a saint who has never killed, never tortured, never hurt someone else. He is a Warrior Candidate. Stop putting him down!

"So you thought you'd just use my 'good' nature to twist my arm to do your bidding without paying for anything?" Eren asks.

Erwin laughs. "Once again, I do plan on atoning and paying you back in any way you wish. If what you ask for is too little, I plan on giving you more until it's even between us. Don't you think that's a better deal than what you currently have with Marley?"

So that's his aim. Slyly sidetrack Eren so that the demand for Levi's head will be forgotten. Make it seem like it was Eren's plan all along because he is "too kind" to ever ask for someone's life in payment. It's probably a kind thing that Erwin did. After all, the other Paradis Eldians are currently listening in to their conversation. Eren is hated as is because of his position and his relation to Zeke. But if he were to ask for their strongest soldier's death on top of that, there'd be hell to pay.

He promised Porco that they'd meet again. If he's going to die for asking that monster's death, then it'll have to wait until after he sees Porco again.

Eren closes the balm and gives his patient a small smile, which is hesitantly returned. He passes the balm back to Erwin.

"I'm not betraying my comrades."

Erwin doesn't seem bothered at all by that. Instead, he grins widely as if Eren just gave him a hint.

"Then all we need to do is convince the Warriors to be on our side, no?"

"They won't side with you after what you did in Liberio."

There's a soft chuckle as Erwin puts the balm in his pocket. He unclasps his cape and puts it around Eren's shoulders. Eren doesn't like that smirk on this man's face. Nor does he like how uncomfortably close this position puts Erwin.

"Even if your life is on the line?" Erwin whispers lowly. Then he takes a step back with a gentle smile. "It'll get cold at night. Stay warm."

Erwin leaves without giving Eren another chance to response.

With shaky hands, Eren reaches for the damned cape to rip it off of him. But his fingers keep fumbling with the clasp. Damn it. Damn it. Why the hell is he so caught off-guard? He already knows that Erwin won't risk Eren's life. Right now, Eren's life is worth too much to Erwin for that... but Zeke doesn't know that. Zeke doesn't know that, and Eren's sweet older brother is the type to completely lose his cool when Eren is threatened. This is the worst possible-

Two warm hands grab Eren's, snapping him out of his thoughts and stopping him from messing any further with the cape.

Marco gives a small but encouraging smile.

"Why don't we rest a bit?" he asks. "You've been looking over everyone nonstop. All the most critical injuries have been taken care of. I asked Jean to pick up something for us to eat. So let's find a place to sit down. Okay?"

*

One possibility is to betray the Warrior Division.

Eren puts on a show. Say something completely unforgivable like... "I'm the one who made it possible for Paradis to destroy Liberio." The Warriors would take that to mean Eren is siding with the enemy and...

_"I told you. I'll be on your side. So if that's what you want to do, I'll stand with you."_

Was Reiner really serious when he said that? Do those words still hold the same amount of weight as they did when Reiner first said them? Then isn't that the same as saying Reiner will betray the Warriors to follow Eren? If so, then wouldn't that just end up with the Warrior Division falling apart from the inside? The only person who would win in that instance is Erwin.

Not to mention Eren doesn't think he can break Porco's heart like that again. And that's not speaking of the fact that Zeke only has Eren left now that everyone has...

Okay. That's out.

Then he should...?

"Hey, catch!"

Eren looks up just in time to see something fly towards him. He quickly grabs it, only to realize just how hot it is. His immediate reaction is to drop it. Except huh? Hot? Wait. Is that...?

Marco grabs it before it falls to the ground and shoots Jean a disapproving look.

"There was no need for that," he scolds.

Jean shrugs. "He's a Warrior Candidate, isn't he? He can't do something simple like catching a potato?"

Marco rolls his eyes. He turns to Eren with a more soft smile and holds the potato for Eren to take.

"It's a bit hot. Be careful."

After Hange's talk with him about delicious food, Eren was hoping that they'd be able to eat... better than this. He knows that he's not exactly in a place to complain, but having a single potato for dinner seems much too sad.

"Thank you," he says instead and accepts the potato.

Jean joins Marco and Eren with another potato for Marco. The three of them are settled in a slightly secluded place, just a bit away from the rest of the group. Eren won't be shocked if Marco specifically chose this place to let Eren relax. The lantern Erwin left behind has been placed in the middle to give them some light.

"This is snack to hold us until dinner," Jean informs them. "So don't be thinking this is all we're getting."

That last one is aimed at Eren. Did he look that disappointed? Eren feels his cheeks heat up.

"It just took some time to hunt for meat, so cooking got delayed a bit."

Hunt for meat? Is that even allowed? Then again, it's not like there's much that the locals would be able to do when faced against enemy soldiers. Eren can't imagine what it's like to hunt for meat, though. W-wait. Are they going to be eating rabbits? B-but! R-rabbits are really cute! They surely aren't going to be eating something so adorable, are they?

"By the way, the green cape looks pretty good on you," Jean adds with a teasing grin.

Eren glowers at his potato. Haha. Very funny.

"If it had been you that came..."

Slowly, Eren looks up towards Jean, who doesn't shy away from his gaze.

"I think that would have been better for everyone."

Stop. Don't do that. Don't. Eren has already thought about how that would end up a million and one times. And every single time, all Eren gets is that he really doesn't know. Would he have been able to save Marcel? Would he have broken like Reiner did? Would anything be different? Would things have been worse?

With a smug smirk, Jean concludes with, "After all, you look a thousand times better in green! Haha! I bet the Military Police uniform would look awesome on you."

"No way!" Marco protests, shaking his head with a smile. "Look how great Eren looks in the Survey Corps cape. He definitely looks best with the Wings of Freedom on his back!"

"W-what the hell? I look great in Warrior white, thank you very much!" Eren protests.

But he can't help the tug of amused grin at his lips. And before he knows it, he finds himself laughing. He laughs and laughs and laughs, until he realizes that no, he's not laughing.

He's crying.

The events of today finally catch up with him and pour out before he can stop himself. He thinks he might have felt Marco's hand on his shoulder. He thinks he might have heard Jean trying to cheer him up. But everything gets lost in the choking sobs that wreck him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one speaks. 
> 
> They saw the destruction from the air as they got closer to Liberio. But it still wasn't enough to prepare them to stand in the destroyed streets. 
> 
> Porco wonders what you're supposed to feel in these moments. But right now, he just feels... numb. Like what he's seeing can't be the truth. Like he hasn't quite registered everything yet. But once he does, what kind of devastating grief would he feel? 
> 
> Low-ranking Marleyan soldiers and few Eldians are waiting for the Warrior Division with grim expressions. And if the situation wasn't what it was, Porco would have been shocked by the two groups standing so close together.
> 
> First comes the report of everything that has happened. The explosions, the panic, a few pure titans that the surviving members have glimpsed, the Paradis Eldians, and...
> 
> "War Chief, Eren wanted us to pass along to you to give up on revenge if you plan on chasing after them. He believes that if you cannot keep a calm and collected mind, you will not be able to defeat them."
> 
> They have Eren.
> 
> Eren is alive. He's in enemy hands, but he's alive. He's alive. He's-
> 
> "Mr. Galliard?" a small girl calls, approaching nervously.
> 
> "Yeah?"
> 
> She hesitates for a second before she takes a deep breath. "E-Eren wanted me to tell you t-that..."
> 
> Huh? Instead of packing it together with the rest of the reports, Eren asked a little kid to deliver it? W-wait, doesn't that mean that instead of something serious and related to the attacks, this message is going to be-
> 
> "He loves you! He loves you lots and lots! So you have to go find him!"
> 
> Porco feels his face heat up. He can hear the others stifle their chuckles at his expense. And damn it, this is so embarrassing. Of all the things Eren could have done, he decided to pass a message along like this? That guy is so...
> 
> So...
> 
> "I got the message loud and clear!" Porco declares. "I will find him. No worries! Because I also love him lots and lots!"
> 
> The little girl grins widely, but it's really not for her that he said that. Nor is it for the scattered chuckles in the midst of all this destruction.
> 
> It's for Eren.
> 
> It's for himself.
> 
> Because Eren understood that what Porco needed in this kind of devastation is not comfort or words to prepare for Eren's death. In this situation, what Porco needs is hope, no matter how foolish it is.
> 
> If Eren is waiting for Porco, then that's all he needs to keep himself upright.


	27. our way back to each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He feels impatient.
> 
> It's unfair of him. He knows that. 
> 
> He wants to rush to Eren. He wants to see Eren again. If he can get there even a second faster, then he wants to do it.
> 
> But he knows that he needs to give everyone some time to grieve first. 
> 
> The hospital that Pieck's father was in was destroyed at the start of the attack. Colt and Falco's mom was found, but there's no sign of their dad. The only Jaegers left alive are Zeke and Eren now. It looked like Reiner's mom was fine, even though Gabi's parents are nowhere to be seen. Udo found his uncle, but not his parents. Zofia's dad is currently unconscious on one of the cots of their makeshift clinic.
> 
> Porco's parents didn't make it.
> 
> If Porco stops to think about it, he's pretty sure he's hyperfixated on Eren right now because he doesn't want to focus on that. He's scared. The minute he stops to mourn, he fears he won't know how to pick himself back up to rescue Eren. So he's impatiently waiting for Eren to be by his side before he lets himself drown in grief.
> 
> It's selfish. It's rude. 
> 
> But he knows Eren will hold him in his arms anyways.
> 
> *
> 
> "Hello, Lady of the Tybur Family. I'm a descendant of King Fritz," Historia greets with a fake smile. 
> 
> Even though the blimp crashed, Erwin seems to have made sure to keep the War Hammer Titan as a priority. Her limbs are missing and her mouth has been gagged. She glares up at Historia from the ground. 
> 
> "Oh, don't worry. I... silenced the guards. We'll be alone for a bit."
> 
> The War Hammer Titan makes a muffled sound. Historia tilts her head to the side and giggles.
> 
> "Did you take that to mean I care about your well-being? My, aren't you quite spoiled? Then shall I break it down for you? Erwin kept you alive even though it's a pain instead of giving your titan to someone who can use it. That means to throw his plans off, you can't be alive."
> 
> Historia reaches down and pats her head mockingly.
> 
> "It's for the sake of world peace. Isn't your family all about that?"
> 
> She laughs at the defeated realization in the War Hammer Titan's eyes.

"S-sorry," Eren mumbles when he finally gets himself back under control.

"It's alright," Marco assures him. "You haven't had a chance to register everything that's happened until now. A... lot happened. It's fine to let it out."

Jean reaches over and ruffles Eren's hair. "We won't tell a soul, so don't worry. Your 'villain' image is still intact."

It's too kind. Eren doesn't understand how they can be this gentle to an enemy, especially when Eren's older brother is Zeke.

"I-I'm not on your side. I'll... I'll just end up hurting you."

Jean scoffs, sounding offended. He ruffles Eren's hair so roughly that it hurts.

"Yeah, yeah. Look at me, I'm a scary Warrior Candidate! I'm so mean and evil that I'm going to take the time to look over my injured enemies and make sure they're going to be okay!"

"S-shut it! I-it's not like that!" Eren protests.

Jean laughs. "Of course not! Because you're going to hurt us, right?"

Eren buries his face in his arm so he doesn't get potato on his face. He's certain that he's blushing quite terribly, and he really doesn't like how Jean's laugh seems to get louder.

"B-be nice, Jean!" Marco says. But his voice is shaking with laughter.

Just a little, Eren wonders how Reiner was able to handle this overwhelming guilt.

*

They all know when Hange returns, because of the loud laughter. By then, Eren followed Jean and Marco to join the rest of the Paradis Eldian for dinner.

"We won't be bothered by Marleys!" Hange declares proudly.

"No worries about being followed either," Levi reports. "We returned by flying through the forest. It should take them some time before they can pinpoint our location."

Those words are greeted by loud cheers and merry mood all around. Eren wonders if he should leave to give them this chance to celebrate without souring the mood.

As soon as that thought occurs to him, Hange's eyes find him.

The grin on her face freezes. For just a second, she looks uncertain about what to do. Then...

She walks boldly up to Eren, ignoring everyone else's confused and curious calls for her.

"I aimed for the canons. I couldn't always dodge humans, but I did my best to aim exclusively for their weapons," she says.

Her eyes are serious as she continues to stare at Eren. And he honestly doesn't understand what she wants from him. Is he supposed to praise her for doing something so obvious? Is he supposed to remind her that they're on opposite sides of the war? What is he supposed to say? To do?

When it becomes clear that he's not too sure what to do, Hange gives an apologetic smile.

"Sorry. That was kind of intense, wasn't it? I mean, I didn't kill any more than I should. So you don't have to worry for them. Don't look so scared."

Then her attention shifts towards food, and she leaves without a second's glance back.

"Pfft... Even Squad Leader Hange is worried about you! Hahahaha!" Jean laughs.

"You shut up!" Eren snaps.

He turns to Marco for help when Jean laughs even louder. But Marco has his mouth covered and seems to be struggling to not laugh too loudly. Eren glares at the two of them with a scowl.

"Why are both of you like this?!"

*

Eren realizes the problem of Marco and Jean sticking so close to him while laughing a bit too late.

The other curious soldiers have now gathered around, asking about this and that. It seems that thanks to these two, Eren must have looked like an approachable figure.

"Ehhh? Never? You've never had beef?" one of the soldiers asks in disbelief.

"Eggs are the best we get," Eren explains.

"What about seafood?"

"Only if you can afford it, which really limits it to those with Warrior paychecks. But it's rarely enough to buy enough for the whole family unless you save for a while."

Especially for a big family like the Jaegers. It wasn't until Zeke had been a Warrior for three years before he could afford a small cod for the family to share. It was barely enough to be filling, but Eren can still remember the warmth of that baked fish. And it wasn't until they were dispatched in an area that had nothing but seafood that those of the Warrior Division was allowed to eat their fill.

The soldiers look insulted by that. "But you live right there next to the waters! That's so backwards!"

Yeah, no shit. Why do you think people are desperate to become Warriors?

"Here," Jean says, putting a small piece of meat on Eren's plate. "Since you've never had it before."

"I-I don't need your leftovers!" Eren snaps.

Jean smirks smugly. "Little kids like you should just accept good-will of your elders."

"Y-you... You can't be that older than me! I'm 18. Stop treating me like a kid!"

The smug smirk on Jean's face somehow seems even more smug. He pats Eren's head like one would a kid's. Huh? Did Eren miscalculate it somewhere? Is Jean really older?

"Jean, you guys are the same age," Marco says, looking amused.

"Yeah, but he's throwing a tantrum like a kid. So I'm older," Jean declares.

"What kind of logic is that?!"

*

"E-Emergency!"

The merry mood of dinner dies down immediately. Every eyes turn towards the pale looking soldier.

"T-t-the War Hammer Titan is gone!"

... The what?

Erwin stands and motions for the messenger to report to him. The rest of the report is discussed in quiet between the two. Whatever it is, it looks very grim.

And now that Eren thinks about it, he hasn't seen-

Someone grabs Eren by the back of the green cape and yanks him up. By the time Eren registers what's happened, he finds himself sprawled on the ground, his plate of food fallen somewhere and no longer in his hands. A foot presses down on Eren's chest to pin him to the ground.

Levi sneers down.

"You had a hand in this, didn't you?" he growls.

"C-Captain, Eren stayed the entire time with Marco or me. There was no time for him to have done that!" Jean says.

"You can ask any of the injured and they'll tell you the same," Marco adds.

Levi doesn't seem to have heard. His eyes are set on Eren in distrusting anger. See? This is something Eren can understand. This is the normal reaction the Paradis Eldian should have to Eren.

"I didn't know you had the War Hammer Titan," Eren admits. "Why do you even have someone like..."

It... isn't that, is it? Erwin didn't plan...?

"Levi, let him be. Even I can vouch for Eren's whereabouts," Erwin says as he comes to join them.

Slowly, the foot moves away from Eren's chest. Erwin holds his hand out for Eren to take. But this man... This _fucker..._

"Hey, what were you planning to do with the War Hammer? You... Is that why you turned my family into pure titans? To 'offer' me a choice in saving one of them...?"

Erwin dares to smile sheepishly at that. "Unfortunately, some of my... eager men got rid of them before we could properly offer the War Hammer to you like that."

Eren slaps Erwin's hand away. He pushes himself up into sitting position. He put his crutch down near where he was eating, so he won't be able to stand up right now. But this is better than staring up at Erwin while on his back. He angrily reaches for the cape.

"Now, now," Erwin says. He kneels down in front of Eren and holds Eren's hand so that Eren can't take off the cape. "Don't be like that. It was insurance. Your brother does the same when he makes plans, doesn't he?"

"Take your hands off of me," Eren growls.

Erwin lets out a sigh, pretending like he's troubled. But he makes no move to let Eren go. "And here, I thought you were smart. Can you really not tell why I did that?"

That's not it. And if Erwin thinks that Eren hasn't seen through his act, then he's sorely mistaken.

"So you can turn me into a pure titan to dangle in front of my brother for his obedience."

How else would Erwin threaten Eren's life in a manner that will force Zeke to his knees?

Erwin laughs. "So you did know. Well, it's up to you, really. Work with us and we don't have to worry about that."

No, that's wrong. Right now, Erwin is just saying that because he's out of cards. The War Hammer Titan is gone. He can no longer play that hand. Then what is his aim? What else does he have planned? If Eren was Zeke, what kind of plans would he make to gain the upperhand?

"You don't have the War Hammer," Eren points out.

"We know where it is."

There's no sign of discomfort. Eren doesn't think that's a lie. Tch. Then he's running out of options to deal with this. C'mon, think. There has to be something he can say. Something he can do. Something...

"I don't like how easily my life gets toyed around by you," Eren decides. "If you really want me to be on your side, then give me power. Give me something that I can leverage, even against you."

It's not until he sees that glint in Erwin's eyes that he realized he must have said something wrong. It's not until he sees that grin on Erwin's face that he realizes he made a grave mistake. But what did he do that's wrong? What else could he have said at this time?

Erwin takes Eren's right hand and brings it close to his lips.

"Then shall I make you my King?"

* * *

* * *

"General Calvi is dead," Magath informs them seriously. "Currently, the top-most ranking soldiers after him are either too gravely injured to give command or are dead. In terms of our fighting forces, there's the Navy and the soldiers we left behind. There should also be a few that we can collect from our bases from around the world."

Magath's second rushes to speak, so Magath cuts him off with a stern glare.

The currently gathered are the Marleyan soldiers, the Warriors, and Colt in a small room of the Warrior Headquarter. There's no room for all of them to sit, so they're all awkwardly huddled together. But that awkwardness is quickly forgotten at the serious topic before them.

"But even if we combine all of that, it will most likely not be enough to continue fighting this war while fighting off Paradis."

"A-are you saying... to give up...?" one of the soldiers ask uncertainly.

No way. Give up? After spending three years out there fighting, they're going to just throw in the towel? After losing Eren to Paradis, they're just going to...?

Zeke puts a hand on Porco's shoulder and gives him a small smile. If Zeke isn't worried, then Porco shouldn't be. He gives a small nod in understanding.

"We're going to focus on one thing at a time," Magath explains. "First, we'll strike Paradis. We'll recover our Warrior Candidate and take back the titans that Paradis have stolen. With that added to our arsenal, we'll be able to finish this war."

That's good.

Get Eren first. Worry about everything else afterwards. Now this is a plan Porco can full-heartedly support.

"From this report, the blimp Paradis forces left in crashed in this forest," Magath continues, motioning at the map.

Crashed? Is Eren...? Porco shakes his head. Of course, Eren is fine. They promised. They will meet again.

"I will lead the Warrior Division and handle Paradis. The rest of you, gather the rest of our soldiers to finish up the war against Mid-East Allied Forces. Any questions?"

"S-should you really go, sir? You're the most high ranking officer left on our side. Shouldn't you stay here and give orders?" a soldier asks.

Magath stares at Zeke for a second, probably trying to decide if this mission can be entrusted to an Eldian. Porco wonders why he's hesitating so much. Magath has entrusted more to Zeke before.

"... Alright. Zeke, my second will go in my place. I expect a flawless victory as always."

*

"What do you mean you're leaving?! Fix this problem first!"

Porco glances over at a Marleyan yelling at Zeke.

"You're the War Chief, aren't you? Then order those filthy Eldians to get out of here! Who cares if they die? This is Marleyan territory anyways. This base should be used for caring for us!"

Zeke looks tired. After getting the news of what happened to his family, it must be draining to deal with angry Marleyans on top of that. Porco wonders if there's anything he can say or do to help. More likely than not, he'll just piss off that Marleyan and make things worse, wouldn't he? Then should he pretend that he needs Zeke's advice on something?

Yeah. That should work.

"Damn that guy. He's at it again."

Porco glances at the Marleyan gatekeeper, who shakes his head with a disgusted look on his face.

"After Eren worked so hard to get us this safezone, he's still throwing that fit? Just sock him, Zeke. It'll make everyone here happy."

Like hell Zeke would ever do something like that. He's much too good of a person to do something like that. Not even Eren would sock a Marleyan. No, no. Both Jaegers are more... clever with their revenge.

But Porco never claimed to be that smart.

It's not like he has any family left for Marleys to threaten him with either... Huh. Somehow, he feels really free.

"Zeke!" Porco yells as he jogs up to the two. "Can I talk to you re-"

"As I was saying! Get rid of those damned Eldians!" the Marleyan continues as if Porco didn't speak.

And now Porco has a reason to get involved.

His fist stops just before touching the Marleyan's face. There's a second's pause and then the Marleyan screeches in disbelief before falling to the ground as if his knees gave out. Hah! That little scared him this badly? And he dares to talk like he's some kind of a bigshot?

"Porco," Zeke sighs heavily.

"I didn't do anything," Porco reminds him lightly.

The Marleyan screams insults and tries to get help from the others around them. But when no one expresses any interest, he lets out another yell of curses about filthy Eldians and leaves. If Eren was here, he probably would've clapped and cheered for Porco.

"I don't agree with your methods. But thank you," Zeke says.

Porco grins in answer. "But I didn't do anything, War Chief."

Zeke finally cracks a small smile.

*

"W-why aren't we going?" the kids demand when they realize that they'll be left in Liberio.

To be honest, Porco doesn't think it's a good idea to leave these kids here in the destruction of their home. It'll be much better for them to be part of a rescue so they remember that they're not helpless. But in the same breath, Porco can't guarantee their safety. Not when he only has Eren on his mind.

"We're part of the Warrior Division, too!" they argue. "We should go with you to get Eren back."

How would Eren have handled this? He would have given them a secretive smile and...

"We don't know what kind of weapons Paradis brought," Zeke says. "Pieck and I were barely able to get Reiner off of that island. We... don't know what will be waiting for us. That's why please help the people here. They need Warrior Division members here just as much."

It's not quite what Eren would have said. But it's more sincere if Zeke says it in his own way. Besides, Porco doesn't think any of them would be able to muster up the charm that Eren can. No, that will have to wait until they get Eren back.

"Then we'll be off."

*

Magath's second stays in the front of the airship with the pilot. The rest of the Warriors and Colt are staying in the cargo area with some of the soldiers from the Volunteer Army (both Eldian and Non-Marleyan). They have all been prepped with parachutes. But to just drop down on the Paradis forces is too reckless. They'll be sitting ducks to be shot down in that kind of scenario.

"We haven't been able to get back in contact with the base that reported to have shot down the blimp that Paradis Eldians stole. It's quite possible that Paradis wiped them out," Zeke informs them.

But is Eren okay? Is there any way for them to check that? No, no. Porco just has to believe that Eren is okay. Eren is fine.

They promised.

"But more so than that..."

There's an uncomfortable look on Zeke's face as he glances around for a second. What is he checking for? Porco follows the gaze and takes in the fact that there are no Marleyans near them right now.

"There's something I need to inform all of you about what Eren has been doing."

... Huh? What Eren has been...? Don't tell Porco that idiot was working even though he was home? Is that why Liberio was...? No, no. The attack on Liberio was done by Paradis. This and that are different wars. Jeesh, can Marley stop starting new wars? Porco's getting confused and he's fighting in them.

Zeke takes a deep breath. "This... is probably going to be hard to believe, but Eren was planning on betraying Marley."

Eren was...? Huh? Wait. Wait. Zeke doesn't believe that, does he? There's no way that Eren would ever risk his family! What a bad joke. Is this Zeke's idea of trying to lighten the mood?

But the expression on Zeke's face is stoic. There's no sign that this might be a joke.

"Porco, the times when Eren was dodging us and we thought it was because he was with Reiner? He was actually meeting with the enemy. Isn't that right, Reiner?"

... Huh?

Reiner nods. "I... found out about it by accident. Eren asked that I keep it quiet, so I... I covered for him while he went to those meetings."

Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't that because of a mission from Marley? They're not talking about that, are they?

"So you two were never dating? W-wait. Doesn't that mean that you knew that Eren was...? T-then this attack...?" Pieck asks, her brows furrowed.

"We don't know that," Zeke says quickly. "I... don't think Eren would have a hand in something that would devastate Liberio. But... I also didn't think he'd risk his family to betray Marley."

Despite those words, Zeke looks rather proud of his little brother. Then again, Eren could probably kill a man in front of Zeke and Zeke would still be proud of him. Wait, wait. Porco's getting side-tracked. He needs to fix this misconception right now before-

"So when the time comes, I plan on siding with Eren. As awful as what happened in Liberio is, it's... probably a good thing that my family died. This way, there's nothing that Marley can hold over me anymore."

Before that happens. Damn it. Can Zeke calm down for two seconds so Porco can speak?

"Hey-"

"I planned on being by Eren's side from the beginning," Reiner says, interrupting Porco.

Fuck off, Reiner. That place by Eren's side is Porco's. Reiner doesn't get to pretend like he's been there from the beginning, and wait. No. Porco's getting distracted-

"If... we do this, then Falco won't be forced to inherit a titan," Colt whispers. His voice is shaking. And that's right. Porco forgot. If they do this...

"I... have nothing left but you guys," Pieck points out with a grim smile. "If that's the direction we're going, then I'll follow."

They all turn to look at Porco, clearly expecting an answer to the unspoken question. And damn it, they sure made it impossible to speak up now. Because Colt is right. If they betray Marley now using the contacts that Eren made during his spying mission, then they should be able to overthrow Marley. And if Zeke is saying this, there must be a foolproof plan already created and possibly set in motion. Doesn't that mean that Falco's life (Colt's, Gabi's, Udo's, and Zofia's lives) would be free?

The first Liberio Eldians to be free from being forced to inherit a titan. Free from becoming a monster against their will.

Would that be so bad?

But what about what Eren wants? Is Porco going to blindly follow what's presented before him just because he thinks this is right? Without even asking Eren what he wants to do? Because at the end of the day, who cares about what is "right" or "wrong?" As long as Eren is happy (as long as Porco can be with Eren), that's all that matters.

That's right.

Even if everyone else is planning for the future, Porco has to just think of Eren.

"Eren wasn't planning on betraying Marley," Porco tells them.

Zeke sighs, looking troubled. "I know it's hard to believe-"

"No. As in Marley ordered Eren to go and get information as a spy. He was never going to betray anyone."

There's a stunned pause as everyone allows that to sink in. Porco counts the seconds that pass, waiting for the first person to process that to shout. Oddly enough, it's not a member of the Warrior Division who first speaks.

"Are you kidding me?! He did all of that for the sake of a mission?" the non-Marleyan (Yelena, if Porco recalls correctly) yells.

"W-what? What did he do...?"

Now that Porco thinks about it, Eren didn't go into the details of everything... I-it wasn't anything bad, was it? Sure, selling information and things are bad. But it wasn't like... s-selling his body...? T-things like that don't happen in real life, right? Just in stories?

"I don't know exactly what he did. But when I showed up claiming to be Eren's representative, they treated me like royalty," Yelena explains, looking completely frazzled. "They were very apologetic about what happened to Base Rupes. It... looked like they badly wanted to get back into Eren's good graces."

That's just like Eren. He was so cool that even their enemy was dazzled. Wait, no. This is no time to be proud.

"S-s-so... t-the plans I made to betray Marley and destroy them... er... The assassin to get rid of Magath, too... I should call all of it off?" Zeke asks slowly.

Just what kind of plans did Zeke already put into motion?!

"But... would it really be bad?" Pieck wonders out loud.

They all turn to her. She looks contemplative as she gives them a sheepish smile.

"It's just... Colt's right. We can free Falco, Gabi, Udo, and Zofia. There's still the issue that the titan power will pass on to a random newborn. But... if this really works out, isn't there a possibility that we can stop all the wars? If Marley is no longer in charge, we don't have to kill any more people. We don't have to turn any more of ours into pure titans. We... We'll be free, won't we?"

"Not... necessarily," Zeke tells her. "It really depends on what kind of a deal we can make with Mid-East Allied Forces. Using the foundation that Eren set up, we might be able to argue for favorable things for ourselves but... There's no guarantee of anything."

"That discussion should wait until we've talked to Eren," Porco reminds them.

Zeke nods with a worried frown. "Yes. We must first defeat the enemy before us... To think I'd have to face that monster again..."

That's right. Right now, they need to worry about what exactly Paradis is planning.

Wait just a little bit longer, Eren.

Porco is coming.

*

"We should go in, guns blazing," Magath's second insists.

"Too risky. A stray bullet might hit Eren," Zeke says.

Magath's second rolls his eyes. "Even if it does, we'll just let him inherit one of the stolen titans anyways. You guys have nothing to fear on that account."

And if the stray bullet kills Eren before they can get the titan serum to him? Porco doesn't like leaving that to chance. From the determined look on Zeke's face, it's clear that Zeke is in agreement with Porco.

"We should approach wherever they might be from a distance," Zeke reasons. "It was reported that they crash-landed, but seeing that those who reported it can no longer be contacted, we should approach this with caution. They can still retaliate."

Not to mention if they really brought the Colossal Titan, the initial transformation will set this entire forest on fire. Eren (and Colt, for that matter) won't be able to survive that.

"But there's no reason that they won't just transform and blow us up and the forest using the Colossal the minute we arrive," Magath's second points out.

Zeke nods. "That's why we can't just approach them. We're going to take this slow and gather information first. Porco, we'll use the Jaw Titan for that. Do you think you'll be able to navigate through the forest well enough?"

"Please leave it to me."

"Reiner, any insight on the Paradis forces you want to add?"

They look to Reiner, waiting for an answer. He looks like he's thinking about something hard. This long pause is making even Porco nervous.

"One of the last things they invented before we left that island was a weapon that could penetrate my armor. From witness accounts of the soldier that Eren rescued, it sounded like they've been upgrading their weapons. They may have crash-landed, but we don't know how many of those weapons they've brought with them and how many are still functioning."

A weapon that can penetrate the Armored Titan... If the Mid-East Allied Forces got their hands on something like that, wouldn't they have been able to complete their anti-titan weapon? What great luck that these two haven't teamed up.

"A-and one more thing," Reiner adds hesitantly, "it's... possible that they might try the same tactic that we employ. Assuming they want to steal our titans, they might swam us with pure titans of their own."

Porco feels a chill go down his spine. How terrifying. They're having their own strategy turned around on them. But to turn their own into pure titans for the sake of stealing the shifting power...? Then what happens to the ones who do not get the shifting powers? Are they killed to not cause any trouble? What kind of a monster orders his own men to do that?

"That's on the assumption that Commander Erwin is alive. F-from the way Liberio attack was staged, I thought that was a safe assumption to make."

"T-t-then we'll send out pure titans of our own!" Magath's second decides.

Zeke shakes his head. "That would put Eren in danger."

"We're talking about our enemy and you're more concerned about your brother?"

"I believe our first priority was to get Eren back," is Zeke's calm retort.

Magath's second groans. "Then what do you suggest we do? Any kind of approach will get your brother 'hurt' by your standards!"

Porco understands that frustration. He really does. But he's glad that Zeke is holding firm, even in the face of theoretical swarm of pure titans.

"What if we ask for a negotiation?" Pieck suggests.

"Negotiation? You really think someone who bombed our home would listen to something like that?" Magath's second asks, looking disgusted.

Porco is in agreement with Magath's second. He doesn't think there's a possibility of a negotiation here. Don't get him wrong. If it's possible, then they should definitely go for it. But would Paradis be open to it? After everything that's happened, there's no way-

"The fact that they took Eren tells me that they might be open to that," Zeke admits. "It... might not be anything we like, but I don't see why we can't try this first."

"According to Reiner here, we'll be mobbed by pure titans the minute we approach them. So how exactly are you going to ask for negotiation?" Magath's second growls.

Pieck motions to herself. "By using a fragile maiden like myself!"

*

"There's nothing about you that's fragile," Porco mumbles.

Pieck laughs. "You're lucky Eren loves you. Because no one else ever will when you're this insensitive!"

"A-are you sure about this? What if they know that you're the Cart?" Colt asks nervously.

"We'll deal with that when it comes," Pieck tells him with a calming smile. "And if all else fails, come rescue me, okay?"

"You're going to make us do more work?" Porco complains.

"If... this really works out, isn't there a chance that... Paradis will ask for Zeke's head?" Colt whispers.

The three of them are unable to meet each others' eyes. Give up Zeke for Eren... That's a decision Porco would make without a second's hesitation. But that's not up to him to decide. He knows that Zeke himself would make the same decision, but... they have to think about the rest of the Warrior Division. They have to think about how Eren would feel.

Damn it. All this thinking is making his head hurt. How does Zeke (and Eren to a point. He's never been able to outdo Zeke, but Zeke often brags that Eren comes close... Then again, that could just be Zeke doting on his little brother) think this much and come up with so many different plans for victory?

"We're approaching the base that reported to have shot down Paradis forces. Zeke said we should look around for any intel we can get," Reiner informs them.

"You know, you're the one who screwed up Paradis the most. Why don't we just offer you up in exchange for Eren?" Porco blurts out without much thought.

"Porco, you can't just say things like that!" Colt exclaims.

"Even if it's true," Pieck adds. "No offense, Reiner."

"It's better than losing Zeke!" Porco insists.

Reiner looks at the three of them for a second before nodding determinedly. "If it means I can-"

Porco groans. This guy is so damned self-important. It's not fun poking fun at him at all. Eren would have yelled and challenged Porco to a spar. And they'd finally have a break from all this stupid thinking.

*

"They cut the lines and aimed for the canons. It... almost looked like they might be minimizing lives lost as much as they could..."

As soon as that report leaves the soldier's mouth, the one next to him elbows him and shoots him a glare.

"Sorry sir. My friend has been on duty without rest for too long. Please ignore that last part. Afterwards, the enemy used their flying gadgets to go through the forest."

They point to a spot on a map that they've been using to explain the situation to Magath's second.

"Our guess is that the blimp fell around here. It'll be about an hour's ride on our horses."

"Horses?" Magath's second asks. "Why not vehicles?"

"The trees prevent any vehicles from easily traveling through the forest."

So they have to ride horses to get to a place where they can "negotiate" with Paradis? If they rush the horses, would they be able to get there faster?

"We'll ride to this point," Zeke says, pointing to a clearing near the estimated place of the blimp's fall. "Pieck, you'll ride alone afterwards."

"Should I follow as a titan?" Porco suggests.

"The forest here won't be able to hide you well enough, even if you're small," Reiner says.

Tch. There's no need for that jab, is there? Reiner's the monster here for being so freakishly huge. Besides, the one that Eren loves is Porco. So take that, Reiner.

"I... don't think we should leave it all to Pieck," Porco says. "At least to make sure that everything is alright, I think I should follow at a distance."

There's a tired look in Zeke's eyes, but it's not an immediate rejection. That means Porco has a chance.

"You and Reiner are well-known among the Paradis members, so that's out. Colt doesn't have any healing ability, so he's out, too. Pieck may be the best choice, but her Cart doesn't have any fighting capabilities. If she's overwhelmed, she won't be able to run away, no matter how fast her Cart is. So please allow me to join her. My Jaw will be able to protect both of us."

There.

It took him a long time to come up with a feasible-sounding excuse that's not just that he's desperate to see Eren. He's pretty sure he sounded impressive, because Zeke's eyebrows just shot up in surprise. Heh. That's right. Porco isn't just a blockhead like Eren accuses him of. He does know how to use his head as something other than as a convenient tool for headbutting.

"Ugh. You want to see your lover that badly?" Magath's second groans. "Alright. Alright. Just go."

Zeke glances at him before turning to Porco.

"If there's any sign of trouble-"

"I'll grab Eren and run," Porco promises.

"Grab me, too," Pieck reminds him.

Porco nods. "R-right... but if I have to choose, I'm grabbing Eren."

"Just... just be quiet, Porco."

*

Ah. That's right.

Porco remembers why he's not too fond of riding on horses.

Pieck glances at him and smirks. "You wanted to come along."

"Shut up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You disappeared for so long after saying you'll pick up some herbs. I thought maybe you got spirited away or something," Eren remarks lightly.
> 
> Historia rolls her eyes. "Don't be cute. You forgot about me."
> 
> An awkward silence falls between the two of them. Or maybe it's just Eren who feels awkward? Because Historia looks at him with a cold smile like she knows exactly what will happen. Did she see this, too? In that "happy future" that she saw, was this part of it?
> 
> "Who... came up with this system anyways?" Eren grumbles in hopes of shaking off his guilt.
> 
> "My sister. Well, half-sister, really." She pauses for a second to gather her thoughts before she pushes on. "You've heard of it, right? King Fritz's declaration of peace?"
> 
> "He, Helos, and the Tybur family struck a deal. King Fritz goes to Paradis Island and is left alone, or he will unleash all of the Colossal-sized titans on the rest of the world."
> 
> Historia nods. "That's an empty bluff. After saying that, he 'chained' down the rest of the royal bloodline so that no one will be able to use the Founding Titan."
> 
> ... Huh? Then... why did Marcel die...?
> 
> "Until the previous Attack Titan arrived in Paradis. You said it before right? It's characteristic is to attack. Attack and attack and attack. Always moving forward to destroy its enemies... Because of that, my sister thought maybe it would be able to destroy King Fritz's chains to continue to move forward."
> 
> Eren understands where this story is going before she finishes it. Due to whatever reasons, Historia inherited the Attack Titan. This is something that Reiner reported. And after Reiner returned to Marley, Historia... 
> 
> "So you became Queen," he concludes. 
> 
> And seeing that Paradis Eldians are here instead of armageddon through a bunch of Colossal-sized titans, it's only too obvious what must have happened.
> 
> "I'm going to give you three pieces of advice for going forward. Feel free to ignore them if they're not useful. One, Commander Erwin is a simple man. Since his goal was accomplished three years ago, he's been looking for a reason to justify living. Two, I doubt this needs to be said, but hold on to your Jaw Titan. Don't let him leave you like mine did. Three... There's a little girl that I want you to look after..."


	28. our vows to each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus we have our last chapter. ^^ The chapter after this is just some deleted scenes and notes that I thought you guys might enjoy as well as my grateful thanks to all my wonderful readers who stuck with this crazy story. Officially, this story ends with this.
> 
> Just a heads up, this chapter contains some spoilers for around chapter 120 of the manga, before the Original Ymir's backstory is revealed. 
> 
> Then without further ado, please allow me to entertain you one last time with these two dorks. ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Eren was little, he asked Grisha why he wore two wedding rings when Carla only had one. Grisha's expression became grim before he quietly told Eren the story of what happened. That was the first time Eren learned that Zeke had a different mother. It was the first time Eren understood that the world was complicated, especially when feelings are involved.
> 
> It was also the first time Eren considered the importance of a wedding vow, represented by a ring. 
> 
> "Huh? Isn't it usually, 'till death do us apart?'" Jean asks, looking more amused than he should.
> 
> "That's so unromantic. What? So as soon as Porco's term runs out, I jump into someone else's arms?" Eren grumbles.
> 
> "I... can think of someone who wouldn't complain," Marco says lightly, giving Jean a look that Eren isn't sure how to read. Jean scowls at his friend like he isn't blushing.
> 
> Eren finds himself thinking of Reiner. He squashes the thought as ruthlessly as he can. By then, Reiner would be long dead. And what the hell? Reiner? Really? Yeah, sure, Reiner's the only other person who has ever shown interest, but surely Eren can do better?
> 
> "As long as there's a beat left in this heart of mine, I imagine I'll always love Porco."
> 
> Marco pats Jean's shoulder like he's consoling him. Jean glowers at his friend. They seem like good friends to be able to exchange a silent joke like that. It makes Eren miss Porco even more.
> 
> "It's not like I have an opinion of this or another. But uh... Why are you thinking of something like that when who knows what kind of enemy is approaching us?" Jean says, trying to change the topic away from himself.
> 
> "Considering the timing, it's most definitely, Ze... Porco and the rest of the Warriors."
> 
> Eren makes sure not to say Zeke's name in case that monster of an Ackerman comes after him again. From the glare Levi shoots Eren, it seems he might have just barely dodged a bullet there.
> 
> "Porco promised that as soon as we see each other again, we'll exchange rings. And... t-that's like... m-marriage, isn't it? W-we'll exchange vows and o-our love for each other?" Eren can't believe how hot his face feels at the thought.
> 
> Erwin pretends to cough to cover up his laughter. He fools absolutely no one. But at least Hange seems to be delighted by it, because she starts laughing, too.
> 
> "Wonderful. Our new King is a love-struck idiot, and our top brass... they're like this," Levi growls in disgust.
> 
> "I don't see anything wrong with a bit of love," Erwin says between chuckles. 
> 
> Hange nods in agreement, grinning widely. "Perhaps that's the magic ingredient we've been missing! Haha!"
> 
> "When they arrive, let me deal with them," Eren says.
> 
> Hange and Levi's eyes are sharp, but Erwin grins easily as if he finds the whole thing hilarious. 
> 
> "That's the plan," Erwin tells him lightly. Then for just a second, his gaze seems to become serious before that disappears into another charming smile. "I'm sure you'll be fair to both your Warriors and your subjects."
> 
> Is that supposed to be a threat? Eren finds his lips twitching in amusement. 
> 
> "Fairness," huh?

It's late in the evening when Pieck and Porco encounter two soldiers from Paradis. One of the soldiers have a lantern that they wave to let Pieck and Porco know which direction to come. The other soldier looks to be armed, even though no weapons are drawn.

This is clearly a trap.

"Welcome, welcome!" the soldier with the lantern greets with a loud laugh. "You guys sure took your time! We've been waiting for a while! My name is Hange. And this grumpy guy next to me is Levi Ackerman."

She grins widely, clearly knowing the effect of that name. Porco glances at Pieck, who looks like she's smiling calmly without any sign of discomfort. How is she doing that? Is she even just a tad bit scared? This is the man that Zeke acknowledged as a monster.

"I'm Pieck. This next to me is Porco. We're-"

Hange turns to Porco with wide eyes of delight. She grabs Porco's hand and shakes it wildly, laughing all the while.

"So you're Porco! Eren goes on forever about you!" There's just the smallest of pauses as she stares at Porco in a judging manner. Then she grins widely in a manner that isn't friendly at all, "Eren made you sound... more."

What the hell does that mean? Eren talked about him? Eren wouldn't just idly talk with the enemy, so then... Porco feels a chill. What the hell did these bastards do to Eren?

"Well, don't just stand there. Come on!"

Hange releases Porco's hand and motions both Pieck and Porco to follow her. Porco glances at Pieck, who has a tight smile on her face. The two follow after Hange with Levi bringing up the rear.

*

This Hange goes on and on about this and that, but Porco doesn't pay attention to that. He keeps his eyes out on the layout of the forest. There seems to be soldiers hidden along the route that Hange is taking them through. Seeing that they're letting themselves be seen, Porco imagines there's more dangerous threats hidden. Is it the pure titans like Reiner guessed?

"Yeah, and then this guy was all 'Raaah! How dare you-'"

"Porco...?"

He doesn't know how he managed to hear that over Hange's prattles. But his eyes immediately dart around for the source of that voice and...

There.

The brightest of all green of Eren's eyes stare back in shocked delight. There's a giant grin on Eren's face that distracts Porco from the bruise on Eren's cheek (Damn these Paradis Eldians for hurting Eren). And see? See? It wasn't a stupid promise. They found each other again. They-

A blade presses against Porco's neck. The monster Ackerman gives Porco a bored look. What? Is he planning on cutting Porco's head off if Porco takes another step towards Eren? Then should Porco show off exactly how great his titan healing is?

"M-Mr. Levi, please!" Eren shouts.

Eren doesn't have his crutch. Instead, he uses a sturdy-looking branch as a cane. Did they break Eren's crutch? These heartless villains! They took away a cripple's crutch? And did they seriously give Eren a green cape to make up for that? Yeah, the cape looks good on Eren, but hello? Missing crutch? The same crutch Eren beat Porco for? See if Porco goes easy on them.

"Levi, stand down," orders a dignified looking man.

But Porco doesn't really care about that. As soon as the monster points his blade away, Porco runs.

It takes an eternity and a half. No matter how fast he runs, it doesn't feel fast enough. He can't get to Eren fast enough. Like all of his Warrior training is failing him now. Like he's running through thick muck that keeps slowing him down. But Eren is right there. He's-

His arms wrap around Eren, clinging so tightly that it must hurt. But Eren's arms are just as tight around him, just as desperate. The two fall. Eren's leg can't hold their combined weight alone now that Eren has abandoned his cane for the sake of embracing Porco. And with Porco's momentum from the run before, they have no choice but to fall.

Eren smells like smoke and blood. It's an achingly familiar scent. Kind of like how he used to smell when they were both Warrior Candidates sent out on missions together. The two of them would sit in the aftermath of their victory, laughing and joking until Colt finally came to collect them. How long ago was that? It feels like a distant dream now.

Did Eren's body always feel this warm against his? Did holding Eren in his arms like this always relax him? Did feeling Eren's heart against his own always make him want to laugh? Did seeing Eren grin at him like that always make him want to kiss him?

Porco feels Eren pull him close so that their foreheads touch.

"Hey," Eren says softly.

"Hey," Porco echoes.

The initial joy from seeing each other must have worn off slightly. Eren's expression is troubled as he seems to struggle with his next words. He's probably going to apologize about Liberio. He probably blames himself for not being able to prevent it. Just like when he blamed himself for Tommy's and Haley's death. Just like when he blamed himself for Base Rupes.

But what Porco wants isn't an apology. What Porco wants isn't to grieve right now. They can do that properly when they're out of danger.

Right now, he just wants to focus on Eren.

So he kisses Eren before anything can be said.

*

Levi yanks Porco off by the back of his collar, choking Porco in the process. Porco glares at the damned monster, who doesn't even blink twice. It was this guy, wasn't it? The one who gave Eren that bruise on his face?

"Do that on your own time. We have business to conduct," Levi growls.

Busi...? Right.

Porco feels his cheeks heat up when he realizes that they're in enemy territory. That was way too dangerous. He can't believe he just threw caution to the wind like that.

Unlike Porco who is being kept at bay by Levi, Eren is helped to his feet by the dignified man from before. Another soldier rushes to get Eren his makeshift cane. The way they treat Eren feels a little odd, but Porco can't quite put his finger on it.

"Is it just you two? Where are the others?" one of the soldiers ask Porco.

Hah. Like hell Porco would answer-

"Ze... My brother and Rein... uh... _that guy_ won't lightly approach you guys," Eren says. "So of course, it's Porco and Pieck. I told you that, didn't I, Jean?"

The soldier looks annoyed but at the same time, a little like he's touched. Porco can't figure out why from the context of their conversation. All he knows is that he really doesn't like the way this soldier is looking at Eren.

"So to make sure that this goes correctly, we should go to them using the vertical maneuvering gear!" Eren declares.

"W-wait," Pieck says, holding her hand up. "What's going on here?"

"Do you remember the vertical maneuvering gear? It was in Rei... the reports. It's the thing that lets you-"

Pieck gives him a patient smile. "I remember. That's not what I'm asking about. I mean more of..."

She makes a motion towards Eren, and yeah, Porco would like to know what's going on, too. The dignified man stand uncomfortably close to Eren with a charming smile that somehow feels threatening. Two soldiers stand to Eren's left, glaring at Porco and Pieck like they're the enemy. And yeah, they are. But... why are they treating Eren like...?

"I want to explain it just once," Eren says. "Do you mind being patient a bit longer?"

"No need to ask so politely. They will wait until you decide it's time," the dignified man says, looking quite smug.

Porco decides that he doesn't like this man. Eren looks annoyed by the man, too. He lets out a soft sigh and glances away. By chance, his eyes meet Porco's. Eren gives a sheepish smile and mouths, "Please?"

"Fine. But you better tell me everything," Porco growls.

It must be because he hasn't seen Eren in a while.

But when Eren smiles, Porco feels light-headed.

*

Against Eren's wishes, they end up walking back. Porco suggested that they ride the horses, but seeing that they only have two rather tired horses and a lot of people, that was shot down. The only reason why Eren's request of using the vertical maneuvering gears was rejected, though, seems to be because no one could agree on who would carry Porco and Pieck.

To be fair, Porco doesn't want to be carried by them either. So this works fine.

This is fine. This is...

Whenever Eren's fingers tangle with Porco's, one of the Paradis soldiers show up out of nowhere and physically places themselves between the two of them. Whenever Porco's eyes trail towards where Eren is, one of the larger soldiers stand directly in Porco's line of sight with a sneer. Whenever Eren turns to talk to Porco, one of the soldiers suddenly seems to have to talk to Eren for whatever dumb reasons for an "emergency."

Porco isn't slow by any stretch of the imagination (Okay, maybe he is at some things), but this kind of hostility seems really strange. He would understand it better if it's aimed at Pieck, Eren, and him as the enemies of Paradis or whatever. But it feels like they're angry at just him.

"Ah, I know what you mean. When I met eyes with Eren earlier and we giggled, the soldiers glared me down," Pieck says.

So it's just when Eren is involved?

Porco finds himself thinking of what Yelena said about how much the Mid-East Allied Forces seemed desperate to get into Eren's good graces. Did Eren do something like that to the Paradis Eldians? But what could Eren have possibly done to warrant this kind of protective behavior? Sure, Eren is a cool person. But Porco can't imagine this is normal... Is it? Maybe it is? Maybe this is how people are normally supposed to be?

"Don't be stupid," Pieck scolds him. "Of course, this isn't normal!"

"I'm just thinking of what it could be!"

She sighs. "If... I didn't know any better, I'd say it almost feels like..."

Porco leans in towards her to hear her muttering better. But that seems to have made her uncomfortable. She shakes her head, taking a step away from him.

"It's nothing."

"Don't be like that. Tell me," he insists. He takes a step closer to her, knowing it'll annoy her.

"While you're at it, tell me, too."

Pieck and Porco both pause at the sight of Eren's pout. A quick glance assures Porco that the Paradis Eldians are glaring at them. Does Eren not feel their murderous intent? Or is this willful ignorance? Knowing Eren, Porco's betting on the former. For a guy who plays the spy role so well, he's always so bad when it comes to observing things like this. Porco would be exasperated if he wasn't so fond of it.

"Don't you think these guys are way too close to you?" Porco asks as he moves to sling an arm around Eren's shoulder.

Before Porco's hand can even touch Eren, something slaps it away. Porco glances back and sees the sneer of one of the soldiers that must have dared to do that. Does this guy want a fight? Screw playing nice. If they really want, Porco will-

"It's because they know it annoys me," Eren grumbles.

Ah. It was willful ignorance for once. Porco isn't sure why, but he feels rather giddy knowing that.

Eren bumps shoulders with Porco and gives him a small look that seems to be packed in meaning. Porco imagines it's to either ask about how the kids are doing or how everyone was faring back in Liberio. For once, Porco wishes Eren would be more selfish. Can't Eren please ask about how Porco is doing instead?

Porco leans in to bump shoulders back to let Eren know that he got it. And of course, it is immediately blocked by a soldier. The soldier sneers at Porco as if in challenge. Porco's finger itch to hit it off of his face.

"Would you please lay off?" Eren groans.

"No can do," the soldier says, looking smug. "It's my duty to protect you."

... Duty?

Porco glances at Pieck, who looks just as confused. Okay. So this isn't like Porco is stupid and missed something.

"From what? It's just Porco!"

"Now, now. He's an enemy soldier. We must be as cautious as we can."

The dignified man from before says this lightly while moving to stand between Eren and Porco. There's an amused smile on his face that seems to scream that he's enjoying this. Then... are the Paradis Eldian doing this just to fuck with them? So it's less that they are overprotective of Eren and more that they're going out of their way to annoy Eren? That is much easier to believe.

"Look, Porco is as harmless as they get! In all of our spars, I'm always the victor!" Eren exclaims.

"Hey! I won all of our fights last time!" Porco protests.

He reaches around this stupid dignified man to grab Eren, but Eren uses the man to his advantage to dodge the reach. This asshole dares to stick his tongue out at Porco.

"I have more wins overall. So I'm still winning!"

"We were clearly tied! If anything, I'm winning!"

Someone grabs Porco by the back of his collar just as Porco is about to grab Eren. It chokes Porco. Which idiot is getting in-

The monster Ackerman glares at Porco and Eren. Fear settles uncomfortably in Porco's stomach. And it's not because he thinks he can't win or anything, alright? But Zeke wouldn't just warn them to watch out for this monster for nothing.

"Settle down, children." Levi glares at the dignified man. "You stop laughing."

More so than a monster, Levi seems like an underpaid nanny. But Porco gets the feeling he should never voice that out loud.

When it becomes clear that Porco and Eren aren't going to run around again, Levi releases Porco. Porco tugs on his collar. This is probably what he gets for wearing the Warrior uniform instead of his usual. But it's not like he was overly concerned about changing before getting here... Maybe he should have? Eren has a cape. Maybe Porco should also-

"You okay?"

Porco glances at Eren who comes to walk by his side. The other soldiers haven't made a move to get between them. So perhaps they'll be able to talk a bit.

"Yeah. Fine. Just... trying to wrap my head around everything."

"I hear you. I can't believe everything happened in a span of a day..."

Eren's expression becomes darker as he stares at the ground. Is he thinking of Liberio again? Does he even realize that he's been taken hostage? Shouldn't he save some of that worry and compassion for himself? Then again, Porco supposes that that's part of the charm that makes him love Eren so much.

He reaches over to grab Eren's hand. Predictably, one of the soldiers move to block it. But this time, Porco is prepared. He dodges and pulls Eren in so that his left arm wraps around Eren's middle. Hah. Take that. Didn't think Porco would do something bold, did you? With that taken care of, Porco turns his focus to Eren.

"They're doing fine," he says, pressing a kiss against Eren's temple. "Thanks to you, they're fine."

That soft smile on Eren's face is the perfect reward. That soft blush and tilt of the head before Eren leans in, rubbing his nose against Porco's, is all that Porco could've asked for and more. His heart soars. And he's pretty sure that Eren also feels this burst of warmth in his stomach, too, because they're both giggling like dumbasses.

"I missed you," Eren whispers.

"I missed you, too." And, because Porco has been meaning to tease Eren about this for a while now, he adds, "Oh, and I love you. Lots and lots and lots."

There's the smallest of pause as Eren lets that sink in. Then he must have remembered his message, because he turns pink and glowers at Porco. But he doesn't shy away. He doesn't retreat. Instead, he faces Porco head-on, blush and all.

"Good. Because otherwise, this would be embarrassing."

Eren's lips are soft against Porco's. It's only for a brief second before Eren pulls back, lips fighting as if they don't know whether to grin or to scowl. And Eren has to know, right? He has to know just how enchanted Porco is by him. Just how much Porco's heart is overflowing with love and affection for him. Because otherwise, his eyes wouldn't be this bright, right?

"Isn't it uncomfortable to walk like this?" Porco asks softly, feeling the corner of his lips tug into a grin.

There's a glint of mischief in Eren's eyes that's so achingly familiar (Porco wants to hold tight and never let Eren go). "It's really uncomfortable. What are you going to do about it?"

Well, if Eren is going to invite him like that...

Porco sweeps Eren off his feet and into his arms, carrying him in bridal style. Eren cheers and laughs. His arms wrap around Porco's shoulders before he taps their foreheads together. They grin.

"And they're always like this?" Hange mock-whispers to Pieck.

Pieck heaves a dramatic sigh. "Yup! Even before they officially started dating! Do you know how frustrating it was when they both dated other people? It drove me up the wall! Especially when they both came to me for advice!"

Porco is of the opinion that Pieck should shut up. But it's hard to be caught up in that when Eren pulls him in for a kiss.

*

"You must be tired. I'll carry Eren the rest of the way," a red-haired soldier says, holding his hand out as if demanding Eren over.

Porco snorts. "If you think Eren's heavy, that's because you've never had to carry a stupid pack of 'nutrients' for the base up a mountain. "

"I can walk," Eren reminds them all. "Just get me my cane."

"Oh, what a shame. I think we dropped it somewhere," the dignified man says lightly as he tosses something to the side.

That was Eren's make-shift cane, wasn't it? These bastards really have something against letting cripples walk.

"That's fine. I'll just keep carrying you," Porco decides.

"No objections here," Eren says.

The red-haired soldier doesn't seem happy about that at all. "You don't have to say things to appease them. It's okay to object. I'm here, so you don't have to force yourself to do anything again!"

What the hell does that even mean? Why wouldn't Eren want to be in Porco's arms? Is this guy trying to pick a fight?

"Floch, there's no one that makes me happier than Porco," Eren says.

Porco feels his cheeks heat up. Heh. That's right. He's the one who makes Eren the happiest. Likewise, Eren's the one who makes Porco the happiest, too.

"But please consider our feelings, too! You might feel differently, but until any kind of agreements can be arrived upon, they are our enemy."

Obviously, they're enemies. What's this guy on about? Huh? Why does Eren look so conflicted? Wait, wait. Eren seriously isn't considering what this guy is saying, is he? There's no need for that! At the end of the day-

"Jean, can you get me another branch to use as a cane? I'll walk."

Porco opens his mouth to protest and ends up getting kissed by Eren instead. Eren pulls back with a grin. It's almost enough for Porco to forgive him.

"I'll make it up to you later, okay?"

That's not fair at all. He wants to keep Eren close to himself for as long as he can. Why do they have to care about what these Paradis Eldians think? But right now, Eren is watching him, waiting for a response. And Porco gets it, alright? Even if he disagrees or tries to prevent it, Eren will bullheadedly do whatever he wants. That's how they've always been.

With a small sigh, Porco nods. "It better be super awesome."

"Isn't it always?" Eren teases. He presses a small kiss on Porco's nose as if to seal the deal.

When this "Jean" guy returns with a branch to use as a cane (Porco guesses it's the one that the dignified man threw to the side), Porco reluctantly puts Eren on the ground.

The distance from before returns with the Paradis Eldians getting in between them as often as they can. It feels almost like it's gotten worse, actually. Did it bother them that much that Porco held Eren? This is clearly not just about annoying Eren. There's something more going on here. Porco doesn't like this uneasy and restless feeling that settles in his chest. It feels too much like Eren's going to end up far away from him again.

Then Eren glances up and their eyes meet for just a brief second. Eren's lips pull up into a bright grin, his eyes twinkling with mischief that Porco has seen one too many times before a prank.

It's going to be okay, Porco finds himself thinking. It's all fine...

Didn't Eren lose sight in one of his eyes? Why do they both look...?

"Please don't think too badly of us," a freckled soldier says, snapping Porco out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Why wouldn't I?"

The freckled soldier smiles. At the very least, Porco will say that it looks friendly.

"Because that would make Eren sad."

Scratch that. That smile isn't friendly at all. It's threatening.

Damned these Paradis Eldians. They're the ones that destroyed Liberio. They don't get to pretend that Eren considers them more important than his friends and family.

"Then I should remind you, too," Porco growls. "If you really care about Eren's feelings like you say you do, then best not forget who his heart belongs to."

The soldier chuckles like he finds Porco's attempt cute. But if that was really the case, his eyes wouldn't be so hostile. After everything Porco and Eren went through to finally get back to each other, they really think that a simple word of warning will make Porco back off?

Hah!

*

When they're near enough, Pieck makes the suggestion to go ahead to let the Warriors know that they're coming. It's clear that the Paradis Eldians think that she's going to warn them. But Porco can't figure out why they're hesitating so much. There's really not much that she can say other than, "Don't attack!"

"Oh, right. Can you tell Magath that Paradis is looking for a treaty that can benefit both of us? So if he could please come with an open mind, that would be awesome," Eren mentions to Pieck.

"The Commander didn't come with us. His second did."

Eren's face falls. "Are you serious? Damn. That guy won't listen to anything we say... The only thing we might be able to do is to send him away. I can't imagine him agreeing to anything but annihilating those that stand against him. But there might be some steep consequences if we just send him off... I'll let Ze... my brother decide."

"I'll let him know," Pieck promises.

"You should go, too. There's no need for you to be here," the red-haired soldier from before remarks casually to Porco.

Annoying.

"Then I suppose I'll just take Eren and go," Porco growls.

The red-haired soldier glares at him. "Like hell I'll let you."

"And how do you plan on stopping a monster like me?"

"We of the Survey Corps specialize in cutting down titans," the soldier states.

Porco is itching to hit him. Would that be so bad? Would it really cause a problem? He doesn't think so. And it's not like anyone's watching, right? So if he makes it really quick-

"It'll be for the best that you return, too, Porco."

Eren's voice cuts through Porco's discussion with the soldier. There's a look on Eren's face that Porco knows too well. At a simple glance, it's grim seriousness. But Porco knows how to read Eren too well to fall for that. Eren has something fun planned. Well, if Eren has something up his sleeves, then it's probably for the best that Porco doesn't interfere too much.

"It's going to cost you," Porco says lightly.

Eren laughs. Porco finds himself relaxing at the sight. Even after everything, Eren can still laugh, huh? That's good. Porco doesn't think he'd be able to handle it if Eren were to lose his laugh. He's a bit too much like his dad, who threw himself in work instead of helping his wife. Or maybe that's being too harsh on himself?

"Got it. I'll give you extra whip in the hot chocolate."

"Pfft... Then I'll look forward to our date!"

*

"Eren's what?" Zeke asks in disbelief.

"He has a plan to deal with the Paradisian forces. But in order for them to agree to talk with us, we can't have anyone that isn't an Eldian present," Pieck says.

Oh, so that's the take Pieck is going with. That's smart. If she phrases it like that, then they're not singling out Magath's second nor is the blame squarely on Eren's shoulders. Porco is glad that Pieck is on their side. Because he would not have been able to come up with something that elegant.

"Tch. Those bastards sure are demanding for murderers," Magath's second grumbles.

"Was there any sign of pure titans?" Zeke asks.

Both Pieck and Porco respond in negative. It makes everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"Alright. Let's see what they want," Zeke decides against Magath's second's grumbles. "If Eren has a plan, I'm curious to see it unfold."

*

Zeke's formation that he decides upon is to settle himself in the middle of the clearing to make himself the biggest target. He keeps Pieck and Colt close to Reiner towards the back. Except for Yelena who stands with them, the rest of the Volunteer Army members have been hidden around the forest. Three of them are on Magath's second duty to make sure he doesn't get too close to this talk. Just in case.

It takes Porco a lot of convincing, but Zeke finally relents to allow Porco to stand the closest to the enemy. If everything goes wrong, Porco's only plan is to grab Eren in his titan form and run. He promised Zeke that he won't engage with the enemy, but there's one or two soldiers he would like to at least hit before running.

It's to this setup that the Paradis forces arrive to with Eren in tow.

They lead with few soldiers that Porco doesn't recognize, Hange, and the monster Ackerman. Right behind that frontline is the dignified man, escorting Eren. That "Jean" guy and the soldier with freckles are right behind Eren. Are they the assigned watchers? The annoying red-haired soldier seems to be further back and away. Tch. What a shame. If he was closer, Porco would have hit that guy without seeming like he went out of his way to do that.

"Eren!" Zeke says, looking relieved.

A small shake of the head in warning is all they receive from Eren. It occurs to Porco belatedly that Eren might have offered himself as a sacrificial pawn piece in order to set this up. When Eren told him to leave, that was to protect Porco and Pieck from falling into the same trap, wasn't it?

No, no. Porco shouldn't think too much about it. Eren has a plan. Porco just needs to believe in that. It's nothing as crass as sacrificing himself. It can't be. They're not children with no other option anymore.

"Hello. I am Commander Erwin Smith of Paradis. We've faced each other in the past but never had a chance to introduce ourselves."

Zeke glances at the dignified man without much care. His attention shifts back to Eren and the Paradis soldiers stationed around him. Porco wouldn't be shocked if Zeke is calmly calculating exactly what is needed to get Eren out safely. He doesn't know what kind of conclusion Zeke arrived on, because he lets out a soft sigh before turning to face the dignified man.

"I am War Chief Zeke Jaeger of the Warrior Division. I hate to be so impolite as to cut to the chase, but what do you want?"

Erwin smiles and puts a hand on Eren's shoulder, giving a small squeeze. Porco finds himself tensing. Why the hell is that guy being so overly familiar for? Is it to remind the Warriors that they have Eren as their hostage? What? So if they're a bit "too" impolite, these Paradis Eldians are going to hurt Eren? Then should Porco just rush in...?

A glance towards Zeke lets him know that their Warrior Chief seems more grim than usual. All of the Warrior Division members look a second away from jumping into action. Porco slowly turns his attention back at Eren and...

Oh.

Eren has a sheepish smile on his face. It's not quite apologetic but... it's not quite his usual confident ones either. Porco doesn't like this.

"My name is Eren Jaeger. That, I know you already know. I am a Warrior Candidate, but right now, I am standing before you as the King of Paradis."

* * *

* * *

When Historia said that there's a happy future waiting for them that Eren would bring about, Eren laughed at her and told her that that wasn't possible because he had no power.

She's probably laughing at him now.

But to be honest, even with this fancy title of "King of Paradis," he doesn't think he'll be able to achieve the lofty goals that she claimed were in his future. For one, having this title isn't the same as holding actual respect. If the Paradis Eldians don't respect him, there's no way they'll go along with anything Eren says if Erwin wasn't backing him for now. For another, it alienates him from his Warrior Division.

"It's bit of a long story, and I'll explain it properly once all the negotiation is done. But the basic gist of it is that the former Queen of Paradis entrusted this position to me. So it's in my best interest that we all get along," Eren continues.

There's a tense silence.

Zeke - Keeping his expression hooded. Eren can't tell if it's because Zeke doesn't want Erwin (and the rest of the Paradis Eldians) to know exactly what he's feeling or if it's because Zeke is actually hiding his feelings from Eren. But he imagines that his brother feels hurt. Hurt and confused and possibly a second away from overwhelming grief that Eren will never be able to help him get over.

Pieck - Lips pulled into a thin line. Doesn't look shocked, though. Eren can't tell if that's because she expected something like this or she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Does she have something planned? He really hopes it's not going to cause him a headache.

Reiner - Has that stupid determined expression on his face again. Eren gets a pretty bad feeling that he might jump over to Paradis' side if given the opportunity. The hardest part of that will be to keep Jean from snapping and switching sides. Perhaps Eren should just offer Reiner up for Jean's stress relief? That's pretty much how Eren got over it. Well, it's a tempting thought anyways.

Colt - Clearly confused, but also looks rather hopeful. Eren doesn't know why. He would like to think that it has to do with seeing Eren again or believing that Eren has some kind of a plan. If that plan is believing that Eren isn't going to betray Marley, then he's going to be disappointing his friend.

Yelena - Eren is a bit confused as to why she's here, but it's a little nice to see a friendly face. She gives him a distracted smile. But it seems all her attention is set on the Paradis forces. Is she thinking of a way out of this? Or maybe she's secretly giving signals to the others who must be hiding in the forest? Because there's no way that Zeke wouldn't have something like that prepared. If an all-out fight were to start, how should Eren go about protecting his own?

Porco - That expression promises Eren pain in the future. This isn't going to be very fun explaining everything, is it? See, Historia? There's no way there can be a happy future when Porco looks that pissed. More so than a spar, it's going to end up as a beating, isn't it?

"Then, your Highness, what could you possibly want that you'd call us out like this to negotiate?" Zeke asks.

He's purposefully keeping his voice light. It's probably to keep Eren from guessing what he's feeling. Eren knows that this is to be expected. But he can't help but to feel a bit hurt anyways.

"I want to break Marley's hold on the world."

Eren pauses for the shouts of disbelief and the rush of disagreements that he expected. But none comes. Curious, he glances at the members of the Warrior Division (and Yelena) and is confused to find that they all seem to be glaring at Porco for some odd reasons. Why are they getting mad at him? Shouldn't that anger be directed at Eren? Huh? What just happened? Did Eren miss something important?

"And for that, Paradis destroyed Liberio?" Zeke asks.

His voice is cold this time. But Eren can't help but to think that it's not necessarily aimed at Eren. In fact, with the way Zeke worded it, it feels more like Zeke is accusing-

"Don't misunderstand," Erwin says with his usual charming smile that feels a touch too sharp. "That was revenge. If Eren didn't stop us, we would have left nothing but ashes for you to return to."

Is there really any reason to make it sound like Eren did something so noble? If there's any consolation, it's that Zeke looks a little more at ease now. He allows a flare of anger to show, and it becomes much too clear that it is not aimed at Eren.

"Am I to believe that you two conveniently met in Liberio and... what, exactly? Agreed to crown my little brother king? Forced him to play in your politics as a scapegoat?"

Erwin chuckles, but it's clear that he's angry. He leans in close to Eren in an obvious attempt to bait Zeke. Sad to say, it works.

"Your Highness, it seems your brother doubts our sincerity and loyalty. Shall we demonstrate it for him?"

Whatever it is that Erwin is planning, it can't be good. Levi doesn't have to glare at Eren like that to put a stop to it, alright?

"I believe we have more pressing matters to attend to," Eren reminds Erwin. Then he turns to his brother, whose expression is back to being hooded. "As fellow Eldians, it's moronic that we're fighting. The rest of the world hates us as it is. If we start fighting each other, aren't we doing exactly what the world wants?"

Zeke holds his hand up to stop Eren there. "I understand what you're trying to say. But that thought process is too naive. With how the world is right now-"

"But that status quo is already toppling. It should be clear to everyone watching that Marley can no longer hold the banner of being the world's strongest. The Mid-East Allied Forces should already be getting people lining up to help them win this war."

"So what exactly are you proposing?" Zeke asks in a tone of voice that Eren recognizes only too well.

It's his "I'm teaching you a lesson" voice. As always, it's a soothing tone of voice filled with infinite patience. Eren knows that his brother will forgive any kind of mistake in logic when he takes that kind of tone. He's not sure if this means that Zeke has (for now, at least) accepted Eren's position as "King," but he does appreciate his brother for being flexible enough to play along with this.

"We jump in on it. They couldn't have achieved this kind of victory without our help anyways. We demand a cut in the new world order that they'll have to establish in the wake of this war."

Zeke lets out a small puff of laughter that says that those words are too naive. From the tired but fond looks on Pieck's, Yelena's, and Colt's faces, they seem to be on the same train of thought as him. Porco still looks mad as hell, so Eren isn't going to look too much in his direction. And Reiner... If Eren were to say that this is what he wants, he fears that Reiner will run off and try to achieve it, even without knowing Eren's plans and ruin them as he always does.

"They'll never accept it," Zeke points out.

Eren nods. "Normally, yes. But that's why I want everyone here to work together. The anti-titan weapon still hasn't produced any noticeable results. So until then, the titans can stand as our backup for if anything goes wrong. In the meanwhile, we'll work on making the world see that we Eldians are normal humans like them."

Zeke shakes his head as Eren knew he would. So Eren looks to Erwin and motions. The Commander beams like a child he is.

"We, on the Paradis side, have a natural resource of iceburst stones that we can offer the world. But if we just bring that up as a trade item, we'll most definitely be laughed out of there or taken advantage of. You, on the Marleyan side, have been out here long enough to know how the world works. Help us make this trade."

Realization flashes in Zeke's eyes. That's good. He seems to have picked up on exactly where they're going with this. The question is whether or not Zeke will side with them. Eren would like to think that his brother is reasonable enough to help them figure this out instead of turning the Paradis Eldians away because of a grudge. But recently, Eren's been surrounded by rather immature adults that's making it hard for him to believe one or the other.

"If that's your goal, don't you find it too unfair? The minute you guys figure out how the world works, you'll abandon the rest of the Eldians outside of Paradis," Zeke says.

Erwin smiles. "That's why we're having this discussion now. We'll hash out any disagreements and present to the world a united Eldian front."

"You're quite caught up on this 'united' Eldian thing. Why should we work together with you when you are the descendants of those that ran away to that island while the rest of us suffered Marley rule?"

Zeke doesn't sound angry about that. If anything, it seems more like he's testing the grounds for something. Eren just isn't sure what that something is.

"If we had a choice, we would just choose to abandon all of you," Erwin says with a light laugh. "But our merciful Highness insisted that he wanted you."

Eren doesn't like that smile on Erwin's face. He also doesn't like the way Zeke is beaming like that was supposed to be a compliment. Isn't it obvious to everyone watching that Erwin is just fishing for Zeke's weakness?

"Goodness knows why when he has me as his _personal_ adviser," Erwin continues.

Why did Erwin just emphasize personal?

Oh. It was to provoke that expression on Zeke's face, wasn't it?

"Self-proclaimed," Eren says quickly.

It wasn't quick enough.

"On the contrary, I am the only adviser Eren would ever need. With my help, not only Paradis Eldians, but all Eldians in the world will be able to have a place to call home!"

Wasn't Zeke just against this plan two seconds ago? Why the hell did he get baited so easily? Eren resists the urge to smack his forehead.

"You ran away from Paradis," Erwin taunts.

"You would be dead if not for Bertolt's Colossal," Zeke reminds him.

"Hilarious coming from the guy who was all but dead at Levi's hands."

"At least I didn't throw my own men's lives away, only for my target to escape alive!"

The two glare at each other like angry children. Funny. Zeke always seemed so mature whenever they faced against their Marleyan commanders. To see Zeke like this with Erwin is really throwing Eren for a loop. Where did his cool and collected older brother go?

"So... we're going to be teaming up then?" Pieck asks slowly, staring at Zeke as if to will him to return his focus.

Zeke turns to look at the Warrior Division and Yelena. With the exception of Porco, who is still glaring at Eren, they all look to Zeke for his decision.

"My answer hasn't changed. I will not force any of you follow a certain path. Decide for yourself where you want to stand."

That almost sounds like they've talked about something like this before. But that's odd. Why would they have talked about defecting from Marley? Is there something more here that Eren is missing?

"I told you I'd side with you, didn't I, Eren?" Reiner asks with a soft smile.

Eren feels Jean behind him stiffen. Without glancing back, he reaches behind him and grabs Jean's arm. He doesn't know what kind of expression Jean has on his face, but he can feel Jean's gaze locked onto his back. It's not much at all. But this should prevent Jean from causing some kind of a mess right now when things are finally starting to go Eren's way.

"Like hell I'll leave Eren alone with you," Porco snaps.

When Eren gives Porco a grateful smile, Porco flushes terribly red and scowls. But Eren gets where he's coming from anyways.

"I want Marley put down," Colt says, surprising Eren. Eren is going to have to talk with him in private later to figure out why and when Colt arrived on this conclusion.

"As I've said, the only family I have left is you guys." Pieck keeps her voice light and cheerful. "It should be obvious where I stand, right?"

That... almost sounds like...?

Zeke turns back to face the Paradis forces and Eren with a serious look on his face.

"I have conditions, but we of the Warrior Division will back Eren."

It feels almost too good to be true. Really? They're not going to get mad? They don't feel betrayed? Eren is asking them to throw away everything they've ever known. Is it really okay?

His eyes catch Porco's. The scowl on Porco's face hasn't budged, but his eyes feel softer somehow. It feels like Porco is telling Eren that yeah, this is okay. Eren wonders if he should feel as comforted as he does.

"Then, let's-"

Eren's voice is drowned out by the sound of three consecutive gunshots and something that vaguely sounds like, "You fucking Eldian traitors!"

For a split second, Eren sees Zeke's expression fall into despair. For another, he sees shocked eyes set on him. Yet another split second, there's flurry of movement as people rush to deal with Magath's second that just fired.

Then all of that is replaced by Porco.

Porco's desperation.

Porco's pain.

Porco's arms wrapped around him.

And...

*

"I don't know who she is," Historia said with a small huff of annoyed breath. "But seeing that she's here, I imagine she's Ymir. The original. Not my Ymir."

The small girl did not even glance in their direction. She kept her head down as she worked, struggling to carry her bucket somewhere. This raggedy and small girl was the Ymir that so many people feared and revered? She looked nothing like the symbol of evil that Marleyans insisted that she was. Nor did she look anything like a Goddess of all that is pure and good like some extremist Eldians believed.

"She moves on command or whenever there's a titan to be built or a shifter to be healed. I tried to talk to her and ask her about who she is and why she's working here alone. Or even how long she's been here. But if it's not an explicit order or can be taken as an order, she ignores it," Historia continued.

Eren slowly nodded along until he realized exactly what she was trying to get at. He pointed to himself. "W-wait, why exactly are you telling me all of this?"

"I want you to help her."

On one hand, he felt rather flattered that she thought so highly of him that he could help this little girl. But on the other, he really wished Historia (like the other Paradis Eldians) would think for two seconds. How did she think that he would help this little girl? He didn't even know the first thing about her.

"Don't overthink it," Historia told him. "I'm not asking you to sit her down and give her counseling, even though I do think she needs it. I just... think it's sad. Is she here doing this because that's what she wants to do? Or was she ordered to do so? From how she behaves, I'm willing to bet on the latter. But that's still my own interpretation of her. You're good with kids, right? See if she'll talk to you."

That couldn't be everything. If it was, she wouldn't have gone in such a roundabout way to bring up this topic.

"Aren't you sharp about the most annoying things?" Historia grumbled. "Fine. Truth be told, I think she might obey me because I have royal blood. So someone like you should be fine. If you were to approach her, she shouldn't immediately move to obey you."

This must mean a lot to Historia in a way that Eren probably would never understand. But he supposed he could do something as simple as approaching the little girl and ask if she wants to talk. If there was just one thing that was bothering him, it would be...

"You said that she builds the titans? A-and heals the shifters? That means she's the reason why we can transform, isn't it?"

Historia nodded. "What of it?"

"Then isn't it possible to stop all Eldians from turning into titans?"

"It's... not really my place to say one thing or another, because if I do, that little girl would take it as an order. But you are in the middle of a war, you know. Is it really a good idea to get rid of your trump card?" she pointed out.

Even if she were to say that, this power of theirs had been used against them too often for him to be able to justify its existence. How many Eldians lived in fear of losing their loved one to the "war efforts" of Marley? How many Eldians were shamed for past sins that they had no control over? How many Eldians accepted the harsh treatment from the rest of the world because that's just how the world was for monsters like them? How many people (Eldians and not) suffered due to reckless destruction left behind by titans?

"If she is open to listening, I think it'll be worth trying," Eren said. "Besides, Zeke only has two years left on his term."

"There's no guarantee that it'll give him more years to live. Is that uncertainty worth losing invulnerability until that time comes?"

"But if not now, then when? I can't get rid of the titans now because we're at war. And after the war is over? I can't get rid of the titans because I need to use them as a threat to pressure the rest of the world to go along with my plans. And after that, I'm sure something else will come up that will leave me clinging to this power. Isn't that why we've never gotten rid of it?"

Historia let out a soft sigh. "In the end, it's her choice, I suppose. Or at least, we should let it be her choice."

Eren nodded in agreement.

"If it does end up happening... I left Lady Tybur hidden in the forest. Make sure to get her first aid so she doesn't end up dying out there without her titan healing. You'll need her help when dealing with the remaining Marleyan heads."

He picked up on the words that she didn't say. So the Tybur family did have a tie with the Marleyan government. It was something that Marcel guessed at when they were younger, but they had been playing around and hadn't been serious. To think it was actually true...

"And one more thing, Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't..."

*

_"... regret it."_

Historia's words echo mockingly in his mind as he holds Porco's body.

Blood. That red that's drenching him and Porco is blood. That red that's pouring out of Porco is blood. That red that's-

Eren doesn't know when he fell down. But he has yet to let Porco go from his arms. He thinks he might be yelling. He thinks he might be crying. The world is going dim. Like he can't register anything but that red. That bright red and oh no, oh no. What has he done? He should have listened to Historia. He shouldn't have jumped the gun. And now he's paying the price for freeing that little girl. Except that's not fair. How else was he supposed to handle that moment? If he didn't free her then... then... Porco would live past this.

"Hey!"

Porco lightly taps his forehead against Eren's by pulling Eren down. There's a small grin on Porco's face, but doesn't he realize? This is all Eren's fault. There's no more titan ability. There's no more titan healing. That three bullet wounds on Porco's chest is going to-

"I got you. Don't cry. I'll heal."

But that's not... That's not...

"Eren, are you alright?" Zeke and Erwin ask at the same time.

His voice is caught in his throat. Whenever he tries to say something, it comes out as a stifled sob. So he just nods to let them all know that he's fine. Of course, he's fine. The one who isn't is-

"Porco can heal," Zeke says gently as he puts his hand on Eren's shoulder.

The carefully constructed structure that Erwin put together to face the Warrior Division must have fallen apart due to the gunshot. Eren isn't even sure who is where anymore. To be honest, he doesn't really care.

"H-he can't," he manages out finally. "No one can. I got rid of it. The titan powers? No one can heal. No one can transform. I didn't say anything as an empty threat."

"What... are you talking about...?" Erwin asks slowly.

But Eren doesn't want to focus on them anymore. Porco is in his arms right now. Porco's blood is tinting the world red. Porco is-

"You're not going to heal. Porco, y-you're... you're going to... I-I can't. I can't. Please don't go. Don't leave me. I can't do this alone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-"

Porco silences him with a kiss. The protest that this isn't romantic is at the tip of Eren's tongue when Porco pulls back. There's a small grin on his face as he affectionately rubs his nose against Eren's.

"Look. I'm healing."

That makes no sense. That makes absolutely no sense, but the steam rising from Porco's wounds seem to say otherwise.

"B-but I got rid of it. T-there's no way that..."

For just a second, he hears it. A soft giggle of a small girl followed by a sincere "Thank you." Almost like she's chiding him for ever thinking it was a mistake to free her. He thinks this is perhaps the most equal trade for the two of them. Her freedom for the life of his beloved.

Slowly, Eren cups Porco's face, examining it carefully for any sign of discomfort or pain. It really does look like Porco is telling the truth when he says that he's fine and that he's healing. But...

He reaches for Porco's shirt to check for the damage.

"Whoa! For shame, Eren! We should show some level of control in front of everyone, don't you think, your Highness?" Porco teases as he puts his hands over Eren's to stop him.

Eren stares blankly at him. What is he talking about? Eren just wants to check to make sure that the gunshots wounds are healing. Control? Shame? What...

Oh.

He feels his cheeks heat up. "No, you idiot! I want to see if you're really healing!"

Porco laughs like he knew that. And knowing him, he probably did. He obliges Eren's wishes and pulls his shirt up high enough to see that the gunshot wounds are indeed healing. Eren tentatively touches the wounds.

"It doesn't hurt? Y-you're really... really okay?"

The laughter turns soft and fond. Porco pulls Eren in for a light kiss.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Eren's eyes water with relief. There's a lump in his throat that seems to have suddenly appeared even though everything's fine now. Everything's fine. If Porco is alive, then Eren can face anything the world throws at him.

If Porco is by his side...

"Ass," Eren accuses, pressing a small kiss on Porco's lips.

"Love you, too."

Eren rests his forehead against Porco's. "I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Is this seriously the time to be doing this?" Jean asks with a scowl on his face.
> 
> "If you think this is bad, you should've seen them when they were younger," Pieck mock-whispers to him.
> 
> Jean lets out a small groan and rubs his temples. Since it seems that he's not going to complain any more, Eren decides to ignore him to focus on Porco.
> 
> He's so nervous that his hands keep shaking. But he gets the ring on Porco's finger after a bit of struggle. The snigger from Porco doesn't help the growing blush on Eren's face. But he's determined to do this now.
> 
> "A-as long as t-there's a breath left in this body of mine, I swear to treasure you. As long as there's a beat in this heart of mine, I swear to love you. No matter how far apart we are, I swear to find you."
> 
> Porco's hands shake just as much as Eren's did. But he gets the ring on faster than Eren did. The teasing grin on his face has long been replaced by a softer smile. His eyes seem to be overflowing with affection for Eren as he leans close.
> 
> "There's not a single danger in the world that will prevent me from being by your side. No matter who or what stands in my way, I swear to run to you. So Eren, don't cry anymore. I'm never going to leave you alone again. Because you are my love, my anchor, my heart."
> 
> They stay like that for a beat longer, staring into each others' eyes. And when they finally lean in to close the distance between their lips...
> 
> "Alright, that's good enough. We have important things to discuss," Zeke says, forcibly putting himself between the two of them.
> 
> "Indeed. We have quite a lot of things to talk about, your Highness. Why don't we start with what you meant by getting rid of titan powers? You healed your eye just fine. And you insisted that you didn't heal your leg on purpose to not surprise anyone. Was all of that a lie?" Erwin asks with a strained smile. He reaches for Eren's shoulder and gets his hand knocked out of the way by Zeke. The two glare at each other.
> 
> "Can't you guys give us two more seconds?" Eren groans. "We can have that talk any time!"
> 
> "No can do. You have a kingdom to run," Colt teases.
> 
> Reiner nods seriously. "We'll help in any way we can."
> 
> Jean shoots him a look but doesn't fly off in rage. Marco gives him a small squeeze on the shoulder and an encouraging smile. Later, Eren makes a note to let them talk this out. 
> 
> "Maybe I should hand the Marley over as well," Lady Tybur says lightly. "With the Mid-East Allied forces thrown in, that's pretty much the whole world you'll be ruling."
> 
> "Wow... Can you imagine the sheer amount of paperwork for that kind of power?" Marco jokes.
> 
> Eren pauses and slowly turns to him. "The... what?"
> 
> "That's right! You'll be the one doing the paperwork from now on!" Hange exclaims, looking much too happy about something. 
> 
> "Well, if you're the one signing everything, I suppose that also means you control our paycheck... Hey, King, give me a raise," Levi says.
> 
> "W-wait! W-what do you mean paperwork? Raise? W-why don't I just pass my royalty status to whoever wants it and-"
> 
> Erwin bursts out laughing. "Nonsense, you're a great King!"
> 
> Before Eren can protest such a horrible lie, Porco bumps shoulders with him. There's a confident grin on Porco's face like he knows a secret. And now that Eren thinks about it, would it really be that bad? To shape the world as he sees fit? He'll have Porco by his side every step of the way.
> 
> "If it's paperwork, you're on your own," Porco says.
> 
> Yeah, they'll be fine.
> 
> "Ass!"
> 
> _Fin._


	29. Deleted Scenes and Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, what a ride. Can you believe this story is finally finished? I'm itching to start writing other things, but at the same time, I'm a bit sad to see that it's over. 
> 
> I wanted to take this time to thank my wonderful readers for sticking with me this far. It was a long journey, wasn't it? ^^ Special thanks to [tatakaeren ](tatakaeren), [Noxilicious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noxilicious/pseuds/Noxilicious), [L_Leonhardt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Leonhardt/pseuds/L_Leonhardt), [merelofficial](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelofficial/pseuds/merelofficial), [Halcyon_Days](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halcyon_Days/pseuds/Halcyon_Days), [tetsuyacchi ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuyacchi/pseuds/tetsuyacchi), [kthsbabybliss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kthsbabybliss/pseuds/kthsbabybliss), [rose_gardens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rose_gardens/pseuds/rose_gardens), [Halrax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halrax/pseuds/Halrax), [ArataAtlus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArataAtlus/pseuds/ArataAtlus), [Raynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynn/pseuds/Raynn), GalliJaw, and Ray for leaving such kind comments and encouragements! ^^ Thank you everyone for your time!
> 
> This chapter is mainly just bunch of deleted scenes that didn't make it in the story for one reason or another. As all the Porco x Eren scenes did make it in the story, the gathered scenes here are not of them. So feel free to skip it if it's not to your interest. They are all labeled to make it easy to skip. ^^

**The original gunshot scene**

"Then, let's-"

Eren's voice is drowned out by the sound of three consecutive gunshots and something that vaguely sounds like, "You fucking Eldian traitors!"

And once again, Porco is too slow.

Too slow to react, too slow to move, too slow. Too fucking damned slow. Why can't his body move faster?

He sees Eren fall, bursts of bright red flowers blooming from where the bullets hit. And it's not Porco's arms that Eren fall into. It's not Porco that's by Eren's side. Porco is too slow to reach Eren.

By then, Jean has Eren lowered to the ground, hands pressing down on the wounds to crush the flowers from blooming anymore. Porco vaguely registers people yelling. Maybe it's panic. Maybe it's orders. He doesn't know. He can't focus.

Again.

It's happening again.

He failed Eren yet again. The ruble of Base Rupes is behind him. The stench of burnt destruction of his hometown stretches around him. And right in front of him is...

He failed.

Simple as that.

He failed.

His hands are shaking as he comes to kneel next to Eren on the ground. His voice is trembling when he tries to speak. His entire being seems to crack and shatter as his hands hover just over the bright red flowers blooming in exchange for Eren's life.

"S-sorry," Eren coughs. There's a shaky grin on his face as he fails to smile for Porco. "I'm sorry."

Shut up. Shut up. Why the hell is Eren apologizing? Porco is the one who didn't get there in time. Porco is the one who failed to protect him. Porco is-

"Hey, you have the titan serum, don't you?" Porco asks, turning towards Erwin.

Realization flashes in Erwin's eyes before the man dares to hood his expression. "And if we do?"

"Hand it over. I'm going to save him."

"With whose titan?" Erwin asks lowly.

Porco feels his lips stretch into a humorless smirk. "I'm right here, aren't I?"

"Don't be stupid. Eren will never forgive himself if you go down like that. Give him the Armored," Reiner says as he kneels down next to Porco.

"He... was supposed to receive the Beast anyways," Zeke mentions lightly. "If it's for Eren, I have no problems cutting my term short."

"My, aren't you quite popular, Eren?" asks a voice that shouldn't be familiar but is.

Porco doesn't know who this woman is. He has never seen nor met her before. But the minute his eyes catch sight of her, he finds a small part of him crying out in yearning. The previous Jaw Titan's beloved, he finds himself guessing.

Historia Reiss, the holder of the Attack Titan.

No wonder the Jaw Titan's feelings latched onto Helen. They look quite similar.

"Move aside, children. Eren will inherit my titan."

> When I first came up with the thought of three-parter for this story, I wanted to have an ongoing theme. Thus, each of the three part started with Porco and Eren's "talk" and ended with some kind of a great explosion/disaster that Eren got caught up in. And of course, each part became progressively bigger in scale in terms of destruction and damage. Thus, for the last part, I wanted to almost kill Eren and bring him back using Historia's Attack Titan. In that version, Eren did not become King of Paradis nor did he save the Original Ymir in the Paths.

> But when I got to this part of the story, I was hit a writer's block. No matter how I tried to force it to happen, Porco just refused to go along with it. So I gave up. I took a step back, erased the rest of the chapter and plan, and told the characters to do whatever they wanted. And would you look at that? The block suddenly disappeared! XD

> I think that the current scene is super cheesy as hell and not as poetic. But since this started with the premise of romantic drama, I think it's more suiting of an ending.

*

**A Warrior's Duty - Talk between Eren and Jean back in Liberio**

"Honestly, I don't get you," Jean says, shaking his head in mock disgust. "From how the Marleyans treat Eldians, I can't believe you went out of your way to save them."

What else was Eren supposed to do? Check for everyone's armband to prioritize who gets saved? Jean probably doesn't know since most people focus more on Eren's missing leg, but one of Eren's eyes can no longer see. How the hell is Eren supposed to focus on figuring out who is an Eldian or not with the smoke as thick as it is from the explosions?

"A Warrior's duty is to protect those behind his shield. That's all I did," Eren says.

"But the Marleys aren't behind your shield. So why bother?"

Eren feels tired with this line of questions. Why does it matter? If in this kind of chaos and destruction, Eren can save one more person, then should he really be questioning who they are and what their nationality is? They should just focus on saving as many people as they can. Or is that not how things work in Paradis?

"It isn't," Jean answers him when Eren asks.

There's a small pause as if Jean is reliving some terrible memories. Then with a small shake of the head, Jean gives Eren a twisted grin that seems more like a grimace.

"When your comrades came knocking down our walls, it became very clear who is allowed to survive and who isn't. If you have no money or power to wave around, you're worth lower than the dirt. Whether you die by the side of the road is no one's business. And under the guise of 'reclaiming' the lost lands, many people were sent to feed the titans."

The words "I'm sorry" seem insincere to say right now. At the very least, Eren feels that it'll ring as hollow out loud as it does in his head.

"That Warrior's duty of yours... Is that something all of you Warriors hang onto? Or is that just a you thing?"

Eren wonders why his throat tightened so suddenly. He clears his throat in an effort to buy some time to calm himself.

"It... was Marcel who said it, actually."

"Marcel?" Jean asks.

Eren nods uncomfortably. "The... the Jaw Titan that was sent to take the Founder."

There's a small pause before Jean closes his eyes in pain and understanding. He's probably thinking of his own comrade that was lost when Reiner dragged the previous Jaw Titan before Porco back to Liberio.

"Hah. So basically you're saying that anyone but _that guy_ would have done a better job."

A better...? That guy...? Eren looks to Jean for more explanation, but Jean gives none.

> I just really wanted to reuse that "Warrior's duty" quote Eren says to Yelena again. But with how the conversation between Jean and Eren went, it felt kind of cheap to have it in. So I ended up recycling parts of it in a later scene between Jean and Eren. And despite the fact that it was the "Warrior's duty" quote that I wanted in, I ended up forgetting about it the second time around. XD

*

**Eren meeting with the Mid-East Allied Forces**

Izan's eyes stay trained on Eren's leg for a second longer than necessary. Then he slowly moves his eyes back up to Eren's face. From the slight flicker of movement of his eyes, Eren won't be shocked if Izan noticed Eren's blind eye.

"I didn't think I'd see you again," Eren says lightly as greeting.

The tight smile on Izan's face doesn't seem to be in response to what Eren just said.

"I heard reports of what happened to you," Izan admits. "I didn't realize how severe the damage was."

"If you think this is severe, you should see how the other injured looked."

For a second, Eren honestly believes that Izan might apologize. But the man doesn't. Instead, he turns to face the rest of the Paradis forces.

"Don't think I didn't hear about what you did to Liberio," he growls, his lips drawing back into a snarl.

It makes Eren pause. Why is Izan getting mad for? Isn't this the exact result that he (and the rest of the Mid-East Allied Forces) wanted? Marley's precious Liberio has gone up in flames. As enemies on the opposite sides of a war, shouldn't Izan celebrate? Or is it because Eldians brought about the results that he's reacting like this? If it had been non-Marleyans who weren't Eldians, would Izan celebrate?

"What would you have done if Eren was injured further?" Izan continues.

... Huh?

Erwin's smile is charming as always, but there's a bite to it. "We had a plan to take care of that, too."

The War Hammer Titan, no doubt. Eren shudders at the thought. If his life had been closer to death's door, he would be a titan shifter.

"I'm... shocked to hear you care so much for me, Izan. Did you miss me that much?" Eren teases.

There's an annoyed scrunching of the brows.

"Do you recall our last deal before you were forcibly removed from the frontline?"

How the hell can Eren forget? The fact that he was that close to ending the war and lost it all is something that still burns Eren deeply.

"Hm? What was it now? The explosion was so bad that I can't quite recall," Eren says instead, pretending like he doesn't remember.

"I promised to let you meet our General."

Following the flow of the conversation, is it safe for Eren to assume that he's going to get another chance? He'll really meet the enemy's General? Ah damn. He really should have packed poison or something. This would be the perfect opportunity to end this damned war, especially since Marley is currently not exactly in the best position for this war to become prolonged.

"He's been pushing to meet you for a long time now," Izan continues.

... Huh?

"Why?"

"Because..."

*

This... has got to be some kind of a joke, right? Honestly, this can't be the truth. C'mon, Izan. Burst out laughing. C'mon. Someone? Anyone?

"I am General Alvaro of the Mid-East Allied Forces," the General introduces himself with a huge grin on his face.

It's the idiot.

The idiot that Reiner caught way back when. The idiot that Eren released under the condition to talk him up to Izan. The... Oh gods. Who the hell let an idiot run their military? And this is the same military that Marley has been struggling to defeat? So if Eren thinks about it like that, the true idiots are the Marleyan forces (and therefore the Warrior Division), isn't it?

"I've been wanting to meet you again to properly thank you. What would you like? A quiet place to retire to after this war is over? Perhaps recognition from us? Maybe you want to rule what's left of Marley. Anything within my power to give, I will."

Eren feels Erwin's stare locked onto his back. This is probably when Eren is supposed to sing praises about Paradis to earn them a place to be, isn't it? But that feels too naive. At the end of the day, they're still Eldians. Even if the General promises things, it's just words. There's no guarantee that any of this would be given to them. But it's sure as hell as tempting.

"This is... quite a shock. I'm... still reeling from it," Eren says in hopes of buying himself time.

The General nods in understanding. "Of course. Of course. Take as much time as you need."

"You uh... How long have you been a General?"

Surely it wasn't before he got caught by Reiner, right?

"Since the war began!"

... And they were okay with putting an idiot in charge?! ... And Marley struggled for this long to defeat this idiot, too. Eren wants to stomp his feet and scream at the world.

"You guys must have been short-staffed if the General himself came on a lowly mission," Eren says lightly to test the ground.

It takes the General a few seconds to realize what Eren is talking about. He lets out a sheepish chuckle. "I actually wanted an excuse to meet you. So I went even though Izan and everyone told me not to."

Please consider your position.

"Izan said that you're an unusual Eldian. So of course, I wanted to meet you. And you exceeded my expectations in every way. I told Izan to bring you to our side, no matter the cost. And that damned bitch got in the way."

Damned...? Ah, does he mean Helen? That's right, she was a spy for the Mid-East Allied Forces, wasn't she? Huh? Wait. When the General says bring to their side, he doesn't mean...?

"I am sorry about that. If she hadn't died in that explosion, I would've presented her head to you as a sign of my apology. She didn't make you change your mind or anything, right? You're still on our side?"

That's a dangerous look in the General's eyes. Refusing is not an option, is it?

"Ah, when I say that, I mean both you and your lover will be accepted."

If the offer is that kind, then Eren supposes he shouldn't reject it outright. Porco will understand. Besides, he doesn't think Erwin would take it kindly if he doesn't start promoting the Paradis Eldians.

"What if I can convince the rest of the Warriors to switch sides?" Eren asks.

The General smiles. "Then they'll all be welcomed into our fold. The Paradis Eldians, too."

Eren doesn't believe it for a second. "Then I suppose I have some talking to do with my lover and my comrades."

> In the original plan, the blimp never crashed. Instead, the Paradis forces met with the Mid-East Allied Forces for a talk of the future. Afterwards, Eren met with the rest of the Warriors for the whole "Let's all work together!" vs "They're manipulating you! They burned down our hometown!" conversation, which eventually leads to the gunshot scene after hand-wavey BS reason. So imagine my surprise when the blimp was suddenly hit and went down.... Haha...

*

**Marcel watching over these dorks**

He figured this is what would happen.

They were always a trio. They were always together. So if one of the trio disappears, of course, the other two will pull even closer together.

When he died, he eventually came to terms with it. That he will be forgotten and left behind. He was supposed to be forgotten and left behind.

So why was it that Eren still clung to Marcel?

"When Marcel gets back, let's get this flavor of ice cream again!"

"I bet Marcel would love this book."

"Can you imagine what Marcel would say if he knew about this?"

It occurs to him belatedly that it must be because Eren doesn't know. Eren doesn't realize that Marcel died out there in Paradis. That he didn't even make it within the walls before he was gobbled up. Because it's not like Eren has a sixth sense or whatever that would let him know that Marcel is no longer of this world.

So he watches. Painfully aware of what's waiting for Eren, he watches.

He watches as Eren laughs with Porco and jokes around. He watches as Eren and Porco befriend Colt. He watches as Eren begins to learn of the world while out on missions. He watches Eren day in and day out, wondering when the news will arrive. And because he watches so intensely, he sees the signs.

The small way that Eren and Porco lean closer than strictly necessary. The way that sometimes, their eyes will linger on the other for a second longer. The way their laughter seem just that much brighter when together. The way the two seem to fit so perfectly against each other. The way Porco smiles so contently whenever Eren brings up Marcel. Like he can't imagine anything better than seeing Eren so happy. Like the world can't go wrong.

But it does.

It does.

The world was never kind to Eldians like them. So it's only right that this is the ending that they receive, right?

Eren's grief is so tragically beautiful.

Marcel contents himself with that and tells himself to move on. He needs to let go. Let Eren live his life. Because there's no need for Eren to live the rest of his life, clinging to Marcel. Eren should forget.

But Eren never does.

Even when Eren's attention turns towards Reiner, he doesn't let Marcel go. Even when the world is exploding around him, he doesn't let go. So Marcel can't leave either. And he watches again.

Watches as Porco seeks Eren out. Watches as Porco's eyes always search for Eren. Watches as Porco gravitates towards Eren, even when Porco has a girlfriend now. Watches as Eren reaches for Porco only to pull back at the last second as if terrified. Watches as Eren look a second away from exploding with everything in his heart, if only someone will please hear him.

"You idiots," he finds himself sighing time in and time out. "Why can't you figure out something so obvious?"

"Probably because they're idiots," Ymir responds.

The two former Jaw Titans grin and return to watching their respective beloveds.

*

By the time Eren and Porco finally sort out their feelings, Marcel is about ready to scream in delirium.

"Took you fucking long enough, you idiots!" he yells.

Ymir laughs and reminds him, "They're going to mess it up somehow. Just watch."

_"We're friends. Of course, we love each other!"_

Marcel slowly covers his eyes with his hands.

"Hey, you're the one who fell for him," Ymir taunts him.

"Shut up. Just... you and Eren both. Just shut up."

*

"Yo, Marcel! Historia and I are going to go be super sweet and flirty. You going to keep watching your idiots?"

Ah yes. What wonderful options he has. He can stay here and watch Porco and Eren flirt with each other instead of the paperwork or he can watch Historia and Ymir get disgustingly sappy.

"Aren't you supposed to be able to rest in peace in death?"

> I like to imagine Marcel was as exasperated as everyone (you included, my readers) about these two dorks and just how long it took them to figure out their feelings. I also really love the aesthetic of those who have passed away hanging out together while shaking their heads at the dumb decisions their beloved makes. ^^

*

**The most hated Queen in Paradis history**

In theory, Historia understands that she's supposed to forgive her biological family.

She's supposed to smile and say, "It's alright. I never blamed you." Despite the fact that they're the ones who threw her away. They're the ones who decided that she needs to pay for being born out of a wedlock even though she never once asked to be born. Because it's easier to blame it all on a small child who would be too desperate to want to be praised and loved to question how messed up this is. Because of course, a small child who has never seen the world would never question the rules laid out by the adults around her.

It's why she thinks she might have reacted the way she did to the small child she believes is the original Ymir.

Does this small child know that it's okay? If she doesn't want to keep building these titans, if she doesn't want to heal the shifters, it's fine. She doesn't have to keep doing this. She doesn't have to keep moving under orders. She doesn't have to stay so alone in this sandy place.

But any words Historia tries to tell the child, it seems to fall on deaf ears. No matter what she said or tried, it must not be very comforting for this child.

"Is there no way for my words to reach you?"

There must not be, because Ymir doesn't react.

"Maybe it's my words that come across as insincere," Historia guesses.

She thinks that makes sense. After all, all she's doing is giving little Ymir pretty sounding words like "I know what you're feeling" and "you can do whatever you'd like. You don't have to do this." But has she ever shown her sincerity to this small child?

Words are cheap. But actions show conviction.

"Oh! I'll get rid of all the Colossal-sized titans inside of the walls! Surely, that'll show you my resolve, right?"

She underestimated just how deeply rooted little Ymir's obedience is.

"You... did what?"

The words "I wasn't trying to" doesn't come out of her mouth. Because saying that is the same as taking back that she wants to help little Ymir. Because how else was she supposed to show her resolve if not by doing something like this? How else is she supposed to show little Ymir that things will be fine even without those weapons pointing at the world?

"The walls were getting in the way of my sight-seeing," she says coldly.

The disbelief on their faces burn. It feels so much like they're accusing her for being frivolous worse than her father. And that wasn't her intention. That wasn't what she wanted to accomplish. She just wanted to save this little girl who reminds her too much of herself. But she can't even do that. Historia Reiss is a Queen who cannot do something as simple as save a little girl. And in her helplessness, she stripped Paradis of their one last defense against the world.

She can't save Ymir, either of them. She can't help the people of Paradis.

That is the legacy that she will leave behind.

"If this is how things have become, then there's just one thing to do," Erwin says grimly.

The three Commanders of the government glance at each other warily. The one thing that they were all trying to prolong as much as possible is rushing towards them with no hint of slowing down. In fact, Historia probably escalated it by destroying the walls.

"We will have to face the rest of the world."

"Is that even possible? Wouldn't they just crush us with their superior weapons?" Niles wonders.

Erwin seems to take that into consideration. Then he declares, "Give me one year."

The rest, as they say, is history.

*

Eren tenses when he feels the Paradis Eldians eyes set on him the minute he gets off the boat. Zeke told him that this would be a bad idea. That he didn’t have to physically visit Paradis himself. Or if he must, then he should have sent Erwin or someone else first to smooth over all the heads of the government so his visit would go smooth. Eren really regrets not listening to his brother.

“The Queen...?” one of the men asks.

But this is something that he didn’t want someone else to say. He wanted to be the one to deliver the news to the people waiting for Historia.

“I killed her,” he tells them with a smile. “My name is Eren Jaeger. I am the Beast Titan’s younger brother. And from now on, I am your King.”

He expects outrage. He’s waiting for it, to be honest. Surely, they’ll express their hate for the Warrior Candidate that dared to take the life of their Queen. He doesn’t expect the almost relieved sighs and relaxed postures.

“You can’t be worse than what Historia was like,” comes the flippant response.

When Eren glances at Jean for an explanation, he gives a small shake of the head and mouths, “Later.”

Slowly, he’s starting to understand that the reason why she was kept at an arm’s distance by everyone in Liberio wasn’t just because she was a headstrong Queen. She wasn’t well-loved, was she?

He finds that thought rather sad.

*

There are no walls anymore. No one gives Eren an explanation, but Eren understands from the thick silence what must have happened. Since Reiner’s and Zeke’s reports all mentioned the walls, it’s easy to assume that the walls must have fallen after they left. Then Historia must have given an order to Ymir.

“This way, your Highness.”

They don’t sound like they’re mocking him, unlike when Erwin says it. It seems so odd for Eren that they’re willing to accept him like this without any fanfares. After what his brother did, aren’t they terrified? After Reiner’s betrayal, haven’t they become cautious? Or is it because both Levi and Erwin are watching over Eren that they’re not worried?

“We’ll introduce you to the heads of the state first,” Erwin informs Eren. “Then you can meet Historia’s family.”

Eren isn’t sure which one he dreads more.

*

Historia’s family is... not quite what Eren expected, to say the least.

The eldest, Urklyn, greets Eren in a tea room once Eren is done being introduced to all the heads. It seems like they’ll have dinner together tonight and then start official business such as a coronation tomorrow. Meanwhile, Historia’s rather large family greets Eren.

“You’ll have to forgive us. If we realized you were coming, we would have prepared something more fancy,” Urklyn says with a small apologetic dip of the head.

“This is fine,” Eren assures him.

There is a cookie platter on the table to go along with their tea. It reminds Eren of talking to Historia on the blimp. He wonders if they set this up because that’s what Historia enjoyed.

“Please do help yourself.” Urklyn picks up one of the cookies and bites into it as if to show Eren that there’s nothing wrong with them.

Just a little, Eren wonders if Jean said something to him. He picks up the cup of tea and takes a small sip. As always, he can’t figure out whether this is good tasting or not. Is this something that he should know? But everywhere else in the world, they always offer him coffee or water. But as the King of Paradis, it’s probably expected of him to know about tea, isn’t it?

“I heard that you requested this meeting with us,” Urklyn begins. He pauses for a second as if he’s not too sure how else to continue. “Did you... er... What exactly did you want to talk with us about?”

He looks nervous. Eren can’t even fault him for that. The last time outsiders came to Paradis, they committed some atrocious crimes that Eren frankly would never forgive if he had been on the receiving end of it. But that’s also the reason why Eren feels that this is necessary for him to do.

“I’m not sure if you were informed, but I got rid of the titan abilities,” Eren begins.

Urklyn nods. “We were informed.”

“That means when they’re crowning King tomorrow, it doesn’t have to be me. You can easily take the throne back.”

There’s a small pause as Urklyn lets that sink in. For a second, he looks hopeful. Like this is something that’s too good to be true. Then just as suddenly, he deflates with a defeated look on his face.

“And then what will the world say?”

Eren tilts his head to the side. “Pardon?”

“They would say that we of Paradis replaced the King that knew about the world with a country hick. We would be taken advantage of without mercy. And once the dust settles, would we not be left with nothing to our name?”

At the very least, he doesn’t seem to be an idiot. Eren sips his tea quietly.

“Handing the throne to you seems like a small price to pay for Paradis to have a chance in surviving. Besides, I... don’t think that any of King Karl Fritz’s descendants should rule over Eldians. Since young, we were taught that any bad things that were to happen were because of our past sins. With that kind of prejudice, it’ll be too easy for any of us to allow Paradis to fall into ruin. Compared to that, an outsider like you might actually be better for this place.”

The Paradis Eldians are as backwards as always.

“Is that everything you wanted to say?”

Eren nods. “More or less.”

“Then may I ask a question?” Urklyn pauses for Eren’s nod before he asks, “Historia... When she died, was she... was she at peace? I’m not asking if she was in pain or anything. But did she look satisfied?”

He recalls Historia’s soft smile when Ymir responded to Eren’s words. He remembers the grateful grin Historia shot him. And most of all, he remembers the way Historia spoke of seeing Ymir again.

“Yeah,” he says with a nod. “She was.”

Urklyn lets out a sigh of relief. “That’s good. That’s good. I was really worried for her, you know. I can’t imagine she liked us much. We were the ones who abandoned her on that farm with Lady Dina. When we tried to reach out to her, it probably felt grating and mocking. I think we ended up isolating her and pushing her further away because of that. But I’m glad that she was satisfied in the end. She... was such a lonely child.”

Eren hesitates for just a second before he pushes through. “Can you tell me more about her?”

He thinks he made the right choice of coming here to talk to them when the other members of the family chime in with excited smiles.

*

It’s not until Eren has settled into the room that they’ve lent him for the night that he realizes that there’s something that’s bothering him.

“Lady Dina,” Urklyn said.

That... can’t be the same Dina as Zeke’s mother, can it...? Eren weighs the pros and cons of looking more into it and decides that it’ll be better if he let this rest in secret. It’s probably better for Zeke to not be reminded of that dark time of his life.

> As I’ve said, there was a lot of thought that went into constructing the backstory of this story. Due to the way it was structured (and because I wanted this story to be a romantic drama and not a political mess), I ended up opting out of mentioning most of it. But I imagine if the story went on longer, all of the little details would have shown up in small ways... Maybe. Lol. I’m bad at remembering to put these kinds of details in, so maybe not! XD

*

**Eren's Personal Adviser**

"What?" Eren asks, head snapping up towards Erwin in disbelief.

The charming grin that Erwin typically has looks a bit dim today. This isn't something that Erwin has come up with on the spot. He probably thought about this very carefully before coming to this conclusion.

"With the world slowly working together, there's really no need for people of the old world. People like me should be stepping down so kids like you can grow," Erwin says as if that's the most obvious thing in the world.

Eren makes a face. "If all the old people stepped down all of a sudden, how the hell are we kids supposed to know how to take care of the world?"

"You'll figure it out. You're smart."

"And the real reason?" Eren pushes.

"I'm tired, your Highness. I think it's time for me to rest my wary bones."

Is it because there hasn't been much to gamble everything on? Historia said that Erwin is looking for a reason to live... This isn't going to lead to this guy doing something that can never be undone, is it? Eren doesn't like the idea of having Erwin's death hanging over his head. At least not during this supposed time of peace.

"One week. I can only grant you one week of vacation time," Eren insists, holding up his forefinger.

Erwin dares to raise a brow like he's amused by that. "I'm not asking for a vacation. I'm resigning from my position, Eren."

He must be quite serious if he's using Eren's name instead of the mocking "your Highness."

"And who exactly am I supposed to ask to replace you with?"

"I'll train someone before I go," Erwin says.

"Who did you have in mind?"

"Kirstein. He's level-headed and close to you."

Yeah, Eren can see the merit of that. Jean wouldn't be a yes-man, either. He'd point out if Eren's plan is stupid and not be overly concerned with looking good in front of Eren. His plans hasn't been something disappointing either. But...

"What if I want you?"

Erwin's composure breaks for just a second. Then there's that charming smile on his face again.

"You already have someone close to you, your Highness. You shouldn't say such misleading things. It'll cause rumors."

"I seem to recall that you're the one who appointed yourself to be my personal adviser."

"And I'm appointing myself off of that position."

Eren looks to Erwin and smirks. "Oh? With what power?"

"You've gotten better at this," Erwin says like he's genuinely proud of Eren. "But I'm afraid there's nothing you can say that will change my mind."

"Then..."

Eren grabs Erwin by the front of his shirt and pulls him down so that they're face to face. From the way Erwin's smile slips up, Eren knows he's already won.

"Change your heart. Empty yourself of everything that isn't devotion to me. I'm going to need every tool that I can get my hands on as we go forward. So why don't you take a gamble on me and stick around? Even if I don't accomplish my goals, I swear there will never be a day you'll be bored."

There's a small pause before Erwin allows himself to laugh genuinely. Eren releases him. Everything here on is just formalities. Erwin isn’t going to leave.

"Your brother is going to be rather upset. I believe he was getting ready to throw me a good-bye party.”

“He’ll come around.”

Erwin’s smile at Eren seems far too fond. It would be unnerving if Eren wasn’t already so used to this man’s strange show of affection.

“Take your one week of vacation. Afterward, I plan on working you down to your bones,” Eren orders him.

“I’m already looking forward to coming back.”

*

Eren still can’t get used to Levi’s quiet way of walking. It always catches him off-guard in the middle of pretending to do paperwork.

“What did you say to Erwin?” Levi asks.

It’s not an accusation. At least, Eren doesn’t think so. It sounds more like Levi is just curious. Or maybe it’s his way of making small talk?

“I gave him a vacation and told him I can’t have him resign. There’s too much paperwork for him to run away on his own like that.”

Levi’s sharp eyes watch Eren’s every movement as he pretends that all his focus is on the paper document before him. What? What does he want? Why is he here? Can’t he just stay in the training grounds with Porco and Hange or whoever else instead? Does he have to watch Eren like a teacher looking for any reason to scold a bad child?

“Thank you.”

Eren’s head snaps up as Levi looks away. If Eren didn’t know any better, he would have said that Levi was blushing. But Eren does know better. There’s no way that the monster of Paradis would blush while thanking Eren. And what the hell would Levi thank him for anyways?

“I think… he was waiting for someone like you.”

Eren makes a face and is immediately glad that Levi is looking away to see it. He quickly composes himself.

“Doubt it.”

Levi glances back at Eren, a contemplative look on his face. Then a little hesitantly, he says, “After dinner. Why don’t we have a spar?”

This man wants him to die, Eren realizes.

“T-that’s okay. I-I couldn’t possibly take up your important time-”

“No. I insist.”

There’s a grin on Levi’s face that makes Eren fear for his life. Eren wonders if Levi realizes just how terrifying of a man he is.

Tonight is going to be painful, isn’t it? Eren hopes Porco has extra pain relief balm. Because he’s pretty sure he’s going to need a ton of it.

> Eventually, I did want all of Paradis forces to warm up to Eren in one way shape or form. But alas, the story didn’t span far enough to get there.

> I like to imagine that Erwin didn’t tell Zeke that it was a one week vacation before he left, so Zeke threw this good-bye party, giddy that he’ll finally be rid of that creepy man. And one week later, here’s Erwin with his usual grins like “Hey! I’m back!” Lol. Sorry Zeke. You never seem to catch a break in any of my stories.

*

**Jean and Marco talk with Reiner**

The tense silence stretches on, making Eren regret putting this together in the first place. He shouldn’t have meddled. He should have just let them figure this out on their own. Porco warned him, didn’t he? But he really wanted Jean and Marco to work things out with Reiner, because Eren doesn’t want to lose any of the three.

He’s a selfish person like that.

“So...” he begins when he can’t stand the silence anymore.

Three pairs of eyes train on him, shutting him up in seconds. Please, he begs in his head as he desperately sips the tea that Levi gifted him a few days ago (Something about how unforgivable it is that their King can’t recognize good tea when it’s presented before him). Don’t react too badly to this.

“I know that you guys don’t exactly have the best kind of relationship. And I’m not telling you to become best of friends with this one conversation. But at the very least, I need you guys to stop making things awkward for other people.”

“When have we ever made things awkward?” Jean grumbles.

Eren shoots him a pleading look that seems to shut him up. “Just... talk it out. Please.”

The silence from before returns. The three of them glance at one another in unease before Marco sighs.

“There are a few things that I think I can forgive. When you guys first arrived in Paradis and destroyed the wall to get in being one. Getting to know everyone in an effort to become a Military Police member being another. But what I’ve never been able to forgive is why you attacked another wall. After living with us and training with us, why did you attack Trost?”

Eren finds himself breathing a small sigh of relief. He mentally sends Marco a thank you and turns his attention to his tea. He already forgot what Levi said this tea was. It’s slightly nutty in flavor. Eren thinks that it’s pretty good. But he better remember what this tea is called before he calls it his favorite. Levi would most definitely not be pleased if he can’t remember the name of his “favorite” tea. Maybe Petra might be able to help?

“At that time... the three of us were desperate to go home.”

Slowly, Eren looks away from his tea and towards Reiner. Reiner doesn’t meet eyes with him. He keeps his head bowed, staring at his tea cup with a contemplative expression on his face.

“I won’t ask for forgiveness. What we did was cruel. And the only justification we had for ourselves was that Marley would win anyways. There was no way, we believed, for Paradis to be able to withstand the might of Marley. So before Marley considered us traitors and turned their attention to our families, we wanted to go home.”

And when he did, the first thing that greeted him was Eren’s fists.

Thinking about it like that, Eren can’t help but to feel guilty for how he treated Reiner.

“And for that purpose, you killed so many of us?” Jean asks.

Reiner nods without any pretense. He doesn’t hide behind any ideologies or excuses. It’s possibly the coolest Reiner has been in a long time. But Eren isn’t going to be the one to say that.

Jean’s lips pull into a scowl, but he doesn’t say anything more. Marco glances at him for a second longer. Then he must have come to terms with something because he doesn’t say anything more either.

The silence from before returns. But for some odd reasons, Eren doesn’t feel that it’s as tense as before. It’s not exactly the beginnings of an everlasting friendship. It’s not quite making peace with what has happened either. But Eren feels that this is a step forward anyhow.

“If you guys don’t want to talk, then shall I tell you about the cutest thing that Falco said to me the other day?”

“Sure,” Jean mumbles as he finally takes a sip of his tea.

“Please do so,” Marco says with a nod.

Reiner gives Eren a small smile. “Go ahead.”

They’re going to be okay.

“He said Porco and I-”

“If it’s about Porco, I don’t want to hear it!” Jean groans.

Marco gives a sheepish smile. “I don’t want to hear it either. Sorry.”

There’s a look on Reiner’s face that says that he’d rather not hear it. But he doesn’t say for or against.

Eren laughs at his men.

> I like to imagine that the three of them eventually talked things out a bit more without Eren nearby. I don’t think it’ll be a complete forgiveness over what happened. But they probably came to a more of a stable understanding. Enough that there’s not as much tension whenever they’re all in the room together.

> Later, much later, I think Jean would probably casually bring up the fact that Floch was part of the squad, too. Just to watch Eren make that face at the thought of trying to deal with that guy. lol

> 


End file.
